Aspergers Children: Guidelines for Meltdown Management

How should you handle meltdowns in your Aspergers (high functioning autistic) child?

With an Aspergers child, a certain situation is fraught with frustration, and potential anger. For example, the stress and strain of school days – which are so long and arduous – are like a compressed spring. It's compressed, and compressed, and compressed, and when they get home, there's an explosion (the Jeckyl and Hyde moment). After school, it may be a time for going for a run or a walk, watching TV, etc., to get it out of their system, to debrief or to get rid of that tension.

There are ways that moms and dads may pick up the signs that a meltdown is brewing (e.g., rigid thinking, being intolerant of imperfection, holding his head). Often times, there are warning signs that the Aspergers child is starting to get agitated. So, the circumstances and warning signs may be a clue.

Sometimes the meltdown comes out of the blue when you have no expectation that it's going to occur, that it's out of proportion to the situation. It takes everybody by surprise. Often what occurs is that it's very intense, but brief. What you have to go through is a program on emotions and anger management for that child so that they can telegraph their anger before hand in more constructive ways.

I use what I call “constructive destruction” or “recycling”. One child I worked with had major problems with his mood swings, which seemed to go up and down quite phenomenally and included periods of severe anger. But when he was coming up to those periods of anger, he had cans to crush, telephone directories to tear up, and all sorts of things that he “recycled” because he was fascinated by the environment, geography and recycling. He was able to be channeled to do that and feel better, having done that sort of “emotional vomit” to get it out of his system.

Anger is a serious issue because kids can get expelled from school for it. They may be okay with their schoolwork, they may be reasonably coping with their social life, but if you have one or two periods of anger, especially if somebody is hurt, then you're often excluded from school. And there are a number of Aspergers children that, due to one or two episodes where they were teased or bullied, the anger and the intensity of it gets everybody frightened about the situation. So there are areas in anger-management that need to be gone through, but really it requires someone with expertise in both Aspergers and emotions.

Children with Aspergers often exhibit different forms of challenging behavior. It is crucial that these behaviors are not seen as willful or malicious; rather, they should be viewed as connected to the child’s disability and treated as such by means of thoughtful, therapeutic, and educational strategies, rather than by simplistic and inconsistent punishment or other disciplinary measures that imply the assumption of deliberate misconduct.

Specific problem-solving strategies, usually following a verbal rule, may be taught for handling the requirements of frequently occurring, troublesome situations (e.g., involving novelty, intense social demands, or frustration). Training is usually necessary for recognizing situations as troublesome and for selecting the best available learned strategy to use in such situations.

Here are two very important suggestions on how to approach behavioral management in children with Aspergers:

1. Helping the Aspergers child make choices—

There should not be an assumption that the Aspergers child makes informed decisions based on his own set of elaborate likes and dislikes. Rather he should be helped to consider alternatives of action or choices, as well as their consequences (e.g., rewards and displeasure) and associated feelings. The need for such a set of guidelines is a result of the child’s typical poor intuition and knowledge of self.

2. Setting limits—

A list of frequent problematic behaviors such a preservations, obsessions, interrupting, or any other disruptive behaviors should be made and specific guidelines devised to deal with them whenever the behaviors arise. It is often helpful that these guidelines are discussed with the child in an explicit, rule-governed fashion, so that clear expectations are set and consistency across adults, settings and situations is maintained. These explicit rules should be not unlike curriculum guidelines.

An effort should be made to establish guidelines for limit setting so that parents do not need to improvise on the spur of the moment, thus possibly triggering the child’s oppositionality. When listing the problematic behaviors, it is important that these are specified in a hierarchy of priorities so that the parent and the child can concentrate on a small number of truly disruptive behaviors.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns

Home-Schooling Your Aspergers Child

In the home-school environment, routine can be maintained because there is not the impact of the needs of other kids or other interruptions. Further, you have the ability to teach to your youngster's strengths that may not be readily recognized by others within the school system.

As I am sure you know, it is often not the individual teachers that are at fault – but overcrowded and under-funded schools are often the bigger problem.

