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Helping Children on the Autism Spectrum to Transition to a New School

Question

"We are going to be moving to a nearby town in a few weeks, and starting the first week in Sept., my son (with high functioning autism) will be attending a new school. The timing is not very good for this move as we had hoped to wait until he finished grade school at the current location. In any event, how can we make this transition without having major meltdowns and/or behavioral problems?"

Answer

The transition to a new school can include changing from elementary school to middle school - or middle school to high school. It can also include moving to a new school district. In any event, your high-functioning autistic (HFA) youngster will rely on you to guide him toward making predictable sense of it all.

Changing schools, relocating to a new home, and having a new baby sister are all exciting times for the HFA child – but they are also stressful, overwhelming times. Even the word “change” may be disturbing for some kids on the autism spectrum, because it may be associated with “loss of security” and “unpleasant circumstances.” 
 

Below are 15 important tips to ease your son’s transition to a new school. (Note: It may not be possible to implement all of these suggestions; some schools are more accommodating than others.)

1. A school-team meeting should take place to (a) plan for your youngster's transition, (b) ensure consistency, and (c) document the steps agreed upon. If the school does not offer such a meeting, contact your youngster's school to request that the principal schedule one.

2. Acknowledge that changing schools can be a scary or frustrating time because of so much being unknown. Moving up in grades is also a measure of growth and maturity. Reinforce with your youngster that he is growing and learning, and that he certainly wouldn't want to stay in his present grade level, even if it meant remaining in the same building.

3. As the ‘first day of school’ grows near, be prepared for your child’s anxiousness to grow. Be ready to
offer reassurances and answer questions. Transitioning to a new school will be taxing and stressful for your youngster, but with preparations in place, it should be much more manageable.

4. HFA and Asperger's students usually don’t do well without structure. So ask school officials if there are any responsibilities that can be assigned to your child during unstructured activity times. Some schools offer structured indoor activities as alternatives to recess and other unstructured times.

5. Be sure that your youngster has his own way of visually counting down the days until the transition by marking off a calendar or some other timekeeping device. 
 

6. Give the transition as much attention and importance as it carries for your child, but balance it with an air of fun and adventure. Remember, your youngster will reflect back to you what you project upon him. If your anxiety shines through, it will directly affect the intensity of his anxiety.

7. Have your youngster meet next year's primary or homeroom teacher before the end of his current school year. In addition, arrange for that teacher to observe your youngster in his current class to glean firsthand information about his learning style.

8. If your youngster has anxiety about being identified as an easy target for bullies, find out about the new school's bullying policy and obtain it in writing to review and share with your youngster. Follow up with the administration if you have any questions or concerns about incident investigation or accountability. Your youngster should know exactly who he can tell about any incidents in which he has felt bullied – verbally or physically.

9. Obtain a map of the new building’s layout for your youngster to keep. Specify all the areas, rooms, and exits he may use (e.g., location of his locker). This will help him to prepare and plan some subtle adaptations or accommodations.

10. Partner with your youngster in information-gathering prior to the transition, or at the least, provide daily updates to quell his fears and butterflies.

11. Pledge to support your youngster in demystifying as many of the unknowns as possible.
 

12. Schedule at least one visit to the new building and provide your youngster with a camera or camcorder to record the visit, allowing him to be in charge of directing the “movie” for the day. In this way, your youngster can relieve some of his anxiety by reviewing the images as often as he wishes at home where he feels safe and comfortable.

13. See if the school can provide a peer-mentor or some other student who can show your youngster around in a discreet, non-stigmatizing way with the potential for friendship.

14. Understand that many educators may not know much about autism spectrum disorders if they haven't had a child with HFA previously. It will be your job to help educate them.

15. Ask your child’s new teacher if she can provide your child with a clear, up-to-date photograph of herself. In addition, attached to the photograph, the teacher may add any personal data she feels comfortable sharing. Share this information and the photo with your child. Some examples of personal data include:
  • Birthday (month and day only)
  • Car make, model, color and year
  • Favorite color
  • Favorite music
  • Favorite places to vacation
  • Favorite sports
  • Full name, with an indication of how the teacher is to be addressed (e.g., Mr., Mrs., Miss)
  • Hobbies
  • Loved ones and their names
  • Pets and their names

With a little assistance and reassurance from parents, the child on the spectrum can be expected to succeed – and enjoy – his new school environment.

Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
 
More articles for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

Click here to read the full article…

---------------------------------------------------------------

Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

Click here for the full article...

--------------------------------------------------------------

Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

Click here to read the full article…

------------------------------------------------------------

Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

Click here to read the full article…

------------------------------------------------------------

Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

Click here to read the full article...

------------------------------------------------------------

Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

Click here for the full article...
 
