Educational Strategies for the Aspergers Student

Children with Aspergers (high functioning autism) can have difficulty in the classroom often because they fit in so well. Many may miss the fact that they have a diagnosis. When these kids display symptoms of their condition, they may be seen as defiant or disruptive.

Learning about Aspergers in general and about the specific characteristics of your "Aspie" student will help you effectively manage his or her behavior in the classroom.

Below are some helpful hints that can guide everyday school life for students with Aspergers. They can be applied to children with Aspergers across the school years and are applicable to almost all environments:

1. A buddy system can be helpful to Aspergers students. In social situations, the buddy can help the Aspie handle these situations.

2. Any changes―unexpected changes, in particular―can increase anxiety in a child with Aspergers; even changes considered to be minor can cause significant stress. Whenever possible, provide consistency in the schedule and avoid sudden changes. Prepare the youngster for changes by discussing them in advance, over-viewing a social narrative on the change, or showing a picture of the change. The environment can also be managed by incorporating child preferences that may serve to decrease his or her stress (e.g., when going on a field trip, the child might be assigned to sit with a group of preferred peers – or if the field trip is going to include lunch, the child has access to the menu the day before so he or she can plan what to eat).

3. Because children with Aspergers cannot predict upcoming events, they are often unsure about what they are to do. Provide information and reassurance frequently so that the child knows he is moving in the right direction or completing the correct task. Use frequent check-ins to monitor child progress and stress.

4. Children with Aspergers have difficulty distinguishing between essential and nonessential information. In addition, they often do not remember information that many of us have learned from past experiences or that to others come as common sense. Thus, it is important to state the obvious. One way to do this is to “live out loud.” Naming what you are doing helps the youngster with Aspergers accurately put together what you are doing with the why and the how. In addition, “living out loud” helps the child to stay on task and anticipate what will happen next.

5. Enforce bullying rules and minimize teasing.

6. Every Aspergers child needs to (a) be evaluated, (b) have a plan established addressing areas of weakness, and (c) have a teacher that believes in the student and expects him to reach appropriate grade level requirements. Teachers who are willing to learn and implement new strategies will provide the best education for all students.

7. Find opportunities throughout the day to tell students with Aspergers what they did right. Compliment attempts as well as successes. Be specific to ensure that the child with Aspergers knows why the educator is providing praise.

8. Frustration can develop from a lack of understanding that Aspergers students are unable to generalize the skills that they learn. For example, a parent or teacher might work at teaching the student how to respectfully address a teacher. Typically this skill would then be generalized to any person in a position of authority. A student with Aspergers is likely to only apply the skill to the person initially used as the target of respect in the learning process. He will probably not apply this behavior to a supervisor, principal, or police officer.

9. If you have a child with Aspergers, adjust your teaching strategies to accommodate the youngster. Many times, kids with this syndrome see things in a very concrete way. If a youngster raises his hand and the educator responds that she will be with him in 5 seconds, he may very well announce when the 5 seconds have passed because of the concrete way he views things. The educator will have to learn to be precise in what she says and use concrete materials rather than abstract ideas whenever possible in her lessons.

10. It is of the utmost importance that the teacher understands what Aspergers is and how it hinders students. Without a clear understanding of this disorder, the teacher will not understand the student. Actions that are clearly a part of the syndrome can be confused with behavioral issues and dealt with inappropriately.

11. It will be extremely important for an educator of an Aspergers child to create a supportive environment where she can thrive. If she is in an integrated classroom, this may mean helping the other children understand her special needs, pairing her with a buddy and having a consistent predictable schedule as part of the daily classroom routine. The educator may also want to create an area where the youngster can go to and calm down if she gets overwhelmed with a given activity.

12. Keep your language concise and simple, and speak at a slow, deliberate pace. Do not expect a child with Aspergers to “read between the lines,” understand abstract concepts like sarcasm, or know what you mean by using facial expression only. Be specific when providing instructions. Ensure that the youngster with Aspergers knows what to do, how to do it, and when to do it. Be clear, and clarify as needed.

13. Kids with Aspergers can have high levels of anxiety, which makes changes in routine and unpredictable events difficult for them to handle. An educator should plan well ahead and give the child plenty of advanced notice if a change in routine will occur or a new subject will be taught.

