How do I balance out the needs of two children on the spectrum and two NT kids?

Question

How do I balance out the needs of two children on the spectrum and two NT kids?

Answer

Parenting is hard work. Unless you have a child with Asperger’s Syndrome or Autism, you just have no idea about the true demands this adds to everyday parenting. A second child on the spectrum does not always mean more of the same because every child is affected so differently. Balancing the needs of a large family is a full time job, even without Asperger’s Syndrome!

It is easy to feel overwhelmed and stretched too thin when you have so much on your parenting plate. Planning a strategy to help meet everyone’s needs is necessary. Don’t forget to take care of yourself so you’ll feel like taking care of everyone else.

Taking care of yourself:

• Participate in support groups focused on the needs of Asperger’s families.
• Find respite care when you need a break. Everyone deserves to get out and relax for an hour or so.
• Do not ignore your hobbies. A mother with four kids is going to have to schedule time for hobbies, but it is important to do things you enjoy for relaxation and personal growth.
• Keep in touch with your friends. You need this form of support. Your friends know you and know how to lift your spirits and keep you motivated.

Taking care of your kids:

• Spend one-on-one time with each child. Focus a little time each week on each child. They all enjoy the special attention and it gives you a chance to teach each one something new or enjoy a favorite-shared activity.
• Keep in touch with each child’s teacher. The children spend a big chunk of time at school. Knowing what is going on at school will help you be a more effective parent and advocate for your children.
• Look for ways to make life fun and ‘normal’ for your family. “Top Ten Tips: A Survival Guide for Families with Children on the Autism Spectrum” by Teresa A. Cardon, M.A., CCC-SLP; foreword by Kristi Sakai is a book that lists practical tips for living with Asperger’s and how to blend all of your family into everyday life situations. Suggestions cover life at home, at school, and in the community.
• Listen to each of your children. Sometimes moms of many can get so busy that they forget to stop and listen. A few minutes of listening to each child can clarify the causes of problem behavior or illuminate special moments.

Finding balance is a goal for which to aim. With a little investigation and preparation, you will find what works for each of your children and your family as a whole.

List of the Most Popular Books on Autism Spectrum Disorders

General Reference—

• ATTWOOD, T., Asperger's Syndrome - A Guide for Parents & Professionals, Jessica Kingsley, UK, 1998. This paperback is essential reading for those living or working with a child or adult with Asperger Syndrome. It is written in a clear and concise manner, with plenty of examples, practical suggestions and resource lists.

• BARNHILL, G., Right address...wrong planet: Children with Asperger Syndrome becoming Adults, Autism Asperger Publishing Company, 2002. Written by an autism consultant, who has an adult son with Asperger Syndrome, this paperback covers a much needed area - that of adolescence and adulthood. Ms. Barnhill offers both her family perspective and practical advice for those living with/caring for an adult with Asperger Syndrome.

• BASHE, P.R. & KIRBY, B.L. The OASIS Guide to Asperger Syndrome, Crown Publishers, 2002. Written by two parents, this paperback deals with the social, emotional and cognitive challenges faced by those with Asperger Syndrome, and their parents. It also provides an overview of treatment strategies and options.

• HOWLIN, P., Children with Autism and Asperger Syndrome, John Wiley & Sons, 1998. Pat Howlin is one of the most highly regarded clinicians in the field of autism. This paperback describes the full range of presentations along the autistic spectrum, and explains what is currently known about causes, assessment and treatment. Pat deals in an unbiased way with the vast range of treatments and therapies for autistic disorders. This is a detailed reference for practitioners and caretakers.

• NEWPORT, J. & M. Autism-Aspergers and Sexuality, Future Horizons, 2002. This paperback is written by a married couple, both of whom have Asperger Syndrome. It is a valuable insight into the social and sexual challenges faced by those with an Autism Spectrum Disorder, and provides advice for these individuals and their parents. Some parts of this paperback are quite explicit.

