Aspergers in Adults

Aspergers does not only occur in kids and teens, but is also diagnosed in adults.

The causes of Aspergers have not yet been fully clarified, although a genetic component is likely. To make the diagnosis, tests are performed to assess social ability, fluctuations in attention, attention to detail, communication, and fantasy.

Although Aspergers has often been considered a disorder, it may be better to describe it as a personality style because of the fact that the people who have it tend to be social loners.

Adults with Aspergers can have a variety of characteristics, some of the more common ones include:

• A-rhythmic speech or abnormal speech rhythm

• Average or above-average intelligence

• Can sometimes appear to have an inappropriate, immature or delayed understanding of sexual codes of conduct

• Clumsy or exaggerated gestures when talking

• Difficulty with high-level language skills (reasoning, problem solving, being too literal)

• Difficulty with social communication

• Difficulty with social interaction

• Diminished empathy for others

• Extreme focus on a particular interest or hobby

• Facial expressions are flat

• Flat or monotonous voice

• Great attention to detail

• Has one-sided eating habits

• Having a hard time reading other people or understanding humor and metaphorical use of language

• Highly sensitive to criticism

• Inability to see another person's point of view

• Lack of emotional control, particularly with anger, depression, and anxiety

• Lack of empathy

• Lack of social imagination

• Lacks "common sense"

• Lacks sensitivity to nonverbal cues and social codes

• Little or no facial expression

• Love for routines

• May experience difficulties in partnership

• May live a withdrawn life

• Motor clumsiness

• Neurotic habits or tics

• Not emotional

• Not taken seriously or misunderstood in face-to-face situations

• Not well able to read another's facial expression

• Oversensitive to particular sounds

• Perfectionist

• Problems engaging in "small talk"

• Problems with distribution of responsibilities especially in a marriage

• Rigid day or week schedule (repetitive patterns)

• Rigid social behavior because of an inability to spontaneously adapt to a myriad of social situations

• Skeptical and reluctant to change, may have difficulty changing from one activity to another

• Strict adherence to routines which can lead to anxiety when something unexpected happens

• Strong interest in arcane subjects (either scientific, occult or trivial)

• Talks too much – or talks too little

• Tends to avoid eye contact

• Verbal expression can appear to be highly sophisticated

• Very honest

Treatment for Aspergers coordinates therapies that address core symptoms of the disorder, including poor communication skills and obsessive or repetitive routines. While most clinicians agree that the earlier the intervention, the better, there is no single best treatment package. Aspergers treatment resembles that of other high-functioning ASDs, except that it takes into account the linguistic capabilities, verbal strengths, and nonverbal vulnerabilities. A typical program generally includes:

• Cognitive behavioral therapy to improve stress management relating to anxiety or explosive emotions, and to cut back on obsessive interests and repetitive routines
• Medication, for coexisting conditions such as major depressive disorder and anxiety disorder
• Occupational or physical therapy to assist with poor sensory integration and motor coordination
• Social communication intervention, which is specialized speech therapy to help with the pragmatics of the give and take of normal conversation
• The training of social skills for more effective interpersonal interactions

There is some evidence that as many as 20% of children with Aspergers "grow out" of it, and fail to meet the diagnostic criteria as adults.

Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples

Good Jobs for Aspergers Teens

Question

What are some good jobs for a high schooler with Asperger's who can't work with the general public, for example, can't work traditional retail jobs, etc.?

Answer

If your Aspergers teen cannot function in a fast-paced job like McDonalds or a Movie Theater, then here are some other job options:

1. Babysitter

2. Building maintenance (e.g., painting, replacing light bulbs) in an apartment complex, hotel or office building

3. Corn detasseling

4. Elderly care

5. Finding insects and worms to sell to the local bait shop

6. Game tester (you get paid to play video games)

7. Handcrafts (e.g., wood carving, jewelry making, ceramics, etc.)

8. Janitor jobs (e.g., mopping, sweeping, cleaning)

9. Landscaping work

10. Lawn and garden work

11. Lawnmower repair

12. Life guard

13. Newspaper route delivering the local newspaper

14. Pet sitting/grooming

15. Plant care (e.g., watering plants in a large office building)

16. Pool cleaner

17. Pooper scooper

18. Refuse and recyclable materials collector

19. Re-shelving library books

20. Restocking shelves (e.g., grocery or department store)

21. Small appliance repair

22. Working as a farm hand (e.g., bailing hay)

23. Working in a recycling plant (e.g., sorting jobs)

24. Working in an animal shelter (e.g., cleaning cages)

25. Working in a warehouse (e.g., loading trucks, stacking boxes)  

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Aspergers Adults and Self-Medication

Question

My son is 22 and self medicates with marijuana, he has tried prescription medication but doesn’t like the side effects. He is living at home at the moment (has had a few attempts at living away from home). How do I handle this? He says he wants to give up, but will do it his way and wants no involvement from me. However, I cop the brunt of his rage when he hasn’t had his marijuana. Would appreciate any advice…

Answer

Self-medication is the use or abuse of drugs and/or alcohol in an attempt to relieve physical and/or emotional problems (e.g., depression, anxiety, sleeplessness, emotional pain, bipolar disorder, Aspergers, etc.). Self-medication is a temporary fix, because it treats the symptoms of the problem, not the problem itself. When young adults with Aspergers use drugs other than those that health-care providers prescribe, the underlying problem goes untreated – and possibly worsens! Unfortunately, self-medicating is often nothing more than short term gain WITH long term pain.

