Homeschooling Your Aspergers Child: Free Educational Resources

Animals & Pets—
 

·         TeachKind— Kindness to animals. Videos, DVDs, lesson plans, worksheets all free to network members. About how to affect the kind treatment of all animals.

·         Bear Safety in Alaska packet— Booklet and sticker to send for, or download pdf file and print for yourself.

Arts & Crafts—

eCals - Calendars for Kids Recycling Program— Need old calendars for craft projects for your kids or want to donate some? Here's the place.

Computing—

·         Freebyte's Guide to Free Computers— Free used and recycled computers, mostly for schools, non-profit organisations and disadvantaged individuals.

·         Free Computers— Why throw away that 486 machine when its perfectly usable? Here is a very incomplete list of groups involved in reusing computer equipment.

·         Free Color Printer from Xerox— If you are running a home business, an association or large support group, a resource center or cottage school, you may qualify. You must buy all ink through them, and report on your usage.

 

Health & Safety—

 

·         Will Rogers Institute Educational Resources— Educational material on health issues for teens.

·         Safe Kids— Order free booklets about safety around electricity and natural gas.

·         NICHD/Milk Matters Clearinghouse— View, download as .pdf file, or send away for brochures about milk. Also available in Spanish.

·         FEMA Publications— Order a Disaster Public Information Catalog to find out all the materials that FEMA offers. You can call, toll-free 1-800-480-2520.

 

Homeschool-Specific—

 

Homeschool Free Stuff— This is a weekly newsletter that compiles free resources for homeschoolers from around the Internet. We include everything including free Curriculum, Lesson Plans, Resources, Interactive Online Studies, Unit Studies and more.

Internet Site Hosting—

 

·         Free Online Datebooks— Share your homeschooling plans on the web.

·         A2Z Homeschool Blogs— A free hosting service with many Wordpress templates to enjoy.

 

Math—

 

·         Wall Street Journal Classroom Edition— 30 copies may be a bit much for one homeschool family, but may be just right for an ISP or support group needing 30 copies 9 times a year at a good discounted price.

·         The Kingdom Of Ern— Free book that explains the relationship between productivity and inflation to kids. From Monetta Mutal Funds.

·         Federal Reserve Bank of San Francisco— Free curriculum about money, monetary policy, banking supervision, financial services, and more for elementary through high school students.

 

Multiple Topics—

 

·         Captioned Media Program— We are a free-lending library of open-captioned videos. We are funded by the U.S. Department of Education and administered by the National Association of the Deaf. Currently, we have around 4,000 captioned videos in our collection and are adding more each year.

·         Consumer Information Catalog— Free or nearly free booklets from the government for learning activities, college planning, parenting concerns.

·         Free Resources— A sortable database for free curriculum online and off. Sort by age, topic, and specific terms.

·         Free Teaching Aids— Resource books, that aren't free, which list lots of things that are available to homeschool parents as well as teachers.

·         Freecycle Network— Made up of many individual groups across the globe, it's a grassroots movement of people who are giving (& getting) stuff for free in their own towns. Each local group is run by a local volunteer moderator (them's good people). Membership is free.

·         Lesson Plans— Websites that have structured lesson plans. Usually these have goals and objectives and meet state standards.

·         Video Placement Worldwide— VPW offers educational materials FREE to qualified teachers, librarians, media specialists, and youth leaders throughout the United States, courtesy of some of America's leading companies and organizations.

 

Language Arts—

 

·         Stage to Screen— Turner Classic Movies (TCM) and Turner Learning, Inc., in partnership with your local cable company, are pleased to provide you with this Educator's Guide for TCM's series TCM By the Book: Stage to Screen. This guide and the series is intended to help you introduce classic film adaptations of stage plays.

·         NetLibrary— Borrow books online before you buy. Catch is, you have to return them in two weeks, the software sees to that.

·         Libraries on the Web— Directory of public libraries with web sites. Often you can put books on reserve from the website.

·         Kane/Miller Free Stuff for Children— Free sticker of "Everyone Poops," and other items of interest for children.

·         FunFelt Storyteller Sample— Please click on "Felt Sample & Info" to request a small printed felt sample or other information from someone in my FunFelt Team of local Independent Story Teller Consultants.

·         Free Spanish Lessons— Right here on A to Z Home's Cool! 13 lessons in conversational Spanish, with pictures and sound to help you learn fast! Send for CD sample of more lessons.

·         Free Curriculum and Field Trips— A sortable database for free curriculum and field trip ideas.

·         Arthur Teacher Guides— There are a number of Arthur teacher guides available both online and in print.

 

Lesson Plans—

 

·        
Youth Learn
—
Relevant, creative materials that can help you make good use of new technology. Look here for planning guides, teaching techniques, activities, projects, and more.

·        
Web-Based Projects
—
A series of web-based projects written and designed by students preparing to become teachers.

