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Fostering the Development of Self-Reliance in Kids and Teens with ASD Level 1

"At what point do I cross the line from being an advocate for my child (with ASD) to being an enabler? In other words, when/how do parents do their child a disfavor by 'helping too much'."

Parents of a child with Asperger’s (AS) or High-Functioning Autism (HFA) often have trouble knowing how much to help out their “suffering” youngster at certain times in his or her life. However, if they have “stepped-in” time and time again to over-protect and over-assist their youngster, it often results is serious problems for that child later in life. Moms and dads are not doing their youngster any favors by over-assisting – in fact, quite the opposite.

Overprotective parents mean well. After all, it's their job to protect their youngster from harm. But unfortunately, some parents of AS and HFA children go too far. They started out by being their child’s advocate – and this is all well and good – but then they progressed way beyond advocacy to an overprotective parenting style. They figured the more hands-on and involved they are in their “special needs” child’s life, the better – but this is definitely not true.



Some early signs of overprotective parenting include the following: 
  • Being quick to punish transgressions
  • Expectations that the youngster understand adult rules of deference and demeanor
  • Having strict rules of neatness, which do not allow the youngster to get dirt on his clothes or on himself
  • Having unnecessarily strict rules (e.g., remaining in the same room with the mother or father at all times, even at age 5 or 6)
  • Highly structured rules that try to cover every phase of the youngster’s life
  • Immediately running to examine the youngster when she has a simple fall that produces no distress; if a whimper is the worst result, the mother or father may have candy or a toy ready for comfort
  • Over-dependence on a system of rewards and punishments
  • Over-emphasis of academic success
  • Protection from all harm whether physical or emotional

==> Launching Adult Children With Aspergers and HFA: How To Promote Self-Reliance

Adult Children with Aspergers and Their Over-Protective Parents 



What are some of the negative outcomes related to an overprotective parenting style? Here are just a few:

1. A grown-up gains confidence by working hard and mastering whatever it is he or she seeks to accomplish – and a child gains confidence the same way. But if an overprotective parent (who hates to see her AS or HFA youngster struggle) does tasks FOR him, the child is not given the opportunity to develop his own skills. Thus, he risks going through life with little or no confidence. An overprotective parent inadvertently sends the message that her youngster is not capable of doing an adequate job, or that she doesn't trust her youngster to make the right decisions.

2. One of the most important jobs a parent has is to prepare her youngster to be an independent and productive adult. But an overprotective parent can't let go – even after her older teen or young adult has left home to attend college. Some moms and dads negotiate work contracts on behalf of their “special needs” adult child. And the most extreme parents even attend job interviews with their adult child, which rarely impresses any potential employer.

3. An overprotective parenting style can cause the lack of the development of self-esteem in the AS or HFA youngster. This is because he is not allowed to face challenges without parental intervention. Part of the development of self-esteem in kids comes from surmounting challenges on their own, which can be denied to them by an overprotective mother or father.
 

4. When a parent does too much “safeguarding” in an effort to make her youngster’s life stress-free, it usually has the opposite effect. The overly-protected youngster eventually becomes depressed and suffers anxiety that he attributes to the obsessed parent. Instead of creating a happy and stress-free environment, the overprotective parent often accomplishes the opposite.

5. An overly protected child may feel that if his parents don’t trust him with the freedom to make mistakes and tackle problems on his own, then he may not have the ability to succeed in life without continued guidance.

So, what can parents do if they have been overly protective down through the years?

They should begin to foster the development of self-reliance in their child, rather than parental-reliance. For kids with AS and HFA, acquiring skills related to self-reliance is especially important. This is because their ability to express themselves clearly or interact with others may look different than what other kids typically do. Some grown-ups may mistakenly provide more support for a youngster on the autism spectrum than she actually needs. When a youngster is consistently prevented from taking even small risks, she will learn to feel helpless and dependent, rather than self-reliant.

Self-reliance is not about letting the child make every single decision that affects his life (e.g., what time to go to bed, deciding not to wear a coat in the winter time, etc.). Kids need very clear expectations, protection from harm, and loving guidance. Self-reliance is about providing opportunities so that AS and HFA kids develop the skills necessary to become independent, as well as to interact freely and joyfully within their environment.

When kids on the autism spectrum grow up, parents want them to have the necessary survival skills (e.g., speaking up and voicing opinions). Self-advocacy (i.e., the ability to speak on one’s own behalf) is an important and powerful outcome for kids with AS and HFA. By learning skills that promote self-reliance as a youngster, parents begin paving the way for her to effectively use her voice or other means to speak up on her own behalf.

==> Launching Adult Children With Aspergers and HFA: How To Promote Self-Reliance

Just like a child needs to practice the violin to become proficient, AS and HFA kids need on-going practice to gain skills related to self-reliance. When these young people have numerous opportunities to practice making basic choices or solving simple problems, they build confidence and trust in their own abilities. They also build the competence and ability to master new skills that can last a lifetime.

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Below are a few important suggestions for promoting early self-reliance in your child. You can choose the ones that work for you, or adapt some of the suggestions so they match the preferences of your youngster and the rest of the family:

1. Create opportunities for your AS or HFA youngster to see his work, drawings or other art displayed (e.g., proudly show “found treasures,” artwork or other creations on a bulletin board or the refrigerator).

2. Develop routines WITH your youngster. Morning and bedtime are obvious times to come up with predictable routines. Have your child involved in the planning. For example, sit her down and ask, "What can we do to make our mornings go more smoothly?" Chances are your youngster will come up with the same ideas you might have – and since she came up with the idea (rather than you), she will be more likely to follow it. She may even pose some ideas you wouldn't have considered (e.g., having a granola bar for breakfast instead of pancakes). Beyond the morning and night, look for other times that you can come up with a flexible schedule. For example, when your youngster gets home from school, he can be in charge of getting his own snack instead of relying on you.

3. Provide a lot of regular acknowledgement and praise. When your youngster is trying something new, you can nearly guarantee his success by praising his efforts. Kids on the autism spectrum can get easily frustrated, but by cheering on their efforts, they learn that obstacles can be overcome. They need to learn patience as they learn to do something new, and moms and dads need to be patient as they encourage their kids. For example, it may take longer for your child to tie his shoes, so give him plenty of time and don't rush him. In the end, your child will not only learn to do more on his own, but he will become more self-reliant – and grateful that his mom and dad have confidence in his abilities.
 
==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Parents' Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling the Mystery Behind High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Crucial Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

4. Help your youngster to become a goal-setter. Autonomy often goes hand-in-hand with self-confidence. When your youngster feels like she has the ability to accomplish something small (e.g., making her own bed), she will then feel more able to do more difficult tasks (e.g., washing dishes, figuring out fractions, etc.). Help along her “sense of self” by teaching her to set goals. These goals don't have to be large tasks, or even for lengthy time periods. And the reward for her efforts should be her own sense of accomplishment. Chores are a good place to start with goal-setting. So, identify with your youngster specific tasks that she can do around the house and in her bedroom. Work with her to develop a chart to mark off each day or week that she gets her tasks done.

5. Of course, supervision is important to ensure that your youngster is safe. But to help her really learn a new skill, it's also important not to hover. Finding that balance can be tricky. That's why taking simple steps toward acquiring a new skill is crucial. Potentially dangerous or messy tasks (e.g., cutting, vacuuming, working with blenders, etc.) require supervision. But make sure that with other tasks (e.g., making beds, fixing simple meals, etc.), you step back and let your child show off her skills.

==> Launching Adult Children With Aspergers and HFA: How To Promote Self-Reliance

6. Let your youngster go alone. Are you the first to volunteer to chaperone the school fieldtrip? After all, what if your son forgets his sack lunch …or your daughter leaves her umbrella on the bus? Moms and dads should definitely sign up for one fieldtrip or a couple of classroom volunteer assignments each school year – but should not go to every activity. These activities serve as opportunities for kids to exert their independence while still being under adult supervision. After the activity, ask your youngster about the event. You may notice that he enjoyed going on the fieldtrip, not just because of the horses at the farm, but also because he felt responsible enough to take care of himself outside of school without his mom or dad around.

7. Let your AS or HFA child make mistakes, but be there to boost her spirits so she will keep trying. For example, if your youngster wants to learn how to make a home-made pizza, show her how. Then set up the ingredients and let her give it a try. True, you're likely in for a bit of a mess, but your youngster can help clean up (however imperfectly) after she is done crafting her pizza. Instead of pointing out that she added entirely too much mozzarella cheese, make an attempt to avoid any criticism that could discourage her from trying again. If parents step-in to assist, their youngster may get discouraged and never try it again.

8. Offer choices and solicit your youngster’s preferences for objects and activities (e.g., ask him which book of two books he wants, and ask if he wants to sit up or lie down to hear the story).

9. Provide your youngster ways to be independent in dressing and personal care.

10. Teach “life skills” to your child. Start simple with teaching day-to-day tasks. For example, have your youngster help you sort out clothes for the laundry. After the clothes are dried, give her a basket with her clothes folded inside. Once she is comfortable and confident putting away her own clothes, let her handle the folding, too. Introducing your youngster gradually to new skills will help her to feel confident to handle more demanding tasks.

These are just a few ideas to help you start thinking about ways to promote self-reliance at home. The key is to create opportunities where your youngster can feel happy, safe, and free within the world around him or her.

 
Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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By

Visual Supports for Kids on the Autism Spectrum

A visual support refers to using a picture or other visual item to help your youngster with task-completion as well as communication. Visual supports can be drawings, objects, written words, photographs, or lists. Research has shown that visual supports work well as a way to communicate with special needs kids.

Here are our Top 10 Picks for Visual Supports to assist Kids on the Autism Spectrum:


Visual Schedules “3 Pc Home Bundle” w/Double-Sided Dry Erase Magnetic Board, 19 Pc Headings Sheet and 72 Home-Themed Activity Magnets

Visual Schedules Activity Magnets Combo Pk: 132 pc Entire Gallery (Home, School and Special Needs) PLUS 19 pc Headings Sheet (2nd Ed)

Visual Schedule for Home

Visual Morning Routine AAC (Picture Communication Symbols)

Autism Supplies And Developments Picture Exchange Communication System

 Daily Planner for Kids - Visual Schedule -Magnet Cards- Helps Children be more organized!

Easy Daysies Starter Kit The Original Daily Visual Schedule

Magnetic Reward Behavior Star Chore Chart for One or Multiple Kids, Includes 8 Markers + 60 Foam Backing Illustrated Chores + 300 Stars in Red, Yellow, Blue. X- Large 17X12 inch. Hanging Loop READY!

Monkey & Chops Kids Daily Routine Charts - Magnetic Refrigerator Behavior Chart for kids - to Help Your Child with Their Morning & Evening Routines

By

What To Do When Your Aspergers or HFA Child Can't Make Friends

Some parents of children with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism (HFA) may discover that their youngster seems to have difficulty making and keeping friends, and this may first become apparent in preschool when children tend to start pairing off.

If your Aspergers or HFA child doesn't ever talk about anyone in his class, doesn’t ask to bring a friend home, never gets invited to any of his peers' homes, and seems to be a loner in general preferring to play by himself, then he might be having trouble in the friendship department (his teacher may be able to confirm your suspicions).

It may be that acquiring social skills doesn't come as naturally to your "special needs" youngster as it does to other children. He might need extra help developing the empathy and consideration that make others want to be around him.  Parents may need to rehearse the most rudimentary rules of social engagement with their son or daughter, beginning with scenarios as simple as “how to introduce yourself” (e.g., “Smile, look your friend in the eye and say, ‘Hi, my name is.... Can I play with you?’ Then play whatever your friend wants to play without insisting that the two of you play only what you want to play”).

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Aspergers and HFA children need to understand when to reach out, pull back, blend in, speak up and let go. So, how can parents help their child make and keep friends?

To support the development of friendships in your youngster’s life, try some of these strategies:

1. Bear in mind that what made it easy for you as a child to forge friendships might not be your youngster’s style.

2. Build kid’s confidence by teaching them new games or skills.

3. Children tend to make friends by doing things together, so concentrate on activities.

4. Consider hiring a well-liked same-sex “babysitter-companion” with permission to pass on subtle tips about getting along.

==> Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums in Asperger's Children

5. Demonstrate how to be a good friend and make friends. The best way is to model the behavior you would like to see. There are several ways you can accomplish this at home. For example: 
  • be kind, give compliments, wave to a friend, open the door for someone
  • be understanding of what others are going through by showing empathy
  • teach your kids to accept what can't be changed by working hard to change the things that can
  • have a sense of humor about yourself and your shortcomings
  • help your youngster realize his own strengths
  • listen to your youngster without criticism.

6. Emphasize good manners at home, including how to apologize or do favors for other children.

7. Encourage children to join Scouts.

8. Encourage having a few friends more than only one ‘best’ friend to avoid upset feelings when that youngster is unavailable or wants to play with others.

9. Even an youngster on the autism spectrum with average social skills may turn inward while experiencing major disruptions (e.g., parents' divorce, serious illness or death in the family, move to a new town, etc.). As much as possible, you should prepare your child for the changes by talking about what's happening and what to expect. For example, if you're moving, check out the new teacher, school or town in advance. Very gently encourage your son or daughter to take chances while praising him for little accomplishments. Also, have the expectation that things will work out.

10. Giving kids lots of unstructured time to play is important because they learn the social skills they need so they can keep playing and have fun.

11. Include your youngster when talking to people out of his normal range of peers. For example, take him to visit a neighbor, or bring him along to the dry cleaner. The more he is exposed to interacting with all kinds of people, the more he will learn to do the same.

12. It’s hard to go wrong with kindness, so encourage your youngster to express caring feelings for others.

13. Offer a variety of opportunities for play and socializing. Host friends over for play dates or lunch. See if you can participate in a carpool and sign-up your youngster for group activities (e.g., art, drama, dance, etc.). Exposing him to different areas of play will help him learn to socialize.

14. Remind the extremely shy or anxious child that everyone experiences rejection, and give him tips on recruiting friends (e.g., seek out the friendliest classmates).

15. Stay balanced when things are hard. Go ahead and empathize with your youngster’s pain, but keep it in perspective. Making friends is a lifelong process and will have its “ups and downs.” Pain, unfortunately, is a part of it. All kids will experience some form of ‘normal’ social pain in their friendships. We can support them by listening and acknowledging their feelings. Talk about your concerns (regarding your child’s lack of social skills) with other adults who can support you (e.g., a coach, teacher, friend, family member, etc.). You never want to share your anxiety about your child’s lack of friends with your child, so find someone who can help offer insight about your youngster or consult with professionals.

16. When it comes to training "special needs" kids, you will want to steer clear of humor as a relationship-builder, because it’s a subtle skill that often backfires into annoying other children.

17. Support your youngster’s choice of friends and welcome them to your home. Try to get to know his friends and their parents.

18. Talk to the youngster’s teacher. The teacher can really offer some perspective about whether this is a temporary glitch or is it a more ongoing problem or something typical for this age.

==> Discipline for Defiant Asperger's Teens

19. When your youngster acts in an especially friendly way, name it — and let him know you’re impressed.

20. Lastly, coach your youngster on the following social concepts (using words that he or she will understand, of course):


The Lonely Child on the Spectrum 



 The Nature of Friendship:
  • Similarity and proximity. School–aged kids have a tendency to develop friendships with others who share similarities with themselves (e.g., gender, age, race, IQ, social status). As the youngster grows older, these traits become less important and he establishes friendships based upon similar interests and attitudes. As adolescence emerges, friends begin to seek conformity by dressing similarly and listening to the same music.
  • Reciprocity and support. All kids must share a degree of mutual respect and affection for each other if the friendship is to be lasting and meaningful. There needs to be a degree of equity between the two friends and a willingness to assist, guide, or comfort each other as necessary.
  • Mutual activities and shared interests. Childhood friendships often develop during school or extracurricular activities. Kids who are involved in such activities (e.g., sports teams, stamp clubs, chorus, drama, etc.) have common interests and values and often are quite compatible as social partners.
  • Intimacy, affection, and loyalty. Kids desire friends who can be trusted. They want their friends to share thoughts and feelings sensitively, and they demand loyalty from them. They need to feel that the friend will keep confidences and shared secrets. They also expect that the friend will not criticize them to others and are deeply hurt when this occurs. Kids expect the friend to view the relationship as a true commitment. Most childhood friendships that dissolve are destroyed by a perceived lack of commitment by one of the parties.

By

Difficulties with Processing Information: Help for Asperger's and HFA Kids

"Does the autistic brain have significant problems processing sensory and emotional information? If so, are here ways to assist a child with this deficit?"

Young people with Asperger’s (AS) and High-Functioning Autism (HFA) often have problems processing information from one or more of their seven sensory systems (i.e., sight, balance, touch, movement, smell, taste, and hearing). These processes take place at an unconscious level, and they work together to help with attention and learning. Each system has specific receptors that pick up information that is relayed to the brain. The sensory characteristics of kids with AS and HFA is often responsible for their processing difficulties, negative behaviors, and unpleasant emotions.

The sensory systems are also involved in what we call “emotional processing.” People use their emotions as a sensory system. Kids, too, use their emotions as sensory antennae. But kids with AS and HFA vary in their ability to process information emotionally, in part because at least one other sense often doesn't work well (e.g., it would be difficult for a youngster with an auditory-processing disorder to figure out whether a person's voice suggests friendliness or meanness). Also, many AS and HFA kids have a hard time using their emotions or desires to process information and act appropriately in interpersonal settings.



Processing is a system that helps a youngster select, prepare, and begin to interpret incoming information. AS and HFA kids who have difficulty with processing may have a range of problems related to regulating the use of incoming information. There are five processing skills, which include (1) satisfaction control, (2) focal maintenance, (3) depth and detail of processing, (4) cognitive activation and (5) saliency determination. Let’s look at each of these in turn:
  1. Satisfaction control involves a youngster's ability to allocate enough attention to activities or topics of moderate or low levels of interest. AS and HFA kids with poor satisfaction control have difficulty concentrating on activities that are not exciting enough.
  2. Focal maintenance allows a youngster to focus on important information for the appropriate period of time. AS and HFA kids may not concentrate long enough on some things, and may concentrate too long on others. 
  3. Depth and detail of processing controls how intensely kids can concentrate on highly specific data. It enables them to focus deeply enough to recognize and remember necessary details. AS and HFA children tend to remember a lot of details that relate to their area of special interest, but may not remember much outside of that interest.
  4. Cognitive activation is a form of “active processing” that connects new information to what has already been learned through prior knowledge and experience. Kids who are “inactive processors” are unable to connect to prior knowledge to assist their understanding of new information. In contrast, “overactive processors” are reminded of too much prior knowledge, making it difficult for them to maintain focus. 
  5. Saliency determination involves selecting which incoming information is the most important. Kids who have difficulty with this control may be distracted by things that are not relevant and miss important information being presented.


 ==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

Here are some signs that a child has difficult processing information: 
  • can't distinguish between what is important and what isn't
  • finishes processing what someone is saying before he/she has even finished expressing his/her idea
  • focuses for too brief a period
  • focuses for too long of a period
  • focuses too superficially or too deeply on information presented
  • has an idea and knowledge of what he wants to say in his mind, but when he attempts to share the idea, it doesn’t comes out right
  • has difficulty connecting new information with information already known
  • has problems shifting focus from one subject or activity to another
  • has trouble picking up the main ideas in conversations with others
  • may have to repeat himself several times before the other person understands what he is saying
  • misses a lot of things that are obvious to others
  • only pays attention to exciting information or highly stimulating activities
  • processes one word that someone says, but then thinks of something completely unrelated to what that person is saying
  • processes too little or too much information
  • tries to understand the meaning of each word someone is saying rather than being able to automatically understand the whole gist and general meaning of the sentence

Some AS and HFA children have a processing disorder. Processing disorders fall into four distinct categories: 
  1. visual (i.e., the youngster may see many different kinds of visual stimuli, but interpret it incorrectly),
  2. sensory (i.e., the youngster has problems processing sensory information),
  3. language (i.e., the child has problems expressing himself correctly or appropriately),
  4. and auditory (i.e., the youngster has difficulty distinguishing sounds, although he does not have a hearing problem).

Kids who have a processing disorder have difficulty mixing with peers, reaching developmental milestones, and developing social skills. Processing disorders range from mild to extremely pervasive. Let’s look at each of these in greater depth:

Processing Disorders

1. Visual Processing Disorder: A youngster with visual processing disorder may have problems with a wide array of issues related to how he processes visual information. This is not to be confused with difficulties with his vision though. Instead, the child’s brain does not correctly interpret what he is seeing. Dyslexia is an example of a visual processing disorder (e.g., the youngster may be looking at a "p" but his mind sees "q"). The child may also have problems sequencing items he sees, or have difficulties distinguishing between what is the foreground of a visual object and what is in the background.

Signs of Visual Input Dysfunction (no diagnosed visual deficit): Hypersensitivity—
  • avoids eye contact
  • easily distracted by other visual stimuli in the room (e.g., movement, decorations, toys, windows, doorways, etc.) 
  • enjoys playing in the dark
  • has difficulty in bright colorful rooms or a dimly lit room 
  • has difficulty keeping eyes focused on a task she is working on for an appropriate amount of time
  • rubs his eyes, has watery eyes, or gets headaches after reading or watching TV 
  • sensitive to bright lights
  • will squint, cover eyes, cry, or get headaches from the light

Signs of Visual Input Dysfunction (no diagnosed visual deficit): Hyposensitivity—
  • complains about "seeing double"
  • confuses left and right 
  • difficulty controlling eye movement to track and follow moving objects 
  • difficulty finding differences in pictures, words, symbols, or objects 
  • difficulty judging spatial relationships in the environment (e.g., bumps into people or trips on curbs and stairs) 
  • difficulty with consistent spacing and size of letters during writing or lining up numbers in math problems 
  • difficulty with jigsaw puzzles, copying shapes, or cutting along a line 
  • fatigues easily with schoolwork
  • has a hard time seeing the "big picture" (i.e., focuses on the details or patterns within the picture)
  • has difficulty locating items among other items (e.g., papers on a desk, clothes in a drawer, items on a grocery shelf, toys in a box, etc.) 
  • has difficulty telling the difference between different colors, shapes, and sizes 
  • has difficulty telling the difference between similar printed letters or figures (e.g., p and q, b and d, + and x, square and rectangle, etc.)
  • makes reversals in words or letters when copying
  • often loses his place while reading or doing math problems 
  • often loses place when copying from a book or the chalkboard 
  • reads words backwards (e.g., "was" for "saw" …"no" for "on")
  • tends to write at a slant on a page

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism


2. Sensory Processing Disorder: This is a disorder in which the central nervous system does not process the information that is fed in by the senses. There is some indication that AS and HFA children may be a form of Sensory Processing Disorder. In addition, kids who are hypersensitive to sensory stimuli may have Sensory Processing Disorder (e.g., sensitive to fabrics against the skin, becomes quickly overly-stimulated by too many distractions such as multicolored bulletin boards in the classroom, complains about loud noises, craves quiet, etc.).

Signs of Sensory Processing Dysfunction: Hypersensitivity—
  •  appears fearful of standing in close proximity to other people 
  • avoids group situations for fear of an unexpected touch
  • avoids seasoned, spicy, sweet, sour or salty foods
  • avoids touching certain textures of material
  • avoids using hands for play
  • becomes aggressive with unexpected touch
  • bothered by household or cooking smells 
  • bothered by rough bed sheets 
  • complains about having hair brushed
  • complains about toothpaste and mouthwash 
  • decides whether she likes someone or some place by the way it smells
  • dislikes "messy play" (e.g., with sand, mud, water, glue, glitter, etc.)
  • dislikes kisses and will "wipe off" place where kissed
  • distressed about having face washed
  • distressed about having hair, toenails, or fingernails cut
  • distressed by clothes rubbing on skin
  • distressed by seams in socks and may refuse to wear them
  • does not like to be held or cuddled
  • excessively ticklish
  • extreme food preferences (e.g., limited repertoire of foods, picky about brands, resistive to trying new foods or restaurants, won't eat at other people's houses, etc.) 
  • has difficulty with sucking, chewing, and swallowing
  • irritated by smell of perfume or cologne 
  • is extremely fearful of the dentist
  • may choke or have a fear of choking 
  • may gag with textured foods 
  • may only eat "soft" or pureed foods 
  • may only eat hot or cold foods 
  • may overreact to minor cuts, scrapes, or bug bites
  • may refuse to play at someone's house because of the way it smells 
  • may refuse to walk barefoot on grass or sand
  • may walk on toes only
  • may want to wear long sleeve shirts and long pants year round to avoid having skin exposed
  • may want to wear shorts and short sleeves year round
  • mixed textures of food tend to be avoided 
  • nauseated by bathroom odors or personal hygiene smells 
  • prefers bland foods 
  • rain, water from the shower, or wind blowing on the skin may feel like torture and produce avoidance reactions
  • refuses to lick envelopes, stamps, or stickers because of their taste 
  • resists affectionate touch from anyone besides parents 
  • tells other people how bad or funny they smell 
  • will be distressed by dirty hands and want to wipe or wash them frequently



Signs of Sensory Processing Dysfunction: Hyposensitivity—
  • acts as if all foods taste the same
  • can never get enough condiments or seasonings on food 
  • constantly putting objects in mouth
  •  craves vibrating or strong sensory input
  • does not notice odors that others usually complain about 
  • enjoys trips to the dentist 
  • excessive drooling 
  • frequently chews on hair, shirt, or fingers 
  • frequently hurts other children or pets while playing (unintentionally)
  • ignores unpleasant odors 
  • is not aware of being touched or bumped unless done with extreme force or intensity
  • is not bothered by injuries (e.g., cuts, bruises, etc.) 
  • loves vibrating toothbrushes
  • makes excessive use of smelling when introduced to objects, people, or places 
  • may be self-abusive (e.g., pinching, biting, head banging, etc.)
  • may drink or eat things that are poisonous because he does not notice the noxious smell 
  • may lick, taste, or chew on inedible objects
  • may not be aware that hands or face are dirty or feel her nose running
  • needs to touch everything and everyone
  • seeks out “messy play”
  • seeks out surfaces and textures that provide strong tactile feedback
  • shows no distress with shots from a nurse or doctor
  • unable to identify smells from scratch 'n sniff stickers

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism
 

3. Language Processing Disorder: This disorder is also known as central auditory processing disorder. Oftentimes, parents and teachers may notice symptoms similar to auditory processing disorder. However, central auditory processing disorder can be distinguished by the way a youngster verbalizes language processing (e.g., may stutter, repeat sounds, break words, pause within words, substitute words, etc.).