Cannabis is the second most common drug used to medicate unwanted symptoms associated with the Aspergers condition, for example:

• anger management problems

• controlling feelings such as depression, fear or anxiety

• high intelligence, and sometimes too smart for their own good

• inability to listen to others

• inability to think in abstract ways

• inflexible thinking; lack of empathy

• lack of managing appropriate social conduct

• repetitive routines provides feelings of security

• specialized fields of interest

• stress when their routine suddenly changes

• visual thinking

Having said this, we should consider the research on “marijuana use” rather than simply offering opinions about the pros and cons.

THC, the active ingredient in marijuana, increases serotonin when smoked in low doses (similar to SSRI antidepressant, such as Prozac). But at higher doses, the effect reverses itself and can actually worsen depression and other psychiatric conditions. Researchers have observed an antidepressant effect of cannabinoids and an increased activity in the neurons that produce serotonin. However, increasing the cannabinoid dose beyond a set point (which is difficult to determine) completely undoes the benefits.

The antidepressant and intoxicating effects of cannabis are due to its chemical similarity to natural substances in the brain known as "endo-cannabinoids," which are released under conditions of high stress or pain. They interact with the brain through structures called cannabinoid CB1 receptors. Studies demonstrate that these receptors have a direct effect on the cells producing serotonin, which is a neurotransmitter that regulates the mood. However, since controlling the dosage of natural cannabis is difficult (particularly when it is smoked in the form of marijuana joints), using it directly as an antidepressant is very risky. And in most cases, the well-meaning cannabis ‘user’ slips into the ‘abuser’ over time (since this drug is addictive), thus crossing the line into ‘depression-aggravation’ rather than ‘depression-alleviation’.

We’ve talked about depression so far, but it should be noted that the same holds true for anxiety. Small doses of cannabis alleviate anxiety (temporarily), but exacerbate feelings of anxiety in larger doses. In addition, the same holds true for other illegal drugs (e.g., the use of cocaine would be a temporary “fix” at best, only to worsen symptoms in the long run).

Another complicating factor for young Aspergers adults who use/abuse cannabis is a little known phenomenon called “amotivational syndrome.” This presumed psychological condition is believed to be a direct result of regular cannabis abuse and leaves those affected with a reduction in (a) motivation and (b) capacity for the usual activities required for achievement and success in today's world. Some young adult ‘Aspies’ are, by default, slightly-to-mostly “unmotivated” to take on adult-like responsibilities anyway. Thus, when “amotivational syndrome” is added to the mix via marijuana abuse, the adult’s eventual independence and self-reliance is even more compromised.

It is possible for an experienced marijuana smoker to titrate and regulate the dose to obtain the desired acute effects, and at the same time, minimize undesired effects. Thus, the question becomes: “Do the advantages of self-medication with marijuana outweigh the disadvantages?” Clearly this is personal question that only the pot smoker can answer himself or herself.

It should be noted that smoked marijuana is not a medicine since it has failed to pass the scientific trials needed for it to go to market. As a result, marijuana remains a Schedule I controlled substance as defined by the Controlled Substances Act. Therefore, abusers run the risk of legal problems in addition to emotion and health problems.

What can parents do (assuming they want to be proactive about stopping drug abuse)?

First, educate yourselves completely about drugs and drug abuse.

If your son's drug use has been purely recreational, you may only need to clearly state your position regarding abstinence and then closely monitor his behavior. If your son is more deeply into substance abuse, seek the advice of a behavioral health or substance abuse professional.

Don't show any emotions of anger or fear, and don't lose your good poker face -- but do send a strong message that drug and alcohol use is not acceptable. Don't lecture, be clear, and keep your message short and to the point.

Restrict or eliminate use of the car, take away cell phones, etc., until your son is committed to being "clean and sober."

Find out where your son is getting the money to purchase drugs (e.g., your ATM card, wallet, money you give for an allowance, lunches, gas, etc.). Don't be surprised if you find he is stealing from you or others to finance his drug use.

Purchase urine-screen kits to use at home and test your son randomly. If he refuses the screens, tell him the following: "If you choose to use drugs, you'll choose the consequence – you will have to live elsewhere."

If your son continues to use drugs, follow through with this consequence.

This sounds like tough love – because it is. Understand this very clearly: If you are allowing your son to use illegal substances in your home – or if you are using your money to purchase the drugs for him, YOU run the risk of legal ramifications as well. Explain this to your son by saying, “You’re not the only one who could get into trouble with the law if you get busted with pot– it could affect me too!”

Launching Adult Children With Aspergers: How To Promote Self-Reliance

Inappropriate Responses from Aspies

The trouble is this: Aspies (i.e., people with Aspergers) can't lie if asked a direct question – they suffer from complete honesty. In addition, they often take other’s statements very literally. It's often remarked by neurotypicals or NTs (i.e., people without Aspergers) that Aspies respond in an inappropriate manner, but what does that actually look like? Here are some examples of “social mistakes” made by Aspies:

NT: Look, here’s a picture of my baby.
Aspie: Woo, he looks like Orville the Duck, doesn’t he?

NT: Does my butt look big in this dress?
Aspie: Yes it does, but no more than usual.

NT: So, how would you like your eggs?
Aspie: Unfertilized.

NT: Did you notice how I've kept my youthful complexion?
Aspie: Yeah, so I see ...all spotty.

NT: I've changed my mind...
Aspie: Excellent, so does the new one work better?

NT: Say, haven't we met before?
Aspie: Yes, I'm a nurse at the VD clinic.

NT: Sweetheart, do you think I'll lose my looks as I get older.
Aspie: With luck, yea.

NT: How many people work in your office?
Aspie: About half of them.

NT: Isn't my baby beautiful?
Aspie: That's a baby?!

NT: (Waiter) Table for how many?
Aspie: Yes.

NT: (Store Clerk) Will there be anything else?
Aspie: Why? Wasn't this enough?

NT: (Teacher) Why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
Aspie: You told me to do it without using tables.

NT: (Teacher) George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
Aspie: Because George still had the axe in his hand?

NT: Are you chewing gum?
Aspie: No, I’m Michael Smith.

NT: (Customer) I want to buy a dress to put on around the house.
Aspie: Yes, Madam. How large is your house?

NT: I've got a surprise for you, honey. I brought a friend home for dinner.
Aspie: Who wants to eat friends?

NT: (Girlfriend) May I hold your hand?
Aspie: No, thanks. It isn't heavy.

NT: Do these stairs take you to the second floor?
Aspie: No, you'll have to walk.

NT: How are you?
Aspie: How am I what?


* All in the name of fun - don't be offended :)

Aspergers Symptoms Across The Life-Span

Question

Do the symptoms of Aspergers differ according to the age of the person affected by the disorder? In other words, does a young child have a different set of issues compared to a teen or an adult?

Answer

Although there are many possible symptoms related to Aspergers (high functioning autism) across the life-span, the main symptom is usually “severe trouble with social situations” regardless of the age of the individual. An Aspie may have mild to severe symptoms or have a few or many symptoms. Because of the wide variety of symptoms, no two Aspies are alike. Parents often first notice the symptoms of Aspergers when their youngster starts preschool/school and begins to interact with other students.

Symptoms during childhood include the following:

• Appears to lack empathy

• Avoids eye contact or stare at others

• Dislikes any changes in routines

• Does not pick up on social cues and may lack inborn social skills (e.g., being able to read others' body language, start or maintain a conversation, taking turns talking, etc.)

• Handwriting is often poor

• Has a formal style of speaking that is advanced for his or her age (e.g., may use the word "beckon" instead of "call" or the word "return" instead of "come back")

• Has delayed motor development (e.g., late in learning to use a fork or spoon, ride a bike, catch a ball, etc.)

• Has heightened sensitivity and becomes over-stimulated by loud noises, lights, strong tastes, certain textures, etc.

• Has unusual facial expression or posture

• Internal thoughts are often verbalized

• Is overly interested in parts of a whole or in unusual activities (e.g., designing houses, drawing highly detailed scenes, studying astronomy, etc.)

• Is preoccupied with only one or few interests, which he or she may be very knowledgeable about

• Is unable to recognize subtle differences in speech tone, pitch, and accent that alter the meaning of others’ speech

• May have an awkward walk

• May not understand a joke or may take a sarcastic comment literally

• May show an unusual interest in certain topics (e.g., snakes, names of stars, dinosaurs, etc.)

• One-sided conversations are common

• Speech may be flat and difficult to understand because it lacks tone, pitch, and accent

• Talks a lot, usually about a favorite subject

Many kids with Aspergers also have coexisting conditions and may have symptoms of these conditions also. They include:

• Social anxiety disorder

• Obsessive-compulsive disorder

• Nonverbal learning disorder

• Depression

• Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder

• Anxiety disorder

A youngster with one or two of these symptoms does not necessarily have Aspergers. To be diagnosed, he/she must have a combination of these symptoms and severe trouble with social situations.

Preschool—

There is no single, uniform presenting picture of Aspergers in the first 3-4 years. Some children may have early language delays with rapid "catch-up" between the ages of 3and 5 years. Some of these children may have no evidence of early developmental delay (with the possible exception of motor clumsiness).

Although Aspergers children may relate quite normally with the family setting, problems are often seen when they enter a preschool setting. These may include:

• a tendency to avoid spontaneous social interactions

• a tendency to be perseverative or repetitive when conversing

• appearing to be "in one's own world"

• difficulty regulating social/emotional responses involving anger, aggression, or excessive anxiety

• difficulty with transitions

• hyperactivity

• odd verbal responses

• preference for a set routine

• problems sustaining simple conversations

• showing very weak skills in interactions

• the tendency to over-focus on particular objects or subjects

Elementary School—

• Academic progress in the early grades is an area of relative strength (e.g., rote reading is usually good; calculation skills may be strong)

• An Aspergers child will frequently enter kindergarten without having been adequately diagnosed

• Behavioral concerns (e.g., hyperactivity, inattention, aggression, outbursts, etc.) were likely observed in the preschool years

• Concern over "immature" social skills and peer interactions usually exists

• Special education may be suggested, but most Aspergers kids enter a more mainstream setting

• Teachers are often struck by the child's "obsessive" areas of interest, which often intrude in the classroom setting

• The child may already be viewed as being somewhat unusual

• They are likely to show weak friend-making and friend-keeping skills

• They may show particular interest in one or a few children around them, but usually the depth of their interactions will be relatively superficial

• Writing skills are often weak

The course for an Aspie through elementary school can vary considerably from child to child. Overall problems can range from mild/easily managed to severe/intractable depending on certain factors (e.g., the child's intelligence level, appropriateness of management at school, parenting at home, temperamental style of the child, the presence or absence of complicating factors like hyperactivity/attentional problems, anxiety, learning problems, etc.).

Symptoms during adolescence include the following:

• Most childhood symptoms persist through adolescence

• Even though Aspie teenagers can begin to learn those social skills they lacked in childhood, communication often remains difficult

• Aspergers teens will often have intense social anxiety because they are often unable to read social cues and go with the "flow" of things

• Aspie teens want friends, but often feel shy or intimidated when approaching their peers

• Difficulties associated with this disorder can cause teens with Aspergers to become withdrawn and socially isolated and to have depression or anxiety

• It is hard for teens with Aspergers to relate with other people

• Most are very honest, sometimes to the point of rudeness

• One-sided conversations are very common

• Their preference for rules and honesty may lead them to excel in the classroom and as citizens

• They are focused and goal-drive

• They are typically uninterested in following social norms, fads, or conventional thinking, allowing creative thinking and the pursuit of original interests and goals

• They have difficulty "reading" others' behavior

• They may be immature for their age

• They may be naive and too trusting, which can lead to teasing and bullying

• They may feel "different" from others

• They may find it frustrating and emotionally draining to try to fit in

• They mostly talk a lot about their favorite interests

• They often excel because of being very detail-oriented

• They often prefer routines and do not like change

• Though they may not have many friends because of extreme social anxiety, it is possible for them to have close relationships with others throughout their lives

Middle School—

• As the Aspergers youngster moves into middle school, the most difficult areas continue to be those related to socialization and behavioral adjustment

• Academic performance can continue strong, particularly in those areas of particular interest

• Aspergers children may be left out, misunderstood, teased and bullied because Middle School comes with pressures for conformity and intolerance for differences

• Attentional and organizational difficulties may be present

• Because Aspies are frequently managed in mainstream educational settings, and because their specific developmental problems may be more easily overlooked, they are often misunderstood at this age by teachers and peers

• Learning difficulties are frequent

• Pressure may build up in the Aspie with little clue until he over-reacts in a dramatically inappropriate manner

• Some degree of depression is not uncommon as a complicating feature

• Teachers often have less opportunity to get to know the child well, and as a result, problems with behavior or work/study habits may be misattributed to emotional/motivational/behavioral problems

• The child may get into escalating conflicts or power struggles with teachers and other students who may not be familiar with the Aspie’s developmental style of interacting, which can lead to more serious behavioral flare-ups

• Their behavior may become increasingly problematic in the form of outbursts of noncooperation

• There will be ongoing subtle tendencies to misinterpret information, particularly abstract or figurative/idiomatic language

• Wanting to make friends and fit in, but unable to, they may withdraw even more

High School—

• Many of these Aspergers students will have developed considerable coping skills, "social graces," and general ability to "fit in" more comfortably by this age, thus easing their way

• Peer tolerance for individual variations and eccentricity often increases to some extent

• Some Aspergers students may pass socially as "nerds," a group which they actually resemble in many ways and which may overlap with Aspergers

• The Aspie teen may form friendships with other students who share his interests (e.g., via computer or math clubs, science fairs, Star Trek clubs, etc.)

Symptoms in adulthood include:

• Aspergers syndrome is a lifelong condition, although it tends to stabilize over time, and improvements are often seen

• Aspie adults usually obtain a better understanding of their own strengths and weaknesses

• Attention to detail and focused interests increases chances of university and career success

• They have average or above-average intelligence

• They have difficulty with high-level language skills (e.g., reasoning, problem solving, being too literal, etc.)

• They have an extreme focus on a particular interest or hobby

• They sometimes have an inability to see another person's point of view

• They often lack of emotional control, particularly with anger, depression, and anxiety.

• They may lack of empathy

• Many are fascinated with technology, thus a common career choice is engineering

• Many marry and have children

• They may have problems engaging in "small talk"

• They often experience strict adherence to routines, which can lead to anxiety when something unexpected happens

• They are able to learn social skills and how to read others' social cues with help from family and friends

Children with Aspergers usually grow up to be independently functioning adults in terms of employment, marriage, and family, etc. Aspergers does not preclude the potential for a "normal" adult life.

Aspergers students are able to successfully complete college and eventually find and maintain employment. Aspie adults often gravitate to a job or profession that relates to their own areas of special interest, sometimes becoming the most proficient employee in the department. However, in most cases, they will continue to demonstrate, at least to some extent, subtle differences in social interactions.

Many Aspie adults find their way to psychiatrists and other mental health providers where the true, developmental nature of their problems may go unrecognized or misdiagnosed (30-50% of all adults with Aspergers are never evaluated or correctly diagnosed).

Many adults with Aspergers have been able to utilize their skills, often with support from loved ones, to achieve a high level of function, personally and professionally – and some represent a unique resource for society, having the single mindedness and consuming interest to advance our knowledge in various areas of science, math, etc.

Their rigidity of style and idiosyncratic perspective on the world can make interactions difficult, both in and out of the family. There is a risk for mood problems (e.g., depression, anxiety). They are often viewed by others as eccentric, and they can be challenged by the social and emotional demands of marriage (although many do marry).  


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Does My Husband Have ASD Too? An Informal Quiz to Find Out

Question

My 15-year-old son was diagnosed with ASD [level 1] at the age of 12. I have heard that this disorder is highly genetic and have thought for many years now that my husband, John, also has ASD. When I first met John, I thought he was just a little “weird” and was hurt by his lack of concern for my feelings. Although I love him dearly, he is somewhat of a “heartless freak” (he has told me that I am an “overemotional troublemaker”). Is there a way for me to know for sure whether or not he has autism short of suggesting an assessment by a professional? He denies having a lot of the same characteristics as our son and has adamantly refused to get a formal diagnosis. It's important for me to know one way or the other so I can adjust my expectations accordingly.

Answer

Although not a replacement for a professional diagnosis, the following questionnaire will give you some insight into whether or not your spouse has this disorder. If you answer ‘yes’ to most of the following questions, then it is likely that you’re looking at true ASD:

1. Are their eyes extra sensitive to strong light and glare?

2. Are their views different from their peer group?

3. Are they bothered by clothes tags or light touch?

4. Are they easily distracted?

5. Are they easily offended by criticism, correction and direction?

6. Are they hypo- or hypersensitive to physical pain, or even enjoy some types of pain?

7. Are they impatient and have low frustration tolerance?

8. Are they naturally so honest and sincere themselves that they assume everyone should be?

9. Are they often surprised what people's motives are?

10. Are they or have they been hyperactive?

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11. Are they poor at interpreting facial expressions?

12. Are they poor at returning social courtesies and gestures?

13. Are they prone to getting depression?

14. Are they sensitive to changes in humidity and air pressure?

15. Are they sometimes afraid in safe situations?

16. Are they somewhat of a daydreamer, often lost in their own thoughts?

17. Are they unsure when it is their turn to speak when talking on the phone?

18. Are they unsure when they are expected to offer an apology?

19. As a child, was their play more directed towards, for example, sorting, building, investigating or taking things apart than towards social games with other kids?

20. As a teenager, were they usually unaware of social rules & boundaries unless they were clearly spelled out?

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21. Before doing something or going somewhere, do they need to have a picture in their mind of what's going to happen so as to be able to prepare themselves mentally first?

22. Do they often misunderstand other’s motives?

23. Do people comment on their unusual mannerisms and habits?

24. Do people often tell them that they keep going on and on about the same thing?

25. Do people sometimes think they are smiling at the wrong time?

26. Do people think they are aloof and distant?

27. Do recently heard tunes or rhythms tend to stick and replay repeatedly in their head?

28. Do their feelings cycle regularly between hopelessness and extremely high confidence?

29. Do they avoid meeting new people?

30. Do they avoid talking face to face with someone they don't know very well?

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31. Do they avoid team sports?

32. Do they become frustrated if an activity that is important to them gets interrupted?

33. Do they bite their lip, cheek or tongue (e.g., when thinking, when anxious or nervous)?

34. Do they dislike being touched or hugged unless they're prepared or have asked for it?

35. Do they dislike it when people drop by to visit when uninvited?

36. Do they dislike it when people stamp their foot on the floor?

37. Do they dislike shaking hands with strangers?

38. Do they dislike when people walk behind them?

39. Do they dislike working while being observed?

40. Do they drop things when their attention is on other things?

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41. Do they enjoy mimicking animal sounds?

42. Do they enjoy watching a spinning or blinking object?

43. Do they ever walk on their toes?

44. Do they expect other people to know their thoughts, experiences and opinions without having to tell them?

45. Do they feel an urge to correct people with accurate facts, numbers, spelling, grammar etc., when others get something wrong?

46. Do they feel an urge to peel flakes off themselves and/or others?

47. Do they fiddle with things?

48. Do they find it difficult to describe their feelings?

49. Do they find it difficult to do more than one thing at once?

50. Do they find it difficult to estimate the age of people?

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51. Do they find it difficult to figure out how to behave in various situations?

52. Do they find it difficult to take messages on the telephone and pass them on correctly?

53. Do they find it difficult to take notes during lectures?

54. Do they find it disturbing or upsetting when others show up either later or sooner than agreed?

55. Do they find it easier to understand and communicate with odd & unusual people than with ordinary people?

56. Do they find it hard to be emotionally close to other people?

57. Do they find it hard to pick up on non-verbal cues of others?

58. Do they find it hard to recognize phone numbers when said in a different way?

59. Do they find it unnatural to wave or say 'hi' when they meet people?

60. Do they find it very hard to learn things that they are not interested in?

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61. Do they find the norms of hygiene too strict?

62. Do they find themselves ill at ease in romantic situations?

63. Do they forget they are in a social situation when something gets their attention?

64. Do they get confused by several verbal instructions at the same time?

65. Do they get frustrated if they can't sit in their favorite seat?

66. Do they get very tired after socializing, and need to regenerate alone?

67. Do they hate gossip?

68. Do they have a fascination for slowly flowing water?

69. Do they have a monotonous voice?

70. Do they have a tendency to become stuck when asked questions in social situation?

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71. Do they have an alternative view of what is attractive in the opposite sex?

72. Do they have an avid perseverance in gathering and filing information on a topic of interest?

73. Do they have atypical or irregular sleeping patterns that deviate from the 24-hour cycle?

74. Do they have certain routines which they need to follow?

75. Do they have difficulties filtering out background noise when talking to someone?

76. Do they have difficulties imitating & timing the movements of others, e.g., when learning new dance steps or in gym class?

77. Do they have difficulties judging distances, height, depth or speed?

78. Do they have difficulties with activities requiring manual precision, e.g., sewing, tying shoe-laces, fastening buttons or handling small objects?

79. Do they have difficulty accepting criticism, correction, and direction?

80. Do they have difficulty describing & summarizing things for example events, conversations or something they've read?

==> Online Group Therapy for Men with ASD

==> Online Group Therapy for NT Wives

81. Do they have difficulty remembering verbal instructions?

82. Do they have extra sensitive hearing?

83. Do they have little sense for what is the right thing to do socially?

84. Do they have little sense of how much pressure to apply when doing things with their hands?

85. Do they have no interest for the current fashions?

86. Do they have one special talent which they have emphasized and worked on?

87. Do they have poor awareness or body control and a tendency to fall, stumble or bump into things?

88. Do they have problems filling out forms?

89. Do they have problems finding their way to new places?

90. Do they have problems recognizing faces?

==> Living with ASD: eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples 

91. Do they have problems starting or finishing projects?

92. Do they have problems with timing in conversations?

93. Do they have strong attachments to certain favorite objects?

94. Do they have trouble reading clocks?

95. Do they have trouble with authority?

96. Do they have unusual sexual preferences?

97. Do they instinctively become frightened by the sound of a motor-bike?

98. Do they make unusual facial expressions?

99. Do they misjudge how much time has passed when involved in interesting activities?

100. Do they mistake noises for voices?

==> One-on-One Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by ASD

101. Do they mix up digits in numbers like 95 and 59?

102. Do they need lists and schedules in order to get things done?

103. Do they need periods of contemplation?

104. Do they need to do things themselves in order to remember them?

105. Do they not really fit into the expected gender stereotypes?

106. Do they notice patterns in things all the time?

107. Do they often feel out-of-sync with others?

108. Do they often have lots of thoughts that they find hard to verbalize?

109. Do they often not know where to put their arms?

110. Do they or others think they have unconventional ways of solving problems?

111. Do they or others think they have unusual eating habits?

112. Do they pace (e.g. when thinking or anxious)?

113. Do they prefer to do things on their own even if they could use others' help or expertise?

114. Do they prefer to wear the same clothes or eat the same food many days in a row?

115. Do they repeat vocalizations made by others?

116. Do they rock back-&-forth or side-to-side (e.g., for comfort, to calm themselves, when excited or over stimulated)?

117. Do they see their own activities as more important than other people's?

118. Do they sometimes have an urge to jump over things?

119. Do they sometimes lie awake at night because of too many thoughts?

120. Do they sometimes mix up pronouns and, for example, say "they" or "we" when they mean "me" or vice versa?

121. Do they stutter when stressed?

122. Do they suddenly feel distracted by distant sounds?

123. Do they talk to themselves?

124. Do they tap their ears or press their eyes (e.g., when thinking, when stressed or distressed)?

125. Do they tend to become obsessed with a potential partner and cannot let go of him/her?

126. Do they tend to express their feelings in ways that may baffle others?

127. Do they tend to get so absorbed by their special interests that they forget or ignore everything else?

128. Do they tend to interpret things literally?

129. Do they tend to look a lot at people they like and little or not at all at people they dislike?

130. Do they tend to notice details that others do not?

==> One-on-One Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by ASD

131. Do they tend to say things that are considered socially inappropriate when they are tired, frustrated or when they act naturally?

132. Do they tend to shut down or have a meltdown when stressed or overwhelmed?

133. Do they tend to talk either too softly or too loudly?

134. Do they wring their hands, rub their hands together or twirl their fingers?

135. Does it feel vitally important to be left undisturbed when focusing on their special interests?

136. Has it been harder for them than for others to keep friends?

137. Has it been harder for them to make it on their own than it seems to be for most others of the same age?

138. Have others told them that they have an odd posture or gait?

139. Have they been accused of staring?

140. Have they been bullied, abused or taken advantage of?

141. Have they been fascinated about making traps?

142. Have they had long-lasting urges to take revenge?

143. Have they taken initiative only to find out it was not wanted?

144. If there is an interruption, is it difficult for them to quickly return to what they were doing before?

145. In a conversation, do they tend to focus on their own thoughts rather than on what their listener might be thinking?

146. In conversations, do they need extra time to carefully think out their reply, thus there may be a pause before they answer?

147. In conversations, do they use small sounds that others don't seem to use?

148. Is it hard for them to see why some things upset people so much?

149. Is their sense of humor different from mainstream or considered odd?

150. Is their sense of humor somewhat unconventional?

Resources for Neurodiverse Couples:

==> Online Group Therapy for Men with ASD

==> Online Group Therapy for NT Wives

==> Living with ASD: eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples 

==> One-on-One Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by ASD

==> Online Group Therapy for Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Cassandra Syndrome Recovery for NT Wives

==> ASD Men's MasterClass: Social-Skills Training and Emotional-Literacy Development

Self-Test: Do I Have Autism Spectrum Disorder?

Question

Our son was recently diagnosed with ASD, and now my wife and I think that I may be on the spectrum too - but we're not sure. Is there a self-test that I can take to see whether or not I have it without going to a doctor for a formal diagnosis?

Answer

If you answer “true” to most of the statements below, then you probably have ASD [level one]. However, this self-test should not be viewed as a ‘diagnostic tool’ per say.