------------------------------------------------------------
 
A child with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) can have difficulty in school because, since he fits in so well, many adults may miss the fact that he has a diagnosis. When these children display symptoms of their disorder, they may be seen as defiant or disruptive.

Click here for the full article...
By

Skills for Parents, Teachers and Therapists Who Deal with Autism Spectrum Disorders



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The Social Traits of Kids on the Autism Spectrum

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Creating a Written or Picture Schedule: How to Reduce Defiance in Kids on the Autism Spectrum





Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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By

Helping Your Child on the Autism Spectrum to Deal with Stress

"How can I help my little man (high functioning autistic) reduce his stress. He's usually excessively concerned about many things. Currently his main stressor is worrying about a week long summer camp coming up soon (but after that, it will be something else)."

Kids and teens with ASD Level 1, or High-Functioning Autism, tend to experience more anxiety and stress relative to neurotypical children. Issues like school and social life can sometimes create pressures that can feel overwhelming for these children.

As a mother or father, you can't protect your child from all stress, but you can help him develop healthy ways to cope with stress and solve everyday problems.

Here are some important parenting techniques to help your autistic child deal with stress:

1. Be patient. As a mother or father, it hurts to see your child unhappy or stressed. But try to resist the urge to fix every problem. Instead, focus on helping him grow into a good problem-solver. A kid who knows how to roll with life's ups and downs, put feelings into words, calm down when needed, and bounce back to try again, is a child who will be happy and healthy through the adolescent years and on into adulthood.

2. Comment briefly on the feelings you think your child was experiencing. For example, you might say "That must have been upsetting," "No wonder you felt mad when they wouldn't let you in the game," or "That must have seemed unfair to you." Doing this shows that you understand what he felt, why, and that you care. Feeling understood and listened to will help your son or daughter feel supported by you, and that is especially important in times of stress.
 

3. Having “pizza night” (or your child’s favorite food) to discuss the week’s trials and tribulations can be therapeutic for some stressed-out kids.

4. Help your child think of things to do. If there's a specific problem that's causing stress, talk together about what to do. Encourage your youngster to think of a couple of ideas. You can get the brainstorm started if necessary, but don't do all the work. Your youngster's active participation will build confidence. Support the good ideas and add to them as needed. Ask, "How do you think this will work?"

5. Just be there. Children on the autism spectrum don't always feel like talking about what's bothering them. Sometimes that's OK. Let your child know you'll be there when he does feel like talking. Even when children don't want to talk, they usually don't want moms and dads to leave them alone. You can help your youngster feel better just by being there — keeping him company, spending time together. So if you notice that your youngster seems to be down in the dumps, stressed, or having a bad day — but doesn't feel like talking — initiate something you can do together (e.g., take a walk, watch a movie, shoot some hoops, bake some cookies, etc.). Your presence really counts!

6. Limit stress where possible. If certain situations are causing stress, see if there are ways to change things. For instance, if too many after-school activities consistently cause homework stress, it might be necessary to limit activities to leave time and energy for homework.

7. Listen and move on. Sometimes talking and listening and feeling understood is all that's needed to help an autistic youngster's frustrations begin to melt away. Afterwards, try changing the subject and moving on to something more positive and relaxing. Help your youngster think of something to do to feel better. Don't give the problem more attention than it deserves.

8. Listen to your youngster. Ask him to tell you what's wrong. Listen attentively and calmly — with interest, patience, openness, and caring. Avoid any urge to judge, blame, lecture, or say what you think he should have done instead. The idea is to let your youngster's concerns (and feelings) be heard. Try to get the whole story by asking questions like "And then what happened?" Take your time. And let your son or daughter take his or her time, too.
 

9. Notice out loud. Tell your child when you notice that something's bothering her. If you can, name the feeling you think she is experiencing (e.g., "It seems like you're still mad about what happened at the playground."). This shouldn't sound like an accusation (e.g., "OK, what happened now? Are you still mad about that?"), or put the youngster on the spot. It's just a casual observation that you're interested in hearing more about her concern. Be sympathetic and show you care and want to understand.

10. Put a label on it. Most children on the spectrum do not have words for their feelings. If your youngster seems angry or frustrated, use those words to help him learn to identify the emotions by name. Putting feelings into words helps these children communicate and develop emotional awareness - the ability to recognize their own emotional states. Kids who can do so are less likely to reach the behavioral boiling point where strong emotions get demonstrated through behaviors rather than communicated with words.

Moms and dads can't solve every problem as their child goes through life. But by teaching healthy coping strategies, you'll prepare him or her to manage the stresses that come in the future.

 
Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
----------
 
 
 
More articles for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

Click here to read the full article…

---------------------------------------------------------------

Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

Click here for the full article...

--------------------------------------------------------------

Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

Click here to read the full article…

------------------------------------------------------------

Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

Click here to read the full article…

------------------------------------------------------------

Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

Click here to read the full article...

------------------------------------------------------------

Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

Click here for the full article...
 
------------------------------------------------------------
 
A child with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) can have difficulty in school because, since he fits in so well, many adults may miss the fact that he has a diagnosis. When these children display symptoms of their disorder, they may be seen as defiant or disruptive.

Click here for the full article...


 COMMENTS:
  • Anonymous said... I don't know if this helps but I am looking into yoga, mindfullnees to help me and my toddler and a professional just mentioned fun village which is activities designed to help children I am hoping use it to destress us both as his stress and aggressive behaviours stress me and then it just escalates, I know it may be different situation but heard yoga really helpful.
  • Anonymous said... my son's teacher definitely could benefit from reading this. 
  • Anonymous said... Reading this has opened my eyes a little,.. maybe the teacher needs to read this?? 
  • Anonymous said... This has been a big issue with my daughter lately. Usually about once a month she will have a meltdown and refuse to go to school. Because of the excessive number of snow days in our area and a change in my husband's work schedule, there have been a huge number of these meltdowns in the last couple of months. 
  • Anonymous said... Working on sensory strategies for heightened sound/ sensory defensiveness with an OT. This should help.

 Post your comment below...
By

How Parents Can Help the Oppositional Child with High-Functioning Autism

By

Revealing Your ASD Child's Diagnosis to Other Family Members

"How should we go about telling my parents (and other family members) that our son has been diagnosed with autism (high-functioning)? They have always thought his behavior was odd. We believe strongly they should know so they can help to one degree or another with his special needs."

Disclosing your youngster's diagnosis to other family members (e.g., grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, etc.) is a sensitive issue. Divulging this information should occur in partnership with your high-functioning autistic youngster in order to determine how much - or how little – extended family members need to know. 

In weighing your decision, ask yourself the following:
  • Can other family members be trusted to honor this disclosure?
  • Can they treat the subject with sensitivity and respect?
  • Can I foresee their reactions?
  • How often do I see these relatives?
  • If there's potential for misunderstanding and conflict, how will I handle it?
  • If they are intrigued and interested, how will I handle that without breaching my youngster's trust about disclosure (i.e., sharing more than what we agreed on)?
  • If I see them infrequently (e.g., only once or twice a year), is it important to say anything?
 
In the end, the pros of disclosure may outweigh the cons, but you and your youngster may decide that it's simply no one's business. Many high-functioning autistic (HFA) kids can skillfully “pass” and “blend in” for the duration of a day with extended family such that any differences may go completely unnoticed given all the other distractions.

If you decide it’s appropriate to share information about your youngster's diagnosis, you will want to be prepared to deal with the potential for other family members to show their ignorance (they may simply need to be educated about the condition), overcompensation, or discomfort. You will need to consider how best to control any situations that arise from over-reactions should they express concern about the entire family being stigmatized by the diagnosis.

For example, they may:
  • become increasingly distant due to their own issues in processing the information (e.g., they may only want to spend time with your other kids)
  • confuse HFA with severe Autism or some other diagnosis
  • exclude you and your youngster from future family get-togethers
  • express excessive and unreasonable concern (e.g., they may think that ASD is life threatening, contagious, etc.)
  • focus on a cure or a “quick fix”
  • offer assurances and support
  • be overly cautious (e.g., trying not to do or say the wrong thing)

So, be prepared for the full range of reactions from extended family.
 

Additional tips:
  1. Agree on how long you will attend family gatherings – and stick to it!
  2. Be certain to locate an area where your son can retreat, undisturbed by others, to recuperate during much-needed “downtime.” Show him where this “safe place” is, and assure him that he may use it at will.
  3. Check with your family members in advance to find out what materials your son may access with their permission.
  4. Ensure that your son has some materials related to his special interest (e.g., iPod, iPad) to quietly indulge in if he feels overwhelmed.
  5. Make sure he knows where books, TV or videos, crayons, pen or paper, and Internet access can be found for solitary downtime activities.
  6. To help your son in surviving a day or more with extended family, you will want to arm him with self-advocacy and coping skills prior to attending family get-togethers.

Sharing information about your youngster’s disorder with neighbors, acquaintances, or total strangers in your community is no different than the process of determining when, where, and how to share the same information with extended family. Weigh carefully the pros and cons that may come from disclosing this information. 
 
Ideally, your HFA child should be encouraged to be his own advocate as early as possible in order to decide how much or how little to tell others about his condition (if it's even necessary at all).
 
 
 

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