Launching Older Teens and Adult Children With Aspergers

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Aspergers Teens and Marijuana Use

Question

My 17-year-old son has just recently been diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome. After several really rough years of being bullied and having difficulty with maintaining friendships, we began to see him drifting towards "the wrong crowd" and using marijuana. At first, we assumed it was an experimental thing, but has since caused him to be arrested for possession. He continued to use despite mandatory drug testing.

The scary thing is that I fear that marijuana has become his new "obsession." He admitted to daily use and has told me on more than one occasion that he has no intentions of stopping. He sees it as a harmless, "natural" substance. Now, it has gotten to the point where I have seen discussions on his facebook that indicate he is involved in dealing, not as a big time dealer, but what looks like someone who delivers to "friends." He flat out denies he is involved in dealing despite my husband and I having read these messages. He even came home recently with a black eye and I fear he was beaten due to a bad deal. We are scared out of our minds and not sure where to go from here.

He wants to go to college, has good grades, but just cannot see the dangerous road he is on, despite many people telling him and the trouble it has already brought to him. We have him in counseling (for the past month or so) and it is clear that he is self-medicating.

Do you have any advice? I don't think a traditional drug treatment program would work with his very rigid way of thinking and I'm afraid this could make matters worse. Thank you - your newsletters have brought a lot of great advice and validation during the process of learning about Aspergers.

Answer

Adolescence is a time that is more emotional for everyone. Yet the hormonal changes coupled with the problems associated with Aspergers can result in the Aspergers (high-functioning autistic) teenager becoming emotionally overwhelmed. Childish temper tantrums can reappear. The Aspie teen may act-up by physically attacking a teacher or peer. He may even experience a "meltdown" at home after another day filled with harassment, bullying, pressure to conform, and rejection. Suicide and drug addiction become real concerns, as the Aspergers teenager now has access to cars, drugs and alcohol.

Marijuana is the most widely used illicit drug among America's youth today, and children are smoking it at a younger age than ever before. Moreover, the strength of the drug has increased in the past two decades, and other chemicals are often added to increase its effects. 

Here are the facts on marijuana:

• A significant body of research has identified the consequences of marijuana use, including changes to the brain, problems with learning, effects on mental health, and lung and respiratory damage. Marijuana leads to changes in the brain similar to those caused by cocaine, heroin and alcohol.

• Adolescents age 12 to 17 who use marijuana weekly are nine times more likely than non-users to experiment with other illegal drugs or alcohol, five times more likely to steal and nearly four times more likely to engage in violence.

• Despite popular belief, scientific research has shown that marijuana use can indeed lead to dependency and addiction.

• For teens, marijuana can lead to increased anxiety, panic attacks, depression and other mental health problems.

• Marijuana affects alertness, concentration, perception, coordination and reaction time.

• Marijuana affects many of the skills required for safe driving and other tasks, and these effects can last up to four hours.

• Marijuana is more potent than ever and can lead to a host of significant physical, social, learning and behavioral problems at crucial times in the lives of teens. 60% of teens currently in drug treatment have a primary marijuana diagnosis. Today's marijuana is more potent and its effects can be more intense.

• Marijuana is the most commonly used illicit drug in the United States. Every day in 1999, more than 3,800 youth ages 12-17 tried marijuana for the first time. That's more than tobacco. The number of eighth graders who have used marijuana doubled between 1991 and 2001, from one in ten to one in five. Young marijuana users often introduce other youth to the drug.

• Regular marijuana users often develop breathing problems, including chronic coughing and wheezing.

• Research has also shown a link between frequent marijuana use and increased violent behavior.

Moms and dads are the most powerful influence on their kids when it comes to drugs. Two-thirds of youth ages 13-17 say losing their parents' respect is one of the main reasons they don't smoke marijuana or use other drugs. Moms and dads who perceive little risk associated with marijuana use have kids with similar beliefs. Often times, parents neglect to refer to marijuana use when talking to their kids about drugs. They are more concerned about so-called "hard" drugs and the dramatic increase in use of club drugs. Many moms and dads do not fully appreciate the specific dangers of marijuana today. In some cases, they draw on their own experiences with drug, 30 years ago when it wasn't nearly as potent.

What can parents do?

Clear communication by moms and dads about the negative physical, emotional, and functional effects of drugs, as well as about their expectations regarding drug use have been found to significantly decrease drug abuse in Aspergers teenagers.

Adequate parental supervision has also been found to be a deterrent to drug use in Aspergers teens. Specifically, parents knowing how, where, and with whom teens socialize, as well as limiting their child's access to substances that can be abused have been associated with less teen drug use.

Limiting the amount of alcohol, cleaning solutions (inhalants), prescription, and over-the-counter medications that are kept in the home to amounts that can be closely monitored and accounted for has also been found to decrease substance abuse by teens. There are also programs that offer treatment for addiction to marijuana that can greatly help parents deal with the marijuana habit of their children.

Family-focused abuse-prevention programs have produced reductions in teen drug abuse. Among ethnic minorities in the United States, those who strongly identify with their communities and cultures have been found to be less likely to experience risk factors for using drugs compared to their peers who are less connected to their communities and cultures. Thus, incorporation of a 'cultural component' to drug abuse prevention programs may enhance the effectiveness of those programs. In addition, teenagers 15 to 16 years old who use religion to cope with stress tend to use drugs significantly less often than their friends who do not use religion to cope.

Drug use has been found to occur most often between the hours of 3 and 6 p.m. – immediately after school and prior to parents coming home from work. The teenager’s participation in extracurricular activities has been revealed as an important technique in preventing drug abuse in this age group.

My Aspergers Teen: Discipline for Defiant Aspergers Teens

What do we do or say to those that think ASD is something to fear?

Question

My 5 1/2 year old son was diagnosed with ASD by a neurologist over this spring. My in-laws were so upset that we had him tested. They insist that we "labeled" him and have now made his life hard. We feel that now he is getting the help that he needs and the label is not a "bad" thing. What do we do or say to those that think autism is something to fear?

Answer

The importance of getting a diagnosis for a child who truly has ASD (high-functioning autism) cannot be emphasized enough. If the issues that cause a child to behave strangely are unknown, parents can never get the child the help he needs and is entitled to. And someone with autism does need help!

ASD children and adults see the world from a different point of view. They think “normal” people speak in riddles. Their thoughts go something like this:

• “How come they are not interested in details like me?”
• “Why are relationships so complicated?”
• “Why don’t people say what they mean?”
• “Why use non-verbal signs like body language instead of just telling something like it is!”

Autistic children and adults think their world is more logical then ours. However, the majority of people do not have the disorder – so, how the majority “thinks” is considered normal. A child on the spectrum has to adjust to our “strange” way of relating to each other and our ways of communication. It’s very hard for an “Aspie” to adjust to something so far off from logic.

Parents and teachers need to understand and relate to the child's different way of thinking. In order to be able to do that, a diagnosis has to be made. If you don’t know what is wrong, how can you help or reach out?

Highly Acclaimed Parenting Programs Offered by Online Parent Support, LLC:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

____________________

Do you need the advice of a professional who specializes in parenting children and teens with Autism Spectrum Disorders?  Sign-up for Online Parent Coaching today.

____________________

 COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said…  Without the ASD label they're likely to get labelled a whole bunch of other things. At least the label gets them some tolerance and understanding.
•    Anonymous said… A label to me is 'shy' or 'naughty'. A diagnosis is worlds apart from that.I can't stand all the know it alls preaching about labels.my son has a diagnosis-get with the programme or not-its their choice.but i will not tolerate people arguing with me about whats happening with my son.no way,no how!
•    Anonymous said… Do they help support him and you? If not their opinions don't matter! There you go! You are welcome!
•    Anonymous said… Having that label get him valuable resources!
•    Anonymous said… Hope that in time your family will see that the diagnosis is actually an enabler for your child to obtain the support he needs.
•    Anonymous said… I don't say anything to ppl who just can't comprehend or are ignorant to the High Functioning Autism diagnosis. Even me when I first got the diagnosis from the doctor, I was in complete denial. I just knew something was off and didn't know why my son was different from the other kids I watched playing in preschool. Some ppl never really get it or even want to. It seems like The worst offenders are family members of this. Unless I have to I usually don't even tell ppl, I know some parents blurt it out any chance they get. lol but my son who's Now 13 started asking me around the age 10 to "just stop telling ppl his business" so I don't anymore, and usually If ppl stay ignorant of what Aspergers is I just stay away from those kind of ppl because I find they always have my son under a microscope looking for autism or they just need to know why he has that label and you have to convince them that it is what it is.
•    Anonymous said… I told mine...get on board and trust our parenting choices or get out of our way! No options, no commentary...nothing welcome from those who don't take the effort or time to educate yourself and be informed about what the diagnosis is and why it is important!
•    Anonymous said… I was trying to get my now 12 yo daughter test for years but her dad didn't feel it was necessary at 9 we had her tested for ADHD and came out with a HFA, ADHD and Anxiety/Depression and now I can get her help and allow her to be the best she can be and instead of wondering why she may be different or see things differently she is learning as am I how to work through it and it is not a label it will give her strength to know what to do...
•    Anonymous said… IMHO it is better to recognize and get the help needed at a young age, my x not until 53, my daughter 24, and other daughter 13...the earlier it is known the more we as parents can do it help guide them to a successful and healthy life.
•    Anonymous said… It all about education pass on this website and other resources, I have found this sites so helpful and is giving me understanding and able to plan a better future for my son.
•    Anonymous said… It took me until my son was 8 to have him diagnosed despite the school telling me he was autistic. He is so high functioning that I just didn't understand it. It took a relative of mine even longer and she has asked me "so when will he be over it?" UM, it's a lifelong personality. We help him along the way, but he isn't going to magically get better! He has actually deteriorated over the last few years as he developed serious OCD which we are still dealing with. He is now 12...and will be 13 in two months..puberty is setting in all kinds of new problems.
•    Anonymous said… It's not a label it is part of who he is. Nothing to be embarrassed about. My son has Autism along with another serious mental condition and without diagnosis he would never be able to function at school and get the help he needs. Real friends embrace and accept who they are. I am proud of my son.
•    Anonymous said… Just keep repeating "it's a diagnosis, not a label". It's a thing you need to know about and work with, like needing glasses, or insulin. Looking for it didn't make it happen it was already there. It's a generational thing. My parents didn't want me labelled so I went through with no dyslexia or joint hypermobility support and possibly ASD and ADHD like all of my kids. Diagnosis is better based on comparison of my experience and theirs.
•    Anonymous said… My MIL told me my son just needed more love. Another relative said religion would fix him. Neither was going to help without a diagnosis and the funding that comes with it.
•    Anonymous said… One of my friends said once, "Is being diabetic a label?" It might be, but its certainly no reason not to get tested and get appropriate help.
•    Anonymous said… Our whole family read the book everything about Asbergers . in it , it teaches you to celebrate the behaviors not grieve them .you son has a lot of growing to do . he will change and evolve . :)
•    Anonymous said… Sorry but your parents will have to learn that without this "label" your beautiful son will receive no resources! And will struggle with aspects of his life😧 without this "label" he'll be misunderstood all his life. It will also cause cause confusion and undoubtedly low self esteem for him. Hate "labels" too and I struggled with it at beginning but it's best for your child.
•    Anonymous said… Whether it's right or wrong to get them "tested and labelled"... ( incidentally my son was diagnosed 8 years ago after me pushing for something for years ).... The facts are that to access the help available you have to fit into a category.... It's just the way it is... Not labelling them and denying the child help is not going to be the right way forward...

Post your comment below...

How should I treat my friend who has Aspergers?

RE: "How should I treat my friend who has Aspergers?"

First of all, thanks for asking. You must care about your friend. Aspergers (high-functioning autism) is the name given to a group of problems that some people have when they are trying to communicate with others. They have difficulty understanding others. Kids with Aspergers can hear what others say to them – and they know what the words mean – but they don't pick up the 'non-verbal' part of communication. As a result, they often don't get the full message.

You might get angry with someone, and say ‘go away’. Most children know that means 'leave me alone', but a child with Aspergers might believe that you want him to go very far away.

Aspergers is sometimes called an 'Autism Spectrum Disorder' because it is a little like autism. A child with Autism cannot communicate well with others and really does not understand that people talk about feelings and have emotions. Children with Aspergers can talk, but they get confused a lot in social interactions.

Here’s what that may look like in real life:

• Because children with Aspergers (Aspies) don't understand the feelings of others, they may do things which upset other people (e.g., using things that do not belong to them without asking permission).

• Children who have Aspergers may have problems understanding that they have to listen as well as talk.

• Some may do inappropriate things to try to make friends, and this can get them into trouble.

• Sometimes Aspies get very upset and aggressive.

• Their behavior can seem a bit different or unusual, or it can be really difficult.

• Aspies are often really interested in things, like computers, stars, making things – but they have trouble having a conversation with someone.

• Aspies can be obsessive about something they are interested in, and don't understand that others are not as interested.

• Aspies can be targeted by bullies because they can easily be upset.

• Aspies like things to happen the same way all of the time, so they may get upset when lesson times are changed, or they have to move to a new desk in the classroom.

• Aspies may be surprised when people do something they haven't expected (e.g., if someone laughed because of something amusing, they might not know it was funny).

• Aspies may be upset by some noises or smells or by what some things feel like or look like (e.g., they might hate the feel of shoes on their feet, or how sand feels, or refuse to wear anything that is red).

• Aspies may choose to play alone and stay away from other children, or talk to adults.

• Aspies may find it hard to understand the feelings behind a facial expression. They may think that if someone smiles at them in a friendly way, that person wants to be their best friend. They can then be very disappointed when the person wants to play with someone else.

• Aspies may have problems making friends. They often want to have friends, and they can feel very lonely, but they don't know how to be a friend.

• Aspies may like to be playing with a computer rather than with other children, as they don't have to communicate socially with the computer.

• Aspies may take a long time to understand the ‘rules' about not interrupting when someone is talking, or how to take turns, or how to share.

• Aspies may think that other children have done something deliberately to hurt them when they have accidentally bumped into them. They can even believe that a chair tried to bump into them!

• Aspies might be called 'eccentric', which means a bit odd and different to other people.

If your friend or someone in your class has Aspergers, here’s how you can help:

• Be friendly
• Don’t bully him or play tricks on him
• Help him to learn that he must be kind to other people
• Help him to practice skills like talking to the class
• Help him to understand the rules by being firm and saying things like, "It's my turn now, then it will be yours"
• Help him when he has trouble understanding
• Ignore 'bad' behavior
• Include him in your group, but don’t get upset if he doesn't want to join in
• Let him know that you like him
• Praise him when he does well
• Stand up for him if others are being unkind
• Understand that he is not trying to be difficult
• Understand that unfamiliar things and unfamiliar noises can be upsetting for him

Highly Acclaimed Parenting Programs Offered by Online Parent Support, LLC:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

____________________

Do you need the advice of a professional who specializes in parenting children and teens with Autism Spectrum Disorders?  Sign-up for Online Parent Coaching today.

____________________

Aspergers and Loneliness

It is hard to know if kids with Aspergers (high functioning autism) are as lonely as their moms and dads believe they are. Therapists do know that playing with a friend, making a friend and being with a friend are "overwhelming skills" for Aspergers children. Kids without Aspergers make no sense to "Aspies," because Aspies are totally preoccupied with their own agendas.

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