Aspergers Children in the Classroom

Like any youngster, kids with Aspergers (high-functioning autism) bring a unique set of problems and benefits to the classroom. Several key characteristics of the Aspergers youngster are presented here as they relate to the classroom setting.

Because of their ability to focus in on one area of interest, Aspergers kids can make good students. Their ability to focus, however, can also be their weakness. The Aspergers youngster may, for instance, be expert at history, but will study that subject to the detriment of all other subjects. It is up to the educator to help the Aspergers youngster to broaden his interests. It helps if the educator can find a tie-in from the subject of the youngster’s interest to the subject at hand. For example, if the child is a history buff and you need to get him on board with math, it might help to give him some historical information related to math. Introduce him to some of the greatest mathematical minds of all time like Pythagoras, or Sir Isaac Newton and go from there to some of the mathematical concepts that they used or invented.

If you have a classroom situation where your students are conspiring against you, or are trying to cover for the misbehavior of a particular child, and you have a youngster with Aspergers in your room, consider yourself blessed! Because of their strong sense of fair play, you can very often count on the Aspergers child to tell you exactly what is going on. If Suzie has hidden all the erasers, and you ask the class, “Who took my erasers?” Your Aspergers child will tell you that Suzie took them, where she hid them, and who served as her co-conspirators. (The Aspergers youngster’s limited understanding of social interactions makes him unable to fully appreciate the social consequences of exposing a plot.)

If it becomes necessary for you to discipline an Aspergers youngster, be prepared to explain in logical fashion why a particular disciplinary action is being meted out. The Aspergers youngster’s strong sense of fair play and his limited ability to see beyond himself may work together to keep him from understanding the reasons behind the consequences of his behavior. He may even become very angry at the whole situation. If this happens, allow the youngster some alone time. The Aspergers youngster needs this in order to “decompress.” Then, after he has had some time to cool down, explain to him step-by-step what his behavior was, why discipline needs to be meted out, what the terms of the discipline are, and what he can do in the future to avoid similar consequences.

Substitute educators will learn to appreciate the Aspergers youngster in their classroom. While everyone else is working hard to throw the substitute off, the Aspergers child will be working hard to remind the class of the usual routine. On the downside, the Aspergers youngster’s strong desire for routine can make change very difficult. Help the Aspergers youngster by giving him as much advance warning as possible. If a field trip is coming up, take time to explain to the class when it will happen, how they will get there, when they will return, how they should behave on the bus and at the event, and so on. If you know a fire drill is coming up, explain the escape route, what the alarm will sound like – and be prepared for a potential panic attack on the day of the drill. Children with Aspergers are sensitive to certain sounds and a loud alarm may actually cause them physical pain or discomfort. It may even confuse their thinking. If they need to cover their ears, let them. If they need someone to take them by the hand and lead them out of the building, do that, or assign someone in the class to do it for you.

When it comes to communication, children with Aspergers tend to talk at children rather than to children. Because of this, they come across as rude or blunt when that is not their intent at all. Being factually minded, a person with Aspergers uses words to state facts. The ambiance of language is largely lost on them. As their educator or parent, it is up to you not to take it personally if your Aspergers youngster says something plainly without regard for the fallout that may be attached to his word choice. Moms and dads and educators need to take on the role of “social coach.” If the words were genuinely unkind, you need to tell the youngster they were unkind, why they were unkind, and what they must do or say to make things right. If the words were innocent but blunt, you need to inform the youngster of this as well, and perhaps give him different words to convey the same idea in a kinder way.

Kids with Aspergers often have an excellent capacity for memorization. On the positive side, this makes Aspergers kids very good at rote memorization and recitation of fact. On the negative side, they are not as good at application or understanding why certain things are so. For example, if you have an Aspergers youngster in a literature class, he can tell you all about what is happening in the story, but may be hard pressed to explain why the characters are acting and reacting the way they are. In your role as social coach, you can help your Aspergers child by explaining the reasons behind the behaviors of the characters in a story.

Oddly enough, children with Aspergers can be very good at role-playing. Many children with Aspergers say they study human behavior and do their best to mimic it in order to fit in. As a result, some of them make excellent actors and impressionists. So if you have an Aspergers child in your speech class, don’t write them off because they cannot interact well in normal social situations. Use their memorization skills to their advantage. Beyond just memorizing the words, help them to memorize gestures and vocal inflections to bring a role to life.

The biggest obstacle for children with Aspergers is what has been described as “social blindness,” an inability, or limited ability, to perceive and respond to social situations. This social blindness manifests itself in a number of ways. Aspergers children…

• do not understand personal space and social distance and may either stand too close to someone or too far away
• do not understand the give-and-take of language
• fail to read their audience and therefore do not see when their listeners are becoming bored or irritated
• talk at children rather than to children because they use language primarily as a means of communicating fact

It is often during play that a youngster learns how to interact socially. For the parent or educator of a youngster with Aspergers, play time can be very instructive both for parent or educator and for the youngster with Aspergers. The playground offers many opportunities for social coaching.

As a general rule, most children with Aspergers do not like participating in team sports. There are too many activities going on at once for them to process. That’s not to say that all children with Aspergers avoid team sports. Of the five Aspergers students I had one year, two of them played team games at recess quite regularly. One was only mildly affected with Aspergers, and the other had all the classic characteristics of Aspergers. It just goes to show that Aspergers does not affect everyone in exactly the same way. In fact, the affects of Aspergers can vary from time to time within in the individual.

When kids with Aspergers do participate in a team activity, they are very much “by the book.” They will cite every infraction they witness and be adamant that all the rules be strictly enforced. While this can be trying for you as the parent or educator, it is also an opportunity to teach the youngster about…

• Diplomacy: “Yes, so-and-so did go out of bounds, but screaming about it at the top of your lungs and demanding like the Queen of Hearts that their heads be removed, might not be the best way to enforce the rules.”
• Flexibility: “Remember, we’re not playing for the championship here. We’re just playing for fun. Just enjoy the game.”
• Seeing things from other perspectives: “I know you think so-and-so broke that rule, but just because you saw it that way doesn’t mean the referee saw it that way, or that he saw it all.”

At play, kids with Aspergers will play ‘with’ other kids, but not in the fluid and interactive way typical of most kids. If the Aspergers youngster is playing with other kids, it is often in the role of director, and the Aspergers youngster expects the other kids to play according to his interests. So, for example, if the youngster happens to have an interest in The Hobbit, someone will have to play Gandalf, someone else must play Samwise Gangee, and the Aspergers youngster himself will, of course, play Frodo Baggins. Everything is fine until the other kids grow weary of being directed, and decide to go and play something else. It is not at all uncommon to find the Aspergers youngster in a crowded playground playing by himself, or announcing that there is no one to play with, or that no one will play with them.

All of these playground scenarios are opportunities for moms and dads and educators to help the youngster with Aspergers deal with similar social situations. The youngster may not fully overcome all of his social hurdles, but the playground can help to build his social repertoire.

When our son Jake was diagnosed with Aspergers, my wife and I were devastated at first. We didn’t know what it was, or what it would mean for his future. All we knew was that our son Jake would have Aspergers all of his life. We couldn’t kiss it and make it better. We couldn’t make it go away. And many of the struggles associated with Aspergers, Jake would have to face alone. For a parent, nothing could be more heart rending. But as we have come to understand Aspergers, and as we have come into contact with others who have it, we have also come to understand that while Aspergers does have its limitations, within those ‘limitations’ is the potential for great achievement.

Is There A Cure For Aspergers?

If you know of a youngster who is having a greater degree of language impairment than other kids or has diminished communication skills and also exhibits a restrictive pattern of thought and behavior, he may have Aspergers. This condition is more or less similar to that of classic autism. The main difference between autism and Aspergers is that the youngster suffering from Aspergers retains his early language skills.

The peculiar symptom of Aspergers is a youngster’s obsessive interest in a single object or topic to the exclusion of any other. The youngster suffering from Aspergers wants to know all about this one topic.

Sometimes their speech patterns and vocabulary may resemble that of a little professor. Other Aspergers symptoms include the inability to interact successfully with peers, clumsy and uncoordinated motor movements, repetitive routines or rituals, socially and emotionally inappropriate behavior, and last, but not least, problems with non-verbal communication.

Aspergers kids find difficulty mingling with the general public. Even if they converse with others, they exhibit inappropriate and eccentric behavior. The Aspergers patient may always want to talk about his singular interest.

Developmental delays in motor skills such as catching a ball, climbing outdoor play equipment or pedaling a bike may also appear in the youngster with Aspergers. Kids with Aspergers often show a stilted or bouncy walk, which appears awkward.

The therapy for the Aspergers mainly concentrates on three-core symptoms: physical clumsiness, obsessive or repetitive routines, and poor communication skills. It is unfortunate that there is no single treatment for the kids suffering from the entire three-core symptoms. But professionals do agree that the disorder can be cured when the intervention is carried out at the earliest possible time.

The treatment package of Aspergers for kids involves medication for co-existing conditions, cognitive behavioral therapy, and social skills training. The Aspergers treatment mainly helps to build on the youngster’s interests and teaches the task as a series of simple steps and offers a predictable schedule.

Is There A Cure For Aspergers?

Although kids suffering from Aspergers can mange themselves with their disabilities, the personal relationships and social situations are challenging for them. In order to maintain an independent life, Aspergers kids require moral support and encouragement to work successfully in mainstream jobs.

Studies are on the way to discover the best treatment for Aspergers, which includes the use of functional magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) to identify the abnormalities in the brain which causes malfunction of the same, which in turn result in Aspergers. Clinical trials are being conducted to identify the effectiveness of an anti-depressant in Aspergers kids. Even the analysis of the DNA of the Aspergers kids and their families may cause a breakthrough in the treatment of the Aspergers.

Should I tell my child that he has Aspergers?

We struggled with this issue for some time, and eventually sat our son down and told him. In our case, he kept asking why the other kids called him "weird". To tell or not tell your youngster or others of their diagnosis of Aspergers (high functioning autism)? It’s really a personal decision that has pros and cons on either side. Some parents may struggle with telling a 3 year old they have Aspergers, fearing they may not understand; that it could frighten them.

While saying directly “The doctor says you have Aspergers,” may be unnecessary, talking about the characteristics of Autistic Spectrum Disorder in a way the youngster can relate to is vital in helping the youngster towards self-acceptance as they mature.

Being open about your youngster’s different way of thinking and processing, and connecting those traits to Aspergers characteristics is the key to success in helping your youngster towards self-acceptance. The earlier they become comfortable with Aspergers ‘shop-talk’ the easier it will be when they are pre-teen and adolescent age. Kids with Aspergers need to be able to focus on their strengths more than ever at this age when their social-skill deficits can seem more prominent.

Remembering though that people on the Autistic Spectrum do not always ‘connect the dots’ in the correct order, it may be necessary at some point to say “You have Aspergers” for clarification.

So should you tell your youngster’s part-time employer about Aspergers…and if so, when? When they are applying for a job? When they get the job? Or never?

This also comes down to personal choice. However, sometimes it can be helpful to have an employer support contributing to the success of your youngster’s employment experience.

Our son, Jon, doesn’t like to mention it when he’s applying for a position or when he initially begins work. He doesn’t want it to influence the employers’ decision to hire him, one way or another. Then he doesn’t like to tell them of his Aspergers too soon, because he doesn’t want to “freak them out”. But ultimately he likes to tell them of his diagnosis, and explain to them what that means, because he feels like he’s hiding a secret if he doesn’t. As he says, “It’s a part of me, and they can’t know who I really am unless they know of my Aspergers.” (Sometimes I swear he’s a 44 year old inside a 14 year old body!)

So far we’ve been very fortunate in the employer’s who have given our son a job. They’ve been very understanding, and have helped by finding out about Aspergers, and matching the strengths of Aspergers with the duties/tasks assigned to him. They’ve praised his work ethic, his efficiency, his enthusiasm and manners. They’ve been understanding and compassionate when his anxiety or depression has caused him to miss work, and not held it against him the next time he’s there. Just as someone may miss work due to asthma, or the flu they understand that depression/anxiety is part of Aspergers.

The members of our family have reached the stage where telling about Aspergers is just like saying “my eyes are blue” – a comment that helps the listener come to know you (or your son or brother) a little better. After all, life is a never-ending quest to make connections with others, whether fleeting or lasting!

Aspergers Kids and School-Related Issues

Between the age of 6-18 kids spend a third of each day at school, so it’s important to ensure they’re in the best environment for their needs. This is particularly true for kids with Aspergers (high functioning autism).

So what should parents/care-givers look for when choosing a school for their Aspergers youngster, or consider in their monitoring of the school environment?

Kids with Aspergers cope best in schools with small class sizes. This option is less a reality these days, when Education systems worldwide are struggling to survive with less funding and increased consumer demand. However, there are many other procedures and practices you can monitor to make certain your youngster with Aspergers is being educated in an optimal setting.

You should ensure your Aspergers youngster’s school has an extensive, in-depth knowledge of Aspergers; from the Principal to the Classroom teacher, Administration staff and Ancillary staff. This guarantees that whoever has contact with your Aspergers youngster in the course of their school day is aware of your son/daughter’s needs and understands that Aspergers is a neurobiological disorder – not a behavioral issue. So ask what specific Aspergers training the staff at your youngster’s school has completed and check that this is updated regularly. This is particularly relevant for your son/daughter’s Classroom teacher. If no specific Aspergers training has been undertaken at your youngster’s school, insist that this is rectified promptly.

Check the anti-bullying policy of your youngster’s school. This must be a whole-school policy that has a proven and consistent grievance address policy, with successful follow-up procedures. The policy should tackle the needs of victims and actions of perpetrators alike. Zero tolerance for bullying.

Your youngster’s classroom should be aesthetically Aspergers-friendly, as well as having the curriculum structured and delivered in a manner that meets the needs of your youngster with Aspergers. This will include using visual aids and maintaining a low sensory “volume" in the classroom – minimizing noise, light, smell and extremes in temperature. The Classroom teacher should be mindful of the fact that all social interaction will have a cumulative effect on your Aspergers youngster – this will affect the successful outcome of group activities, seating arrangements and ‘buddy’ systems.

Your youngster’s school should have a strong Social Skills program in place, that your son/daughter with Aspergers participates in at least once a week for a minimum of 1 ½ hours. This program must incorporate:

• decoding language and facial expressions
• developing friendship skills
• group/team work
• physical activity
• problem solving case-specific scenarios

Ideally the Social Skills program should include Aspergers kids’ non-disabled peers. With consistency and perseverance this skills-specific program will effect positive change in your youngster’s social behavior.

The physical activity component will assist the Aspergers youngster’s co-ordination, fine and gross motor skills, spatial awareness, vestibular systems imbalance and physical fitness levels.

The language component should aim to assist the Aspergers youngster to recognize and decode literal or conflicting statements in our language e.g. idioms and oxymorons. It also assists your son/daughter in identifying the meanings of facial expressions and body language/gestures. This will help your youngster with Aspergers to develop the use of more appropriate facial expressions and body language in their interactions with their peers.

Problem solving specific scenarios that have occurred in the lives of kids with Aspergers helps them to develop a “bank" of appropriate responses/reactions and strategies to use in real life situations. E.g. Your teacher tells you to hand in your project books after lunch so she can mark them, and you’ve left yours at home. What would you do? It helps to hear everyone’s answer, as this provides a non-judgmental forum for the Aspergers youngster; helping them to recognize their “first response" in stressful situations. Hearing that other kids with Aspergers may react the same way helps your son/daughter feel less like “one of a kind". Then, asking “What might be a better way to handle the situation?" develops a number of problem-solving options for your youngster to implement.

Discussions about what makes a good friend; what good friends do in various situations; how friends act; what friends say to each other; how friends share; how friends play together; how friends include each other in games etc, form the basis of teaching friendship skills. Again, using real-life scenarios of incidents that happen in the playground at school/home help Aspergers kids to transfer their knowledge to their interactions with their peers. Specific skills need to be directly taught about appropriate ways to join a game; co-operating with others; turn taking and also subtle nuances like “bending" the rules of a game. Self recognition by the Aspergers youngster of their need for rigidness and rule following, and highlighting that not all kids think this way helps to explain the often-confusing nature of the playground to your son/daughter. They may never be fully comfortable with games like this, but the knowledge gives them control over their choices.

Developing group work skills enables Aspergers kids to participate more successfully in activities in class and at home. The “mechanics" of group work need to be explained to Aspergers kids in a step-by-step process for greatest understanding.

Regular access to an all-encompassing Social Skills program such as this, in a group comprising Aspergers kids and their neurotypical peers provides your youngster with the building blocks of social dexterity for life. It also fosters tolerance and understanding in their neurotypical peers.

Your Aspergers youngster’s school should recognize the need for continuous, open communication between home and school. This can be achieved by a daily phone call between Special Education staff and parents/care-givers each day, with relevant information being relayed to your youngster’s Classroom teacher. Most parents/care-givers and professionals of Aspergers kids understand that sometimes seemingly benign incidents in an Aspergers youngster’s day (before, during or after school) can have a huge impact on their behavior. Knowing that all behavior is a form of communication, we can’t possibly hope to understand the message the Aspergers youngster is trying to convey unless we have all the facts. Continual communication gives those caring for the Aspergers youngster at school and home the “big picture".

Schools should provide support for kids with Aspergers as required, and deliver that support in an equitable manner. Remember though, your Aspergers youngster may need that support provided in an alternative format e.g. instead of in-class teacher aide support, your youngster may function better with organizational support e.g. keeping track of when work is due in; helping them collect/collate research information etc. It’s imperative that you negotiate with the Aspergers youngster themselves to establish the most successful way to provide support.

Your youngster’s school should have a “safe space" your Aspergers youngster can go to when they are stressed, anxious, angry or agitated. This “space" needs to be sensorily “quiet" with soft furnishings – a muted, calm environment. Accessing this “safe space" should never be used as a form of punishment; rather the Aspergers youngster should be encouraged to remove him/her self from an escalating situation before overload and meltdown occur, and rewarded for using this strategy. The Aspergers youngster shouldn’t be “rushed" or “hurried" to return to the classroom or activity – this will only increase their agitation. Patience is the key in the “safe space" strategy being successful. All kids (Aspergers kids included) strive to be the same as their peers, and this “internal driving force" ensures the AS youngster will rejoin his/her class as soon as they are physically/emotionally able to.

Just as neurotypical kids differ from each other, so too no Aspergers kids are exactly alike. Most of them however, experience periods of high/excess energy and will benefit from regular energy “burns" throughout the day. This could be in the form of a brisk walk; a short run/jog or a set of star jumps or other callisthenic exercise (skipping, hopping on alternate feet etc). The need to burn excess energy usually occurs about halfway through each classroom session (morning, middle and afternoon) and also just after each break-time (morning tea and lunch/recess). Your Aspergers youngster’s successful behavior in the classroom can be greatly enhanced by implementing regular energy “burns" into their day. If a Teacher Aide/Assistant isn’t available to supervise this, an alternative is having the Aspergers youngster run errands/messages for the Classroom teacher. However, it’s vital the youngster with Aspergers comes to recognize these periods of high/excess energy, and experiences the benefits of implementing regular energy burns into his/her day.

This list of school strategies is by no means comprehensive, nor is it intended to be. Rather, it’s meant to list the minimum accommodations every school should make for kids with Aspergers. It is a foundation to build on in partnering with your youngster’s school to create an individual Education program for your Aspergers youngster that allows him/her to achieve their fullest potential.

Aspergers and HFA Children and Their Reaction to Pain

As parents of kids with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism (HFA), we are all familiar with the enigma of their unequal reaction to pain and injury. A stubbed toe or paper cut may set off a pain response (e.g., crying, screaming, and sobbing) such as is equaled by the loss of a limb, yet a burst ear drum or broken limb may go seemingly unnoticed.

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Ryan's Story: Mother Tells Her Story of Raising an Aspergers Child

First of all, I’m obviously NOT a doctor or a professional. I am simply the mother of a child, Ryan, with Aspergers who has done a ton of research, reading and have talked to several medical professionals about this condition. I am simply giving my opinion and the things I’ve learned about this condition during the last year.

I’m going to try and write as much of this editorial as possible from the knowledge I’ve personally obtained through research and reading rather than give you a ton of medical jargon. Aspergers is a pretty newly diagnosed condition with the first official diagnosis occurring in about 1995-1996. Prior to this condition’s discovery, most children and people with ASPERGERS were diagnosed as “Autistic”, “ADHD” or some other developmental condition.

There is a lot of debate among professionals as to whether or not ASPERGERS should be considered a “form of autism” or a totally separate condition. Either way, ASPERGERS at the current time is considered to be on the mild spectrum of “Autism” or “PDD’s” (Pervasive Developmental Disorders) and is a developmental delay that is rather similar in many aspects to the different forms of Autism.

My husband’s [John] job was the reason for our relocation over 2 years ago. At this time Ryan was not quite 2 years old. When we moved here to our new home, we didn’t know anyone in this area. Our family and friends were at least 4-5 hours away, and we were all alone. Soon enough, we began to make friends and socialize with some people in this area. We began to spend a lot of time with one of the couples we became close friends with almost immediately. This lady is a Speech and Language Pathologist/Therapist. Since Ryan was still pretty young, it was difficult to tell much about his language and speech abilities, but he was definitely “different”. After talking with this friend of mine, we pretty much chalked it up to all the ear infections he had as a baby and this was the reason his speech was a bit delayed. However, over the last 2 years, the delay became significant, and my friend recommended we bring him in to the Speech Center here in town for a free screening. We did just that, and from there it just snowballed.

Indeed, Ryan had significant (moderate to severe) delays in speech and language. He immediately began speech therapy twice a week. It was difficult for me to accept that Ryan needed speech therapy, but little did I know what was ahead. After a month or so of speech therapy, the therapist discussed with me that she felt there was “more going on than just speech delays” and that we should have him evaluated by a Psychologist. What? Now I was freaked out big time. But I knew she was right, so we did go ahead with the evaluation. Thank God for a wonderful Developmental Psychologist here in our area. She came highly recommended and now that I’ve met her, I know from experience that she is simply amazing. She didn’t make us subject Ryan to another doctor’s office, so she came to our home FOUR times before completing the evaluation.

The first session she mainly talked with John and me while she observed Ryan as he played and interacted with her. The next 3 sessions were geared towards testing and evaluating Ryan. She was wonderful with him and he really liked her being here. He thought they were just playing games, so the evaluation was very stress free. She also took the time to come to a therapy session to observe, and then to meet with Ryan’s Speech Therapist to discuss the therapist’s findings and viewpoints where he was concerned.

After the evaluations were completed, we received a “report” that gave us the official diagnosis. The Psychologist was very helpful and sincere in her diagnosis and did everything possible to make it easy on us. She made herself available to us at all times for questions and concerns that we wanted to discuss with her. She really was a godsend!

We Have A “Diagnosis”, Now What?

I was in shock. I absolutely couldn’t believe that something of this magnitude was wrong with MY child. Of course, the first feelings and thoughts I had were “WHY?” and then the guilt came. What did I do to cause this? Did I mess up during my pregnancy? Did I have more problems during my delivery than I realized? Did I give this to him somehow? WHAT did I do to cause this, because I know I’m the one at fault?

After the initial shock wore off, I began to read, read, read and read some more. Anything and everything I could get my hands on that had anything to do with Aspergers. I couldn’t GET enough information. Some of it was encouraging and some was very discouraging. Then I began to seek out other people in my position, parents of children with ASPERGERS. I wanted to talk to anyone and everyone I could find that had gone through this. I was fortunate enough to find several opinions members that knew all about this. The internet gives endless possibilities for people like me. I have met several parents over the last few months that I’m now in contact with and it has been very helpful. I also met a family in our church that has a son who is 6 and has autism. We have gotten together several times and let our children play. This has been wonderful all the way around. They were just as glad to meet US.

Now that I had lots of information and had talked to a few people in the same boat, I needed to know what to do next. With the direction of the Speech Therapist and the Psychologist, I was told what our options were. First thing was to get Ryan an appointment with a Pediatric Neurologist. This is to simply check him out and make sure he’s okay “physically”. This will also be the doctor we discuss our options regarding medications with.

Even though Ryan was only 3 when he was diagnosed, he now qualifies for several “services” in the school system in our county. Had we lived in the bordering state, we would not have these options. These options were only available to us because of the state and county we lived in. Coincidence? I think not. We were thanking God that we now lived on THIS side of the state line when at one time we DID live on the other side! I contacted the Preschool Director in our county, and they immediately set up a meeting and here we went. Ryan will now start Preschool full time and he’ll be in a “special needs” class with other developmentally delayed children, some of which have “autism”.

Other than this, he continues to go to speech therapy 1-2 times per week, and we work with him at home as much as we can. Now that we know how he operates and what he needs, we are better equipped to help him during the time we spend at home. I am a stay at home mom, so I am able to work with him a lot right now.

How The Diagnosis Changed Our Viewpoint & Our Strategy

Prior to getting the ASPERGERS diagnosis, we thought we had a “strong willed, hyper active, boy” on our hands. We knew he wasn’t “typical”, but we chalked it up to those things. Now that we had a REASON and a means to explain our child’s behavior, we could stop thinking we just had a “bad kid”. The diagnosis was a shock, don’t get me wrong, but we were almost relieved to know that there was indeed a reason for our child’s issues and behaviors. Immediately, things were put into perspective. We now knew the reason for all of his odd behaviors and why he did the things he did.

Our strategy of “we have got to make this kid behave” changed to, “we have to help him in every way we can”. It has not been easy, but we’ve made a lot of progress and conquered some difficult tasks over the last several months. Speech Therapy has been miraculous for him. We’ve seen things come about in him that we thought would take MUCH longer than it did. For this we are very thankful.

Our Experiences With An ASPERGERS Child

So how does he act? What are his problems? What makes him “different”? These are questions I hear a lot when someone wants to know more about Ryan and his ASPERGERS. A complete stranger doesn’t always notice that there is anything going on, but if you are around him for any length of time, you’ll probably notice it. ESPECIALLY if you are familiar with toddlers this age and the things they can do and their language abilities. If you have no experience with toddlers, you may not really notice that much of a difference in Ryan, but if you have been around toddlers at all, you will most likely see that he is different.

He knows no strangers. He will talk to anyone and everyone. You probably won’t understand what he’s saying, but he’ll chatter to you all day if you will listen. He does a lot of what is called “jargon”. Its speech, but it’s not understandable. Sometimes mom or dad can interpret, and sometimes we can’t. He doesn’t know how to have a “typical” or “normal” conversation. He only knows how to tell you what he knows. His latest is telling everyone we see that “We saw Jonah”, meaning the Veggie Tales Movie called “Jonah”. That was a big deal to him, and I made a point to “talk” to him about the events of that day, so now he tells everyone that we saw the movie. It’s one of the only lines he knows how to start a conversation with.

Up until 6 months ago, he couldn’t even answer simple yes/no questions. If you asked him a question that required a yes or no answer, he’d either scream and cry (meaning no) or grunt and point (meaning yes). Now, at least we had an idea of what his answer was, but we knew he needed to be able to say yes or no in response to questions. He can now do this in most instances, but we still have some issues with it from time to time.

When he talks to you, he may look your direction, but he makes very little direct eye contact. As a matter of fact, the therapist is working on this with him and it's been difficult. It's seemingly painful for him to have to make eye contact for longer than a second or two. He's working on it though. One way I've gotten him to look at my eyes for longer than a second is by asking him to tell me what color my eyes are. Works every time :)

He does a LOT of what is called “echolalia”. This is where the child repeats back to you what you have said to him. Ryan does this ALL the time. Why? This is how he responds to something that he doesn’t understand. If I ask him a question and he doesn’t understand what I’m saying, he’ll just repeat it back to me. OR, he’ll repeat it back to me until he grasps it, then he’ll answer me. It depends on his comprehension of the question. Sometimes he’ll eventually get it and answer me, and other times he’ll keep repeating it to the point of making himself upset. That’s when I have to re-phrase the question, or figure out a way to SHOW him what I mean with objects or pictures or by acting it out with another person.

