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The Top 5 Social Skills to Teach Children on the Autism Spectrum

Difficulty with social skills is not isolated to kids with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) and Asperger’s. Many of these young people exhibit difficulties with a variety of social skills for numerous reasons.

However, a social skills program developed to address general social impairments doesn’t adequately address the social skills deficits specific to HFA and Asperger’s.

When selecting social goals for intervention, it’s crucial that parents prioritize and address the skill deficits that are most relevant to their child (e.g., eye contact may be a greater priority than negotiation skills, given its significance in social interaction, such as monitoring other’s reactions to indicate interest or engagement).

In addition, it’s important that all instructional activities have an underlying social purpose. Make clear to your child how and why the goals selected are relevant for him or her.

The five broad skills that are particularly relevant to HFA and Asperger’s are: social problem-solving skills, play and friendship skills, emotion-processing skills, conversational skills, and basic interactional skills.

Specific social skills to teach should include the following:

•  Conversation skills need to cover basic elements of how to start, maintain, and end a conversation. The subtler aspects of conversations should be included as well (e.g., asking questions of others, choosing appropriate topics, joining a conversation already underway, making comments, taking turns in conversation, and using nonverbal indicators to express interest).

•  It’s crucial to teach basic friendship and relationship skills. The concept of friendship and the important qualities of being a good friend should be discussed, listed, and practiced (e.g., compromising, following group rules, greeting others, responding to greetings, sharing and taking turns, and joining groups).

•  It’s also important for parents to teach the nonverbal behaviors that are important to social interaction (e.g., appropriate eye contact, social distance, voice volume, facial expression, etc.).

•  Parents should also help their child to understand thoughts and feelings of self and others. You can begin by increasing emotion recognition and vocabulary skills, because most kids on the autism spectrum are not familiar with emotional terms beyond the basics.

•  Perspective-taking and empathy training are two other great skills to teach. Here, you want your child to act out situations in which different people think different things or have different underlying motives.

•  Social problem-solving should be taught (e.g., what to do when your youngster is teased, feels left out, or is told “no”). The focus here is on the development of practical solutions, coping mechanisms, and self-control for difficult interpersonal situations.

•  Make use Social Stories to introduce new social skills. Social Stories are “written illustrations” that present social information. Although they provide some specific guidance about what to do or say in a social situation, they also highlight social cues, the motives or expectations of others, and other information that the child may not have appreciated.

Your youngster should be aware of his or her personal target goal and should be “reinforced” for meeting it throughout the social skills training you implement (e.g., reinforcement charts posted on the wall, goal or point cards, cups in which the goal is affixed and tokens are placed, etc.).

For new or emerging skills, the child can be reinforced the moment the skill is displayed spontaneously. 

For more information on teaching social skills to children with HFA and Asperger's, click on the link below:

==> https://www.social-skills-emotion-management.com
 
 
More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:
 
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Making the Abstract Concrete: Teaching Social Competence to Kids on the Autism Spectrum

Many children on the autism spectrum don’t understand abstract concepts. They have trouble reading between the lines. If a person says, “I’m so angry I could spit,” they may wait and watch for the person to spit. Social competence requires an ability to think abstractly.

If the child has difficulty in this area, he or she may fail to understand facial expressions, have difficulty keeping emotions in check, have problems taking turns, interrupt others while they are speaking, prefer talking to adults rather than other kids, share information in inappropriate ways, talk too much about their favorite topic, or withdraw from conversations with peers entirely.

Similar to teaching many academic skills, teaching social competence involves abstract skills and concepts. Because kids with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) and Asperger’s tend to be concrete and literal, the abstract nature of these interpersonal skills (e.g., kindness, reciprocity, friendships, thoughts, and feelings) makes them especially difficult to master.

A first crucial step is to define the abstract social skill or problem in clear and concrete terms (e.g., knowing when your friend is joking versus being mean). The behavior must be clearly put into action and the youngster taught to identify it and differentiate it from other behaviors (e.g., Is this a friend or not a friend? Is this a quiet or a loud voice? Was I being teased or not? Am I following directions or not?).

