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Managing Aspergers Meltdowns: Tips for Parents

Sometimes, little emotions are not so little with Aspergers (high functioning autism) children. All of us struggle with emotions – and all of us "lose it" from time to time; however, it's helpful to understand why Aspergers kids may be susceptible to being “driven along” by emotions, rather than being “in charge” of their emotions.

Possible Causes of Meltdowns—

1. Long Term Stress— Combine long term stressors of sensory overload and social challenges, along with all the regular hassles that make up daily living, it's not surprising that Aspergers children may "lose it" over seemingly small situations. As a parent of this child, you may feel bewildered at the intensity of the meltdown.

2. Sensory Overload— Some children with Aspergers are affected by noise, others are affected by smells, textures or lights. It can be any number of things, but too many sensory inputs can lead to meltdowns or shutdowns. It can all happen when the senses get into a major traffic jam.

3. Social Challenges—I was once a tourist in Columbia. The streets did not have signs, and I didn't understand what people were saying. Needless to say, it was stressful. Yet this is what Aspergers kids may go through on a regular basis. Of course, each child is unique, so he may experience more or less of this social confusion, but the stress can take its toll over the course of the day. Too much stress – and the boiling point can be reached.

4. More Stress— If over time an Aspergers child feels that meltdowns are inevitable, random, and uncontrollable, she can feel somewhat stressed out! Imagine not knowing when you will lose it next, or what the consequences may be.

What Can Be Done? 

Here are a few suggestions. Some will work, some won’t. Just as the senses can be bombarded, now your child can use them to self-soothe:

1. Hearing— Have you Aspergers child listen to some beautiful and soothing music. Consider purchasing some meditation CD's. Consider buying CD's with sounds of nature. He may savor the sounds and let them calm him down.

2. Smell— Buy some potpourri or a scented candle and put it in your child’s room. She may enjoy the smells, savor them, and let them calm her down.

3. Taste— Notice what your child’s favorite foods are. Keep some of his favorite foods on hand in small portions. He may really savor the taste, and let it soothe his restlessness.

4. Touch—Massage your child’s shoulders, or go for a walk with him. Maybe he would enjoy lifting weights, martial arts, a warm bath or soft clothes. He may let the touch soothe him and take away his stress.

5. Vision— Buy a beautiful painting or flower. Design a beautiful space in one of the rooms in your house. Light a candle, and watch it quietly with your Aspergers child. Go out in the middle of the night and watch the stars. Be creative. You know best what sights your child will most enjoy. She might notice them, take them in slowly, and let their beauty calm her down.

Tell your child to think of his emotions as wild horses. Untamed, they can wreak havoc. But, once understood and worked with, they can be of great service and power to your Aspergers child.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns

Teaching Tips for Children with Aspergers

Here are the main teaching strategies to keep in mind if you have an Aspergers (High-Functioning Autism) student:



The Complete Guide to Teaching Students with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

Aspergers Children and Homework Problems

A major cause of agony for Aspergers (high functioning autistic) students, their parents and educators is the unsatisfactory completion of homework. These children often have an emotional reaction to the mere thought of having to start their homework – and have difficulty completing assigned tasks. There may be two explanations for this: (1) their degree of stress and mental exhaustion during their day at school, and (2) their cognitive profile.

School-Related Stress—

As with their classroom peers, a youngster with Aspergers has to learn the traditional educational curriculum, but they encounter additional learning experiences and sources of stress than do other kids in their class. They have an additional curriculum, namely the social curriculum. They have to use their intellectual reasoning to determine the social rules of the classroom and the playground. Other kids do not have to consciously learn social integration skills, but Aspergers kids have to decipher the social cues and codes and cognitively determine what to do and say in social situations.

Often their primary feedback is criticism for an error with little recognition from others when they make the correct response. Learning only from your mistakes is not the most efficient way to learn. Thus, Aspergers kids have to concentrate on an extra curriculum that leaves them intellectually and emotionally exhausted at the end of the school day.

They also have difficulty reading and responding to the emotional signals of the educator and other kids, coping with the complex socializing, noise and chaos of the playground, the unexpected changes in the school routine and the intense sensory experiences of a noisy classroom. Throughout the school day, they rarely have an opportunity to relax.

It is essential that teachers recognize the degree of stress experienced by Aspergers students, as the signs can become evident in their behavior and mood. The signs include the youngster who is described as a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in that the indicators of stress are not conspicuous at school, but the youngster is a very different character at home. They may be quiet and compliant in the classroom, but intolerant and aggressive immediately they return home.

Some Aspergers kids become extremely anxious in the morning before going to school, and school refusal or walking out of school can be a sign of unbearable stress. Other kids can express the signs at school by episodes of extreme anxiety or anger, with incidents of panic or disruptive and explosive behavior. Others suffer chronic stress, which contributes to a clinical depression.

Kids with Aspergers who are having difficulty learning the social curriculum and coping with the stress of school often explain that they want a clear division between home and school. Their general view is "school is for learning, and home is for fun or relaxation." Thus, the prospect of interrupting their much needed and deserved fun and relaxation with homework is more than they can cope with.

Cognitive Profile—

Kids with Aspergers have an unusual profile of cognitive skills that must be recognized and accommodated when they are undertaking academic work at school and home. One aspect of the profile is impaired executive function. The profile is similar to that of kids with ADD in that they can have difficulty planning, organizing and prioritizing, a tendency to be impulsive and inflexible when problem solving and poor working memory. Other features include a difficulty generating new ideas, a need for supervision and guidance and determining what is relevant and redundant as well as poor time perception and time management. There is also the likelihood of an unusual profile on standardized tests of intelligence, especially with regard to verbal and visual intelligence.

Some kids are ‘verbally-oriented’ and have a relative strength in reading, vocabulary and verbal concepts, while others are ‘visually-oriented’ and ‘a picture is worth a thousand words’. The youngster’s cognitive and learning profile is usually recognized by school authorities and special provision made for the youngster in terms of an assistant in the classroom to facilitate their academic progress. The educator knows how to adapt the curriculum for a youngster with Aspergers, but this knowledge and service are not usually available at home.

The following range of strategies are designed to minimize the impaired executive function, accommodate their profile of cognitive skills, and help Aspergers youngsters complete their homework assignments with less stress for the youngster and family.

Learning Environment—

1. A daily homework timetable can be made by a mother/father with guidance from the educator to define the expected duration and content of each homework activity or assignment. This can be extremely helpful if there are problems with the youngster’s allocation of time to each homework component. Sometimes the homework can take hours when the teacher intended only several minutes on a specified task.

2. A timer can be used to remind the youngster how much time is remaining to complete each section of homework. It is also important to ensure that time scheduled for homework does not coincide with the youngster’s favorite television program. If it does, they may have priority use of the video recorder and can watch the program after their homework.

3. If regular breaks are necessary to promote concentration, the work can be divided into segments to indicate how much work the youngster has to complete before they can take a momentary break. The usual mistake is to expect too much prolonged concentration.

4. The area where the youngster works must be conducive to concentration and learning. A useful model is the youngster’s classroom with appropriate seating, lighting and removal of any distractions. The distractions can be visual such as the presence of toys or television, which are a constant reminder of what the youngster would rather be doing or auditory distraction such as the noise from electrical appliances and the chatter of siblings. Ensure the working surface only has equipment relevant to the task. Their working environment must also be safe from curious siblings.

Preparation of Homework—

The educator can highlight key aspects of the homework sheet, written material and questions so that the youngster knows which aspects are relevant to their preparation of the assignment. They can ask the youngster to formulate their plan before commencing the assignment to ensure their work is coherent and logical, especially if the homework is an essay. If the assignment takes several days to complete, it is important that the educator regularly reviews the youngster’s rough drafts and progress, which also increases the likelihood that it will be completed on time.

Memory Problems—

1. If the Aspergers youngster has difficulty remembering exactly what was set for homework and remembering relevant information during homework, a characteristic of impaired executive function, a solution is to buy an executive toy. A small digital recorder used for dictation can provide a record of the educator’s spoken instructions and the youngster can add his or her own comments or personal memo to the recording to remind them of key information. The youngster and their mother/father will then know exactly what was said and what is relevant to the task.

2. Another strategy is to have the telephone number of another youngster in the class to ask them for the relevant information.

3. A homework diary and planner can help the youngster remember which books to take home and the specific homework for each evening. An executive diary from a stationary store may make this strategy more appealing to the youngster. The techniques are explained as being appropriate for adult executives rather than for kids with learning problems.

Supervision—

The youngster may have difficulty getting started or knowing what to do first. Procrastination can be an issue and a mother/father may have to supervise the start of the homework. Once the youngster has started, this is not the end of the supervision. A parent will also need to be available if the youngster requires assistance when they are confused and to ensure that they have chosen the appropriate strategy. There can be a tendency for such kids to have a closed mind to alternative strategies and a determination to pursue an approach when other kids would have recognized the signs that it would be wise to consider another approach. A technique to show that there is more than one line of thought is to provide the youngster with a list of alternative strategies to solve the particular problem. The youngster may need to know there is a plan ‘B’.

Moms and dads and educators soon become aware of the degree of supervision required which can be a major problem for a mother/father with other family commitments when the youngster is doing their homework. Supervision is also necessary to help the youngster priorities, plan, assist with word retrieval problems and maintain motivation. Motivation can be enhanced by specific rewards for concentration and effort

Emotional Management—

Kids with Aspergers are notorious for their difficulty coping with frustration and criticism, and their inability to manage their emotions. They can become quite agitated when confused or having made a mistake. A grown-up will need to be available to help the youngster remain calm and logical. The adult will also need to model calmness, which can be difficult when both youngster and adult are confused as to what to do. It can end in tears for both parties.

Cognitive Style—

1. One characteristic is a difficulty explaining their reasoning using speech. The youngster may provide the correct solution to a mathematical problem, but not be able to use words to explain how they achieved the answer. Their cognitive strategies may be unconventional and intuitive rather than deductive. One may need to accept their correct solution even if the logic is unclear to the neurotypical mind. One problem with this characteristic is that it may be difficult for the mother/father to correct the alternative reasoning when the youngster has a ‘mental block’.

2. If the mother/father is unable to help the youngster solve a particular problem, a solution is to come to an arrangement with the teacher where by he/she is contacted by telephone without hesitation as to the time of day or night and they can talk directly to the youngster. Regular use of this approach can lead to a significant reduction in the type and amount of homework.

3. Kids with Aspergers often enjoy having access to a computer and may be more able to understand material if it is presented on a computer screen. Material presented by a person adds a social and linguistic dimension to the situation, which can increase the youngster’s confusion. Educators should consider adapting the homework so that a considerable proportion of the work is conducted using a computer. Word processing facilities, especially graphics and grammar and spell check programs are invaluable in improving the legibility and quality of the finished product.

4. Kids with Aspergers require special consideration when learning new material. Homework should primarily be designed to consolidate and practice known information rather than introducing new concepts.

5. Special consideration should be given to the youngster’s cognitive strengths and weaknesses. If the youngster’s relative strength is in visual reasoning, then flow diagrams, mind maps and demonstrations will enhance their understanding. If their strength is in verbal skills then written instructions and discussion using metaphors (especially metaphors associated with their special interest) will help. Additional strategies include the use of a computer and keyboard, especially for those kids who have problems with handwriting. Sometimes a mother/father acts as an ‘executive’ secretary and types the material for the youngster and proof reads their answers. Homework may be a collaborative rather than solitary activity. The parent is not being over protective or neurotic, they just know that without their involvement, the work would not be done.

6. Teaching a youngster with Aspergers requires special skills and a mother/father is not expected to have those skills. As a parent, one is also more emotionally involved than a class teacher and it can be difficult for them to be objective and emotionally detached. One option is to hire a homework tutor to provide the skilled guidance and supervision. However, this may be beyond the financial resources of most families.

Completing Homework at School—

If homework is associated with a lot of stress and agony, there are a few things that can be done to (a) reduce the despair of the youngster who is exhausted from his day at school, (b) the mother/father who tries to motivate their youngster, and (c) the educator who recognizes that homework is not the most effective means of education for such a child. If the regular amount of homework is demanded of the youngster, then everyone must recognize the considerable degree of time and commitment that is necessary from all parties to ensure it is completed satisfactorily and on time.

One option is to enable the Aspergers youngster to complete his ‘homework’ at school. It can be undertaken at lunchtime and before or after classes in their home class or the school library. However, they would still require supervision and guidance from a teacher or assistant. In high school, some kids have been able to graduate taking fewer subjects and the extra time available in the school day dedicated to homework.

Being Exempted from Doing Homework—

If all these techniques are unsuccessful, here is a last ditch effort: Allow the Aspergers student to be exempted from doing homework – yes, you heard correctly – exempted! If the strategies outlined above are unsuccessful or unable to be implemented, then forget about homework. Sometimes this advice is to the great relief of the youngster, his mother and father, and the educator.




COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said… We struggled for so long with this every night it was taking 2 hours to do, most of that was us telling him what to write. We eventually asked his teacher what kind of credit he was getting out of the two hours of work he was struggling to do, she simply said none. I asked my son one day what does she do with your homework when you turn it in? He said nothing she throws it in the trash. Well I told him to stop doing it. So of course he went back to school and when he didn't have his homework done she asked where is it. My son simply said Mom and Dad said I don't have to do it anymore. This was before we had a diagnosis and after a year of right ups and ISS, you name it.
•    Anonymous said… We also have struggled with this for many years our son is now 14 we gave up I would rather have quality time than yelling n tantrums every day especially as we have 3 kids in total homework I believe is not the be all and end all of schooling... With very high anxiety it is not worth the battle.. Hope u find a happy medium.
•    Anonymous said… Homework is a toughie. It's hard after school because our kids need space to recover from the day. I talk to the teachers about giving my son the absolute minimum. Then I use a visual board that sits next to his homework spot and I give him rewards for completing each task. I try to step back and not take on responsibility for it. It is his homework and my goal is to provide the structure and communicate with the teacher if he is to wrecked to do it. I hope this helps but it is hard.

Post your comment below… 

Aspergers Traits That Come In Handy On The Job

The following are traits that Aspergers (high functioning autism) individuals tend to have that are also a plus for many careers:

1. Has poor verbal skills: No problem! There are a ton of jobs were talking is not a requirement (e.g., Copy shop making photocopies, Data entry, Factory assembly work, Cleaning and cooking jobs, Janitor jobs, Lawn and garden work, Plant care, Recycling plant and sorting jobs, Re-shelving library books, Restocking shelves, working in a warehouse loading trucks and stacking boxes, etc.).

2. Is detail-focused: Software testing is the perfect fit for Aspies. They're very focused on detail, able to do highly repetitive work, and able to spot imperfections.

3. Likes to categorize: Some Aspies like to categorize, so a job as a librarian might be good.

4. Is more interested in things than people: This trait may not get you invited to the prom, but it's a wonderful attribute if you're a forest ranger, a self-employed writer or artist, a caretaker at an estate, a gardener or horticulturalist, or even a paleontologist (dinosaur scientist). After all, lack of interest in other individuals is not indicative of lack of interest in or ability to manage things, animals, or systems. And it's not easy to find a qualified person who's willing to spend extended periods of time on their own.

5. Prefers the company of animals rather than people: It's not easy to become a veterinarian, but consider some of the many animal-oriented careers available (e.g., caring for horses at a stable, horse-farm or track; working on a farm; zookeeper or animal curator at a zoo or petting farm; animal wrangler for the entertainment industry; naturalist or husbandry expert at a museum or aquarium; pet store employee; animal tech at a veterinary practice or kennel).

6. Is rule-oriented: In a typical workplace, most individuals bend and break the rules. This is very tough for many Aspies, who need and respond to structure. But there are plenty of work places in which rules are absolute -- for everyone. Of course, the most obvious choice for rule-oriented individuals is the military. But even in hospitals and labs, rule-following is not only important -- it's critical.

7. Is single-minded: If you've ever worked at museum, lab or university, you'll find worlds full of single-minded, passionate individuals. To an academic, their area of interest, no matter how small, is desperately interesting. The same is true of museum professionals and archaeologists, who spend their lives studying individual artifacts, bones or textiles.

8. Tends to be good at math, music or facts: For Aspies with these skills, the possibilities are almost endless (e.g., Accounting, Bank teller, Clerk and filing jobs, Computer programming, Copy editor, Engineering, Inventory control, Journalist, Laboratory technician, Library science, Physicist or mathematician, Statistician, Tuning pianos and other musical instruments, and on and on).

9. Tends to see the parts instead of the whole: It's a problem in some settings, but a terrific attribute if you're looking for deep space anomalies (as an astronomer), unique cells (as a lab technician), differences among species (as a biological researcher), particular qualities of objects (as a gemologist, antiques appraiser, or art historian).

10. Is a visual thinker: Some Aspies can, with virtually no effort, envision a 2-dimensional photograph as a 3-dimensional object. With appropriate training, such individuals are ideal candidates for jobs in areas like computer aided design, architectural model construction, industrial design, exhibit prototyping, and much more. The key is finding and supporting the training that can lead to such careers.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

Helping Your Aspergers Child Develop High Self-Esteem

Kids with Aspergers (high functioning autism) have a much harder time with their self-esteem. They often perceive the constant correction of their behaviors and their social interactions as criticism. The frequent visits to doctors, or speech therapists, or OTs, the testing and the stream of interventions that we try with them can easily leave them feeling like they're under the microscope, a specimen that warrants investigation, a child who needs fixing.

Communication problems also have a direct impact on an Aspie's self-esteem. Understanding subtle jokes and participating in human interplay (actions natural to his non-Aspergers friends) further increase feelings of “not fitting in” and erode self-esteem.

Combine all this with the expectations of siblings and the all-too-frequent bullying interactions from many peers, and it's easy to understand how devastated an Aspergers kid can feel.

By definition, self-esteem is the way in which a child perceives herself – her own thoughts and feelings about herself and her ability to achieve in ways that are important to her. This self-esteem is shaped not only by a kid's own perceptions and expectations, but also by the perceptions and expectations of significant people in her life – how she is thought of and treated by parents, teachers and peers. The closer her perceived self (i.e., how she sees herself) comes to her ideal self (i.e., how she would like to be), the higher her self-esteem.

Here is how we can help our Aspergers children to develop a healthy sense of self-esteem:

1. Accepting mistakes and failure— Your youngster needs to feel comfortable, not defeated, when she makes mistakes or fails. Explain that these hurdles or setbacks are a normal part of living and learning, and that she can learn or benefit from them. Let your supportive, constructive feedback and your recognition of her effort overpower any sense of failure, guilt, or shame she might be feeling, giving her renewed motivation and hope. Again, make your feedback specific ("If you throw the ball like this, it might help") and not negative and personal ("You are so clumsy," "You'll never make it").

2. Belonging— Your child needs to feel accepted and loved by others, beginning with the family and then extending to groups such as friends, schoolmates, sports teams, a church or temple and even a neighborhood or community. Without this acceptance or group identity, she may feel rejected, lonely, and adrift without a "home," "family" or "group."

3. Contribution— Your youngster will develop a sense of importance and commitment if you give her opportunities to participate and contribute in a meaningful way to an activity. Let her know that she really counts.

4. Encouragement, support and reward— Not only does your youngster need to achieve, but she also needs positive feedback and recognition - a real message that she is doing well, pleasing others and "making it." Encourage and praise her, not only for achieving a set goal but also for her efforts, and for even small increments of change and improvement. ("I like the way you waited for your turn," "Good try; you're working harder," "Good girl!") Give her feedback as soon as possible to reinforce her self-esteem and to help her connect your comments to the activity involved.

5. Family self-esteem— Your youngster's self-esteem initially develops within the family and thus is influenced greatly by the feelings and perceptions that a family has of itself. Some of the preceding comments apply to the family in building its self-esteem. Also, bear in mind that family pride is essential to self-esteem and can be nourished and maintained in many ways, including participation or involvement in community activities, tracing a family's heritage and ancestors, or caring for extended family members. Families fare better when members focus on each other's strengths, avoid excessive criticism and stick up for one another outside the family setting. Family members believe in and trust each other, respect their individual differences and show their affection for each other. They make time for being together, whether to share holidays, special events or just to have fun.

6. Making real choices and decisions— Your youngster will feel empowered and in control of events when she is able to make or influence decisions that she considers important. These choices and decisions need to be appropriate for her age and abilities, and for the family's values.

7. Personal competence and pride— Your youngster should feel confident in her ability to meet the challenges in her life. This sense of personal power evolves from having successful life experiences in solving problems independently, being creative and getting results for her efforts. Setting appropriate expectations, not too low and not too high, is critical to developing competence and confidence. If you are overprotecting her, and if she is too dependent on you, or if expectations are so high she never succeeds, she may feel powerless and incapable of controlling the circumstances in her life.

8. Purpose— Your youngster should have goals that give her purpose and direction and an avenue for channeling her energy toward achievement and self-expression. If she lacks a sense of purpose, she may feel bored, aimless, and even resentful at being pushed in certain directions by you or others.

9. Responsibility— Give your youngster a chance to show what she is capable of doing. Allow her to take on tasks without being checked on all the time. This shows trust on your part, a sort of "letting go" with a sense of faith.

10. Security— Your youngster must feel secure about herself and her future. ("What will become of me?")

11. Self-discipline and self-control— As your youngster is striving to achieve and gain more independence, she needs and wants to feel that she can make it on her own. Once you give her expectations, guidelines, and opportunities in which to test herself, she can reflect, reason, problem-solve and consider the consequences of the actions she may choose. This kind of self-awareness is critical for her future growth.

12. Trust— Your youngster needs to feel trust in you and in herself. Toward this goal, you should keep promises, be supportive and give your youngster opportunities to be trustworthy. This means believing your youngster, and treating her as an honest person.

Building self-esteem starts with the parents examining their own ideas of how they view children with Aspergers. We, as parents, must believe in our children’s value ourselves before we can ever change their minds. These children know when we're faking our compliments or arbitrarily handing out encouragement.

Building self-esteem involves empathy and walking in their shoes rather than sympathy – no one wants to be felt sorry for. Unfortunately, it is very common for parents to feel sorry for their Aspergers child, and as a result, adopt an "over-protective" parenting style. However, this type of parenting hinders the child's ability to develop "self-reliance" which, in turn, promotes poor self-esteem.

Each Aspergers youngster is a gift, with his own special qualities. We just need to look for these special gifts, tune into the youngster with our hearts, and bring his essence out.

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book


==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

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