True or False:

1. As a child, I didn’t enjoy playing games involving pretending with other children. T or F

2. Friends don’t talk to me about their problems because they find that I don’t understand them. T or F

3. Friendships and relationships are just too difficult, so I tend not to bother with them. T or F

4. I can’t figure out what another person might want to talk about. T or F

5. I can’t sense if I’m intruding, even if the other person tells me. T or F

6. I can’t tell if someone else is interested or bored with what I am saying. T or F

7. I can’t tell if someone else wants to enter a conversation. T or F

8. I can’t tell if someone is masking their true emotion. T or F

9. I can’t tune into how someone else feels. T or F

10. I can't always see why someone should have felt offended by a remark. T or F

11. I can't relax until I have done everything I had planned to do that day. T or F

12. I consciously work out the rules of social situations. T or F

13. I don’t enjoy being the center of attention at any social gathering. T or F

14. I don’t enjoy caring for other people. T or F

15. I don’t enjoy doing things spontaneously. T or F

==> Online Group Therapy for Men with ASD

16. I don’t enjoy meeting new people. T or F

17. I don’t enjoy social chit-chat. T or F

18. I don’t enjoy social occasions. T or F

19. I don’t know how to tell if someone listening to me is getting bored. T or F

20. I don’t like to do things on the spur of the moment. T or F

21. I don’t try to keep up with the current trends and fashions. T or F

22. I don’t usually get upset if I see people suffering on news programs. T or F

23. I don't like to take risks. T or F

24. I don't particularly enjoy reading fiction. T or F

25. I find it difficult to ‘‘read between the lines'' when someone is talking to me. T or F

26. I find it difficult to do more than one thing at once. T or F

27. I find it difficult to imagine what it would be like to be someone else. T or F

28. I find it difficult to put myself in somebody else's shoes. T or F

29. I find it difficult to work out people's intentions. T or F

30. I find it difficult to work out what someone is thinking or feeling just by looking at their face. T or F

==> Online Group Therapy for NT Wives

31. I find it hard to know what to do in a social situation. T or F

32. I find it hard to make new friends. T or F

33. I find it very difficult to play games with children that involve pretending. T or F

34. I find making up stories difficult. T or F

35. I find myself drawn more strongly to things than to people. T or F

36. I find social situations difficult. T or F

37. I frequently find that I don't know how to keep a conversation going. T or F

38. I frequently get so strongly absorbed in one thing that I lose sight of other things. T or F

39. I like to be very organized in day to day life and often make lists of the chores I have to do. T or F

40. I like to collect information about categories of things (e.g. types of car, types of bird, types of train, types of plant, etc.). T or F

41. I like to plan any activities I participate in carefully. T or F

42. I notice patterns in things all the time. T or F

43. I often find it difficult to judge if something is rude or polite. T or F

44. I often notice small sounds when others do not. T or F

45. I prefer animals to humans. T or F

==> Living with ASD: eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples 

46. I prefer practical jokes to verbal humor. T or F

47. I prefer to do things on my own rather than with others. T or F

48. I prefer to do things the same way over and over again. T or F

49. I tend not to get emotionally involved with a friend's problems. T or F

50. I tend to find social situations confusing. T or F

51. I tend to have very strong interests which I get upset about if I can't pursue. T or F

52. I tend to have very strong opinions about morality. T or F

53. I tend to notice details that others do not. T or F

54. I try to solve my own problems rather than discussing them with others. T or F

55. I usually concentrate more on the small details rather than the whole picture. T or F

56. I usually don’t appreciate the other person's viewpoint, even if I agree with it. T or F

57. I usually notice car number plates or similar strings of information. T or F

58. I usually notice small changes in a situation, or a person's appearance. T or F

59. I usually stay emotionally detached when watching a film. T or F

60. I would be too nervous to go on a big rollercoaster. T or F

==> Living with ASD: eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples 

61. I would never break a law, no matter how minor. T or F

62. I would rather go to a library than a party. T or F

63. I would rather go to the museum than a theater. T or F

64. I’m able to make decisions without being influenced by people's feelings. T or F

65. I’m fascinated by dates. T or F

66. I’m fascinated by numbers. T or F

67. I’m not good at predicting how someone will feel. T or F

68. I’m not good at predicting what someone will do. T or F

69. I’m not good at social chit-chat. T or F

70. I’m not a good diplomat. T or F

71. I’m often the last to understand the point of a joke. T or F

72. I’m very blunt, which some people take to be rudeness, even though this is unintentional. T or F

73. If I say something that someone else is offended by, I think that that's their problem, not mine. T or F

74. If I see a stranger in a group, I think that it is up to them to make an effort to join in. T or F

75. If I try to imagine something, I find it very difficult to create a picture in my mind. T or F

==> Online Group Therapy for Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder

76. If my wife asked me if I liked her dress, I would reply truthfully, even if I didn't like it. T or F

77. If someone says one thing but means another, I don’t get it. T or F

78. If there is an interruption, I can’t switch back to what I was doing very quickly. T or F

79. In a conversation, I tend to focus on my own thoughts rather than on what my listener might be thinking. T or F

80. In a social group, I can’t keep track of several different conversations at once. T or F

81. It doesn’t really upset me too much to see an animal in pain. T or F

82. It doesn't bother me too much if I’m late meeting a friend. T or F

83. It’s hard for me to see why some things upset people so much. T or F

84. It upsets me if my daily routine is disturbed. T or F

85. It’s hard for me to spot when someone in a group is feeling awkward or uncomfortable. T or F

86. New situations make me anxious. T or F

87. Other people frequently tell me that what I've said is impolite, even though I think it is polite. T or F

88. Other people often say that I’m insensitive, though I don't always see why. T or F

89. Other people tell me I’m not very good at understanding how they are feeling and what they are thinking. T or F

==> Online Group Therapy for Men with ASD

90. People often tell me that I’m very predictable. T or F

91. People often tell me that I keep going on and on about the same thing. T or F

92. People often tell me that I went too far in driving my point home in a discussion. T or F

93. People sometimes tell me that I have gone too far with teasing. T or F

94. Seeing people cry doesn't really upset me. T or F

95. When I talk on the phone, I'm not sure when it is my turn to speak. T or F

96. When I talk to people, I tend to talk about my experiences rather than theirs. T or F

97. When I talk, it isn't easy for others to get a word in edgeways. T or F

98. When I was a child, I enjoyed cutting up worms to see what would happen. T or F

99. When I'm reading a story, I find it difficult to work out the characters' intentions. T or F

100. When reading a story, it’s hard for me to imagine what the characters may look like. T or F

Resources for Neurodiverse Couples:

==> Online Group Therapy for Men with ASD

==> Online Group Therapy for NT Wives

==> Living with ASD: eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples 

==> Online Group Therapy for Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Cassandra Syndrome Recovery for NT Wives

==> ASD Men's MasterClass: Social-Skills Training and Emotional-Literacy Development

Best comment:

It was recently brought to my attention that I may have Aspergers. It was actually a woman who has it that commented to me. Ive spent my life in and out of counselling, filled a million psych tests out and been labeled with about 8 different mental illnesses, non of which rang fully true. I have struggled to 'thrive' and have a bad social and relationship track record. Im a single mother also. Im not dumb by any means and have always excelled when I want to. I was at a University level of reading and comprehension by the age of 12. I can miss a lot of classes and still pass my exams, the results always had me pegged as cheating. I think you need friends to help you cheat and that I lacked. I also dont think that having a higher IQ should be punished, its not my fault that others cant figure out things and take initive to find the answers. 

I gave up with second level education and educate myself through books and anything I can. I consistanly get told Im lying or making up stuff. A wonderful counseller I found pointed out it was my lack of eye contact and the lack of emotion used when discussing things. An example she gave was that I had the same voice and facial expression recanting a truly awful experience as I did for recanting a general experience. Needless to say that when this lady Im friends with pointed out Aspergers and I started reading into it I was not only amazed but felt like I finally 'get it' as so many things about it were bang on. 

Now, Ive been paying attention and reading more and more. I have a child. Shes now 18, almost 19. Its safe to say that if I have Aspergers there were certain behaviors in my child I would totally have missed as not normal because for me it would have seemed perfectly normal. Im not sure if shes Aspergers or not but Im betting she is. A few key differences in us are: she would never ever express her needs. She would never say she was hungry, sleepy, hot/cold etc. It would just be a melt down and I was always stuck trying to figure out what she needed. It took her 16yrs to finally be able to say "Im getting hungry and its making me cranky". She only does this about 50% of the time but thats progress. She has a bad habit of filling her clothing drawers with weird stuff. One drawer is ALWAYS full of garbage, papers and crayons..even at 18. 

She refuses to dress 'normal', and struggles in school. The hardest thing with her is the temper tantrums and violent lashing out. The biggest struggle Ive always faced with her was that temper and refusal to behave or accept consequences. When shes not raging shes a wonderful bubbly creative and sweet girl full of love and caring. Trust me, we've done all the avenues of counselling. It all failed due to lack of intelligence and commitment from professionals, to refusal from my child and my inability to stay consistant. Since my child turned 14 and started smoking pot our head butting has intesified. It has gotten so bad that police have been called, a good portion of my belongings have been destroyed and we've gotten into scraps worthy of bar brawls. Im not the best person for keeping my cool when attacked and when cornered and attacked..I refuse to be taken out. 

She finally moved out at 17 stating Im a horrible parent who doesnt understand her and I purposly enrage her by making her 'do things'. To her that is everything as shes very defiant about being told to do anything..its her way or nothing, unless of course you are a bad influence, teacher or employer. I let her leave with mixed feelings. I was so utterly thankful for the peace and quiet and yet I mourned losing my only baby to the streets. Now shes living with my mother and treating my mother the same as she treated me the last 4 yrs. My mother is now at wits end dealing with the behavioral issues. 

Ive read your article online about this program you offer for the anger melt downs. My question is...how is one potential Aspergers supposed to correct another? Is this set up so I can actually follow it and manage correcting my child? I learned to control my anger, Im very happy now sitting on the wonderful flat line of emotions. I do not like going up or down. Engaging with my child makes me frustrated and angry pretty quick and all that anger control goes out the window when it comes to her and her anger. I can manage being verbally attacked by all kinds of people and keep it under control but my girl brings it out almost instantly. 

I really try to avoid her now that Ive relished in the tranquillity of her moving out. I love my child and I desperatly want to see her succeed and over come her anger melt downs as well as regain the loving relationship we used to have before she became a teenager. How can I do this though if I cant handle being the adult and manage my own behaviors? Is your program adaptable? I would bring both of us back into counselling just to get the magic label but thats a dead horse Im afraid. Ive decided to manage this on my own. Part of helping my child is realising where I lack and how I can better present myself to eliminate any miscommunications and potenial melt downs. 

Do I need to ignore her needs till I master this on my own or is it easy enough and set up accordingly that I can walk both lines...get myself functioning better so Im not alienated as well as help her mellow out and open her ears so she can move forward. I would love any advice and would love to hear your point of vew on this matter. Its been a long long battle for myself as well as for my child. Im really quite tired of being left out in the cold for how I operate and for helping my child. Most of the close family has already turned their backs on us. That alone has defeated my child, and its driven me to more and more hermit type of behaviors. Im tired, it makes my head hurt always trying to manage everyone and their crap.