The Asperger's or high-functioning autistic youngster creates his own set of rules for everyday functioning in order to keep things from changing and thereby minimize his anxiety.
Early on, the youngster with High-Functioning Autism or Asperger’s begins to notice that his peers can do certain tasks easily that are very difficult for him. As a result, he may begin to feel bad about himself. He may receive frequent criticism, or at best, luck warm praise. For example:
-- “You are making progress” (with what exactly?) -- “You are doing fine” (how fine?) -- “You are doing better” (better than what?)
More articles for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning.
Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him,
rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression.
As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and
depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.
Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown
temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from
ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child
is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are
totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the
least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into
the next - the meltdown can return in full force.
Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the
autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a
teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an
average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for
even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’
disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.
Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and
he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse
strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face
many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for
teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one
mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do." Click here to read the full article…
Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are
“mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and
intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to
identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits
reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he
or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish,
insensitive and uncaring. Click here to read the full article...
Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her
“out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress,
anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.
A child with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) can have
difficulty in school because, since he fits in so well, many adults
may miss the fact that he has a diagnosis. When these children display
symptoms of their disorder, they may be seen as defiant or disruptive.
Because it can be exasperating for parents to deal with the behavioral challenges of a youngster with Asperger’s (AS) or High-Functioning Autism (HFA), it can be reassuring for them to know that some of the negative behaviors of their son or daughter often become positive traits in adulthood.
For example, the child who doodles and draws all through school may well become an artist; the most manipulative youngster often turns out to be a remarkable leader, entrepreneur or politician; the most obstinate youngster often turns out to have fierce determination; and the youngster who argues all the time (like a jail house lawyer) may actually become a lawyer someday.
This pattern has been evidenced again and again throughout my experience in working with families affected by autism spectrum disorders:
One bright child with AS and ADHD who was impulsive, highly distractible, and had a poor attention span, grew up to be an exceptional emergency healthcare specialist. In an emergency, his adrenaline was apparently stimulated, so he became highly focused, able to put his analytic abilities to use while doing several tasks at once.
One very hyperactive youngster with AS turned out to be a very enthusiastic, productive entrepreneur.
Another child who sold his mom’s jewelry for 50 cents apiece grew up to be a real estate tycoon.
One child who was an incessant tinkerer, taking everything apart, became a mechanical engineer.
One boy who tried to help his peers avoid arguing, and who was teased because he was always trying to keep the peace and never projected any opinion of his own, became a mediator.
Another child who was very inflexible became an airplane controller who could focus intensely on the task at hand.
Self-care needs to be a priority for moms and dads of kids on the autism spectrum. For example:
Parents need to find supportive relatives and friends.
They need to locate a support group or an online parent support community that will provide a place for them to vent frustrations and obtain valuable suggestions and parenting strategies.
Parents need to develop a strong sense of humor. The youngster with AS or HFA needs to feel that it is not the end of the world that he has a disorder – and he needs to be able to laugh at life’s odd twists and turns, rather than taking life too seriously. Moms and dads, too, need resilience and humor. When they can have fun, and be silly with their child, everyone benefits.
Moms and dads themselves need nurturing to help nurture their youngster on the spectrum.
They need more sleep than other parents do, because the child with “special needs” can sap his parents’ energy; his disorder demands constant assistance.
And, parents need to go out and have fun regularly – away from their child.
It’s challenging to be a parent of any child, but it’s even more difficult to be a parent of a youngster with an autism spectrum disorder. In these special cases, parents need to become an organizer, interpreter, analyst, advocate, a spiritual advisor, psychiatrist, problem solver, notetaker, lawyer, a friend and companion, a disciplinarian, and a cheerleader. That’s certainly juggling a lot of balls all at once! But the payoff will be worth it.
Someday, your high-functioning child may very well start his or her own business, become the Mayor of your city, the CEO of a major company, an engineer, or a medical professional. So, when your AS or HFA child becomes successful in adulthood, don’t be surprised – and remember I told you so.
Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum: