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ASD and Social Anxiety

It is estimated that up to 80% of ASD level 1 (high functioning autistic) kids also experience intense anxiety symptoms. Anxiety Disorders (e.g., Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Social Anxiety, Generalized Anxiety Disorder) commonly co-occur with ASD. When anxiety symptoms are untreated, they can further interfere with a youngster’s quality of life. 
 
Kids with both autism and Anxiety Disorders experience a more limited social world than kids with only one disorder. They may have difficulty (a) adapting at home and in school, (b) making friends and joining in social activities, and (c) breaking their usual rituals to try something new.

Although little is known about what anxiety symptoms look like in autistic kids, the following symptoms, which overlap with Anxiety Disorders, indicate anxiety:

• Withdrawal from social situations
• Somatic complaints
• Irritability
• Avoidance of new situations

Another set of anxiety symptoms may be seen and may be unique to ASD kids:

• Becoming "silly"
• Becoming explosive easily (e.g., anger outbursts)
• Increased insistence on routines and sameness
• Increased preference for rules and rigidity
• Increased repetitive behavior
• Increased special interest

Social anxiety is a condition in which the child has an excessive and unreasonable fear of social situations. Anxiety (intense nervousness) and self-consciousness arise from a fear of being closely watched, judged, and criticized by others. The fear may be made worse by a lack of social skills.

ASD children with social anxiety may be afraid of a specific situation. However, most kids with social anxiety fear more than one social situation. Other situations that commonly provoke anxiety include:

• Answering questions
• Asking questions
• Attending family get-togethers (e.g., Christmas)
• Attending parties
• Being called on in class
• Being teased or criticized
• Being the center of attention
• Being watched while doing something
• Dating
• Eating or drinking in front of others
• Giving reports in groups
• Going to school
• Interacting with people
• Making phone calls
• Making small talk
• Meeting new people
• Performing on stage
• Public speaking
• Taking exams
• Talking on the telephone
• Talking with “important” people or authority figures
• Using public bathrooms
• Writing or working in front of others

Psychological symptoms of social anxiety include:
  • Avoidance of social situations to a degree that limits activities or disrupts life
  • Clinging to the parent
  • Crying
  • Excessive self-consciousness and anxiety in everyday social situations
  • Extreme fear of being watched or judged by others, especially people you don’t know
  • Fear that others will notice that you’re nervous
  • Fear that you’ll act in ways that that will be embarrassing or humiliating
  • Having a meltdowns
  • Intense worry for days, weeks, or even months before an upcoming social situation
  • Refusing to go to school
  • Throwing a tantrum

Physical symptoms of social anxiety include:

• Blushing
• Clammy hands
• Confusion
• Diarrhea
• Dizziness, feeling faint
• Dry mouth
• Muscle tension
• Pounding heart or tight chest
• Rapid breathing
• Shaking
• Trembling voice
• Sweating or hot flashes
• Twitching
• Upset stomach, nausea

Treatment—

Cognitive behavioral therapy, a time-limited approach designed to change thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, has been shown to be successful in treating social anxiety in these children. Cognitive-behavioral therapy for social anxiety typically involves:
  • Challenging negative, unhelpful thoughts that trigger and fuel social anxiety, replacing them with more balanced views.
  • Facing the social situations you fear in a gradual, systematic way, rather than avoiding them.
  • Learning how to control the physical symptoms of anxiety through relaxation techniques and breathing exercises.

Modifications designed to address the cognitive, social, and emotional difficulties include:

1. "Individualizing" anxiety symptoms—Kids should be helped by the therapist to identify what their own anxiety symptoms look like as anxiety symptoms may present differently.

2. Behavioral management—Addition of a reward and consequence system maintains structure and prevents anger outbursts.

3. Combining visual and verbal materials—Use of worksheets, written schedules of therapy activities, and drawings can be added to increase structure in therapy sessions.

4. Games and fun physical activities are important to include in group therapy to promote social interactions.

5. Greater parent involvement—To build on the attachment between parent and child, it is important to have moms and dads learn the techniques and coach kids to use them at home.

6. More education on emotions—Activities such as feeling dictionaries (i.e., a list of different words for anxiety) and emotional charades (i.e., guessing people's emotions depending on faces) are helpful in developing emotional self-awareness.

Three types of medication are also used in the treatment of social anxiety:

• Antidepressants – Antidepressants can be helpful when social anxiety disorder is severe and debilitating. Three specific antidepressants—Paxil, Effexor, and Zoloft—have been approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration for the treatment of social phobia.

• Benzodiazepines – Benzodiazepines are fast-acting anti-anxiety medications. However, they are sedating and addictive, so they are typically prescribed only when other medications for social phobia have not worked.

• Beta blockers – Beta blockers are used for relieving performance anxiety. They work by blocking the flow of adrenaline that occurs when you’re anxious. While beta blockers don’t affect the emotional symptoms of anxiety, they can control physical symptoms such as shaking hands or voice, sweating, and rapid heartbeat.

Practicing breathing exercises can help the child decrease the physical symptoms of anxiety and stay calm. Parents and teachers can coach the child on the following techniques:
  • Sit comfortably with the back straight and the shoulders relaxed. Put one hand on the chest and the other on the stomach.
  • Inhale slowly and deeply through the nose for 4 seconds. The hand on the stomach should rise, while the hand on the chest should move very little.
  • Hold the breath for 2 seconds.
  • Exhale slowly through the mouth for 6 seconds, pushing out as much air as possible. The hand on the stomach should move in when exhaling, but the other hand should move very little.
  • Continue to breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth. Focus on keeping a slow and steady breathing pattern of 4-in, 2-hold, and 6-out.

Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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Resources for Neurodiverse Couples:

==> Online Group Therapy for Men with ASD

==> Online Group Therapy for NT Wives

==> Living with ASD: eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples 

==> One-on-One Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by ASD

==> Online Group Therapy for Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder

 ==> Cassandra Syndrome Recovery for NT Wives

==> ASD Men's MasterClass: Social-Skills Training and Emotional-Literacy Development

==> Pressed for time? Watch these "less-than-one-minute" videos for on the go.

 

 

15 comments:


Anonymous said...

I have no idea what to do in social situations, so they make me nervous. People would try to force me to interact. I tell them I don't know what to do. They don't believe me and push me on. I make a mistake, they laugh and I'm afraid to try it again. Or, I try, make a mistake and someone yells at me,”You just don't say that!" I ask why not. They think I'm being sarcastic, refuse to answer and alienate me more. Eventually, they just give up on me which leads to further isolation. The only way I can avoid what they do, and the tension it causes, is to avoid them. They ask me why I avoid them. I tell them it’s because they yell at me. They tell me,”Well, if you would just say the right thing." I tell them I don't know what that is. They still don't believe me and think I'm making up lame excuses. Most people I know can't handle my AS traits. It frustrates them too much. That pushes even more of them away.


Anonymous said...

I was shy as a child and also what I call "socially tone deaf," which made me awkward in many of my interactions with other kids, but even at that early age I would say I didn't have social anxiety as much as I had social indifference...I was simply happier spending time alone than with others. That is still true today, even though years of life experience have greatly improved my social skills. I am animated, outgoing and sociable at work and with a few friends whose homes I visit, but I only go to actual social "events" two or three times a year, not because I am anxious but because I just can't be bothered and very much prefer quiet evenings alone at home. When I do go out, I am OK for 2 or 3 hours, but then I begin to feel bored or crowded and am ready to leave. I do think I am happiest and healthiest living alone...it's easier to be around people all day if I have my solitude to look forward to.


Anonymous said...

That is interesting and good to read... I have put off saying I think I'm Aspie like because there are times I can appear 'out-going' - but usually it is when I am talking about an interest of mine in a situation where I am sharing with people who I trust to accept me. I have had people tell me that it's like a switch turns on and I light up and it's amazing to watch. If I think about that at the moment, I get self-conscious and stammer... so I try not to think about it. Like you I can usually do something socially demanding for about 3 hours before I start to shut down and need to go rest. Holiday parties with family and all the kids and chatty conversation can be the most exhausting thing for me... I end up finding some place quiet to hang out before I can rejoin. I don't live alone, but I stay at home while the kids go to school, which gives me my peace. During the summer though, I get grumpier and grumpier until Mommy needs a time out. Thank God for DVD's!


Anonymous said...

That sounds just like me! I love to talk and can actually be the "life of the party," especially when talking about a subject I love and know well. What I find so tiring about socializing is sitting through 2 or 3 hours, in which I may spend only 5 or 10 minutes talking this way and the rest of the time sitting around, waiting a polite length of time to go home, longing to be online...


Anonymous said...

For me during social anxiety it felt like I knew what to say but when that was treated I still didn't know what to say. I do ok with one person but in a group situation I have nothing to say. I don't have anxiety anymore because when I realize I'm not saying anything I just look for something else to occupy my mind with. I do repetitive things like try to straighten objects on a table. It still sounds like anxiety but I don't get those racing thoughts in my head, so in a way it's better. If you want to get treated for social anxiety you can't do it on your own. See a therapist/ psychologist and if you need it take medication. Also, look for books or ways to treat social anxiety online. My way works for me, but may not work for everybody.


Anonymous said...

I have both. I thought social anxiety/phobia was my single issue for most of my life up until recently. It is probably more prominent than my autism. My diagnosticians said that my social anxiety likely primarily arose due the hindrance in my ability to understand people and social norms, but also because of sensory issues. Early on, my psychologists/iatrists tried social situation exposure in an effort to get over it. This was while on SSRIs. That's the classical method, but it never really worked with me. It probably would be more successful on someone who doesn't also have autism.


Anonymous said...

My solution has been finding the right medication: Lexapro. This has helped me a lot, but I still have difficulties.


Anonymous said...

I used to be quite extraverted, but I turned very introverted after years of embarrassing mistakes and failings. And now my social anxiety is pretty bad, and if you took that away I'd probably do well socially.


Anonymous said...

I was placed on antidepressants after a lifetime of dysthymia and bouts of clinical depression. They relieved my social anxiety to some degree, which I was not expecting. I still avoid social situations but I am merely shy now rather than paralyzed. Now I am more likely to blurt something out or ramble on about my particular area of interest. I think my social anxiety masked my possible Aspie traits. (self dx'd).


Anonymous said...

I only have one of the two. Social anxiety disorder. I'm glad I can actually relate to some people since joining this website as an NT xD. I know how to respond in any situation on the spot, I don't even have to think about it. The anxiety symptoms can make it difficult sometimes, but I seem to be getting over some of them now.


Anonymous said...

That is very much my child. At this point, she is taking medication to help her at bedtime.

That article is very helpful.
Thanks.


Anonymous said...

Not sure if my 25 year old has Asperger's. He goes to college for Physical Therapy, but not sure what he wants to be. Doesn't have a job, but had one up till about a year ago. Doesn't want to look for one. Has social anxiety. Doesn't like me, his mom. Doesn't like to be told what to do.


Anonymous said...

Hi Mark,

My 15 year old son has a phobia about going into shops and buying even an ice cream for himself. I think this has developed because we haven’t taken him out enough or ever made him buy anything by himself. I have sat down and talked to him about why it is so important because when he has his own home he will have to do his own shopping.(he seemed to agree with this)
I have explained to him that we will be going shopping together about 2 times a week and 2 times a week he has to go into a shop and pay for his own ice-cream. What happens if he refuses to go into the shop because he is so anxious, do I need to say if he refuses that he will have a consequence and loose his iPod until he carries through with my request. How should I handle this phobia.

We have been following your programme for 1 week now and I have notice a huge improvement in his behaviour and our relationship. Thanks so much.

Mark said...

Re: What happens if he refuses to go into the shop because he is so anxious, do I need to say if he refuses that he will have a consequence and loose his iPod until he carries through with my request. How should I handle this phobia.


This is a wonderful task that you are giving him!!!

I would go in small steps... perhaps something like:

1st time- You go in the shop with him and pay
2nd time- You go in the shop with him - he pays
3rd time- You go in the shop with him - he pays - you stand at the door (as far away as possible) and watch
4th time- Same as 3rd, but you stand right outside the door (out of view, but when he comes out, you are right there)

Also, rehearse all of this at home before attempting (role play ...you are the cashier).

I would caution against punishing him for not following through as this will just raise the anxiety level.


Anonymous said...

One time I was invited to a birthday party. I was so anxious the week before that, kept thinking bout it and how I didn't have a present yet, if I had the time right and other stuff like that.
Then, a day before the party I was doing some stupid stuff with my friend, to keep my mind off of it. Long story short, I got injured, enough that they called in a helicopter. Only two things were going through my mind at that point, one was the pain and the other one was relief at not having to attend that birthday party the next day.

By

Home-Schooling Your Aspergers Child

Question

From a mother who home-schools:

"My son has Aspergers and is highly intelligent but very easily distracted and not motivated for doing schoolwork most of the time, esp math which he used to love. Sometimes it takes hours to do 1 page of 1st grade math, because he is not interested and I have to literally sit there and remind him every second what he was doing! It makes me crazy! He hates writing, but he can do it motor skill wise.

Is there a way to make this less painful, do you know any techniques I can use or a curriculum that would be better suited for him? I don't think computer ones are appropriate right now as he is just learning to write and reads at a beginner’s level (as he should be in 1st grade,). I have thought about Mozart to help.

He takes probiotics daily and that helps a lot and avoid red food dye, otherwise he is HYPER. We avoid MSG too which very negatively affects all my children's brain functions at school time.

Also, he is very whiny and cries all the time, and I read an article about that being very common, but it's still driving me crazy even when I use those techniques- at least I think I used them- maybe I didn't understand? They weren't giving a lot of examples. Help!"


Answer

Consider trying Math Drill apps for an iPhone. Some cost money and some are free. The ones that cost money are usually less than $3.00. Examples include:

• Cute Math
• Flash Cards
• Math Cards
• Math Drill Lite and Math Drill
• Math Magic
• Mental Maths
• Mighty Math Lite
• Number Rumble
• Pop Math Lite

As a home-schooler, there are other considerations that should be factored in as well:

1. A daily routine is critical. 

2. Bear in mind that positive reinforcement works well for Aspergers (high functioning autistic) students. 

3. Do not allow the Aspergers student to keep asking questions or discussing an obsessive topic endlessly. 

4. Ensure the environment is safe and as predictable as possible. 

5. Ensure the student understands what is being said to him/her. It is common for a child to simply repeat what is being taught without understanding the concept. 

6. Incorporate visual rewards for the Aspergers student. Working toward a goal is a great motivator, and any area in need of attention can be addressed, including time-on-task, sharing, following directions, behavior charts, and academic objective and goals. 

7. Keep special activities or changes to the schedule at a minimal. 

8. Keep transitions the same for as many activities as possible. 

9. Know that Aspergers students are highly sensitive to their environments and rituals. When these are thrown off, they can become very anxious and they worry obsessively about changes in routine.

10. Limit obsessive behavior about topics by setting a specific time in which the Aspergers student can ask the focused questions. 

11. Realize that many Aspergers students do not understand some of the common social interactions and social contacts. 

12. Recognize that the Aspergers student may not understand some jokes and may be unable to interpret body language.

13. Remember that Aspergers students are overwhelmed by even the smallest of changes. 

14. Simplified lessons may be required. 

15. Since concentration is often a problem, develop a system of nonverbally reminding the Aspergers student to pay attention (e.g., a pat on the shoulder). 

16. Spend time preparing Aspergers children for any special activities (e.g., create a schedule using pictures that includes a "special activity" segment). 

17. Teach the Aspergers student about social cues and help them to make friends. 

18. Use a variety of behavioral  strategies, including: assigned duties, clear expectations, consistent consequences for behaviors, cooperative learning, modeling behavior, organization, routine, and visual schedules. 

19. When Aspergers students accomplish a desired behavior, compliment and praise them – even simple social interactions should be praised. 

20. Teach social skills - be patient.

21. Chunk information presented. The child won't retain a lot of information at once.

22. You may have to limit their 'special interest' time as they can become quite self absorbed with it.

23. Instructional strategies should focus on teaching concretely.

24. Complex tasks should be broken down.

25. Find an area of interest for the Aspergers student (e.g., trains), and then incorporate this area of interest into the subject matter of little interest (e.g., math). In this example, you can have the Aspergers child learn subtraction (using pictures): “If you had 12 trains at the station and 6 of them departed, how many trains would still be at the station?”

The Complete Guide to Teaching Students with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism
By

Aspergers Adults and Love

Some individuals with Aspergers (high functioning autism) will choose to stay single …others will marry … some will have kids …some will have happy marriages and families …and some will not. An important factor in determining their chances of happiness is “awareness” – awareness that there are two different languages of two different worlds being spoken in the home.

Anger, resentment, depression, grief, rejection, confusion ...all are experienced by both partners – unless they (a) come to the realization that each is speaking a different language AND (b) learn how to translate for each other.

Empathy and emotional intimacy are often lacking in a relationship with an Aspergers partner. This doesn't mean that love is lacking, though. People with Aspergers “love” just like anyone else, but they do not understand the need for expressing love, and they don't know when and how “expressions of love” should occur (unless their non-Aspergers partner is willing to teach them).

Teaching the “in-and-outs” of intimacy can be very helpful to an Aspie, and the “instruction” needs to be concise and concrete (no hinting or hoping he will just "pick up on it"). Aspies don't pick up on innuendos any more than color-blind people can see when a stop light turns to red.

Both partners may be in for far more than they had bargained for and certainly have had no real assistance from experts until just recently, as research has come to light.

A diagnosis of Aspergers may seem like “bad news” initially. But for the Aspie who has spent his life bumping up against misunderstandings, anger and rejection for reasons he couldn't begin to understand, such a diagnosis can bring a sense of liberation.

And for their non-Aspergers partner, there is finally a sense of comfort and a knowing that she is sane after all. There was something different at play all through their relationship, and it had nothing to do with lack of love, selfishness, insensitivity, etc. Rather it had to do with a neurological disorder; a very real disconnect right in the middle of the relationship.

Now, thanks to the research and media attention, partners affected by Aspergers have a chance to bring new methods of communication and understanding to the relationship.

==>  Living with an Aspergers Partner: Relationship Skills for Couples Affected by Aspergers


 Comments:

•    Anonymous said...  I am an Aspie. I will be getting married to my Tenant and Roommate.
•    Anonymous said...  I am married to a man with aspergers. We have been married for 45 years. He was only diagnosed 3 years ago. When we met most couples did not live together before marriage. If we had I do not think I would have married hemi also have 2 adult children with it. One has out going/assertive a/s [like her dad] with severe mental health problems. The other one has passive a/s. [like her paternal uncle and cousin.]SO YES A/S PEOPLE DO MARRY. Once you have a diagnosis things get a little easier. P.S. Most of my families have good careers they all have some connection to their obsessive hobby.
•    Anonymous said... I just have to tell you that this post really made me smile. It sounds like you are married to my husband! I can't tell you what a difference it has made to me to discover there are other women out there who are in the same situation... We may not be able to talk about it with our husbands or be able to talk to friends who wouldn't understand, but I'M glad you didn't "just shut up" thanks!
•    Anonymous said... I too have noticed that there doesn't seem to be much on the web yet on this subject. I can only guess that it's because the research is all relatively new, really just a few decades. And most of it so far has been about AS children. Hopefully in time the research into other aspects of life with AS will increase and be easier to find. Meantime, I'm glad to do my bit.
•    Anonymous said... My a/s husband just carries on in his own sweet aspergers way. He will not discuss it or read up on it. He is so stubborn. I think if he read up on it, he thinks he will lose face by admitting he has it. And of course they do not like change, and to make a move to change his behavior will mean change. Why should he change? He has the life he wants, it may make me happier, but that may mean I am more affectionate to him. And he can’t stand that. I think we have to change, not them.
•    Anonymous said... My husband has AS and he's high functioning. We've been married since June 2007, and our son will be 7 months this weekend. My hubby is a wonderful father and husband. He's quite mature.
•    Anonymous said... To the last comment- This sounds exactly like my life- My partner and i have only been together for aprox 3 years- we are both young and we have a 4month old son together. I was completely unaware of the fact that he had aspergers- i just thought when he would act out of normal character that he was selfish or just being a typical male, I know he loves me, and he loves his son. His father also has Aspergers and his sister has a Autism Spectrum disorder (so it runs in the family) When discovering the reality of Aspergers i tried to reach out to his mother- being married to a man with aspergers for 25 years>she did not want a bar of it. She told me they never talk about it and theres nothing to talk about. Which was devastating to me. Im hoping to seek counselling with my partner as we have fought hundreds of times and broken up nearly every two weeks-I went into a bout of depression during my pregnancy due to all our miss-haps and figure theres no way else i could cope without help from people who know about aspergers. My family and friends have no idea and simply cannot understand what it is like. I should know and trust that he does love me-but because he doesnt see WHY he should show me affection- i feel as if he doesnt. Along with this the chance is probably 50/50 that my son will develop some sort of mental illness as my family have a histor of depression & anxiety disorders from which i too suffer from (i have only been diagnosed recently). Any way its a little weight off my shoulders reading about other people and their experiences and how similar they are to mine!
•    Anonymous said... Yes aspergers men can seem very young for their age, but my a/s husband was also great fun. To him life is fun. Also hate to spoil your therapy but he was very handsome also. So funny and handsome. How could I resist. The aspergers people in our family [many] are all good looking/clever/hard working and love the other sex [or own] so now you know a/s do have relationships, some are good looking and if they are immature, that adds to the fun.
•    Anonymous said...I've been in a relationship with my partner for nearly 7 years now its only in the last few years that I have been told that he has had aspergers from a young age and obviously as I no and only a few that it doesn't just disappear when you get older however I'm finding it hard to cope with the pressure of this whilst also having two children one whom is 3 and my daughter has just turned 1 I have been doing some research and have found your page extremely useful however. I've also noticed that many aspergers sufferers have good talents and my partner doesn't seem to have any motivation at all. As I've just started looking this up I have realized and don't want to come across as nasty but he's not the person that I thought he was I love him very much and do want to spend the rest of my life with him but can't help that with some of the things he does and says will affect our children. I think I always new that there was something not quite right but never imagined how hard it would be as being a young mother anyway its extremely hard to live a normal day to day life as nobody seems to understand that when we do have a row he doesn't mean what he does that's just the only way that he can express himself as he doesn't seem to be able to sit and talk about frustrations he will physical break things to show what he feels and then within minutes he will say sorry as he nos its wrong and it shouldn't be done. I have tried to talk about this with his mother but it seems like she has tried to hide this for a very long time and doesn't want to talk about it. It just feels like a dirty little secret when I do bring it up. She says he only suffers from a small amount of the symptoms but as we go on it seems to be a lot more than what she has told me. I just don't no where else to turn as if I do tell people like family health visitors nobody seems to have a clue what I'm on about! I don't actually think my partner has ever been told what he has properly and the affects how do I go about doing all this without him thinking I'm interfering.
•    Anonymous said… I been with my boyfriend for a year and I get that it's harder than the average relationship,but to put up with each others crap is what shows the true meaning of love lol. I realized that being with him has helped me a lot and I help him a lot.Accepting what he has and loving him for who he is and willing to go ways for him is what I'm willing to do because I have love him.
•    Anonymous said… Sadly there doesn't seem to be much support in Australia, as I was diagnosed last year at 35, after my wife left me, and have had extreme difficulty finding new friends, as I have had to do it on my own with virtually no support. This needs to change very soon
•    Anonymous said… We are mature. Lol. Immaturity is Not one of the traits. We may take longer getting to be fully emotionally mature but that depends on how much is done for us and how much we do for ourselves.

Post your comment below…
By

Married To An Aspie: 25 Tips For Spouses

If you are about to embark on a marriage to someone who has Aspergers (high functioning autism), there are a few things that you may need to know (some good, and some not-so-good, perhaps):

1. Although Aspies (i.e., people with Aspergers) do feel affection towards others, relationships are not a priority for them in the same way that it is for neurotypicals or NTs (i.e., individuals without Aspergers).

2. A relationship with an Aspergers partner may take on more of the characteristics of a business partnership or arrangement.

3. Although he genuinely loves his spouse, the Aspie does not know how to show this in a practical way sometimes.

4. An Aspie is often attracted to someone who shares his interests or passions, and this can form a good basis for their relationship.

5. An Aspie needs time alone. Often the best thing the NT partner can do is give her Aspie the freedom of a few hours alone while she visits friends or goes shopping.

6. An Aspie often has a particular interest or hobby. While this may border on obsessive, the NT partner would do well to show interest in it. It may even become something they can do together.

7. An NT partner needs to understand her Aspie’s background in order to work with him on their marriage. She will need patience and perseverance as well as understanding that he functions on a different emotional level to her.

8. Aspies do marry, and while NT partners can be frustrated by their lack of emotion and physical contact, their Aspergers spouses do bring strengths into the relationship. If there is open communication, the NT partner can help her Aspie to improve in areas of weakness and encourage him in the things he is naturally good at.

9. Aspies often has a specific area of weakness in marriage. They often do not feel the need to express love, and the NT partner can help them understand that this is important. Discussions about how to display affection, holding hands in public and buying small gifts can be beneficial, but don’t be surprised if the results are amusing.

10. Aspies typically mature later than NTs. As young adults, they are often emotionally immature and have poor social skills. As time passes, however, they can develop to a point where they are able to enter into a relationship with the opposite sex.

11. Because Aspies tend to talk and act differently to NTs, they commonly attract a specific type of partner. Their spouses are often caring and nurturing and have strong protective instincts. In many ways, they become a link between their Aspie and society.

12. Because the Aspie does not have the same relational needs as the NT partner, he may be unable to recognize instinctively or to meet the emotional needs of his partner. Marriages can thus form some dysfunctional relationship patterns.

13. For NTs who had normal expectations of the mutuality of marriage, there may be a sense of betrayal and a feeling of being used and trapped while in a relationship with an Aspie.

14. In marriage, the Aspie often displays great devotion to his partner and is reliable, honest and faithful.

15. In the privacy of their relationship, the NT partner may become physically and emotionally drained, working overtime to keep life on track for both of them.

16. It’s important to look at the Aspies’s motives rather than his actual behavior.

17. Lowering expectations will make the marriage more predictable and manageable, if not easier.

18. NT partners may begin to feel that they are entirely defined by the role they fill for their Aspie partner. There can be a sense that there is little mutuality, equality and justice.

19. NT partners may feel that they are daily sacrificing their own sense of self to help fulfill the priorities of the Aspie partner.

20. NT partners may resent the reality of living on terms dictated by the needs and priorities of the Aspie partner.

21. Positive traits such as faithfulness and reliability are bonuses, and the NT partner can encourage her Aspie by praising him for these.

22. Sometimes a relationship with an Aspergers partner ends up being more one of practicality and convenience for the Aspie than for the loving and meeting of emotional needs of the NT partner.

23. The Aspie can sometimes be emotionally and physically detached and become focused on a special interest to the exclusion of his partner.

24. The NT partner may unwittingly fill the role of “personal assistant” rather than being an “intimate-romantic partner.”

25. Your Aspie partner may seem to be more focused on a particular interest, project or task than on the people around them.

=>  Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples

=> Skype Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by Asperger's and HFA
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