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Effective Teaching Practices for Students with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

As a parent of a child with Aspergers (AS) or High-Functioning Autism (HFA), you may have had an occasion in which your child’s teacher was unsure of what course of action to take given a particular issue related to your child’s condition. Not all teachers know how best to deal with an AS or HFA student – but most are willing to learn. If you have had such an experience, please feel free to copy and paste the “teacher’s tips” below and offer to provide a copy to your child’s teacher(s).

Effective Teaching Practices for Students with Aspergers (AS) and High-Functioning Autism (HFA):

1. A youngster with AS/HFA is likely to be more successful at completing school assignments and tests if the work is presented in a way that visually highlights and organizes important information. For example, the directions for a test might be highlighted so that he will be sure to see them. Important sections of a book can also be highlighted to help him study. If he will need specific information from a reading in order to complete an assignment, the educator could highlight that information in the text, or give him a written reminder telling him the type of information to look for.

2. A youngster with AS/HFA may be more successful at mastering some academic skills if aspects of the curriculum are geared towards his interests. For example, instead of trying to stop him from thinking about airplanes, he could learn math using airplanes. For example, when teaching division, you can have him calculate the speed of a plan that takes 5 hours to go 1000 miles.



3. A child with AS/HFA might also benefit from having an assigned peer who accompanies him in some less structured social situations. For example, an older child might volunteer to sit with him at lunch two days each week and help him to interact with other children in that setting. Such peers might also help him develop leisure skills. Some older kids from Boy Scout troops, church groups, or college children are often willing to help students by accompanying them on a community outing each week to places such as the bowling alley, movies, or science museum. Often an older boy can serve as a role model in a way that is more attractive to students with AS/HFA than when grown-ups are telling them how to behave.

4. As children with AS/HFA move into middle school and high school, extracurricular activities become another structured opportunity for peer interaction. Joining groups that are related to the strengths and interests of a youngster with AS/HFA gives them the opportunity to interact around a shared interest.

5. At times mothers and fathers of children with AS/HFA have difficulty finding out what happened at school. Two methods can be used to improve communication between the school and home. First, the child should keep a notebook in his binder that educators can use to send notes home. When the educators write a note, the child should place it in their folder for that class so that they will remember to show it to them when they do their homework. Likewise, they can place information in the various folders that they want to communicate to the educators.

==> Teaching Students with Aspergers and HFA

6. Computer skills can provide vocational and recreational skill. Many students with AS/HFA enjoy working on computers and find that some computer jobs suit them well. The use of the Internet has also been a way to meet others and form friendships that is more comfortable for individuals with AS/HFA than more conventional ways of meeting.

7. Consistent written rules will help the child with AS/HFA to know what is expected of him at all times. When one breaks a rule, you should remind him to look at his rules, rather than telling him what to do. When the educator tells a child what to do, the instructions take on a "personal" nature that can be difficult for a child with AS/HFA. By referring the youngster back to the rules the direction seems less personal, as though the rules sheet is saying what to do, not the person. Another way to make the rules seem more palatable are to put them on school letterhead, refer to them as school policy, or say that these are rules the doctor at the hospital (if they have been seen by a psychologist or psychiatrist) said they must follow.

8. Homework assignments may need to be written in a way that gives more information that other children usually need. For example, the other children may remember to copy the assignment from the board, but a child with AS/HFA might need the educator to write the assignment and put it in their folder. Along with the written assignment, the educator may also need to write a checklist of the materials the child will need.

9. If a youngster with AS/HFA feels a "rage" coming on, it would be helpful if the educator or caretaker would give him a written note to go to a predetermined quiet area of the school to write about why he or she is angry. All verbal directions from staff or mothers and fathers should stop as this tends to escalate the anger of a person with AS/HFA. If more directions are needed, it is helpful if the grown-ups write them out. At first the child may crumple up the paper, but usually if you leave the paper by them and walk away, he will eventually read it.

10. If a child needs to communicate with others when they are upset they should be encouraged to write to you (or write on the computer) as their ability to communicate verbally is reduced when they are anxious.

11. If classes rely on lecture as a teaching method, it may be necessary to find someone who can help the child with AS/HFA to take notes. This help could take one or more of the following forms depending on the needs and types of help that work best for them. The child could be paired with a classmate who writes clear notes and who could photocopy his notes to share with the child, or the child with AS/HFA might tape record classes to help him remember the lectures, or his educator might provide him with an outline of the lecture.

12. It is very important for children with AS/HFA to learn to rely on daily schedules. By doing so, they will be able to function in a more organized and independent manner as grown-ups. Children with AS/HFA should learn to independently follow the directions of a daily schedule that is contained on the inside cover of their school notebook. It could be housed within a laminated sleeve so that they can use a water soluble marker to cross off each event as it occurs. This is also a good avenue for introducing unexpected changes that may occur during the day. Changes should be highlighted so that he can anticipate them without becoming upset.