Examples of making the abstract concrete include:
  • “If-then” rules can be taught when the social behaviors involved are predictable and consistent (e.g., “If someone says ‘thank you,’ then you say ‘you're welcome’.”).
  • Kids on the autism spectrum who are learning eye contact may respond better to the more concrete “point your eyes” than to “make eye contact” or “look at me.” 
  • Personal space can be defined concretely as “an arm away” or “a ruler away” instead of “too close.”

Short menus of behavior options can be presented for particular social situations for these young people to choose among (e.g., three things you can do to deal with teasing).

Visually-based instruction is another great way to make the abstract concrete. Many kids with HFA and Asperger’s – even those who have considerable verbal skill – demonstrate a visual preference oand learn best with visually-cued instruction. Incorporating visual cues, prompts, and props to augment verbal instruction can make abstract social skills more tangible and easily understood.

Other visually-based instruction may include:
  • A large “Z” made of cardboard can be used to depict the back-and-forth flow of a conversation.
  • Examples of intermediate and finished products can be used to demonstrate steps in activities or projects. 
  • Kids on the spectrum can be taught to look at the eyes of others using a cardboard arrow. They can be instructed to hold the arrow on the side of their face next to their right eye, and point it at the eyes of the person to whom they are speaking. This aligns their face and eyes in the correct direction. Once this skill has been practiced using this concrete visual cue, use of the arrow can be faded out.
  • Pictures can be used to define concepts or clarify definitions.
  • Voice volume or affect intensity can be depicted visually in a thermometer-like format.
  • Written lists can be used to summarize discussion topics.

Such visual prompts can be faded out eventually, and the skill can be practiced in more natural contexts.

For more information on teaching social competence to kids on the autism spectrum, click on the link below:
 
 
 
More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:
 
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Meltdown Prevention: Parents’ Quick Reference Sheet

In the initial stage of a meltdown, kids (and teenagers) with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) and Asperger’s exhibit specific behavior changes that may not seem to be related directly to a meltdown. 
 
The behaviors may seem minor (e.g., may clear their throats, lower their voices, tense their muscles, tap their foot, grimace, or otherwise indicate general discontent). They may also engage in behaviors that are more obvious (e.g., emotionally or physically withdrawing).

During the early stage of a meltdown, it is crucial that parents intervene without becoming part of a struggle. The following interventions can be effective in helping your youngster regain control with minimal adult support:

1.  Ask teachers to create a “home-base,” which is a place in the school where your child can “escape.” The home-base should be quiet with few visual or activity distractions, and activities should be selected carefully to ensure that they are calming rather than alerting. At home, the home-base may be the youngster's room or an isolated area in the house. Regardless of its location, it is important that the home-base is viewed as a positive environment. (Note: The home-base is not “timeout” or an escape from classroom tasks or chores.)

2.  Display a chart or visual schedule of expectations and events, which can provide security to kids on the spectrum who typically need predictability.

3.  Help your youngster to focus on something other than the task or activity that seems to be upsetting.

4.  Inform your child of schedule changes ahead of time, which can prevent anxiety and reduce the likelihood of a meltdown.

5.  Make use of a short diary that lists your child’s meltdown triggers, and what interventions seem to work (most of the time). In this way, you get to really know your child. This is crucial, because the wrong intervention can escalate - rather than deescalate - a behavior problem. Furthermore, although interventions in the early stage of a meltdown do not require extensive time, you must understand the events that precipitate the target behaviors so that you can be ready to intervene early and teach your child strategies to maintain behavior-control. 
 

Of course, you want to “intervene,” but you also want to teach your child to recognize her own frustration and have a means of handling it. You simply can’t be available all the time. There will be occasions when your child will need to use self-control strategies without parental or teacher support.

6.  Move near your youngster whenever he is beginning to “rumble” (i.e., gearing up for a meltdown). Often something as simple as standing next to your child is calming. This can easily be accomplished without interrupting an ongoing activity.

7.  Pay attention to cues from your child. When he begins to exhibit a “precursor behavior” (e.g., throat clearing, pacing), use a nonverbal signal to let him know that you are aware of the situation (e.g., an agreed-upon “secret” signal, such as tapping on a table top, may be used to alert the youngster that he is under stress). A “signal” may be followed by a stress -relief strategy (e.g., squeezing a stress ball).

