Pragmatic Language Impairment in Kids on the Autism Spectrum

"Any tips on how to help my high functioning child who has problems making friends, mostly because he initiates conversations that are off-topic or one-sided? He also has problems following conversations from others - so he reverts back to his topic of interest (make sense?)."

Pragmatic speech is language used to communicate and socialize (e.g., knowing what to say, how to say it, when to say it, and generally how to “act” around others during conversation). Many children with Asperger’s (AS) and High-Functioning Autism (HFA) have difficulty using language in various social situations – even though they may have large vocabularies and are able to speak in full sentences that are clearly articulated. These “special needs” children may say words clearly and use long, complex sentences with correct grammar, but still have a communication problem if they haven’t mastered the rules for social language known as pragmatics.

Children with pragmatic speech issues may embarrass their parents (albeit unintentionally because they lack social skills) by making what others view as rude comments. They may have little variety in language use, say inappropriate or unrelated things during conversations, or tell stories in a disorganized way.



Pragmatics involve 3 major communication skills:

1. Changing language according to the needs of the listener or situation (e.g., talking differently to a baby than to a grown-up, speaking differently in a classroom than on a playground, giving background information to an unfamiliar listener, etc.)
2. Following rules for conversations and storytelling (e.g., how close to stand to someone when speaking, how to use facial expressions and eye contact, how to use verbal and nonverbal signals, introducing topics of conversation, rephrasing when misunderstood, staying on topic, taking turns in conversation, etc.)
3. Using language for different purposes (e.g., requesting, promising, informing, greeting, demanding, etc.)

All kids have pragmatic difficulties in some situations. But, if problems in social language use occur often and seem inappropriate considering your youngster's age, he or she may have a pragmatic disorder. Children with Pragmatic Language Disorder have particular trouble understanding the meaning of what others are saying, and they are challenged in using language appropriately to get their needs met and interact with peers.

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

Young people with the disorder often exhibit the following: 

• aphasic speech (e.g., word search pauses, jargoning, word order errors, word category errors, verb tense errors)
• delayed language development
• difficulty explaining or describing an event
• difficulty extracting the key points from a conversation or story
• difficulty following conversations or stories
• difficulty in distinguishing offensive remarks
• difficulty in making and maintaining friendships and relationships because of delayed language development
• difficulty in reading comprehension
• difficulty understanding choices and making decisions
• difficulty understanding contextual cues
• difficulty understanding questions
• difficulty understanding satire or jokes
• difficulty with organizational skills
• difficulty with pronouns or pronoun reversal
• difficulty with reading body language
• difficulty with verb tenses
• stuttering or cluttering speech
• tendency to be concrete or prefer facts to stories
• tendency to get lost in the details
• tendency to initiate conversations that are "off-topic" or "one-sided"
• tendency to repeat words or phrases

Pragmatic disorders often coexist with other language problems (e.g., vocabulary development, grammar). In addition, pragmatic problems often lower social acceptance (e.g., peers may avoid having conversations with the affected child).


Language Problems in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism 



Pragmatic Language Skills Development—

Moms and dads can help their AS and HFA children to use language appropriately in social situations (i.e., pragmatics). Here are some general suggestions to help develop these skills:

1. As often as needed, encourage your child to rephrase or revise an unclear word or sentence. Provide an appropriate rephrase or revision by asking, "Did you mean _____?"

2. As often as possible, take full advantage of naturally occurring “teaching-situations” throughout the day. For instance, have your child practice (a) requesting necessary materials to complete a project, (b) greetings at the beginning of a day, (c) saying goodbye to friends, (d) asking siblings what they want to eat for lunch, and so on.

3. Demonstrate how nonverbal cues are important to communication (e.g., talk about what happens when a facial expression does not match the emotion expressed in a verbal message, such as using angry words while smiling).

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

4. Pretending to talk to different people in different situations is a great pragmatics exercise (i.e., role-playing different conversations). For instance, create a situation in which your child has to explain the same thing to several people, such as how to make a grilled cheese sandwich or play a particular game. Model how your child should talk to a peer versus a grown-up, or a sibling versus a stranger.

5. Teach storytelling skills. Provide visual cues (e.g., pictures, objects, etc.) or a story outline to help tell a story in sequence.

6. Teach the use of “persuasion.” For instance, ask your child what she would say to convince you to let her do something. Discuss different ways to present a message. For example, indirect (“I wish I could go next door to see my friend.”) versus direct (“Can I go next door and see my friend?”), or impolite (“I’m not going to eat those green beans!”) versus polite (“Can I please have something other than green beans for my vegetable?”).

7. When your child speaks, respond to his “intended” message rather than correcting his grammar or pronunciation. Also, provide an appropriate model in your own speech. For instance, if your child says, "That's how it doesn't work," you can respond with, "Correct. That's not how it works.”

Kids with pragmatic language impairment are often unable to vary their language use, to relate information or stories in an organized way, or to say appropriate and “on-topic” things during conversations. Pragmatic speech disorder can also be related to difficulties with grammar and vocabulary development. As kids get older and more social skills are demanded, peers may avoid conversation with the child experiencing pragmatic speech problems. As a result, these “special needs” kids have fewer friends, are less accepted in social situations, and may be bullied or teased by peers.

If you think your AS or HFA youngster may have a pragmatic speech problem, contact a local licensed speech pathologist for an evaluation.

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book


==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

Best Social Stories for Kids on the Autism Spectrum

Social stories are written with the purpose of teaching a youngster specific behavior patterns. They have often been used to help kids on the autism spectrum to learn social skills and behavior management. Here are our top 12 picks for social stories:

The Easily Discouraged Student on the Autism Spectrum: Tips for Parents and Teachers

"I need some ideas on how to build some confidence in one of my students who has been diagnosed with autism recently (high functioning). Now that he knows he has this condition, his self esteem has taken a turn for the worse. He won't even hand-in assignments because he's sure (in his mind) he will get an 'F' (which he does for not handing it in), which just reinforces his negative view of himself."

If you have a youngster with Asperger’s (AS) or High-Functioning Autism (HFA), you’ve likely experienced some aggravation over the numerous outbursts and unexpected meltdowns brought on by an unexpected trigger.

However, many of the triggers that result in behavioral issues may be directly related to the child’s frustration over not being able to complete a certain task or perform to his or her self-imposed expectations. This can, in turn, contribute to feelings of discouragement that result in the child “giving-up” (i.e., refusing to give things a second try).

The easily discouraged AS or HFA child may exhibit any or all of the following:

• a general pervasive mood of unhappiness
• a tendency to develop physical symptoms or fears associated with personal or school problems
• aggressive and even violent behavior
• difficulty building or maintain interpersonal relationships
• discipline problems at home and/or school
• inappropriate types of behavior or feelings under normal circumstances
• lack of social-interaction skills
• low self-esteem
• mild to severe defiance issues toward parents, teachers, and other authority figures
• severe academic and/or social frustration
• trouble bringing emotions under control

There are two schools of thought when it comes to the education of the easily discouraged child. Some educators believe the Least Restrictive Environment (LRE) is in the “mainstream” classroom, while others believe the LRE should be in an environment that gives the correct amount of structure for that individual youngster. No matter where the youngster is placed, the right techniques can help in the right kind of environment. Research has shown that AS and HFA kids do best in an environment that is predictable, stable, and structured. These kids need help in frustration-management and self-control through coaching, modeling, and teaching.



Assessing social skills is very important for understanding emotional problems.  Observations of the AS or HFA youngster’s behavior with friends, classmates, and grown-ups in natural settings (e.g., special education classroom, lunch room, recess, etc.) can provide information about social skills and relationships that is crucial when reporting on a potential emotional disturbance case. Observing behaviors during social skills instruction or role-playing situations provides a more direct method for measuring specific social areas (e.g., social problem solving, social reasoning, etc.).