• SHAW, W., Biological Treatments for Autism and PDD, The Great Plains Laboratory, US, 1998. This paperback will be of interest to parents and others who are researching the alternatives to conventional treatment and management of Autism Spectrum Disorders. It specifically focuses on biological treatments, including antifungal and antibacterial treatments, gluten and casein restriction, vitamin therapy, food allergies - to name a few. This publication is not considered to be part of the mainstream literature on Autism Spectrum Disorders, but will meet the need of some families.

• WING, L., The Autistic Spectrum - A Guide for Parents and Professionals, Constable, London, 1996. On its publication in 1971, Lorna Wing's paperback Autistic Children was acclaimed as the definitive guide on autism. In this update, Lorna describes what autism is, how to help those with the condition, and the service types of value. This guide is easy to read and invaluable for parents and anyone working with people with an Autism Spectrum Disorder.

Training Programs and Approaches—

• ADAMS, J., Autism - PDD: Introductory Strategies for Parents & Professionals; Creative Ideas During the School Years; and More Creative Ideas from Age Eight to Adulthood, Adams Publications, Ontario, 1995 & 1997 (distributed by Future Horizons). A mother in Canada has compiled these parent resource paperbacks. They are packed with useful ideas, checklists, strategies, sample charts, teaching aids and suggestions gleaned from her son's teachers and therapists.

• CUMINE, V., LEACH, J. & STEVENSON, G., Asperger Syndrome A Practical Guide for Teachers, David Fulton Publishers, UK, 1998. This is an essential resource paperback for teachers and parents. It provides a clear, non-technical explanation of the autistic spectrum, Asperger Syndrome, diagnostic issues and the educational implications of current theories. The bulk of the paperback provides information about educational and behavioural interventions in a school setting, in an accessible dot point format.

• GRAY, C., The Original Social Story Paperback; The New Social Story Paperback and the New Social Story Paperback Illustrated Edition, Future Horizons, (1993, 1994 & 2000). Social Stories provide individuals with autism with accurate information regarding situations they encounter. For many students with Asperger Syndrome, this type of written information appears to have a positive impact on their responses to social situations. Social stories have also been used successfully to teach academic skills. These paperbacks are collections of sample social stories compiled by Carol Gray, who developed the Social Stories approach.

• HOGDGON, L., Visual Strategies for Improving Communication, Quirk Roberts, 2001. A very practical paperback that provides easy to follow strategies for using visual aids to assist those with autism, Asperger Syndrome and PDD-NOS. Strategies are suggested for school and home.

• JORDAN, R. & POWELL, S., Understanding and Teaching Children with Autism, John Wiley & Sons, England, 1996. An excellent paperback for all teachers of children with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. The authors provide a basis for understanding the developmental processes and problems of these students, and also the implications of these for social and educational learning.

• MCAFFEE, J., Navigating The Social World, Future Horizons, 2002. This manual provides a thorough curriculum for teaching social skills to individuals with Asperger Syndrome and High Functioning Autism. The program includes forms, exercises and guides for the student, and educational guidance to teachers and parents.

• MOYES, R.A., Incorporating Social Goals in the Classroom, Jessica Kingsley, 2001. This paperback is divided into two sections - the first gives a thorough overview of the characteristics of Asperger Syndrome and high functioning autism; the second half provides a guide to assessing areas of social deficit and implementing appropriate strategies. Very useful for parents and teachers.

• MYLES, B. S. & SOUTHWICK, J., Asperger Syndrome and Difficult Moments, Autism Asperger Publishing, KS, 1999. This paperback specifically examines the rage and anger exhibited by persons with Asperger Syndrome. Chapter headings include "An overview of the characteristics of Asperger Syndrome that may impact on behavior"; "The rage cycle and functional assessment of behaviors in the cycle"; "Strategies that promote self-awareness, self-calming and self-management"; and "Specifically for Parents". It is practical and easy to use and especially recommended for parents, caretakers, and teachers.

• SMITH MYLES, B & ADREON, D., Asperger Syndrome and Adolescence: Practical solutions for school success, Autism Asperger Publishing Co, 2002. An excellent overview of the challenges faced by teenagers with Asperger Syndrome at school. The paperback provides teachers and parents with practical solutions to assist in the transition to, and survival in, secondary school.

• WILLEY, L.H. (ed.), Asperger Syndrome in Adolescence: living with the ups, downs and things in between, Jessica Kingsley, 2003. This paperback tackles issues pertinent to all teenagers with Asperger Syndrome, including friendship, depression and sexuality. A different author, including Tony Attwood, Liane Holliday Willey and Rebecca Moyes, has written each chapter.

• WINTER, M., Asperger Syndrome: what teachers need to know, Jessica Kingsley, 2003. Written by a teacher, this paperback is very easy to read and full of strategies that will assist teachers, both in understanding Asperger Syndrome and also in providing a positive classroom experience for students.

Parents and Families—

• BOYD, B. Parenting a child with Asperger Syndrome, Jessica Kingsley, 2003. Written by the mother of Kenneth Hall (author of Asperger Syndrome, the Universe and Everything) this paperback is a handy guide for parents and teaching staff. The format makes it very easy to use - it covers the range of issues that affect a person with Asperger Syndrome, and a host of tips and strategies to address these issues. Highly recommended for parents and teachers.

• HARRIS, S.L., Siblings of Children with Autism, Woodbine House, USA, 1994. This paperback will help parents understand a little more about sibling relationships and how Autism Spectrum Disorder can affect these relationships. It is a practical paperback, with suggestions and strategies for dealing with specific issues that are often of concern to siblings.

• JACKSON, J. Multicolored Mayhem, Jessica Kingsley, 2003. Jacqui Jackson is the mother of seven children. Her four boys are affected by a mixture of autism, Asperger Syndrome, ADHD, dyslexia and dyspraxia. Jacqui is also the mother of Luke, who authored the very popular paperback Freaks, Geeks and Asperger Syndrome. In Multicoloured Mayhem Jacqui gives the reader an amazing insight into her parenting strategies and the skills she has developed that enable her to parent these children on her own!

• WAITES, J. & SWINBOURNE, H., Smiling at Shadows, Harper Collins, 2001. This is the story of Junee and Rod Waites and their son Dane. Dane was born in Melbourne in 1974. He was diagnosed with classic autism when he was about four. Junee and Rod have endured much to bring Dane into their world, from infancy through childhood and adolescence to the talented and caring adult that he now is, with a valued place in his community. A remarkable family account.

Children's Paperbacks—

• DAVIES, J., Able Autistic Children - Children with Asperger Syndrome, University of Nottingham,1993/94. Designed specifically for brothers and sisters of children with Asperger Syndrome from the age of seven years, this useful paperback explains what Asperger Syndrome is and explores some of the difficulties that siblings may experience.

• HADDON, M., The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time, Random House, 2003. Christopher is 15 and has Asperger Syndrome. He finds his neighbor's dog dead one night and decides to 'do some detecting' to solve the crime. His efforts lead to an eventful sequence of events for Christopher and his parents. The story is written in the first person, from Christopher's perspective, and provides an amazing insight into how people with Asperger Syndrome and Autism think. It is funny, sad, exhausting and ultimately very satisfying to read. Whilst noted as a children's paperback, we would recommend it for teenagers and adults - it is a little gruesome and the language is colorful!

• HOOPMAN, K., Blue Bottle Mystery; Of Mice and Aliens; Lisa and the Lacemaker; Haze, Jessica Kingsley, 2001, 2002, 2003. Kathy Hoopman is an Australian parent who has written a series of adventure stories in which the central character has Asperger Syndrome. These paperbacks are a delightful read for siblings, peers and young people with Asperger Syndrome. Suitable for children aged eight years onwards.

• IVES, M., What is Asperger Syndrome and how will it affect me?, National Autistic Society, 1999. This is a useful guide specifically for the teenager and young adult seeking explanations about themselves. It contains simple coping strategies and answers to some frequently asked questions.

• MURRELL, D., Tobin Learns to Make Friends, Future Horizons, 2001. A delightful story about a train carriage that has characteristics of Asperger Syndrome, and therefore has difficulty making friends. Highly recommended for siblings, peers and children with Asperger Syndrome, between the ages of 6 - 14.

• OGAZ, N., Wishing on the Midnight Star, Jessica Kingsley, 2004. Told from the point of view of Alex, a 13-year-old boy whose older brother has Asperger's, this adventure story is about two brothers, their relationship, their friends and some interesting dilemma's they get themselves into. A highly enjoyable read for those aged between 8-15. This paperback is by the author of another Asperger adventure, Buster and the Amazing Daisy.

• SCHNURR, R, G., Asperger's Huh? - A Child's Perspective, Anisor Publishing, 1999. An excellent paperback on Asperger Syndrome for children, peers, teachers or parents. Written from the point of view of a 10-year-old child with Asperger Syndrome, it gives a good overview of the common difficulties faced by those with Asperger Syndrome.

• WELTON, J., Can I tell you about Asperger Syndrome? - A guide for friends and family, Jessica Kingsley, 2004. This paperback is about Adam, an 11-year-old boy with Aspergers Syndrome. Adam's story is about the challenges of AS, his talents and his needs. This paperback is designed to assist children's understanding of AS, and is suitable for those aged between 7 and 15.

Autobiographical Accounts—

• FLEISHER, M., Making Sense of the Unfeasible, Jessica Kingsley, 2003. Diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome when he was 11 years old, Marc has gone on to complete degrees in mathematics. This paperback is an enjoyable account of his life and his strategies for success, complete with appendices on astronomy, parallel universes and the mathematics of unfeasibly large numbers!

• HALL, K., Asperger Syndrome, the Universe and Everything, Jessica Kingsley, 2002. A wonderful paperback written by an 11-year-old boy with Asperger Syndrome. This paperback gives a fantastic insight into his world, and provides an understanding of life with Asperger Syndrome. Highly recommended for siblings, parents, teachers and young people with Asperger Syndrome.

• JACKSON, L., Freaks, Geeks and Asperger Syndrome, Jessica Kingsley, 2002. Written by a 13 year old boy with Asperger Syndrome, this paperback is highly recommended for parents, teachers, and young adults with Asperger Syndrome. It is funny, sad, insightful and full of great tips for parents and teachers.

• LAWSON, W., Life Behind Glass (1998); Understanding and Working with the Spectrum of Autism (2001); Build Your Own Life (2003), Jessica Kingsley. For 25 years Wendy was incorrectly diagnosed with schizophrenia. When in her 40's, her son was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome and she realized that this condition explained her own difficulties. With this unique insight, Life Behind Glassis a readable and very moving personal account. Her more recent paperbacks provide practical day-day strategies for living with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. Wendy is an acclaimed speaker and consultant and lives in Victoria.

Videos—

• Ask Me about Asperger Syndrome, Michael Thomson Productions, 2000. A fantastic, 30 minute video targeting teaching staff. This video is very comprehensive and will give teachers a thorough introduction to Aspergers Syndrome and several classroom strategies that will assist students and teachers. Would also be helpful for parents.

• ATTWOOD, T., Asperger Syndrome: a video guide for parents and professionals, Future Horizons 1999. A three hour presentation by Tony Attwood covering the major characteristics of Asperger Syndrome, the diagnostic process and management strategies. It is a very helpful introduction for anyone interested in learning about Asperger Syndrome. Tony has an informative and unique presentation style and is in demand as a speaker around the world.

