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What the Future Holds for Your Teenager on the Autism Spectrum

"I would like to know what to expect from a high functioning autistic child in the teenage years. My son was diagnosed 2 years ago. I know they say that they can suffer from this and that, but what is the long-term goal, what can we expect, what not to expect?"

Young people with ASD level 1 or High-Functioning Autism (HFA) often have a difficult time between the ages of 13 and 19. They may be socially excluded and face rejection by their peers if they act differently from others. They want to be accepted and liked, but often don’t know how to behave and communicate appropriately. School is demanding and they long for friends. The goal for your HFA son is to make it through the teen years with the following:
  • his self-esteem intact
  • at least a friend or two
  • knowledge that his family loves him
  • a high school diploma
 
There are some teens that manage to navigate these years successfully because they don’t care about peer pressure and focus on a special interest of their own (e.g., chess or computers). So, encouraging your son to develop a special interest may help him at this time of life. A special interest may encourage friendships with other teens that have the same interest as well, making it easier to talk to and make friends with others.
 
==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with High-Functioning Autism

A big problem for HFA teens is that often they don’t care about fads, clothing, celebrities, and teen communication devices (e.g., cell phones or Facebook). Your son’s interests may be more appropriate for younger children. Boys may be rejected if they are not interested in sports. Some of these issues can be resolved, though.

Help your son become aware of teen fads and how to talk about sports, celebrities, rituals, and school events. Encourage him to leave text messages for and arrange social engagements with peers. Perhaps he could join school clubs, especially those that focus on his special interest. Explain to your teen that he does not have to tell everyone that he has the disorder. He may enjoy talking with other HFA teens in internet chat rooms.

Your son may ignore personal hygiene and wear clothes and a haircut that are not in style. Find a same sex friend who will help him choose appropriate clothes to wear. Monitor your teen’s hygiene and create reminder notes or charts for him about daily bathing, tooth brushing, etc. Reward him for good hygiene, if that’s what it takes!

“Special needs” teens are sometimes not very well-informed about sex and dating. Boys may be very naïve or too forward with girls. Hormones cause rampant emotions, which HFA teens can’t handle. If they get angry, they may physically attack others or have a “melt down.”

You must teach your teen about sex. Provide books for him to read. Choose books that aren’t overly “clinical.” Be specific and detailed about safe sex. Never be judgmental or punish him when he confides in you; instead, counsel him. Boys need to be told that masturbating should take place only at home, in private. Teens on the autism spectrum often respond to “rules” by obeying them. Establish some rules for your son (e.g., “We have a rule in our house that teenagers should not have sex because they are too young to handle the emotions and problems that may occur”).

Some HFA teens develop problems with drugs and alcohol because they are eager to do what other teens do. They are not able to determine a “good” crowd from a “bad” crowd. Other teens may take advantage of your son’s eagerness to be liked and convince him to buy and/or take alcohol or drugs. You must always know where your son is, who he is with, what he is supposed to be doing, and the characters of the other teens he hangs around. Emphasize that drugs and alcohol are illegal. Teens on the spectrum are “rule-oriented,” so this may help your son avoid problems.

HFA teens may have school problems because of the difficulty in dealing with more than one teacher. Each classroom is a different environment, which may be confusing. Some teachers may be hostile. Some assignments may be overwhelming. Keep in close touch with your son’s teachers. A placement into Special Education may be necessary when a teen on the spectrum enters middle school. Some tens on the spectrum need special classes even though they didn’t before.

Make sure your son has a “safe place” at school where he can share emotions with a teacher, nurse, guidance counselor, or psychologist. If your son experiences harassment and/or rejection at school and the staff does not help, a special education placement or a therapeutic boarding school can give professionals a chance to assist your teen academically and socially.

Suicide may become a possibility for a few teens with autism. If you have any worries about this, get help immediately from a psychologist or psychiatrist.
 
==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with High-Functioning Autism

Use reasoning and negotiation with your son, instead of orders. If possible, give him two choices rather than telling him what he must do in a situation. He will have more control over his life and feel less resentment. He will be less likely to listen to you (like all teens!) at this age and may exhibit anger and impatience. He may hate school and resist everything you want him to do. Depression is common. If these problems occur, your son may need counseling.

Most autistic teens learn to drive successfully because they obey the rules! Have your son carry a cell phone and a card that explains the disorder. Teach him to call you in a crisis and to give the card to any police officer who stops him. Role play with him so he knows what to do and say if stopped by an officer.

Some teenagers on the autism spectrum do well in summer jobs in an area of special interest or with little contact with the public. Occupational therapy will help your son get ready for adulthood. Special programs are available that teach job and living skills. This will reduce his dependency on you. And above all, ask for help from professionals when you or your son need it.



==> Has your child on the autism spectrum been experiencing a lot of sadness lately? If so, here are a bunch of suggestions to assist in the matter...

Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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Here’s what other parents have had to say:

• Anonymous said… All of this is happening with my 15-year-old HFA. It can be heartbreaking for the parent. I just take it day by day.
• Anonymous said… Great article
• Anonymous said… Great article! My HFA is 39 & married now but that article was spot on with ways to help them through it.
• Anonymous said… I have a 16-year-old son that has not been diagnosed yet, but it is very obvious to us he is an HFA. Personally, I am very happy he is not interested in the 'teen fads", makes life much easier in my opinion. He could use a few friends though.
• Anonymous said… I will be homeschooling my son next year. I knew this would start happening. Just glad I have the option to homeschool:)
• Anonymous said… Nice article. My son who is now 17 has faced some of those issues and through counseling has been able to overcome many difficulties. He had a much rougher time in the early teens. Now he is more comfortable in his own skin. He doesn't necessarily follow trends in clothes, has let his hair grow. Still needs reminders with hygiene every now and then, but I believe he is on the road to independence. I want my son to have as beat normal life as possible, I don't want his condition to limit his potentials and who he will be. He can achieve greatness because he is a good kid. He gives me a hard time, but what teenager doesn't. I take it as a phase and guide him in all I can. His school has been very supportive and his peers accept him for who he is. Even when people snicker about him, he pays them no mind. I do like the advice about the HFA card in the wallet. He is learning how to drive and this is a good idea for when he will be driving by hi self and gets stopped by the police. Thanks for sharing this article.
• Anonymous said… Thank you for the article. My son turns 13 this year, I am sure I will be putting this info to good use.
•    Anonymous said... My son Liam is now 14. The best thing I did was have a behavior specialist come to the house once a week, which insurance covers, to help with things throughout the years like facial recognition, conversation with others, even just sitting in his chair and not crawling under the table when he got upset. He grew, matured, and learned, slower than the other kids yes, but still slow and steady learned to manage his behaviors. Now that he is a teenager he decided to do virtual school at home because the business of school, hallways, and other kids faired to distracting for him. He is doing great. Good grades, on a bowling team, has a few friends. Best thing you can do is join you child in something if they are not noise sensitive. It gives them a sense of belonging to a team. Liam started when he was 7 and is still on the team. He does his own laundry, vaccums his room, manages his schedule, takes care of his cat. Can't wait till he can get a job. So proud of him. So to answer your question an hour later lol you have lots of great stuff to look forward to if you get the right help. Also the behavior specialist made me feel like I had someone on my side and I wasn't alone. Relieved some of the stress.
•    Anonymous said... My daughter uses a note book to communicate with teachers, when she feels she can't talk or ask something. She has a brilliant sen support net work at school too and I have one main person who communicates everything to me. Her mood swings can change so quickly that each day is different, just make sure you keep talking to each other x
•    Anonymous said... I found Social Thinking books for teens excellent resource for your teen and you to read (very appealing to teens for how to on social stuff while insightful for parents) An advocate for you and student at school is huge. I truly enjoy communicating with my son and his perspective. Reason, logic, and showing you respect his viewpoint, but he must do the same. Clear, consistent logic. Plus if you want to hear about your teen's day tell them about yours, a chance to walk him through social situations at school.
•    Anonymous said... expect nothing, take each day as it comes and keep clear communication with him as much as possible, try to get him to tell you his feelings and opinions on things so you'll have an idea of how he's perceiving the world, make sure school are on board and check with him which teachers he trusts the most, these are the ones you need the most contact with so you can be part of the same team in helping him, as for hormones, expect the same as you'd expect from any teen. 

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Tantrums in Public: Tip for Parents of Kids on the Autism Spectrum

"Any tips for avoiding temper tantrums when my 5-year-old (high functioning) son and I are out shopping?"

All parents have experienced the temper tantrum in the grocery store or the restaurant. While young people with High-Functioning Autism and may have tantrums that seem larger than life at times, they are still tantrums.

Here are some tips for parents:
1. Prior to going on outings, it is important that your child is prepared for what is going to take place. So explain the trip's agenda in depth.

2. You may want to have your child engage in some physical activity and play prior to the trip so that he is calm (and slightly worn-out) for the outing.

3. You also want to establish what the expectations are for his behavior during the outing. You will need to keep in mind his age and level of understanding when giving expectations.

4. Don't overload him with rules, but be consistent.
 
==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder

5. Monitor your child's behavior on the outing. If you sense that he is becoming overwhelmed, intervene at that point. Tantrums are not only embarrassing for you, but for your child as well. They don't want to behave this way, so if you can help them avoid it, you should.

6. If you are going to be gone for an extended period of time, prepare for it. Bring with you activities or things that your child enjoys to keep him occupied. If he doesn't function well during long outings, then start with brief periods of time.

Go on an outing for 5-10 minutes, and if all goes well, reinforce that behavior. Then gradually increase that time period. However, if the outing is not for his benefit, don't ask him to engage in an activity for extended periods of time. Don't expect him to sit quietly for hours while you shop (it's unfair to any child).

7. When a tantrum occurs, leave! Just do it -- and do it NOW!!! Try not to create more tension by making a big deal of it. Simply stop shopping and remove him from the area. This may mean leaving for a few minutes until his behavior becomes calm, or returning home and planning your outing for another day. Tell him what was inappropriate, and why you are leaving, but try not to continue the discussion about his behavior once you are home. It's over!




 
Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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Here's what other parents have had to say:

•    Anonymous said... Don't take him shopping. I had no idea what my aspergers toddler was going through until he was old enough to tell me. The lights, the colors and displays, the crowds, the noise... It is too much for them to handle. And it is too much to expect them to.

•    Anonymous said... i have found short trips to the store work best. Also, bring along a toy or something that your child finds comforting. if too much noise is the problem, try headphones to drown out the noise. Hope this helps!

•    Anonymous said... I try to explain what we are doing before we enter. I tell him he can pick out one thing, I usually let him push the cart if its the grocery store. This works about 80% of the time. If theres someone home I give him the option to stay home, if he wants to come we agree he will behave or not be invited again

•    Anonymous said... Tough love: Just pick him up and carry him out to the car leaving everything behind. Keep talking to him in a calm voice that you will not accept this behaviour in public and you are going home now. You may need to say it loud enough for others around you to hear as well so they keep their noses out of your business. I had to do this only 3 times and my child never had another tantrum in public again. I understand that every child is different and I don't know the extent of involvement with your child but if this method helps anyone else out there, go for it. The first time I had to do this I was annoyed because I had to leave everything. So the other times he pulled this, I was just out to give him an opportunity to 'shop' and it was no hardship if I had to leave a store.

•    Anonymous said... Two people threatened to call CPS on me because I "was clearly a bad parent who couldn't discipline my child correctly" they have no understanding of how a child who is so vocal can be autistic. We're usually trying to do our shopping in one or two big trips on weekends when I can leave ds home with dad or he shops instead. Otherwise, very short trips work best.

•    Anonymous said...just try and stay calm and ignore others around you,my son would do cartwheels down the aisles in supermarkets and run and skid on his knees not easy.

•    Anonymous said... The normal, check for all the sensitivities, go when it is not crowded, ear plugs, sunglasses (lights can be horrible), gum or chewy. But number one thing - don't give in. Mean what you say and say what you mean - every time. I was prepared to leave the store at a drop of the hat or stand in line with a screaming child and angry customers. I have thick skin and a well adjusted 16 year old. Once I prepacked the car for a trip a day in advance just to say "I won't take a trip with kids that back talk and are unhelpful I am sick of warning blah blah blah... we are not going." Finally after a lot of promising and begging we left the next day (on the real date). They have never forgotten and both know I mean what i say.

•    Anonymous said... child once had a meltdown getting into the car at a grocery store. I was very firm with him...someone came by me and accused me of "abusing my child" and wanted to call the cops and Child protective services on me because "no child would be screaming in their child's presence. Other people came by and supported me..sigh. This was a couple of years ago. When my child was a toddler, another person wanted to do the same and we were out of town. Who are these people that think they know better than us parents of aspies.

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Put on Your Poker Face: Tips for Parents of Defiant Kids on the Spectrum

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Sibling Relationship Problems: Tips for Parents of Kids on the Autism Spectrum

"Any tips for helping my two older children (who do not have high functioning autism) to have a little more compassion for their younger brother who does? I try to help everyone get along, but it is wearing me out. Playing peace-maker is definitely my toughest job at present. Help!"
 
Click here for the answer...

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Help for Sleep Problems in Children on the Autism Spectrum

"I need suggestions on how to help my child fall asleep and stay asleep! It takes him a long time to settle down, and even when he finally gets to sleep, it's not long before he wakes up and we start the whole process all over again."

Studies find that approximately 73% of young people on the autism spectrum experience sleep problems, and these problems tend to last longer in this group than they do for kids without the disorder. For example, kids on the spectrum are more likely to be sluggish and disoriented after waking.

Laboratory research has begun to describe the unique physiological presentation associated with sleep problems in these children, including disruptions in the sleep stage most associated with cognitive functioning (i.e. REM or Rapid Eye Movement sleep). In addition to physiological differences, some of the sleep difficulties in this population may be related to anxiety.

The impact of poor sleep is unequivocal. Poor sleep negatively impacts mood and exacerbates selective attention problems commonly found in kids with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism, as well as impairing other aspects of cognitive function.

There is no one panacea to manage sleep problems for these children. However, there are many interventions that are likely to be helpful. In general, moms and dads need to understand and be prepared for resistance to change that these “special needs” kids often show. Parents should also be prepared for problems to get worse before they get better as kids often initially challenge - but then gradually become accustomed to - new routines.

A good place to start an intervention targeted at improving sleep is changing lifestyle behaviors and environmental conditions that can influence sleep/wake patterns. These include exercise, napping, diet, and aspects of the bedroom and sleep routine.

Many children with ASD level 1, or High-Functioning Autism, have problems sleeping through the night or getting to sleep due in large part to sensory issues. Sensory dysfunction is typically an issue for kids on the autism spectrum. Many moms and dads are forced to try medications, or natural supplements (e.g., melatonin) to try to regulate sleep patterns. These may be beneficial.

Using sensory integration therapy can also be helpful so that the youngster can learn to regulate his or her activity level. The idea behind sensory integration therapy is that it is possible to "rewire" the brain of the child with sensory processing difficulties. Practitioners of sensory integration therapy are usually occupational therapists. Their focus is on the following systems:
  • proprioceptive (i.e., helping the child work on his ability to manage his body more appropriately; for example, to run and jump when it's time to run and jump, to sit and focus when it's time to sit and focus, etc.)
  • tactile (i.e., normalizing the child’s reactions to touch)
  • vestibular (i.e., helping the child to become better aware of his body in space)

A trained sensory integration therapist evaluates the child for sensory defensiveness, hypersensitivity, and sensory cravings, using several different scoring techniques. Some of the standard tests include:
  • The PEERAMID for ages 6-14 years
  • The Bruininks Osteretsky Test of Motor Proficiency for ages 5-15 years
  • Sensory Integration and Praxis Tests (SIPT) for kids between the ages of 4 to 8 years, 11 months
  • The Test of Sensory Integration for kids between the ages 3 to 5 years (TSI)

Depending upon the needs of your youngster, the therapist may use various techniques such as:
  • brushing and joint compression
  • deep pressure therapy, which may include squeezing, rolling, etc.
  • gross motor play such as wall climbing, balance beam, etc.
  • jumping on a mini or full-sized trampoline 
  • playing with a toy that vibrates, is squeezable, etc. 
  • swinging

Sensory integration therapists also may develop a sensory "diet," which may include a variety motor activities (e.g., spinning, bouncing, swinging, squeezing balls or silly putty, etc.), as well as therapist-provided interventions such as brushing and compressing arms and legs. The idea is that this "diet" will be provided throughout the day, whether by trained therapists, by the child’s teacher, or by the child’s parent. 

* Additional information on this topic can be found here:  Settling and Waking Problems



 
Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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Here's what other parents have had to say:

•    Anonymous said... A friend of mine uses melatonin, for her son and has done for few years now. They use a low dose and only on school nights, never in holidays or fri or sat night. tThis is a godsend for them as he was only sleeping a couple of hours a night.

•    Anonymous said... A good routine, dont rush them and my best friend Melatonin. Its been shown that asd kids produce much less melatonin than their peers. Hideously expensive here in the uk and hard to get in the uk prescription only £200+ for a months supply but over the counter in the usa for $15 three months worth. Go figure.

•    Anonymous said... Chamomile tea, warm bath, aromatherapy, benadryl......any combination of the above.

•    Anonymous said... I have a routine. Often I will lie down with her for1-5 mins which we agree on beforehand and we have a music box which seems to soothe her. Took a long time to get this routine. Initially I was just glad to get her out of my bed now its much easier

•    Anonymous said... melatonin has been a life-saver for us! Talk with your dr. but there's usually no issues whatsoever. My aspie/severe SPD kiddo was the same way...up and down all night long. We started him on 3 mgs and that would help him drift off but he kept waking all night still. So we upped to dose to 6 mgs and that has worked awesome! Finally we can ALL get some rest!!

•    Anonymous said... Melatonin no side effects, safe. We noticed a huge difference in daytime behavior right away as well, a good nights rest is amazing.

•    Anonymous said... My aspie takes medications. He struggled with sleeping for awhile, but now with meds he sleeps better and is less irritable.

•    Anonymous said... My son will sit in the bathroom until he is calmed down enough to go to sleep. Sometimes it's an hour.

•    Anonymous said... Not enough light, too much light? Room to noisy, room too quiet? Hot and sweaty then gets cold when asleep? Needs something over his head Scared of spiders / monsters / shadows Lots and lots of things you can try, keep melatonin as a last resort

•    Anonymous said... our 5 yr old has same problem. In the beginning, we avoided medication. We tried aromatherapy, soothing bath + massage, classical music, etc., but nothing worked. He would sleep for 45 min., then jump to his feet in bed while screaming scared out of his mind. This would happen 2-3 times every night. After 1 yr. of minimal sleep, we had our son's Pediatric Behavioral Specialist prescribe him medication to aide in his sleep & help w/anxiety. He put him on Guanfacine 1/2 tablet at night. It also helps calm him due to severe anxiety. He's been on it for 2 yrs & it has done wonders for him. He's never had any side-effects from this medicine. Good luck in finding the best method for your child. I'll be praying for your son & your family!

•    Anonymous said... Physical activity helps, particularly yoga and gardening. As a last resort use melatonin and of course cannabidiol.

•    Anonymous said... Routine . Routine . Routine . Then he will still wake up tho about every few hours . My son is 13 . At age four we started clondine . Till he was about 7 then seroquel for a year . Off and on meletonin . It's not good for all night staying asleep . We tried trazadone also . Actually to get him to naturally stay asleep will take him getting older . My son at 13 can and will go to bed, early actually, and stay asleep with usually nothing . Ambilify in morning now and orap at night . But because he active and older its much much better . No problems with sleep at this time ! Good luck , just be patient and get help so YOU can get rest ! I'm catching up on mine during these "slow" years lol things have leveled out for now , as much as they can anyways . Never a dull moment that's for sure !

•    Anonymous said... We have used clonidine for the last 4 years. It has made a world of difference in our family. We have not noticed any negative side effects.

•    Anonymous said... We start our bedtime ritual an hour early. It includes bathroom, changing clothes, brushing teeth, etc. in the same sequence every night (the process is prompted by "ten minutes to bedtime.....5 minutes to bedtime....."). All of this is navigated/ motivated by reward. For us it is a book of his choosing and prayers from mom and dad. If he chooses to be uncooperative or takes too long playing in the bathroom sink, he is reminded he may be losing his book time. Also, we have always told him that he didn't have to go right to sleep if he is not tired, but he did have to stay in his bed and rest. He always goes to sleep within a reasonable time.

•    Anonymous said... We use a kids hypnosis cd on repeat and Relax & Sleep aid from the dollar tree. It has Melatonin in it. But I heard bad things about melatonin in larger quantities. Always research meds even the herbal ones

•    Anonymous said... Our doctor put our son on trazidone. He would fall asleep but not stay that way. I would find him up playing on his tablet or sleep walking. The meds help him stay asleep and we see such a HUGE difference in his behavior after a good sleep

•    Anonymous said... We used melatonin for almost a year but he started waking up and it became ineffective. So we brain stormed, as usual, and now we do our best to get some of his energy out. We do stretches. We put him in a long shower or bath depending on how he is feeling. I rub lavender baby oil on his legs and feet and neck. It has seemed to be more effective.

•    Anonymous said... We used to have the same issue. Still do from time to time but it's rare now. Our Dr.told.US to try melatonin . It's natural over over the counter. Found with vitamins and supplements. It helped.a lot!
 
*    The trick is finding the routine that works. We went through a lot of trial and error. After several years of melatonin, she was able to power through it and it no longer worked. We struggled for a while and then found that a sound machine, a diffuser with calming essential oil, 3mg of melatonin and rolling her tightly in her favorite blanket works. If we miss one of these components - it doesn't work.
 
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2024 Statistics of Autism in Chinese Children

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) has emerged as a significant public health concern worldwide, and China is no exception. As of 2024, new rese...