He is just learning to tell us that he hurt his foot, arm, head, etc. He doesn’t know all body parts, but he’s getting there. If he got hurt while no one was in the room, we’d be left to guess where he was hurt. He would just cry. Now he can at least point and show us where he’s hurting. But, this is the extent of his being able to explain or tell us about pain. He’s had numerous stomach bugs, ear infections, sinus infections, and many other illnesses that we know causes pain or discomfort, but he has absolutely no idea how to tell us about a headache, earache or stomachache. Pain is a foreign concept to him except for telling us he bumped his head on the coffee table. Even though he's almost 4 years old, for us it's identical to dealing with a sick infant when it's time to take him to the dr. to figure out what's wrong.

He has what are called "food aversions". He is super, super, super picky about food, and there are certain food textures he will not put into his mouth. He doesn't eat any type of cut up meat. As a matter of fact, the ONLY meat he'll eat is a McDonald's cheeseburger. That's it. He absolutely will not eat any type of gummy or gooey candy (such as gummy bears or gumdrops). If he has to chew it longer than 5 seconds, it's going to get spit back out. Meal times are always challenging because there are only a handful of foods he'll eat without fighting us. But we do what we can.

He is a creature of habit and routine. He has been since the day he was born. He expects things to be the same as they were last time, and if there is change, there are consequences. This is one sure way to cause him to have a “meltdown” as I heard it adequately described by another parent. A few examples would probably be the easiest way to describe these situations. He has a routine throughout the day. He gets up, he eats breakfast, he plays and watches some TV, he eats lunch, he goes potty, he takes a nap, he gets up and gets a snack and some juice, he watches a movie, he plays, he eats supper, he puts on his pajamas, he brushes his teeth, he goes potty, he tells daddy goodnight, he sits with mommy in the rocking chair, we sing a song, we read a book and then he gets in bed. Granted, there are a few other things in there that are variables (such as going to a dr. appt., therapy, or the grocery store) but for the most part, this is his daily routine. If you even think about changing this schedule, you will regret it dearly.

When he gets up from his nap, you better have the cookies and juice waiting or else. If you forget to brush his teeth at bedtime, he’ll now tell you but before he could tell us, he’d just scream until we figured out that we had forgotten. Ask me if we ever forget anymore ;-) Routine is his safety net. If you change it, you totally rock his world.

Another routine example: He knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that on Thursdays (although he doesn’t understand days of the week) we go to Speech Therapy, and then we go to McDonald’s for a happy meal. And I mean THE same McDonald’s location too. He knows that we first place the order, and then we go to Window #1. He can count, so he knows the window #’s. He knows we pay at window #1. He knows we then drive up and get the food at window #2. That’s just the way it goes. A few weeks ago, we pulled up and that day no one was at window #1. I had to pull up to window #2 to pay AND to get the food. This blew his mind. I broke the routine and he couldn’t grasp or comprehend why. This type of thing literally causes him pain. He began to scream and have a major tantrum or meltdown. There was NO reasoning with him. He didn’t care that we DID get the food; he just kept screaming, “Go to #1”! The tantrum lasted for over 45 MINUTES! And this was a pretty mild one. There are endless examples, but you get the point.

He doesn’t understand sarcastic statements or tones. He takes everything literally. He doesn’t understand the concept of life and death, real and fantasy and many emotions or feelings. He’s almost 4 years old, but if you turned on a really scary horror film in front of him, he’d have absolutely no idea that it was supposed to be scary. He doesn’t understand “violence” and “language” on television. He just doesn’t grasp concepts like this. He is just learning to identify the difference between someone having a “happy” expression or a “sad” expression on their face. This has taken MONTHS for him to grasp.

He lives in a fantasy world most of the time. His favorite thing in the world is his movies and his toys. Even if he’s not watching television, he likes to listen to his movies while he plays. He memorizes EVERY single part of every movie he owns. He spends 80-90 % of his time re-enacting scenes from his videos and replaying them over and over. He even uses language and phrases from his videos in real life conversations with us and with other people. Sometimes he actually uses the phrases in context, but they are still not his original thoughts or expressions. Sometimes he’ll repeat a scene from a movie over and over and over until we literally stop him and literally make him snap out of the zone he’s in. We do this many times every day.

Now that we know things that will set him off, we can do our best to avoid them. However, there are some things we feel he has to learn to deal with. It depends on the situation. I know he wants his snack after naptime and that’s fine. I know he wants his happy meal on Thursday and that’s fine. I know he wants to sing and read a book at bedtime and that’s fine. But there are times when something upsets him when we feel it’s something he should be able to cope with so we do our best to calm him and make him okay in the situation. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. There are times when we do have his snack ready after naptime but he’ll still begin to have a tantrum because the cookies are not in the same bowl or the juice is in a different cup. That’s when we feel he should be okay with it since the snack and juice are still there. We’ll reason with him that it’s the same thing, and if he won’t settle down, we make him go sit in his room and that is something that always allows him to calm himself down.

Depending on how upset he is, it could take anywhere from 1 minute to 10 minutes for him to calm down. This is a tactic that has been very effective for us (having him sit in his room quietly until he calms himself down). This method isn’t considered “time out” when it’s in this type of setting, although we do use “time out” as a means of discipline when he’s simply displaying bad behavior.

Basically, we’ve learned to live with and deal with the aspects of this condition. We aren’t pros, but we are learning day by day how to handle things better and how to help Ryan the best ways we can.

Any Upsides to All This?

Definitely. First of all, I don’t take my kid for granted anymore. I definitely realize that he could be in MUCH worse shape mentally and/or physically and I don’t take one second for granted anymore. I love this kid more than I ever did before, if that’s possible. All this really opened my eyes to parenthood. I have been given a responsibility, and I have to make sure my child gets the best that life has to offer. I am responsible for how well equipped he’ll be to deal with real life when he’s older. I know I can’t control things, but I have been given the duty to make sure he is given every opportunity to get better.

Even though I don’t wish this on anyone, and I still struggle with it myself on many days, I am so thankful that I now have an explanation for why Ryan is the way he is, and I now know what to do about it. Thanks to doctors, other parents and books/articles out there, I have a better grasp on this and how to deal with it. I’d rather know what the problem is and deal with it than to ignore it, live a lie and deprive Ryan of the help he deserves.

I now have the opportunity to help other parents out there who are struggling with this very issue. Since this is a fairly new disorder, there is limited information out there on ASPERGERS. I am now able to become a part of the information that is available by being able to share our experiences with others. I am an information fanatic. I always want to get my hands on books dealing with ASPERGERS, but nothing compares to talking with another parent of a child with ASPERGERS and what they have been through, what they have learned and what advice they can give to help me be a better parent to my child.

Ryan has“innocence” about him that I can’t really explain. He knows nothing about September 11th. Even if you told him, he wouldn’t understand. He knows nothing about the evil in our world. He knows nothing about the war, violence and terrorism out there. He has no concept of murder, death, rape, assault or any other violence that we see on the news every day. He knows when he’s a “bad boy” but that’s about the extent of what he knows is wrong in the world. I am almost comforted by the fact that he knows nothing about these things. But I know when he’s older it will be inevitable for him to learn and know about them.

He’s VERY smart. He has been able to count to 20 for quite some time (even earlier than most toddlers do); he knows all colors, shapes and the alphabet. Not only can he count to 20 and say the entire alphabet, he recognizes numbers and letters out even out of order. He knows every single movie and every book he owns by memory. He knows where they are, what they are and what they are about. Even from another room he can tell you every book he owns. He remembers EVERYTHING. We can take a road trip that is several hours long, and the second time we make the trip, he knows where we are and where we are going by the time we have gone 3-4 miles. We travel a LOT since we have no family or friends here locally, so he has memorized a LOT of routes and scenery.

He is also the most loving and affectionate child you can imagine! He loves to snuggle, hug and give lots of sugar. He is my heart!

In Conclusion

I know this has been rather lengthy, but I wanted to discuss as many aspects of ASPERGERS as I could, from a parent’s viewpoint. There are lots of medical things I could have included, but there are so many other resources for that type of information. I simply wanted to offer an inside perspective of this disorder and how we’ve dealt with it over the last year.

To any other parents out there who have a child with any type of developmental or psychological disorder or condition, I hope this has helped in some way and I’m ALWAYS available to talk via email to anyone who would like to email me.

Aspergers has definitely changed the lives of Ryan, John and I forever. We have a long journey ahead of us, but we intend on making it the easiest and most pleasant journey we can, especially for our adorable son who was given to us by God. Thanks to "Online Parent Support" and the My Aspergers Child eBook, we are much much better off today and making continued progress - one day at a time.

When do you tell a child he/she has Aspergers?

Dear Parents of kids with Aspergers:

Re: How or when do you tell a child he/she has Aspergers?

Since all children with Aspergers (high-functioning autism) are different, I can only tell you how I told Matthew, and leave the judgment call up to you. We found out Matthew had Aspergers when he was 5. We decided to tell him as early as possible, hoping he would embrace it instead of completely rejecting the idea.

My wife and I then researched different parts of this spectrum and when we were ready, sat Matt down and begin to tell him. We started out by telling him that everybody is born with a gift. Some are born to be athletes, some with great music talents. We stated he was born with the gift of Aspergers. When then stated that Aspergers give him the ability to see life differently (out of the box). If all people see the world the same, then we would not have great inventions. People who look outside of this box can view the world in a whole different way.

We also gave him names of famous people who had Aspergers, to put his mind at ease. I also found that giving him this list gives him hope that he could change the world one day. We also used television personalities so Matt could see people on television who have it. For example: Lisa Simpson, Spock, House, Gissom from CSI, and now Sheldon from the Big Bang theory.

We have found that in using this strategy, Matt has not only accepted his diagnoses, but now has become proud of it. This was his gift.

My Aspergers Child: Help for Parents with Out-of-Control Aspergers Children