8.  Remove your youngster (in a non-punitive fashion) from the environment in which she is experiencing difficulty. At school, the youngster may be sent on an errand. At home, she may be asked to retrieve an object for a you. During this time, the youngster has an opportunity to regain a sense of calm. When she returns, the problem will typically be diminished in magnitude - and you are on hand for support, if needed.

9.  Walk with your youngster without talking. Silence on your part is important, because a child on the autism spectrum who is beginning to “meltdown” will likely react emotionally to any adult statement, misinterpreting it or rephrasing it beyond recognition. On this walk, your child can say whatever she wishes without fear of discipline or reprimand. In the meantime, you should be calm, show as little reaction as possible, and never be confrontational.

10.  When your child is in the initial stage of a meltdown because of a difficult task - and you think that he can complete the task with your support - offer a brief acknowledgement that validates your child’s frustration and help him complete the task. For example, when working on a math problem, your youngster says, “This is too hard.” Knowing he can complete the problem, you can refocus his attention by saying, “Yes, the problem is difficult. Let's start with number one.”

* You may want to print this article and keep it with you, or post it on the fridge.


==> Parenting System That Stops Meltdowns Before They Start
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Our Top 10 Picks for Teaching Children on the Spectrum About Emotions

Social-emotional learning is a key component in educating younger kids with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's. Help your child learn how to recognize, manage, and express his or her feelings.






















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Students on the Autism Spectrum: Classroom Solutions for Teachers to Employ

It’s important to educate students with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) and Asperger’s (AS) in a way that addresses their individual differences and needs (no two of these “special needs” children are alike). Preferably, the educational process involves the individually-planned and systematically-monitored arrangement of teaching methods, adapted equipment and materials, and accessible settings.

Protection from Bullies—

Most kids with HFA and AS are very bright, and may even excel academically in one or more subjects. However, they often need protection from other students who bully or take advantage of them. Kids on the autism spectrum may not know which students to avoid (e.g., if an HFA youngster makes a friend, that "friend" may make him do assignments for him, break rules, take the blame, and otherwise put the HFA youngster in jeopardy).

Training in Social and Emotional Competency—

Young people on the autism spectrum usually don’t understand the "hidden rules" of school, but take all rules at face value. For example, they may memorize the rule (e.g., "don't cuss at school”), yet don't realize that most students cuss, but you don't use cuss words in front of school staff.

These “special needs” kids also don’t understand "hidden social agendas." If an HFA or AS child participates on a high school debate team that meets in a sandwich shop, he comes prepared like a little professor to talk about the subject at hand, but doesn’t understand that the other students are there to socialize as well as practice for the team.

For this reason, kids on the spectrum require individualized training in social and emotional competency. There are many promising teaching techniques that can be used. On the elementary school level, some educators are using "social stories" with special cartoons illustrated with "emo faces" to help HFA and AS kids recognize facial expressions. Acting classes also help these children better understand emotional reactions.
 

Special Education versus Mainstream Classroom—

Special ed classrooms usually have a small number of kids with a variety of special needs. The teacher may have extra training in special education and receive help from one or more aides. Therefore, the big advantage of a special ed classroom is extra individual attention. However, there are several disadvantages to these classrooms as well:
  • Academics may be "watered down" in a special ed situation.
  • Kids on the spectrum don’t do well with emotionally disturbed kids who are often streetwise and aggressive. If these two groups are together in the classroom, there is the risk of producing a combination of the perfect victim and perfect victimizer.
  • Kids with HFA and AS often gain more knowledge about social interactions and how the "normal" world operates in a mainstream classroom.

Sometimes a youngster on the autism spectrum may start out in a special ed classroom and gradually transition to a mainstream one. This usually has to be done slowly, and takes an average of two months to two years. It may begin with just a half-hour at a time in the regular classroom for elementary school students, and perhaps an hour at a time in the student's strongest subject on the high school level. Some experts recommend seating the HFA or AS child next to a successful student who can help him or her with organization and provide class notes, when necessary.

