Parents would do well to give a few of these essential oils a try as they relate to calming children who experience more than their fair share of anxiety and lack of focus:
1.Bergamot Oil: Often used to reduce pain caused by headaches and muscle tension. Known as an excellent mood enhancer, it's considered a great essential oil for kids on the autism spectrum. It's a relaxant and has a calming effect and can reduce feelings of stress in the "special needs" child.
2.Cedarwood Oil: This essential oil can help young people on the autism spectrum who also have ADHD. It has calming and relaxing properties that promote the release of serotonin, which is then converted into melatonin in the brain. This can help kids on the spectrum to enjoy restorative and peaceful sleep.
3.Chamomile Oil: It's one of the best oils when it comes to coping with anxiety. According to a study published on Alternative Therapies in Health and Medicine and Pharmacognosy Review, inhaling chamomile vapors has a calming effect and promotes relaxation.
4.Frankincense Oil: For kids on the autism spectrum who also have ADHD, frankincense oil helps them stay focused. It's also known to help reduce anxiety and other negative emotions.
5.Lavender Oil: Has a calming effect on kids, improves sleep quality, and reduces emotional stress.
6.Mandarin Oil: Useful for reducing insomnia and managing gut issues (e.g., leaky gut syndrome). It's particularly appealing because of its sweet, citrusy scent. It can also help reduce stress levels.
7.Peppermint Oil: Aside from lavender, peppermint is possibly one of the most versatile of all oils on the planet. It's perfect for kids with autism and ADHD because it gives a cooling sensation and produces a calming effect. It's also known to help improve mental focus.
8.Sandalwood Oil: One of the major benefits is that it promotes mental clarity -- especially when used with a diffuser. It also has a calming effect that can be helpful for "special needs" kids.
9.Vetiver Oil: A study conducted by Dr. Terry Friedman revealed that Vetiver oil benefits kids with ADHD. The oil’s relaxing properties are said to help combat the symptoms of ADHD and ADD (e.g., difficulty concentrating, easily distracted, etc.).
10.Ylang Ylang Oil: This oil has effective sedative and anti-depressant properties.
"What do you do differently when disciplining a child with ASD relative to how you handle a 'typical' child?"
From the moment you heard about your child’s diagnosis of Asperger’s (AS) or High-Functioning Autism (HFA), you knew life would be more challenging for him or her than for “typical” children. So when you ask your “special needs” child to do something and it's not done, you let it go. Maybe you fear that what you would like your child to do, or not do, is impossible for him or her to achieve?
But the truth is this: If you feel that your child doesn't deserve discipline, it's like telling him or her, "I don't believe you can learn." And if YOU don't believe it, how will your youngster come to believe it?
What professionals call "behavior management" is not about punishing or demoralizing an AS or HFA youngster. Rather, it's a way to set boundaries and communicate expectations in a nurturing, loving way. Correcting your child’s actions, showing him or her what's right and wrong, what's acceptable and what's not, are the most important ways you can show your “special needs” child that you love and care.
Here are some special techniques to help moms and dads discipline a “special needs” youngster with Asperger’s or High-Functioning Autism:
1. Active ignoring is a good consequence for misbehavior meant to get your attention. This means not rewarding “bad behavior” with your attention – even if it's negative attention (e.g., scolding or yelling).
2. Due to developmental delays, kids with AS and HFA may require more exposure to discipline before they begin to understand expectations. You must follow through and apply discipline each time there is an incident in order to effectively send your message. The benefits of discipline are the same whether children have a developmental disorder like AS and HFA or not. In fact, children who have trouble learning respond very well to discipline and structure. But for this to work, moms and dads have to make discipline a priority and be consistent. Disciplining children is about establishing standards — whether that's setting a morning routine or dinnertime manners — and then teaching them how to meet those expectations.
3. Have faith in your youngster. If, after taking her first few steps, your toddler kept falling down, would you get her some crutches or a wheelchair? Of course not. So don't do the same with an AS or HFA youngster. Maybe your youngster can't put on his shoes the first time, or 20th time, but keeps trying. Encourage that! When you believe your youngster can do something, you empower him to reach that goal. The same is true for behavior.