14. Kids with Aspergers often display what is known as splinter skills. In other words, they may excel in one area, even beyond their age level, and yet severely delayed in other areas. For this reason, it is important for an educator of a child diagnosed with Aspergers to have him tested in all of his skill areas. It should not be taken for granted that a youngster who excels in math will also excel in reading; many times the opposite may occur.

15. Make a visual schedule that includes daily activities for children with Aspergers. It is essential that the demands of the daily schedule or certain classes or activities be monitored and restructured, as needed (e.g., “free time,” which is considered fun for typically developing youth, may be challenging for children with Aspergers because of noise levels, unpredictability of events, and social skills problems). For a youngster with Aspergers, free time may have to be structured with prescribed activities to reduce stress and anxiety.

A good scheduling strategy is to alternate between preferred and non-preferred activities with periods in the schedule for downtime. It is important to distinguish free time from downtime. Free time refers to periods during the school day when children are engaged in unstructured activities that have marked social demands and limited educator supervision. Lunch time, passing time between classes, and time at school before classes actually begin all meet the criteria for free time. These activities are stressful for many children with Aspergers. Downtime, on the other hand, provides an opportunity for the youngster with Aspergers to relax or de-stress. Children’s downtime may include using sensory items, drawing, or listening to music to relieve stress. During downtime, excessive demands are not made on the children.

16. Middle school and high school settings present new social challenges for the Aspergers student. Passing periods are a desirable time of socializing for most students. For the Aspergers student, passing periods are a social zoo. Allow the student to leave 5 minutes early in order to avoid the overwhelming social interaction. Without such options, the Aspie could possibly spend most of the next class trying to recover from the distressing sensory overload experience.

17. Operate on “Aspergers time.” “Asperger time” means, “Twice as much time, half as much done.” Children with Aspergers often need additional time to complete assignments, to gather materials, and to orient themselves during transitions. Provide this time or modify requirements so they can fit in the time allotted and match the child’s pace. Avoid rushing a youngster with Aspergers, as this typically results in the youngster shutting down. When time constraints are added to an already stressful day, the child can become overwhelmed and immobilized.

18. Some peers can be educated about Aspergers and gain some understanding of what to expect from their fellow student.

19. There is an aspect of learning that is not obvious to students with Aspergers. This aspect of learning includes the basic “how to's” of living. These are things that other students seem to just know. The social know-how that tells most people what is inappropriate conversation material may be foreign to an Aspergers student. Teachers should instruct students struggling in this realm through the use of “scope and sequence” (i.e., teaching the student about the basics prior to expecting the generalized rules to be learned), direct instruction, social stories, acting lessons, and self-esteem building. Social stories and acting lessons give examples of proper actions in given public settings.

20. When planning activities, make sure the child with Aspergers is aware that the activities are planned, not guaranteed. These children need to understand that activities can be changed, canceled, or rescheduled. In addition, create backup plans and share them with the youngster with Aspergers. When an unavoidable situation occurs, be flexible and recognize that change is stressful for people with Aspergers; adapt expectations and your language accordingly (e.g., an educator could state, “Our class is scheduled to go to the park tomorrow. If it rains, you can read your favorite book on trains”).

Prepare children for change whenever possible; tell them about assemblies, fire drills, guest speakers, and testing schedules. In addition to changes within the school day, recurring transitions, such as vacations and the beginning and end of the school year, may cause an Aspie to be anxious about the change. Children with Aspergers may require additional time to adjust to the new schedule and/or environment.

==> The Complete Guide to Teaching Students with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

Aspergers Adults and Relationship Difficulties

Question

My son and my husband both have an Aspergers diagnosis. My husband and I no longer live together, and the diagnosis came a year after we separated, following my son’s. My husband no longer wants to work at the relationship and has given up (in my opinion). The divorce paperwork has been initiated.

1) How do you handle a spouse who refuses to accept the diagnosis and its impact on the marriage?

2) How do you handle extended family that refuse to accept the diagnoses (of your child/your spouse) - and continue to blame and lash out at the partner for all problems.

3) What do you do in the case of tactile sensitivities and no interest in sex? How can a spouse handle this?