Predictability and Structure—

In general, HFA and AS students do better in classrooms that are predictable and structured with as few transitions as possible. Teaching with an emphasis on visual presentation plays to the child's strength of visual acuity. During "unstructured" periods (e.g., lunch, physical education, recess, and passing to classes), the “special needs” child may need certain accommodations.

Special accommodations that teachers should employ:
  • model “staying calm” in the face of conflict
  • be a sensitive person so that if the HFA or AS child rages at school, he does not experience complete humiliation in front of his classmates
  • develop a special "cue" (e.g., tapping the youngster's shoulder) to help him pay attention when his mind is wandering
  • help with transitions
  • learn how to deal with "meltdowns" (e.g., intervene in the "rumbling" or beginning stage)
  • understand that after a meltdown, the youngster may be exhausted, or deny that it happened
  • let the youngster know in advance when he will have to recite in front of the class, or have a quiz/test
  • use drama to help the youngster understand other people's emotions

These interventions are designed to help students on the autism spectrum achieve a higher level of personal self-reliance and achievement in school, which may not happen if they were not given the classroom solutions listed above.


==> Teaching Students with Aspergers and HFA
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Helping Kids on the Autism Spectrum to Develop Their Own “Emotional Toolbox”


Perhaps one of the best techniques we as parents of kids with ASD level 1, or High-Functioning Autism, can employ is the creation of an “emotional toolbox” designed to help the child to “repair” his or her feelings.

Most kids know that a toolbox usually includes a variety of tools to repair a machine, for example. So, parents can begin discussion and activities that are used to identify different types of “tools” for specific problems associated with feelings.

For example:
  • One type of “emotional repair tool” can be a paintbrush, which can be used to represent relaxation tools that lower the heart rate (e.g., drawing, reading, listening to calming music, etc.).
  • A picture of a manual can be used to represent thinking tools that are designed to improve cognitive processes (e.g., phrases that encourage reflection before reaction). James, a young man with ASD, developed his “antidote to toxic thoughts” through the use of this tool. He developed a “stop and think first” technique whenever he was upset and about to lash-out at someone.
  • A two-handle saw can be used to represent social activities or people who can help repair feelings (e.g., communication with someone who is known to be sympathetic and able to alleviate negative feelings). This can be by spoken word or typed communication, enabling the child to gain a new perspective on the problem and providing some practical advice. 
  • Another type of emotional repair tool can be represented by a hammer, which signifies physical “tools” for calming down (e.g., going for a walk, bouncing on a trampoline, crushing empty cans for recycling, etc.). The goal here is to repair emotions constructively by a safe physical act that increases the heart rate. One child with Asperger’s explained how running around the yard “takes the fight out of me.”

The idea is to provide a “repair statement” (i.e., self-talk) for the autistic child that counteracts his or her negative thoughts. For instance, “I can't deal with this (a toxic or negative thought), but I can do this with mom’s help (positive thought or antidote).” 
 

The child can also be taught that becoming overly-emotional often inhibits his or her intellectual abilities in a particular situation that requires good problem-solving skills. The self-talk here might be, “When I’m angry and frustrated, I need to cool down so I can think about how to solve this problem.”

The concept of a toolbox can be extremely helpful in enabling the youngster with ASD not only to repair her own feelings, but also to repair the feelings of others. Kids on the spectrum often benefit from instruction in learning what tools to use to help friends and family - and which tools others use - so that they may borrow tools to add to their own emotional repair kit.

Humor and imagination can be used as “thinking tools.” Contrary to popular myths, young people on the spectrum greatly benefit from laughter, can enjoy jokes typical of their developmental level, and can be very creative with puns and jokes.

Parents should also have a discussion of “inappropriate tools” (e.g., one would not use a hammer to fix a wrist watch) to explain how some actions (e.g., violence) are not appropriate emotional repair mechanisms. For instance, one child with Asperger’s would slap himself to stop negative thoughts and feelings, which only had a very temporary effect and did not solve the problem.

Another tool that could become inappropriate is for the child to repeatedly retreat into his fantasy world (e.g., imagining he is a superhero), or to plan retaliation. The use of escape into fantasy literature and games can be a typical tool for ordinary children. But for kids on the autism spectrum, escape is of concern when it becomes the exclusive coping mechanism (e.g., the fine line between fantasy and reality may be unclear to the child).
 

Another concern is when daydreams of retaliation to teasing/bullying are expressed in drawings, writing, and threats. Although this may be a typical means of emotional expression, there is a concern that the expression is misinterpreted as an intention to carry out the fantasy – or may be a precursor to retaliation using weapons.

Talking to pets as a “social tool” in preference to talking to friends or developing relationships with people is another inappropriate tool in some cases.

“Unusual tools” should also be discussed. For instance, one teenage girl with Asperger’s explained that, “Crying doesn't work for me, so I get mad.” In this case, tears were a rare response to feeling sad, with a more common response to sadness being anger, which caused others to misinterpret her behavior.

Another unusual tool is that of being quick at resolving grief and serious tragedies (e.g., death of a loved one). This trait can be of concern to the child’s parents, who expect the classic signs of prolonged and intense grieving. Parents may view the child as uncaring, yet the rapid recovery is simply a characteristic of the disorder.

Developing an emotional toolbox to “fix” feelings is a way to improve a child’s self-esteem, train her to be able to relate to others effectively, and help her develop a sense of how she learns best in the area of social skills and emotional control.

 
Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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Anxiety-Management: Tips for Parents of Children on the Autism Spectrum

Young people with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) and Asperger’s are prone to greater anxiety in their daily lives than their “typical” peers. 

Social interaction, especially with more than one person, inevitably increases anxiety to a point where the child’s coping mechanisms may deteriorate.

Situations in which he or she has to identify, translate, and respond to social and emotional cues – and cope with unexpected noise levels – often result in a meltdown. 

Parents can – and should – teach their “special needs” child traditional relaxation methods using activities to encourage muscle relaxation and breathing exercises as a counter-conditioning technique. But, parents must also consider the circumstances in which their child is particularly prone to anxiety.

Environmental modification can significantly reduce anxiety in kids on the autism spectrum (e.g., having a safe area for periods of solitude to relax or concentrate on schoolwork, minimizing distractions, reducing noise levels, etc.). If the parent recognizes that a particular event is a major cause of anxiety, then it would be helpful to consider whether the source could be avoided (e.g., recommending the temporary suspension of homework).

At school, one option for the HFA youngster who becomes anxious on the playground is to be able to withdraw to the school library, or for the child who is stressed about socializing during the lunch break, to complete a crossword puzzle in a quiet area.

Another source of anxiety for kids on the spectrum is unexpected changes. Thus, they often need advance preparation and time to adjust to the new task or activity.

Cue-controlled relaxation is another useful part of an anxiety-management plan. One strategy is for the child to have an object in his or her pocket that symbolizes (or has been classically conditioned to) elicit feelings of relaxation.

For instance, one girl with HFA was a passionate reader of fiction, her favorite book being The Secret Garden. She kept a key in her pocket to symbolically open the door to the secret garden, a make-believe place where she felt calm and joyful. A couple minutes touching or looking at the key helped her to visualize a scene mentioned in the book and to calm down and reach a more confident state of mind.

Another example was a boy on the autism spectrum who had a special picture in his backpack of a beach scene, which reminded him of the time his family vacationed in Florida and he collected seashells found in the sand. He viewed the picture frequently whenever he was in the throes of a stressful event.




 
 
 
More articles for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

Click here to read the full article…

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Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

Click here for the full article...

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Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

Click here to read the full article…

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Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

Click here to read the full article…

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Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

Click here to read the full article...

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Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

Click here for the full article...
 
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A child with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) can have difficulty in school because, since he fits in so well, many adults may miss the fact that he has a diagnosis. When these children display symptoms of their disorder, they may be seen as defiant or disruptive.

Click here for the full article...
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ASD: Difficulty Identifying and Interpreting Emotional Signals in Others

Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is a complex neurodevelopmental condition that affects an individual's ability to communicate, interact w...