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Helping Kids on the Autism Spectrum with Motor-Planning Difficulties

“Would you have any tips to help my little girl (age 5) with Asperger’s (high functioning) to be more coordinated with her hands? She has a lot of problems with rather simple tasks like tying shoes, writing, and zipping up her jacket.”

Kids with Asperger’s and High-Functioning Autism often struggle to learn - and remember - new motor skills. Those who have motor-planning difficulties often benefit from “hand-over-hand” teaching techniques (i.e., the parent holds the child's hand and guides it to approximate the movement required to complete the task). They learn best when they can feel the movements involved. The hand-over-hand technique can be used to teach numerous tasks requiring eye-hand coordination, such as how to draw, cut with scissors, tie shoe laces, and spread peanut butter with a knife.



Kids who can tolerate hand-over-hand physical contact can be taught how to perform certain tasks as the parent places her hand around the youngster’s fingers to perform the required movements (e.g., buttoning shirts, moving a crayon, etc.). Kids who have an aversion to being touched (i.e., tactile defensiveness) often benefit from “touch desensitization” first by having their hands rubbed with lotion or a soft cloth.

Children can also learn motor skills using adapted equipment (e.g., “dual-control scissors” have four holes that enable both the parent and youngster to grasp scissors together, thus enabling the youngster to experience the needed motions without actually being touched).

The hand-over-hand technique is a simple procedure that often yields quick results and helps the child to correctly perform tasks that require fine-motor skills, for example:
  • coloring within the lines
  • completing jigsaw puzzles
  • copying lines, circles and crosses
  • cutting skills  
  • drawing basic figures 
  • fastening buttons
  • playing instruments
  • playing video games
  • pushing buttons
  • scribbling in a closed-fist grip
  • stringing large beads
  • taking the pencil between thumb and index finger and resting on the middle finger
  • tracing diamonds or triangles
  • turning dials
  • tying shoelaces 
  • typing on a computer keyboard
  • using silverware
  • zipping and snapping clothing



More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book


==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

The Benefit of Social-Skills Training for Teens on the Autism Spectrum

“Is it fairly common for teenagers with an autism spectrum disorder to be antisocial? Do you think that our son could benefit from social skills training? He is very shy, keeps to himself most of the time, and has no friends (other than a cousin, who he rarely sees). We also believe he is depressed.”

A teenager with Asperger’s (AS) or High-Functioning Autism (HFA) who lacks certain social skills will have great difficulty building a network of supportive friends and acquaintances as he grows older – and he may become socially isolated as a result. Unfortunately, one of the consequences of loneliness is an increased risk of developing emotional problems.





Social skills training (SST) has been shown to be effective in treating “special needs” teens with a broad range of emotional issues. Some of the issues treated by SST professionals include shyness, adjustment disorders, anxiety disorders, ADHD, OCD, social phobia and depression. In addition, SST programs are effective in reducing an AS or HFA teen’s experiences of school failure or rejection, as well as the aggressiveness and isolation that often develop in the teen because he has ongoing problems relating to others.



A specific example is the application of SST to social phobia or shyness. AS and HFA teens who suffer from social phobia or shyness may not understand social cues, and they may avoid specific situations in which their limitations cause embarrassment. SST can help these young people to improve their communication and social skills so that they will be able to “fit-in” with their peer-group with greater ease and self-confidence.

When trainers apply SST to the treatment of symptoms associated with autism spectrum disorders, they focus on the specific social skills required to handle issues that emerge in the day-to-day life of the teen (e.g., starting a conversation, listening skills, tolerating frustration, etc.).

Another example is the application of SST to depression. Many teens on the autism spectrum suffer with depression. SST can be adapted to the treatment of depression with a focus on assertiveness training. Depressed teens often benefit from learning to set limits to others, to obtain satisfaction for their own needs, and to feel more self-confident in social interactions.

Research reveals that “special needs” teens who are depressed (because they tend to withdraw from others) can benefit from SST by learning to increase positive social interactions with others instead of pulling back.




Do you need help parenting your Asperger's or HFA teenager?


Best comment:


"One thing to consider is probing to see if there are any peers that he likes. If so, make good friends with his peer's mother, and arrange kid swaps. With aspie kids, specifically my son, I noticed that he was drawn to other children who were uniquely different, and also needed help socially. The mother of his peer and I have gone to great lengths to get them together, and they both enjoy one another and have developed a great bond. I have come to terms that he will never be socially engaged like all of his peers (although everyone really likes him, he has a hard time with any attention-and gives off an almost snobby vibe). I am thankful that he has developed a friendship-and I am thankful for the friendship that I have developed with his best friend's mother. Another thing to consider is that your child may retreat from peers because of too much sensory input. Learning to deal with too much sensory input may need to happen before your child can learn to deal with social issues."

Parenting Difficult Teens with Asperger’s and High-Functioning Autism

If you are a parent of a teen with Asperger’s (AS) or High-Functioning Autism (HFA), you undoubtedly have bigger challenges to overcome than you ever thought possible. There may be days where you feel all alone in your trials and tribulations.  You are most likely aware that he somehow always finds a way to get under your skin. Furthermore, his meltdowns, unpredictable temper, and natural instinct of reclusiveness may make communication nearly impossible.  If this is a challenge that you are facing, the tips listed below will help you positively parent your “special needs” adolescent.




Should ASD Teens Try To Be "Normal"?

If you have a teenager with  Autism Spectrum Disorder [Asperger's or High-Functioning Autism], how do you let him be who he is while still protecting him so he doesn't emerge traumatized? 




 •    Anonymous said... It is EXHAUSTING trying to be normal in this NT world. NO, they should not try to be normal. They should have acceptance in this world for being themselves.
•    Anonymous said... let them home school
•    Anonymous said... My husband was "forced" to be normal because his parents had no idea. Some of that helped him, but not all of it. Now, his littler brother (currently 16) is getting the exact opposite treatment for his Aspergers. I find that this is also unhelpful however. He gets away with murder most of the time. Forcing my husband to be "normal" helped him get a job and be able to go to college and to drive. My husband and I often talk about the two different experiences. He wishes there was a little more give in his childhood, but quite a bit more take from his brother's. Home/Private schooling would have been a dream. Right now, his brother is doing half online and half in room classes. My husband was forced to take responsibility for himself, but his brother isn't at all. There should be give, but I don't think carte blanche should be allowed.
•    Anonymous said... They can try, for sure, but experience shows they will be found out. So sad that others can't be more accepting of our differences. Having a couple of bullyguards is something I think every autistic individual should have. I had a few in school and that definitely helped, but social situations can leave one open to dangerous possibilities.
*   Anonymous said... When I was in highschool, there was a boy I am now certain had Aspergers. But back then, he was just viewed as a 'nerd'. He was ostricised, laughed at, had no friends. I felt so bad for him. But most of the time, he appeared oblivious. These days things are different, though. Being 'different' isn't as big a deal; more and more kids are letting their differences out. More people are aware of Asperger. I feel the key to an Aspie having a successful highschool 'career' lies in having a strong support system and a knowledge of what to expect. Just make sure they know that most kids will be very social, that there will be kids in relationships (make sure they know what that means), and ask them regularly about their day, if they had any issues or concerns. My son needs to be excused for pep rallies, for example: too loud, too much chaos. But there are so many opportunities. There are so many clubs where Aspies can delve into a subject of interest, giving them a sense of belonging and a chance to contribute. 

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Dealing with Asperger’s and HFA Children Who Hate Change

Parents may find themselves “walking on eggshells” in an effort to circumvent any extreme reaction from the AS or HFA child. Also, the children themselves may articulate their anxiety over fears that things will not go according to plan, or that they will be forced to make changes that they can’t handle.

Sometimes these behaviors are identified as “obsessive-compulsive” because of the child's need for ritualized order or nonfunctional routine. The idea that OCD and these “needs for sameness” could share some biologic features is a popular notion among professionals.

In this post, we will discuss the following:
  • the causes of inflexibility and behavioral rigidity
  • the signs of inflexibility and behavioral rigidity
  • what can parents do to help their AS or HFA child learn flexibility

Click here for the full article...



2024 Statistics of Autism in Chinese Children

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) has emerged as a significant public health concern worldwide, and China is no exception. As of 2024, new rese...