Aspergers Teens and Dating

Because of complications in "reading" body language and cues, Aspergers (high functioning autistic) teens have a very hard time in negotiating the intricate art of social interaction.

This is not an unattainable thing, and just about everyone has learned to do this, but Aspergers teens and young adults need to learn it. People without Aspergers need to learn the same things, but the extra challenges that Aspies have make it more challenging for them to "get started".

This is similar to driving -- once you get a beginning level of expertise, you will learn regardless of what your native aptitude for driving is. One distinction -- in relationships, there's hardly any public transportation.

Do anything you can to facilitate getting started with dating or other romantic relationship socialization. This is the threshold to cross.

Dating or building relationships is really a threshold issue for Aspies to the extent that they can be divided into two groups -- those who date (or are otherwise involved) and those who don't. This is stereotypically in the form of "dating" but the actual form of meeting and activity can be varied.

I've come across reports that fewer than 10% of teens with Aspergers are successful in their ability to attain good relationships. I do not think that is really the case simply because:

• A few significant number of Aspergers teens who have done wonderfully at relationships.
• You will find numerous historical reports of excellent relationships involving teens with Aspergers.
• The assessment was most likely based on a determination that matrimony is the only legitimate form of a successful relationship. (This is in addition to a substantial number of apparently successful Aspergers partnerships.)
• That conclusion was made before Aspergers was commonly diagnosed. Diagnosis is essential to self-understanding, particularly for teens with Aspergers.

If you divide Aspergers teens based on whether or not they have crossed the "dating" threshold, the probability of success in relationships increases considerably when you have started to date (or the equivalent). Then consider the effect of diagnosis, which is important with Aspergers -- instead of being "odd" the individual knows he/she has Aspergers. With knowledge of Aspergers comes a much greater propensity to engage individuals who enjoy the company of somebody with Aspergers features.

These changes make it an easy task to approach the “non-Aspergers” level of 50% marriage rate of success. If a person considers non-marriage relationships, chances are that individuals with Aspergers will begin to have a similar degree of success in life relationships as everyone else.

On a more basic level, once an Aspie crosses the threshold of dating, he/she will improve their knowledge and ability in handling relationships. Often they become particularly social.

For many young adults, dating and finding a romantic partner are important goals, and this is true for those with Aspergers as well as those without. But often, those with Aspergers may have gotten off to a slower start on dating. The high school social scene, when many non-Aspergers teenagers first start dating, can be horribly complex and not open to anyone who doesn’t fit into the popular crowd’s most narrow definition of acceptable behavior. High school teens with Aspergers may be quirky, or dealing with bullies, or just not ready to enter into an activity that is so socially complex.

Then, after high school, it can be even more difficult because it seems like the rest of the world is so much more experienced with dating. The older you get without dating, the tougher it may seem to get started. But, the good news is: if you want to start dating, it’s never too late to begin.

Below are some tips for how to start dating, even if you’re no longer anywhere close to high school age:

Dating Tips for Aspergers Teens and Young Adults—

Needless to say, the first step in starting to date is to discover a date. This is really probably easier than you may envision. Keep in mind that you’re looking for a date, not a husband or wife. So you can be satisfied with an individual you enjoy conversing with or spending some time with, this does not need to be that perfect ‘one’ individual. Consider broadening your ideal criteria. You may imagine yourself only involved with an exceptionally appealing, or brilliant, or successful person. But, if you are only setting up a date here, you are able to relax your standards. Lots of people whom you’d never consider marrying can be lot of fun to talk to on a date. You never know, you may even alter your standards.

Meeting individuals gets easier all the time. If you struggle in more unstructured settings, like book stores and coffee houses, it’s fine to visit practical meeting places, such things as speed dating or the World Wide Web. There, there is no doubt that the individuals you’re meeting want to meet others. If you are unskilled with dating, it may be best to avoid asking out coworkers, neighbors or people you’ll continue to see a lot of after the date. Misread social cues can mean a long-term awkwardness with people you have to interact with well after the date.

Obviously, safety is paramount. It you are a person who struggles with reading social signals, assume that you might have difficulties in determining if situations are risk-free. Have your date in a public, well lit place, be sure you bring a cell phone and a buddy knows where you are. Do not share your address or too many personal details. Plan ahead of time about how long the date is going to be, and then stay with that plan. You do not want to get overly enthusiastic with a charming stranger. Lastly, and most crucial, trust your intuition. Pay attention to gut feelings if something seems off.

Your first dating encounters will likely be somewhat uncomfortable. Loosen up …this does not need to be a long term relationship. See if you're able to consider this date as a way to get more exposure to dating. It's not necessary to share your lack of dating experience with the individual you’re communicating with, just keep it light. Discuss stuff you have in common, and then try to learn general things about your date, such things as where they are from, what they like about the place they are currently living, intriguing hobbies and interests. Additionally …plan on keeping it short. An afternoon coffee date will be a lot less stress than a full night of dinner and a movie. If it’s simpler, consider setting your first date up as an activity, like visiting an art gallery, going for a hike, going to the beach. These pursuits can also take a lot of pressure off carrying on a prolonged discussion.

Lastly, attempt to have some fun! Dating could possibly be the way to meet a husband or wife, or discover the woman of your dreams. But it is also a pleasing way to interact with someone else, and enjoy a Sunday afternoon.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

The Difference Between ADHD and Aspergers/HFA

The differences between Aspergers (or HFA) and ADHD are subtle yet distinct. Knowing how to differentiate between the two is important for moms and dads and therapists.

ADHD and Aspergers, also called High-Functioning Autism (HFA), have many similarities on the surface. Both can involve inattentiveness and problem behaviors. In fact, kids on the autism spectrum are often diagnosed with ADHD prior to an autism diagnosis. However, the two disorders are not the same. It is important for therapists to be able to make a thorough differential diagnosis between ADHD and Aspergers/HFA. It is also important for moms and dads to be able to tell the difference in their own kids who have both diagnoses.