·        
Today is Fun
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The ideas here will keep kids happy and occupied for hours on end, without you having to spend money or buy more stuff. The tips are always entertaining, often educational and developmentally appropriate.

·        
Texas Instruments Activities Exchange
—
Browse by subject area or submit your own activity ideas. Learn to use TI calculators to solve real-world problems.

·        
TeachR
—
Presents a free and effective way to collect, create, organize and teach lesson plans in a fast and efficient way. Cool calendaring feature! Free registration for those who want to post lessons.

·        
Teach-nology
—
Offers teachers FREE access to lesson plans, printable worksheets, over 150,000 reviewed web sites, rubrics, educational games, teaching/ technology tips, advice from expert teachers, and more.

·        
Teacher Created Materials
—
Free monthly activities, lesson plans, and brain teasers. New each month as well as archives.

·        
Teach With Movies
—
Through movies, introduce children to major events in history, principles of science, extraordinary people, literature, drama, dance, art, character development, and ethics. Low annual subscription rate for hundreds of movies.

·        
Smithsonian Education
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Arts, Language Arts, Science and Social Studies plans.

·        
School Express
—
Free weekly units, free worksheets for online and offline study, and software to download.

·        
Scholastic Lesson Plans & Reproducibles
—
Pick a grade level pre-k through 8th grade and then a topic to locate a variety of lesson plans teaching that skill.

·        
Read Write Think
—
Access to the highest quality practices and resources in reading and language arts instruction through free, Internet-based content.

·        
Praetor Education Technology
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How to use open source software to develop free curriculum online. Free Java lessons for educators. Good math and science resources already developed.

·        
PBS Teachers Source
—
Updated monthly. Resources so you can integrate PBS shows with your unit studies.

·        
Outta Ray's Head
—
A collection of lesson plans with handouts for writing, literature, poetry, and using the library, by Ray Saitz and many contributors.

·        
Open Gateways Curriculum for Teachers
—
Training Guides and the Lesson Plans. Both are designed to teach persons interested in training teachers to fully integrate the StarOffice™ suite of productivity tools into their school curricula. Windows and Linux.

·        
NY Times Lesson Plan Archive
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The archive contains hundreds of free lesson plans for grades 6-12. You may perform a keyword search to retrieve a lesson, browse the archive by subject, or scroll down the page to view the most recently published lessons.

·        
Newton's Apple: Teacher's Guides
—
A complete collection of Teacher's Guides from season 9 through 15 is available. Mostly science lessons, though a few from other topics as well.

·        
MarcoPolo Lessons
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Check back each Monday to see the newest lessons added to the MarcoPolo content standards aligned website, or access all MarcoPolo lessons and resources in the MarcoPolo Search Engine.

·        
Life Skills for Vocational Success
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Life skills constitute a continuum of knowledge and aptitudes that are necessary for a person to function independently and to avoid interruptions of the employment experience.

·        
Lesson Tutor
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Free reproducible lesson plans, unit studies and print ready worksheets for all levels, all abilities and all subjects of Grade School and High School. Featured articles will give you general teaching and learning encouragement, references and support.

·        
Lesson Plan Page
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Far more than just a "page," this site has plans in all typical subjects, as well as holiday units, computer science, and even PE. Add your own plans to the project.

·        
Lesson Plan Center
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Let TeacherVision.com help you create innovative plans quickly with our large inventory of ideas and materials.

·        
Lesson Bank
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The Teachers.Net Lesson Bank is your opportunity to share your most precious asset - your teaching ideas and lesson plans.

·        
Learning Partners
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A Guide to Educational Activities for Families that covers a lot of topics: reading, math, science, geography, history, writing, responsible behavior, and many more. For each topic, there are activities that you can do with your children to reinforce learning. Most are simple, everyday activities.

·         Learners Online— Each week there's a new online lesson that takes learners on a thematic journey across cyberspace. Lessons are tied to current events and help learners extend their knowledge on a wide range of topics.

·         Learn.com— Online courses, some are free, some require a fee, and some require software to be purchased. Not all courses appropriate for children, but many are. Unusual right scrolling needed to see the whole page.

·         Learn NC— A program of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill School of Education, finds the most innovative and successful practices in K-12 education and makes them available to teachers and students.

·         Layers of Learning— Layers of learning refers to the scaffolding all people need as they learn. The more we can connect ideas together ast teachers, the more meaningful the ideas become.

·         Kitchen Table Classroom— Tips and tidbits on how to make learning fun! On this site, we offer a new tidbit each day, so come back often.

·         K to the 8th Power— Over 600 lessons which are organized into integrated and cross-curricular lessons. The integrated lessons teach a computer skill and apply it to grade level academic content.

·         iTunes U— A part of the iTunes Store featuring free lectures, language lessons, audiobooks, videos and more, that you can enjoy on your iPod, iPhone, Mac or PC. Explore over 200,000 educational audio and video files from top universities, museums and public media organizations from around the world.