It may also help your youngster avoid the effects of bullying that is often associated with any youngster who is different. A great deal of research indicates the problems of bullying in Aspergers (high-functioning autistic) kids can be very significant and of course very damaging.

The youngster with Aspergers lacks social skills and the ability to fit in with their peers, yet they usually crave this type of interaction. So this can be a very problematic area for a youngster with Aspergers.

All kids learn a great deal of their social skills in school and it is no different for the youngster with Aspergers. Interacting with other kids will not only provide them with the opportunity to develop some social skills, but develop life-long skills that will be important to them later in life.

At some point in his or her life, your youngster will need to develop skills that will help them interact in society. They will also need to develop the ability to make decisions in your absence. It is not likely that they will have the opportunity to learn these skills in home school, unless you are very active with other social skills groups.

So this element of your youngster's development is one that you must address and consider when thinking about home-schooling. This can include looking at suitable youth clubs, sports and leisure groups that your youngster may be interested in.

You will also need to work on emotions, social situations, Feelings etc. as part of the home school curriculum. This can be through discussion, emotions cards, role-playing, using specially designed computer software and obviously getting out there in to the community for real life lessons and social skills testing.

It is also important to remember that there are certain protocols and legal requirements to follow for home schooling which you will need to check with your local education board.

Home-schooling can be excellent as it can better meet your youngster's needs and help to reduce bullying. But social skills and interaction also need to develop and this has to be properly considered for the home-schooled youngster.

As well as this any parent must take good advice on the subject and thoroughly research before taking such a significant step.

Home-schooling is a blessing and allows you to feel confident knowing that you are giving your Aspergers child the absolute best education possible. There can be specific and unique challenges when home-schooling an Aspergers child.

Things will change gradually, but they will change. Sometimes fear can sneak into your mind (e.g., fear about what the future holds for your Aspergers child; fear that he won't make friends; fear of what others might think), but try to block these thoughts out and only focus on what you can do today - just today - that will make your youngster progress a little and connect with you and the world around them a little bit more. Every progression is huge, and if there is any step back, which there probably will be, it is not permanent.

You probably chose homeschooling for your Aspergers child because:

• he was being bullied to the point of depression
• you knew that you could reach him in a way that nobody else could
• you knew that you could give him the best education he could get
• the school he was going to could not help or support him

These are all great reasons why you have decided to home-school your Aspergers child.

Here are some tips that really help with the day:

1. GET INVOLVED WITH HORSE THERAPY. Horses can work wonders for the emotional wellbeing of your Aspergers child. Horses can really connect with him in a way that is hard for him to do with people. It is almost like your Aspergers child can read their movements and communicate with them without words. It's great.

2. GO OUTSIDE OFTEN AND GET INTO NATURE AS MUCH AS YOU CAN WITH THEM. Aspergers kids have a deep connection to nature and the natural world. They commune with the animals and the plants, and feel connected to this world when they are around them. Go on hikes, take your child to see a waterfall, take him into the woods for a nature drawing, or just to sit and listen to the trees. They LOVE it.

3. INVEST IN ZOME TOOLS, LEOGS, K-NEX, OR ANY BUILDING TOY. Not only are these toys extremely therapeutic, they really get your Aspergers child to slow down, create, and focus. I don't know what we would do without them, and when our grandson is taking a break from his schoolwork, these toys really feed his need to use his hands and make something.

4. MAKE ART A BIG PART OF YOUR DAY. Arts and crafts are healing and really help your Aspergers child connect to the world around them. It does wonders for my grandson to have him creating a project and using his hands to mold something out of clay. They immediately calm and focus in a way that they are not able to do normally. My top choices for art are: CLAY AND POTTERY, PAINTING, and BASKETRY.

5. TRY WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT TO KEEP A RIGID STRUCTURE. All kids crave structure, but a child with Aspergers desperately needs it. It is structure during their day that allows them to feel confident that all is well in the world and that they can be sure that you know what is going on. It helps them to relax and helps them to trust you. If your Aspergers child is anything like my grandson, he will resist this structure, especially if there wasn't enough structure before. Just keep reinforcing the structure. Keep doing it. Make a schedule for the day and post it on the wall where your child can see it. If he is not reading well yet, read him the schedule aloud at the same time every morning before you start the day. Make sure that he knows that you are in control and that you know what is going on.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

Aspergers and Interpersonal Relationships

Aspergers (AS) may lead to problems in social interaction with peers. These problems can be severe or mild depending on the individual.