• GRANDIN, T. Sensory Challenges and Answers and Visual Thinking of a Person with Autism, Future Horizons, 2002. These videos are interviews with Temple Grandin and provide a useful insight into the sensory challenges faced by people with Autism Spectrum Disorder, and the process of 'thinking in pictures' and strategies to overcome these. Each video is approximately 30 minutes long.

• PRIOR, M. et al, Understanding Asperger Syndrome, Royal Children's Hospital, Melbourne, 2000. This 28 minute video explains the nature of Asperger Syndrome, how it impacts on the affected child and their families, and gives practical advice for teachers. Available to buy from Autism Victoria.

Periodicals—

• Autism Research Review International (USA)

• Autism/Asperger Syndrome Digest (Future Horizons)

• Communication (National Autistic Society - UK)

• NoticeBoard (Association for Children with a Disability, Victoria)

• The Advocate (Autism Society of America)

List of Support Groups for Children with Autism, Aspergers, and PDD

· ABMD (Autism BioMedical Discussion)—High volume group for discussions by parents and professionals of research and biomedical interventions as they apply to the investigation and treatment of autistic spectrum disorders. To Join: Send a blank email to abmd-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or join online.

· ANDI_ADI (Autism Network for Dietary Intervention)—This is an ADVANCED autism-diet discussion group moderated by ANDI, the Autism Network for Dietary Intervention. The purpose of this list is to provide a forum for discussion regarding advanced dietary treatment options such as the Specific Carbohydrate Diet (SCD), the Body Ecology Diet (BED), grain-free, sugar-free, low oxalates, supplementation, and other dietary interventions for children with autism spectrum disorders. To Join: Send a blank email to ANDI-ADI-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or join online.

· Asperger—An excellent listserv for discussions of all aspects of Asperger Syndrome (AS) and other forms of high-functioning autism, including Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). Subscription requires owner approval. This is a well established, high volume autism support list. To Join: Send email with the message, SUBSCRIBE ASPERGER to listserv@listserv.icors.org or join online. Listowners: Head Listowner - Ellen Dietrick; Co-listowners - Karen Reznek, Sandy Sebree, Phil Schwarz , Dave Spicer, Tee Forshaw, Barry Conner

· Aspergers Support—Mailing list for parents of children with Asperger's Syndrome or High Functioning Autism. To Join: Send a blank email to AspergersSupport subscribe@yahoogroups.com or join online.

· Aut-2B-Home (Autism To Be Homeschooled)—Listserv for homeschooling children with autism. To Join: Send email with the message, SUBSCRIBE AUT-2B-HOME to LISTSERV@LISTSERV.ICORS.ORG or join online.

· Autinet—An unmoderated parent support group and news service for Autism and Asperger's Syndrome, running since 1996. To Join: Send the message with "SUBS" in the subject line to autinet@autinet.org. In your message to listowner Peter Wise include a little about yourself, your interest in Autism and Asperger's Syndrome, and your COUNTRY of residence (for statistical reasons).

· Autism ABA— The Autism and ABA list is an open, unmoderated forum for discussing anything related to autism. Much of our discussion centers around Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA), including areas of ABA such as teaching Verbal Behavior (VB) and Natural Environment Training (NET). We're a quiet list, but we have a healthy mix of parents, professionals, and others involved with autism in some way. To Join: Send a blank email to autismaba-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or join online. Listowner: Christina Burk ChristinaBurkABA@aol.com

· Autism Adolescence—Autism Spectrum Disorders and adolescence support for parents who have pre-teen or teenaged children. Please free to share your stories, advice, woes, rants, tears, and especially laughter here with us. THIS IS A HIGH VOLUME LIST.. http://www.geocities.com/alleycatjo/Autism.html

· Autism Aspergers—A high quality, high volume support list where parents share stories, treatments, therapies, ideas, advice and support about their children with moderate to high functioning autism or Aspergers syndrome. To Join: Send a blank email to Autism-Aspergers-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or join online.