·         Ideas For Homeschoolers— Marty Layne, of Victoria, BC, posts her monthly newsletter in her delightful writing style that will delight and enthral you.

·         I Love That Teaching Idea!— Worksheets, reproducibles, newsletters, books, lesson plans, ideas and more.

·         HomeSchooler Network: Lessons & Activities— Find innovative ideas for learning at home with our large inventory of resources and materials. Search by subject and your child's age.

·         Homeschool Launch— At this point there are several hundred files (forms, unit studies, lapbook templates, worksheets, etc) created and uploaded by various members of the site - with several more being added each week.

·         Homeschool Huskies and Ponies— Sets of workbooks and projects in different topics. Patches given as awards for completion.

·         Grade Level Skills Help Pages— These links are grade specific to help students practice on specific concept areas. 

·         Google for Educators— This website is one of the ways we're working to bolster that support and explore how Google and educators can work together.

·         Gateway to Educational Materials— The key to one-stop, any-stop access to high quality lesson plans, curriculum units and other education resources on the Internet!

·         Free Resources— A sortable database for free curriculum online and off. Sort by age, topic, and specific terms.

·         Free Printables— Print out unlimited copies of your favorite projects including art, deals, and greeting cards. This is the most comprehensive site offering every kind of easily-printed activity that you can simply copy on your home computer.

·         Free High School curriculum— From Apple. By providing Apple with your email address and checking the box below, you will be notified when additional curriculum materials are available.

·         Educator's Reference Desk— This collection contains more than 2000 unique lesson plans which have been written and submitted to AskERIC by teachers from all over the United States.

·         Educational Resources and Lesson Plans— Over 1000 links to lesson plans and other resources of potential use to homeschoolers. It also includes lesson plans and resources unique to this site.

·         Education World Lesson Plan Center— A resource for lesson plans and research materials.

·         EdSitement— From the National Endowment for the Humanities. Lessons and units for art and culture, literature and language arts, foreign language, and history and social studies.

·         EdHelper.com— Lesson Plans - Worksheets - Teacher's Lesson Plans - WebQuests - Primary Teacher Resources - Math Lesson Plans - Writing Lesson Plans - Reading Lesson Plans - Science Lesson Plans - Technology Lesson Plans - Social Studies Lesson Plans.

·         Easy Fun School— Making homeschooling more enjoyable for both child and parent.

·         Discovery School Lesson Plans— Find hundreds of original lesson plans, all written by teachers for teachers. Use the pull-down menus below to browse by subject, grade, or both. Also lesson plans to support Assignment Discovery and TLC Elementary School programming.

·         BrainPOP for Homeschoolers— Homework help, interactive quizzes, comic strips, and experiments.

 

Science—

·         Visit to an Ocean Planet— CR-rom. Plan a scientific cruise to the Gulf of Mexico to study whales, explore El Niño 1997, or Meet the Oceanographers.

·         The New Genetics— Explains how genes affect your health, and its companion poster, Living Laboratories, presents a captivating, full-color overview of how scientists are using model organisms for medical research. 

·         SPiE's Free CDs & Videos— Light in Action: Lasers, Cameras & Other Cool Stuff; Optics: Light at Work; and Careers in Optics.

·         Spectroscopes— From the Solar Center at Stanford University. Charges for shipping. Please allow 5-6 months for delivery.

·         Souvenirs Catalog, UC Davis School of Veterinary Medicine— Free animal posters and samples of newsletters on various veterinary topics.

·         Science Project Index— A bibliography of science experiment books for young folks. Includes their Dewey Decimal System number for library location. If you can't find the book in your library, please support A to Z by ordering your book here through Amazon.

·         National Institute on Drug Abuse Information for Parents and Teachers— These materials were developed specifically for parents & teachers. 

·         National Arbor Day Foundation Merchandise— Free educational material about trees, rainforests, etc.

·         Life of the Forest— International Paper is pleased to present our exciting "Life of the Forest" educational materials for your use as research and study sources or as teaching guides.

·         Lemelson Center Education Materials— Lemelson Center educators have developed resources for teachers, parents, and kids who want to explore the exciting world of invention.

·         Human Physiology in Space— A 396-page curriculum supplement for secondary schools available in teacher and student editions. This supplement will focus on some of the primary space life sciences investigations that were designed and carried out to examine the human body's adaptation to microgravity. NASA.

·         Free Educational Materials from the Howard Hughes Medical Institute— CD rom series of virtual labs. You can try these out online first. From the Howard Hughes Medical Institute. Most likely of interest to high school-level biology students.

·         Free Curriculum and Field Trips— A sortable database for free curriculum and field trip ideas.

·         FoldIt— A free game in which players around the world compete to design proteins. The real world benefit: Scientists will test proteins designed by the game's players to see if they make viable candidate compounds for new drugs.

·         Findings— Findings magazine showcases diverse scientists who do cutting-edge research and lead interesting lives. Each issue also contains brief research highlights, a puzzle or other activity, and online extras. Published twice yearly. Free subscription for both print and RSS feeds. Free slide kits. From the National Institute of General Medical Sciences.

·         Fantastic Flinn Freebies— You'll need to have a name for your homeschool before you apply for these science supplies.

·         Experiment of the Week List— Sign up to this free email list to get an idea for a science experiment that is fun and easy for kids to do.

·         Energenius— Learn about our energy and environmental classroom lessons. No cost! Must live in PG&E territory.

·         Animalearn Loan Program— Borrow plastic animals to dissect or learn about critter insides with software. Credit card insures against loss. You pay only return shipping.

 

Social Studies—

 

·         We the People... The Citizen and the Constitution— A free civics curriculum. If you do not succeed in qualifying for it through this offer, contact your congressional representative.

·         Osher Map Library: K-12 Educational Outreach— Loaned kits are age- and subject- specific, and explore themes through the use of full-color facsimile maps from the Osher Map Library Collections, as well as overhead transparencies, handouts, audio-tapes, slides, and a slide script.

·         Global Oneness Project: Living Library, Volume 1— Order the DVD, and we'll send it to you anywhere in the world� at no cost. 

·         Canadians and Their Government: A Resource Guide— The Government of Canada is pleased to provide access to a new resource guide to assist anyone in learning more about our system of government and its institutions. We will mail this outside of Canada.

·         California Farm Water Coalition Educator Resources— Several free products and unit studies about the use of irrigated water on California crops.

·         Building Homes of Our Own— The CD-ROM game presents a macro view of the entire home building process from site selection to final sale.

·         America's Heritage: An Adventure in Liberty— A tested lesson plan resource and supplement for Kindergarten-12th grade teachers of social studies, U. S. history, U. S. government, political science, economics, geography, speech, and/or related subjects. Download segments now, or order all on a free CD or printed binder.

·         America: The Story of US— HISTORY is offering America The Story of US on DVD to every school in the United States. School must be an accredited public, private or home school, for grades K-12 and college. In order to receive your school's DVD, your school principal (grades K-12) or Dean of Students (college) should fill out the request form below. HISTORY strictly limits one request per school. DVD requests must be made prior to July 1, 2010. DVD's will be mailed around August 2010 and free shipping is included in this offer.

 

Unit Studies—

 

·         Winter Unit Study— Find out about really cold places, about the science of cold, fun in the snow, and winter tales.

·        
Weird Richard's Lego Unit Studies
—
I firmly believe I can teach literally ANYTHING using LEGO® constructs. Think you can stump me?

·         Valentine's Day Unit Study— A jam-packed page of fun Valentine projects for you and your children. A unit study to share with your friends.

·        
Treasure Island
—
These pages offer you information on everything you could possibly want to know about Treasure Island. Find out about the author, the characters of the book, tropical islands, pirates, buried treasure and lots more! Projects built around "pirate" themes that are both learning experiences and fun!

·        
The Wilder Pageant
—
A family-oriented outdoor drama based on the life of Laura Ingalls Wilder in Walnut Grove, whose writings provided the inspiration for TV's "Little House on the Prairie."  It is a live performance weekend nights in July with all characters from the Walnut Grove area.

·        
Teach Your Children Well
—
Share creative lessons and tips for all styles of home education. Lots of discussion about unit studies.

·        
Recipe for Respect: Sensational Soups
—
Kathy Rusert has developed a unit using a soup theme as a springboard for cultural explorations by integrating math, language arts, social studies, and fine arts. KidBibs.

·        
Parent Child Education
—
With years of experience working with children of various ages and abilities, we have many innovative and fun suggestions that will empower you, the parents, with confidence, information and tools to inspire your children to work to their potential.

·        
Our Author Study of Laura Ingalls Wilder
—
I must admit...this is my favorite unit of study! I discovered the Little House books in third grade, and have read and reread the entire series many, many times.

·        
Mosaic World History
—
In an effort to make rich learning experiences easily accessible to as many as possible, Mosaic offers lesson plans, curriculum guides, and resource suggestions to everyone at no charge.

·        
Miksike Integrated Learning Environment
—
Join in with students all around the world on some project of mutual interest. Webpage templates provided for submitting your work to this site.

·        
Lesson Theme of the Week
—
There will be posted every weekend a complete lesson plan for all ages. Each lesson plan will include all subjects including an art project based around a certain subject. Yahoo Group with your suggestions welcome.

·         Kitchen Unit Studies— Sample using Toll House Cookies as a unit study.

·         Kit Kittredge: American Girl - 7/4/08— Ann Zeise reviews the movie, and offers unit studies ideas to help chidren understand the Great Depression.

·        
Kids Stuff - NC Dept of Agriculture
—
Agriculture can be a lot of fun! This is the place for kids of all ages to play around with agriculture. This area will be expanding and growing constantly. Check back often for more fun things to see and do!

·        
Homeschool Share
—
Try What you Came For Unit Studies or ones related to the FIAR unit studies program.

·        
Homeschool Helper
—
We have a collection of unit studies, worksheets and other homeschooling helps. All of our units and worksheets are free.

·        
Happy Homeschool (Used to be Funschooling Unit Study Archives)
—
Karen Caroe has been publishing her unit studies online since 1997 and has quite a collection of interest to homeschool families. You could also join the Funschool Units Discussion list.

·        
Free Coloring Sheets
—
Add illustrations to your unit studies. Hundreds of topics to choose from. From thebestkidsbooksite.com.

·         Fire Prevention Unit Study— Fire Prevention Week provides lots of opportunity to discuss fire safety with your children.

·         Explorations 4 Kids— Truly fun online learning! Make this your online learning center!

·        
Debbie's Unit Factory
—
Elementary level units both online and to order. Each unit is designed to appeal to children and includes many child-centered activities.

·        
ABC Teach
—
Some of the themes include: Coral Reef, Rain Forest, Butterfly Centers, Antarctica, Peace Circle, Spring, and Where the Sidewalk Ends Presentation.

Teaching Strategies for Aspergers Students

Many kids with Aspergers (high functioning autism) have difficulty understanding social interactions, including nonverbal gestures. They may fail to develop age-appropriate peer relationships, or be unable to share interests or show empathy. When confronted by changes in school routine, they may show visible anxiety, withdraw into silence, or burst into a fit of rage. 

Although children with Aspergers may often appear to have a large vocabulary, sometimes sounding like “little professors,” they can be very literal and have great difficulty using language in a social context. They may like school, but wish the other kids weren’t there.

Here are some important classroom accommodations for educators to consider:

1. Allow more time to complete assignments, tests, and projects.

2. Break assignments and projects down into small sections that can be completed one at a time so that the child does not feel overwhelmed with the work.

3. Create a standard way of presenting change in advance of the event. A key phrase like “Today will be different” may be helpful if used consistently. You may want to explain the changes — for example, a substitute teacher — privately as well as with the class.

4. Create a structured, predictable, and calming environment.

5. Create a unique prompt or signal that you can use with the child to redirect his attention back to the assignment whenever necessary.

6. Create fewer transitions throughout the day. For example, try to create a schedule that eliminates unnecessary movement from one location to another.

7. Enjoy and make use of your child’s verbal and intellectual skills. Fixations can be used by making their chosen subject the center of teaching and using the child’s expertise to raise peer interest and respect (i.e., have him give a report or make a model of his favorite subject to share with the class.)

8. For children with Aspergers, it may be necessary to use more visual instruction, particularly with younger students. Use pictures, images, drawings, and similar aids when discussing vocabulary words, history lessons, scientific subjects, and abstract topics.

9. Foster a climate of tolerance and understanding in the classroom. Consider assigning a peer helper to assist the child in joining group activities and socializing.

10. Have a crisis plan in place in the case of emotional outbursts that might occur due to the student's inability to cope or interact with others. This plan should be coordinated with other educators, specialists, and administration, and may include providing a supervised quiet place for the child to go if needed.

11. In some cases, cooperative learning groups will not only improve social skills but also allow the child to exhibit his abilities in certain subjects. Choose the cooperative groups carefully, and continue to monitor the behavior of the student and his peers.

12. It may be necessary to focus individual lessons around that particular child. If so, continue to work in conjunction with the special education teacher when designing these lessons.

13. Learn the usual triggers and the warning signs of a rage attack or “melt-down” and intervene early, before control is lost. Help your child learn self-calming and self-management skills. Remain calm and non-judgmental to reduce stress, remind yourself that your child “can’t” rather than “won’t” react as others do.

14. Maintain a safe environment. This means controlling other students who would be a distraction or a problem for the child with Aspergers.

15. Place the child at the front of the room, and include him in question and answer sessions within the class.

16. Prepare the student in advance for any changes in routine or other unexpected activities.

17. Provide whatever support and information you can to the parents. Kids with Aspergers Syndrome often have sleep disorders and the family may be sleep-deprived. Other parents show frustration due to the long search for a diagnosis and services. They may also face disbelieving professionals or family members who erroneously blame poor parenting for the behaviors they see.

18. Set firm expectations regardless of the assignment. In many cases, students with Aspergers may not want to do assignments that hold no interest for them. It is important to establish and maintain control within the classroom, and this should include a child with Aspergers as well.

19. Try to provide a predictable schedule. Although this is sometimes difficult to do, students with Aspergers thrive on routine.

20. Use direct teaching to increase socially acceptable behaviors, expected greetings and responses, and group interaction skills. Demonstrate the impact of words and actions on other people during real-life interactions and increase awareness of emotions, body language, etc.

21. Use positive reinforcement of good behavior whenever possible.

Students with Aspergers are very bright and eager kids who can be motivated to do well in the classroom. However, lack of social skills and obsessive behavior can make it difficult at times for them to meet the expectations of their educators. With patience and understanding, the educational experience of these kids can be a positive one.

Teaching Students with Aspergers: The "Ebooks for Educators" Series

Coping With Adult Aspergers

Aspergers (high functioning autism) is a lifelong developmental disorder and mainly manifests in the inability to successfully relate emotionally to others during everyday interactions. There exists a lack of awareness in interpreting social cues (a skill that most of us take for granted). Given that inability, it can be extremely difficult for the family and friends of an Aspergers family member to cope with many of the behavior patterns typically exhibited.

An adult's diagnosis with the disorder may occur after the diagnosis of a child or a grandchild. When this occurs, family members often then relate the behaviors of the newly-diagnosed youngster to that of the lifelong behavior patterns of a parent or spouse.

This "Ah-ha" phenomenon is often accompanied by relief on the part of family members, but with it comes grief when the realization hits home that there is little likelihood of gross changes in the Aspergers adult. For instance, the daughter whose son is diagnosed with Aspergers may then realize that her father had the same constellation of symptoms, and the reason for her father's apparent disconnectedness, coldness, and inability to empathize with her suddenly becomes crystal clear.

Coping with a family member with Aspergers can be frustrating and demoralizing, particularly with an Aspergers adult who is undiagnosed. There can be much suffering and misunderstanding by the youngster of a parent with Aspergers, and certainly psychological damage is likely. Once an effective diagnosis is made, at least there is some understanding for other family members as to why the Aspergers adult behaves the way that they do.

One of my clients had a mother-in-law who exhibited all the classic symptoms of Aspergers. Previous to the mother-in-law's diagnosis, this distressed client had suffered enormously at the hands of this woman, as had her husband and kids. She had called her "The Hologram." Her explanation was that "she looks like a normal human being, and she's smart and has a good job, but there's just nothing there." Hence the name she had dubbed her mother-in-law in order to cope with the stress that family get-togethers inevitably brought.

The term "hologram" was an unwittingly apt description of her mother-in-law. There was no intimacy, no understanding, no empathy, just a pragmatic approach to life that did not take into account the emotions of the people she dealt with. Nor was she able to adapt herself to the changing needs of different individuals or situations. The diagnosis of this woman's grandchild with Aspergers led to a realization by her own adult kids as to why their mother was the way she was. It answered a lot of questions, and gave these adult kids some closure regarding the childhood hurts they had experienced due to her inability to relate to them.

Dealing with a person with this condition can be extremely difficult at times, particularly when the person has yet to be diagnosed with the disorder. When diagnosis of the adult Aspergers occurs, it is often as a result of a child or grandchild being assessed with the disorder. It then becomes apparent to other family members that the undiagnosed adult they have struggled for so long to understand or relate to also has the disorder.

When an adult is diagnosed with Aspergers as a result of a youngster within the extended family being diagnosed, it can come as a "double whammy" to the family. This is particularly the case when a youngster and a spouse are diagnosed, since the remaining member of the family group is now in the position of dealing with two Aspergers in the one home.

Similarly, the diagnosis of a youngster may make the parent twig that mom or dad had the disorder too. This also causes intense personal suffering for the person concerned since finding out that one's parent has the disorder will open as many wounds as it will explain.

The problems in dealing with an adult with Aspergers can be numerous, and include:

• A feeling of trepidation due to the effect of this constant vigilance
• A sense of frustration that you cannot "get through" to this person
• A sense of hopelessness that the person doesn't love you
• Depression related to the knowledge that the individual won't get better
• Difficulties accepting that the partner has the condition
• Failure to understand why the person cannot relate to you in a "normal" manner
• Feeling overly responsible for the person; feeling a need to constantly explain their inappropriate behaviors and comments to others
• If the adult with Aspergers is a marriage partner, concerns over whether to stay in the relationship are at times overwhelming
• Lack of emotional support from family and friends who do not understand the condition
• Lack of intimacy in the relationship and a failure to have your own needs met

Aspergers makes for difficulties in understanding the emotions of others as well as interpreting subtle communication skills, as transmitted through eye contact, facial expressions, and body language. This often leads to the person with this disorder being labeled as rude, uncaring, cold, and unfeeling. While it is natural for those who interact with Aspergers to feel this way, it is unfair to the Aspergers adult. This is because Aspergers is a genetic, neurological condition which renders the individual mentally unable to readily understand and interpret the emotional states of others.

One of the problems associated with adult Aspergers is lack of accurate diagnosis. Because Aspergers is a disorder that has only been recognized and singled out from other autistic spectrum disorders in the last few decades, to date there has been little information about the behaviors of adults with the condition. As kids, these adults would have stood out among their peers as being "unusual," yet at the time there was no accurate diagnosis available. Hence there still remains many adults with Aspergers in the community who remain undiagnosed.

The other problem is that, even when diagnosis occurs, the Aspergers individual may refuse to go into family counseling or accept available assistance as they do not see that they have a problem. One of my client's who had a mother with the condition was relieved to finally discover the reason for his mother's emotional aloofness, yet was devastated when that same mother refused to go into family therapy because she simply said "I feel good, there's nothing wrong with me."

In this case, there was no denial involved on the part of the mother. She simply couldn't understand her son's pain, his feelings of rejection, or his desire for a real "mother-son" relationship. None of it made any "sense" to her. In addition, her interactions with the family and in-laws were fraught with difficulties. Eventually this man decided to limit interaction with his mother as it caused too much distress.

In other cases, the Aspergers individual, when told that their actions are hurtful or inappropriate, may be genuinely shocked. However, the behavior is likely to be repeated, unless there is some form of intervention, and the individual genuinely desires to change.

Many Aspergers adults can maintain ongoing relationships, however due to their neurological inability to effectively communicate on an emotional level, there are numerous difficulties. Even dating can prove to be a problem as the subtle "language of love" which operates during the courtship phase is often a mystery to the Aspergers individual. This can apply to even the most academically gifted individual.

Recent research into the sexual behaviors of Aspergers suffers indicates that they have similar sex drives as the general population, but seldom possess the social skills to deal with the high level of intimacy required of such a relationship. In fact, research suggests that the divorce rate for couples in which one partner has Aspergers is around 80%.

Letter from an Adult with Aspergers:

I am a 35 year old male with Aspergers. As I sit to write this I realize that I am trying to explain myself to myself, as much as I am trying to explain my thoughts and feelings to you the reader. I will try to keep on the track, not be indulgent, and make an attempt to explain "self" from the perspective of one who has Aspergers and to keep it as short and eloquent as I am able. Please bear with me as I realize that "self" is quite different between people and that Aspergers encompasses a very wide spectrum, no two cases being exactly the same. That being as it may.

I will now attempt to share with you, my feelings, in the hope that it may in turn help you to understand the feelings of another who may be close to you. Please understand that I am not trying to offer any solutions or to appear as to be offering either a positive or negative perspective here. I am simply trying to explain how I feel, how I have always felt and how another close to you may possibly be feeling.

Ever since I was a young kid, in fact, as far back as I can remember, I have felt myself to be totally alone, different and somehow unique. Not in an egotistical way but just unusual. As a kid I felt very strongly that I didn't belong here in this world.

By the age of five I had told myself many times that my "real" parents were in fact Time Travelers that had somehow lost me here. I felt so out of place in the world that I was certain it must be so. I remember commenting to my mom as a kid that I was really a time traveler, she thought it was cute and she and a friend had a giggle over morning tea. When I was six years old I realized and believed that no one ever really loves anyone else, not really and that no‐one ever really cared about anyone else, (well it made sense when I was six) I found out differently when I was 38, but always believed it until then. I was a very quiet and solitary kid and found it hard to make friends.

By adolescence I had realized that I was somewhat "emotionally retarded" and would at times respond poorly or inappropriately to a situation and regret but still fail to understand my actions upon later reflection.

My social skills were and still are, reasonably poor. I have never been able to like myself. I have never cared about my appearance, having long ago decided that I was ugly and unattractive anyway and that grooming and clothes would make no difference to the obvious. Even though I was able to marry a very beautiful woman who loved me deeply and many have assured me that this is not the case at all, inside I have always felt it to be the truth.

I find putting on nice clothes pretentious and embarrassing. I cannot remember any time in my life that I have ever felt truly happy and carefree. I have always felt that individuals regard me as strange or eccentric and as a result I live usually alone and have no genuinely close friends. I have not seen or spoken to any members of my immediate family since my mom's funeral seven and a half years ago but then, my sisters never did like me.

I have always been prone to mood swings. Ranging from severe depression, resulting in up to 3 to 4 days of uncontrollable crying and sobbing, to short bursts of Absolute and quite irrational anger. Not anger in a violent sense, I don't have a violent bone in my body, and have never broken anything, hurt myself or attacked anyone, but I can become very verbally aggressive if I am not aware, or made aware that my mood is changing. Yet at the same time, many consider me to be articulate and intelligent and often seek my advice on a wide range of topics, and I enjoy being able to help them. I think I have called "please help me" alone in the dark in tears at least a million times in my life.

I never knew I had Aspergers or indeed even knew of its existence until my child was diagnosed with Aspergers five years ago. He is now nine years old, living with my ex‐wife and (reasonably) well adjusted for a kid dealing with Aspergers.

As with many Aspergers kids, he is extremely intelligent, he could read at two years old and had read all his grade school required reading right up through all the grade 7 books by the time he was half way through grade 3, with excellent comprehension. He is capable of being at the top of any subject.

Totally the opposite of me ‐ he looks forward to school exams because he sees them as puzzles and thinks they're fun and better than lessons. But, by the same token, he gets teased at school because his peers perceive him to be "different" somehow. He can also alienate his friends through his actions, he can be silly, irrational, incredibly defiant and a big strain on his mom, much the same as I was I imagine.

His mom and I get along quite well and I am able to see him whenever I like. Though when she left, nearly eight years ago, it affected me so deeply that I have remained celibate ever since and I sincerely doubt that it will ever change. I still look at attractive women and wish I could talk with them, I am in fact human after all, but I feel too self conscious to even make eye contact and also find the whole idea of being touched by someone, even my ex‐wife, to be embarrassing and even quite scary now, which complicates things considerably, and the longer it takes, the worse it becomes. So now, at 35, thoughts of a companion don't often even enter into my head at all any more as I feel, what's the point?

When my child was diagnosed as having Aspergers, I was able to read some of the literature regarding his condition. Upon reading a couple of books it soon became apparent where the root source of my own problems lay and subsequent investigation proved these suspicions to be well founded. At first my reaction in regard to myself was one of relief at finally having some kind of tangible definition for what I had been feeling all these years.

The relief was soon replaced by mixed feelings of remorse, frustration and helplessness. For a while I felt "ripped off". I felt that 30 years of my life had been stolen from me and that, had I known about Aspergers from the beginning, my life could have been vastly different. Maybe I could have understood myself a little before now and maybe others could have too.

I can, at least, find solace in the fact that my child now has that support from childhood. I am a professional musician, in fact many of my peers consider me to be quite a talented one, though I do not particularly share their opinion and have always been my own worst critic.

I find music and other artistic pursuits to be easy and obvious. Computer skills were a breeze to pick up, requiring virtually no effort. Still playing rock 'n' roll at 35, I even rap a few Eminem numbers. I feel quite relaxed and comfortable performing on stage in front of hundreds or even thousands of individuals; doing some intricate drawing or figuring out some computer problem.

Yet I find it difficult to sit in a room with more than 3 or 4 other individuals, and even then, unless I know those 3 or 4 quite well, I feel tense and nervous. I find it hard to make eye contact with other individuals, even those I know well. Filling out a form or talking to a stranger can be fine or it can reduce me to tears. I find light conversation nearly impossible. Working with other individuals makes me feel self‐conscious and inadequate but I can excel working on my own at the same task. I've put on a brave face but Parties, Shopping, Supermarkets and Laundromats are a nightmare. Go figure.

When I try to explain my condition to individuals I feel like they either think I'm making up excuses for myself or look on me as a freak or as some kind of nut case. Sometimes I feel that by telling them I have Aspergers I'm alienating myself, but then, if I don't tell them I will probably mess up at some stage and they will think I'm strange anyway so I figure it’s better to tell them on the whole, especially if I intend to try and pursue any type of friendship.

But then at times I feel quite fine about myself, I feel like it's the rest of humanity that has the problem, not me. Sometimes I too, look on myself as a freak and a nut case. But then, I'm sure I'm not, because they always say that if your nuts you don't know it, and I'm sure I am, so I guess I'm not..... Make sense?

I don't know if I will ever come to terms with myself or with Aspergers. I try, but it gets very difficult on your own at times without the support of another. Just a shoulder or an ear or even a hug sometimes would do wonders. Plus I do believe that everyone needs to feel loved or needed in some way. I still cry every day and must go to some lengths to convince myself I am a worthwhile member of the human race so I can put on my mask and face the world each morning, just as I have always done.

But I think I'm getting better at it. And, in the end, ultimately I believe that I AM worthwhile. Though I seem to mess up so much that I sometimes wonder whether it’s worth leaving the house any more than is absolutely necessary, so I tend to stay home and be reclusive and may seem almost shy to some.

I know there is no cure for Aspergers, no drugs than can be prescribed, no diet or exercise routine that can be undertaken. I know that my life will always remain a struggle and that I will never be one who will be considered as being "Neurologically Typical". I will always be an "Aspie" and to me, being a person with Aspergers is in many ways to be alone in the world and I am so very tired of being alone. And I'm altogether tired of feeling alone and isolated, even in a crowd, but I go on, and I try to find something positive in each day, what other choice do I have?

I think that, all in all, Life is good, especially if you consider the options. But oh how I ache to my bones to be "normal" and just talk about the weather or something.

I hope this letter has helped or provided some insight to someone who has Aspergers or perhaps to someone who may be dealing with a loved one or friend who has Aspergers. I hope that by sharing my feelings you may in turn be helped to understand theirs.

I still believe I have goodness and can help some one's life. I still believe through it all that I am worth something.

Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples