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The Benefits to Parenting a Child on the Autism Spectrum

Moms and dads of Aspergers and high-functioning autistic (HFA) kids can lead lives that are often complex, complicated by their youngster's differences. Many times such complications are imposed by others who do not understand or appreciate your child's way of being in the world.

Like all parents, you have likely done or said hurtful things to your child out of frustration or exasperation. This is typical of any mother or father, not just the parent of a youngster with Aspergers or HFA. Your frustration may stem from your child's limitations or your own challenge to cope day-to-day. You may wish your son or daughter would “snap out of it” and “get with the program.”

If you have been unable to see the glass as half-full rather than half-empty, then hopefully these “benefits” listed below will help you to recognize the profound journey that you have embarked upon as a mother or father of a child on the autism spectrum.

The Benefits to Parenting an Aspergers or HFA Child:

1. Computer technology and the Internet have revolutionized the world, and in particular, have been a blessing for the autistic youngster. As a result, it is entirely possible for your child to communicate with others around the world who are also seeking a connectedness in learning about the disorder and themselves. Through these relationships, your youngster may very well develop an enhanced confidence and comfort level about living with the condition.

2. In seeking formal and informal supports for your youngster, don't be surprised if you are both a ‘recipient of service’ and an ‘educator to others’. It may be one of your missions in life to help other parents of "special needs" children who are currently going through trials and tribulations that you have previously experienced.

3. Many mothers and fathers who survived the turmoil that an “autism spectrum diagnosis” can bring have gone on to develop wonderful support groups, products, agencies and organizations to make life easier for others. Maybe you’ll be one of these humanitarians.

4. Even if you are struggling currently, understand that you are raising a child who will likely have the ability to (a) focus intensely (on obsessions if nothing else), (b) notice details, (c) have a good memory, and (d) be a visual thinker with a unique mind.

5. Understand that without your youngster in your life, you would be a different person. As the mother or father of a youngster on the spectrum, your life has been forever changed. Maybe you have become stronger, more vocal, or more defensive in protection of your youngster and his rights. Maybe you are more tolerant and compassionate of differences in people of all kinds. In any event, you have developed emotional muscles that you never would have developed otherwise.

6. Whether you realize it or not, you and your youngster have been on quite a journey together. He has worked very hard to adapt to people, places, and things that are often very difficult to understand without your support and guidance.

7. Even if you don't see it yet, your youngster has a great desire to give back to you and others. He has a lot to offer you as well as the rest of the world – and he has every reason to assume his rightful place in the world and be recognized for his contributions.

8. Whether you see it or not, your youngster has come a long way toward becoming more self-sufficient and independent.

9. Your youngster will reflect back to you what you project upon him. Armed with your loving support, your trust and your confidence, your son or daughter will be poised for great things. And you have every reason to expect them.

10. It is very likely that you will be able to say some great things about your youngster in the not-so-distant future. For example, my child:
  • Does not get bogged-down with preconceived notions
  • Is ambitious and motivated
  • Is dependable and a hard worker
  • Is honest and trustworthy
  • Is non-biased and non-prejudiced
  • Is usually fair, just and objective
  • Is very inclusive, accepting and non-judgmental
  • Is very intelligent and knowledgeable
  • Tends to finish what he/she starts
  • Will research everything exhaustively to come to well-rounded, factual based opinions

 More resources for parents of children and teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism:
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Theories of Aspergers

What are some of the prominent theories that attempt to describe Aspergers?

Aspergers appears to result from developmental factors that affect many - or all - functional brain systems. Although (a) the specific underpinnings of Aspergers that distinguish it from other Autism Spectrum Disorders are unknown, and (b) no clear pathology common to people with Aspergers has emerged, it is still possible that Asperger's mechanism is separate from other Autism Spectrum Disorders. Several theories are available, although none are likely to provide a complete explanation. Below are the current theories with the most credibility:

1. Neuroanatomical studies and the associations with teratogens (see “What is a teratogen?” below) strongly suggest that the mechanism behind Aspergers includes alteration of brain development soon after conception. Abnormal migration of embryonic cells during fetal development may affect the final structure and connectivity of the brain, resulting in alterations in the neural circuits that control thought and behavior.

2. The mirror neuron system (MNS) theory hypothesizes that alterations to the development of the MNS interfere with imitation and lead to Aspergers core feature of social impairment. For example, one study found that activation is delayed in the core circuit for imitation in people with Aspergers. This theory maps well to social cognition theories like the theory of mind, which hypothesizes that autistic-like behavior arises from impairments in ascribing mental states to oneself and others (called hyper-systemizing), which hypothesizes that people with Autism can systematize internal operation to handle internal events but are less effective at empathizing by handling events generated by other agents.

3. The under-connectivity theory hypothesizes under-functioning high-level neural connections and synchronization, along with an excess of low-level processes. It maps well to general-processing theories such as weak central coherence theory, which hypothesizes that a limited ability to see the big picture underlies the central disturbance in Autism Spectrum Disorders.

Functional magnetic resonance imaging provides some evidence for both under-connectivity and mirror neuron theories.

4. A related theory, called “enhanced perceptual functioning,” focuses more on the superiority of locally oriented and perceptual operations in people with Autism.

5. Other possible mechanisms include serotonin dysfunction and cerebellar dysfunction.

What is a teratogen?

A teratogen is any agent that can cause a birth defect. It is usually something in the environment that the mother may be exposed to during her pregnancy. It could be a prescribed medication, a street drug, alcohol use, or a disease present in the mother which could increase the chance for the baby to be born with a birth defect. About 4 to 5 percent of birth defects are caused by exposure to a teratogen.

Once the egg is fertilized (conception), it takes about six to nine days for implantation (anchoring into the uterus) to occur. Once the fertilized egg is connected to the uterus, a common blood supply exists between the mother and the embryo. In other words, if something is in the mother's blood, it can now cross over to the developing fetus. Teratogens are thought to have the ability to affect the fetus about 10 to14 days after conception.

During the development of a baby, there are certain organs forming at certain times. If a teratogen has the potential to interfere with the closure of the neural tube, for example, the exposure to the teratogen must occur in the first 3.5 to 4.5 weeks of the pregnancy, since this is when the neural tube is closing. There are some organ systems that are sensitive to teratogens throughout the entire pregnancy, such as the central nervous system. The central nervous system is the baby's brain and spine.

One teratogen that affects the central nervous system is alcohol. Alcohol, at any time during the pregnancy, has the potential to cause birth defects and health problems in the baby, since the central nervous system is sensitive to teratogens the entire nine months of gestation. This is why alcohol consumption should be avoided in its entirety during pregnancy.

There are many different teratogens that cause birth defects. Listed below are a few examples:

• Acetaminophen
• Alcohol
• Microwave ovens
• Phenytoin (Dilantin)
• Prenatal vitamins
• Spermicides
• Varicella


==> The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook
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Is Aspergers really a "disorder" -- or just a different cognitive style?

Some researchers have argued that Aspergers can be viewed as a different cognitive style, not a disorder or a disability, and that it should be removed from the standard Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (much as homosexuality was removed).

Why? The debate seems to revolve around the concept of "central coherence."

“Central coherence” (CC) is receiving increased attention across a variety of clinical neuroscience disorders. Essentially, CC describes a style of thinking on a continuum. On one end of the continuum, you have people who tend to think globally or use a gestalt perspective (i.e., the big picture is seen rather than paying attention to details). The other end of continuum includes people who are detail-oriented (i.e., they focus on details). Being on either extreme of the continuum can produce problems. Very high CC can lead to problems with missing important details that need attention or action. Those with very low or weak CC can be detail-bound, losing sight of important global interpretations of the situation or environment.

Aspies appear to have low CC and are overly-focused on details to the expense of a global perspective. This could explain typical Aspergers behaviors (e.g., valuing sameness, attending to parts of objects, persistence in behaviors related to details, etc.). With the concept of central coherence in mind, having a propensity for details suggests a “cognitive style” located on – or near – one end of a continuum, not a “disorder” per say.

Aspies have advocated a shift in perception of Aspergers as a complex syndrome  (i.e., a characteristic combination of opinions, emotions, or behavior) rather than a disease that must be cured. Proponents of this view (a) reject the notion that there is an "ideal" brain configuration and that any deviation from the norm is pathological, and (b) promote tolerance for what they call neuro-diversity. These views are the basis for the autistic rights and autistic pride movements.

The Internet has allowed Aspies to communicate and celebrate diversity with each other in a way that was not previously possible (due to their rarity and geographic dispersal). A subculture of people with Aspergers has indeed formed. For example, Internet sites like www.AspergersTeenChat.com have made it easier for Aspie teens to connect.

There is a contrast between the attitudes of grown-ups with self-identified Aspergers (who typically do not want to be "fixed" and are proud of their identity) and mothers/fathers of Aspergers kids, who typically seek assistance and a "cure" for their youngster.

Baron-Cohen wrote of those with Aspergers, "In the social world there is no great benefit to a precise eye for detail, but in the worlds of math, computing, cataloguing, music, linguistics, engineering, and science, such an eye for detail can lead to success rather than failure." Also, Baron-Cohen cited two reasons why it might still be useful to consider Aspergers a disability: (1) to ensure provision for legally required special support, and (2) to recognize emotional difficulties from reduced empathy.

It has been argued that the genes for Aspergers combination of abilities have operated throughout recent human evolution and have made remarkable contributions to human history. Here are just a few of the “abilities” associated with the Aspergers condition (i.e., a low central coherence cognitive style):
  1. Attention to detail – sometimes with painstaking perfection
  2. Higher IQ – some experts say that those with Aspergers often have a higher than average general IQ
  3. Focus and diligence – the Aspie’s ability to focus on tasks for a long period of time without needing supervision or incentive
  4. Higher fluid intelligence – scientists in Japan discovered that Aspergers kids have a higher “fluid intelligence” (i.e., the ability to (a) find meaning in confusion and solve new problems, and (b) draw inferences and understand the relationships of various concepts, independent of acquired knowledge) than non-autistic kids
  5. Honesty – the value of being able to say “the emperor isn’t wearing any clothes”
  6. Independent, unique thinking – people with Aspergers tend to spend a lot of time alone and will likely have developed their own unique thoughts as opposed to a ‘herd’ mentality
  7. Internal motivation – as opposed to being motivated by praise, money, bills or acceptance – which ensures a job done with conscience, with personal pride
  8. Logic over emotion – although people with Aspergers are very emotional at times, they spend so much time ‘computing’ in our minds that they get quite good at it –and they can be very logical in their approach to problem-solving
  9. Visual, three-dimensional thinking – some with Aspergers are very visual in their thought processes, which lends itself to countless useful and creative applications

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism


COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said... I am reading Tony Attwoods book and am waiting for the rest. It is very upsetting thinking about all the time I have lost and realising I must have this problem and no on noticed or did anything. I had the wrong type of counselling from someone who didn't know about AS. Isn't that really damaging ? SHe didn't get me at all. I felt I couldn't say what I wanted to. I felt inhibited and silly. I was worried about the reaction I would get. This is no good if you are having counselling. I read his book and see loads of parallels in my own past. The past which have tried to forget because it is painful and full of conflict. What I need is to compare real life scenarios with other people's experiences. That would really help. It would repair the past and improve my self-esteem. I would see myself in a new light. That's why I am hoping I can put stuff on here and you lot will say yes I did that I know what you mean, ~I am the same.
•    Anonymous said... We always explain it as my husband's brain is wired differently, or he runs a different Operating System - he's running on Linux while us neuro-typicals are running on Windows. It's not just thinking differently; there's more to it than that. But it does have to do with the brain.
•    Anonymous said... I suspect that there is more to all of the Asperger's/Autism/HFA connections than have currently been discovered by science. Generally speaking, I think Asperger's is being more frequently diagnosed because it is no longer culturally acceptable to be emotionally detached. When I read the descriptions of Asperger's symtoms, primarily the stoic expressions, lack of empathy, and perfectionism, I can list off about 50 people of older generations that I've known that would meet those requirements for diagnosis, but would have been considered completely normal until about 30 years ago. In addition, there is still a cultural stigma against any form of mental disability, a stigma that was worse in the past. I think it is entirely possible that we are seeing an increase in diagnosis because more people are seeking diagnosis, not necessarily because there is an increase in the condtion. As far as if HFA and Asperger's is a disbabilty or differenct cognitive style, I tend to think that in some ways it doesn't make a difference. Generally speaking, our society is based around certain rules of conduct and behavior, that have been established by the majority. It isn't good or bad, it just is. That doesn't mean that aspies can't participate, but we do have to understand that we are on the outside adapting to another culture. I tend to think of it as if I moved to a foreign country. I can't expect everyone to change their language and culture to match mine, I have to learn to mesh with theirs. I think it is important to accept both sides, that it is a different way of thinking, but it is also a SOCIAL diability that affects communication, and its the communication side of things that has to be worked on in order to mesh with society.
•    Anonymous said... From my experience (and just my opinion), it is a different cognitive style!

Please post your comment below…
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What the Future Holds for Your Child on the Autism Spectrum

There is some evidence that kids with Asperger's may see a lessening of symptoms as they mature. Up to 20% of kids may no longer meet the diagnostic criteria as grown-ups, although social and communication difficulties may persist. Although social impairment is life-long, the outcome is generally more positive than for people with lower functioning autism spectrum disorders.

Click here for the full article...


==> How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Aspergers and HFA
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Air Travel with Children on the Autism Spectrum: 25 Tips for Parents

Flying may be the fastest way to reach your destination, but it isn’t always the least stressful if you have an Aspergers or high-functioning autistic (HFA) youngster.

Though flying with kids on the spectrum adds a layer of complexity to your trip, you can avoid potential problems by thoroughly planning and preparing for the trip before you arrive at the airport.

Air Travel with Aspergers and HFA Children: 25 Tips for Parents—

1. All major airlines offer complimentary in-flight magazines providing detailed layouts that map the air terminals of major travel hubs. During the flight, “assign” your youngster to look up this information and share it with you.

2. Arrive at the airport early. Sprints down an endless terminal are difficult enough, but they are nearly impossible when holding your child’s hand.

3. As a diversion, your youngster may feel tempted to press the flight attendant call button more often than what is considered appropriate. Even though he may believe he has legitimate needs (or is perhaps just being a typical rascally kid), discuss this nuance of air travel with your youngster in advance of your travel arrangements, and set reasonable limits as you would for any youngster.

4. As with the any initial steps in vacation planning, your youngster can be helpful in locating and pricing air travel to and from your destination, including connecting flights and layovers.

5. Ask your youngster to develop a list of questions about flying for you to answer. If you are unable to respond to all the questions, find out who can (even if it must wait until you arrive at the airport). Your youngster may be able to address his questions by directing them to a ticket agent, security personnel, or flight-crew member.

6. Aspergers and HFA kids young enough to require car seats may be more comfortable using these seats while on the plane. A car seat or harness restraint is the safest place for kids during an emergency or turbulence. Parents using a car seat or harness must book a seat for the youngster. The number of car seats that can be used per row may be limited, depending on the type of the aircraft.

7. Consider making shorter trips (e.g., instead of flying to the Cancun, maybe a trip to Florida would provide as much “beach-fun” without all the extra travel time and customs issues).

8. Don't forget that being up so high in the air may be a very novel experience for your youngster. Make use of this unusual perspective to talk about what you both see when looking out the windows (e.g., cloud formations, the tiny appearance of cars and people on the ground, the winding course of rivers and streams, the checkered patterns of farmers' fields, etc.).

9. Don't forget to talk with your youngster about the trip, explaining each stage of the boarding process and the flight. Make sure he realizes that the bumpiness and engine noises are normal and not a signal of an impending crash. You may even want to visit the airport ahead of time.

10. Dress for comfort. Put the good-for-grandma clothes in a carry-on and let your child change into these after your arrival. On board, let your child wear comfortable play clothes, and don't forget to pack an extra set of clothes in your carry-on, especially when traveling with little ones. Since airplanes tend to be cold, make sure your child has an extra sweater or jacket at his seat. Don't forget to grab blankets and pillows as you board; there won't be any left later on when your child wants them.

11. During the flight, your youngster may become bored, impatient, or stressed. Ensure that he has plenty to keep him occupied (e.g., favorite books, drawing paper, interactive games, conversations that you've reserved for the trip, etc.).

12. Having headphones or ear-buds along to listen to pleasing music will greatly help to block out external noise that can consume your youngster and heighten his nervousness.

13. If traveling abroad, you can use flight-time to discuss and review the language and culture differences of the area to be visited.

14. If your youngster has never flown before, he will take his cues from you. If you make it sound exciting, adventurous, and interesting, your youngster will likely reflect your attitude. If you have a fear of flying but acquiesce out of cost efficiency or convenience, your youngster will quickly tap into your anxieties and internalize them as his own.

15. Know that the air pressure changes during takeoff and landing can cause ear pain in children who are sensitive to sound. Swallowing will help ears adjust to air pressure changes. Sucking on lollipops, chewing gum, or eating crackers can encourage your child to swallow.

16. Large airports can be overwhelming with their bombardment of sensory stimuli. Your youngster may enjoy taking in all the sights, sounds, and smells, or he may be unable to tolerate the combined convergence of the environment with its crowds of rushing people, perpetual PA system announcements, and other disorienting noises and visuals. Wearing an iPod or MP3 player may be necessary during this time, or asking your youngster to check the monitors to confirm arrival or departure information could prove helpful for him.

17. Prepare your child for security protocol. All children must undergo security screening. Younger kids must be removed from strollers or infant carriers before passing through the walk-through metal detector at the security checkpoint. Folded strollers and other equipment small enough to pass through the X-ray machine must be placed on the belt. Kids who are old enough to walk should walk through the metal detector, rather than be carried.

18. Some airlines offer passengers the option of either paying a fee to book a seat at the time the flight is booked or waiting until check-in to select seats. Consider reserving seats in advance to ensure that the entire family can sit together. Though waiting to select seats at check-in might be a good cost-cutting idea for grown-ups traveling alone, it can be a risky strategy for parents traveling with kids on the autism spectrum.

19. Take advantage of shortcuts to waiting in line at ticket counters, including curbside checking of luggage and free-standing e-ticket kiosks that automatically issue boarding passes with proper photo ID.

20. To build on the excitement of the journey, create a countdown calendar and put it on the refrigerator.

21. Waiting in line is an exercise in patience for most individuals, including kids on the spectrum. Recent trends in heightened airport security have made such lengthy delays standard. Request that your youngster learn about airport safety procedures in order to feel prepared in advance of flying.

22. When the call for boarding is made, it may be a good idea to take advantage of pre-boarding opportunities that usually include moms and dads traveling with kids or those needing extra time or assistance. This will give your youngster the chance to take a few minutes to acclimate to the look, feel, and sound of the aircraft before it fills with people.

23. When traveling to another country, are there guessing games to be played in which you and your youngster quiz one another about customs, geography, foods, or words indigenous to the country to which you are traveling?

24. Whenever possible, book a nonstop flight. This streamlines your trip and prevents change-of-flight problems. Traveling at non-peak times (e.g., late at night, midday and Mondays to Wednesdays) gives you a good chance of getting on less-crowded flights. On these take-offs you're more likely to find room for your child to stretch out and sleep.

25. While waiting to depart at your gate, suggest that your youngster engage in a favored activity, or you can play a word or memory game based upon the surroundings. As with all children, this may also be a good time to get a snack.

==> Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums in Kids on the Autism Spectrum
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2024 Statistics of Autism in Chinese Children

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