· Autism Awareness Action—A moderately high volume group to help parents find autism related resources and support, not state specific but is associated with a Texas autism group. To Join: Send a blank email to autism-awareness-action-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or join online.

· Autism Behavior Problems—Helpful discussion, aid and support in dealing with these behaviors present in the autistic child. Support on topics for all ranges of behaviors...self stimulating, self injurious, aggressive, inappropriate etc and different ways of addressing these problems. To Join: Send a blank email to AutismBehaviorProblems-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or join online.

· Autism in Girls—Restricted membership! This is a high quality list for parents and professionals who wish to exchange information regarding treatment of autism in girls, how autism effect females in the family, and any other issues dealing with autism and females and/or the comparison of males and females with autism. To Join: Send a blank email to Autism_in_Girls-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or join online.

· Autism—The oldest ongoing discussion list for autism, provides general autism support.
To Join: Send email with the message subscribe [password] [digest|nodigest] [your email address] to autism-request@lists.apana.org [Commands in brackets are optional.] or join online. Listowner: Carolyn Baird. Panel Representatives: Ray Kopp, Linda Carlton, Kevin Kramer

· Chelating Kids 2—A restricted discussion list of parents with children who have autism/ mercury poisoning and are using chelation. To Join: Send a blank email to chelatingkids2-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or join online.

· Children with Autism—High volume parent support list for autism. To Join: Send a blank email to children_with_autism-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or subscribe online.

· DTT-NET (Autism: AVB: ABA: Verbal Behavior)—A moderated list for parents and professionals running home (and school) programs to discuss concerns and share their knowledge of Applied Verbal Behavior (AVB), a specialty within the field of Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA). To Join: Send a blank email to DTT-NET-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or join online. Listowners: Jenn Godwin and Steph Hulshof

· Enzymes and Autism—The Enzymes and Autism forum is a high volume list for the discussion of digestive enzymes (and many other types of supplements) and thier effect on the autistic spectrum/PDD, attention deficit, sensory integration, digestion/malabsorption, and food sensitivities/allergies. To Join: Send a blank email to EnzymesandAutism-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or join online.

· Floortimers Floor Timers—A small group, but an important topic. Parents, caregivers, therapists, educators and related professionals who work with children using using a floortime approach share ideas and provide support for one another. To Join: Send a blank email to floortimers-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or join online.

· GF CF Kids (Gluten-Free Casein-Free Kids)—This high volume, unmoderated list provides discussion forum for parents of children on the autism spectrum who are avoiding gluten and casein and other substances in their children's diets. To Join: Send a blank email to GFCFKids-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or join online.

· Gluten-Free Casein-Free Recipes—High volume group to share recipes for cooking a gluten-free, casein-free diet for chidren. To Join: Send a blank email to GFCFrecipes-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or join online.

· HDO Therapy for Autism—Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy (HBOT), or more accurately, High Dosage Oxygen Therapy (HDOT} is fast becoming one of the more successful therapies for children with Autism. Autism is a neurological injury whether caused by toxicity, birth injury or unknown. Some amazing results are being obtained, especially with young children. To Join: Send a blank email to HDOTherapyforAutism-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or join online.

· Home Schooling Aspies—Support list for Christian moms who homeschool (or are seriously considering homeschooling) their children who have been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome (or suspect their child has Asperger's Syndrome). All are welcome to join, but there will be a Christian focus to many of the posts. We are here to encourage, support, and pray for one another as we do our best to teach our Aspies at home. To Join: Send a blank email to homeschoolingaspies-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or join online.

· Parenting Autism—An excellent, high volume parent support group to share the day-to-day experience of being a parent of an autistic child. To Join: Send a blank email to Parenting_autism-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or join online.

· PDD BP KidS (Pervasive Development Disorder Bipolar Kids)—This group is for parents and primary caregivers of children diagnosed with PDD (Pervasive Developmental Disorder), Autistic Spectrum Disorder (Autism, Asperger's Syndrome, PDD-NOS, Rhett's Syndrome, Childhood Disintigrative Disorder), and BP (Bipolar Disorder). To Join: Send a blank email to PDD-BPkids-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or join online.

· Verbal Behavior—A high volume moderated forum for teaching verbal behavior (VB) within a program of applied behavior analysis (ABA). Discussions include difficulties in the development of communication seen in most individuals with autism and other related disabilities, with an emphasis on functional language and motivational variables using ABA techniques. To Join: Send a blank email to VerbalBehavior-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or join online. Listowner: Christina Burk ChristinaBurkABA@aol.com

Rage-Control for Children on the Autism Spectrum: Advice for Parents and Teachers

"Any tips for dealing with a high functioning autistic child who flips into a rage at the most inopportune times for no apparent reason whatsoever? This erratic behavior occurs at school as well."

Click here for the answer...

Comment:

Hello Everyone: I have been a member of this website for about a year.....my son is 5 years old and has a diagnosis of Hypoplasia of the Corpus Callosum, Aspergers and Sensory Processing Disorder. The reason I am writing all of you is because my neighbor has come to me for advice. She has a 10 year old son who has been diagnosed with ADHD and takes meds....not sure what??....anyway, she was recently told by the school that they thought her son had Aspergers and she should talk to her Pediatrician. She came to me because she knows about my son and his "issues" and she asked my opinion......it was hard but I said Yes, I too think he has Aspergers. I urged her to get an evaluation but I don't know where to start because her son is much older and getting a later diagnosis. So, my questions are........what resources are helpful for this age group to get started on this journey? What websites, books, etc. can you recommend for her? She is VERY overwhelmed right now......which I can imagine because I have been there and I am sure you can relate too! Thank you in advance for any help or advice you can offer!!!!!

Test Your Knowledge of Asperger’s Syndrome

Listed below are the three main categories of impairments in Aspergers. Under each category are several possible characteristics. Indicate with a Yes or No whether each characteristic listed is indicative of Aspergers.

1. Impairment in Social Interaction:

a. Odd facial expressions

b. Difficulty judging social distance

c. Overly friendly

d. Inappropriate responses to approaches of others

2. Impairment in Communication:

a. Inappropriate questions/comments

b. May be non-verbal

c. Good at thinking abstractly

d. Delay in development of language

3. Restricted and/or Repetitive Patterns of Behavior, Interests and Activities:

a. Inflexibility regarding routines

b. Severe self-abuse

c. Stereotyped motor mannerisms

d. Little to interest them

Aspergers or Not?

Below are three vignettes, each describing an individual with certain difficulties. Indicate whether you believe the paragraph describes an individual with Aspergers.

Charlie was a boy in his mid-teens. He attended a school for students with special needs. He was verbal, but at times difficult to understand, partly because of his articulation and partly because his sentences were often constructed incorrectly. He rarely initiated conversations, unless to talk about his interest in movies. He was not particularly interested in his peers, although it did not seem to matter to him that he had no real friends. He was fairly accomplished in math, but was reading at a 3rd grade level at age 14. His full-scale I.Q. was 68.

Robert, a man in his mid-twenties, complained he felt uncomfortable around people. He had decided he had Aspergers. He worked as an accountant and was competent at his job. He did not feel particularly depressed, although complained of feeling anxious when forced to interact with others.

Mark, an eleven year old in the public school system, frequently got into serious trouble with his teachers. He was clearly bright, but often refused to do his work, saying he did not have to if he did not want to. He was a computer whiz, able to fix problems with the computer even his teacher could not solve. In fact, his interest in computers seemed to overshadow nearly all aspects of his life. He tended to interact poorly with other kids, misreading their social cues, and becoming very angry if they tried to interfere with his use of the computer.

Answer Key—

1. Impairment in Social Interaction:

a. Yes

b. Yes

c. No

d. Yes

2. Impairment in Communication:

a. Yes

b. No

c. No

d. No. However, this is somewhat of a trick question. The DSM IV indicates there can be no delay in the development of language to qualify for an Aspergers diagnosis. On the other hand, Attwood indicates a significant percentage of Aspergers kids do have delayed language, although they are speaking fluently by age 5.

3. Restricted and/or Repetitive Patterns of Behavior, Interests and Activities:

a. Yes. Inflexibility can occur in Aspergers, but is not required for the diagnosis. Restricted patterns of behavior, interests and activities, however, are quite common.

b. No. There can sometimes be self-injurious behavior, but severe self-abuse is much more likely to be indicative of autism.

c. Yes. Stereotyped motor mannerisms can occur in Aspergers, although serious problems in this area occur more often in autism.

d. No

Aspergers or Not?

The extent of Charlie’s language difficulties and his cognitive difficulties rule out the diagnosis of Aspergers. A more appropriate diagnosis would be autism, albeit fairly high-functioning.

This case is more complicated. Although Robert may qualify for an Aspergers diagnosis, there is not enough information in the vignette to substantiate this. His feelings of discomfort around people might suggest Aspergers, but they might just as well be indicative of another disorder, such as schizoid personality. Additional information about such issues as his use of language and any problems with perspective taking would help in formulating the diagnosis.

Mark has Aspergers. His refusal to do school work stems from his difficulty recognizing the social rules, i.e., kids are in school to work, as well as his inability to recognize the importance of restraint in his remarks. Computers and computer games are his area of special interest.

Asperger's: Daily Stresses and Others' Reactions

There is yet another aspect to the diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) that further complicates the task most families face. This aspect is that the day to day, hour by hour, moment by moment experience of life with a youngster on the spectrum may be profoundly affected in very difficult and disconcerting ways.

Unquestionably, there is tremendous variance here. Some ASD kids are relatively quiet and docile and in this respect, easier to live with. Others are quite unpredictable, even volatile, and extremely hard to manage. The most simple, mundane things most people take for granted – the natural, unquestioning way people get through the day - moms & dads of ASD kids may be unable to do. For example, some kids perseverate in ways that turn family life upside down and some become profoundly upset by the way they think things are supposed to be. Some are terrible sleepers and some may be difficult to bring out in public because of behavioral outbursts.

While the moms & dads of ASD kids desperately need time away from them, this issue, too, tends to be more complicated than in families with typical kids. Babysitters for such kids tend to be quite difficult to find. Many teenaged babysitters are unable and unwilling to deal with the challenges such kids provide and many moms & dads feel uneasy leaving their youngster in this situation. Similarly, it is often impossible to impose on one’s neighbors, friends, or even family the way many moms & dads do; one cannot simply ask to drop the youngster by while one goes to the store.

Others' Reactions—

The reaction of others often complicates the difficulties moms & dads face. One of the most painful aspects of raising a youngster on the autism spectrum can be the stares, disapproving looks, and critical remarks from passersby. This issue is often particularly problematic in families in which the kids look outwardly normal (and most of them do).

Because they look normal and are usually quite bright, kids (and adults for that matter) with Aspergers are are especially likely to be misperceived as willfully defiant. Many times their “defiant” behavior is due to misreading a situation or being incapable of effectively dealing with frustration. Sometimes moms & dads themselves do not realize their kids are not intentionally thwarting authority. Unfortunate confrontations in schools are often due to teachers and school administrators misunderstanding the disorder.

Raising Kids with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Parents' Grief and Guilt

Some parents grieve for the loss of the youngster they imagined they had. Moms and dads have their own particular way of dealing with the situation based on a number of factors (e.g., their personality style, life experiences and support systems, among others).

Clearly there are a range of stages and coping techniques, such as denial, depression, anger and rationalization. Most families recognize, at least at some level, that there is something significantly wrong with their "special needs" youngster. To at last be given a name for it (i.e., Asperger's or High-Functioning Autism) can be a relief.

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