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Articles in Alphabetical Order: 2010
ASD and Social Anxiety
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- Avoidance of social situations to a degree that limits activities or disrupts life
- Clinging to the parent
- Crying
- Excessive self-consciousness and anxiety in everyday social situations
- Extreme fear of being watched or judged by others, especially people you don’t know
- Fear that others will notice that you’re nervous
- Fear that you’ll act in ways that that will be embarrassing or humiliating
- Having a meltdowns
- Intense worry for days, weeks, or even months before an upcoming social situation
- Refusing to go to school
- Throwing a tantrum
- Challenging negative, unhelpful thoughts that trigger and fuel social anxiety, replacing them with more balanced views.
- Facing the social situations you fear in a gradual, systematic way, rather than avoiding them.
- Learning how to control the physical symptoms of anxiety through relaxation techniques and breathing exercises.
- Sit comfortably with the back straight and the shoulders relaxed. Put one hand on the chest and the other on the stomach.
- Inhale slowly and deeply through the nose for 4 seconds. The hand on the stomach should rise, while the hand on the chest should move very little.
- Hold the breath for 2 seconds.
- Exhale slowly through the mouth for 6 seconds, pushing out as much air as possible. The hand on the stomach should move in when exhaling, but the other hand should move very little.
- Continue to breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth. Focus on keeping a slow and steady breathing pattern of 4-in, 2-hold, and 6-out.
==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Launching Adult Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance
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==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Parents' Comprehensive Handbook
==> Unraveling the Mystery Behind High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book
==> Crucial Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism
Resources for Neurodiverse Couples:
==> Online Group Therapy for Men with ASD
==> Online Group Therapy for NT Wives
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==> Online Group Therapy for Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Cassandra Syndrome Recovery for NT Wives
==> ASD Men's MasterClass: Social-Skills Training and Emotional-Literacy Development
==> Pressed for time? Watch these "less-than-one-minute" videos for on the go.
15 comments:
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Anonymous said...
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I have no idea what to do in social situations, so they make me nervous. People would try to force me to interact. I tell them I don't know what to do. They don't believe me and push me on. I make a mistake, they laugh and I'm afraid to try it again. Or, I try, make a mistake and someone yells at me,”You just don't say that!" I ask why not. They think I'm being sarcastic, refuse to answer and alienate me more. Eventually, they just give up on me which leads to further isolation. The only way I can avoid what they do, and the tension it causes, is to avoid them. They ask me why I avoid them. I tell them it’s because they yell at me. They tell me,”Well, if you would just say the right thing." I tell them I don't know what that is. They still don't believe me and think I'm making up lame excuses. Most people I know can't handle my AS traits. It frustrates them too much. That pushes even more of them away.
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- Anonymous said...
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I was shy as a child and also what I call "socially tone deaf," which made me awkward in many of my interactions with other kids, but even at that early age I would say I didn't have social anxiety as much as I had social indifference...I was simply happier spending time alone than with others. That is still true today, even though years of life experience have greatly improved my social skills. I am animated, outgoing and sociable at work and with a few friends whose homes I visit, but I only go to actual social "events" two or three times a year, not because I am anxious but because I just can't be bothered and very much prefer quiet evenings alone at home. When I do go out, I am OK for 2 or 3 hours, but then I begin to feel bored or crowded and am ready to leave. I do think I am happiest and healthiest living alone...it's easier to be around people all day if I have my solitude to look forward to.
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Anonymous said...
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That is interesting and good to read... I have put off saying I think I'm Aspie like because there are times I can appear 'out-going' - but usually it is when I am talking about an interest of mine in a situation where I am sharing with people who I trust to accept me. I have had people tell me that it's like a switch turns on and I light up and it's amazing to watch. If I think about that at the moment, I get self-conscious and stammer... so I try not to think about it. Like you I can usually do something socially demanding for about 3 hours before I start to shut down and need to go rest. Holiday parties with family and all the kids and chatty conversation can be the most exhausting thing for me... I end up finding some place quiet to hang out before I can rejoin. I don't live alone, but I stay at home while the kids go to school, which gives me my peace. During the summer though, I get grumpier and grumpier until Mommy needs a time out. Thank God for DVD's!
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- Anonymous said...
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That sounds just like me! I love to talk and can actually be the "life of the party," especially when talking about a subject I love and know well. What I find so tiring about socializing is sitting through 2 or 3 hours, in which I may spend only 5 or 10 minutes talking this way and the rest of the time sitting around, waiting a polite length of time to go home, longing to be online...
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- Anonymous said...
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For me during social anxiety it felt like I knew what to say but when that was treated I still didn't know what to say. I do ok with one person but in a group situation I have nothing to say. I don't have anxiety anymore because when I realize I'm not saying anything I just look for something else to occupy my mind with. I do repetitive things like try to straighten objects on a table. It still sounds like anxiety but I don't get those racing thoughts in my head, so in a way it's better. If you want to get treated for social anxiety you can't do it on your own. See a therapist/ psychologist and if you need it take medication. Also, look for books or ways to treat social anxiety online. My way works for me, but may not work for everybody.
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- Anonymous said...
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I have both. I thought social anxiety/phobia was my single issue for most of my life up until recently. It is probably more prominent than my autism. My diagnosticians said that my social anxiety likely primarily arose due the hindrance in my ability to understand people and social norms, but also because of sensory issues. Early on, my psychologists/iatrists tried social situation exposure in an effort to get over it. This was while on SSRIs. That's the classical method, but it never really worked with me. It probably would be more successful on someone who doesn't also have autism.
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- Anonymous said...
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My solution has been finding the right medication: Lexapro. This has helped me a lot, but I still have difficulties.
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- Anonymous said...
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I used to be quite extraverted, but I turned very introverted after years of embarrassing mistakes and failings. And now my social anxiety is pretty bad, and if you took that away I'd probably do well socially.
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Anonymous said...
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I was placed on antidepressants after a lifetime of dysthymia and bouts of clinical depression. They relieved my social anxiety to some degree, which I was not expecting. I still avoid social situations but I am merely shy now rather than paralyzed. Now I am more likely to blurt something out or ramble on about my particular area of interest. I think my social anxiety masked my possible Aspie traits. (self dx'd).
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Anonymous said...
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I only have one of the two. Social anxiety disorder. I'm glad I can actually relate to some people since joining this website as an NT xD. I know how to respond in any situation on the spot, I don't even have to think about it. The anxiety symptoms can make it difficult sometimes, but I seem to be getting over some of them now.
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- Anonymous said...
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That is very much my child. At this point, she is taking medication to help her at bedtime.
That article is very helpful.
Thanks. -
Anonymous said...
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Not sure if my 25 year old has Asperger's. He goes to college for Physical Therapy, but not sure what he wants to be. Doesn't have a job, but had one up till about a year ago. Doesn't want to look for one. Has social anxiety. Doesn't like me, his mom. Doesn't like to be told what to do.
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Anonymous said...
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Hi Mark,
My 15 year old son has a phobia about going into shops and buying even an ice cream for himself. I think this has developed because we haven’t taken him out enough or ever made him buy anything by himself. I have sat down and talked to him about why it is so important because when he has his own home he will have to do his own shopping.(he seemed to agree with this)
I have explained to him that we will be going shopping together about 2 times a week and 2 times a week he has to go into a shop and pay for his own ice-cream. What happens if he refuses to go into the shop because he is so anxious, do I need to say if he refuses that he will have a consequence and loose his iPod until he carries through with my request. How should I handle this phobia.
We have been following your programme for 1 week now and I have notice a huge improvement in his behaviour and our relationship. Thanks so much. - Mark said...
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Re: What happens if he refuses to go into the shop because he is so anxious, do I need to say if he refuses that he will have a consequence and loose his iPod until he carries through with my request. How should I handle this phobia.
This is a wonderful task that you are giving him!!!
I would go in small steps... perhaps something like:
1st time- You go in the shop with him and pay
2nd time- You go in the shop with him - he pays
3rd time- You go in the shop with him - he pays - you stand at the door (as far away as possible) and watch
4th time- Same as 3rd, but you stand right outside the door (out of view, but when he comes out, you are right there)
Also, rehearse all of this at home before attempting (role play ...you are the cashier).
I would caution against punishing him for not following through as this will just raise the anxiety level. -
Anonymous said...
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One time I was invited to a birthday party. I was so anxious the week before that, kept thinking bout it and how I didn't have a present yet, if I had the time right and other stuff like that.
Then, a day before the party I was doing some stupid stuff with my friend, to keep my mind off of it. Long story short, I got injured, enough that they called in a helicopter. Only two things were going through my mind at that point, one was the pain and the other one was relief at not having to attend that birthday party the next day.
Home-Schooling Your Aspergers Child
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The Complete Guide to Teaching Students with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism
Aspergers Adults and Love
![](https://2.bp.blogspot.com/_DUR6AuIAT_Q/TSCpyz6cAzI/AAAAAAAADiU/8xfx95FXoFs/s200/aspergers+and+love.jpg)
And for their non-Aspergers partner, there is finally a sense of comfort and a knowing that she is sane after all. There was something different at play all through their relationship, and it had nothing to do with lack of love, selfishness, insensitivity, etc. Rather it had to do with a neurological disorder; a very real disconnect right in the middle of the relationship.
==> Living with an Aspergers Partner: Relationship Skills for Couples Affected by Aspergers
Comments:
• Anonymous said... I am an Aspie. I will be getting married to my Tenant and Roommate.
• Anonymous said... I am married to a man with aspergers. We have been married for 45 years. He was only diagnosed 3 years ago. When we met most couples did not live together before marriage. If we had I do not think I would have married hemi also have 2 adult children with it. One has out going/assertive a/s [like her dad] with severe mental health problems. The other one has passive a/s. [like her paternal uncle and cousin.]SO YES A/S PEOPLE DO MARRY. Once you have a diagnosis things get a little easier. P.S. Most of my families have good careers they all have some connection to their obsessive hobby.
• Anonymous said... I just have to tell you that this post really made me smile. It sounds like you are married to my husband! I can't tell you what a difference it has made to me to discover there are other women out there who are in the same situation... We may not be able to talk about it with our husbands or be able to talk to friends who wouldn't understand, but I'M glad you didn't "just shut up" thanks!
• Anonymous said... I too have noticed that there doesn't seem to be much on the web yet on this subject. I can only guess that it's because the research is all relatively new, really just a few decades. And most of it so far has been about AS children. Hopefully in time the research into other aspects of life with AS will increase and be easier to find. Meantime, I'm glad to do my bit.
• Anonymous said... My a/s husband just carries on in his own sweet aspergers way. He will not discuss it or read up on it. He is so stubborn. I think if he read up on it, he thinks he will lose face by admitting he has it. And of course they do not like change, and to make a move to change his behavior will mean change. Why should he change? He has the life he wants, it may make me happier, but that may mean I am more affectionate to him. And he can’t stand that. I think we have to change, not them.
• Anonymous said... My husband has AS and he's high functioning. We've been married since June 2007, and our son will be 7 months this weekend. My hubby is a wonderful father and husband. He's quite mature.
• Anonymous said... To the last comment- This sounds exactly like my life- My partner and i have only been together for aprox 3 years- we are both young and we have a 4month old son together. I was completely unaware of the fact that he had aspergers- i just thought when he would act out of normal character that he was selfish or just being a typical male, I know he loves me, and he loves his son. His father also has Aspergers and his sister has a Autism Spectrum disorder (so it runs in the family) When discovering the reality of Aspergers i tried to reach out to his mother- being married to a man with aspergers for 25 years>she did not want a bar of it. She told me they never talk about it and theres nothing to talk about. Which was devastating to me. Im hoping to seek counselling with my partner as we have fought hundreds of times and broken up nearly every two weeks-I went into a bout of depression during my pregnancy due to all our miss-haps and figure theres no way else i could cope without help from people who know about aspergers. My family and friends have no idea and simply cannot understand what it is like. I should know and trust that he does love me-but because he doesnt see WHY he should show me affection- i feel as if he doesnt. Along with this the chance is probably 50/50 that my son will develop some sort of mental illness as my family have a histor of depression & anxiety disorders from which i too suffer from (i have only been diagnosed recently). Any way its a little weight off my shoulders reading about other people and their experiences and how similar they are to mine!
• Anonymous said... Yes aspergers men can seem very young for their age, but my a/s husband was also great fun. To him life is fun. Also hate to spoil your therapy but he was very handsome also. So funny and handsome. How could I resist. The aspergers people in our family [many] are all good looking/clever/hard working and love the other sex [or own] so now you know a/s do have relationships, some are good looking and if they are immature, that adds to the fun.
• Anonymous said...I've been in a relationship with my partner for nearly 7 years now its only in the last few years that I have been told that he has had aspergers from a young age and obviously as I no and only a few that it doesn't just disappear when you get older however I'm finding it hard to cope with the pressure of this whilst also having two children one whom is 3 and my daughter has just turned 1 I have been doing some research and have found your page extremely useful however. I've also noticed that many aspergers sufferers have good talents and my partner doesn't seem to have any motivation at all. As I've just started looking this up I have realized and don't want to come across as nasty but he's not the person that I thought he was I love him very much and do want to spend the rest of my life with him but can't help that with some of the things he does and says will affect our children. I think I always new that there was something not quite right but never imagined how hard it would be as being a young mother anyway its extremely hard to live a normal day to day life as nobody seems to understand that when we do have a row he doesn't mean what he does that's just the only way that he can express himself as he doesn't seem to be able to sit and talk about frustrations he will physical break things to show what he feels and then within minutes he will say sorry as he nos its wrong and it shouldn't be done. I have tried to talk about this with his mother but it seems like she has tried to hide this for a very long time and doesn't want to talk about it. It just feels like a dirty little secret when I do bring it up. She says he only suffers from a small amount of the symptoms but as we go on it seems to be a lot more than what she has told me. I just don't no where else to turn as if I do tell people like family health visitors nobody seems to have a clue what I'm on about! I don't actually think my partner has ever been told what he has properly and the affects how do I go about doing all this without him thinking I'm interfering.
• Anonymous said… I been with my boyfriend for a year and I get that it's harder than the average relationship,but to put up with each others crap is what shows the true meaning of love lol. I realized that being with him has helped me a lot and I help him a lot.Accepting what he has and loving him for who he is and willing to go ways for him is what I'm willing to do because I have love him.
• Anonymous said… Sadly there doesn't seem to be much support in Australia, as I was diagnosed last year at 35, after my wife left me, and have had extreme difficulty finding new friends, as I have had to do it on my own with virtually no support. This needs to change very soon
• Anonymous said… We are mature. Lol. Immaturity is Not one of the traits. We may take longer getting to be fully emotionally mature but that depends on how much is done for us and how much we do for ourselves.
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