Signs of Auditory-Language Processing Dysfunction—
  • bothered by loud, sudden, metallic, or high-pitched sounds
  • difficulty articulating and speaking clearly 
  • difficulty attending to, understanding, and remembering what is said or read
  • difficulty discriminating between sounds or words (e.g., "dare" and "dear")
  • difficulty filtering out other sounds while trying to pay attention to one person talking 
  • difficulty identifying people's voices 
  • difficulty putting ideas into words 
  • difficulty reading, especially out loud
  • if not understood, has difficulty re-phrasing
  • if not understood, may get frustrated, angry, and give up 
  • looks at others for reassurance before answering 
  • may be dyslexic
  • may only be able to understand or follow two sequential directions at a time 
  • often asks for directions to be repeated
  • often talks out of turn or "off topic" 
  • unable to locate the source of a sound

4. Auditory Processing Disorder: Auditory processing disorder occurs when a youngster hears the sounds of words, but is not able to distinguish specific nuances in the way a sound or word is pronounced. This can cause great difficulty for the youngster when she is learning to speak or in academic settings. Auditory processing disorders are usually present in conjunction with AS and HFA.

Signs of Auditory Dysfunction (no diagnosed hearing problem): Hypersensitivity—
  • bothered by background environmental sounds (e.g., lawn mowing, outside construction, etc.)
  • distracted by sounds not normally noticed by others (e.g., humming of lights or refrigerators, fans, heaters, clocks ticking, etc.) 
  • fearful of the sound of a flushing toilet, hand-dry blower, vacuum, hairdryer, squeaky brakes, dog barking, etc.) 
  • frequently asks people to be quiet (e.g., stop making noise, talking, singing, etc.)
  • may decide whether she likes certain people by the sound of their voice
  • may refuse to go to noisy environments (e.g., movie theaters, parades, skating rinks, musical concerts, etc.) 
  • runs away, cries, or covers ears with loud or unexpected sounds 
  • started by loud or unexpected sounds

Signs of Auditory Dysfunction (no diagnosed hearing problem): Hyposensitivity—
  • appears confused about where a sound is coming from
  • appears oblivious to certain sounds 
  • appears to "make noise for noise's sake" 
  • loves excessively loud music or TV 
  • needs directions repeated often, or will say, "What?" frequently 
  • often does not respond to name being called 
  • often does not respond to verbal cues 
  • seems to have difficulty understanding or remembering what was said 
  • talks self through a task (often out loud)

In summary, processing disorders directly affect the AS or HFA brain’s ability to process information that comes from any of the senses properly. Processing disorders are grouped into one of four categories based on which area of processing has problems (i.e., visual, sensory, language, and auditory). Each of these areas can lead to different processing deficiencies.

Treatment for processing disorders depends on the area affected. Although some types of processing difficulties can’t be completely cured, there are treatments to help reduce problems (e.g., audiologists can help with hearing difficulties, speech therapists can work with language problems). Specialists are able to increase function and help improve the child’s quality of life.
More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

 ==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

 ==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book
==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism
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Helping Resistant Kids on the Autism Spectrum with Transitions

A stopwatch or a timer can be an effective countdown tool for helping children with Asperger’s of High-Functioning Autism to transition to the next activity. While a digital timer may be an appropriate choice for older kids, it not be well suited for younger ones who need a clear, visual representation of time. That’s why the “Time Timer” works great.

Before you use the timer, let your youngster know what it’s for. Let him know that the timer keeps track of when he needs to switch activities (e.g., “When the timer goes off, it is time for you to stop playing your video game and get ready for bed”). When using the timer, it’s also important that you provide warning signals (e.g., ringing of a soft bell, gentle snapping of the fingers, etc.) when the time is almost over. This way, your youngster will be ready when the time runs out and will not feel surprised or rushed.

Here are our top picks for timing devices:

Time Timer Original 12 inch; 60 Minute Visual Analog Timer

Magnetic and Portable Time Management Tool

Time Timer Dry Erase Board

Time Timer Watch

Time Tracker Visual Timer & Clock

Time-Cube Timer, 5, 10, 20 and 30 Minutes for Time Management

Sand Timer - 6 Colors Hourglass Timer
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HFA and Asperger’s Kids Who Show No Remorse for Bad Behavior

“My 10 y.o. has been diagnosed recently with high functioning autism. The problem we're having is that he takes no responsibility for his behavior and shows no remorse when he does something wrong. Any ideas?”

It's important for children with ASD level 1, or High-Functioning Autism (HFA), to be raised in a home environment where parents have demanded personal accountability for their actions from a very young age. Yes, these children have “special needs,” and parents will need to make “accommodations” accordingly – but not “allowances”!



Sometimes a child on the autism spectrum gets "let off the hook" because mom or dad has the attitude that "he just can't help it -- it's his disorder." Some kids hear this so often that they come to believe it. No doubt, HFA is a factor that contributes to inappropriate behavior at times, but it should never be used as an excuse for it. Unless parents demand accountability – consistently and fairly – then a youngster on the spectrum may not develop this trait naturally. So, just like social skills, “taking personal responsibility” needs to be taught.

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

Social skills groups for “special needs” kids can be very helpful in situations such as this. Analyzing the behavior of peers, interpreting the behavior or the consequences of certain behaviors portrayed in movies, reading stories of kids who take responsibility for their actions, and doing role-reversals and role-plays can help develop the trait of taking responsibility. This is a skill that needs to be practiced – it’s not an automatic ability that children with developmental disorders possess naturally.

Other ideas to instill a sense of accountability and responsibility include the following:
  • “Survival" simulations or group problem-solving activities help kids consider the impact of their actions on others.
  • Having to care for plants or animals can teach valuable life-lessons.
  • Involvement in sports activities that focus on cooperative rather than competitive efforts can help.
  • Religious education and scouting programs offer fertile ground for growing moral and ethical character.
  • Working on community service projects, especially in the lower grades when the youngster is impressionable, is a great way to instill character.

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Some kids on the spectrum will pretend to be indifferent or avoid responsibility as a way to sidestep having to face up to the rather chronic impulsive acts they commit. Saying "I don't care" is often an attempt to devalue the negative act they have committed. If a child truly cares about his behavior, that carries with it the implication that he will do something about it if he misbehaves. But if he misbehaves a lot, doing something about it seems like an impossible and overwhelming task. Thus, sometimes kids have racked-up such a long list of complaints from parents that they see no way to fix it.

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

This is a cycle that can be broken when parents respond like this: "You say (or act) like you don't care, but that's unacceptable in this home. You need to DO something to make amends for what you’ve done (or said) – and saying a shallow "I'm sorry" doesn't cut it. The key is a change in your behavior.”

Parents of kids on the autism spectrum often worry about their child who does hurtful things TO other people (or who doesn't do helpful things FOR other people) without caring about it. These kids do have difficulty empathizing with others (more on that topic here), although this deficit is not an excuse for irresponsibility either. The longer this behavior persists, the less likely it is that it will improve. Utilizing the tips above will help most “special needs” kids become more caring and thoughtful.

 Lack of Demonstrated Empathy in Kids on the Autism Spectrum 


 

==> Tips on how to handle your child's fixations and obsessions? You'll find more than you'll need right here...


Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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Self-Help Strategies for Struggling Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

Do you have a teenager on the autism spectrum? Is he or she really having difficulty coping with life? Are you worried about how he or she is going to handle adulthood? For teenagers with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism, change is especially hard. They have grappled with the perplexing and disturbing nature of a highly unpredictable world most of their lives.

For those parents of teens on the spectrum, we have compiled our top 15 picks for self-help books to assist your “special needs” teen in multiple areas of life:

1. The Aspie Teen's Survival Guide: Candid Advice for Teens, Tweens, and Parents, from a Young Man with Asperger's Syndrome

2. The Asperkid's (Secret) Book of Social Rules: The Handbook of Not-So-Obvious Social Guidelines for Tweens and Teens with Asperger Syndrome

3. Asperger's Teens: Understanding High School for Students on the Autism Spectrum

4. Asperger Syndrome and Adolescence: Helping Preteens & Teens Get Ready for the Real World

5. Freaks, Geeks and Asperger Syndrome: A User Guide to Adolescence

6. Take Control of Asperger's Syndrome: The Official Strategy Guide for Teens with Asperger's Syndrome and Nonverbal Learning Disorders

 7. The Asperger Teen's Toolkit

8. The Social Success Workbook for Teens
 
9. Social Skills for Teenagers and Adults with Asperger Syndrome: A Practical Guide to Day-to-Day Life

10. Asperger's and You: A self-exploration workbook for teens and young adults on the autism spectrum

11. The Social Success Workbook for Teens: Skill-Building Activities for Teens with Nonverbal Learning Disorder, Asperger's Disorder, and Other

12. Social Skills for Teenagers with Developmental and Autism Spectrum Disorders: The PEERS Treatment Manual

 13. The Autism Playbook for Teens: Imagination-Based Mindfulness Activities to Calm Yourself, Build Independence, and Connect with Others (The Instant Help Solutions Series)

14. 60 Social Situations and Discussion Starters to Help Teens on the Autism Spectrum Deal with Friendships, Feelings, Conflict and More: Seeing the Big Picture

15. Asperger's Syndrome Guide for Teens and Young Adults: Thriving (Not Just Surviving)

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