13. Many children with AS/HFA have been very successful in school when they are assisted by a personal aide. Again this should be a person who knows about AS/HFA. Such a person would benefit from receiving specific training regarding high-functioning AS/HFA. The role of this person should not be to serve as the child's shadow that steps in and helps whenever a problem arises. Instead, the aide is most helpful when she assists in developing and implementing the structure (e.g., schedules, modifying assignments, checklists, etc.) that will be useful in increasing the youngster's independence. This aide can also make sure that these structures are implemented throughout his day. Even when the child with AS/HFA is spending time in a special education class, it might be helpful for him to have the aide present. In this situation the aide might be responsible for implementing the structure and making sure that the child's assignments and instruction are commensurate with those being presented in regular classrooms. This might be necessary as his peers in a special education classroom may not have academic skills that are comparable to his.

14. When a youngster with AS/HFA understands what is going to happen next, he is less likely to become upset. The use of written schedules, written instructions, and routines will help the youngster to understand what is happening. Writing a schedule in a way that helps the youngster anticipate changes will help him to remain calm when those changes occur and writing activities into his schedule which are appealing to him will increase his interest in following the schedule.

15. Many students with AS/HFA have poor handwriting and their handwriting skills do not seem to improve with practice. It has been helpful to teach these kids keyboarding skills at as early an age as possible. Once these are mastered, many students have found it easier to complete homework assignments, take notes in class, and complete long-term projects. Often occupational therapists have provided valuable services in teaching children with AS/HFA to use keyboards.

==> Teaching Students with Aspergers and HFA

16. Many children with AS/HFA benefit from using a notebook that helps them organize their work and materials. These notebooks are usually ring binders that have a folder for every class during the day. The folder should have two pockets: one for assignments and the other for completed work. In addition to the folders, there should be a place for his daily schedule, a notebook for communication between educators and mothers and fathers, and a plastic pouch to carry his supplies. If he has difficulty organizing his supplies for different classes he may need a separate pouch for each class which could be placed in front of the class folder.

17. Often because of difficulties with communication, students with AS/HFA benefit from speech and language services. The focus of these services should be on developing pragmatic language skills. Speech therapists have served a number of roles in helping students with AS/HFA meet pragmatic language goals. The use of scripts can help the youngster learn what to say in a variety of situations. For example, if a child with AS/HFA has difficulty with other children during lunch, his speech therapist might help him develop a script for beginning a conversation and then a list of things to talk about. The child may also benefit from working with a speech therapist in groups where the group is learning to apply language skills in practical social situations, such as playing games together.

18. Often times, students with AS/HFA are impulsive. They will need special preparation before entering new situations. This might require having someone who is familiar with the youngster "scout" the situation ahead of time to anticipate possible problems and then write out rules that the youngster with AS/HFA can review and keep with him when he enters that situation.

19. Often the outbursts and impulsive behaviors of children with AS/HFA can appear to be manipulative, purposeful rule breaking, or intentional rudeness. In most cases, these problems will be related to the youngster's condition and should be addressed in ways that are different than the ways there behaviors might be addressed in other students.

20. Providing students with checklists is another way to help them remain organized. For example, when the child has homework assignments it would be helpful to provide two pieces of information. At the top of each homework assignment sheet would be a list of necessary materials. On the bottom would be his assignment written out in detail. Giving the youngster checklists is particularly helpful when he has to complete short series of related activities or when they need to organize a group of materials. For a chore at home they might need a checklist for completing the steps necessary to clean their room. "Clean your room" would be an item on their schedule. Then a checklist could be posted in their room telling them all the things they need to do (e.g., sweep the floor, put your toys in the toy bin, put your school notebook in your backpack, put your books on the shelf, put away your clean clothes, make your bed, etc.). They would check off each item as they completed it so that they would know whether they have finished all of their tasks.




21. Providing a child with structured opportunities to interact with peers can help him develop his social skills. Just putting him in situations where other students are present, however, is unlikely to be helpful. Instead, inviting children into his special education class to play structured games is a way to give him practice interacting while keeping the interaction focused through a concrete game. In some cases, providing his peers with simple information about AS/HFA is also likely to make his peer interactions more successful because they will know more about why he does the things that seem odd to them.

22. Social skills will improve when these students are provided with strategies that will improve their understanding of social situations and give them specific behaviors to use when they are interacting with others. Two such strategies, Social Stories and Comic Strip Conversations, have been developed by Carol Gray of Jenison Public Schools in Michigan.