Communication—

By definition, Aspergers/HFA does not include any significant delay in language (as opposed to autism). However, people on the autism spectrun do tend to have distinct differences in how they use language and tend to have language weaknesses that are not typically found in kids with average intelligence who have ADHD alone.

People with Aspergers and HFA tend to have weaknesses in their understanding of non-literal language, such as slang or implied meanings. They also tend to be more verbose and to have more one-sided conversations that are driven by their own topics of interest. They have a harder time taking turns in conversations or talking about a topic of interest to someone else. People with Aspergers and HFA also sometimes display less inflection in their voice.

In contrast, people with ADHD may have interests that they love to talk about and they may love to talk, but their conversations are more reciprocal. They can take conversational turns and they can switch topics to accommodate others' interests more easily. People with ADHD also do not tend to have specific weaknesses in their understanding of and use of non-literal language and speak with normal tone of voice and inflection.

Socialization Differences—

People with Aspergers and HFA tend to have difficulty interpreting non-verbal communication and the more subtle nuances of social situations. For example, they may not easily distinguish between behaviors that may be appropriate in one setting and not in another or they may have difficulty interpreting facial expressions or posturing of others. In contrast, people with ADHD may be distracted and not pay as much attention to those things, but they do understand and interpret them appropriately.

While people with ADHD may be more impulsive and less observant of others' needs, resulting in more misbehaviors, they can easily consider others' perspectives and they easily participate in more reciprocal, or two-sided, social interactions. In contrast, people with Aspergers and HFA tend to be more eccentric and one-sided in their approach to others. It is not that they are indifferent to others but that they really have a harder time considering the perspective of others.

Language and social difficulties for kids on the autism spectrum tend to result in avoidance of many social situations. They have a lot of problems and often do not understand why. Many social situations become way too stressful, especially with peers, and they may prefer adults. Specifically, teaching social skills to these young people is often necessary. Kids with ADHD may have peer conflicts because of behavioral difficulties; however, they are more socially driven.

Sensory Differences—

All individuals tend to have preferred topics of interests or activities. However, for people with Aspergers and HFA, those things can often be all encompassing and get in the way of more functional routines. Their preferred topics or activities also tend to have a sensory seeking quality to them (often visual or tactile) and include repetition. They may also be overly sensitive to things like sound and they may tend to get easily overloaded with sensory input.

Kids with ADHD often respond better to experiences that are highly stimulating. That is why they can sit for hours playing a video game, while attending to schoolwork may be very difficult. However, they tend to process sensory input in a typical manner. People with ADHD do not necessarily seek out sensory experiences in a repetitive or eccentric manner.

Aspergers/HFA versus ADHD—

Aspergers and HFA include many social, communication, and sensory difficulties that are distinct from ADHD. While the two disorders can result in behavioral and social difficulties, it is important for parents and essential for therapists to look beneath the surface and distinguish between them. Evaluations that appropriately differentiate between Aspergers/HFA and ADHD can lead to the most appropriate interventions for kids.

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book


==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said... For some it can be. For others, its like they medication acts differently with there systems. We have one of each. For my daughter, it was cinstant irritability and 3-4x a day meltdowns.
•    Anonymous said... I have 2 diagnosed with aspergers and ADHD. I do wonder sometimes if my son has both diagnosis because of his aspergers. He is inattentive but yet her know everything that is going on around him and even if he appears to not be paying attention he still hears everything that you say. I think that they lack of eye contact and the slow response time makes it appear that he is not paying attention. My daughter on the other hand has most if not all classic ADHD symptoms along with several communication issues.
•    Anonymous said... Interesting... We have HFA, Asperger and possibly ADHD. The speech delay was pronounced, and now the physical attributes of speech making difficulties are present. Nevertheless, the IQ of 120 and very superior level of comprehension and other parts of language arts. Soooo... How all this is possible then?
•    Anonymous said... Just want to point out this. I know they have changed the dignosis, as in Aspergers no longer exists, but one reason I dislike this is because aspergers and HFA are not exactly the same. The difference is, when young, those with HFA have had a language delay, as my 9 year old did. (has HFA diagnosis), And aspies didn't, my eldest son, (diagnosis of aspergers), was saying a handful of words at 6 months, was making small sentances by 9 months, and by 12 months you could have a back and forth conversation. I never knew till he was diagnosed just over 2 years ago, that early and advanced speech can also be a sign of aspergers. By definition, Aspergers does not include any significant delay in language (as opposed to autism). However, people with Aspergers do tend to have distinct differences in how they use language and tend to have language weaknesses that are not typically found in kids with average intelligence who have ADHD alone.. Anyone reading and not knowing very much, (just learning about this), may think their child probably doesn't have HFA, if they have a language delay, because it being said that Aspergers is often called HFA, not realising there are differences between the two, when children are very young. Just wanting to point this out, because I know when the younger of my sons was a toddler, I did think possibley autism, but so much of what I read was confusing...had I known then what I know now, he could have been diagnosed by 12 months, rather than 4 years.
•    Anonymous said... Many kids have Aspergers and ADHD like my daughter. The symptoms can present the same in many cases. You treat the symptoms not the disorder.
•    Anonymous said... One of each in our boys, both very mild, luckily. But it's interesting how it's easier to distinguish when they're right next to each other. More difficult if there's just one around to gauge.
•    Anonymous said... We have found that there is some relief from the ADHD type symptoms in our ASD son with medication, I don't know if it's that way for everyone though.
• Amie Putnam said...I have two sons with both ASD and ADHD and a son not on the spectrum with ADHD and anxiety. The latter carried a mistaken ASD diagnosis for nearly 5 years because his symptoms really did look like autism sometimes...but we would notice he never missed social cues, could easily interpret meaning in facial expression, tone of voice, body language...in fact he frequently would "translate" for his brothers when they just didn't get it at all. That was my first big clue that he had been misdiagnosed. We took him to a psychologist last summer who clarified his diagnosis and he does not have ASD. As the article explained, sometimes his behaviors do look the same but the root cause is different. For example, he often does not do well with back and forth conversations, but he knows how and gets that he should, he is just distracted or anxious he will say something dumb. With my aspies, they will talk all day and never stop to think if the person they are talking to is even interested! One last thing, for those of us whose kids have both, I think it is still helpful to figure out which is causing which. Now that my oldest is 19 and he has learned mostly how to read social cues (he has both ASD/ADHD) I have noticed that most of his behavior problems seem to stem from the ADHD side...impulse control, etc and not from the other which is good because there are really good treatment options for ADHD.
• Anonymous said... ADHD symptoms and Anxiety are symptoms of Asperger's. The degrees may vary but it's important for people to understand that the root cause is neurological, not psychological
• Anonymous said... My daughter has both along with anxiety disorder
• Anonymous said... Oh, how I wish I could hand this article to everyone who thinks my child is "bad" and, by extension, thinks I'm a "bad" parent. I just want to tell them sometimes: "Welcome to my world. Don't judge my child or our family until you've lived our lives."
• Anonymous said...I had to share something along the same lines ADHD/Aspergers with the school my son was attending, and I felt their eyes glaze over, like they were saying "speak to the hand". Some times I feel the schools are so closed minded because they are familiar with ADHD and Aspergers is so "new" and they have their hands so full that they wont take the time to learn about Aspergers/autism.
• Anonymous said...It is especially painful when your own partner do not see what you know about your ADHD child and it makes especially difficult when he takes the sides of close minded teacher and blame the kid for being rude and undiscipline and blaming MOM for spoiling the kid. This whole thing is so painful!!!
• Anonymous said...my son is dxed Aspie, ADD/ADHD, and OCD. However, he is highly functional and verbal. He LOVES his friends, but struggles to reciprocate. He would rather be with kids his own age, but he wants them to do what HE wants to do and doesn't understand why he can't always play HIS games.
• Anonymous said...Oh, how I wish I could hand this article to everyone who thinks my child is "bad" and, by extension, thinks I'm a "bad" parent. I just want to tell them sometimes: "Welcome to my world. Don't judge my child or our family until you've lived our lives." You nailed it---thats EXACTLY how I feel :(
• Christina Steltz said....What treatment options worked for your son...mines 8 and he had a brain injury at 5 months...also he kept getting pink eye...over and over...found out it was coming from the sand box. I would really like to know the cause of my son's pro less before I go putting the meds in his brain. But then again I want to help my son asap. This is so hard...I feel for everyone who has to go through this.
• So true I'm going through same thing with my daughter
• Tiffany Smith said...We are in same situation they are trying to figure out what all going on its ADHD and aspegers at the moment not sure on the other autism just yet just waiting on more test and stuff.
• Unknown said...I live overseas I have a son who dud not want to breastfeed , he would cry like crazy. Later he did not crowl and when he walked he walked on tip toes. He never investigated his world through his mouth like mist babies. Feeding was tough especialky passing from mashed foods to whole. Still is does not like specific tectures. Interactions with other kids was hard I had always to introduce him myself. Has anxiety , some fears and starting to be hostile to me ( mother) was diagnosed with ADHD with depression and low self asteem. I also have ADHD that makes it hard. I am wondering if he has Aspergers. My peditrician did not refuse the option....I am confused. Are sensory and social problems a reason? Also he still at 8 now does not want to wipe himself and is slow in personal care. Has sense of humor and good in athletics but not in team sports.
• Unknown said...my son is dxed Aspie, ADD/ADHD, and OCD.However, he is highly functional and verbal. He LOVES his friends, but struggles to reciprocate. He would rather be with kids his own age, but he wants them to do what HE wants to do and doesn't understand why he can't always play HIS games.My son is at the beginning of the diagnosing process (for ADHD and AS) and he is the same which makes some of the people we see try and tell me that he is normal and just naughty, that he needs to think about others and that he can't have it all his way all of the time, needs to share, etc. If anything goes wrong, he is the first to be blamed .

Post your comment below...

Aspergers Teens and Alcohol Abuse

This post exposes the unexplored problem of teens with Aspergers (high functioning autism) using alcohol as a coping mechanism to deal with everyday life.

Alcohol can relieve the anxiety of social situations and make those with Aspergers feel as though they can fit in. However, reliance on alcohol can lead the teenager down a path of self-destruction and exacerbate existing problems. For many teens with Aspergers, a strategy which begins as a simple coping behavior becomes an addiction.

Aspergers teens drink alcohol for a variety of reasons:

• forget reality
• temporarily alleviate worry
• temporarily improve self-esteem
• to change their mood
• to deal with social anxiety
• to feel carefree and brave
• to feel less afraid
• to gain acceptance

Environments which are too stressful are typically avoided by teens with Aspergers (e.g., where sensory input is too high to manage). If avoidance is not possible, coping strategies are put in place to cope with anxiety. The school environment is not always a protected environment in terms of avoiding anxiety, and teens with Aspergers are conscious of this, and this is where alcohol drinking often starts.

Alcohol will affect cognitive processing and can cause damage to the frontal lobe due to its toxicity. When under the influence of drink, it becomes harder to read facial expressions for example, thus the negative effects of alcohol on Aspergers may be more pronounced. Other emotional, non-verbal behavior may also be impaired such as processing social information. These effects are another reason why being fully aware of the effects of excess alcohol is useful from an Aspergers perspective.

The “co-existence of alcohol problems and mental health are very common” in general. Many teens “self medicate” their mental health problems using alcohol, and studies suggest that social phobia is an important factor in the development of alcoholism in general.