Answer

Re: How do you handle an Aspergers spouse who refuses to accept the diagnosis/ and its impact on the marriage?

Accepting the diagnosis is not all that important really. What is important is that he understands that he has some areas of weakness (as we all do) on his end – regardless of the origin. So the new question could be, “How do you handle a spouse who refuses to see his contribution to the relationship difficulties.”

In that case, you really only have three choices: (1) continue to try to change him (good luck with that one), (2) take more responsibility for the relationship than he does (not recommended), (3) move on.

Re: How do you handle extended family that refuse to accept the diagnoses (of your child/ your spouse) - and continue to blame and lash out at the partner for all problems.

Don’t do the same thing (i.e., don’t blame them for not accepting the diagnosis). The more you try to convince them that it’s the “diagnosis” fault – not yours, the more you will strengthen their conviction that you were (are) the problem.

Let’s say for sake of argument that they ‘came to their senses’ and agreed that “Aspergers traits” have contributed largely to the relationship difficulties. What will they do with that information? If he’s not willing to work on the relationship, that information is rather useless. The Aspergers traits are not really the problem here – rather it is a spouse who is unwilling to work on the relationship.

Re: What do you do in the case of tactile sensitivities/ and no interest in sex? How can a spouse handle this?

To answer the first question, you may be assuming the lack of interest has to do with tactile sensitivities. This is not always the case. Here are some of the reasons men are not interested:

• I am angry at her

• I am depressed

• I am interested in sex with others, but not with my wife

• I am on medication that lowered my libido

• I am too tired

• I am/was having an affair

• I decided I’m gay

• I don't have the time

• I have difficulty achieving orgasm

• I lost interest and I don't know why

• I no longer find her physically attractive

• I prefer to masturbate, but not online

• I prefer to watch pornography online and masturbate

• I suffer from erectile dysfunction

• I suffer from premature ejaculation

• I wasn't interested in sex to begin with

• I'm bored

• She doesn't seem to enjoy sex

• She has gained a significant amount of weight

• She is depressed

• She is/was having an affair

• She isn't sexually adventurous enough for me

So his lack of interest could be any number of things.

Here are some things to consider about sexless marriages (which you may already know):

• It is often the man who loses his sexual interest – in fact, women complain about sexless marriages far more than men do.
• Sexless marriage doesn't mean zero sex – it can also mean very infrequent sex.
• Sexless marriages are very common – it is estimated that in the U.S. alone there are millions of couples who are living in a sexless marriage.
• Sexless marriages occur for a variety of reasons, and are usually the result of deeper relationship issues between husband and wife.
• Sexless marriages occur with couples of all ages, not just older couples.
• This may be common, but it's not something which has to happen – it's up to the couple to make sure it never happens.

Surviving a sexless marriage is very hard. The feelings of rejection are intense and build up over time. Unfortunately, it doesn’t sound like you will be able to “get him in the mood.” (If he were interested in working on the relationship, I would be giving you a bunch of suggestions to “get him interested.”)

So, move on (easier said than done, but you really should move on). Save your time and energy for a relationship worth keeping.

=>  Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples

=> Skype Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by Asperger's and HFA

Helping Aspergers and HFA Teens Cope With Life

The teenage years are the most difficult time for young people with Aspergers (AS) and High-Functioning Autism (HFA). Most experts do a great job of presenting the problems these teens face, but they offer few solutions.

Below are 50 tips for parents who want to help their "special needs" teenager survive and thrive during the tough adolescent years:

1. A regular bed time at a reasonable hour is more important than ever, if you can put/keep it in place. Regular routines of all kinds—familiar foods, rituals, vacations—are reassuring when the adolescent’s body, biochemistry, and social scene are changing so fast.

2. A regular bed time for the adolescent gives you time you can count on each evening for yourself and/or your spouse. If you can build in regular respite—such as a night your adolescent spends with a grandparent once a month—go for it, and plan ahead for some relaxation, fun, or culture. (Divorced moms and dads may be able to count on a little time alone or with friends as long as they set up and adhere faithfully to a regular visitation schedule.)

3. Adolescence is a time of tumultuous change for most kids, but for adolescents dealing with Aspergers or HFA, it can be one of tremendous difficulty. In order to combat this frustration, social training is critical. A small class with an instructor who is capable of creating strong bonds and trust within her students is paramount. Once this bond is created, systematic teaching of how to interpret indirect communication, manners, and body language can take place, and may help remarkably in allowing this type of adolescent to navigate the often confusing world of adolescence.

4. An activity the adolescent can walk to is great—for my grandson it was Tae Kwon Do lessons; he could decide how many lessons to attend each week, and get himself there and back. Learning to use public transportation is also great. Consider buying a T pass, or rolls of quarters.

5. Appropriate school placement and staff training, exercise (martial arts, yoga), and/or appropriate therapy with a carefully chosen professional, may help control the level of anxiety. Meds may need to be introduced or adjusted.

6. Forgive yourself for being an imperfect parent, and for not loving your youngster “enough.” Forgive yourself for sometimes losing your temper, yelling, or handling a tense situation awkwardly. Forgive yourself for getting your adolescent diagnosed “late”—there are still plenty of years in which to help your youngster. Forgive yourself for not arranging play dates, or sports, or tutoring, the way other moms and dads may be doing. We each offer our youngster our own unique talents, interests, and qualities, as people and as moms and dads. We each do the best we can to gather the information, insights, resources, and services that will help our children live and grow through adolescence. And—willingly or of necessity—we each end up making significant sacrifices for our children. In the hardest years my mantra was: “The best I can do has got to be good enough—because it’s the best I can do!” It is a hard job; we are all heroic moms and dads.

7. The “job description” of an adolescent is to pull away from moms and dads toward more independence; for our children, the process can be extra messy—not least because they may be even less ready for independence than other adolescents. Although some adolescents on the autism spectrum are more docile and child-like, be prepared to tolerate/ignore considerable distancing, surliness, or acting out, knowing that it won’t last forever. At the same time, set some firm limits, and keep a close eye on the youngster/adolescent’s welfare.

8. Be patient. Remember that kids and adolescents with Aspergers and HFA are relatively immature, socially and emotionally, compared to non-autistic kids of the same chronological age. Imagine sending a 10 year old off to high school (even if she has a chronological age of 14), or putting a 14 year old boy behind the wheel of car (even if he has a chronological age of 18)—or sending that 14 year old off to college or the army. We need to adjust our expectations for adolescents with AS—and make sure they still have appropriate supports. Don’t pull the “ramp” out from under the “wheelchair”!

9. Males may need to spend increased amounts of time with their fathers, and/or other male role models, as they undertake to become men. If dad has taken a back seat, let him know his son really needs his attention now. If you are a single mother, look especially hard for male mentors at your son’s school or in the wider community.

10. Build and use any support networks you can: extended family, close friends, church/synagogue groups, and an understanding school staff. If you don’t have a good network, consider individual or family therapy for a little support during a stormy, demanding life passage. When you have a demanding adolescent, it’s good to be reminded once a week that your needs and feelings are valid and important, too!

11. Consider delaying graduation in order to ensure that transition services are actually provided under DOE. It may be hard to convince an academically gifted, college bound student to accept this route. However, it may be very helpful for students who will need a lot of help with independent living skills and employment issues. Services need not be delivered within high school walls. Community college courses, adaptive driving lessons, and employment internships are just a few alternatives to consider.

12. Discipline & responsibility: A simple, low key, consistent approach is more important than ever, as adolescents become taller and stronger—not that physical restraint was ever very useful with our children. Pick your battles. Set and enforce only your bottom line rules and expectations—matters of safety and respect. Write them down. Make sure both moms and dads/all involved adults agree on the rules. Give choices when possible, but not too many. Engage your adolescent in problem-solving; what does s/he think would work?

13. Encourage your adolescent to carry a wallet disclosure card to show if stopped by a police officer or other first-responder. A lot of adolescents on the spectrum like to walk at night to unwind, and police may view their behavior as suspicious. You may want to introduce your adolescent to your local police community relations officer, and explain a little about the disorder.

14. Establish verbal codes or gestures to convey that one or both parties need a time out: a chance to cool down before continuing a difficult discussion at a later time.

15. Even for a previously well-adjusted youngster, multiple stressors during the adolescent years may bring on anxiety and even depression. Stressors seem to include increased academic/abstract thinking and social demands at school, peer pressure, increased social awareness, and fears of the future. Highly anxious adolescents who do not get help may be at risk for hospitalizations, school failure, acting out (including alcohol and substance abuse), or even suicide attempts.

16. Go with the flow of your youngster’s nature. Simplify schedules and routines, streamline possessions and furnishings. If your adolescent only likes plain T shirts without collars or buttons, buy plain T shirts. If your kid likes familiar foods, or has a favorite restaurant, indulge her.

17. Have realistic, modest goals for what the adolescent or the family can accomplish in a give time period. You may need to postpone some plans for career goals, trips, culture or recreation.

18. If both parents can largely agree about an adolescent’s diagnosis, treatment, and rules, it will save a lot of family wear and tear. To get your spouse on the same page, attend conferences or classes together. When you hear the same information, you can discuss it and decide what will work best for your adolescent and in your family. As you learn more about the disorder, you may also come to better appreciate each other’s contributions to your youngster’s welfare. Attend team meetings at the school together, or alternate which parent attends. Seeing your youngster’s therapist together (possibly without the youngster), or seeing a couples or family therapist, may help you weather a tough time together.

19. If you can afford it, you may prefer to pay private school tuition rather than paying a lawyer to negotiate with a financially strapped or resistant school system. However, a private school may not be the best choice. Some families move to a community with a better high school. If you have not talked to your adolescent about the disorder, you or someone else should do so—to the extent that the adolescent is ready to hear it. It’s tricky for adolescents—they so much want to be “normal” and strong and successful. A diagnosis can seem threatening or even totally unacceptable. In truth, however, the adults with Aspergers and HFA who do best are those who know themselves well—both their own strengths, which point them toward finding their niche in the world, and their own blind spots: where they need to learn new skills or seek out specific kinds of help.

20. If you have not yet made a will and set up a special needs trust, do it now. Ask the lawyer about powers of attorney or other documents you may need once your adolescent is no longer a minor. Few moms and dads assume guardianship of a young adult 18 or older, but it may be necessary and appropriate in some situations.

21. If your adolescent seems like a good candidate for college, take him or her to visit colleges during the spring vacation weeks of the junior year of high school, or during the summers before junior and senior year. Visits reveal a lot about what environment the adolescent will prefer. Purchase a large college guide to browse.

22. Impersonal, written communication is easier for the adolescent to absorb: lists of routines and rules, notes, charts, or calendars. E-mail may become a new option.

23. In adolescence, communication becomes complicated, as adolescents invent words, signs, and body language to discreetly talk with a friend. For a youngster on the autism spectrum who has been struggling just to understand common social cues, this change can be frustrating and incredibly difficult to understand. The best scenario is when language is "concrete and definite." Teenage conversations that use shortened terms or lingo are going to be very difficult for a youngster with Aspergers or HFA.

24. In so far as you can, keep your cool—they can’t handle our upset feelings. Walk away if you need to.

25. Instill the essential habit of a daily shower and clean clothes: peers, teachers, and future potential employers are very put off by poor hygiene. If possible, put your adolescent’s clothes on a well-organized shelf in the bathroom, near the clothes hamper.

26. Children still need structure, down time, soothing activities, and preparation for transitions.

27. Children with an autism spectrum disorder can be difficult to parent and to love even when they are young. Often, our children neither accept nor express love or other positive feelings in ways a non-autistic parent expects or finds most comfortable. Children’ behavior can be trying or embarrassing for us. Adding adolescence to the mix can make this dilemma even more painful.

28. Look for opportunities for a sheltered, successful overnight stay away from home with no parent. Examples: long weekend visits to relatives, a week or two of a carefully chosen sleep-away camp, taking a course on a college campus.

29. Look for volunteer activities or part time jobs at the high school or in the community. Be persistent in asking the school to provide help in the areas of career assessment, job readiness skills, and internships or volunteer opportunities. They probably have such services for intellectually challenged adolescents—but may not realize our children need that help, too. They may also not know how to adapt existing programs to meet our children’ needs.

30. Make sure thorough neuropsychological re-evaluations are performed every three years. This information and documentation may be critical in securing appropriate services, alternative school placements, a good transition plan; choosing an appropriate college or other post secondary program; proving eligibility for services and benefits as an adult.

31. Not all adolescents are ready for a residential college experience right after high school. To decide, use the evidence of how the adolescent did at sleep-away camp or similar samplings of independence, and look carefully at executive function skills (organizational skills). As an alternative, community colleges offer a lot of flexibility: easy admission, low cost, remedial courses if necessary, the option of a light course load, and the security of living at home. Some college disability offices are more successful than others at providing effective, individualized support. However, if the adolescent is living at home, you may be able more easily to sense trouble, step in with help, or secure supports your young adult needs to succeed.

32. Reading body language and understanding sweeping generalizations can also be quite frustrating. Therefore, adolescents on the spectrum benefit from systematic social training, where they are given the change to role play, study body cues and language, and practice interpreting new signals that may not have been evident in early childhood. I recommend speaking clearly, using a small amount of abstract terms, and directly communicating as much as possible.

33. Residential schools may be worth considering for some. The right fit can build tremendous confidence for the adolescent, give the moms and dads a break, and prepare everyone for the independence of the post high school years.

34. Schedule regular monthly educational team meetings to monitor your adolescent’s progress, to ensure that the IEP is being faithfully carried out, and to modify it if necessary. Because adolescents can be so volatile or fragile, and because so many important things must be accomplished in four short years of high school, these meetings are critical. If an adolescent is doing very well, the team can agree to skip a month—but be sure to reconvene to plan the transition to the following year.

35. Seek out activity-based, practical social skills groups designed especially for adolescents. Participating in such a group, being accepted by group leaders and peers, is probably the most powerful way to allay an adolescent’s potential despair at not fitting in socially and not having any friends. The positive social experiences and new skills they learn will be assets for the rest of their lives.

36. Side by side conversations (walking, in the car) may be more comfortable for the adolescent than talking face to face.

37. Make sure the IEP provides for social skill learning/social pragmatic language. A good overarching goal is: “Robert will learn the social skills appropriate to a 9th grader …10th grader … to the workplace …etc.”

38. Some adolescents adjust o.k. to middle/high school with appropriate supports and accommodations. Others, however, just cannot handle a large, impersonal high school. You may need to hire an advocate or lawyer to negotiate with your school system to pay for an alternative school placement, tuition, and transportation.

39. Special interests may change, but whatever the current one is, it remains an important font of motivation, pleasure, relaxation, and reassurance for the adolescent.

40. Teach laundry and other self-care/home care skills by small steps over time. Try to get the adolescent to take an elective such as cooking or personal finance at the high school.

41. Adolescents begin to see themselves as independent entities and often use this time in their life to forge new friendships and intimate relationships. For an adolescent with Aspergers or HFA, friendships can be a struggle. This youngster may not understand social cues, and may not know how to be someone's friend. They may feel the typical feelings of a first crush, but be uncertain on how to act on it. I recommend social therapy to help combat the frustration. Social training can help adolescents who are dealing with their disorder understand social cues, slang, and meet other kids who feel similarly about how to deal with new friends. In these social trainings, adolescents should be taught how to listen, and how listening and reacting appropriately can lead to stronger bonds. The parent should try to explicitly explain what the act of flirting is, by pointing it out on a TV show or movie.

42. Adolescents need to learn when to ask for help, from whom, and how. It’s very helpful to have someone such as a trusted guidance counselor whose door is always open, and who can coach the adolescent in problem solving.

43. Adolescents with Aspergers and HFA are less prepared than non-autistic adolescents for the new challenges of sexuality and romance. Some are oblivious; others want a girl or boy friend, but are clueless about how to form and maintain a relationship. Males especially may be at risk for accusations of harassment, and girls especially at risk for becoming victims. Teach appropriate rules, or see that another adult does. Look for supervised activities in which boys and girls can socialize safely together, supervised by a staff person who knows about autism spectrum disorders - and can coach appropriate social skills.

44. Tell your adolescent just what he needs to know, one message at a time, concisely.

45. The transition plan (part of the IEP) should address the skills that an adolescent needs to acquire while in high school, in order to be prepared for the kind of independent life he wants to lead after graduation. Many high schools are unfamiliar with transition planning, however—especially for college bound students. The more you know as a parent, the more you may be able to ensure that a solid transition plan is written and carried out.

46. What kind of living situation, employment, and transportation fit your adolescent’s picture of his/her future at age 18 or 25? Once the goals are set, where can the adolescent learn the necessary skills? Consider academic courses, electives, extracurricular activities, and additional services within and outside the high school (e.g. community college, adaptive driving school).

47. With or without autism, most adolescents become less willing to take a parent’s word or advice; so we need to hook them up with other trustworthy adults. If you want your adolescent to learn or try or do something, arrange for the suggestion or information to come from a trusted adult other than a parent (e.g., handpick your adolescent’s guidance counselor). Look for other good mentors: Uncle? Scout or youth group leader? Psychologist, social worker, peer mentor, “Big Brother,” social skills group leader? Weight room coach or martial arts teacher?

48. Yes, Aspergers and HFA adolescents do continue to grow and develop. You may get some nice surprises along the way, as you see the adolescent take an unexpected giant step toward maturity. I think of it as their neurons maturing on the vine! Maybe it’s just that they figure some things out, and get used to the feel of their new body chemistry.

49. You want input and ownership from the adolescent as far as is possible, but moms and dads can and should have input. You may need to have team meetings when the adolescent is absent, so you can speak frankly about your concerns, without fear that the adolescent may feel you lack respect for or faith in her/him.

50. Have plenty of patience – and take care of your mental health along the journey!

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

Checklist of Asperger Traits

Personal/Physical—

• Being "in their own world"
• Can engage in tasks (sometimes mundane ones) for hours and hours
• Can spend hours in the library researching
• Clumsiness
• Collects things
• Difficulty reading body language, facial expression and tone
• Doesn't always recognize faces right away (even close loved ones)
• Early in life they often have a speech impediment
• Eccentric personality
• Excellent rote memory
• Flat, or blank expression much of the time
• Highly gifted in one or more areas (e.g., math, music)
• Idiosyncratic attachment to inanimate objects
• Intense focus on one or two subjects
• Likes and dislikes can be very rigid
• Limited interests
• Loves learning and information
• May frequently repeat what you've just said
• May have difficulty staying in college despite a high level of intelligence
• Non-verbal communication problems
• Preoccupied with their own agenda
• Repetitive routines or rituals
• Sensitivity to the texture of foods
• Single-mindedness
• Speech and language peculiarities / hyperlexia
• Strong sensitivity to sound, touch, taste, sight, and smell (e.g., fabrics, fluorescent lights)
• Uncoordinated motor movements
• Unusual preoccupations
• Word repetition

Social Interactions—

• Can obsess about having friends to prove they’re “normal”
• Desire for friendships and social contact but difficulty acquiring and maintaining them
• Difficulty understanding others’ feelings
• Great difficulty with small-talk and chatter
• Has an urge to inform that can result in being blunt / insulting
• Lack of empathy at times
• Lack of interest in other people
• May avoid social gatherings
• Preoccupied with their own agenda
• Rigid social behavior due to an inability to spontaneously adapt to variations in social situations
• Shuts down in social situations
• Social withdrawal

In Romantic Relationships—

• Attention is narrowly focused on his own interests
• Can be very critical and takes it personally if she won’t wear something he likes, or wears something he dislikes
• Can become quite defensive when she asks for clarification or a little sympathy
• Can often be distant physically and/or emotionally
• Can stop putting any effort into the relationship after a time, and doesn’t understand why she then stops giving too
• Defensiveness can turn into verbal abuse (usually not physical abuse though) as the man attempts to control the communication to suit his view of the world
• Has a hard time saying “I love you”
• Has a hard time showing affection, and as a result, it is difficult to find out if they do love you
• May not call, and you might not see them for days (that doesn't mean they don't care though)
• May often feel “smothered” in the relationship
• Often attracted to another purely because she is attracted to him
• Often feel as if their partner is being ungrateful or “bitchy” when she complains he is uncaring or never listens to her
• Sometimes will make no motions to keep a relationship going (be it friendship or something more)
• Will do what he thinks is best for the both of them, but seldom talks to her about her feelings or opinions

Positive Traits—

1. Attention to detail – sometimes with painstaking perfection.

2. Focus and diligence – the ability to focus on tasks for a long period of time without needing supervision or incentive is legendary with Aspies.

3. Higher fluid intelligence – scientists in Japan have recently discovered that Aspergers children have a higher fluid intelligence than non-autistic children. Fluid intelligence is the ability to find meaning in confusion and solve new problems. It is the ability to draw inferences and understand the relationships of various concepts, independent of acquired knowledge. Experts say that those with Aspergers often have a higher than average general IQ as well.

4. Honesty – the value of being able to say “the emperor isn’t wearing any clothes.”

5. Independent, unique thinking – people with Aspergers tend to spend a lot of time alone and will likely have developed their own unique thoughts as opposed to a ‘herd’ mentality.

6. Internal motivation – as opposed to being motivated by praise, money, bills or acceptance. This ensures a job done with conscience, with personal pride.

7. Logic over emotion – although people with Aspergers are very emotional at times, they spend so much time ‘computing’ in our minds that they get quite good at it. They can be very logical in their approach to problem-solving.

8. Visual, three-dimensional thinking – some with Aspergers are very visual in their thought processes, which lends itself to countless useful and creative applications.

NOTE:  No two people with Aspergers are the same -- they all just share some traits.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

Aspergers Children and Sensory Issues

Children with Aspergers (high functioning autism) may have problems processing information from one or more of the following seven sensory systems:

1. auditory (hearing)

2. gustatory (taste)

3. olfactory (smell)

4. proprioception (movement)

5. tactile (touch)

6. vestibular (balance)

7. visual (sight)

These processes take place at an unconscious level, and they work together to help attention and learning. Each system has specific receptors that pick up information that is relayed to the brain. The sensory characteristics of children with Aspergers can be responsible for many of their negative behaviors and unpleasant emotions. Reactions to sensory stimuli for typically developing children often become stress responses for those with Aspergers.

Sensory System Impact on Children with Aspergers—

1. Auditory System – Hearing: While they have intact hearing abilities, kids with Aspergers may not efficiently or accurately interpret auditory information. They may be hyper- and/or hyposensitive to noise, responding negatively to loud or small noises and failing to respond when their name is called.

2. Gustatory and Olfactory Systems – Taste and Smell: Issues related to the taste system manifest themselves in avoiding certain foods, eating a very circumscribed diet, and/or being very picky about foods. Closely related to the sense of taste, the olfactory system in the nose is most often characterized by a hypersensitivity to many of the smells that others enjoy or fail to notice.

3. Proprioception System – Movement: The proprioceptive system makes carrying multiple objects (e.g., backpack, books, and musical instruments) down a packed hallway possible by providing information about the location and movement of a body part. For some, these movements do not come naturally. Problems in the proprioception system can result in poor posture, a lack of coordination, and chronic fatigue accompanying physical activity. Some children do not receive accurate information from their bodies about how hard or soft they are hitting or pushing something. This can result in their using too little or too much force when tagging a peer or kicking a ball.

4. Tactile System – Touch: The tactile system provides information about objects in the environment. Tactile defensiveness may involve physical discomfort when coming into contact with someone or something that others might not register. Standing in line, taking a bath, unexpected touch, touch that is either too light or too heavy, and using a glue stick present potentially stressful situations for tactilely defensive individuals. In contrast, children who are hyposensitive fail to respond to the touch of others, yet often use touch to explore the environment for the tactile input they crave.

5. Vestibular System – Balance: The vestibular system is stimulated by movement and changes in head position. Children with vestibular hypersensitivity have low tolerance for movement and exhibit difficulties with changing speed and direction. They may experience nausea from spinning and have difficulty sitting still; others may display gravitational insecurity. Some may seek out vestibular input by crashing into things or rocking, might be considered clumsy, or have difficulty “switching gears.”

6. Visual System – Sight: Compared to other sensory areas, the visual system appears to be a relative strength for children with Aspergers. The problems that do arise are often related to hypersensitivities to light, poor hand-eye coordination/depth perception, and hypo-sensitivities that make finding an object “in plain sight” very difficult. Some children may have perfect 20/20 vision yet have difficulties with visual tracking and convergence. These problems can be detected by an exam with a behavioral ophthalmologist or optometrist.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook