How to Deal with an Aspergers Child Who Also Suffers with Anxiety

Question

How do you deal with an Aspergers child who also suffers with anxiety?

Answer

For kids with Aspergers (high functioning autism), anxiety can be overwhelming. What causes this anxiety? Just about anything can cause anxiety. The stress of social situations when you have weak social skills, changes in your normal routine or in the order of things, depression due to the loneliness that can come with lacking social abilities, and frustration. Truthfully, frustration is the root of anxiety in kids with Aspergers.

In kids with Aspergers, anxiety builds as frustration builds. Something as simple as being forced to make eye contact and explain your reasons for choosing a certain book to read can cause frustration. Imagine trying to find the words you need and learning that some of those words are missing. Imagine having to look someone in the eye and feeling actual physical discomfort when doing so. Imagine eating in a noisy, crowded cafeteria when the sights, sounds, and smells are painfully overwhelming. Imagine having a deep desire to make and keep friends, but not having the social skills needed to accomplish this desire. Frustration is around every corner, and with that frustration comes anxiety.

Aspergers anxiety must be understood before it can be eliminated or at the very least, managed. Knowing the youngster’s anxiety triggers, or daily frustrations is a good place to start. Once you know the youngster’s frustrations, you can make a plan for these stressful Aspergers anxiety situations. 

There are several choices of treatments for parents to choose:

• Moms and dads can choose to teach coping skills at home. Search the Internet for published resources that can make the job easier and more effective.

• In some cases, medication is a necessary treatment. Anti-anxiety medications can make it easier for kids with Aspergers to deal with the depression and anxiety issues. Since medications are not for everyone, a trusted doctor‘s guidance is necessary.

• Counseling is a common treatment option for anxiety. Cognitive-behavioral therapy, as well as psychological counseling can help. Social skills training, sensory integration therapy, and language therapy can also help with the underlying causes of a youngster’s anxiety-inducing frustration.

Aspergers anxiety is a serious condition and should not be taken lightly. Finding the right combination of stress management and treatments will help your family deal with the frustration that leads to anxiety.

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book


==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

Are Aspergers and HFA Children Too Smart For Their Own Good?

One parent's search for answers to a particularly distressing school situation led her to characterize the plight of her 9-year-old Aspergers son like this: "The good news is he's bright, and the bad news is he's bright!"

This revealing description makes a sadly accurate statement about an educational system that not only fails to understand the Aspergers and High-Functioning Autistic (HFA) youngster – it also fails to recognize that such understanding is in fact necessary if positive change is to occur. An analysis of what this parent meant by her statement gives one a window on the sometimes bizarre world of the disorder.

In most disorders, a descriptor like "high functioning" is an excellent indicator of potential success – thus, the good news. How then can intelligence be considered bad news? The answer to this question lies in the paradoxical nature of the disorder itself.

Kids on the autism spectrum are cognitively intact (i.e., they possess normal, if not above-average intelligence). This creates an expectation for success. Furthermore, the pursuit of their restricted range of interests and activities often results in (a) the amassing of impressive facts, and (b) an expertise beyond their years. This is a potential problem!

Given their enormous strengths and the expectations that they generate – and given the fact that intelligence is a highly-prized trait in our culture – the intellectual prowess in Aspergers and HFA children virtually eclipses the social-emotional deficits that are at the heart of the unusual behavior associated with the disorder.

Unmindful of their neurologically-based weaknesses, parents and teachers get blinded by the strengths of these kids. This situation inevitably leads to a mind-set that can be summed up as follows: "If he is that smart, shouldn't he know better?" The answer to that question is a resounding "no." In fact, because of the social-emotional deficits, as well as the presence of symptoms unique to the disorder, these kids can't "know better" until they are “taught” to know and understand.

Consequently, in order to create a hospitable environment for kids with Aspergers and HFA in a world that is often inhospitable to their needs, it's vital that parents and teachers employ direct teaching strategies to address the following specific areas:

• Executive dysfunction (i.e., problems in organizational skills/planning) 
• Perspective-taking 
• Problem solving 
• Reading/language comprehension 
• Socio-communicative understanding and expression

Together, these target areas constitute a kind of “life-skills curriculum” for the more able youngster/student. Their inclusion in the youngster's Individualized Education Program (IEP)) can help to ensure that each of these important skill areas gets the attention it deserves. After all, life skills are far too important to be left to chance!

More resources for parents of children and teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism:

==> Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums in Asperger's Children

==> Discipline for Defiant Asperger's Teens

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's: How to Promote Self-Reliance 

==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism


Comments:

• Anonymous said...Thank You!! It's so nice to hear support like this. I'm a single mom of an 8-year old Asperger's Child (Boy) and I appreciate you recognizing the work mom's do!!

• Anonymous said...Great article, many thanks, so true.

• Anonymous said...One of the best bits of advice I ever got on parenting was this, "Love them, love them, love them!" I like to have a plan, I like things cut and dry, I like things structured - and was dismayed to discover how often these things did not fit into the real-life raising of a child with Asperger's where there is so much unknown and uncharted! After initial research and all the conflicting information out there, I decided to fully embrace that love advice - it was the one thing I could keep constant. No matter what kind of day we've had, not matter what the current issue is, my daughter ends each night with no doubt as to my complete love for her and accepting of her. I show my love to her by reading her wonderful stories and commenting on her amazing drawings, I show love to her by keeping my voice calm and gentle when reminding her three times of the one task I have asked her to do, I show love by not complaining about her need for the same sandwich at bedtime EVERY night and kissing her when I bring it to her, I show love to her by not allowing her to self-absorb in an electronic game by setting the timer for her to alert her to the time, etc. And I tell her a million times a day that I love her, that I am proud of her, I tell her when she has expressed her feelings really well, I thank her for joining into the conversation and tell her what I liked about her comments. All these things add up to success, because if my child is filled up with love and acceptance - she will have what she needs to work hard and succeed in anything.

• Anonymous said...Thanks for the words of encouragement! Parenting is a challenging job in itself--but adding a disability of any kind intensifies the job! My 14 year old son with Aspergers is amazing in so many ways--but I'm exhausted keeping ahead of him to ensure he'll succeed. I also have two other sons, and their needs are important, too. Reading this today brought tears to my eyes as I don't often look at it that way--often I feel like I can't keep up. My husband also has Aspergers, and he does what he can. Thanks again!

• Anonymous said...It is so nice to have 'someone' say you are doing okay!!

• Anonymous said...Being a single mum of a highly intelligent 13 year old son with Asperger's and his 11 year old brother is completely exhausting and my confidence continually fluctuates between 'soaring' and plunging to the deepest depths! Not to be helped by a recent 'ex' (that I suspect may have attributes himself) who continually criticizes and does nothing!

• Anonymous said...I completely empathize with all the other mothers out there, and know that the ONLY thing that pulls us through is our love for our children.

• Anonymous said...I am continually in awe and love the exceptional young person that my son is, and am certain he will impact on the world in such a wonderful way as an adult!

• Anonymous said...Yes, Love is so needed by our kids. I have a 13 yr old son with aspergers, although he does not ever want to hear anything is wrong with him. It's everybody else who has the problem. He is constantly baffled why he he constantly gets yelled at by his teachers, has no friends and gets picked on. He never wants to be corrected or given help, he will just yell "I'm perfect, I'm a good boy, why does everyone hate me??" It breaks my heart in pieces. He is so logical and he will not refrain from challenging his teachers and it makes them crazy. Everytime I bring up taking him to see someone for help, he goes ballistic. If we do go, he sits there and refuses to talk. I just don't know what to do anymore. any tips for a frustrated mom?

• Anonymous said...Hello there My name is Peter Caspian And My brother had have very very mild Aspergers and Aspergers Is not a bad thing or the end of the world Aspergers Is A gift a gift of Wonders of being smart/funny/creative/nice/ thats the stuff what aspergers mean but You need to Be nicer to them like treating them as if they were a king to you They can be sad sometimes or if there some thing wrong you cannot see it in them So ask He/she to come over for a cookie for a talk and ask what is wrong It is not their fault for aspergers dont be mean to them

• Anonymous said...Good article, i think the main problem is when people think of intelligence they only think of " mathematical intelligence" and don't understand there are different types of it like emotional intelligence etc. Having good grades or being good at math doesn't make you smart.

• Anonymous said..."'If he is that smart, shouldn't he know better?' The answer to that question is a resounding 'no'. In fact ... these kids cannot 'know better' until they are 'taught' to know and understand." That about sums up my life. ;)

• Anonymous said...I am 17 and have asperger's, my parents see so much in me, I know I'm intelligent, I want to get into college, but whenever I try to do classes like math I just shut down and retreat to my mind, a place where I can see any scenario as if it were happening before my eyes, this is something a lot of people mistake about me, people assume that I'm incapable of doing anything on my own, but I'm not, I run into problems and k get frustrated and block everything out before I can be taught, what I want people who read these to know is that, I do care about myself and I can do these things, but I choose not to a lot of the time because of how I feel when I have a hard time. People don't realize that I do things like spend time listening to Audio books never wanting to get up, or that I want to just use my computer once in up, that I won't take my earphone out when I'm talking to other people, most people don't realize these important factors, that's why so much of the population is convinced that autism and asperger's are the same thing that it's a spectrum, I don't believe in that, I have met two people with autism, one of them I was friends with for a while, there is a night and day difference between autism and asperger's, people always say there the same, but I you saw me, you wouldn't know I had asperger's unless I told you, cause it really only affects me in ways that I can see unless you have been with me for a very very long time.

Post your comment below...

Aspergers Diagnosis: Should You Worry?

You may be involved with a rather baffling youngster or grown-up. You may have wondered if he or she has autism. The name “Aspergers” may have been mentioned. What is Aspergers?

Aspergers is named after an Austrian pediatrician, Hans Asperger (1906-1980). He identified a group of kids and grown-ups who had characteristic problems in the areas of social interaction and communication. He called them autistic, and emphasized their narrow special interests, good language and idiosyncratic learning styles: like a “little professor” or “a youngster just landed on earth”.

The term Aspergers has been adopted recently to cover those people who, although may have many of the same difficulties as other individuals with autism, are different in certain ways which make professionals unwilling to use the term “autistic”. In particular, the person may have great interest in others, and wish to be sociable, although finding such interaction very baffling. Contrary to the stereotype of the silent and withdrawn autistic youngster, the person with Aspergers may have very fluent language – may in fact tend to talk on and on regardless of the hearer’s interest.

Despite superficially good language, they still have problems with communication. They may be over-precise, over-literal and socially insensitive in their communication. Particularly noticeable is an odd quality to the voice or speech melody, which can be monotone, silted or singsong. Body language, posture and gait may also be strikingly odd. A good vocabulary and excellent rote memory often leads individuals to over-estimate the real level of understanding and intelligence. Sometimes a youngster with rather poor general understanding is thought to be a prodigy because of unusual memory skills (e.g. being able to hum Mozart arias at the age of two).

Diagnosis of Aspergers—

Criteria of Aspergers overlap greatly with that of autism: impairments in social interaction, in communication and imagination, presence of repetitive behavior, and imposition of routines. In addition, special interests (train timetables, astronomy, dates, collecting objects as well as facts) and clumsiness are considered particular features of Aspergers. People can be highly intelligent, while lacking in common sense. Their intellect may allow them to compensate for their handicaps, and obscure the real nature of their difficulties. The incidence of Aspergers is as yet unknown, but is estimated by some to be one in every 150 live births. Aspergers is much more common in males than in females.

What causes Aspergers?

Aspergers, like autism, has a biological basis in the brain. There may be a genetic component, and a genetic link to autism; autism and Aspergers occur in the same family more often than by chance alone. The area of the brain affected is not yet known.

Not simply eccentric—

Not everyone who has social difficulties, communication impairment, or a special interest has Aspergers. Individuals with Aspergers are different from normal eccentrics in that they have not chosen to be different. For instance, Aspergers people have almost insurmountable difficulties in understanding humor, and the intentions and attitudes of others. The difficulties a person with Aspergers experiences will usually impair the quality of their lives, in many different areas. The most notable, and painful, is the lack of friends, and difficulty in integrating in job or school, despite the desire to “fit in”. These problems are all of a different quality and magnitude from those experienced by individuals who are sensitive loners who may retreat into a rich inner world of fantasy.

Should you start to worry?

It would be quite wrong if, having read so far, you began to wonder whether every shy youngster or grown-up has Aspergers. The aim of this article is not to raise worries, but to give those readers who are already worried about their youngster’s long-standing social impairments a point of reference, and a source of further information. Most families affected by Aspergers have suspected something seriously amiss with their youngster from the earliest years.

What can be done?

Recognition and diagnosis is a vital step. This allows the individuals with Aspergers as well as the family, to stop blaming themselves. The social and communication problems must be recognized as real handicaps, and not as simply a lack of manners, willingness, or intelligence. Support and understanding are needed from those around. This is especially true during adolescence and adulthood, when the person with Aspergers may have some dawning awareness of his/her handicap, and become depressed.

Individuals with Aspergers do not out-grow their social naiveté and striking lack of “common sense”. Therefore, they are very vulnerable and liable to panic in apparently ordinary situations of change. Individuals with Aspergers lack empathy, which creates its own problems for caregivers. It is useful to remember that the person with Aspergers may be self-centered, but is not deliberately selfish. This distinction may be hard to make, and those around may instinctively feel that the Aspergers sufferer is being callous, unkind, or even cruel and calculating. In fact the root cause of such problem behavior is probably a fundamental lack of social understanding and insight.

Choice of educational provision is a major concern. Many such kids are in mainstream schools, where degree of success depends on considerable support. The needs and personality of the individual youngster and their family need to be considered, and is not fruitful to make general recommendations. A social skill curriculum is a necessary addition to the youngster’s education.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

Aspergers and Marriage

Parents of kids with Aspergers (high functioning autism) often look into the future and wonder if their youngster will ever be able to marry. The answer is yes. A man or woman with Aspergers can develop personal relationships and become a life-long partner.

Marriage Partners and Aspergers—

A person with Aspergers will normally marry someone who does not have the condition. In spite of their difficulties with social skills and expressing emotion, an Aspergers spouse can be a good marriage partner. This is especially true if he or she is aware of their diagnosis and have worked on it with therapists. Their natural strengths serve to enhance the marriage and in some cases, this is enough to carry the relationship through difficult patches.

Potential Problems in Aspergers Marriages—

Courtship and the early days of marriage often go well and males with Aspergers often come across as the strong silent type. Problems may arise as time passes and weaknesses come to the surface. These include emotional immaturity, the inability to socialize and the inability or reluctance to show affection. The non-Aspergers partner ends up feeling lonely, neglected and affection-deprived. This is often hard for the Aspergers partner to grasp as he or she will express love more practically than physically.

An Aspergers adult is often attracted to a marriage partner who is the organized or mothering type. He or she recognizes that they need someone to watch out for them and keep them focused in the right direction. This can also lead to problems between couples.

Women in particular may attract predators and as their social skills are weak, they do not realize that the man is not good for them. They may marry and be subjected to a life of misery with an abusive man.

Strengths that Aspergers Adults Bring to Marriage—

Adults with Aspergers have many positive traits. They have strong moral values and will be faithful to a marriage partner. They are also honest, reliable, determined and kind. While their marriage may lack in hugs and affectionate words, the Aspergers spouse is in it for the long haul. This combined with marriage therapy is often the saving grace of the relationship.

Adults with Aspergers do marry and many of their marriages are long-lasting. While they have weaknesses, they also bring strengths to a relationship and with understanding and counseling, they often live long happy lives alongside their non- Aspergers spouse.

=>  Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples

=> Skype Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by Asperger's and HFA

Aspergers and Self-Diagnosis

Aspergers was not officially added to the Diagnostics and Statistics Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) until 1994, with the release of the DSM-IV. Prior to the inclusion of Aspergers, the only autism spectrum diagnosis available to clinicians was autistic disorder.

This lack of diverse diagnostic criteria led to a generation of kids growing up with obviously Aspergers traits but no diagnosis. As the public began to learn more about the various autism spectrum disorders, many grown-ups with these unique qualities began to self-diagnose themselves with Aspergers.

Symptoms of Aspergers—

Autistic disorder, PDD-NOS, and Aspergers share similar diagnostic characteristics. According to WebMd, symptoms of Aspergers include social impairments, restricted interests, repetitive behaviors, and strict adherence to rituals and routines. However, people with Aspergers may not have experienced delays in language or cognitive development.

These symptoms may have left kids with labels like odd, quirky, or socially aloof. Once Aspergers was added to the DSM-IV as a separate pervasive development disorder, clinicians were able to apply a diagnostic label to these kids.

Weird Adults—

When information about Aspergers became more readily available, adults that were once considered quirky or that had received a diagnosis of social anxiety disorder may have been intrigued by the characteristics of people with Aspergers.

Reading through a list of the common traits of Asperger people, one may find himself nodding his head in agreement. To help in identifying the symptoms of Aspergers in oneself, several online tools were created.

The Autism Spectrum Quotient (AQ Test)—

While there may be several online Aspergers tests available, the Autism Spectrum Quotient is one of the most well respected tools. Simon Baron-Cohen, a noted Cambridge psychologist and expert in the field of Aspergers, created the AQ Test. Baron-Cohen operates the Cambridge Lifespan Asperger Syndrome Service, which is dedicated to meeting the needs of grow-ups with Aspergers.

The AQ Test features 50 questions to help adults evaluate their own autistic traits. Questions on the test address a person’s social aptitude, repetitive behaviors, narrow interests, adherence to routines, and other traits common among adults with Aspergers. During the first trial period of the AQ Test, 80% of adults with an actual autism spectrum diagnosis recorded scores of 32 or higher.

While the AQ Test isn’t an actual diagnostic tool, many adults use this to help self-diagnose themselves with Aspergers. It is important to note that while the test may be helpful in identifying autistic traits, individuals that feel they may be on the autism spectrum should seek an evaluation by a professional experienced with adults with an autism spectrum disorder.

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book