Search This Blog

"Learned Helplessness" in People on the Autism Spectrum

Tips for Parents of Kids on the Autism Spectrum Who Don't Respond Well to Discipline

Question

My 10-year-old son has been getting into trouble on multiple levels lately. He’s had two referrals at school within the last week, and his behavior at home is totally unacceptable. We've tried about everything we know to do at this point. How do you effectively discipline an obstinate child with autism (high functioning)?

Answer

Disciplining kids and teens with a developmental disorder like High-Functioning Autism (HFA) and Asperger's (AS) can be extremely difficult, so don't feel like you're the only parent who's ever had a problem with it. Obviously, your son does have to learn some things, and like all children, discipline will need to come into play.

Here are 21 critical disciplinary tips for parents of kids on the autism spectrum:

1. A common complaint of moms and dads with HFA and AS kids is the almost obsessive nature that the disorder can have with a certain object or action. Repeated words, a fixation on a collection, or the obsession with a character or television show is an indicator of HFA/AS, and as a parent, you have the power to limit the interest so that your youngster can experience other things. Make time each day for your youngster to indulge in his interest, but introduce other things to him as well.

2. As a parent, you may find yourself constantly explaining the condition to other moms and dads, teachers and friends. It is your duty to clear the path for your youngster's interactions by letting others know about the disorder and explaining how it might affect their relationship with your youngster. Creating awareness makes it easier for your youngster to interact with others who understand why he is different and don't take offense to the things he says and does.

3. Kids with an autism spectrum disorder thrive on clear rules, therefore posting a list of unacceptable behaviors and their consequences can be immensely helpful. For younger kids who cannot read yet, the rules should be reviewed periodically, and the list could also have visual illustrations to demonstrate the bad behaviors and punishments associated.

4. Kids with HFA and AS often have trouble both understanding communication and comprehending tone of voice. Sometimes a visual instruction is more effective than a verbal one, since your youngster can review the action as often as needed. Visuals can be used to suggest schedules, chores and even processes like the correct way to use the bathroom. Use pictures, photographs and cartoons to help your son understand what is expected.

5. Cognitive-behavioral therapies are often used to help a child on the autism spectrum unlearn his undesirable behaviors and replace them with more positive behaviors. Through this therapeutic technique, the child will learn to recognize the behaviors that need to be discontinued and come up with strategies to change his behaviors in the moment, until the change becomes permanent.

6. Create a list of behaviors and actions your youngster can't control due to the his diagnosis. These may include repetitive behaviors such as spinning or hand flapping, along with poor peer relations and easy distractablity. Your youngster may require help and guidance to overcome these issues. However, he should not be disciplined for behaviors related directly to the disorder.

7. Determine preventative instructions to help your youngster learn the appropriate way to handle difficult situations. Through role play, discussion and stories, you can provide your youngster with alternatives to hitting, yelling and throwing. Social stories, developed to help HFA and AS kids understand difficult situations, may be particularly helpful for teaching about appropriate and inappropriate behaviors. Because kids with the disorder often process information slowly, repeat your preventative instructions numerous times.

8. Develop an appropriate format for instructing your youngster about behaviors that are unacceptable and that will result in a negative consequence. Because the symptoms often include difficulty processing information, the list may need to be verbalized, written down and displayed in picture format. Copying the list and placing it throughout the house may also be helpful.

9. Establish a clear list of unacceptable behaviors for your youngster. Include insights and feedback from your spouse, your child’s doctor, babysitters, teachers and others who regularly interact with your youngster. These inappropriate behaviors include things like aggression, rude language, defiance and non compliance.

10. Implement a consequence plan. For each negative behavior you have identified as inappropriate from your youngster, decide the consequence. Discipline needs to be clear, concise, consistent and calm. If your youngster misbehaves, tell him in a few words what he did wrong and tell him the consequence (e.g., "Hitting your brother is inappropriate. Go sit in the timeout chair for 5 minutes").

11. Trouble can arise from friends who take advantage of an HFA or AS youngster. While your son may enjoy friendships, his unique situation may become a cause for concern when he is not able to properly communicate with friends or allows friends to take advantage of him. Only allow your son to spend time with other kids that you know and trust, under a parent's supervision. Once you become more comfortable with friends and social situations, you can slowly allow your son more freedom.

12. Children on the spectrum tend to enjoy being isolated because it is less stressful for them and they do not have to socialize with others. For these kids, time-outs can actually be a positive experience unless modified slightly. Removing kids from something fun might be a better alternative. For example, if a youngster loves to play with blocks, perhaps the blocks should go in the time-out area. A timer can be used, and this will help parents be more consistent when applying time-outs. Kids prone to destructive tantrums may be placed in a room that contains no breakable items or one that has pillows children can use to get out their frustrations.

13. Moms and dads need time-outs. If one parent is home with the "special needs" child all day long, that parent may need a break later. Moms and dads should pay attention to one another and give each other time to decompress when necessary. Develop a hand signal or other visual clue that lets the other know when these moments arise.

14. Moms and dads need to be in agreement when applying discipline to any youngster, but especially for kids with an autism spectrum disorder. If one parent thinks spanking is the appropriate punishment while the other feels that time-outs will be more effective, this will be confusing for the youngster. Time-outs, loss of privileges such as video games, TV, or weekly allowances, a fair fining structure (as in police ticketing) with a cost associated with each offending behavior or additional chores can all be used effectively.

15. Moms and dads should list the behaviors that they feel are most deserving of attention. This is an important step because some behaviors may need intervention or therapy in order to be eliminated rather than simple disciplinary tactics. For example, running in circles or humming may be habits that the youngster is using to self-soothe, even though these behaviors might drive moms and dads crazy. Odd self-soothing behaviors are common in kids on the autism spectrum with sensory processing (integration) issues, and they can be easily replaced with more appropriate ones (such as swinging on a swing or chewing on a healthy snack).

16. Review your discipline plan regularly. Consider your consistency regarding implementation of the plan. Evaluate your youngster's behavior and determine if the plan needs revisions based on her age, development or behavioral changes.

17. Social skills and the ability to communicate are often lost when a child has to deal with the HFA/AS condition. These children may have trouble observing the way others behave. In addition, a child with the disorder will have trouble reading and reacting correctly to another person's emotions, which could lead to a lack of relationship success. Despite this, the child can be taught social skills and effective communication techniques. These children can learn how to read nonverbal communication techniques and properly socialize if his learning occurs in an explicit and rote manner through social skills training.

18. Stickers, tokens and other incentives are effective ways of motivating your child. Also, whenever a problem behavior is identified, early interventions and tactics should be applied. These include replacing unacceptable self-soothing behaviors, relaxation techniques, floor time play therapy, music therapy, and auditory therapies, which help a youngster focus and listen better.

19. Whenever a bad behavior occurs, natural consequences will result. Sometimes, moms and dads must apply these consequences when kids are young. For example, if a youngster isn't sharing with another, that other youngster should be asked to leave. This will simulate the most likely scenario that will occur in a playground.

20. Your son likely has triggers that can cause him to become distraught or upset. Watch carefully for these triggers and distract your youngster when you sense a loss of temper or an outburst. For example, if your youngster thrives on a schedule and you need to change it for some reason, let your youngster know carefully and watch for signs of a meltdown during the change. You can then bring along a favorite item to distract your youngster from becoming upset.

21. Make sure your son “understands” what he is doing wrong! For example, do you talk back to him? Why, then, is it inappropriate for him to talk back to you? Maybe he has an issue with the other person's mind. This lack of “other awareness” or “Theory of Mind” is common in AS and HFA. Maybe he said something that was insulting, but didn't realize it. At that point, try and explain why it is that he said something wrong. Make sure you have explained to him what it is that he did, and why you are angry. It's not always easy, but sometimes reasoning it out in a logical way will help you vocalize what's wrong and will help him realize what “the rule” is and what he has to do to follow it.




Parents' Comments:

*   Anonymous said... My opinion is to talk with the school and people who understand his functioning level and have them support you with ideas to help the home life. Spanking is not going to work on any child, I get the old school, I was born in the 70's but in today's day there is just no research that shows spanking helps at all especially l for a child that is different and not understanding. Honestly the spanking help the adult feel superior and there are other ways to gain his respect. So what I would do is figure out what he understands and there has to be something, computer, videos, activity that he loves. Make a chart for the wall that he can visible see. Once he get's through the day following the rules, let him have his preferred time with a reward, keep that up daily, if he does not, then he gets no reward. Continue doing this and spread out the time to a good week, a good month, etc....allow for mistakes and be forgiving. I hoep some of this helps, but without knowing your child, its hard for me to say. Please speake with school teachers, therapists etc....
•    Anonymous said… Every child will be different, esp aspie kids. Know what your child's currency is(interests, what they love to do) and use that to create a balance. They need extra steps taken and consistency is the key. If they 'get it' after the 20th try, don't be discouraged when they forget it on the 25th try. Set clear boundaries for them and reward for good behavior hold the reward for bad behavior. I have my daughter repeat back to me what was wrong and what we should have done. Don't give up. You are your child's best advocate. It's hard, very hard. But your child is worth it. Once you pick your battle too, don't give in. Change strategies if you need to, but don't give in. I recently learned how much my daughter was 'getting it'. More than I expected. She has problems with 'expressive' language . Just don't give up
They are amazing kids!!.
•    Anonymous said… Huge problem! Even when I slightly raise my voice is like I'm screaming at her. She has trouble self calming and haven't been able to send her to her room for many years as she would either hurt herself, break something or just become an emotional wreck. She's now 12 and started high school and it seems to be getting worse. However she is getting better at coming back and apologising
•    Anonymous said… My son is 10yr, we have been dealing with it almost 2 yrs.? I have found no answers to your question. It is a daily battle.
•    Anonymous said… Our son is HFA too. We tell him what is expected, what the reward is and what the consequence is/are. We always follow through. My husband and I are on the same page so he knows there is no "weaker" parent. Our son works towards earning his Friday McDonalds, watching Clone Wars and Legos, which are his favorite things. We use these as "carrots" for preferred behavior. We tell him what he has to do to earn them by listing them out in simple terms. We tell him that if he does a, b, or c (bad behavior) that he will not get the above. For example, if he gets a warning at school then no tv that day (as an immediate consequence) and he also loses out at the end of the week rewards. Our son has great difficulty reading facial expressions so we have to be direct and to the point. He sometimes says he forgives us after he gets into trouble and disciplined. We let him know that he was the one in the wrong and why, again and again if needed. Don't give up, they do get it.
•    Anonymous said… social stories....teaching outside of the situation is almost a "have to" I have found. Spanking and raising a voice has other adverse effects way more than a typical child and that connection is definitely not there between misbehavior and consequence because what they did "wrong" wasn't wrong in their sight. I HAVE found with our kiddo, and everyone is different, is that he CAN learn what mom/dad thinks is right or wrong by repetition. He still might not "get it" deep down but he is still learning what is socially acceptable through my repeated reactions/expectations.
•    Anonymous said… Yet another gem! Keep them coming!! It is nice to find info. on lots of issues on THE ONE PAGE!! Thank you for your concise and valuable information!
*   Anonymous said... My son is 10 and his meltdowns are quite serious, I am a single mother and trying my hardest to deal with this aspect of his behavior.His teacher who thinks that my child is just being lazy says he is capable of more and will push him until he loses it then he will just shut down completely, sadly he doesn't seem to have one positive thing to say about my son who really does try his best but "struggles" with understanding the work.


Please post your comment below... 

Why Kids on the Autism Spectrum Prefer Things Over People




Highly Acclaimed Parenting Programs Offered by Online Parent Support, LLC:

Tips for Young People on the Autism Spectrum Who Are Considering Attending College

Question

My 'high functioning autistic' son needs help finding a job? He is really interested in art and is an excellent artist - a God-given talent. He has never gone to school and he is awesome. But I wanted him to go into that field and he is a little scared, he says that college is too hard. He doesn't really understand what I am trying to explain to him about taking just a few classes. I really think that he should pursue a career in that area. Any suggestions on how I can get him to follow that gift?

Answer

Most people who find actual work in the field of art have had some type of formal training (although this is not always the case). The occupations listed below represent some of the diverse career opportunities available to art majors. Some require additional education.

• Advertising Artist
• Animator
• Art Acquisition Specialist
• Art Agent
• Art Instructor
• Art Specialist
• Audiovisual Specialist
• Billboard Artist
• Book Designer
• Book Jacket Designer
• CAD Designer
• Cartoonist
• CD/Record Cover Designer
• Children's Book Illustrator
• Collection Manager
• Comic Strip Artist
• Corporate Designer
• Crafts-person
• Custom Decorator
• Desktop Publishing Artist
• Exhibit Designer
• Fashion Designer
• Flatware Designer
• Floral Designer
• Freelance Artist
• Furniture Designer
• Gallery Director
• Graphic Designer
• Greeting Card Artist
• Illustrator
• Interior Designer
• Jewelry Designer
• Journalistic Artist
• Letterer
• Magazine Designer
• Manager (Museum/Gallery)
• Medical Illustrator
• Museum Curator
• Package Designer
• Photographer
• Picture Framer
• Portrait Artist
• Potter
• Press Operator
• Printing Craftsman
• Production Artist
• Production Potter
• Production Coordinator
• Professor of Art/Art History
• Set Designer
• Stylist
• Tattoo Artist
• Technical Illustrator
• Textile Designer
• TV Graphic Designer
• Web Designer

Deciding to go to school/college – part-time or full-time – is a major decision for anyone. High-Functioning Autism (HFA) and Asperger's can bring additional considerations into the decision. Some may do best in a structured program for people with special needs, or even in a non-degree program that prepares them for living independently, either as an intermediate step before going on to college, or in place of an associate's or bachelor's degree. Others can thrive in more traditional college campus settings with less support.

All schools in the U.S. are required by law to make "reasonable accommodations" for people with documented disabilities. Young people on the autism spectrum should not be discouraged from applying to any school just because they are on the Autistic Spectrum. The fact that a school has not yet worked with these individuals does not mean that it would not be a good match for any given individual, or that it should be automatically ruled out.

However, if a school ends up failing to provide appropriate accommodations (or if they make a sincere effort, but lack the experience to make it work) the person with HFA is the one who will suffer the most. That is why a school's experience with autism spectrum disorders, and the services they currently offer, may need to be taken into account. Supports to insure the inclusion, retention, and success of people with HFA and Asperger's can - and should - be implemented at every college.
 

Here are some tips for young people with HFA and Asperger's who are considering attending college:

1. A tutor may be helpful, especially for the more challenging courses and for courses that require students to write papers and do independently structured projects. Tutorial services are often available. The program that provides disabilities services will be able to provide information about what is available and how to access these services.

2. Call and write home frequently for support and encouragement from parents.

3. Congratulate yourself for having the ambition to attend college and not letting yourself be limited by a limitation. If you’ve made it this far, there’s no telling what else you will do.

4. Consider taking a few classes online. People on the spectrum may be overwhelmed by the harsh lighting and noise from a classroom. You may want to check and see if a couple of your required classes may be taken online. However, be advised that taking classes online actually requires more self-discipline than in a traditional classroom.

5. Courses that require abstract verbal reasoning, flexible problem solving, extensive writing, or social reasoning are often challenging for people on the spectrum. Such courses may be valuable to take, but could require extra time and support. Taking courses in communication and psychology in order to improve social understanding and skills is advised.

6. Do your best! Instructors are usually very sensitive to people who have special needs. However, this also means they expect you to attend class unless you have medical documentation.

7. Due to difficulties in processing and screening sensory information, a distraction-free environment may be important for ongoing studying, and for taking tests.

8. Establish a medical care provider near your campus. This is extremely important because as a person with HFA, you have special medical conditions that many college people will not share. Do some research online or ask your hometown physician for a referral.

9. For many students with HFA, it is preferable to have a single room. This provides them with a sanctuary where they can control their environment, focus on their work and daily activities without distraction, and not be forced to engage in social interaction all the time. Having a roommate can be highly stressful. On the other hand, it is often helpful to have a mentor nearby.

10. For some students on the spectrum, a reduced course load can help keep the stress levels more manageable.
 

11. For many students with HFA and Asperger's, living on one’s own may be overwhelming at first. They often need more support than most college freshman for making social connections. All campuses have organized social groups and activities; most students on the spectrum will enjoy participating in some of these, but may need guidance in finding the right groups and getting introduced.

12. Have the number of a personal counselor nearby. You may have your good days and bad. Some issues can be especially daunting for a college student with HFA. There’s no shame in speaking with a counselor on campus that can help you work through those issues.

13. If you are planning on living in a dorm, you may want to let the administration know about your disorder or request a private room. If you are someone who is extremely sensitive to external stimuli (light, sound, etc.), you may want to be placed in a “study floor” instead of a “sorority wing.” Or, if possible, you may want to request a private room so that you have a little more control over your environment.

14. In lecture halls, seating can be important. Sitting at or close to the front, and sometimes in the center of the row, can make it easier to hear and understand a lecture. Some people on the spectrum find it easier to sit near the front but in an aisle seat, so that they have a bit more room to spread out and are less likely to be bumped.

15. In many colleges, the disabilities services program will write a letter to relevant professors, indicating that a person has a disability and may need accommodations. This letter might be the HFA student's responsibility to give to the teacher, or it might be sent out to each teacher. In either case, it is then likely to be the student's responsibility to follow up with the teacher and request specific accommodations (e.g., seating, time on tests).

16. It is important to be aware that most students with HFA and Asperger's need clear, systematic organizational strategies for academic work and probably for aspects of daily living. Calendars, checklists, and other visual strategies for organizing activities should be used by the special needs student.

17. Join an activity to meet people with similar interests to your own. Socializing is not something that always comes easily to people on the autism spectrum. Think of those activities you enjoy or in which you have succeeded. There are bound to be groups or clubs focusing on that activity.

18. Let your teachers know of your condition and what may be helpful to you. If possible, arrange a meeting with them before the beginning of the semester, but no later than the first week. They will probably respect your honesty and the initiative you are taking in your courses. Also, don’t hesitate to ask for help. Instructors are usually willing to help someone who asks for it.

19. Many people with HFA need a little longer to process information and organize responses. This can mean that they will take a little longer in responding to questions in class. It also means that he or she should receive the accommodation of extra time on tests.

20. Many students with HFA need extra time for thinking about problems and for completing work. This means that they may need longer than most students for reading and doing assignments. This should be taken into account in planning your course load so you will not be overwhelmed.
 

21. Many students on the spectrum will do best in courses that draw on factual memory and/or visual perceptual skills. A sensitive counselor or academic advisor can help guide him or her to a curriculum that will capitalize on his or her strengths and interests.

22. Obtain certification of your disorder from your medical professional. In order to obtain accommodations on a college campus (e.g., disability support services), you will probably be required to have documentation of HFA from a doctor, neurologist, or psychiatrist.

23. Seek career counseling as soon as possible. Finding a job after graduation is particularly challenging for people on the spectrum. Unfortunately, society tends to focus on the limitations that come with the word “autism” rather than the strengths. So you may want to write down some activities you really enjoy doing or perform particularly well. This can be very helpful for a career counselor who will work to provide you with some direction in terms of courses, volunteer, and internship opportunities.

24. Some classes include projects on which students work together in small groups. Sometimes talks must be given in front of the classes. Some professors include class participation as a component of the grade. These requirements can be challenging for students with difficulties in oral communication or in working as part of a group. When this is the case, you should be advised to talk to the professor about his or her disability early in the semester.

25. Some professors assign seating or have students remain in the same seat all semester. In this case, students may need to talk to the professor in order to arrange for seating needs. Sometimes seating is on a first-come, first-served basis all semester. In this case, you should get to the first class early.

26. Utilize your advisor. Take an active approach with your advisor. It can’t hurt to mention your disorder so you can work with your advisor to find a career that is compatible with your strengths. Share the results of any career testing with your advisor, so that you may receive more guidance.

27. When applying for college or a program, it is a good idea to indicate your disability. Of course, you are not required to do so. However, state institutions are not permitted to discriminate against someone due to a disability.

28. Without delay, locate the disability support services on campus. This is very important, as they will likely be the professionals who will arrange (or provide verification) for you to receive necessary accommodations to perform well in your courses.

29. Write down your strengths as well as your limitations. Society tends to focus on the limitations of autism spectrum disorders rather than the strengths. You need to advocate for yourself by writing down what you do well and those tasks in which you have succeeded.

30. Try to think through various aspects of daily life on campus, to figure out the likely pitfalls, and provide written guidelines, checklists, or advance training/preparation, for example:
  • budget
  • building in time for physical exercise
  • campus maps
  • dorm rules
  • e-mail and instant messaging
  • finding rest rooms
  • first aid and how to take care of oneself during a minor illness
  • handling fire drills in the middle of the night
  • how lectures work
  • laundry
  • learning about and participating in dorm activities
  • library hours and how to get help from a librarian
  • meal plans and their rules
  • spending money
  • student health services and medical emergencies (and non-emergencies)
  • transportation
  • using a campus ID and charge card
  • using communal bathrooms
  • using the alarm clock
  • where to eat at non-meal times

==> Launching Adult Children With Aspergers: How To Promote Self-Reliance

2024 Statistics of Autism in Chinese Children

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) has emerged as a significant public health concern worldwide, and China is no exception. As of 2024, new rese...