Kids with AS (also called high functioning autism) are often the target of bullying at school due to their idiosyncratic behavior, precise language, unusual interests, and impaired ability to perceive and respond in socially expected ways to nonverbal cues, particularly in interpersonal conflict. Kids with AS may be overly literal, and may have difficulty interpreting and responding to sarcasm, banter, or metaphorical speech. Difficulties with social interaction may also be manifest in a lack of play with other kids.

The above problems can even arise in the family; given an unfavorable family environment, the youngster may be subject to emotional abuse. A youngster or adolescent with AS is often puzzled by this mistreatment, unaware of what has been done incorrectly. Unlike other pervasive development disorders, most kids with AS want to be social, but fail to socialize successfully, which can lead to later withdrawal and asocial behavior, especially in adolescence. At this stage of life especially, they risk being drawn into unsuitable and inappropriate friendships and social groups. Individuals with AS often interact better with those considerably older or younger than themselves, rather than those within their own age group.

Kids with AS often display advanced abilities for their age in language, reading, mathematics, spatial skills, and/or music—sometimes into the "gifted" range—but this may be counterbalanced by considerable delays in other developmental areas. This combination of traits can lead to problems with teachers and other authority figures. A youngster with AS might be regarded by teachers as a "problem child" or a "poor performer." The youngster’s extremely low tolerance for what they perceive to be ordinary and mediocre tasks, such as typical homework assignments, can easily become frustrating; a teacher may well consider the youngster arrogant, spiteful, and insubordinate. Lack of support and understanding, in combination with the youngster's anxieties, can result in problematic behavior (such as severe tantrums, violent and angry outbursts, and withdrawal).

AS causes problems with language, communication and social interaction. An individual with AS may not be able to make friends easily and may also find two-way conversation difficult. She may appear to talk at people, rather than with them and fixate on favorite topics even if the other party shows distinct signs of disinterest or distress. She continues to talk about the topic and is oblivious to the other party's reaction. She also may misunderstand language at time and taking many things literally, missing subtlety.

In a relationship, the communication problems can easily lead to misunderstandings. In relationships, the neurotypical (i.e., non-Aspergers) individual often takes on the role of helping the individual with Aspergers and others understand each other better in social situations. Some romantic relationships also become strained because the neurotypical person gets frustrated with being the couple's main social connection to the rest of the world.

Two traits sometimes found in AS people are mind-blindness (the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and alexithymia (the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in oneself or others), which reduce the ability to be empathetically attuned to others. Alexithymia in AS functions as an independent variable relying on different neural networks than those implicated in theory of mind. In fact, lack of Theory of Mind in AS may be a result of a lack of information available to the mind due to the operation of the alexithymic deficit.

A second issue related to alexithymia involves the inability to identify and modulate strong emotions such as sadness or anger, which leaves the individual prone to sudden affective outbursts such as crying or rage. The inability to express feelings using words may also predispose the individual to use physical acts to articulate the mood and release the emotional energy.

Individuals with AS report a feeling of being unwillingly detached from the world around them. They may have difficulty finding a life partner or getting married due to poor social skills. The complexity and inconsistency of the social world can pose an extreme challenge for people with AS. In the UK, AS is covered by the Disability Discrimination Act; those with AS who get treated badly because of it may have some redress. The first case was Hewett v Motorola 2004 (sometimes referred to as Hewitt) and the second was Isles v Ealing Council. The same applies in the United States with the Americans with Disabilities Act, amended in 2008 to include autism spectrum disorders.

The intense focus and tendency to work things out logically often grants individuals with AS a high level of ability in their field of interest. The person with AS can lead a profitable career and a fulfilled life when these special interests coincide with a materially or socially useful task. The youngster obsessed with a specific area may succeed in employment related to that area.

Many kids with AS reach adulthood without being diagnosed with this neurological disorder. Adults with AS are often just regarded as “weird”, unable to maintain more than a superficial level of relating to others. Because they lack empathy it can be particularly difficult for them to relate to kids. As with autism, males are diagnosed much more frequently than females with AS, but that might be an artifact of male personality versus female as regards a generally more sociable temperament in girls and women.

The descriptions here are in no way critical. They are simply descriptive of the typical adult behavior and temperament of this condition.

Being partnered to an AS spouse comes with its own set of marital difficulties. Of primary concern is the lack of intimacy and reciprocation of emotion. This is the most common reason for marriage breakdown associated with this disorder.

Communication is difficult because individuals with AS are not facile with give-and-take and are unlikely to offer apologies or acknowledge responsibility for failed relationships. They may become overly sensitive to criticism or suspicious of others and, because they harbor lingering resentment over perceived slights, they are seen by others as being paranoid.

Family and peers may become exasperated by the AS person’s self-centered insensitivity, obsessive, and rigid inflexibility. In situations requiring ultimate agreement (such as custody situations) conversation is often one-sided, long-winded, circumstantial, and lecture-like. Conclusions are difficult to reach because individuals with AS need to always have “one last word.”

While comprehension of the nonverbal communication of others is poor, some individuals with AS appear to have special talents or skills, and some have highly successful careers, particularly in certain professions requiring rote memory.

For grown-ups with AS, social skills training will help in dealing with spouses and children. Training involves teaching the individual to recognize facial expressions, learn body language skills, and learn to verbally interact with others at a more functioning level. This type of training does not come naturally to the person with AS, particularly as it requires willingness to accept constructive criticism.

Counseling for all parties can also be helpful in understanding this condition and in improving relationships.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

The Myths About Aspergers

The mysterious nature of Aspergers (high functioning autism) has led to a number of misconceptions about this syndrome as well as the individuals who have it. Overall, it has been a very misunderstood disorder, especially when it comes to distinguishing it from lower levels of autism. 

A lot of people talk about Aspergers and compare it to autism. But this is not completely accurate. Those with Aspergers are not as impaired as a person with autism. Because of this, they are able to go to college, balance a checkbook, drive a car and function pretty normally. In many cases, it's just somebody who's socially awkward. Even this awkwardness can be misconstrued as "acting out".

One misconception is that they are intentionally acting weird for attention, which is not the case. A lot of attributions are made about their behaviors that are negative, because people just don't understand.

Just as there are many misconceptions about those who actually have Aspergers, recent attention of the disorder has also led to misdiagnoses of those who do not have the syndrome. It is very misdiagnosed, and a lot of people without Aspergers get a diagnosis of Aspergers. Somebody might be really socially weird -- for example, really into 'Star Trek' or dragons. This does not mean that they have Aspergers. The point is that you can't really just make that generalization.

Aspergers, a higher functioning autism spectrum disorder, is very misunderstood by the general population. Here are 12 common myths regarding the condition and the children who have it:

1. MYTH: All Aspergers children are nerds, or all nerds are Aspergers children…

Fact: Many Aspergers children have interests that can be considered nerdy, but not everyone who considers themselves “nerds” has Aspergers.

2. MYTH: All children with Aspergers want to be cured…

Fact: Many Aspergers children are against finding a cure, as their Aspergers traits are an integral part of who they are.

3. MYTH: Aspergers is a disease…

Fact: Aspergers is simply a neurological difference.

4. MYTH: Aspergers is caused by vaccines…

Fact: The theory that vaccinations cause autism and Aspergers has been disproved by a number of studies. It is now thought to be caused by genetics.

5. MYTH: Aspergers is just an excuse to not be a part of society and it doesn’t actually exist…

Fact: Most Aspergers children desperately want to be part of society – they just don’t know how to do it.

6. MYTH: Aspergers adults cannot form romantic relationships…

Fact: Though many Aspergers adults have trouble initiating romantic relationships and may have difficulty knowing what to do in a relationship, Aspergers adults can and do date, get married, and have children just like everyone else. It is important for these individuals to find a partner who is able to be understanding of their condition and the idiosyncrasies that come with it. It is also important for them to make an effort to see things from their neurotypical partner’s perspective.

7. MYTH: Everyone with Aspergers is a genius…

Fact: Some children with Aspergers are geniuses, some are of average intelligence. Many are in the “above average” range, however.

8. MYTH: Life is more difficult for Aspergers males than females…

Fact: Females have a different set of challenges than males, such as being more likely to be taken advantage of by neurotypical males.

9. MYTH: Only children can have Aspergers…

Fact: Though adults are able to develop better ways of coping and blending in with society, it is a lifelong condition. Many Aspergers adults have trouble getting a formal diagnosis, as it wasn’t included in the DSM until 1994.

10. MYTH: Only males can have Aspergers...

Fact: There are many females with the condition, though many females remain undiagnosed for a variety of reasons, including the fact that girls are better at blending in, and that some AS traits are seen as more socially acceptable in girls.

11. MYTH: Children with Aspergers have no empathy for others…

Fact: Though Aspergers children may have trouble showing empathy, most do have the ability to care about other human beings.

12. MYTH: Children with Aspergers are mentally retarded…

Fact: To be diagnosed with Aspergers, an individual must have at least normal intelligence.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

The Blessings of Aspergers: 40 Positive Characteristics of Asperger Syndrome

Also known as “autism lite” or a “shadow syndrome” of autism, Aspergers is an autistic spectrum disorder that affects approximately 1 out of every 200 people.

Those with Aspergers are high functioning in the sense that they are better able to maintain social relationships than those with autism. Unlike those with autism, people with Aspergers often score highly on measures of verbal intelligence.

When contemplating disorders such as Aspergers, there is a tendency to focus on negative aspects. But many of those with Aspergers have positive traits as well, which has led some people to question whether it should be viewed as a difference rather than a disorder.

Here are the positives associated with the Aspergers condition.  People with Aspergers:

1. are excited about the world around them with a zest and hunger for learning
2. are fascinated by facts and dates
3. are frequent victims of social weaknesses of others, while steadfast in the belief of the possibility of genuine friendship
4. are loyal with impeccable dependability
5. are often very perceptive
6. are often original with unique perspective in problem solving
7. are persistence of thought
8. are physically beautiful
9. are seekers of truth, conversation free of hidden meaning or agenda
10. are sensitive to specific sensory experiences and stimuli, for example: hearing, touch, vision, and/or smell
11. are the "social unsung hero" with trusting optimism
12. are truthful to a fault, blurting out the first thing that pops into their mind, speaking things the rest of us think but would be too polite to say – and because of their innocence it's probably going to be accepted better than if it came from another mouth
13. avoid "ritualistic small talk" or socially trivial statements and superficial conversation
14. can hear things normal people can't hear
15. can memorize lines from movies
16. can spend days in their room reading children's encyclopedias
17. have a great consideration of details
18. have a rare freshness and sense of wonderment
19. have a rote memory and an overall good memory
20. have a sweet innocence about them
21. have an encyclopedic or "CD ROM" knowledge of one or more topics
22. have avid perseverance in gathering and cataloging information on a topic of interest
23. have clarity of values/decision making unaltered by political or financial factors
24. have enthusiasm for unique interests and topics
25. have exceptional memory and recall of details often forgotten or disregarded by others, for example: names, dates, schedules, routines
26. have knowledge of routines and a focused desire to maintain order and accuracy
27. have narrow, yet highly focused interests
28. have outside interests like reading about weather instead of learning what they're learning in school
29. have strength in individual sports and games, particularly those involving endurance or visual accuracy, including rowing, swimming, bowling, chess
30. have the ability to pursue personal theory or perspective despite conflicting evidence
31. have the amazing ability to absorb facts easily in their brains
32. listen without continual judgment or assumption
33. live in the present, and don't hold grudges
34. often have advanced vocabulary and interest in words
35. often have the ability to regard others at "face value
36. see things differently than others
37. seek sincere, positive, genuine friends with an unassuming sense of humor
38. speak their mind irrespective of social context or adherence to personal beliefs
39. take everything literal and are usually unprejudiced
40. they remember lot of things about their life, both past and present

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook