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Why Children on the Autism Spectrum are Prone to Meltdowns

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Counseling and Coaching Services for Parents of Children and Teens on the Autism Spectrum

If you’re the parent of a child with Aspergers (AS) or High-Functioning Autism (HFA), you know it can be a struggle from time to time. Your child may be experiencing obsessive routines, problems coping in social situations, intense tantrums called "meltdowns," and over-sensitivity to sounds, tastes, smells and sights. 

Then there are the pressures you face (e.g., the awkwardness you feel in social situations, the desperate desire to try anything, and the pressure it puts on your relationships with your partner and other children). It can be very frustrating having a child with AS or HFA. The hardest part is you feel like you’ll never actually get to know your child and how he or she views the world.

Click here for personal one-on-one parent coaching...
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High-Functioning Autism and Struggles in Adolescence

“I have a very lonely and depressed 17 year old son with high functioning autism that spends all of his time (except for going to school) in his bedroom playing video games. I don’t totally understand why he is always so down in the dumps. I wish there was something I could do to help him find some friends and start enjoying life. Any suggestions?”

Adolescence is probably the most miserable and complicated years for many young people with ASD level 1, or High-Functioning Autism (HFA). This is not true of everyone – some do extremely well. Their indifference to what peers think makes them indifferent to the intense peer pressure of adolescence. They can flourish within their specialty and become accomplished in their area of interest (e.g., music, history, etc.).

Unfortunately, many HFA adolescents become more socially isolated during a period when they crave friendships and inclusion more than ever. In the rough-and-tough world of middle and high school, these adolescents often face rejection, isolation and bullying. To make matters worse, school becomes more demanding in a period when these young people have to compete for college placements. Issues of sexuality and a desire for independence from moms and dads create even more problems.

In the adolescent world where everyone feels insecure, young people that appear different or “odd” are voted out of “the group.” HFA teens often have strange mannerisms (e.g., talk in a loud un-modulated voice, avoid eye contact, interrupt others, violate others physical space, steer the conversation to their favorite “odd” topic, etc.). Many of these young people appear willful, selfish and aloof, mostly because they are unable to share their thoughts and feelings with others. Isolated and alone, these adolescents are simply too anxious to initiate social contact.
 

Many adolescents on the spectrum are stiff and rule-oriented and act like little adults, which is a deadly trait in any adolescent popularity contest. Friendship and all its nuances of reciprocity can be exhausting for these teenagers, even though they want it more than anything else.

HFA teenagers typically don’t care about current fads and clothing styles (concerns that obsess everyone else in their peer group). Also, these adolescents may neglect their hygiene and wear the same haircut for years. Some autistic teens remain stuck in grammar school clothes and hobbies (e.g., unicorns, Legos, dolls, etc.) instead of moving into adolescent concerns like FaceBook and dating. HFA males often have little motor coordination, which leaves them out of high school sports (typically an essential area of male bonding and friendship).

Adolescents on the autism spectrum are not privy to street knowledge of sex and dating behaviors that other adolescents pick up naturally. This leaves them naive and clueless. HFA males can become obsessed with Internet pornography and masturbation. They can be overly forward with a female peer who is simply being kind, and then they can get accused of stalking the girl. HFA girls may have fully developed bodies, but no understanding of flirtation and non-verbal sexual cues, thus making them susceptible to harassment – and even date rape.

Loneliness and depression can lead to problems with drugs, sex and alcohol. In their overwhelming need to “fit in” and make friends, some adolescents on the spectrum fall into the wrong crowd. Typical adolescents who abuse drugs and alcohol may use the autistic teen's naivety to get him or her to buy/carry drugs and alcohol for their group.

Many adolescents on the spectrum, with their average to above average IQs, can sail through elementary school, and yet hit academic problems in middle and high school. They now have to deal with 5 to 7 different teachers instead of just 1 or 2. The likelihood that at least one teacher will be indifferent - or even hostile - toward making special accommodations is almost certain. The HFA teenager now has to face a series of classroom environments with different classmates, odors, distractions, noise levels, and sets of expectations.

HFA adolescents, with their distractibility and difficulty organizing materials, face similar academic problems as young people with ADHD. A high school term paper or a science project becomes impossible to manage, because no one has taught the youngster how to break it up into a series of small steps. Even though the academic stress on autistic students can be overwhelming, school administrators may be reluctant to enroll them in special education at this late point in their educational career.

Adolescence is an emotional rollercoaster for all teens. But, the hormonal changes of adolescence coupled with the problems associated with having an autism spectrum disorder mean that HFA adolescents can easily become emotionally overwhelmed. Childish tantrums can reappear. Males often act-out by physically attacking the teacher or a schoolmate. They may experience "meltdowns" at home after another day filled with harassment, bullying, pressure to conform, and rejection. Depression and drug/alcohol abuse become real concerns, as the adolescent now has access to a vehicle, drugs and alcohol.

The parent of an adolescent with HFA often faces many problems that others parents don’t. As the teen approaches adulthood, time is quickly running out for teaching him or her how to become an independent adult. The parent may face issues like vocational training, teaching independent living, and providing lifetime financial support. Meanwhile, the immature autistic teen is often indifferent – and even hostile – to the parent’s concerns.

Once HFA youngsters enter the adolescent years, they are harder to control and less likely to listen to their parents. They may be tired of parents nagging them to “pay attention to people when they’re talking to you” … “comb your hair” … “you need a shower” … “get up, it’s time to get ready for school” …and so on. They may hate school because they are dealing with so much anxiety, social isolation and academic failure.
 
==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

Here are some ways moms and dads of HFA adolescents can help:

1. Because of their sensitivity to textures, HFA adolescents often wear the same clothes day in and day out. This is unacceptable in middle or high school. One idea that has worked for some moms and dads is to find an adolescent of the same age and sex as your teen, and then enlist that person’s help in choosing clothes that will enable your teen to blend in with his or her peers.

2. Most adolescents with ASD level 1 can learn to drive, but their learning process may take longer because of poor motor coordination. Once they learn a set of rules, they are likely to follow them to the letter. However, these teens may have trouble dealing with unexpected situations on the road. Have your teen carry a cell phone, and give him or her a printed card that explains autism spectrum disorders. Teach him or her to give the card to a police officer and phone you in a crisis.

3. Alcoholic and drugs often react adversely with a person’s prescriptions, so you have to teach your teenager about these dangers in the event he or she is taking any medications. Also, since most HFA adolescents are very rule-oriented, try emphasizing that drugs and alcohol are illegal.

4. If your adolescent is college-bound, you have to prepare him or her for the experience. You can plan a trip to the campus and show your adolescent where to buy books, where the health services are, and so on. Teach your adolescent how to handle everyday problems, like where to buy deodorant, what to do if you oversleep and miss a class, etc.

5. If the pressure on your adolescent to conform is too great, if she or he faces constant harassment and rejection, if the principal and teachers do not cooperate with you, then it may be time to find another school. The adolescent years are often when many moms and dads decide it is in their adolescent’s best interest to enter special education or a therapeutic boarding school. In a boarding school, professionals will guide your son or daughter academically and socially on a twenty-four hour basis. They do not allow males to isolate themselves with video games. Everyone has to participate in social activities. Also, counseling staff helps with college placements. 
 

If you decide to work within a public school system, you may have to hire a lawyer to get needed services. Your HFA adolescent should have an Individual Education Plan (IEP) and accommodations for the learning disabled. This may mean placement in smaller classes, having a tutor, and obtaining special arrangements for gym and lunchtime. Teach your adolescent to find a safe place at school where he or she can share emotions with a trusted professional. The safe place may be the offices of the school nurse, guidance counselor, or a psychologist.

6. You MUST teach your adolescent about sex. You should NOT "talk around" the issue. You will have to be specific and detailed about safe sex and teach your adolescent to tell you about inappropriate touching by others. He or she may need remedial “sex education” (e.g., females need to understand that they are too old to sit on laps or give hugs to strangers, and males may have to learn to close toilet stall doors and masturbate only in private).

7. Teach your adolescent how to initiate contact with others. Teach how to leave phone messages and arrange details of social contacts (e.g., finding transportation to a school event). Encourage your adolescent to join high school clubs (e.g., chess or drama). It is not necessary for you to tell your teen’s peers that he or she has an autism spectrum disorder – let your teen do that. Many adolescents with HFA are enjoying each other's company through Internet chat rooms, forums and message boards.

8. Most summer and part-time jobs involve interaction with the public (e.g., movie usher, fast food worker, store clerk, etc.). This means they are not always a good fit for an adolescent with HFA. Some of these young people can find work in their field of special interest or in jobs that have little interpersonal interaction. Others have spent joyful summers at camps designed for “special needs” individuals like them.

As you prepare your adolescent for the workforce, keep in mind that individuals with HFA often do not understand office politics. They have problems with the basics (e.g., handling criticism, controlling emotions, showing up on time, working with the public, etc.). This does not mean they can’t hold down a job. Once they master certain aspects of employment, Adolescents and young adults on the spectrum are often able to work at high levels as accountants, research scientists, computer programmers, and so on.

 
Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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PARENTS' COMMENTS:
•    Anonymous said... an instrument could help -my boy plays drums and loves it ...more confidence anyway...
 •    Anonymous said... Aspies have a VERY hard time finding, making and keeping friends. When I was a teen I lost ALL of my friends my 9th grade year. Every last one. I was depressed and suicidal. I couldn't understand what I was doing wrong and why no one liked me!!! I do now though and today I know that I have Aspergers and so do two of my four children. We also believe my husband has it as well.  Computers/games/electronics allows us to focus on something else other that ourselves (Aspies are also VERY egocentric) and to escape. It helps us turn off our brains. It is comfort and it is release. The world of books is also comparable. For me, when I wasn't on the computer (I spent a lot of time programming - taught myself to do it when I was 8 yrs old), on my nintendo or my atari, I was reading. Those were probably the only things that kept me alive. If I'd had nowhere to escape to, I probably would have killed myself back then just to get that escape! Anyway, that's just my insight based on my own experiences. My two aspie kids also do this as well, especially my son, who also seems "mopey" all the time. He deals with being understimulated and a total lack of an ability to display emotion. So he might be REALLY excited about something but you would never know it based on his body language and facial expression. Hope this all helps!!!
 •    Anonymous said... Attending church & going to youth group functions is a tremendous blessing for my 15 yr. Old.
 •    Anonymous said... Certified Classical Homeopath
 •    Anonymous said... Find your state's autism society or advocacy organization and see if there are support/social groups for his age. If there aren't then start one! These nonprofit agencies offer wonderful support. I have found church and sports organizations that aren't affiliated with special needs groups specifically to be a mine field. You never know how accepting they can be but there are plenty of people out there in your position and you just need to connect with them! Also, look into letting him start community college. My son it only 10 but I have friends who have older Aspergers kids and they find their niche in community college where people tend to be more mature about accepting people into their groups. I live in Washington state and I came from Colorado where I had a wonderful resource outlet! If you are anywhere near me or would like some help finding some resources you can PM me! I don't mind helping anyone find support!
 •    Anonymous said... get him some professional help asap - find a therapist who specializes in adolescents on the spectrum, or a social skills group. Homeopathy can work wonders; find a CCH and get him treated asap. Do not take this lightly.
 •    Anonymous said... Good suggestions so far. I would also suggest encouraging more social interaction online. My husband is an Aspie who was not diagnosed until in his 30's but when he was a teenager he struggled immensely with in person interactions and relationships but was able to connect much easier online and this was back before the internet It may seem counterintuitive but for those with asperger's it can provide a place to belong, access to friends, and socialization in a way that is more comfortable for them which may help with the lonely depressed feeling. I also strongly agree with the suggestion to find him a therapist who works specifically with Aspies and look for a social skills group. Most importantly, remember that his way of interacting with the world may be different than yours and that there is nothing wrong with that. Make sure you are not trying to make him into the version of him you want for him - support him being who he is and what he needs to be happy. Hope that helps!
 •    Anonymous said... I would agree with Tristan. My son is 5 and if he gets too much screen time (ie. computer,tv, even Leapster) his behavior is much worse. We are working online with a Biomedical Dr named Dr. Woeller. He has given us great advice on all natural supplements for balanced behavior!
 •    Anonymous said... My 8 year old spends every available minute glued to a computer, or game console. We did not want to stop him from his one interest but were concerned that it was not healthy. He is now learning HTML programming so he can make his own web pages and hopefully he will go on to game programming later. We take him to all the conventions (comic con, Supa nova etc) as he loves to dress up as his fav game/anime characters and he even did Cosplay in front of a couple thousand people this year. I don't think taking the computer away is the answer. Sometimes they are ok but my son just gets angry, frustrated and depressed. Try engaging with them. We play games with my son online now. We play League of Legends with him and have our own mine craft server
•    Anonymous said... My aspie son helped his depression and anxiety with working out. Specifically LA Boxing workouts. Also list out his favorite non computer activities and find events related. For example my son liked yu gi oh cards so i started taking him to tournaments. Also when i limited computer time to weekends his depression and behavior improved. Best of luck. Address issues as early as you can.
 •    Anonymous said... Really my son is exactly the same, as been put down to asperges and been a teenager, he asnt been certified anything
 •    Anonymous said... similiar situation here too
 •    Anonymous said... Sounds like my son
 •    Anonymous said... This is an awesome article. It is helpful to hear someone put into words what you continue to observe but can't really understand. Thanks for posting.
 •    Anonymous said... very helpful thank you.
 •    Anonymous said... Depressed aspies need counseling. I've found that to be the best solution
•    Anonymous said... Hi my newly diagnosed daughter is 14 years old. She also plays "Sims" most of her free time for hrs. She has managed to keep one close friend from Primary School who she meets now & again. They play computer games all day when they meet up. I was just thinking whilst standing washing up a minute ago....the word isolation came in my mind. That's what I feel like as a caring parent so heaven knows how she feels. Just had an hr & half of calming her down after 2 and half hrs at her short stay medical school. She is staying there until age 16 as no other provision available at her age as starting GSCE's. She has been put on Prozac as her depression was getting so bad. It has helped lots. It enables her to socialise for about 3 hrs without meltdown or fatigue. I feel for you.....it is so hard. I am researching, reading all the time about Asperger's. My daughter has started blogging her experiences, passions etc. I hope for her to connect with othet teens with Aspergers over the internet to widen her friend base? Good luck with you son.
•    Anonymous said... I know it's not the answer for most people, or even possbile, but just over a year ago I began to home educate my daughter and the change is marked now she is not using all her 'spoons' to deal with copng with large numbers of people she can and does want to socilaize - on her own terms. she is more likely to chat on line with friends that she also meets up or has round now than play the same computer games or just watch her DVDs (and has had two major meltdowns in one year since I took her out of school), She didn't have any firends or want any and rejected fgirls that tried to befriend her while at school. Try to remember your teen is surrounded by too many noisy NTs all day and once removed from the situation will find and make friends on their own terms, so things will improve once they are older. I would also recommend 'Freaks, Geeks and Aspergers' by an Aspie teen Luke Jackson. And don't ever expect a teen with autism to ever socialize as much as NT one, they just won't want to, however many social skills workshops and classes they may have attended, their brain is just wired up differently. If they are unhappy with the situation a club or on line chat room around an interst will give then a shaed interest as a beginning to make friends.
•    Anonymous said... Like minded kids help as they're all into similar stuff like minecraft and strategy games or top trumps etc. My lad has 1 firm friend and that's enough. When I was younger I had a few friends -and that's all I wanted. The depression came from deep thought (usually depressing and confusing when you start to wonder how you were born without your own say-so ) or getting worn down with constant punishment for untidy/careless work, arguing with teachers as if you are their peer or forgetting homework/equipment (anything you think is unimportant to you rly) My own insights usually help me deal with my son apart from when I'm in the moment picking at details in an argument - Then I'm just as bad as he is ! I wonder if this rings true with anyone else.. if so maybe I should write my own book Hehe.
•    Anonymous said... Mine same but 17yr son. He only has one year of school. I'm trying to get every day filled with at least one outdoor activity. He only has a 3 day week @ school so the other days he has voluntary work for a few hours a day,
•    Anonymous said... my daughter does sims all day!!! Also depressed, nearly 13 now, very similar from what you write, we are going through tough times right now...
•    Anonymous said... My daughter is depressed.... No enthusiasm for living, for doing things or making contact with others; she must be very self critical whilst comparing herself to other girls of her age who seem to be living without a care... at times she stays in her bed playing on ipad.. just like the other Aspies. So sad to watch.   
 •    Anonymous said... Do your research and find a social skill activity program. Have him volunteer. Limit the video time, offer comic books or graphic novels as an alternative.
•    Anonymous said... Find a HFA support group where he can connect with kids like him. My 8 year old has the same issue. If we let him he would play video games all day but we have him in sports. He is a diver. He still struggles with social aspects but he is learning! Get him out and sooner the better
•    Anonymous said... I have the exact same issue with my 16 year old son. He doesn't accept his diagnosis, never has, and there is no way he would let me take him to a social group of similar kids..ughh
•    Anonymous said... My almost 16yr old is/was exactly the same (except now works instead of school).. Went through months of deep depression , is only coming out of it now.. I think backing off too much pressure helped my son ALOT, he also did not want to join social groups/outings still doesn't. It breaks your heart as a mum to watch them sit in their room or on computer with no friends, but to be honest, he tells me he is happier doing that than being forced out being made to be sociable. I think they all eventually find their feet, grow into their own skin, however you want to put it.. But by me always showing I was there for him and as said previously, taking the pressure off him, he is beginning to show signs of being happy once again . If you ever need a chat, please message me, I completely understand your concern and heartbreak xx
•    Anonymous said... My son is thirteen, doesn't like sports and he also doesn't accept a label. It's a daily challenge coaxing him away from screens. In order to keep screen time, he is required to have a daily set amount of social time with the family. My son says has made many friendly connections through his video games.

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Help for Behavior Problems and Low Self-Esteem in Teens on the Autism Spectrum


Have you heard your Aspergers or High-Functioning Autistic teenager say things like:
  • I'm a mistake.
  • I'm dumb.
  • I'm useless.
  • I hate myself.
  • I wish I was dead. 
  • What is wrong with me? 
  • Why was I born? 

If so, then alarm bells should be going off. You know changes need to happen! Low self-esteem and behavioral problems go hand-in-hand!!! 

Click here for some important parenting tips...


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Token Boards for Kids on the Autism Spectrum

Here are our top 10 picks for token boards, which are simple tools to use at home and in the classroom to motivate young people with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism.  A token board is also a system that rewards desired behaviors with tokens, which your child can exchange for something he or she values -- and it serves as a visual reminder.






















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Loneliness & Friendships in Children on the Autism Spectrum

"Is it common for a child with high functioning autism to shun peers who attempt to be friends with him? My son seems to prefer to play alone and I worry how this will impact his relationships in the future."

It is hard to know if kids with ASD level 1, or High-Functioning Autism (HFA), are as lonely as their moms and dads believe they are. Psychologists do know that playing with a friend, making a friend, and being with a friend are "overwhelming skills" for HFA kids. Many relationships make little sense to kids on the spectrum, because they are almost totally preoccupied with their own agendas.

Teaching HFA kids much needed social skills is a formidable task for moms and dads and educators. It is not like teaching how to ride a bicycle or tie a shoe, but rather trying to teach something no one formally taught you. How did you learn how to read a room? How do you teach someone how to read a room, especially someone who has no understanding of other people's emotions and body language? Kids on the spectrum have no idea about how to reason socially and come up with proper courses of action in social situations. For example, one youngster with AS got lost in the school corridors on her way to gym. She had forgotten the route, but she didn’t think to simply follow her peers to the gym.
 

Nonetheless, therapists emphasize the need to teach autistic kids social skills, because they desperately need them to get along in life. The youngster’s lack of social understanding colors every other experience in his or her life. But the question of whether kids on the spectrum are truly lonely and want friends is a different discussion. Like all kids, some are extroverted while others are more withdrawn. Like all kids, they probably vary in their need for social interactions.

When researchers ask children with HFA about friendship, they are usually very negative. They think of friendship with other kids as too much work and often prefer to connect with grown-ups. For example, when one teacher was forcing a 6-year-old to participate in a playgroup with other kids, he said, "I hate kids. I don't play with kids. I'm not a kid. I was born a grown-up." One “autistic child” stated, "If you like being on your own, then be happy with your own company and don't let anyone convince you that it is wrong." This child’s advice to "pushy moms and dads" is this: Never force your youngster to socialize, because most autistic kids are happy to just be by themselves.

However, these kids might be happier by themselves because social activity has caused them so much pain in the past. In one study, gifted kids with HFA could not describe friendship in positive terms (e.g., "a friend is someone who is nice to you"). They had only negative associations (e.g., "a friend is someone who does not hit you"). These kids told interviewers only about how mean peers had been to them and seemed to lack any idea of what reciprocal friendship really means.

But as young people on the spectrum go through the teenage years, most realize that they are missing out by not “fitting in.” It is at this point in their lives that they crave friendships, but this unfulfilled desire (on top of high school pressure to conform, constant rejection and harassment) can often cause depression and anxiety in HFA adolescents. They grow more isolated even as they crave more interaction with others. Young kids with autism often believe everyone in their kindergarten is the same and everyone is a friend. Autistic adolescents know better.
 

Some research shows that the more time HFA kids spend socializing, the happier they are. Autistic kids can - and do - form friendships. When they do, research shows that even one friendship will speed up their entire social development. Many adults on the spectrum have written about compassionate people who took the time to form friendships with them as children, and by doing so, changed their lives for the better.

Families of children with HFA often talk about their own feelings of loneliness. They tell therapists that marriage to an HFA husband or wife feels like living alone. An autistic spouse often does not attend to details like anniversaries, may not connect with his or her kids on an emotional basis, and may not benefit from marriage counseling.

A mom or dad of a youngster on the spectrum may feel rejection when their youngster refuses to cuddle or express affection. The youngster's needs are unrelenting, and yet the parents’ rewards are sometimes rare. Siblings hide their lonely feelings about living in a family where one youngster monopolizes their parents’ precious time, and they miss the normal give and take of sibling relationships. Many siblings believe that the HFA child's disability is actually an advantage – a passport to special attention, recognition and privilege.

Helping kids with HFA develop social skills will no doubt become easier in the future. Every day, parents and educators are developing better techniques. Researchers are closing-in on the genetic and environmental causes of autism spectrum disorders and may someday develop a cure. There is promising new research being conducted in a comprehensive study of friendship and loneliness in children on the spectrum. Someday, the answers will be clearer for children and teens with HFA – and for the parents who love them.
 



 

Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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 PARENTS' COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said...  Like a few others here, my son isolates, prefers to be on his own. He also gets frustrated with others and finds them "stupid" (his words). He can't be bothered with people.
•    Anonymous said... actually, my aspie son seeks friendships but many boys end up bullying him because they think he is strange. he's very lonely as a result.
•    Anonymous said... He isolates....I have tried to get him out among peers. It is upsetting and obviously "painful." He has two friends, one with his similar obsessions and one who has tried to keep in touch. I hate watching this but don't even know how to begin changing.
•    Anonymous said... my a/s husband and daughters tend to isolate them self too,they love to spend time on thier obsessions or hobbies.only tend to be friends with others who share same hobby,the more i pushed it made them more stubborn,they love being who they are,
•    Anonymous said... No one seems smart enough(in his mind) for my son. He gets really frustrated with average people. He has plenty of friends and calls on them when he feels tolerant. Otherwise he is happy to be in his world
•    Anonymous said... They are very selective in who they associate with. It is quite normal to find both sides of this coin in any child on the spectrum. An example my daughter will not play with her peers but is quite social with older children.
•    Anonymous said... Both of my boys would rather be with adults than kids their own age
•    Anonymous said... My son has a very difficult time making and keeping friendships. It also doesn't help trying to have him be friends with normal developing children because the parents don't understand the different dynamics of the Aspergers child.
•    Anonymous said... Yes, because they don't understand its out of there comfort zone. My son is 8 and I keep putting him in situations to make friends. Last year on the first day I found a classmate that was new to the school and introduced them. They have developed a good friendship now. Or the best they can under the circumstances. I also have him in sports (which) he likes so he has to interact with others. He still prefers to be by himself but at least he is getting exposure.
•    Anonymous said... It is so difficult to just sit back and let your child isolate themselves instead of joining the group. But they just choose not to see it the way we do. If we push then all hell breaks loose. Welcome to the catch 22 of my struggles
•    Anonymous said... But what can we do NOW to develop social skills in our ASD teens? What can we do for the NT siblings and spouses that are hurting so much? I am so glad to see more research being done but what can we do NOW to teach these social skills to our ASD teens? What can we do NOW for the NT siblings and spouses that are hurting so much? It is really quite damaging and unhealthy for them.

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Should You Limit Your ASD Child's Access to Video Games?

"Every waking hour, our son is a zombie staring at the computer game. Should we limit his time spent playing video games and run the risk that he will withdraw even more, or just allow free access?"

As most parents know, video games are a common interest among kids with ASD level 1, or High-Functioning Autism (HFA). Although the virtual world and video games can be a great place for these young people to practice social skills, make friends, and have fun, some experts are concerned that an intense interest in video games can quickly become an unhealthy and even dangerous obsession.

Video games, in and of themselves, are not necessarily negative influences in the lives of HFA kids. In fact, some researchers believe they can be an educational and entertaining way to build personal relationships and experiment with taking social risks and reaching out to unfamiliar people.

Because kids on the spectrum naturally gravitate toward socially "safe" forms of entertainment like video games, video game manufacturers and programmers have been working to create games that can teach real-life skills to these kids. According to the results of a study conducted by psychologists at the University of Alabama at Birmingham, one interactive computer program called FaceSay has been shown to improve the ability of kids with autism spectrum disorders to recognize faces, facial expressions, and emotions. Created by Symbionica LLC, the game teaches kids where to look for facial cues and helps them practice recognizing the expressions of an avatar, or virtual representation of a person.


Researchers at the University of Texas at Dallas Center for Brain Health started using the game Second Life as a form of online therapy, pairing clinicians' avatars with those of AS and HFA clients in a conversation. In their approach, therapists would guide clients through a series of exercises, in groups and individually, during which clients may be confronted with a job interview with a "boss" character or learn to ask another avatar out on a date. The researchers believe that when AS and HFA kids gain confidence in the virtual world, they will gradually learn to more comfortably interact in the real world.
 
==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

Despite these efforts by researchers and video game makers, experts question the effectiveness of these games and express concern that HFA kids who are already socially awkward may become dependent on Internet social networking and virtual interaction and never apply the skills in real life. They say gaming is generally a solitary activity that limits the social exposure of young people with autism spectrum disorders. Video games are also one of many repetitive activities that kids with autism tend to engage in to avoid adapting to new situations and struggling through social interactions with new people.

Any treatment, no matter where it’s done, and no matter how it’s done, needs to incorporate strategies for other settings. If it doesn't do that, its usefulness will be limited. What clinicians hope to see is that what autistic children are learning will help them understand social situations, the feelings of others, their own motivation, and will help them negotiate real life social situations (rather than just being able to interact with a computer).

While video games do offer a form of social interaction, it's a distorted social interaction. When video-gamers have anonymity, they act in a different way than when they must take personal and immediate responsibility for their words and actions.

For kids who get picked on all day at school and feel ostracized and out of place in their everyday lives, it's soothing to come home and play video games for hours on end. In the safe haven of online video games, kids with HFA can isolate themselves from real-life situations and the complexities of face-to-face interactions. However, the social setting in online gaming or chat rooms is far more predictable than real-life social situations.

While social conversations in real life are highly complex and unpredictable, online gamers share a common and simple language for communicating. For example, since most online interaction occurs through typing, there is time to think about a response, and the response can be given in symbols and phrases without regard for facial expressions or nonverbal cues. In addition, online conversation can center around the game being played, whereas most kids in real life also have other interests they want to share, which kids with autism may not understand.

If everyone in the youngster's high school class played the same video game, this would be an interest that facilitated healthy social interaction. But most kids have a number of other interests and ways to connect with each other. While kids on the spectrum can have a healthy interest in occasional video game play, they need to understand that their peers gravitate toward a variety of other activities and interests, and they need to learn to push themselves to interact in a wider range of areas to maintain a social network.

The experts are also concerned that children on the autism spectrum who immerse themselves in the world of online gaming may be developing inappropriate social skills. Online, it may be considered acceptable or even funny to make rude comments, use profanity, or ignore certain people. But if you go to soccer practice and make fun of someone's parent, there's no doubt you'll get a different response. Many kids on the spectrum will struggle making this transition from the virtual setting into the real world.

It is the nature of the disorder for kids to struggle to understand social conventions and cultural mores. This struggle is compounded when these kids are asked to learn different social rules for online conduct and face-to-face interactions. It takes a lot of practice for kids with HFA to develop basic social skills, and the more time they spend online, the less time they have to practice the skills that will serve them best as they become adults.

Not only are online video games significantly unproductive socially, they can also be dangerous. Online safety is an issue for all kids, but kids with HFA are particularly susceptible to sexual predators and other criminal offenders. While suspicious emails or dubious online behaviors may stand out immediately to a “typical” young person, children with ASD level 1 may not understand the red flags unless someone explicitly describes them. They may not realize that certain types of communication are offensive or inappropriate, and as a result, they may unknowingly invite danger into their homes.
 
==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

When it comes to video games, moms and dads of an HFA youngster are faced with a dilemma: Do they limit their youngster's time spent doing the activities that interest him most and run the risk that he will withdraw even more, or do you allow their youngster unfettered access to video games despite the obvious social repercussions?

Moms and dads need to find the balance between accepting their youngster's unique interests, and encouraging her to develop social skills and additional interests that might take her outside of her comfort zone. By granting unlimited access to video games, the parent offers her kids nothing more than a quick fix. The fixation may be a convenient coping skill for facing the hardship of a long, difficult day at school – but it will not be the healthiest path into adulthood.

If these young people aren't encouraged to develop social skills and independent living skills, there will be a direct correlation to how many friends they have, how successful they are in school, and how productive they are on the job later in life. They may be comforted in the short term, but that deep underlying desire to have friends will remain a constant source of dissatisfaction and further isolation.

Moms and dads should encourage their youngster to develop interpersonal skills “off” of the computer, and set limits around how often he uses - or talks about - video games. Parents need to offer incentives to their youngster to balance his time spent focused on gaming and time spent doing social activities (e.g., mom could agree to allow her son a certain amount of time to play video games each week in exchange for his participation in an after-school activity).

Young people with autism frequently fall prey to a fixation with screen time. Television, computers and video games feed into their tendency toward isolation and their eccentric fascination with certain “topics of special interest.” And for busy moms and dads, consistently monitoring their youngster's recreational time and evaluating her social development can be an overwhelming task. Nonetheless, helping your “special needs” youngster to achieve her full potential is a highly realistic and attainable goal. By setting some healthy boundaries around video-gaming, your youngster can grow and thrive – not only in the virtual world, but also in the real world.

 
Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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  COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said... Great article! "Video games" is probably the most difficult and complicated issue I have with my 13 year old son. He is very passionate yet obsessive with the games. He has a goal of eventually going to college to study game programming and development so I want to support him with this, but I want him to also find another interest, hobby or activity that can distract him away from playing, talking, breathing video games.
•    Anonymous said... My son does have a group of friends from school that he's made because they are also gamers so it hasn't been all bad. But the amount of time he gives to the games, and lack of interest in much else is a serious concern of mine.
•    Anonymous said... Thanks for the article. It's so helpful to have more information, and support!
•    Anonymous said... I believe online gaming has helped my son alot. Just have to watch out for bullying on there.
 *   Anonymous said... My 11 year old has a mild version of Aspergers. He loves to play video games and since I also have a 9 year old and know how much time they could spend just playing and playing these video games, I came up with certain days where they can play and then days where they cannot play. It's working very well. On the days they can play, they can play for 30-45min in the morning and the same amount in the afternoon. I have noticed that for my aspie this is enough time for him to "recharge". So, for my kids this is working out really great but I know that at some point I have to change the days for playtime and make it happen every day but that isn't just happening yet.
 *   Anonymous said... Christine Lemoine Have an 8 year old son whom we limit a lot. If we give him his tablet more frequently, he seems to be more aggressive with his brother and has more outbursts with us and even bordering on rage. However, if we limit like normal, he wakes up in the middle of the night or even early in the morning and tries to find his tablet or my husbands laptop, etc. I'm at the point where I feel like we need to install a door alarm that dings anytime his door opens so I can hear when he wakes up and make him go back to sleep.

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