==> Resource for Teachers: Teaching Students with Asperger's and HFA

The following strategies can be highly effective with children exhibiting frustration and other emotional problems in the classroom:

1. Ask – don’t tell: If the child has a positive relationship with the educator, it may be effective just to “ask” that the unwanted behavior stop due to the problems that it’s creating in the classroom. In this way, no consequence or reward is intended or implied; rather, it’s just a simple, straightforward request from teacher to student.

2. Teach problem solving skills: Help the AS or HFA child to solve his own problems, and reinforce responsibility. By doing this, you imply that the child is not a helpless victim, that he is powerful and can take control of many aspects of his lives. Ask leading question, such as: What is the problem? What have you done so far? What else can you do? What is your next step?

3. Change of environment: Remove the AS or HFA child from a stressful situation before inappropriate behaviors occur; however, be careful not to inadvertently reward the other child (or children) who may be instigating the problem.

4. Impromptu change of activities: If an activity is not successful, change it as quickly as possible. Try to always have a backup plan (e.g., moving from an interactive game to something like Bingo that requires no interaction). This can be done smoothly when a group is becoming over-stimulated. At other times, offering a choice may be more effective (e.g., the children can choose to cover information orally through discussion, or copy notes from an overhead projector).




5. Bonding: Connect with the “special needs” student at a very personal level by discovering as much as possible about him. Find out more than just his challenges – discover his strengths and interests, too.

6. Intentional ignoring: Behaviors that are exhibited for the purpose of attention-seeking and don’t spread or interfere with safety or group functioning may be effectively terminated through intentional ignoring; however, this strategy should never be used with aggressive behaviors. The classmates of the AS or HFA student may need to be taught to do this as well, because peer-attention can be even more powerful than adult-attention for some kids.

7. Forget about “attitude”: Do not criticize the “easily discouraged” child for having a bad attitude. Of course he has a bad attitude! His attitude reflects his experience. For a child that has experienced a lot of frustration and discouragement in the classroom, to have a “positive attitude” about school would be unreasonable. Nonetheless, the “special needs” child is often scolded for his poor attitude. Change his experience from frustration to success, and his attitude will follow – and so will his behavior.

8. Kick start: When it appears that the child is beginning to feel frustrated, assist him with the difficult section(s) of a task or assignment.

==> Resource for Parents: Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management

9. Do a success review: When the child does experience success, talk about what effort made that success happen, specifically, and insist on pride in that effort and the increasing level of skills that follow.

10. Nonverbal signals: If the child is calm enough to respond, has a positive relationship with the educator, and is free from uncontrollable impulses, a nonverbal cue (e.g., softly snapping the fingers) might be all that is needed to assist the child in regaining focus.

11. Learning from mistakes: Teach the child to learn from – rather than feeling defeated by – mistakes. Reaffirm that “learning from making mistakes” is often the best form of learning.

12. Rearranging: Change the seating arrangement or the small-group assignments of children to avoid specific behavioral problems; however, try to do this in a non-punitive and undetectable way.

13. Restriction of tools and space: Rather than taking away certain items that distract after the child is already engaged with them, keep them out of sight from the start. This is crucial when meltdowns escalate to unnecessarily dangerous or reinforcing proportions due to a lot of extra items being available for breaking and/or throwing.

14. Use of distraction: Change the activity or tempo, comment on the child’s work, or ask about a known interest related to the assignment if the child shows signs of frustration or restlessness. Be sure to do this BEFORE off-task behavior occurs.

15. Use of humor: Humor can often stop unwanted behavior if it’s used in a timely and constructive manner. (Note: sarcasm, even of a friendly nature, is not an appropriate use of humor for AS and HFA students).

16. Use of proximity and touch: Move closer to the child experiencing frustration, or place your hand on his shoulder. In this way, you are showing support in a nonthreatening way; however, when using this strategy, avoid using it as an opportunity to point out inappropriate behavior. Also, comment positively on any move toward compliance.

17. Use of routine and structure: Schedules and routines are often overlooked by teachers when considering behavior-management interventions. Knowing what to do – and when to do it – provides a sense of safety, structure, and predictability for children who may not experience such structure in other areas of their lives.

In a nutshell, here’s how can you break the cycle of frustration and resultant discouragement. The “special needs” child must: 

• Never feel anonymous
• Learn the satisfaction of hard work done well
• Learn the pleasure of mental involvement
• Have clear evidence of accomplishment attributable to skill and effort rather than luck or easy work
• Feel valued and cared about
• Experience a classroom that is free of negative competition and peer-pressure
• Be with grown-ups who like him – and demonstrate it
• Be taught to take himself seriously as a learner

Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Launching Adult Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social-Skills and Emotion-Management to Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Parents' Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling the Mystery Behind High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Crucial Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

ASD Children and Their "Resistance to Change"

"I need some methods for helping my autistic son to accept that things change from time to time, for example, accepting the new baby that's due in August, moving to a new apartment (we need 3 bedrooms now), and other changes that seem to disrupt his comfort zone."

One very common problem for young people with Asperger’s (AS) and High-Functioning Autism (HFA) is difficulty adjusting to new situations.

While all of these children love new material things (e.g., toys, games, digital devices, etc.), most of them have difficulty adjusting to a new environment, new homes, different teachers at school, or any other major changes in their daily routines. Even new clothes or changes in their favorite food or drink can cause frustration and emotional outbursts.

Children on the autism spectrum need a steady routine and a familiar, consistent environment because it helps them to stay organized and to know what to expect or how to act. So, they rigidly stick to old habits, and their rigidity often results in obsessive and/or compulsive thoughts and behaviors.



While there are many reasons AS and HFA children resist change, most of these reasons have a common source: FEAR. These fears are often related to loss associated with the change. All change involves loss at some level, and this can be difficult to contemplate.

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

Some typical reasons for resistance to change include the following:

• Resistance can stem from perceptions of the change that AS and HFA children hold (e.g., kids who feel they will be worse off at the end of the change are unlikely to cooperate).
• Change gets these “special needs” children out of their comfort zone. When we talk about a comfort zone, we are really referring to routine. Kids on the autism spectrum love routine, because it helps them feel safe and secure. So there is bound to be resistance whenever change requires them to do things differently. Whether it's new rules, new seating arrangement in the classroom, new academic subject matter (e.g., moving from addition to multiplication in math class), or a new baby in the home, changes to routines are very uncomfortable. 
• Don't mistake compliance for acceptance. Children who are overwhelmed by continuous change may resign themselves to it and go along with the flow. You may have them in body, but you do not have their hearts. Thus, motivation to cooperate is low. 
• When these children do not trust in their ability to cope with change, resistance often results. This may be related to their experience of change in the past. They had to make a change back in the day that was very distressing, so today they view ALL change as distressing.
• Misunderstanding about the need for change may result in resistance. If the child does not understand the reason why things need to be done differently, you can expect resistance – especially if he or she strongly believes the current way of doing things works just fine. 
• Not being consulted often results in resistance. If these children are allowed to be part of the change process, there is less resistance. They get the sense that they are being heard and that their feelings count.

Some examples of “uncomfortable” change kids must face include the following:

• A friend moving away
• A new baby in the family
• A parent taking a new job or losing a job
• Abandoning bad habits or picking-up good habits
• Adopting a different routine or schedule
• Attending a new school 
• Different financial circumstances
• Hospital stay
• Illness
• Meeting new people
• Moving to a new of house
• New teacher or new friends
• Parent making new childcare arrangements
• Recent death in the family
• Separation or divorce of parents
• Visiting a new place with new settings

There are a number of symptoms that AS and HFA children exhibit that are signs of an adverse reaction to change. These may include:

• Active attempts to disrupt or undermine the change process
• Aggression 
• Anger
• Anxious, clingy behavior
• Attention-seeking
• Become withdrawn
• Complain of headaches, stomach pains, or over-sensitive to minor scrapes
• Have a tough time concentrating at school
• Insensitive and disagreeable behavior
• Lose interest in things that earlier interested them
• Loss of appetite
• Not listening
• Not responding
• Portraying themselves as innocent victims of unreasonable expectations
• School refusal
• Seems disinterested
• Sleep problems
• Tantrums
• Unusual flare-ups of emotion

Of course, each of these does not necessarily mean that these children are opposing change. They might be indicators, but could just as easily be indicators of other issues in their life. Real resistance usually occurs after their uncertainties and questions regarding change have not been adequately answered.

Kids with AS and HFA often develop rigid thinking. They want a particular thing done at a particular time, in a particular order, and in a particular way. This is because they often feel a loss of control over important aspects of their lives. What is normal and routine for “typical” children can be difficult and frustrating for AS and HFA children.

Imagine having your body respond clumsily when you’re trying to play, or being dragged from place to place by your mother or father and not having the cognitive ability to understand why. By holding tightly to what they can predict, these kids find a little bit of comfort in their otherwise chaotic world.

A youngster who is totally inflexible to change is going to have a lot of difficulty coping with reality. Life is random, full of last minute mishaps, misunderstandings, schedule changes, etc. The sooner you can acclimate your AS or HFA child to change, the better.

"Structure-Dependent" Thinking in Kids with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism 

 ==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

Here are some strategies for dealing with a rigid-thinking youngster:

1. Let your AS or HFA youngster know of some changes in life you have undergone – and how you managed them. Your examples are a way of helping him cope with change in the future. Relate to his situation. Tell stories about when you have had to weather the storms of change. Also, you can talk about what you might have done differently – something that could have facilitated a better outcome. Alternatively, you can talk about the changes within the other family members and how they changed with circumstances.

2. Always demonstrate love and appreciation when your child “tries” to accept a new situation with courage – even if he is unsuccessful. In other words, be sure to reward effort with acknowledgment and praise, regardless of whether or not the desired outcome occurred.

3. Create behavior incentives using something that is the same each time (e.g., tokens, tickets, stickers, etc.). Let the sameness of the identical token be the familiar thing during the unfamiliar situation. You can also use marbles dropped into a jar (the smooth texture and “clicks” when they drop is satisfying to most kids). For example, explain to your youngster, “When we leave the park today, if you don’t cry, you’ll get a marble to put in the jar when we get home.” Let her cash in the marbles for a reward at the end of the day.

4. Don’t unintentionally reward your youngster for acting-out due to an unwanted routine change. Uncontrolled anger warrants a predictable, swift consequence. Losing a particular privilege may be the best consequence for AS and HFA children. Be firm. Don’t underestimate your youngster’s ability to manipulate you. Even severely autistic kids can be master manipulators.

5. Focus on just a few areas where flexibility is needed most. For example, if your youngster is constantly distressed when you’re out running errands, this is the place to start. If he is upset over having a babysitter, start there. If he won’t leave the grandparents’ house without a tantrum, focus on that issue.

6. While helping your “special needs” child to deal with change, be prepared to weather the storm. There will be sadness, tears and tantrums – followed by parental guilt. It’s all part of the process. Remain calm, and accept you youngster for who and what she is.

7. Change itself can come quickly or slowly, but adjusting to the new state of affairs takes time. Make sure you give your youngster – and yourself – the luxury of having time to adjust. Try not to expect too much too soon. Some changes are easy to adjust to, others aren’t. Some AS and HFA children adapt quickly to change, some don’t. As the parent, simply keep doing what you are doing and know that most changes eventually leave everyone in better places than where they began.

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

8. Attempt to see things from your child’s point of view. Ask her how she perceives a particular change. A child who airs her misgivings about unwanted changes is more likely to cope better. Talk about the details of what will happen, where she will be, and what she will have to do. Doing so repeatedly helps your child feel prepared.

9. Encourage your AS or HFA youngster to explore and engage in new activities and interests. In this way, you help her cope with change that will come later in life. When she goes through various new experiences, it provides a fundamental base that strengthens her emotional muscles. It helps her feel good about herself and develops self-confidence.

10. Kids on the autism spectrum love to follow a routine. Anything away from that worries them. They feel best when they are able to predict things. They feel safe when they know what is on the agenda for the day or what they have to do next. They want to know how other people are likely to behave or react, and what will happen from day to day. So, if you and your youngster are undergoing a significant period of change, try to keep most of his routine the same.

11. Turn the change into an adventure. For example, turn “Are you ready to start a new school year” into “Wow, just think. You’ll get to see all your classmates again.” Since any change can seem frightening to children, the language you use can turn the change into a fun adventure. Changing the tone to one of excitement can make a world of difference in your child’s attitude.

12. Prepare your AS or HFA youngster for what may happen – and be honest. Voice your plans in a reassuring tone. Explain to him in concrete terms where you will be going, or what may happen along the way, so that he is prepared well before and ready for the change. Also, answer your child’s questions, and tell him the truth (i.e., don’t sugar-coat the situation) so that trust develops. Many tantrums can be avoided, because you keep reminding him throughout the day of what’s going to happen so he is ready for change.

13. Read articles and books about the change in question. Almost any change that your child is going through has been written about (e.g., potty training, new siblings, moving to a new neighborhood, etc.). Go to the library and get as many books as you can on the topic and read together. Reading helps open the lines of communication to talk about the difficulties of the change.

14. Help create sameness by repeating a similar comfort phrase (e.g., “Sometimes we have to change our plans, and we will be O.K. when that happens”). Use this exact phrase (or something similar) every time flexibility is needed. This helps to bring a sense of control and predictability during chaos. Your youngster will remember that you said that the last time a change was needed – and everything eventually turned out just fine.

15. Many kids on the spectrum have difficulty with the concept of time. But, you can provide your child with simple strategies to measure time (e.g., use an alarm clock or kitchen timer for task transitions, clean up times, or evening rituals). Let your child place a calendar centrally, and help her keep track of important dates (e.g., birthdays, holidays, vacations, the first day of school, etc.). Signal your child verbally or set countdowns for when she must leave an activity that she is enjoying (e.g., “I’m going to turn off the computer 10 minutes because we are getting close to lunch time”).

If you want your AS or HFA child to accept change, you must first understand why he may resist. By anticipating his likely reaction to a change in routine, you can make intelligent decisions about how to introduce the change.

Change involves strong feelings. Think about a recent change that you have had at home or work. How did you feel in that situation? Excited, motivated, happy, energized and optimistic? Or worried, angry, depressed, sad and anxious? Maybe your emotions were both positive and negative. But the odds are that you felt something very strongly. If you still remember that change, it's probably because there was a feeling attached to it. For “special needs” children, the initial response to change is often negative. Young people who have difficulty with change seem to unconsciously scan a new situation for anything that is not to their benefit – then they resist and complain. This negative focus often blocks their awareness of any positive aspects related to the change in question.

Change also involves loss (e.g., when moving to a new town, your child loses one set of friends, but hopefully gains a new set of friends). If you want your child to accept change, you need to invest time in planning and communication. All too often, well-meaning parents just throw a change out there and expect their child to say, “Oh, I have to change my routine now? Well, O.K.” To get your child to accept change, the first step is to understand what – from her perspective – she feels that she is losing. If you can first empathize with her feelings, then begin to compensate for her loss, you have taken a big first step towards getting her into acceptance.

In summary: 

• AS and HFA children need to feel that those who have power (e.g., parents, teachers, etc.) care about their concerns and will listen to them.
• When possible, give your child options (e.g., “We have to change this or that. Which one are you the most comfortable with?”). The more choices your child has, the more he feels in control. Some of the energy that previously went into resisting change will then be diverted to accepting it.
• “Special needs” children are more likely to adjust to change when they feel that they have the skills, knowledge and abilities to succeed. The faster parents and teachers can help these kids move through the learning curve, the faster they will accept the change. 
• The AS or HFA child is more likely to accept change if she has some input into how it will be implemented. When possible, ask for her opinions or suggestions about any aspect where input may actually be used. However, never ask for input that you don't plan to consider. That will only make matters worse.

Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Launching Adult Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social-Skills and Emotion-Management to Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Parents' Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling the Mystery Behind High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Crucial Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

Dealing With Meltdowns That Are In Full Swing

"I read your article on preventing meltdowns, but what can be done when a child is already in a meltdown? My autistic son (high functioning) will experience meltdowns that can literally last for an hour or more."

There are a number of ways to handle a meltdown in a child with high-functioning autism once it has started. 

Some simple strategies include the following:

1. You can positively distract the youngster by getting him focused on something else that is an acceptable activity. For example, you might remove the unsafe item and replace with an age-appropriate toy.

2. You can place the youngster in time away. Time away is a quiet place where she goes to calm down, think about what she needs to do, and, with your help, make a plan to change the behavior.

3. When possible, hold the youngster who is out of control and is going to hurt himself or someone else. Let the youngster know that you will let him go as soon as he calms down. Reassure the youngster that everything will be all right, and help him calm down. Parents may need to hug their youngster who is crying, and say they will always love him no matter what, but that the behavior has to change. This reassurance can be comforting for a youngster who may be afraid because he lost control.

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's
 

4. Unlike a meltdown, you can ignore a tantrum if it is being thrown to get your attention. Once the youngster calms down, give the attention that is desired.

5. Try to intervene before the youngster is out of control. Get down at her eye level and say, “You are starting to get revved up, slow down.” Now you have several choices of intervention.

6. Think before you act. Count to 10 and then think about the source of the youngster’s frustration, his characteristic temperamental response to stress (e.g., hyperactivity, distractibility, moodiness), and the predictable steps in the escalation of the meltdown.

7. Talk with the youngster after she has calmed down. When she stops crying, talk about the frustration she has experienced. Try to help solve the problem if possible. 

8. For the future, teach her new skills to help avoid meltdowns, such as how to ask for help. Teach her how to try a more successful way of interacting with a peer or sibling, how to express her feelings with words and recognize the feelings of others without hitting and screaming.

9. Remain calm and do not argue with the youngster. Before you manage him, you must manage your own behavior. Spanking or yelling at the youngster will make the meltdown worse.

10. If the youngster has escalated the meltdown to the point where you are not able to intervene in the ways described above, then you may need to direct him to time-away (not to punish, but to remove him from the current environment). If you are in a public place, carry your youngster outside or to the car. Tell him that you will go home unless he calms down. In school, teachers can warn the child up to three times that it is necessary to calm down and give a reminder of the rule. If the youngster refuses to comply, then place him in time-away for no more than 1 minute for each year of age (again, not to punish, but to remove him from the current environment).

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's
 

Post-tantrum management:

• Do not reward the youngster after a meltdown for calming down. Some kids will learn that a meltdown is a good way to get a treat later.
• Explain to the youngster that there are better ways to get what he or she wants.
• Never let meltdowns interfere with your otherwise positive relationship with the youngster.
• Never, under any circumstances, give-in to a temper tantrum (which sometimes looks like a meltdown). That response will only increase the number and frequency of the tantrums. Also, when the youngster on the autism spectrum has become accustomed to successfully manipulating parents with tantrums in the past -- but then doesn't get his way with today's tantrum -- it can often escalate into a meltdown. Now the parent has two distinctly different problems (that may look the same) to address.
• Teach the youngster that anger is a feeling that we all have and then teach her ways to express anger constructively.

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book


==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism