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Aspergers Teens and Sexuality

"I need help in teaching my daughter appropriate sexual behavior. She will be 16 in June, has Asperger’s, and acts out sexually. She feels this is what she is 'supposed' to do when she likes a boy, and I just can’t get her to feel moral values."

A 16-year-old girl with Asperger’s will have a fully developed female body, but it is unlikely that she will have a full understanding of adolescent sexuality. Depending on her exposure to popular media, she may have formulated an impression of sexuality from the licentious “celebrities” that have become well-known for their use of drugs and alcohol and their fickle, promiscuous sexual behavior. Your daughter could very well believe that behaviors such as candid flirtation, physical sexual cues, sexual language, and sexual activity are what she, as you say, is supposed to do when she likes a boy. The media sends this message loud and clear!

Your daughter needs the advice of a professional counselor now as she is exhibiting behavior that could lead to very severe consequences. In addition to the negative effects of the media, teenagers with Asperger’s do not acquire “street smarts” when it comes to dating or sex. As a result, they are naïve and misinformed about sex.

Your daughter is an adolescent, and she wants to develop an identity separate from yours. One aspect of this development is challenging your thoughts and beliefs. When this happens, many parents feel that they have to be friends with their teenagers in order to keep calm in the home. In doing so, they abdicate their parental responsibility, and children suffer in the process. Your daughter still needs to have clearly defined rules while she is living in your home. You know the possible negative consequences of overtly sexual behavior, she does not. Impose specific rules with her. Considering the situation, she shouldn’t be alone with boys or go on dates without an adult who accompanies and supervises.

She may not understand why you are imposing rules. So you need to stress that they are for her benefit, now and in the future, and explain why in very specific terms (e.g., to protect her from sexual diseases, HIV/AIDS, and pregnancy). She needs to understand not just what the consequences of sexual activity are, but what will happen if she gets a venereal disease, HIV/AIDS, or gets pregnant. This will be far more meaningful to her than vague advice about “morality.”

It is imperative that you teach your daughter about sex. She needs specific details about responsible sexual behavior and the consequences of reckless intimacy. Start with basic sex education and move on from there. Freely expressing her sexual feelings because she thinks it is the only way to be accepted and loved must be countered with facts about sexual consequences and information on more appropriate ways to be accepted by boys.

The Parenting Aspergers Resource Guide


COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said... the woman throwing the Bible in our face needs to step off of her pedestal. Hypersexuality is a medical condition. My daughter goes to a Catholic school, reads the bible, and goes to church twice a week. Religion has nothing to do w her impulse control issues that cause the hypersexuality!!!!
•    Anonymous said... Have you tried to be very blunt. You do that he will want to and probably will even when you dont want or want to stop.
•    Anonymous said... I have a 16yo Aspie in similar situation. I tell her that boys are scum. They will tell you whatever you want to hear so you'll do whatever they want and when you do they'll tell everyone they know. Probably not the best approach but still. My daughter has trouble with social queues so any slight interest in her makes her feel that you love her... I'm open to any suggestions also
•    Anonymous said... I have a son and we have had many discussions on sex, consequences of sex, being prepared for sex, etc. it is not easy but having many conversations, videos and other material does help. Remember that our aspies learn more by reapeated lessons or behavior.
•    Anonymous said... I have to disagree with your idea here, (though I do agree with being blunt, just not in the same way). That sounds a lot like victim-blaming to me. Having sex with someone once does not give that person the right to their body whenever they please. Explaining it to her that way opens her up to blaming herself were she ever to be raped. She needs to understand that her body is her own, that even if she does consent once-it doesn't make it okay for someone to take as they please. On the contrary, I think you would do her better to explain that everyone feels those urges, and there is a social stigma to not keeping yourself from following them all the time. Explain that everyone has their own responsibility to respect their own body, and to share it only with those that deserve it. Perhaps some stories about what a "deserving" partner would be like, and stories that show what really *is* expected of a girlfriend her age would help. I imagine she's getting her ideas from tv and movies, like most teens, and is getting a very over-romantic idea of what teen relationships are. The difference is her NT counterparts can more easily wade through what is reasonably expectable and what isn't. Good luck
•    Anonymous said... My daughter is 10 and we've dealt w the hypersexuality already...not looking forward to when she's a teen
•    Anonymous said... not trying to make light of the situation ....not at all....my first thought though was we should introduce our kids when my son is a bit older....high functioning....13....and thinks the sex act....his words....is only for procreation and is disgusting....ugh....

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Sensory Stimulation for Children on the Autism Spectrum

"I hear a lot about 'sensory stimulation' for children with autism and other spectrum disorders. Why? Is this something all parents should be doing for their autistic child? And how do you go about it?"

Children on the autism spectrum really benefit from sensory stimulation. Stimulating the senses has a positive effect on learning as well as emotional and social growth in the child. 
 
Sensory stimulation in learning means having activities that challenge the five senses. These senses (touch, taste, smell, listening, and visual) should be included in the child's learning. 

Schools incorporate sensory stimulation in their curriculum via the basics of math and reading, special classes such as art, and extracurricular activities such as sports. The same is true for students on the autism spectrum.

Providing a sensory room (or area) can be very effective. Be as creative as you can when providing sensory stimulation for your child. There are many things you can purchase, but you can also make many things yourself. What you use should in part be determined by what your child enjoys or is seeking.

Some ideas are: 
  • A mini trampoline can provide physical exercise and sensory input.
  • Create a touch board, and attach a variety of materials from sand paper to carpet.
  • Fill a tub with sand, navy beans, or other similar item that they can play in.
  • Find different scents of potpourri that they can use for deep breathing.
  • Hang a swing from your ceiling (if it is reinforced).
  • Have music playing that your child enjoys - this can be calming music or vigorous music.
  • String blinking Christmas lights around the room.
  • Use a hammock for the child to lay in and receive deep pressure.
  • Use a variety of lotions for both scent and touch.
  • Use a vibrating massage-machine for deep touch.
  • Use play dough for touch activities.

    The purpose of this room is to waken your child's senses. It also helps him or her to calm down (when needed). It's most effective to create a schedule of when the child will be provided free time in this room. It's probably NOT best to give him or her free access to the sensory room. It's best to use the room at transition times to provide a smooth transition, or as a reward for meeting the expectations of parents (and teachers).


    Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
     

    ==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
     
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    Resources for Neurodiverse Couples:

    ==> Online Group Therapy for Men with ASD

    ==> Online Group Therapy for NT Wives

    ==> Living with ASD: eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples 

    ==> One-on-One Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by ASD

    ==> Online Group Therapy for Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder

     ==> Cassandra Syndrome Recovery for NT Wives

    ==> ASD Men's MasterClass: Social-Skills Training and Emotional-Literacy Development

    ==> Pressed for time? Watch these "less-than-one-minute" videos for on the go.

     

     4 comments:

    • Anonymous said...What about for the child (teenager) who doesn't like sensory stim? Who doesn't like to be touches, but is over-stimulated, yet has no interest in doing these things?!!
    •  Anonymous said...My ASD little boy nearly 5 had trouble settling down at night. We were advised last year by his nursery SENCO worker to use sensory play before bedtime, 20 minutes. It definitely made an improvement. From 2 hours to 30-45 minutes. I'll try the others on your list. Great article. Thank you.
    •  Anonymous said...Exactly what I did was fill the bathroom sink for water play or set the play dough table up. It was quite a different concept to the bath,bed book routine I've done for years with his older sisters. Play? Before bed?!! But it definitely calmed him. Also he started on omega 3 6 9 I believe this helps also. Lavender essential oil on his pillow too. He enjoys building mario worlds with blocks and figures lately, its ok to play before bed!!
    •  munckinsmommy said...My son is the same way sometimes...he needs to be grounded sensory wise. Try having him wear something that will give deep pressure like a heavy back pack or something tell him it will help him build muscles to attract girls....or use headphones....the cool kind other kids wear to block out sound....see if you can have them tailored to put in sound blocking naterial


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    How To Use An Effective Reward System For Aspergers Children

    “I have a ten-year-old boy with who is high functioning. We are consistent with making him aware of what is socially unacceptable and why. It seems to go in one ear and out the other though. For instance, at meal time we always tell him to eat with his mouth closed. He will do as we say for 20 seconds and then he’s right back to chewing with his mouth open. We have sent him to eat in the other room, or we take away dessert if he continues after the fourth prompt. We have had no success for the past 2 years! Do you have any ideas or do you think that it’s something he can’t help?”

    Click here for the answer...
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    Best Treatment for High-Functioning Autism

    "What would be the best treatment for my child with high functioning autism?"

    The main goals of treatment are to lessen associated deficits and family distress, and to increase quality of life and functional independence. No single treatment is best, and treatment is typically tailored to the child's needs.

    Intensive, sustained special education programs and behavior therapy early in life can help these kids acquire self-care, social, and job skills, and often improve functioning and decrease symptom severity and maladaptive behaviors. Claims that intervention "must" occur before the age of three for it to be effective are not substantiated.

    Available approaches include: 
    • applied behavior analysis
    • developmental models
    • structured teaching
    • speech and language therapy
    • social skills therapy
    • occupational therapy 

    Educational interventions have some effectiveness. Intensive ABA treatment has demonstrated effectiveness in enhancing global functioning in preschool kids and is well-established for improving intellectual performance. 

    Many medications are used to treat problems associated with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). More than half of U.S. kids diagnosed with ASD are prescribed psychoactive drugs or anticonvulsants, with the most common drug classes being antidepressants, stimulants, and anti-psychotics.

    There is scant reliable research about the effectiveness or safety of drug treatments for individuals with ASD. A child or teen with ASD may respond atypically to medications, the medications can have adverse effects, and no known medication relieves ASD's core symptoms of social and communication difficulties.

    Although many alternative therapies and interventions are available, few are supported by scientific studies. Treatment approaches have little empirical support in quality-of-life contexts, and many programs focus on success measures that lack predictive validity and real-world relevance. Scientific evidence appears to matter less to service providers than program marketing, training availability, and parent requests.

    Though most alternative treatments (e.g., melatonin) have only mild adverse effects, some may place the child at risk. One study found that, compared to their peers, boys with ASD have significantly thinner bones if on casein-free diets. And in 2005, botched chelation therapy killed a five-year-old child with Autism.


    Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
     

    ==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
     
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    What parents have to say:
    • Anonymous said...Why does Aspergers need to be treated? It's not a disease like juvenile diabetes where without insulin the child will die!!!! Aspergers is an exceptionality!! The child needs to be loved,taught and supported not cured. The public needs to be educated. The parents who need to treat or cure their autistic child need to accept their child and help then develop to their full potential just like any other child. I wouldn't change a single thing about my Aspie! She wouldn't be the great person she is without it. We need to celebrate Autism not make it something shameful. How can we expect others to accept our child if we don't accept them ourselves? Parents need to be ok with who their child is so the child can accept who they are. When that happens, society will accept them too. Acceptance begins at home with the parents.
    • Anonymous said... If your deciding factor for treating a medical conditions is only to prevent the patient from dying, of course not, it should not be treated. However, if a significant improvement can be made in the quality of life of the child (as well as any individual with a disorder) you will find that most people would favor safe effective treatments for any non-life treathening diorder.
    • Anonymous said...Why does Aspergers need to be treated? Because my 17-year-old daughter spends her life in her room instead of doing any of the things girls her age should be doing.
    • Tasha said...I am not looking for something to cure Aspergers but something to help my son focus so that he can do his school work. Any ideas would be helpful. Thanks
    • Unknown said...I need medication:((( I'm only 11 and am really depressed:(( can anyone help meee!? Please.my parents don't support me they just think I'm stupid.. any advice??
    • Unknown said... You're a very bright young lady. I'm sorry your parents don't understand. My daughter is 12 & we are learning more about high functioning autism and aspergures. Don't give up. You're important & things will get better.
     

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    Aspergers Kids & Temper Tantrums in Public

    "What do you suggest we do when we are out shopping and our Aspie son has a massive temper tantrum right there in the store for all to see?"

    All moms and dads have experienced the tempter tantrum in the grocery store or restaurant. While kids with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism may have tantrums that seem larger than life at times, they are still tantrums. 

    Here are some tips:
    1. Prior to going on out somewhere, it is important that your Aspie is prepared for what is going to take place. Explain where you are going, what you will be doing, and how long you will be doing it. Use a picture story board that describes the basic steps of a shopping trip (one that you have already created for such an event).
    2. You may want to have your child engage in some physical activity and play so that he's calm for the outing.
    3. You will want to establish what the expectations are for your child's behavior during the outing. State these expectations immediately before exiting your front door. You will need to keep in mind his age when giving expectations. Don't overload him with rules, but be consistent.
    4. As you shop, ask your child to help you pick out some of the items; enlist his help. 
    5. Monitor his behavior very closely on the outing. If you sense that he is becoming overwhelmed, intervene at that point. Tantrums are not only embarrassing for you, but for your youngster as well. He doesn't want to behave this way, so if you can help him avoid it, you should.
    6. If you are going to be out-and-about for an extended period of time, prepare for it. Bring with you activities or things that your youngster enjoys to keep him occupied.
    7. If he doesn't function well while out on trips, then start with brief periods of time at first. Go on an outing for 10-15 minutes, and if all goes well, reinforce that behavior. Then gradually increase that time period.
    8. If the outing is not for your child's benefit, then don't ask him to engage in an activity for extended periods of time. Don't expect him to sit quietly for hours while you shop -- that's unfair to any child.
    9. If a tantrum occurs at any point -- leave! Stop what you are doing, and get out of that store. DO NOT stand there and try to reason with your child at this point!! Also, don't create more tension by making a big deal of it. Just remove him from the area. This may mean just leaving for a few minutes until his behavior becomes calm, or it may mean putting the trip off until a later date and simply returning home. When your child has calmed down, tell him what was inappropriate, and why you left early. Try not to continue the discussion about his behavior once you are home. It is over!
    10. Create a social story about "how to remain calm during trips," and have your child read that story often.
    11. Reward your child with a special treat or activity if he completes the trip without incident.
    12. When you must make long trips (3 hours or longer), consider leaving the child at home with a family member or babysitter. 


    COMMENTS:

    •    Anonymous said... Don't take him in the first place. You are not dealing with a normal kid having a fit. He can't help it! We learned a long time ago, if our aspie didn't want to do something or go a certain place, it is just easier not to. There are way bigger battles than going to wal mart that you will have to fight, so let some of the little ones go. His life is probably hard enough as is.
    •    Anonymous said... go home
    •    Anonymous said... I use to start a week before shopping day explaining that shopping was this certain day, which was a Friday night due to quietness...if he had a meltdown (which was often) I would hold him tight (but not restrained) slow my breathing down until he was in tune with me which sometimes took a couple of minutes, meanwhile he would be hitting, kicking and telling me he hated me which I would respond 'I love you too'...we did this ritual for about 12 months, now he knows we go shopping on the weekend and we can go any day at any time on the weekend, or during the week after school if necessary, he still doesn't like it too much but is a lot better at handling himself, he now has skills to cope...he is now 12
    •    Anonymous said... If you change the plan in anyway, or go to a stop along the way, get prepared for a melt down. The best advice is tell him ahead of time where you are going what you are doing and stick to it. If you have to make an unexpected stop, only one of you get out the other stays in the car with the kid. Otherwise you will have a melt down. period
    •    Anonymous said... Ignore everyone but you and your child
    •    Anonymous said... Mine MUST sit in the cart, so that means it's a two parent trip every time. HE'S getting to big for the carts now, so it will be a game plan change. He also must wear ear protection (head set) since he has above superior hearing.
    •    Anonymous said... My son once had a tantrums in public and twice people threatened to call cps on me! People who do not have autistic children simply do not understand that a child will meltdown over the smallest things.
    •    Anonymous said... Nice suggestions guys, but single parents don't have the luxury of leaving the child at home or having a second adult present. Likewise, doing your shopping later sounds good, but there are times when that isn't possible (like when you're there to pick up the medication for the child that controls the violent, impulsive behavior). Sometimes, the kid just needs to be able to suck it up and get through it (mine is 12 and still has difficulties). I was once counseled by a first responder to carry a letter in your purse or wallet from the child's doctor explaining his diagnosis and assuring the reader that the parent knows what they are doing and how they might help. The parent, if heavily engaged in restraining or "managing" the out of control child, can then direct the first responder to the letter so they do not misunderstand the situation and take actions that might make matters even worse. Melt downs are ugly and often misunderstood by observers. Not exposing the child to activities that require self control, even when it is difficult, sets the child up to be confused as an adult when the challenges of life are not "fixed" for him or her.
    •    Anonymous said... This article is a perfect answer!
    •    Anonymous said... Look the first thing is you can't be embarrassed. You child is wired different, embrace that! Many time when my son starts to act out I will try to get him under Control which in it's self a challange. It if people are being really nosy I will explain that he has aspergers. If they don't like it I just look in their eye and simply say "walk a mile in his shoes then you can judge"
    •    Anonymous said... My child is special I love him for all he is. Even though the are days I want to pop his little head off smile emoticon
    •    Anonymous said... Stores are noisy, bright, boring, overwhelming, smelly, and generally not a sensory friendly atmosphere at all. If you absolutely must take him with you, make it short, occupy him with something useful like checking items off a list, and try to recognize when too much is getting close.
    •    Anonymous said... When my son was younger it was difficult and he did have a lot meltdowns because of sensory issues. Some people say don't bring your child at all but I have to disagree with that, you need to teach them about the real world because at some point in their life they will have to face the real world. And if you keep them away from all that and confined they are not going learn how to cope. My son is now almost 13 and does wonderfully no more meltdowns. He has learned how to handle it.
     
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    Understanding Theory of Mind Deficits in Autistic Children: Misbehavior or Misunderstanding?

    The concept of "theory of mind" refers to the ability to understand that others have their own beliefs, desires, and intentions, w...