Though alcoholism applies to many teens outside the spectrum (e.g., to manage the anxiety associated with social situations), the greater difficulties experienced in this area by those with Aspergers means that the subsequent higher anxiety levels lead many to experience social anxiety disorder. As a result, teens with Asperger have an above average chance of developing alcoholism.

There are many signs that may indicate an increasing reliance on alcohol:

• drinking in secret and continuing to do so even after it has caused significant problems
• ensuring that it is always readily available
• excessive consumption
• genuine difficulty in coping without alcohol for any length of time
• irritability
• short temper
• using alcohol as a casual relaxant and social lubricant

The research linking alcoholism to Aspergers is still growing. There are teens out there who don’t know they have Aspergers, but they also have a hard time acknowledging the fact that they abuse alcohol. A correct diagnosis for a teenager is a critical first step in understanding his condition and maintaining good long term health care.

Often with someone who has Aspergers, the initial problem starts when they are young. This is a condition that, as a child growing up, they are most often singled-out as being very different. As a result of this difference, most young people are treated with taunts, bullying, and other forms of mistreatment. This makes a teenager with Aspergers often feel bad and look for ways to cope with day-to-day life.

When a teenager with Aspergers gets to the point where they are struggling to go through each day, it can be an easy choice to turn to alcohol. Alcohol is easily available, and most teens do see it as an acceptable thing to do. That makes alcohol an easy item to choose if someone with Aspergers were looking at a way to get relief.

What Parents Can Do to Help—

1. Be open-minded to the fact that an adolescent with Aspergers may not have many friends, but he can get along with a few. Somehow being with numerous friends overwhelms an adolescent with Aspergers because he lacks the ability to associate with different personalities.

2. Converse with him when he gets home from school. While he relaxes, serve him snack and ask him about his lessons, teachers and classmates. Test him if he knows the names of his classmates. If he fails to mention their names, explain to him that he should know them because that is how it is in school – classmates should know each other.

3. Know his classmates. Go out of your way and find out who his classmates are. Try to spark his interest by telling amusing anecdotes about his classmates. Do this on regular basis until such time that the youngster’s curiosity is elicited.

4. Monitor the youngster’s performance in school. Find out his inclinations and encourage him to participate in activities that interest him. If he is good in math, make him join Math Club. If he is good at playing chess, enlist him with the Chess Club. He may refuse at first but what is important is you push him, though not necessarily force him. If it does not work, or if he is not ready to get into such associations, leave him alone in the meantime and wait for a better chance.

5. Realize that a teen with Aspergers is not mentally handicapped. On the contrary, they are mostly intellectually endowed, only that they encounter hardships in understanding the concept of social relationships. They do not have many friends and are often looked upon as anti-social as they refuse to mingle with classmates and friends.

6. Talk to his teachers about his condition. Ask them to include him in various classroom activities and to pair him off with buddies in doing class projects.

7. Understand that Aspergers is a disorder that occurs to a youngster who is going through the growth process in the physical, emotional and psychological aspects. Teens are mostly the ones who are inflicted with this disorder as they grapple to learn social skills.

Often, the way someone with Aspergers will find their way out of a problem with alcohol is the same way someone without Aspergers finds their way out of their drinking problem. It is done first by recognizing they have a problem with alcohol and next by seeking help in stopping their abuse. This can be help from friends and family, or it can include help and assistance by a program tailored specifically for that need.

If you think someone you know might have Aspergers or an alcohol problem, or both, there are many local agencies’ that offer help and assistance or can direct you to someone who can help. Don’t let someone you know suffer needlessly.

Aspergers in an adolescent is not as bad as it seems. The youngster can improve and develop his social skills in time. You just have to be patient and gentle with him. However if you think the youngster’s condition requires professional help, seek the counsel of a Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist.

When seeking assistance, it is important to try and identify a professional who is aware of the characteristics of Aspergers and the overlap between it and alcohol.

My Aspergers Teen: Discipline for Defiant Aspergers Teens

Behavior Contracts for Aspergers Children

A behavior contract is an agreement between the child and parent. It is a written agreement about how the child will behave and will indicate the appropriate consequence should the child neglect to behave according to the contract. It also states the reinforcer to be used for successful compliance. The behavior contract provides the Aspergers (high functioning autistic) child with structure and self-management.

Developing the Contract—

The contract should be written with the child and parent (i.e., collaboration). Here are some points to consider:

• Consequences and reinforcers need to be thought out clearly.
• Contracts should name specific behaviors to be changed.
• Define who and how the behavior will be monitored (e.g., parent’s initials, stickers, check mark system, etc.).
• Focus only on 1 or 2 behaviors at a time.
• How will the child receive a reward? (e.g., receive an extra hour of computer-time).
• What is the consequence should the child not adhere to the behavior described in the contract?
• Involve the child in the writing of the contract; ask him to make suggestions for reinforcement and consequence for failure to comply.
• Sate the goal (e.g., will not speak out rudely, will keep hands to him/herself, will remain on task, etc.).
• Set a date for reviewing the contract.
• Time should be clearly stated in the contract; choose a half day, a full day, a week, etc.
• You can include tangible reinforcers, social or activity-based reinforcers, curtailment of an activity, tokens that can be cashed in for a specific activity, etc.

Some Successful Reinforcers/Rewards—

o 5-10 Minute Free Choice Activity

o Free Computer Time

o Helping Mother with Cooking

o Invite Friend Over

o Listen to Favorite Music

o Watching Favorite Movie

A little patience goes a long way. It is critical for the child to know that you like him and that you're only disappointed in his behavior. Be sure to let him know that you share this goals, you both want what's best for him.

Praise goes a long way. I have been working with special education (behavioral) children for a long time, and these strategies have never failed me yet!

A minor problem with behavior contracts is that the focus is on controlling a child's behavior rather than helping him to make wise choices. Keep this in mind when developing behavior contracts.

Behavior contracts don't often work immediately. Be patient and consistent and you WILL see results. Know when it's time to review and revise. When the contract is not working well, be sure to include the child when making revisions.

Here is a sample behavior contract for Aspergers children:

Child: Grade: Date: Members Present: Describe Inappropriate Behaviors Observed (Physical, Verbal, Other) ___________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________   Describe What precedes the Inappropriate Behaviors: ___________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________     Target 1 or 2 Behaviors to be Modified ___________________________________________________________________ Describe Unsuccessful Intervention Approaches: ___________________________________________________________________ Brainstorm a List of Potential Successful Approaches: ___________________________________________________________________ Describe the New Behavior Goals – Include consequences and reinforcers ___________________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________________ Date For Review:

 

==> Click here for more behavior contracts...

Best and Worst Jobs for Aspergers Adults

Approximately 80% of grown-ups with Aspergers and High Functioning Autism (HFA) do not have full-time jobs – not because they can’t do the work, but because they often have difficulty being socially acceptable while they get the work done.

Bad Jobs for Individuals with Aspergers—

• Air traffic controller -- Information overload
• Airline ticket agent -- Deal with mad individuals when flights are cancelled
• Cashier -- making change quickly puts too much demand on short-term working memory
• Casino dealer -- Too many things to keep track of
• Futures market trader -- Totally impossible
• Receptionist and telephone operator -- Would have problems when the switch board got busy
• Short order cook -- Have to keep track of many orders and cook many different things at the same time
• Taking oral dictation -- Difficult due to auditory processing problems
• Taxi dispatcher -- Too many things to keep track of
• Waitress -- Especially difficult if have to keep track of many different tables

Good Jobs for Visual Thinkers—

• Animal trainer or veterinary technician -- Dog obedience trainer, behavior problem consultant
• Automobile mechanic -- Can visualize how the entire car works
• Building maintenance -- Fixes broken pipes, windows and other things in an apartment complex, hotel or office building
• Building trades -- These jobs make good use of visual skills but some individuals will not be able to do them well due to motor and coordination problems.
• Commercial art -- Advertising and magazine layout can be done as freelance work
• Computer animation -- Visual thinkers would be very good at this field, but there is more competition in this field than in business or industrial computer programming. 
• Computer programming -- Jobs available especially in industrial automation, software design, business computers, communications and network systems
• Computer-troubleshooter and repair -- Can visualize problems in computers and networks
• Drafting -- Engineering drawings and computer aided drafting. This job can offer many opportunities. Drafting is an excellent portal of entry for many interesting technical jobs.
• Equipment designing -- Many industries, often a person starts as a draftsman and then moves into designing factory equipment
• Factory maintenance -- Repairs and fixes factory equipment
• Handcrafts of many different types such as wood carving, jewelry making, ceramics, etc.
• Laboratory technician -- Who modifies and builds specialized lab equipment
• Photography -- Still and video, TV cameraman can be done as freelance work
• Small appliance and lawnmower repair -- Can make a nice local business
• Video game designer -- Jobs are scarce and the field is overcrowded.
• Web page design -- Find a good niche market can be done as freelance work

Good Jobs for Non-Visual Thinkers—

• Accounting -- Get very good in a specialized field such as income taxes
• Bank Teller -- Very accurate money counting, much less demand on short-term working memory than a busy cashier who mostly makes change quickly
• Clerk and filing jobs -- knows where every file is
• Computer programming -- Less visual types can be done as freelance work
• Copy editor -- Corrects manuscripts. Many individuals freelance for larger publishers
• Engineering -- Electrical, electronic and chemical engineering
• Inventory control -- Keeps track of merchandise stocked in a store
• Journalist -- Very accurate facts, can be done as freelance
• Laboratory technician -- Running laboratory equipment
• Library science -- reference librarian. Help individuals find information in the library or on the Internet.
• Physicist or mathematician -- There are very few jobs in these fields. Only the very brilliant can get and keep jobs.
• Statistician -- Work in many different fields such as research, census bureau, industrial quality control, U.S. Dept. of Agriculture, etc.
• Taxi driver -- Knows where every street is
• Telemarketing -- Get to repeat the same thing over and over, selling on the telephone. Noisy environment may be a problem. In telephone sales, you avoid many social problems.
• Tuning pianos and other musical instruments, can be done as freelance work

Jobs for Nonverbal Individuals with Aspergers—

• Copy shop -- Running photocopies. Printing jobs should be lined up by somebody else.
• Data entry -- If the person has fine motor problems, this would be a bad job
• Factory assembly work -- Especially if the environment is quiet
• Fast food restaurant -- Cleaning and cooking jobs with little demand on short-term memory
• Janitor jobs -- Cleaning floors, toilets, windows and offices
• Lawn and garden work -- Mowing lawns and landscaping work
• Plant care -- Water plants in a large office building
• Recycling plant -- Sorting jobs
• Re-shelving library books -- Can memorize the entire numbering system and shelf locations
• Restocking shelves -- In many types of stores
• Warehouse -- Loading trucks, stacking boxes

Many adults with Aspergers and HFA have a hard time finding jobs now. What will the jobless rate be for that group when — if current statistics are correct — the 1 in 50 children who have Aspergers try to become employed? As it is now, lots of adults with Aspergers are looking for full-time jobs, but their gifts are not recognized.

==> Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples


COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said...  As a spouse of an aspie for 24 years, working together I a business, it becomes terribly demoralising when you are ways wrong and told why. The comment in here about that was liberating to me to realise that it is a trait, not me just being useless.
•    Anonymous said... I believe my father is an undiagnosed Asperger, he dominates conversation, is always right and inflexible, he goes on and on about himself and his current interests..my mom and he have been married 60 years..God bless her soul..but I also will try to keep in mind that he cannot help it..and I shall just listen respectfully..too late for him to get any sort of social therapy.
•    Anonymous said... I was taught to hide the outward behaviors of this disorder. In my mother's defense, they WOULD take kids, put helmets on em on a state home, back then. Thankfully, there's a bit more understanding now. I still struggle with shame and guilt. And it's pretty automatic to mask behaviors. *shrug it's a Spectrum. We are a wide range of supra-normal behaviors
•    Anonymous said... I wish I would've known about my Asperger Syndrome prior to going to college. I would've done something much different.
•    Anonymous said... I'm a teacher. And a bloody good one. And I have Asperger Syndrome. Remember it's a spectrum. Think of teaching as the effective transition of information to achieve the maximum effect (progress).
•    Anonymous said... im studying to be a teacher!!! oh gward...
•    Anonymous said... there are no best and worst jobs. autistics are individuals with a very wide variety of talents, skills and interests. the best job for any one person is not the best job for another. likewise with worst jobs. if anything, the best thing for an autistic to do is to not follow typical expectations and standards and do what works best for him or her.

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Preventing Meltdowns in Students with Aspergers and HFA: Strategies for Teachers

In this post, we will look at strategies to prevent autism-related emotional outbursts in the classroom… 

Children diagnosed with Aspergers (AS) and High-Functioning Autism (HFA) require assistance from educators if they battle with behavior issues in school. Listed here are numerous useful techniques that each teacher ought to know.

AS and HFA may co-exist with other conditions including Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, depressive disorders, and anxiety. But mainly, the disorder has an effect on a youngster’s ability to socialize. These children have a problem recognizing facial expressions, sarcasm, and teasing, and fight to adjust to unanticipated changes in routine. Their passions are usually very narrow, which can limit their capacity to connect with others.

As a result of these challenges, kids on the autism spectrum frequently experience rage, anxiety, depression, and irritation. There are many successful interventions that may be used in the school room to help improve the youngster’s learning experience. These can assist the student in feeling more comfortable and decrease anxiety, paving the way for academic achievement.

1. Create a Plan for Emotional Outbursts— Offer a quiet location for the student that has repeated meltdowns. This may be a trip to the bathroom with a classroom aide, or a visit to the school counselor. A written plan for coping during these times of high anxiety is crucial for an AS or HFA student’s success. Assisting kids on the spectrum inside the school room is an additional challenge for today’s overburdened educators. Nevertheless, with insightful monitoring, parental and professional assistance, and inventive techniques, a love of school and learning is usually fostered in kids with AS and HFA.

2. Make Classroom Rules Clear— Children with AS and HFA thrive on rules, but will frequently disregard them when they're vague or not meaningful. Educators should detail the most crucial school room guidelines and why they exist. An itemized list plainly shown, or a handout of the classroom policies can be quite beneficial.

3. Managing Felt Emotions— Another area by which these kids need practical assistance is in controlling felt emotions. Usually, felt feelings are way too big for the situation. One individual with AS states, “An example in my life is when I discover the grocery store is out of a specific item; I get a visceral reaction very similar to the horror I felt when first hearing about the 9/11 tragedy. I know cognitively the two events have no comparison and, yet, my visceral reaction is present and I need to consciously bring my too big feelings down to something more workable in the immediate situation.”

Managing felt emotions does not come automatically, but can be learned over time with systematic instruction and visual supports.

4. Minimize Surprises in the Classroom— Children on the autism spectrum require organized settings to achieve success. They don't like surprises. Things such as unexpected seating changes or unanticipated adjustments to the routine might lead to anxiousness as well as meltdowns. Educators need to provide sufficient warnings when there is to be a change of plans.

For instance, sending a note home to the moms and dads if a seating change is imminent would be beneficial. A back up plan can be presented to the class in anticipation of schedule changes. When the Friday schedule that usually includes watching an educational film in the afternoon changes if time is short, the teacher should inform the children ahead of time that they will work on free reading or journaling instead, as an example.

5. Promote Supportive Friendships— If it seems suitable, educate the class about the disorder. Create empathy by making children conscious of inappropriate words and bullying behaviors. Emphasize the youngster’s talents in classroom lessons to enable him to discover buddies with common interests. When the student on the spectrum appears to be struggling with relationships, group him during classroom activities with the ones that are more kind and understanding. At recess or lunch time, try assigning a classroom pal that will be loyal and guide the youngster through those more chaotic times.

6. Provide Sensory Support— Many kids with AS and HFA also encounter sensory processing issues. Sensitivity to light, sound, touch, taste, and smells can irritate the youngster, making him more likely to act out or withdraw. Consult the moms and dads to determine what these sensitivities are. Minimizing classroom mayhem, noises, and clutter will be a good start.

If at all possible, get the help of an occupational therapist and try to work sensory breaks into the youngster’s school day. Chores such as returning a load of books to the library or even doing a few jumping jacks in the hallway can go a long way in helping the youngster realign and get back to learning.

7. Sensory Diet— Regrettably, medical science doesn't permit us to take a blood sample to measure sensory dysregulation. However, we can figure out and employ a sensory diet to prevent dysregulation, and just like insulin prevents serious consequences for a diabetic, a sensory diet prevents serious troubles for the child on the spectrum. As one adult with AS states, “I spend time every day on sensory integration activities in order to be able to function well in my everyday life.”

A sensory diet employed proactively goes a long way in preventing the first stage of explosive behavior from ever occurring.

8. Visual Supports— An additional critical area of assistance to put in place proactively is visual supports. As one individual with AS states, “I can tell you the saying ‘A picture is worth a thousand words’ is the monumental truth. Although each person with the disorder has a unique experience, processing written and spoken words is not considered by most of us to be our ‘first language.’ For me, the meaning I get from spoken words can drop out entirely when I am under stress, my sensory system is dysregulated or my felt emotions are too big.”

Visual supports can be anything that shows rather than tells. Visual schedules are very commonly used successfully with many kids on the spectrum. Having a clear way to show beginnings and endings to the activities portrayed on the visual schedule supports smooth changes, therefore keeping a meltdown away. For maximum effectiveness, visual supports need to be in place proactively rather than waiting until behavior unravels to pull them out.

Highly Acclaimed Parenting Programs Offered by Online Parent Support, LLC:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

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Do you need the advice of a professional who specializes in parenting children and teens with Autism Spectrum Disorders?  Sign-up for Online Parent Coaching today.

Comments:

• Anonymous said... I feel your pain my daughter deals with being yelled at for crying nd melting down. I will be giving these out to all who deal with her!
• Anonymous said... I printed this for my son's teacher. He often yells at him and compares him to the other kids. We have a meeting with him today to discuss my son's attitude...
• Anonymous said...I have experienced meltdowns myself, being and individual with AS. I remember some feelings that I had experienced in 6th grade. Whenever my teacher was angry at me, even just the slightest hint that would express any kind of unhappiness because of me, I would feel as though I had just ‘become frozen’, and begin to cry. It became clear to me that she absolutely did not appreciate my behavior, and would draw all attention to me. To this day, I feel like this was not the correct procedure for a meltdown, and that every teacher should know and understand the facts and statements listed in the article above. (Ok, maybe I am currently only in middle school, but I feel that I have made my point.)
• Anonymous said...Is there any way he can go to school and see what this sports Day is goiing to be about before Thursday? Or at least talk tothe teacher and have him/her give you allt he details they possibly can that you can relay to your 9 yr old? I know that knowing ahead of time some of the expectations and what is going to go on helps my son sometimes.
• Anonymous said...Sports day is on Thursday and already my 9 year old Aspergers son is getting really worked up about. I am dreading it as I know it will end in tears and a meltdown again. Any tips on how to handle it or how to tell the school to handle it.
• Anonymous said...Will the school not just let him join in if he wants to or give him a job like helping at the starting lines or making sure he cheers for his classmates. Thats what my son school does - if he wants he takes part if not he gets jobs to do that make him feel important.


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Aspergers and HFA Teens: Learning to Drive a Car

Question

I have Aspergers, and I still do not understand how to drive. I attempted taking coaching once, but it was a catastrophe. I never got out of the parking area. I also have OCD, so that adds to why I do not drive. My OCD is why I've got the FEAR of driving (anxiety about harming someone, anxiety about doing something wrong, anxiety about destroying property, and so on), and my Aspergers is the reason why I do not possess the actual ABILITY to drive. I have numerous visual-spatial deficits that many people with Aspergers have, so driving is just not well-suited for me. I've normally had difficulty understanding my right from my left, so steering was a headache. I also have difficulty judging depth and speed, so when I practiced parking, I didn't know if I was where I was supposed to be. Additionally, driving demands the ability to recognize other drivers' actions and to focus on multiple sensory experiences at the same time, two more things that I fail at. I understand a lot of people with Aspergers may become excellent drivers … I'm simply not one of them. Do you have any suggestions?

Answer

Driving is quite a strange skill to master. How quickly you pick up driving often has very little to do with your intellect in other things. Some real dummies are still able to drive in as few as five lessons, whereas some really intelligent people can need as many as fifty lessons.

Many people with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism (HFA) experience sheer hell learning to drive. Probably the most difficult thing for them appears to be planning in advance and thinking ahead.

Look for a sensitive instructor. Some approved driving instructors may be opinionated and impatient – which will certainly add to your stress-level.

Do not compare yourself with other people. Others may be exaggerating about how few lessons they needed and could be lying when they say they passed first time.

Slow progress is still progress.

Most people on the autism spectrum can become a driver, however their process might take longer because of their poor motor control. After they learn a couple of guidelines, they will probably follow them to the letter (a trait that helps in driving). However, they may have trouble dealing with unexpected situations on the road.

When taking formal driving sessions, you will probably find it overloading, if not overwhelming, to receive verbal instructions. You will learn best in your own time, your own pace and in your own manner, not someone else's, especially NT's.

I think it could be more suitable if the driving instructor is informed about your disorder beforehand and learns how to communicate with you (tell him what communication method works best for you). The instructor should be more patient with you than with NT's when you are reversing, signaling, or performing maneuvers to pass on the highway, for example.

Aspergers and HFA doesn't limit a person's ability to drive in every case. The ability to drive safely must be judged on an individual basis. People on the spectrum should follow some basic guidelines though:

1. Assemble a group of professionals such as the parents, a school psychologist, a driver’s education instructor and others to discuss whether or not you capable of driving a car. Assess your visual/motor tasks, how easily you get distracted, and overall motor skills.

2. Apply for a driving license at the normal legal age, but be sure to put down Aspergers on the application at the DMV. It's against the law not to declare this on the application, but it won't disqualify you for getting a license.

3. Take driving lessons with a driver’s education instructor, but double the amount of physical driving practice to really get used to reacting to normal driving situations. Also, bring information that can help the instructor adapt strategies to help understand you better. Take frequent breaks during this time, ask that the information be broken down into small sections, and ask the instructor to use physical cues to help with estimating speed and distance.

4. Continue to practice with someone familiar to make it more comfortable . Simulate situations in an empty parking lot that require avoidance steering, emergency breaking and distractions like loud music, water on the windshield and pedestrians until you are comfortable.

5. Drive along familiar routes as often as possible. New routes and not knowing where you are going can be distracting and upsetting.

6. Remain calm when other drivers break the rules of the road and be ready for when they do. People with Aspergers tend to follow the rules of the road and the signs concretely – sometimes to a fault. Anticipate the actions of other cars by observing their behavior – again, the most important thing is to pay attention to other cars.

Tips for Parents of Aspergers and HFA Teens—

Follow some of the "keys" to getting your adolescent on the right track:

1. After about 10 lessons on rarely visited roads, you're ready to let your adolescent enter Stage 1. Let your adolescent drive you from your home to a location very near by like the corner service station or even the nearby school, taking the side streets and back roads.

2. After about 5 to 10 lessons in an empty parking area, begin Stage 2 -- taking your adolescent to a new subdivision when there is not a lot of construction work going on. Often times you can find many nearly empty subdivisions. In this setting your adolescent learns to drive near houses, on regular streets with just an occasional car passing by.

3. After your adolescent has his or her learner's permit, start Stage 3 of your hands-on driver's education program. Take your adolescent to a vacant parking area. We used the library parking lot after hours but an empty shopping mall on a Weekend morning might also work. Practice parallel parking during this stage to liven things up!

4. Either make a scheduled appointment on-line or show up at the Department of Motor Vehicles to take the learner's permit written test. In some states your adolescent will have two opportunities to take the written test in one day if they fail the first time. Schedule your appointment for early enough in the day.

5. Motivate your adolescent to maintain a's and b's on his report card because that means a reduced auto insurance rate. Also, motivate your adolescent to maintain a learner's permit for a full two years before getting the regular license. The car insurance folks view this as "experience" driving and will give the adolescent a lower rate oftentimes based on how many years of driving experience.

6. In certain states your adolescent needs to complete a Drug and Alcohol test. The drug and alcohol four hour test may be taken on-line and must be completed to get a driver's permit.

7. Stage 4 is about allowing your adolescent drive on the highway. Select a segment of the highway that is not as high in traffic (don't do this during rush hour). Only have your adolescent drive from one exit to the next, and know ahead of time where you want him or her to turn off.

8. Stage 5 involves allowing your adolescent drive to a fun location. It is important for your adolescent to learn how to not only drive, but to know more about how you get to the places he likes to go. Let him practice taking you to the supermarket, a popular restaurant, school or other popular spot.

9. The final Stage 6 is allowing your adolescent to help you drive on a road trip. Explain exactly how to utilize a road map, how to plan a long trip. Check the laws of different states before venturing out on your road trip. Not all states allow an adolescent to drive using a learner's permit when crossing into their state.

10. Your adolescent should preferably take a driver's education class. It does not have to be in a school setting. Many states now offer on-line driver's education classes.

More resources for parents of children and teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism:

==> Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums in Asperger's and HFA Children

==> Discipline for Defiant Asperger's and HFA Teens

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and HFA: How to Promote Self-Reliance

COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said… I have Aspergers and learned to drive in my late teens, had a break while at university and went back to it in my final year. I had an awful instructor, but the big difference was practicing. My Dad made me drive the car to my university flat in the city from our town every Sunday evening. Long drive, about 20k, light traffic, interesting, complicated route, it got my confidence back after the bad instructor and made driving a lot more natural. Then after passing I was doing doctoral research and living at a lab very far from home so driving up there and back at the weekends and relying on myself to get to shops for groceries really helped stop me avoiding it.

•    Anonymous said… im a driving instructer with an aspie boy. ive tqught several aspie kids. persever..... it will just take alot more practice but can DEFINATLY be done.

•    Anonymous said… My son is old enough to learn now, but he isn't keen. I cant tell if the reason is teenage boy laziness or Aspergers. It would really help the family out if he did learn, but after reading your post I might stop trying to push him.

•    Anonymous said… Practice on a easy Video game eg. Buggys, motor bikes on open dirt areas. This will give you plenty of safe fun while learning about driving. My asp son is excellent now after a year of XBox.

•    Anonymous said… Practice... as much as possible...in safe areas.

•    Anonymous said… So my main bits of advice are, practice, and make sure you get an instructor who you can actually work with...

•    Anonymous said… There is allegedly an IPad driving simulator for Aspergers as well as at least one professional coach and driving simulator at Cherry Hill Y.A.L.E. in New Jersey. They gave a seminar about it in February. Give yourself more time.

• Anonymous said... Great advise! My son who is 17 and alrady has his permit is practicing how to drive. Yesterday he bumped into another parked car as he was pulling out. He doesn't measure distance of spaces well. Will take some of this into account and will also advise his instructor who will begin lesssons this weekend. Hope he can make it! :)

• Anonymous said... I'm a pretty good driver, I have excellent reflexes but horrible road rage and horrible judgement of distance (I can't tell how much time I have to turn before a car is upon me). I say just take his time, if he can't judge distance like me, then it's always best to wait. He'll be fine. I'm still wondering on the road rage.

• Anonymous said... my aspergers husband is an excellant driver and as hios passion in life is buse and coaches,he is now a full time coach driver,he has never had an accident in 40 years of driving and never gets road rage/meltdown while at work or driving his coach,however if any one comes near OUR car,he does have real road rage?only seen it 3 times in 40 years but very scarey,our 2 daughters both aspergers,both drive

• Anonymous said... Thanks so very much for a very 'timely' and important articles, as my 17 year old nephew with Aspergers, is now looking forward to getting his drivers license since he will be attending college next year.

• Anonymous said... When it comes to a cheap driving school, the usual questions should apply. Things such as availability of the instructors are relevant information you should seek. Attending night driving classes in addition to those in the day can prove helpful, so be sure to ask if they are offered. Additionally, it pays to find out what the school's policy is when it comes to teaching in adverse weather; some schools will cancel and some will carry on. This is important as you don't just drive when the weather is fine!  
* Anonymous said... There are affordable options, but it's your responsibility to determine if the cheap fees charged by a driving instructor don't also indicate low quality instruction. You should never mistake temporary savings for future gain as that cheap driving lesson may cost you more time and money than you anticipated if you have to repeat the exam.

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