23. Some students with AS/HFA benefit from individual counseling. This counseling does not take the form of insight oriented counseling. Instead it makes use of many of the strategies described above, such as the social stories, to help develop social skills. Other strategies include role-play, concrete problem solving, such as making a list of who to talk to when someone teases you, or helping them to develop the skills to write their own schedules. Occasionally there are more emotional issues that need to be addressed but every attempt should be made to relate these issues to concrete information that can be understood by the child and to keep these discussions from being too open-ended. Frequently some portions of these counseling sessions are more successful when they take place by writing back and forth to each other.

24. Some children have difficulty remembering which books to take home. It is often helpful to give children with AS/HFA two sets of books; one for home and one for school. This reduces the number of ideas that the youngster needs to organize to be able to complete his homework in a timely way.

25. Sometimes it is difficult for students with AS/HFA to carry on reciprocal conversations because they are so driven to talk about their own interests. Many are able to put off talking about their interests to another time if they know when that time will be. For example, you might write on his schedule that he will be able to talk to the teacher about airplanes at 9:30. When he starts interrupting class or a private conversation by bringing up airplanes, you can remind him that you will talk about it at 9:30.

==> Teaching Students with Aspergers and HFA

26. Students with AS/HFA might benefit from visual techniques designed to help them understand the nature of reciprocal conversations. For example, visual symbols can be used to learn pragmatic skills such as taking turns and not interrupting. The child and a peer might be given a box of Legos and a list of topics. Each peer could take turns choosing a topic. This may help the youngster to understand that he cannot always talk about his own interests. As each peer takes a turn to say something about the topic, he gets to place a Lego onto another and pass the structure to the next peer. Once the group get used to this game it can be elaborated. For example, the members of the group might only be able to put a block on if he says something directly related to what the person said before. Or the group members can draw cards that tell them what sort of comment to make on their turn. One card might instruct the youngster to ask a question of the youngster who just spoke. Another card might tell the youngster to say something he liked about what the person just said. Other cards might emphasize nonverbal pragmatic skills such as drawing a card that tells the youngster to show someone you are interested without saying anything or show someone you agree without saying anything. Strategies such as these give students repeated practice in conversational skills.

27. Usually when students with AS/HFA become upset or engage in inappropriate behaviors, they are unlikely to have the skills to appreciate why what they are doing is wrong because they cannot form those cause and effect social connections. It is tempting to think that bright children would know the effects of their behavior on others, but this is often not the case and it is best to err on the side of AS/HFA when interpreting misbehavior. Visual comics and stories will help them to understand social situation better and will help them to know what to do.

28. When children with AS/HFA are mainstreamed into the regular classroom setting, it would be best to do so for classes that are interesting to them and which are related to their strengths. For example, special needs children are often mainstreamed into electives such as physical education classes. Such a strategy would probably not be successful for students with AS/HFA. The social nature of this type of class and the relative lack of structure would make it difficult for them to have success in this setting. They would be much more successful if they were placed in a class such as math, and electives, such as computers, which are academic strengths, strong interests, and take place in a structured setting.

29. When you are preparing students to work or play independently, they will be most successful if you provide them with important “written” information (e.g., How much am I expected to do? How will I know when I am finished? What am I expected to do? What will I do next?). By knowing ahead the answers to these questions, the youngster will be more successful and independent in completing activities. Having a clear understanding of what is happening and what they are supposed to do will also decrease any anxiety they feel when they are unsure and unable to ask for clarification.

30. Worksheets might need to be reorganized to help the child be more successful. He is more likely to finish all the problems and follow directions if there are fewer problems on each sheet of paper and if the place for his answers is large and prominent. For example, his class might have a homework assignment of 20 problems that are all written on the same page. The child might be more successful if his assignment contains the same 20 problems, but on 4 different pages. Each problem might be accompanied with a large numbered box that corresponds to the number of each problem so that he can clearly see where the answer belongs and also clearly see whether he has finished all of the problems on the page.


More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book


==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

Rigidity in Children with ASD Level 1 [High-Functioning Autism]

Have you ever wondered why your child can be so stubborn? Here's why:






COMMENTS:

Anonymous said...
Thank you! This describes my son to a T! He had a meltdown last night because I hadn't warned him that a meeting was starting 1/2 hour earlier than he was used to. This helps explain that!

Anonymous said...
I have a 6 1/2 year old that has just been diagnosed last week with Asperger's, we were told from age 13 months when we adopted him that people thought he was Asperger's but never got a diagnosis, it has been a very trying few years let me tell you! I know nothing about Asperger's and would really like some support, reading some of the articles below and comments alot of them sound like my son! If nothing else it's nice to read that my son isnt the only child with these issues, meltdowns are a major problem we have had with him...any comments and idea's / help is appreciated

Anonymous said...
My son is 13 years old and was just diagnosed about a month ago.........I always had a feeling however it still took forever for the diagnoses. One thing I have found is routine is imperative........When we do change up his schedule I always give him a heads up prior to the change and that makes all the difference in the world!! Meltdowns use to happen almost daily, now it's about once every 2 weeks.

Anonymous said...
I never knew much about Asperger's at all but have been told by different people that have worked with Zak that they thought he might be that, but getting a diagnosis from a doctor takes forever! Honestly when he gave me that diagnosis I was relieved but yet worried that I don't know what to do for Zak. he has had MAJOR meltdowns and is better on Concerta and all the other meds he takes (which I feel like a drug store) but still has them daily, its like he wants everything to be his way, he actually told me the other day he doesnt want to live here because we wont give him his way all the time, I keep saying its like he is a spoiled brat?? though we do give him a lot we try to be firm with him.

Teaching Self-Care Skills to Children with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

When our challenged Aspergers or high-functioning autistic (HFA) kids are young, it’s natural for parents to want to do things for them. Learning new skills is frustrating, and finding ones at the right developmental level is tricky. However, recognizing that these kids can never have any degree of independence if moms and dads don’t teach them to take care of themselves is an important step first toward showing your youngster "the ropes."

For some kids on the autism spectrum, even the simplest things require carefully thought-out teaching. Lacing-up shoe strings, dressing, hand-washing, teeth-brushing, bed-making, etc. are all projects you may want to tackle with your youngster, but it's not always easy to see how to teach things that seem so simple and so obvious.



One of the most useful instructions is teaching skills backwards: Do everything for your youngster up to the final step, then let him complete the task at hand (e.g., give shoelaces that last tightening tug). Gradually, over days or weeks, you’ll add more and more steps until he is starting at the very beginning. It’s a great way to ensure that teaching sessions always end with success.

Here are some more important tips for teaching self-care skills:

1. Be consistent. Use the same cues, gestures, words, prompts, and procedures.

2. Because moms and dads often lack the time or energy to spend long hours of intense work with the youngster, most activities must be planned to fit into the routine of the day, or they will not be carried out (e.g., when traveling in the car, work on “the use of hand wipes” after your child has taken the last lick of his ice cream cone).

3. Do not hurry; be patient. Progress may be slow at first. It's normal to feel some frustration. Think back to when you last learned a difficult task. If you need to take a break or relax, go ahead.

4. Give both the youngster positive feedback and lots of encouragement for his efforts.

5. If one way does not work, try another way until you find one that does!

6. Once the youngster can do a skill, let her do it on her own – even if it takes longer. If your youngster thinks you will help, she will stall long enough for you to do it. The youngster needs to know that she can do things and that her mother and father can expect that of her.

7. Once the steps to a particular task have been identified, you can choose to use – and then fade-out – physical prompts with backward or forward chaining. In backward chaining, full manipulation of the youngster is given on all steps until the last one, which the youngster performs independently. As training progresses, prompts are faded to the next to the last step and so on until the youngster performs the entire task without help. In forward chaining, fading begins with the first step, and then assistance is given on the others. Forward chaining should be used if the youngster already knows some of the steps.

8. Seize teachable moments (e.g., if all of a sudden one day your youngster decides he is going to make his first peanut butter sandwich all by himself – and it’s not going so well – stop what you are doing and turn the experience into a “sandwich making” lesson.

9. Some moms and dads feel that they can only work on one specific objective at a time. They become very concerned with small tasks and forget to let the youngster be a kid. During times such as bathing, outside exploring, feeding, washing dishes and playing, many skills can be taught or reinforced without thinking things like: "I cannot do that now, I am working on another skill this week" or "I do not know all the steps to teach that skill yet."

10. Teach skills within age-appropriate, functional activities with real objects to help the youngster generalize information.

11. Analyze the behaviors involved in completing a certain task. Write those steps down into a workable sequence, and then put it in “social story” format.

12. Try doing the task in question yourself – blindfolded! What steps do you go through? How do you do it? How would you deal with the difficult steps?

13. Use common sense. Teach new skills when and where they happen so that the youngster learns there is a reason for what he is doing.

14. Use of consistent routines is critical. Routines give the youngster a sense of control and an understanding of what comes next or what will happen. When routines are disrupted, the youngster on the spectrum may be fussy and take a day or two to get back into the routine.

15. Reward yourself and your youngster for the "big" successes that occur (e.g., “Great! You have officially learned how to tie your shoes. Hurray!!! Let’s go get an ice cream cone to celebrate.”).

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

Dealing with People Who Judge or Criticize Your Child with ASD

 "Help! I have a mother-in-law who believes that all my boy (high functioning autistic) needs is a 'good wippin' ...please, give me a break ...like spanking a special needs child will get him to snap out of it. What do you do with a person like this who has such a narrow perspective? She has no clue!"

Do you have a family member, friend, or coworker who talks about your youngster's problems as if he/she wasn't standing right there …who consistently criticizes your parenting skills …who questions your judgment …who glares at your youngster as if he/she is a freak …or who treats him/her like a “problem child” who simply needs to “learn how to behave”?

No doubt, you as the parent of a child with Aspergers or High-Functioning Autism (HFA) have probably found yourself on the receiving end some narrow-mindedness, intolerance, and downright discrimination among those who are (a) ignorant about the condition, and (b) quick to judge.

Managing the judgmental people in your life takes some special “people-skills” that you wouldn’t need if you didn’t have a special needs child.

Here are some tips for dealing with the critics:

1. Just as you know your youngster is bound to behave unacceptably in certain situations, accept that judgmental people are going to state their opinions whether you want to receive it or not. One idea is to change the environment by removing yourself from it. Avoid these people if you possibly can. If you can't, plan your escape just the way you might plan to get in and out of the shopping center quickly with your easily over-stimulated youngster. Have a reason prepared for leaving early, or hanging up quickly.

2. Looking at judgmental people as “specimens to be examined” rather than “idiots who should know better” can take away some of their power.
  • Are they so rigid in their thinking that they can't imagine anybody having a different opinion?
  • Are they so unhappy with their own lives that they want others to be unhappy, too?
  • Do they get a feeling of power from making inconsiderate comments?
  • Do they talk that way because they're insecure and want to build themselves up by tearing others down?
  • Is it possible that they're speaking out of caring and concern, but are just really bad at it?

As with your youngster, if you can figure out what the “critics” are getting out of their behavior, you can try to give them the same reward for behavior that is more acceptable.

3. Just as you can't expect your youngster to act his chronological age, you can't expect your mother-in-law (to use her as an example) to - all of a sudden - appreciate your parenting the way you would like. You may hope for a gradual improvement, and you may find ways to tolerate her attitude, but every time you expect her to act in ways she is fundamentally unable to, you set yourself up for disappointment. In the end, as with your child, you can only truly control yourself.

4. Keep the conversation away from negative comments about your child’s behavior by increasing positive comments about theirs. Flattery may get you everywhere. A kid on the autism spectrum benefits from hearing lots of enthusiastic, positive statements and observations, with negatives delivered as unemotionally as possible. Try that with the judgmental people in your life. If they turn the conversation toward your child’s shortcomings, turn it back with something nice about them. Use distraction as a tool to covert negativity into positivity.

5. If you know you're in for a stressful encounter, talk to a empathetic friend ahead of time to strengthen yourself emotionally. During the encounter, think only about what a great story this will make later on. Then, when you get home, share the outrageous behavior with your friend or a support group. If you've ever vented about your youngster's behavior, you'll know just what to do.


Resources for parents of children and teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism:



COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said... All I can say is forgive her for her ignorance, she doesn't get it! You know ur child better than anyone, and know what it is they need. Pay NO attention to the rest who have no clue or idea! Cherish every little difference he has...a child with Special needs isn't given to just anyone! Take care of u, too!!

•    Anonymous said... Hear you well, I keep my mil at a distance as she deliberately winds him up which then the only solution is to leave, so now I just say why bother going there. I'm the one that then has to spend the next few hours calming him down, not her.

•    Anonymous said... I also feel your pain, and I found it so difficult until I remembered that I'm his parent and he is my child, my child who I love and want the best for and being swayed in any way by other people is not what is best for him or any child x

•    Anonymous said... I feel your pain! I have some family members who say similar things and aren't interested in being more educated about what it can mean to live with Asperger's and that harsh physical punishments DO NOT WORK. The hardest part is that my son feels their judgments and knows that they treat him differently because of it.

•    Anonymous said... I have a MIL that blames me for how he is. She said "I don't mean to insult you but it's your fault he is like this". My jaw hit the floor and of course my husband was not around at the time. She continued to go on and say I should have read to him more, disciplined him better..etc. I took a long breathe and just let it go. I did not argue with her because I feel she is ignorant and if she feels she has to blame someone let it be me. I can take it!

•    Anonymous said... My son is 8 and I would never dream of smackin him thats cruel. We now have cards that we show to people who huff and puff when hes having a meltdown

•    Anonymous said... Well, I wouldn't really suggest taking my advice! However, my sister in law told me I needed to whip my son's bottom once. I looked at her and told her I couldn't spank autism out of my son any more then I could slap the ignorance out of her. She hasn't said anything since lol. don't mess with momma bear!

•    Anonymous said... Your spouse tries to educate her. If she persists, then she doesn't have access to your child any longer. It's that simple.

•    Anonymous said…  Sounds like your mother in law needs her attitude adjusted by means of an ass whoopin' herself. Rudeness and ignorance are not disabilties or medical conditions.

•    Anonymous said… Back in our early days we also had people of the same opinion, the day we started giving a smack was the day he started hitting us when he was upset or angry, all it did was teach him that's what you do when your cross. It took us close on 2 years to get him to stop.

•    Anonymous said… Change your ignorant mother-in- law!!!!

•    Anonymous said… Detach and protect your child.

•    Anonymous said… Detach... like Marisol said! I have had similar comments from family and it is heartbreaking. Not only because you are going through such intense emotional ups and downs but also having little support and understanding. We are the only ones who know what is best for our kiddos. Stay strong!!!!

•    Anonymous said… Educate her. Ask her to educate herself. Have her come to a doctors appointment with you and your son so the doctor can inform her. I'm sure you just suggesting these things to her will help her perspective on the matter.

•    Anonymous said… Either educate her or keep your child away

•    Anonymous said… Eliminate them from your inner circle. Reduce contact.

•    Anonymous said… Just think how quickly autism/Aspergers would be cured if beatings worked!

•    Anonymous said… Get her to Google autism....then she can babysit for a few days.

•    Anonymous said… grandparents are gold aren't they? I educated my parents by giving them tons of stuff to read. they stopped offering advice after that.

•    Anonymous said… Great advice. Thank you.

•    Anonymous said… I do spank my Aspie son well not anymore he is 13 BUT i also can tell a meltdown from just him being disobedient dont getting all judgmental I don't tell anyone how to raise there kids and I dont beat my son. I have the typical teenage behavioral issues but hes a doll at school and he knows how to act. Also he does not have ODD or any disorder such as so I think in my situation is fine. If you dont think thats what your child needs that OK and you could also tell them it has nothing to do with him being a ASPIE and you just disagree with spankings

•    Anonymous said… I think this is a common issue... Its so easy to sit on the other side of the fence and judge our patenting...

•    Anonymous said… I would try to give her info on it and let.her know she can either support you and your husband or keep her mouth shut cause its not helping the situation and its putting more stress on both the parents and child. I hate it when ppl try and tell you how you need to raise your child

•    Anonymous said… I'd Ban her from my home! Which is exactly what Iv done with mine! My Philosophy has become "If you don't accept my ASD Son for who he is ur not welcome in my home!" My Priority is my sons happiness not a MIL or anyone else who can't accept him!

•    Anonymous said… I'd say take him I. Will pick him up in two weeks . Good luck . She won't say it again also get some info leaflets leave them about . Xx

•    Anonymous said… Ignore them! Simple enough...

•    Anonymous said… It's a little unconventional, but I had a grandmother say this a few times and I finally said, "Go ahead! He's all yours, I'll pick him up in a few days. " She actually got quiet and never said it again. I love her and I know she loves me and him, she's just uninformed (like so many). Her biggest issue wasn't so much his behavior, but she was worried about me and my stress level. She'll still make comments here and there, but she's 91 so I let a lot slide.

•    Anonymous said… Mine just left after 6 days...she doesn't think we should offer any negative consequences and enables all his negative behaviors...so I can relate to not feeling supportive! I agree thT this person can't be in your inner circle and you can't trust them to supervise the child. We have opted to have minimal contact...lots via phone or emails with pictures...but minimal with actual presence so as to avoid added stress of her opinions to both of us and our son! Key is focus less energy on people like that...direct it at your child and your husband!!! You guys staying on the same page as parents is where the energy needs to go!!

•    Anonymous said… My mother feels the same way. I told her to get lost.

•    Anonymous said… My whole family thinks this about my son.

•    Anonymous said… Offer to smack the stupid out of her.... I have a special needs child with autism/Aspergers & I will not "spank it" out of him.

•    Anonymous said… Phahah some people!! Shes be wiped off my list of people I call family or friend straight away!! She needs to learn the right way to deal with an aspie and if not jog on!!

•    Anonymous said… Punitive punishment does not work on Aspies. She needs to buy a clue. What worked for our son when he was young ..was to lock him "out" of his room, hide the Nintendo (the original), and when he got older password protect the computer and up to and including disconnecting the internet.

•    Anonymous said… So many believe this. Sadly, I once did but I read alot & it just isn't the right way at all.

•    Anonymous said… Some of my family too. No stress people don't underatand and always have opinions when they spectators

•    Anonymous said… Spanking doesn't work. It like dealing with a permanent diagnosis everyday/24/7. It does not go away. You can use routine, schedules, and behavior therapy, and behavior modification. Now, I am 46 years old and normal. A spanking worked for me. To each its own. Spanking doesn't work for Aspies. It may work as a last resort for my others but not special needs. I believe in discipline as a last option for my others kids. I will go to every extreme to avoid a physical discipline. I turned out great.

•    Anonymous said… Tell her to read about Asperges children b4 she starts telling you how to bring your child up .sort her behaviour out b4 she stats to critisize you what a bitch she knows nothing.

•    Anonymous said… There is nothing to be done. The MIL isn't the parent, and while mom and dad can be kind and communicative with grandma, parenting the child is for the mom and dad. If you have differing opinions on how to handle things, that is ok.

•    Anonymous said… Wip the MIL.

•    Anonymous said… You can't spank the Autism out of a child (or any other learning/neurological difference for that matter either).

•    Anonymous said… You have to cut family like this off they don't make a good support net work! And you wouldn't ever trust them to take care of your child.

•    Anonymous said… You tell her if she is going to continue that way of thinking, she's not welcome around your family. That's what I would do. I have zero tolerance for ignorance and violence.

•    Anonymous said… Your MIL's philosophy is so misguided. I would not allow my child with her unsupervised. Shame on her.

•    She's very ignorant! The best thing you could do is actually find a very good book on the subject. Read it yourself and highlight things on it then pass it onto her to read! Hitting doesn't solve anything!

•    Anonymous said… When my MIL did this, my response was: "I live with your son, who has no respect for you and won't even visit. How'd that work for you?" Didn't shut her up, but I felt better about it.

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Eating at a Restaurant: 25 Tips for Parents of Children on the Autism Spectrum

Eating out as a family can be a lot of fun, or it can be a terrible catastrophe if your Aspergers or high-functioning autistic (HFA) son or daughter can't be accommodated in a way that helps you keep the peace. With a little preparation and these simple tips, you can give your dining experience the greatest chance at success.

You'll also be able to cut and run when you need to. And always remember, your child doesn't need to actually eat supper at the restaurant if he's a picky eater. Is he refuses to eat what he ordered – it’s not worth fighting over. Simply get a “to go” box.

Eating at a Restaurant: 25 Tips for Parents of Children with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism—

1. Ask for a booth. Child-containment is easier in a booth than at a table. Put your  youngster between an adult body and the wall, or between two adult bodies.

2. Ask for food right away. A hungry youngster is a cranky youngster. Ask for crackers or a small appetizer as soon as you sit down.



3. Ask for the bill right away. One of the most dangerous moments of restaurant dining comes when your youngster wants to get out of there – NOW! But you still have to get the waiter's attention, get the check, get the change, and leave the tip. Even if the staff is prompt with your requests, that tense time of waiting can make the difference between a successful outing and an unsuccessful one. Request the check when the food comes, pay while you're eating, and be ready for a quick getaway.

4. Be a regular. Kids with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism often thrive on routine, so going to a familiar place may buy you better behavior and less agonizing over what to order. Then, too, if the staff gets to know you, your family may receive more personalized service and more generous understanding. If you find a place that's particularly accommodating, reward them with repeat business. Tipping generously wouldn't hurt, either.

5. Bring food. Sounds crazy to bring food in a restaurant, right? Depending on the popularity of the restaurant and the food you order, there are times when the wait for food is too long for Aspergers and HFA children. There is the option of appetizers, although most are not overly healthy options and will likely spoil a youngster's appetite before dinner arrives. Instead, take a small snack (e.g., a handful of crackers, a few fruity snacks, etc.). Yes, moms and dads tend to think of this when the diaper bag is still around, but even at 6 years of age, your youngster can get hungry when a restaurant is moving extra slow. The little snack saves you money and keeps him from filling up before dinner.

6. Bring props. A restaurant can be a boring place with nothing to do except stab things with salad forks. It will be well worth it if you keep a bag of small (silent) toys just for restaurants, waiting rooms, and other times when you need a happy child (e.g., tiny "magic writers," crayons and a little notebook, small books, dime store games, etc.).

7. Call Ahead. Ask if the restaurant is a child-friendly environment. Mention that you’ll be bringing a “special needs” youngster so that the staff is ready when you arrive. This will also increase your chances of getting a waiter who’s good with children. If you anticipate coming back, leave a good tip.

8. Dine at off-times. Honestly, if you're taking your youngster out for dinner at 7 p.m. on a Saturday night, you deserve the nightmare of long wait-times, cramped dining rooms, and slow service that you're sure to get. Get to the restaurant early in the evening and/or on weeknights for a more leisurely, low-stress dining experience (and fewer disapproving fellow diners).

9. Do some advance research. If you're not sure a restaurant will have something that fits your youngster's dietary needs or picky tastes, see if you can find a menu online. Many chain restaurants have websites that give nutritional information and other previews of what your mealtime choices will be. If the restaurant you're investigating has no such online presence, call and speak to a staff member, or stop by and preview the menu prior to dining there.

10. Don't allow any bad behavior. If your youngster acts up, then the minute he starts, scoop him up and remove him from the situation. You don't have to punish him. You just have to remove him to a place where he will not bother anybody. Explain to him that he was upsetting people, and when he's feeling calm, you can go back. If he's truly in a meltdown state, get a doggy bag and wait a month to try again.

11. Everyone to the bathroom right after drinks come out. This way even if they don't have to go, they get a chance to try, and their hands are washed before dinner. No more getting up and spending 5 minutes in the restroom while your food gets cold. The added bonus for fidgety children is the chance to get out of their seat and move around a bit while their food is cooking.

12. Have fun! This is the biggest one of all. Happy kids are easy to handle. Be silly, make it enjoyable and your youngster will naturally be much easier to deal with.

13. Hide the condiments. If the table has bottles of salt and pepper and sugar and ketchup and what-all sitting conveniently in the center of the table where you youngster just will not stop playing with it, move it. Put it out of your youngster's reach, put it on a nearby empty table, or ask the server to take it away. Even bland food is more tolerable than spending an entire meal saying “put that down!” and scooping up spilled spices.

14. If your youngster has allergies, ask questions. The menu may say pasta with marinara sauce, but when it arrives with that unwanted sprinkle of cheese on top (because he is lactose intolerant), your kid is not going to be happy about waiting while a new plate is made for him. Also, be sure to check the food to ensure an entirely new plate was made and not just scraped off the old one.

15. Make it quick. No youngster, no matter how well behaved, will sit nicely on his hands for 1½ hours. Be realistic when you choose a restaurant and a time for going.

16. Pack some hand sanitizer so you don't have to stress too severely if your fidgety youngster crawls under the table.

17. Pick places where your youngster will be welcome. Eating at a restaurant is going to be hard enough. Don't add the burden of taking your youngster someplace where perfect behavior will be a necessity. Save the fancy joints for a rare night out with friends or your spouse. There are enough loud kid-friendly restaurants around most neighborhoods to give you adequate choice and your youngster a little wiggle-room.

18. Practice beforehand. Host tea parties or fancy suppers to teach your child proper manners. Let her dress up if you like and make it fun. Explain about how adults eat and what good manners are. It will be much easier for her to act polite in restaurants if it feels like old hat.

19. Relax. Calm down. Your “tantrumming” youngster is not a reflection on your parenting skills or on your image. Do not let your youngster's annoying behavior make you cranky. Take some deep breaths and let go of any anger, embarrassment or resentment you may be feeling.

20. Remember that it's not a battle. You are not enemies at war with each other. You are your youngster's ally! If he starts to misbehave, then lovingly find a way to help him act better. Threats, insults, ignoring or grabbing will only give you a more upset youngster. You can be firm without being unfeeling, and you can discipline – and still be a loving, caring parent.

21. Request extra napkins. The napkins the restaurant sets out will probably quickly make their way to the floor, or get messed up by the time the salad course is cleared. Request extra napkins when you order so that you're ready when your youngster has a face-full of chili or hands full of spaghetti sauce. He who hesitates gets covered with it, you know.

22. Respond to trouble before it happens. This is the biggest way to keep your youngster well behaved in restaurants. If you wait until he's climbing the back of the booth and trying to sit on someone's head before you freak-out and drag him to the bathroom, you've lost. Instead, pay attention to his cues. When he starts to get fidgety and whiny, step in and find a way to redirect him. Once Aspergers or HFA children are being a full-fledged nuisance, there's no real way to correct it without making a scene.

23. Sit In The Back. When making a reservation, request an out-of-the-way table. If your children get cranky or hyper, they won’t disturb other diners.

24. Talk about it beforehand. Even a very young kid can understand if you explain that restaurants are places where we must have very good behavior. Right before entering, remind your youngster that nobody is allowed to be noisy or run around in restaurants.

25. Walk around. Go on at least one stroll. Take your child by the hand and slowly wander in whatever direction you’re not going to trip a waitress or annoy anybody. It gets the child out of his seat and lets him stretch, relieves boredom, and kills time while waiting for food. If your child is starting to get too cranky, take him to the bathroom or outside. There, let him unwind a little, and talk to him nicely about acting a little better.

More resources for parents of children and teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism:

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