4. Beware of the “over-protective parenting-style.” It’s easy for your whole life to revolve around parenting your “special needs” child. This is a lose-lose situation. You lose the joy of parenting, and your overly-protected child loses the ability to grow and learn.
5. Change (not “lower”) your standards. With an AS or HFA youngster, parents need to learn to live in the present. The milestones of your youngster’s life are less defined, and the future less predictable (though your youngster may surprise you). In the meantime, set the standards for your youngster at an appropriate level.
6. Choose a method of discipline appropriate to the level of the tantrum. Planned ignoring, giving a time-out, and removing privileges or activities important to the youngster are all potential options. AS and HFA kids often require a shorter time-out period and consequences given in smaller doses, especially where their attention spans are affected by their disorder.
7. Before you enter a store, transition from one activity to another, or approach a situation where behavior may deteriorate, discuss with your AS or HFA youngster what will happen, review the family rules, and remind your youngster of the consequences (both good and bad) of misbehavior. For young people on the autism spectrum, this information may need to be broken down into a few very simple instructions and repeated often.
8. Keep your behavior plan simple, and work on one challenge at a time. As your youngster meets one behavioral goal, she can strive for the next one.
9. Develop a plan of action before a behavioral incident occurs. Consider possible settings where you may face a tantrum or meltdown, your reaction, your youngster's needs and response, and the consequences you may use to stop or alter the behavior. AS and HFA kids may have unusual behavioral triggers, so it is important to really know your youngster when developing a plan.
10. Different doesn’t mean delicate. While it is true you have to change your expectations of your AS or HFA youngster, you don’t have to lower your standards of discipline. It’s tempting to get lax and let a “special needs” boy or girl get by with behaviors you wouldn’t tolerate in your other kids. He or she needs to know, early on, what behavior you expect. Many moms and dads wait too long to start behavior training. It’s much harder to redirect a 120 pound youngster than a 45 pounder. Like all kids, your AS or HFA youngster must be taught to adjust to family routines, to obey, and to manage himself or herself.
11. Different doesn’t mean substandard. In a “typical” kid’s logic, being different equates with being second-rate. This feeling may be more of a problem for siblings than for their developmentally-delayed brother or sister. Most kids measure their self-worth by how they believe others perceive them. Be sure your AS or HFA youngster’s siblings don’t fall into this “different equals bad” trap.
12. Don’t compare. Your AS or HFA youngster is special. Comparing him to “typical” children of the same age is not fair.
13. Stick to the same routine every day. For instance, if your youngster tends to have a meltdown in the afternoon after school, set a schedule for free time. Maybe he needs a snack first, and then do homework before playtime.
14. Give as much attention to positive, expected outcomes as you give to negative behaviors. This will help your youngster recognize what to do – as well as what not to do. For AS and HFA kids, it is even more important that the consequence or reward immediately follow the behavior to have the greatest effect and opportunity to teach.
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15. Give your AS or HFA youngster choices, and be sure you like all the alternatives. Initially, you may have to guide her into making a choice, but just the ability to make a choice helps any child feel important. Also, be sure to present the choices in your youngster’s language (e.g., using pictures, pointing, reinforcing verbal instructions, etc.). The more you use this approach, the more you will learn about your youngster’s abilities, preferences, and receptive language skills at each stage of development.
16. Be confident about your parenting skills. Discipline is an exhausting responsibility. There will be great days when you're amazed by your youngster's progress, terrible days when it seems like all your hard work was wasted, and plateaus where it seems like further progress is unlikely. But always remember, behavior management is a challenge for all moms and dads, even those of children who are typically developing. So don't allow yourself to get discouraged! If you set an expectation in line with your youngster's abilities, and you believe she can accomplish it, odds are it will happen.
17. Be sure to praise and reward your youngster for EFFORT as well as “success” (e.g., if he refuses to poop in the toilet, he could be rewarded for using a potty chair near the toilet).
18. Help your youngster build a sense of responsibility. There is a natural tendency to want to rush in and do things for a developmentally-delayed youngster. For these kids, the principle of “teach them how to fish rather than give them a fish” applies doubly. The sense of accomplishment that accompanies being given responsibility raises the youngster’s self-esteem.
