At
all times, the emotional and physical well-being of your youngster
should take priority. Often this will necessitate removing your
youngster from a potentially distressing situation as soon as possible.
Consider maintaining a diary of your youngster's behavior with a view to
ascertaining patterns or triggers. Recurring behavior may be indicative
of a youngster taking some satisfaction in receiving a desired response
from parents, teachers or peers.
For
example, a youngster with HFA may come to understand that
hurting another youngster in class will result in his being removed from
class, notwithstanding the associated consequence to his peer. The
solution may not be most effectively rooted in punishing the youngster
for the behavior, or even attempting to explain the situation from the
perspective of their injured peer, but by treating the root cause behind
the motivation for the misbehavior (e.g., can the youngster be made
more comfortable in class so that he will not want to leave it?).
==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism
One
of the means to achieve this may be to focus on the positive. Praise
for good behavior, and reinforcement by way of something like a Reward
Book, can assist. The use of encouraging verbal cues delivered in a calm
tone are likely to elicit more beneficial responses than the harsher
verbal warnings that may be effective with "typical" kids. If necessary,
when giving directions to cease a type of misbehavior, these should
also be couched as positives rather than negatives (e.g., rather than
telling a youngster to stop hitting his brother with the ruler, the
youngster should be directed to put the ruler down).
Obsessive or Fixated Behavior—
Almost
all kids go through periods of development where they become engrossed
in one subject matter or another, but kids on the autism spectrum often
display obsessive and repetitive characteristics, which can have
significant implications for behavior.
For
example, if the youngster becomes fixated on reading a particular story
each night, she may become distressed if this regime is not adhered to,
or if the story is interrupted. Again, the use of a behavior diary can
assist in identifying fixations for your youngster. Once a fixation is
identified, it is important to set appropriate boundaries for your
youngster. Providing a structure within which your youngster can explore
the obsession can assist in then keeping the obsession within
reasonable limits, without the associated problems that may otherwise
arise through such limitations (e.g., tell your youngster that he may
watch his favorite cartoon for half an hour after dinner, and make clear
time for that in his routine).
It
is appropriate to utilize the obsession to motivate and reward your
youngster for good behavior. Always ensure any reward associated with
positive behavior is granted immediately to assist the youngster
recognizing the connection between the two.
A
particularly useful technique to try to develop social reciprocity is
to have your youngster talk for five minutes about a particularly
favored topic after she has listened to you talk about an unrelated
topic. This serves to help your youngster understand that not everyone
shares her enthusiasm for her subject matter.
Sibling Issues—
For
siblings without the disorder, the differential - and what at times no
doubt appears to be preferential treatment given to the HFA sibling - can give rise to feelings of confusion and frustration.
Often, the non-autistic siblings will fail to understand why their
brother or sister apparently seems free to behave as he or she pleases without
the normal constraints placed on them.
It's important to explain the disorder to siblings of HFA kids and
encourage open discussion about it. Encouragement
should extend to the things siblings can do to assist the autistic
youngster, and this should be positively reinforced through
acknowledgement when it occurs.
Sleep Difficulties—
Kids
on the spectrum are known to experience sleep problems. They may have
lesser sleep requirements, and as such are more likely to become anxious
about sleeping, or may find they become anxious when waking during the
night or early in the morning.
Combat
your youngster's anxiety by making his bedroom a place of safety and
comfort. Remove or store items that may be prone to injure your
youngster if he decides to wander at night. Include in the behavioral
diary a record of your youngster's sleep patterns. It may assist him if
you keep a list of his routine (e.g., dinner, bath time, story and bed)
in order to provide structure. Include an image or symbol of him waking
in the morning to provide assurance as to what will happen. Social
stories have proven to be a particularly successful technique in
decreasing a youngster's anxiety by providing clear instructions on how
part of his day is likely to play out.
At School—
Kids
with HFA will often experience difficulty during parts of
the school day that lack structure. If left to their own devices,
their difficulties with social interaction and self-management can
result in anxiety. The use of a "buddy system" can assist in providing
direction, as can the creation of a timetable for recess and lunch
times. These should be raised with class teachers and implemented with
their assistance.
In Public—
Kids
on the spectrum can become overwhelmed to the point of distress by even
a short outing in public. The result is that many parents simply seek
to avoid as much as possible situations where their youngster is exposed
to the public. While expedient, it may not offer the best long-term
solution to your youngster, and there are strategies to assist with
outings.
Consider
providing your youngster with an iPod or iPad in the car to block out
other sounds and stimuli. Prepare a social story or list explaining to
your youngster a trip to the stores or doctor. Be sure to include on the
list your return home. Consider giving her a task to complete during
the trip, or having her assist you. At all times, maintaining
consistency when dealing with the disorder and discipline is key. It
pays to ensure that others involved in your youngster's care are
familiar with your strategies and techniques and are able to apply them.
Most
importantly, don't hesitate to seek support networks for parents of
"special needs" kids, and take advantage of the wealth of knowledge that
those who have dealt with the disorder before you have developed. The
assistance you can gain from these and other resources can assist you in
developing important strategies to deal with problems in a manner most
beneficial to your youngster.
Knowing
when, how, and how much to discipline your youngster can be quite
challenging. You may be filled with worry for your youngster and her
future. You may be learning more about becoming her strongest advocate.
In so doing, you will need to find balance in your role as a parent and
disciplinarian. There may be a fine line between being an effective
parent and being perceived as zealous or coddling of your youngster.
Your
youngster’s diagnosis is a label that describes a small part of who he
is as a human being. He is many other things. His diagnosis does not
exclusively define him (remember the self-fulfilling prophecy). In
valuing your youngster’s gifts and talents concurrent with understanding
his diagnosis, be cautious about going to extremes. You have every
reason to be a strong advocate on behalf of your youngster and in
protection of his rights. But this does not exempt him from being
disciplined by you or, where appropriate, by teachers.
Over-protectiveness—
Some
moms and dads can become overprotective. They may make frequent excuses
for their youngster’s words or actions. And they may not discipline
where most others agree it to be warranted. When this occurs -
regardless of the youngster’s way of being - the balance of authority
shifts. The youngster gains more and more control while being protected
in a sheltered environment with little to no discipline.
The Dignity of Risk—
There
is what is known as the “dignity of risk.” It speaks to the luxury we
must allow persons with different ways of being to make long- and
short-term mistakes, but not without support and guidance. This will be a
great challenge to you as a parent who is naturally protective of your
youngster. But it is the only way she will be able to learn and prepare
for greater independence in the future. Disciplining your youngster
should be a teaching and learning opportunity about making choices and
decisions. When your youngster makes mistakes, assure her that she is
still loved and valued. In other words, focus on the issue at hand, not
the person.
For
example, the parents of the adolescent who drove the uninsured car
should demonstrate their discipline by first discussing his great error
in judgment in addition to entering into a dialogue about good, better,
and best choices in the future. It will be especially helpful - and will
maximize the learning opportunity - if, in partnership with the child,
they write it all down to make it as concrete as possible. They may also
decide that another form of discipline (e.g., withholding allowance or
grounding) is an entirely appropriate way to reinforce the seriousness
of his actions.
This
is not to suggest that they should not have intervened if they had had
prior knowledge of his intentions - they certainly should have! But,
where possible, look for small opportunities to deliberately allow your
youngster to make mistakes for which you can set aside
discipline-teaching time. It will be a learning process for you and your
youngster.
An
HFA youngster may behave aggressively when he is
disappointed or frustrated (as other kids do). But he may not be doing
it intentionally, because as a youngster on the spectrum, he is unable
to understand that other people have thoughts and feelings. He doesn't
fully understand that other people hurt when he hits them. He may learn
this as he gets older, but it may take some time. So how do parents of autistic kids tell them to not hit other people? How can they
handle their misbehavior?
==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism
Here are a few short but helpful pointers to help parents in disciplining a young person on the autism spectrum:
Discipline
is about teaching your youngster good and appropriate behavior.
Discipline is about helping her to become an independent and responsible
people. Regardless of the disorder, you still need to discipline your
child with the consideration of her special needs. In particular, you
need to keep in mind her unusual perception of pain. Therefore, spanking
is a "no go." It will not teach that her behavior is unacceptable. In
contrast, it may encourage her that hitting others is an acceptable
behavior. It may even encourage self-injurious behavior. In fact, many
experts strongly agree to not use any form of physical punishment on
autistic kids.
The
best method is through positive discipline, where you focus on your
child's acceptable behavior and provide rewards so that he will be
encouraged to repeat the behavior. To do that, first you need to
establish ground rules. The ground rules state specifically what is
considered acceptable behavior - and what is not. You must catch and
reward your child when he is well-behaved and following the rules. A
reward need not necessarily be a physical or expensive one. It can be
genuine praise or a word of encouragement. Most importantly, the reward
must be clear and specific. The youngster should be able to know exactly
the behavior that earned the reward. Rather than saying "Good job," say
"Thank you for cleaning up your room."
Some HFA kids are not able to generalize information. They are
usually not able to apply what they learn in one learning context to
another learning context (e.g., he may learn that hitting his friend at
school is not acceptable, but he may not necessarily understand that he
can't hit his sister at home). In other words, once the situation
changes, it will be a totally a new learning experience for the child.
Be consistent and provide many repetitions in disciplining him. If there
is punishment, make sure that the punishment is always the same for the
bad behavior. A consistent environment and many repetitions will help
your youngster to learn and remember the differences between right and
wrong.
Disciplining
an HFA youngster is not easy, but your loving care and
understanding of him will make the task much easier to fulfill. By
accommodating her special needs, she will accept discipline with less
push-back. Be persistent and enjoy every small success. Your child may
not be the captain of a cheer-leading squad, but she is taking small
steps to become an independent and responsible adult.
==> More crucial disciplinary strategies can be found here...
Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
More articles for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning.
Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him,
rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression.
As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and
depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.
Click here to read the full article…
---------------------------------------------------------------
Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown
temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from
ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child
is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are
totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the
least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into
the next - the meltdown can return in full force.
Click here for the full article...
--------------------------------------------------------------
Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the
autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a
teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an
average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for
even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’
disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.
Click here to read the full article…
------------------------------------------------------------
Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and
he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse
strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face
many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for
teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one
mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."
Click here to read the full article…
------------------------------------------------------------
Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are
“mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and
intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to
identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits
reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he
or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish,
insensitive and uncaring.
Click here to read the full article...
------------------------------------------------------------
Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her
“out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress,
anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.
------------------------------------------------------------
A child with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) can have
difficulty in school because, since he fits in so well, many adults
may miss the fact that he has a diagnosis. When these children display
symptoms of their disorder, they may be seen as defiant or disruptive.
Click here for the full article...
COMMENTS:
• Anonymous said… a good read...
• Anonymous said… Do you take it away for the rest of the day or a set time that he loses it? My son is hf and loves his computer games but he doesn't seem to understand when he loses them as the unwanted behaviour continues x
• Anonymous said… Figuring out an effective discipline strategy has been one of the most challenging issues I’ve faced as the parent of an ASD teen.
• Anonymous said… Good info. I am glad you share this stuff. It helps me help Ryan and Mason as well as you guys. Consistency in his family environment is crucial.
• Anonymous said… it depends on situation. He is 13 and when he was younger, yes it would be for the rest of that day onto next. Id give him opportunities to earn it bk but it depended on why it was taken away. Now hes 13 i will remove it till i see fit to return it. He was in big trouble a few wks bk as he hacked into the school computer to see if he could. He couldnt see the seriousness of this so all tecnology was removed for nearly 3 weeks. During that time, we researched serious acts of hacking and i showed him the consequences... Jail sentence etc. Also during that time he had chores around the house which he did earn money for as i wanted him to see, there are other things to do with ur time. Unfortunately when he gained the tec bk, the chores fell away to the way side. However i did show him that during that 3 weeks he also learned to play ukelele. Frustrating.... But sometimes tough love and consistencey does pay off from time to time. His behaviour has improved and the very thought of him loosing it again makes him think twice. Hope this helps x
• Anonymous said… My son is hf and as a punishment I take away the thing he loves most.... technology. While he doesn’t have it he can reflect on his actions. Dnt get me wrong, it can be hard going but I’ve tried various strategies and this seems to work x
• Anonymous said… We find we had to find different strategies to discipline our son with asd and spd it's not easy we can tell u he is 9 years old still keep on trying. 😢 😢.
Post your comment below…