19. To understand your AS or HFA youngster's behavior, it helps to become an expert in autism spectrum disorders. So try to learn as much about the unique medical, behavioral, and psychological factors that affect your child’s development. Read up on the disorder and ask the doctor about anything you don't understand. Also talk to members of your youngster's care team and other moms and dads (especially those with children who have similar issues) to help determine if your youngster's challenging behavior is typical or related to his individual challenges.
20. Encourage accomplishment by reminding your youngster about what she can earn for meeting the goals you've set (e.g., getting stickers, screen time, etc.).
21. When you catch your youngster doing something right, praise her for it. All children naturally want to please their moms and dads. So, by getting credit for doing something right, they will likely want to do it again.
22. After correcting your youngster for doing something wrong, offer a “substitute behavior.” For example, if he is hitting you to get your attention, work on replacing that with an appropriate behavior such as getting your attention by tapping your shoulder.
23. Provide lots and lots of structure. AS and HFA kids need developmentally- appropriate structure, but it requires sensitivity on your part to figure out what is needed when. Watch your youngster, not the calendar. Try to get inside her head.
24. Always communicate your expectations in a concrete, simple way. For children with AS and HFA, this may require more than just telling them. You may need to use pictures, role playing, or gestures to be sure your youngster knows what he is working toward. Explain as simply as possible what behaviors you want to see. Since consistency is key, make sure babysitters, siblings, other family members, and educators are all on board with your messages.
25. Not every AS or HFA kid responds to natural consequences, so you might have to match the consequence to your youngster's values (e.g., a youngster who may like to be alone might consider a traditional "time-out" rewarding; instead, take away a favorite toy or video game for a period of time).
26. Value your youngster rather than focusing on the disorder. Practice attachment parenting to the highest degree that you can without shortchanging other members of the family. Feeling loved and valued from attachment parenting helps an AS or HFA youngster cope with the lack of a particular ability.
27. View all problematic behaviors as “signals of needs.” Everything an AS or HFA youngster does tells you something about what he or she needs.
28. If your youngster is too aggressive when playing with other children, don't stop the play altogether. Instead, work with your youngster to limit the physicality of the play. Use discipline where necessary (e.g., time-outs, enforced turn-taking, rules like "no touching"), and provide rewards when your expectations are met.
29. Reset your anger buttons. Your AS or HFA youngster will inevitably do some things that will frustrate the hell out of you, but getting angry with him or her will only throw gas on the fire. So, when you catch yourself starting to get angry – YOU take a tie-out. If you’re still angry after the time-out – don’t show it! Put on a “poker face.”
30. Can another mom or dad relate to the trouble you are having with your AS or HFA child? Sharing experiences will give you a yardstick by which to measure your expectations and determine which behaviors are related to your youngster's diagnosis, and which are purely developmental. If you're having trouble finding moms and dads of children with similar difficulties, consider joining an online support or advocacy group. Once you know what behaviors are representative of your youngster's age and disorder, you can set realistic behavioral expectations.
How to Figure-out Why Your Aspergers or HFA Child Behaves the Way She Does
AS and HFA children need discipline, limits and structure. When they can predict what will happen next in their day, they feel confident and safe. Sure, they will test these boundaries, but it's up to parents to affirm that these standards are important and let their “special needs” youngster know that they believe he or she can meet them.
Young people on the autism spectrum require the same firm structure and guidance as their siblings and peers. While the form and degree of the discipline may differ, the basic rules still apply. Behavior must be addressed as it happens. Consequences must be meaningful and effective. And parents must follow through each time. This requires planning and communication between both parents and kids before an incident occurs. Consistent application of methods over time will produce improved behavior with less effort.
Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
More articles for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning.
Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him,
rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression.
As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and
depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.
Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown
temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from
ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child
is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are
totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the
least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into
the next - the meltdown can return in full force.
Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the
autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a
teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an
average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for
even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’
disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.
Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and
he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse
strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face
many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for
teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one
mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do." Click here to read the full article…
Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are
“mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and
intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to
identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits
reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he
or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish,
insensitive and uncaring. Click here to read the full article...
Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her
“out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress,
anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.
A child with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) can have
difficulty in school because, since he fits in so well, many adults
may miss the fact that he has a diagnosis. When these children display
symptoms of their disorder, they may be seen as defiant or disruptive.
"I need some tips on how to deal with my HFA teenager. We're dealing with so many issues at the moment - depression, social isolation, backtalk, failing grades, and the list could go on and on here..."
Parenting adolescents brings many challenges – hormonal changes, self-identity, and the pressure of being socially acceptable, just to name a few. When you add Asperger’s or High Functioning Autism (HFA) to the equation, the element of difficulty increases significantly.
Parents can help their “special needs” adolescents, but this begins with becoming knowledgeable about what they face. Parents should learn as much about the disorder as possible and how they can support and help these young people face their challenges.
The “typical” teenager is really into his or her friends. The tools for developing social skills as an adolescent are shared experiences and conversation with peers. But, for the teenager who has poor social skills or struggles to communicate, the idea of conversation and interaction with peers is not appealing. For many teens with Asperger’s and HFA, they literally can’t think of anything they would enjoy less than “having” to be social. And who blames them? Nobody enjoys doing things they are not naturally good at.
Teens with Asperger’s and HFA are easily misunderstood. For example, one teenager might be unfiltered, blurting out the first thought that pops into his head, while another may struggle to form and express complete sentences. Both scenarios create tension for the teen with Asperger’s or HFA – as well as his peers, who may be attempting to interact. Typically developing teens sometimes react harshly in these awkward moments.
In general, adolescents don’t exactly have the market cornered on emotional maturity. They’re still developing. So, odds are high that a young person on the autism spectrum has already had a number of uncomfortable peer-encounters by the time he reaches adolescence (e.g., teasing, bullying, peer-rejection, etc.). You can see why the critically important skill (i.e., the ability to engage in age-appropriate social interaction) needed in adolescence may be the one thing that a teen with Asperger’s or HFA associates with failure.
Parenting Out-of-Control Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism
15 crucial strategies that parents and teachers can employ in an effort to assist teens with Asperger's and HFA:
1. Adolescents with Asperger’s and HFA are challenged with self-esteem issues. Thus, it is important to help them feel important in matters that involve them. Get them to participate by giving them the choices available, as well as understanding of the consequences behind those choices.
2. Alternate preferred activities (e.g., computer games, TV viewing) and less-preferred activities (e.g., homework, chores). Teens on the spectrum are likely to put more intense – and more sustained – effort into challenging/non-preferred tasks when they know that they can take part in a fun or interesting activity at the end of it.
3. As the mother or father facing the often overwhelming task of parenting and disciplining an adolescent with Asperger’s or HFA, it may seem that you don’t have the time or patience for allowing her to have input into decisions that concern her. And it may even seem downright scary to consider allowing her to make her own decisions. Doing so would take more time and would definitely involve some risk. But, it becomes a significant issue when adolescents feel they are disregarded in matters that directly affect them. Adolescents with Asperger’s and HFA are no different in this regard. It’s a big deal when they are made to feel important despite their disorder. An important proactive step is letting the “special needs” adolescent know that, although her needs may be a challenge, there is nothing that can’t be overcome or managed more effectively.
4. Challenged by a particular developmental disorder or not, teens want to know they are loved, supported and have encouragement when needed. This is even more important for young people on the autism spectrum. When the disorder is allowed to overshadow the significance of a teenager, it hinders him or her greatly.
5. Check to be sure that you have your teen’s attention before giving directions. However, understand that young people on the spectrum may not always make eye contact, even when they are paying attention to you. Be on the lookout for other signs of attending (e.g., alert posture, orientation toward you, stopping other activities, verbalizations, etc.). Also, include essential information in your directions that will answer these four questions for your teen: When do I do the work? What is my payoff for doing the work? What exactly am I supposed to do? How much work is there to do in this task?
6. Create a plan to help your teen to generalize his learned social skills across settings and situations. Teens on the autism spectrum are likely to need explicit programming to generalize skills that they have learned in a particular setting to other settings or situations. Teach only a small number of “key” skills (e.g., how to start a conversation, how to ask for help) at one time so that you will have enough time to work with your child on generalizing each mastered skill. After he has mastered a skill in one setting, list other settings or situations in which you would like him to show the skill. Then create a training plan to help your teen to use the skill in these novel settings. If he has mastered the task of delivering appropriate social greetings at school, for example, you might take him to a church youth group, prompt him to greet his peers, and provide praise or rewards for his successful performance. This is an example of “hands-on” social skills training, which is greatly needed with these young people. Parents and teachers should “go the extra mile” like this.
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7. Create structured opportunities for your teen to participate in social interactions (e.g., allow him to invite a friend or two over for a movie or pizza party). Asperger’s and HFA teens are often excluded from social interactions with their typical peers at school, so parents can make up for this by providing social opportunities at home.
8. Help build your “special needs” teen’s self-esteem. List-making can be an effective method for accomplishing this goal. To begin, your adolescent can make a list of at least 5 things he admires or appreciates about himself. This list can include simple things (e.g., has a nice smile), or more significant things (e.g., earning good grades in school). Each day thereafter, he continues to make a new list. These lists can include his 5 greatest strengths, 5 greatest life achievements, 5 people who love and care about him, and his 5 favorite memories. Your adolescent can keep these lists in a special place and refer to them any time negative thoughts enter his mind.
9. Helping your Asperger’s of HFA adolescent will be challenging at times, because with mood swings, meltdowns and hyperactivity, it seems you have no control – but neither does she! However, take a moment to realize that you can help her by controlling yourself. You really do your teen a great service by maintaining control, and by not allowing difficult situations to overwhelm you. Stress is contagious, so don’t spread it to your teenager.
10. Minimizing the disorder is NOT the point. Helping your adolescent to understand that he can accomplish things in spite of his disorder IS the point. Not only does this encourage self-esteem, it also provides motivation and hope.
11. Offer meaningful choices that give your teen some autonomy and control. For example, you may encourage her to select a few chores, and then allow her to decide what chore she will work on first. Also, you could allow her to choose when and where she will do her homework. Make an effort to build choices into home activities whenever possible.
12. Post a clear and predictable daily schedule. Children and teens with Asperger’s and HFA crave structure and predictability. But know that young people on the spectrum can sometimes react more strongly than their “typical” peers when faced with any unexpected change in their daily schedule. Thus, be as consistent as possible with the schedule.
13. Provide your teenager with simple strategies to engage others in social interactions. Demonstrate and model these strategies. Then give her an opportunity to try them out, and give her feedback and encouragement (e.g., role play how to approach a group and ask to join a game or other activity).
14. Use verbal prompts (i.e., pre-correction) before your teen engages in a task to promote success. Phrase your prompt to reflect what you would like to see your teen do (e.g., “Michael, please do your homework before dinner”), rather than what you would like him to stop doing (“Michael, you need to stop playing video games and get busy with your homework, because we are going to eat dinner soon”).
15. When a problem arises and you must confront your teen, keep your tone of voice calm and relaxed in spite of how you may be feeling. This “gentle” approach can diffuse a lot of situations that may otherwise be lost to conflict and anger. While every situation may not be diffused, disciplining in a gentle fashion is something that should be practice diligently with children and teens who are prone to meltdowns and feelings of frustration or anxiety.
Your adolescent with Asperger's or HFA will want friends, but may feel shy or intimidated when approaching his peers. He probably feels "different" from others. Although most “typical” adolescents place emphasis on being and looking "cool," young people on the autism spectrum may find it frustrating and emotionally draining to try to “fit in.” They may be immature for their age, and they may be naive and too trusting, which can lead to teasing and bullying.
All of these difficulties can cause these adolescents to become withdrawn and socially isolated – and to have depression or anxiety. However, with a little assistance from parents and other caring adults, even an Asperger’s or HFA teen can thrive and live a productive, happy life.
More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:
"Any advice for a child (high functioning) who absolutely hates change and will meltdown at the drop of a hat?! Help!!!"
Research suggests that the brains of kids on the autism spectrum are quite inflexible at switching from rest to task, and this inflexibility is correlated with behaviors characteristic of spectrum disorders. This behavioral inflexibility can manifest as restricted interests (e.g., preoccupation with particular activities, objects or sounds). These behaviors impact how a youngster attends to the external world.
Compared to “typical” kids, young people on the autism spectrum show reduced differentiation between brain connectivity during rest and task (called “brain inflexibility”). Also, there is a correlation between the degree of brain inflexibility shown in the fMRI scans and the severity of restrictive and repetitive behaviors in this population.
Symptoms of inflexibility or behavioral rigidity are often difficult to quantify, and yet often introduce some of the most disruptive chronic behaviors (e.g., tantrums, meltdowns) exhibited by children with ASD level 1, or High-Functioning Autism (HFA). These can be manifest by (a) changes to plans that have been previously laid out, (b) difficulties tolerating changes in routine, or (c) minor differences in the environment (e.g., changes in location for certain activities). For some HFA kids, this inflexibility can lead to aggression, or to extremes of frustration and anxiety that impede certain activities.
Parents – and even teachers – may find themselves “walking on eggshells” in an effort to circumvent any extreme reaction from the HFA child. Also, the children themselves may articulate their anxiety over fears that things will not go according to plan, or that they will be forced to make changes that they can’t handle. Sometimes these behaviors are identified as “obsessive-compulsive” because of the child's need for ritualized order or nonfunctional routine. The idea that OCD and these “needs for sameness” could share some biologic features is a popular notion among professionals.
Have your child watch this video -- Moving From One Activity To Another:
Some of the causes of inflexibility or behavioral rigidity in HFA include the following:
Behavioral problems: Some HFA children are just naturally more “set in their ways” and prone to tantrums. Also, some have a very low tolerance for frustration.
Neurological catalysts: Underlying neurological issues may explain inflexibility.
Parenting issues: Inflexibility can also be influenced by well-meaning parents (e.g., parents may be too busy with other things to take time to teach their child how to deal with frustration or agitation). Some parents find it easier to just let some things go, thus allowing their child to have his/her way time and time again (i.e., over-indulgent parenting). Also, some parents simply do not know how to redirect inappropriate behavior or to systematically teach flexibility.
Security-seeking: Children on the autism spectrum often thrive on routine – sometimes to the extreme. Routines help these children feel secure, and they often have meltdowns if they encounter unwanted changes in their routine (e.g., changes in schedules, activities, food, clothing, music, pillows, the arrangement of knick-knacks, etc.). Over-reactions may look like tantrums, or they can mimic panic attacks.
Sensory sensitivities: Finely tuned taste/smell/sound/touch may cause the child to develop an extraordinary attachment to certain things (e.g., food, a particular song, a favorite pair of shoes, etc.). Sensory sensitivities paired with obsessive interest often cause problems when things change unexpectedly.
Some of the signs of inflexibility or behavioral rigidity include the following:
repeats same movement constantly (e.g., clapping hands, facial tics, etc.), which is a self-soothing technique
is highly obsessed with narrow topics of interest (e.g., numbers, symbols, phone numbers, sports related statistics, train schedules, etc.)
has great difficulty in adapting to changes in school (e.g., shifting from the classroom to the playground)
experiences meltdowns or tantrums when unwanted changes are introduced at home (e.g., an earlier bedtime)
reacts strongly when thinking or seeing that something has changed from its usual pattern or setting (e.g., his or her display of toy dinosaurs on the dresser)
has a very strong attachment to certain items (e.g., toys, keys, switches, hair bands, etc.)
likes watching objects that are moving (e.g., ceiling fan, wheels of a toy car, etc.)
lines up items in a certain pattern or order (e.g., all the blue crayons must be grouped together)
difficulty multitasking due to adhering rigidly to tasks in the order they are given
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So what can parents do to help their HFA child learn flexibility?
Below are some simple ideas that will get you started on this journey (hopefully, you will be able to generalize from these ideas, and then create your own based on your child’s unique needs):
1. Alter routines slightly. This helps your HFA child to learn to accept variation in his or her schedule (e.g., you can have your youngster work on his homework BEFORE dinner one day, then AFTER dinner the next day).
2. Give your youngster the “freedom of expression” (e.g., give her the ability to wear the clothes and items of her liking). Allow your child to express herself in the unique being that she is.
3. Illustrate that categories can change. Young people on the spectrum often put something in only one group, and are not be aware that it can also belong with another group (e.g., a yellow plastic bowl can be used for eating cereal in the kitchen, but it can also be put on the dining room table and used to hold candy, or it can be used as a container filled with soil to grow a small plant).
4. Incorporate role playing and storytelling in everyday activities (e.g., while you are eating animal crackers, have your child pick a particular animal cracker, name that animal, eat the cracker, and then imitate that animal).
5. Maintain a variety of activities in a variety of environments (e.g., go to different public parks, at different times, on different days).
6. Offer a variety of creative avenues. For example, theatre activities (whether in-school or out-of-school) can be encouraged. Many local organizations for the arts can help parents find a place for their youngster in their programs. Even if the child is shy and does not feel comfortable acting in a play, the organization can always provide other services for the stage play (e.g., lighting, decorating, sound, costume, narrating, etc.).
7. Offer your child the ability to help provide the rules and regulations of the household, but also teach that there will be occasions when a particular “rule” can be disregarded temporarily (e.g., “no eating in the family room” may be an ongoing house rule – except when the family gets together to watch a movie and eat popcorn).
8. Prepare an indoor play area in a way that encourages diversity (e.g., play dough, small inexpensive musical instruments, books, blocks, crayons and paper, etc.).
9. Provide multiple opportunities for an assortment of activities outside as well (e.g., sand box, teeter totter, swing set, a fort, tree house, trampoline, etc.). The more “total-body movement” experiences your youngster can have – the better!
10. Teach your child how to review alternative ways of problem-solving by evaluating the problem, thinking of a variety of solutions, and then figuring out which is the best way to execute the solution (e.g., if your child’s friend refuses to share a particular toy, then give 3 or 4 alternative methods to solve this problem and have your youngster execute the one that appears to be the best choice).
While teaching kids the alphabet or how to count may be fairly straightforward, teaching them how to be more flexible in matters is often not as clear-cut. Fostering flexibility in HFA kids often involves a lot of creativity – and even some unconventional tactics – on the parent’s part.
More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:
BEST COMMENT: This is my daughter but her meltdowns are associated with getting new things and discarding old things. The smaller issues are with hoarding. She keeps kleenex boxes, Pringles can and cake icing containers. She puts them in totes with lids and organizes them in her bedroom. The large stuff she melts down over would be buying a new car, getting new furniture, rearranging or painting a room. Those types of changes will be hours long meltdowns. I would love to know how to teach her that life changes every day with and without her knowledge.
: Often used to reduce pain caused by headaches and muscle tension. Known as an excellent mood enhancer, it's considered a great essential oil for kids on the autism spectrum. It's a relaxant and has a calming effect and can reduce feelings of stress in the "special needs" child.
: This essential oil can help young people on the autism spectrum who also have ADHD. It has calming and relaxing properties that promote the release of serotonin, which is then converted into melatonin
in the brain. This can help kids on the spectrum to enjoy restorative and peaceful sleep.
: It's one of the best oils when it comes to coping with anxiety. According to a study published on Alternative Therapies in Health and Medicine and Pharmacognosy Review, inhaling chamomile vapors has a calming effect and promotes relaxation. 
: For kids on the autism spectrum who also have ADHD, frankincense oil helps them stay focused. It's also known to help reduce anxiety and other negative emotions.
: Has a calming effect on kids, improves sleep quality, and reduces emotional stress.
: Useful for reducing insomnia and managing gut issues (e.g., leaky gut syndrome). It's particularly appealing because of its sweet, citrusy scent. It can also help reduce stress levels.
: Aside from lavender, peppermint is possibly one of the most versatile of all oils on the planet. It's perfect for kids with autism and ADHD because it gives a cooling sensation and produces a calming effect. It's also known to help improve mental focus.
: One of the major benefits is that it promotes mental clarity -- especially when used with a diffuser. It also has a calming effect that can be helpful for "special needs" kids. 
: A study conducted by Dr. Terry Friedman revealed that Vetiver oil benefits kids with ADHD. The oil’s relaxing properties are said to help combat the symptoms of ADHD and ADD (e.g., difficulty concentrating, easily distracted, etc.).
: This oil has effective sedative and anti-depressant properties.
