Parents With Asperger Syndrome

Comments from Parents—

I have not been formally diagnosed as I don't particularly like doctors but I meet almost all the criteria for Aspergers Syndrome. My neice was diagnosed autistic two years ago and during my research I heard about Aspergers and all of a sudden it just clicked. I have had trouble my whole life with all of the issues of Aspergers. Are there any other parents with Aspergers or parents of kids with aspergers?

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My child, age 3, is being *tentatively* diagnosed AS. Being that he is very young(most kids are not diagnosed until school-age) it is difficult to say whether the suspicions will pan out. Have you thought about having an evaluation done?

If you have any direct questions, feel free to pm me.

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I'm currently checking Aspergers out as well. My DS has Sensory Integration and he clicks with the Aspergers theme as well. I'll know more when we can get him in for more evals. But there are some of us in your boat it sounds like and hopefully more will chime in as I as well will be lookign to this board for more info. :-) Goodluck!

ETA 4 years later sicne this was bumped:

He is officially DX'd as Autism.

As far as parent's with Aspergers... lots of those around here too. I'm most likely Aspergers although we don't know which for sure. I chose not to go further into the eval process to pinpoint which one because it really didn't matter to me at the time which it was. *shrug*

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I'm a self-diagnosed Aspie. My official dx, years ago, was ADHD, but in comparing the 2, while there are a lot of similarites, the Aspergers symptoms fit me better. Sometimes it's fun.....it doesn't take much to amuse me, give me some kind of toy with a texture to it, and I'm busy for awhile. Somtimes it sucks......the clumsiness and social problems drive me nuts. Dh also has most of the symptoms. Which is probably why we get along so well, we understand each other. Not surprisingly, our youngest son, the only one that is genetically related to both of us, is autistic. It can make for entertaining conversations with his therapists. "What do you mean there is something "wrong" with smelling every object he picks up? Seems normal to me!" LOL

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I was dx'd when I was almost 40. Now 41. I, too, have a kid with Autism.

I was dx'd as "hyperactive" as a kid and put on Ritalin. clumsy - oh my, YES!

Social problems out the kazoo! I don't remember faces after about 2 weeks. I have freinds who will come up and talk to me and I have absolutley no idea who they are until their voice registers.

I didn't smell things as a kid but licked everything. Sticks, stones, cars... my mom kept gingin violet for me because of constant trench mouth! Lineing cars - ain't that normal? is to me.

flourescent lights drive me crazy. The dishwasher turns me into a monster! The sound causes me not to think and I really become strange. On edge, jumpy.

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Stacie, I hate the dishwasher too. Why does it have to be so LOUD? (and really, it's not, it doesn't bother anyone else in the house). The smelling is not something that stopped.......I still do it! I love candle stores, and bath product stores. Nobody looks at you funny if you are sniffing everything, because everyone else is too! LOL

Isn't it strange, you find all these things perfectly normal........then someone tells you they are NOT. But you've been doing them your whole life, so now what?

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Oh candle stores are awesome. I smell there and use a fingernail to scrape the wax on the candles I like the smell off. (gotta get my licks in!) ick, I know. I just can't help myself.

I don't know abuot the dishwasher and what to do with it. You are right, it bothers no one else.

do you have truoble with lighter colored walls? And the light bouncing off them? As a kid, I used to watch walls because of the colors the sunlight and lights in general make on them. I still find myself doing that.

I have a personal question... I hope you don't mind my asking. Do you S.I.B? If so, what? And do know why?

The sensitivies or lack of in my arms and legs has always caused me to brush with a hairbrush. Hard - untill I would "burn" them. I like the feel of the burn and of the scab healing. I don't even realize I'm doing it most of the time... don't leave a stray hairbrush around me! Other times I know I am and can't help it. It is like my ankle comes alive. Hard to describe.

oh well. I know other aspies who do the same sort of thing. Just curious.

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LOL! I've never tried licking candle wax, but it doesn't sound that odd to me. Kind of interesting, really. I'm not trying it though, the last thing I need is another stim. LOL

I'm sorry, but I'm not familiar with the abbreviation S.I.B. If you want to fill me in, I'll probably answer. I'm finding it so cool to find another mom like me to talk to, I'm willing to share.

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S.I.B. - self injurious behaviour.

headbanging, scratching, etc.

Did you you love to swing as a kid? I still do. Go to the park with the huge swings. And swing so hard.

have you ever tried some of the now common therapies? Like vitamins and suppliments, etc.

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Oh, ok, SIB. I'm familiar with the term, my brain just wasn't translating the abbreviation for some reason. I went through a phase of it as a teen, but I rarely, if ever, do it any more. I'm sorry, but that's probably the only phase of my life that I really do not feel comfortable sharing all the details about, so that's all I have to say right now. I did a LOT of crazy stuff, I learned from it, I've moved on. Currently, the closest I come is the compulsion I have to pick at any clogged pores, or little scabs I have. I know it's gross, but it's somehow satisfying.

Swinging, ohhhhhhhh I love it. My child has one of those big therapy net swings, right in the living room. One of my goals is to lose enough weight to use it myself, it looks SO fun! (it has a weight limit about 20lbs below where I am right now)

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I can understand that. I try not to consciously sib. I stop when I catch myself. And, yes, the teen years were worse for me. About 15-19 was terrible.

Those therapy swings are great! So are the therapy balls to bounce on. I like bouncing too! At age 9 I could bounce on a pogo-stick over 2,000 times without stopping. People used to count me bounce on the street! lol.

What type, if any, fabric or clothing bother you? Synthetics burn. I only wear cottons. Most other fabric really irrates me or smells bad. I can smell oil in some fabrics.

Do you have trouble with the textures of some foods? I have a very hard time with the pulp in fresh fruits. I can't eat it. But, I can drink juice with no pulp or eat fruit that has been cooked.

I wrote something on a board several years on tactile defensiveness, that a freind put on her web site. I'll copy to here if anyone is interested. ? It is about different tactile problems and how I have learned to adapt to the problems.

It is great chatting with other people who are going thru the same thing. It's nice not to be alone.

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I would love, love, love more info on tactile defensiveness. Aidan's not so bad about it, but Nick also has SID, which my mother (his legal guardian) has chosen not to do anything about, since it's on the mild side. He could probably use some at-home work though.

There are no particular fabrics that I don't like, but I do have to feel everything before I buy it. It just depends on each garment whether or not it's going to irritate me.

Food textures---the one that's coming to mind now is rice. If it has a really good flavor to it, I'll manage to eat it anyway, but plain white or brown rice? No way! Aidan is the same way with yogurt-- he doesn't like the texture, but if it's got a flavor he likes (particularly banana or cherry) he'll go for it. It's funny to watch him. He takes a bite, makes a horrible face, then begs for more. OTOH, I absolutely love the texture of pears, but I'm not that fond of the flavor. But I'll eat them, just for that slightly gritty texture! I know there are other foods I've sworn off because of the texture, but I can't think of any more examples right now.

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Sensory Experiences -- A personal story

I'm going to begin this with talking about "frustrations" and the physical bombardment which can manifest them. I know that you know about different senstivities, but I'm going to try and explain how this sensitivies effect the body and the mind.

Let pretend you are in a kitchen. You probably have a window, lighter colored walls and floors and a white fridge. All these lightly colored things reflect light. They create a beautiful array of colors as they "dance" off of your walls. Since most kids with autism have dialated pupils, which means they gather more light than what is considered "normal". Frustrations #1 "Don't you see the prism of colors and aren't you blinded?"

Now, you may have a dishwasher, microwave and a fridge. Did you know that standing beside a fridge is like being really close to a freight train? Microwaves are worse. And dishwashers sound like your in a war zone! Frustration #2: "Why doesn't all that noise bother you, it hurts me?"

Tactile: Did you know synthetic fibrac burns the skin? Did you relize that seems feel like razors? Frustration #3: "Get these closthes of me, I'm on fire!"

Internal: Can you hear the blood whooshing thru your head? Do your ears always ring? Can you feel your heart beat? Does everything you eat feel like a brick? Does milk make you feel drunk or goofy? Does your stomach itch and burn? Can you hear gunshots in your head? Do your arms and legs feel like jello?

Sometimes, you can block all of this out. By "stimming". I dislike that term. It is NOT a stimulatory activity but a very, very, very calming one on nerves that are totally frazled all of the time. "Please let me swing, or rock back and forth, flap my arms". "I can 'feel' my arms then." Please let me spin plates and car tires" Please let me line up my cars. There is no sensible order out there. I can't control anything. Please give me this". "Join me in this. I can see that I don't belong. Make me feel as if I do."

I really do not beleive "SIB's" are that at all. We don't want to hurt ourselves. "BUT DAMMIT-MY BODY HURTS". "CAN'T YOU MAKE THE LIGHTS NOT FLASH". "I'M TOTALLY CONFUSED BY ALL THE SWIRLS OF COLOR!" "WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME NO WHEN I HIT MY HEAD ON THE WALL, THE F...ING PAIN MOVES". You think you have a "temper tantrum". With the screaming and yelling , but you don't. You have a plea in the only way I can tell you. Please put me somewhere quiet, and somewhat dark!" "I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE OF THIS CRAP! WHY DOESN'T THIS BOTHER YOU?" I wanna tell you what's going on with me, but somewhere between my brain and mouth it gets lost in the noise and color. "DAMMIT, I HATE THIS!"

Picture this bombardment constantly on your body and in it. It never stops, even at night when sleep is susposed to bring a peace to the body. What is peace?

Coping... This a hard one. This is a continual coping process. At 38, I reckon I have found a few ways. As, a teenager, once the initial surge of puberty hormones was over, I discovered that I had a bit more freedom to eat what I could handle. By this I mean no one would force me to eat fruit, fruit pulp gags me. I also learned that milk set in my stomach as a ton of bricks. So, I didn't eat those.

I learned as an adult to scatter brightly colored rugs around a light room. It really helps in obsorbing some of the brightness and reflections from the lighter walls and such.

I have discovered that my stomach/intestines feels better if I take a small amount of Vitamin A dialy. Along with my vitamins. I also have a lot less bowell trouble.

I have a great Psychiatrist who I have been going to since 1985! Sometimes I go more than at other times. He has helped me to learn about emotions other than happy/sad/angry sort of thing.

I also take St. Johns Wort herbal blend with Kava Kava, Gotu Kola, Ginsing, Ginger, Kelp. This helps me to remain more relaxed. If things get really bad, I keep a supply of Inderal (beta blocker) for heart palpitations and panic attacks. Which I do have on a regular basis.

I am also hypo-glycemic. And crave sugar to keep my blood sugars up. But, I do have a yeast problem with frequent yeast infections. Did you know that yeast infections burn in your entire gut? And make you silly?

As for the "SIB's" I still feel the need to sometimes just bang my head...but I don't. So I do allow myself to put on steel toed shoes and go outside and kick a tree. Other times I just jump up down or swing...

With my child if he stimms. That's ok. If he head bangs. That is ok too. I look at it as something the body needs to do. I just provide a way in which he will not injure himself. For example - if he does head bang I put a large over stuffed pillow between him and floor. He head will get the sensations of jarring but it won't get bruised. Sometimes, he used to poke his fingers into his eyes. I would give him a hand towell and show him how to put an even pressure on the eyes. Beleive this or not, it callms the eyes. I will also put him in a darker area.

He does from time to time throw raging fits. OK. these are fine too. I pick him and put him in his room. I turn of light. Put on some low "relaxation" cd's. He likes the ocean sounding one. I close his windows and curtains. He usually will not allow me comfort him. So, I allow him time to begin calming down. Once they begin to callm down from the bombardments they are more able to handle intervention by comforting, holding etc.

I hope some of this helps.

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I have an 8 yr old diagnosed with Aspergers. I am what Tony Atwood refers to as "adult recovered" aspie (I believe that i the term he uses- something like that, anyway). As a kid, I could have been diagnosed with Aspergers, but now I don't think I even could be diagnosed- even though some of the issues are still hanging about to a certain degree. One reason to consider diagnosis is services. You may be eligible for things like SSDI income or Medi-care coverage with a diagnosis.

My 9-year-old DS has Aspergers. My DH has it too (although never formally diagnosed). My FIL does as well, we are sure of it. I am about as neurotypical as you can get. I find the "issues" of my DH and son so hard to deal with sometimes, but I try to be compassionate and kind. Our marriage has been really, really tough. We're doing much better now but almost broke up 5 yrs ago). I've found that I need to do my own thing socially or I can't stand it. Namely, if DH wants to be a hermit and not leave the house, then I go places myself.

I can't use my dishwasher - they both can't stand it. DH needs to buy his own clothes because he only wants certain fabrics and brands. Neither of them can stand tags in their clothes - DH would rather destroy a garment removing a tag than wear it with the tag. I can't play my violin or viola when they're home either. My DS is so very clumsy, he can't even catch a ball or dribble a basketball.

If any of you have suggestions to help me, as a non-Aspie, deal with issues in a kind and constructive way, I'd love to hear it. It seems as if the Aspies in my house are wired to be so self-absorbed, and I give and give until there is nothing left of me. Hope that makes sense?

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Well, Aspies *are* sort of wired to be self absorbed. They don't naturally think about how things affect someone else, and it can be difficult for them to do that. Understanding that may help you, but it's not an excuse for them to just do what they want. They also need to learn to think about the others in their environment. Have you ever had a family meeting? Maybe a weekly family meeting would be a good way to deal with some of the ongoing issues? I think you need to talk about these issues that involve more than one person, and to come up with compromises that everyone can live with. If the dishwasher bothers them, maybe you can run it at night as you're going to bed? Maybe DH can take the kids to the park an afternoon a week so that you can play your music, etc.

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Well, yes, Aspies ARE wired to be self-absorbed.

Something to consider-- your dh and ds probably have a hard time reading your facial expressions and body language. I know that's a tough area for me. So you are thinking "well, they should know that I'm angry/sad/frustrated, just by the way I look and act!" But they very well might NOT! You need to tell them "I'm feeling X and I need you to do Y to help me" People with Aspergers are even LESS "mind readers" than neurotypical people. Even if they know what you are feeling, it may not occur to them what it is that YOU need to feel better. They may try what would work best for them........which may very well mean leaving you alone, which probably isn't what you want.

I think Khrisday has a great idea about the family meetings. Get it out in the open, spell out what your issues are, and brainstorm on what you all can do to resolve these issues. And it goes both ways. Get them communicating on what their issues are, and how you can resolve them.

And by all means, get out into social situations alone if you have to. I'm a lot more social than my husband, even though we are both Aspies. I don’t' necessarily know the right way to handle a social situation, but dangit, I want to get out there and try! So I do. And it's handy, really, if you think about it. You don't have to worry about getting a sitter, because your hubby is perfectly happy to sit at home and be a hermit with the kids!

And on some level, you've just got to accept that they are different. Pick your battles. Yes, the dishes MUST be cleaned. So offer a choice-- they can wash the dishes by hand, or they can go outside, or to the store, or as far away from the dishwasher as possible while you run it. But is it REALLY a big deal if they have to take the tags out of their clothes?

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I don't beat around the bush when talking to the guys in this house - I just say it directly. It's been hard making that transition. I am going to try a family meeting, but doubt my DH will meaningfully participate.

Of course, I have to accept that they are different. I know that. But you know what, this might sound heartless, but where is any acceptance for me and my needs? My child goes to his social skills group and to his counselor every single week - that involves dragging my 2 year old along, and DH won't leave the house to take him EVER - he just wants to be alone and do what HE wants to do. My DH not only did not mention Mother's Day yesterday, my family went out to dinner and he stayed home to change the oil in his truck.

I was just using the tags issue to illustrate the bigger picture - they have so many issues with textures from food to clothes, to everything, it is so hard to keep them happy and I'm getting weary of it. We don't have the money to buy the Aspies in this house every single thing their heart desires either. My DH and son have special interests in computers, and DH will buy stuff before I pay the bills and leave me short of money.

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My 6 yo DS was just recently academically diagnosed with AS (in July there will have testing done which will probably result in a medical diagnosis of AS).

Right now I'm going through the grieving process --- that I don't have a typical son. And I worry that my 10 month old DS has autism. I'm thinking about the road ahead.

If anyone has any recommended resources to share (books, websites), I'd greatly appreciate it as I am wanting to get more information.

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Saganaga, these will help:

The OASIS website: http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/

Here's a site with many links:

http://users.wpi.edu/~trek/aspergers.html

Asperger Syndrome Coalition of the US:

http://www.asperger.org/index_asc.html

You can also do a search for Yahoo Groups or Delphi Forums on Aspergers - there is a very good forum connected with the OASIS website listed above.

HUGS

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Thank you guys for this! My child was dx ADHD this school year after last year dx'd with depression. So much of what you guys are talking about SING at me! I never thought anything about it could be anythign else till DS's IEP meeting today and they were ready to say there is nothing we can do till we started compairing notes and putting some peices together and 3 of them said 'Aspergers' at the same time. Not saying he has it, but it makes so much sense. The website links are also helping give me some other ideas for how to deal with DS. Everything we have tried in the past hasn't worked and it does make sense based on what I have read today. LOL- I have read so much my head is spinning. He is meeting with the new psychiatrist tomorrow- I will definately bring it up.

Now, to get DH tested... lol.

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I was wondering if any of you have tried any diet changes to help alliviate AS syptoms. Any positive results?

We've just started the Feingold diet & I'm looking into a wheat or dairy free diet.

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I just want to jump in here if that's ok, I have two cousins with autism and aspergers and I think I have some pretty bad sensory issues. Smells and sounds bother me that don't bother anyone else. Tags, jewelry and my hair bother me immensly. My mom use to get highly annoyed that I had to have the creases in my socks straight or I wouldn't let her put my shoes on, this at 3 years old.

My dh wears 2 different socks or one inside out and it drives me NUTS!!! One night in bed I asked him to get me socks because my feet were cold and I heard him at the drawer giggling. I yelled, YOU BETTER GEt ME MATCHING SOCKS, he was laughing contemplating getting me two diff socks.

I had an extremely difficult time nursing because people touching me bothers me sometimes. I could go on and on. I know I don't have aspergers, but could I join this thread for support?

Corrie

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just poking in....

maybe some of you moms can help this mom....sort of an allied question to your thread...

http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=149349

tracy

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I'm 29. I haven't been formally diagnosed but doing all the research into my child's AS I kept finding how it described *me*. I'd always wondered what was "wrong" with me and now I know. :)

I cannot hold a conversation. I never know what to say. And when I do say something it's so far off tangent of whatever we may have been talking about.. I get lots of strange looks. lol I will never understand small talk, or skirting around the truth. Phrasing things tactfully. Waaaay beyond me!!

I also have the hardest time recognizing faces! It's so embarrassing and stressful. I can talk to someone for twenty minutes, and ten minutes later I wouldn't recognize them in passing. I have to remember clothes or hairstyle or a purse they are carrying or something..

I'm so glad to have found some Aspies!!

Erica

Mama to Ethan 7 AS

and Willow 4

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I'm a self-diagnosed Aspie. My official dx, years ago, was ADHD, but in comparing the 2, while there are a lot of similarites, the Aspergers symptoms fit me better. Sometimes it's fun.....it doesn't take much to amuse me, give me some kind of toy with a texture to it, and I'm busy for awhile. Somtimes it sucks......the clumsiness and social problems drive me nuts. Dh also has most of the symptoms. Which is probably why we get along so well, we understand each other. Not surprisingly, our youngest son, the only one that is genetically related to both of us, is autistic. It can make for entertaining conversations with his therapists. "What do you mean there is something "wrong" with smelling every object he picks up? Seems normal to me!" LOL

LOL I know! I drive my husband crazy when I find some little knick knack I have to have because I crave the color or the texture or just *something*.

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Eep! I totally forgot about this thread! Anyways I've been doing more research and I firmly believe that I do in fact have Aspergers. Actually I really have no doubt. It really explains alot about my kidhood and who I am today.

Does anyone else have a problem with empathy? I was telling my DH last night that I don't 'get' other people's problems. When someone is upset about something I am usually thinking about how it will affect me. It makes it very hard in parenting because when the kids need something or are upset about something that is infringing on 'my territory' (so to speak) I get really upset and cannot understand their side at all. It really makes DH mad and I can see it is starting to upset my child too. I AM trying but its hard.

I can so relate to all the stuff you've said. It would take me ages to list all my 'quirks' but a few noteable ones you've mentioned

- Noise. I can't stand little noises. I will lay awake at night panicking if there is water dripping off the eavestrough outside. My husband likes to have music playing all the time and it drives me nuts. I often have to turn it off and it makes him mad but I just can't take little noises. When I was younger we had a fish tank in the living room and I had to have the tv on full blast because all I could hear was the damn fish tank! I have to sleep with white noise because every little noise drives me nuts.

-People touching me. Sometimes I just can't stand to be touched! It makes it really hard with parenting because there are times when I have to forcefully push the kids off me and it makes them cry but I literally cannot stand to be touched sometimes. It makes my skin crawl. Lots of stuff makes my skin crawl.

SIB - From about age 12 to age 20 I was a cutter. I would cut my body with razor blades or knifes. Especially when I was upset about something. I stopped 6 months after my marriage when an incident occurred where my husband and I were in a big fight and I got really upset and went out to the living room (it was about 1 am) and started cutting my arms. He caught me and threatened to take me to the psych ward if I did it again. I still have to struggle not to do it.

There are so many other issues I couldn't discuss them all. Just a couple of other questions. Does anyone else have problems with telling too much personal information? I seem to say totally inappropriate things in social settings and I don't realize it until I really sit and think about it. It is really embarrassing. How do you do with making friends? I don't really have any. I have two - one from highschool and one from college but we don't live near each other, only talk on the phone usually. I have started many friendships since the kids were born, we'd make playdates but after a few times they don't want to get together with me anymore. I really don't understand what I'm doing wrong.

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I have the opposite problem with empathy. Sometimes I put myself in someone else's shoes too well. I over empathise. I also lose myself in other people's emotions. Most of the time I don't know what's mine and what is someone else's. But there are oftentimes when I too don't understand other's people's problems. It's not until the conversation is over and they've left that it hits me what they were trying to say and then it's too late.

Noise- noise really bothers me. Especially my child's vocal stims. I cannot concentrate and get completely overwhelmed trying to listen to someone speaking over any sort of noise-especially tv, radio or a/c units. I lose it when there is too much competing noise and it all gets jumbled. My husband can read a book while watching tv and listening to the radio while holding a conversation with me. That drives me absolutely to meltdown. It feels like being in a vaccuum.

People touching me-I have this too. I hate light touches, I have to rub them away. I like firm, hard squeezy touches. They help relax me. A stray hair on my skin somewhere overwhelms me and I MUST get it off. I can't concentrate on anything else but that hair.

SIB- I haven't given in to this urge in a long time. I too was a scraper (scraped until I bled) and a cutter. There was a time a year ago I had a complete meltdown and all I wanted to do was punch this bathroom mirror and use the pieces to cut my wrists. It obsessed me and it took all I had to fight it. I just wanted the emotional pain to stop, and physical pain heals..

I am totally the open book! It drives me very proper and 'hip' neighbor and perfect strangers to distraction. I've tried to learn from her about what is appropriate to share, how to phrase it.. I just don't get it.. How do you do small talk?

What you said about having friends sounds just like what I've gone through. I see people hanging out with GROUPS of friends. They have several friends that they are close to and they hang out. I never had that. I have acquaintances, or people who like that I'm kinda quirky and strange, but they aren't friends. We don't hang out or share our lives together.. I've kinda resolved myself to not ever understanding or having that.. I also sabotage things like that when I do get it. There have been several times that someone has tried to get close and it stressed and worried me so much to have to keep up the "normal" that I eventually just let them wander away to search somewhere else.. I get in my "wanna be alone" zone and it could last a day or weeks and NT's don't get that..

::hug I'm so glad to find I'm not alone!

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dropping in on your thread...looking for a little help

http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?p=1749136#post1749136

tracy

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my child has as. i suspect i do as well.

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I see myself a little in this thread, I always thought I was shy and quirky :LOL. I can't hold a conversation about anything really unless it's the kids. Maybe I am just out of the loop who knows.

My ds does the licking of things, I mean everything. He will lick dirty windows, cars, the floor, rocks, the worst one is when he picks up tossed out gum on the ground and puts it in his mouth :gross. We have tried to tell him it's dirty but it doesn't get through. I personally have always thought he had adhd/odd, we are getting him evaluated soon.

Noise doesn't bother him, he actually seems to crave loud things. If the microwave is on he has to be right infront of it. The tv has to be very loud, the computer volume when he plays a game has to be loud. He talks and yells very loudly. I on the other hand can't stand all the noise! I can handle the dishwasher being on but loud voices, tv etc drive me bonkers. It makes my head hurt and I can't think at all.

If I'm trying to type something important out for dh's work I can't have anyone talking to me, the kids have to be quiet in another room. I freak out and lose my train of thought and I can't even type at all.

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The other parent

Hi, I am new to this forum. But with good intention, and wonder. I maybe adopting a kid who could have Autism. The father of the kid has mild Aspergers. Does anyone know how likely the kids chances are of being autistic?

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ShaggyDaddy

wow, a very old thread with a new question.

It has been proven that Autistic parents have a higher chance of having autistic kids. It is heavily debated, but statistically a kid has a greater chance of being Autistic if 1) he is a boy, and 2) if he has autistic people in his genetic line.

For instance, in my family: Me, my brother, my mother, my father, my child and some of my nephews all have forms of Autism. Only some of the women in my family are affected, but almost all of the boys are. 

This is of course anecdotal, but in general Autism is genetic and it is more frequent in boys.

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Since autism is more rare in girls (or is it really? Or does it just present differently?) are your chances for another kid with autism raised if you have a female kid with ASD?

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Since autism is more rare in girls (or is it really? Or does it just present differently?) are your chances for another kid with autism raised if you have a female kid with ASD?

good point, I did not specify.. boys are more likely to be diagnosed, not necessarily more often autistic.

The genetic research is very incomplete and there is really only theory at this point. Really anything anyone says is anecdotal at this point.

But to speak to the question to is he going to be autistic... the answer is nobody can really know.

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Hi, I am new to this forum. But with good intention, and wonder. I maybe adopting a kid who could have Autism. The father of the kid has mild Aspergers. Does anyone know how likely the kids chances are of being autistic?

Autistics are more likely to have autistic kids, but of course not always. Research is inconclusive. Anecdotally, my father was (undx'ed) autistic; he had a neurotypical son and an autistic daughter (me). I have, of my biological kids, one autistic girl, one very neurotypical boy, and one possible/maybe/likely autistic girl. My neurotypical brother has an autistic daughter as well.

So, you should probably keep in mind the possibility...

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From my own observations, experience and research... it really just seems to be much more difficult to diagnose in females. A lot of it seems to be a difference between external and internal expression... if that makes sense. IE, males are more likely to act their frustrations out, while females are more likely to internalize it. Hopefully that doesn't sound offensive, I'm usually the very LAST person to make gender distinctions, but that really seems to be the case.

As far as the original question goes, I just don't think there would be any way to know at this point. How old is the kid?

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Brigianna-- You posted while I was typing. :)

I would just like to say... I am in love with your senior title!!!!

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From my own observations, experience and research... it really just seems to be much more difficult to diagnose in females. A lot of it seems to be a difference between external and internal expression... if that makes sense. IE, males are more likely to act their frustrations out, while females are more likely to internalize it.

This is certainly anecdotally true in my family.

Brigianna-- You posted while I was typing. :)

I would just like to say... I am in love with your senior title!!!!

:lol thanks... most people don't get it.

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Hi, I am Sheila, new to this board but not to MDC.... my 12 year old son was Diagnosed with aspergers (sp?) 2 months ago. My 6 year old son is being tested now (thru the school) . My Dh has not been diagnosed I don't think he would go for the testing but I am about 100% sure he has it... I think he has some other issues as well- maybe depression... and anger issues. He totally can't read clues. He is a very challenging man to be with. We alsomost split up last year and in a lot of ways I kind of wish we had gone thru with it.

Anyway- about the dishwasher- we got one with a timer feature and I can set it to go on in the middle of the night when I am sound asleep, it is great! I don't know what I've got but the dishwasher, floresecent lights kill me!!! I especilly hate the lawn mower and the snow blower and the way my Dh starts adn stops them each like a million times. Each start and stop feels like an ice pick tp the head...

I am glad to have found this forum. I have 3 kids, all with differnt things going on... Oldest DS (12)with Aspergers and disgrphia (illegible hand writing at age 12) middle kid (DS age 6) had speach delays and he has something going on, so I am glad they are testing him and my DDd is 2 and she freaks out in stores, has to be carried all the time- at 30 lbs! And she has sensory issues as well as being non verbal. She gets help from Birth-3.

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I don't know what I've got but the dishwasher, floresecent lights kill me!!! I especilly hate the lawn mower and the snow blower and the way my Dh starts adn stops them each like a million times. Each start and stop feels like an ice pick tp the head...

Fluorescent lights....the ones with the electronic ballast are MUCH better than the old kind. They are coming out with more of the electronic ballast kind now. The old kind, in addition to the annoying flicker, also emits high levels of electromagnetic radiation...some of us can feel that.

Lawn mower... DH has a cordless electric kind. MUCH quieter, and the sounds are at a somewhat higher frequency, than the loud gas-powered ones, especially w/ the house windows shut. Now if I could only get all the neighbors to use an electric one, too :p When we had a smaller yard, we had a push reel mower. Now THAT was great, it sounded like a librarian... "shhh, shhh, shhh..."

How to Live With Aspergers: A Message to Aspergers Teens

Are you a teenager with Aspergers?  Then this message is for YOU:

Living with Aspergers has been described as being born on the wrong planet, because people diagnosed with this disorder have to learn to live with “Neuro-Typicals” (i.e., people who do not have Aspergers). Those with this syndrome display intense interests at the cost of socialization skills.

Here are some tips on how to develop social skills:

1. Consult a psychologist, licensed social worker or a psychiatrist to learn more about Aspergers. As therapists they develop a treatment plan to assist with daily living.

2. Use the treatment plan to develop social skills. Some of the things practiced may include how to converse with people in different social situations.

3. Learn when it is appropriate to touch people. Practice what you learned and try to follow the treatment plan recommendations.

4. Learn which specific aspects of Aspergers give you the most trouble, and try to work around them.

5. Try to behave in a manner that is seen as acceptable. Allow enough of your uniqueness through to intrigue people, but try to keep most of it under control.

6. Talk “with” people – don't "talk at" them. A good ratio in a one on one conversation is to listen about 60% of the time and talk about 30%. Try not to talk for more than five to ten minutes at a time. Let the other person, or people, set the pace of the conversation.

7. Memorize people's behavior when they are distressed. Ask friends how actions may have caused distress. Ask friends how to prevent causing distress in the future.

8. Join some clubs that feature activities of interest. People with Aspergers tend to be interested in a few narrow activities, and uninterested in anything outside of them.

9. Maintain eye contact, but do not stare. The best way to achieve eye contact is to look at their left eye briefly and then shift to their right eye.

10. Remember, some agencies have special social and support groups for people with Aspergers. Look around to see if there is one around you and join one! This will give you a safe place to make friends and learn social skills.

More Tips—

• Do not discuss sensitive topics. Again the treatment plan will discuss how to approach sensitive issues.
• Learn to play cards, chess, or other popular games, and join people who can play them.
• Find someone to tutor you in a game.
• Practice social skills while learning how to play the game.
• Learn how to "lose" a game in such a way that it is not obvious that it was intentional.
• People may sometimes think you are lying, even when you are being truthful. The best way to avoid this is to always tell the truth to the best of your ability. For example, if you do not know the correct answer to a question, respond accordingly.
• Since you don't always pick up cues about other people's feelings, it's smart to ask if they are interested or have time to listen before you launch into an involved discussion of your favorite topic.
• When someone is talking about a problem in their life, they don't necessarily want to know how to solve it, even if you have the answer. Instead, ask them how they feel about the situation or what they have already tried or are considering. Asking lets them know you care and respects their ability to solve their own problems.

Good luck! You can do it!! I’ve got faith in you!!!

Paxil for Treating Aspergers Symptoms?

Question

My 14 y.o. daughter was prescribed Paxil for anxiety prior to receiving an Aspergers diagnosis. She has taking the meds for about 6 months and the dosage has been increased from 20 to 30 mg. She has become increasingly verbally abusive outside the home to authority figures and was hospitalized for suicidal ideas recently. The doctor at the hospital suggested we change her medication, however her outpatient doctor has "no problem" with Paxil, should I get a second opinion?

Answer

I would definitely get a second opinion (preferably from a Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist with experience in working specifically with Aspergers individuals). Paxil is used to treat depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, anxiety disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder, and premenstrual dysphoric disorder. Now that your daughter has the diagnosis of Aspergers, other treatment methods should come into play, for example, cognitive-behavioral therapy, parent education and training, social skills training, and educational interventions.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns in Aspergers Children/Teens

Aspergers: Treatment and Intervention

Aspergers (AS) is a developmental disorder characterized by difficulties in social interaction, and restricted and unusual patterns of interest and behavior. This post is an attempt to summarize a series of concrete proposals for treatment and intervention, with a view to provide moms and dads and care providers with specific suggestions that may be helpful in devising educational and treatment programs for kids and adolescents affected by this form of social learning disability.

Every treatment and intervention program starts with a thorough assessment of the youngster’s deficit and assets in the context of a trans-disciplinary evaluation including assessments of behavioral (or psychiatric) history and current presentation, neuropsychological functioning, communication patterns (particularly the use of language for the purpose of social interaction, or Pragmatics), and adaptive functioning (the person’s ability to translate potential into competence in meeting the demands of everyday life).

The final formulation should include a characterization of the youngster’s deficits and abilities in these various areas. The actual diagnostic assignment should be the final step in the evaluation. Labels are necessary in order to secure services and guarantee a level of sophistication in addressing the youngster’s needs. The assignment of a label, however, should be done in a thoughtful way, so as to minimize stigmatization and avoid unwarranted assumptions. Every youngster is different. If one were to observe a group of people with Aspergers, one would probably be more impressed by how they differ than by how they are alike.

Therefore, it is absolutely crucial that intervention programs derived from comprehensive evaluations are individualized to insure that they address the unique profile of needs and strengths exhibited by the given youngster. The psychiatric label should never be assumed to convey a precise preconceived set of behaviors and needs. Its main function is to convey an overall sense of the pattern of difficulties present. Professionals should never start a discussion of the youngster’s needs by evoking the label. Rather, they should provide a detailed description of evaluation findings that resulted in the diagnosis of Aspergers. A discussion of any inconsistency with the diagnosis, as well as of the clinician’s level of confidence is assigning that diagnosis should also be provided.

The following set of guidelines reflects our clinical and research experience with Aspergers in the past few years. It should not be applied in specific cases without a thoughtful discussion of the individual youngster’s profile. The specific guidelines should be seen as a series of suggestions to be considered when planning for the person’s educational, treatment, and vocational program.

In sum: Do not take the diagnosis of Aspergers for granted – ask for details and for the individualized profile of your youngster; do not accept a discussion of your youngster’s profile that does not include strengths that may be utilized in the intervention program; and do not accept an intervention program that is based solely on the diagnosis – ask for the development of an appropriate program on the basis of your youngster’s profile, his/her educational setting or living conditions, and realistic short-term and long-term goals.

Some Guidelines for Treatment and Intervention—

The authorities that decide on entitlement to services are usually unaware of the extent and significance of the disabilities in Aspergers. Proficient verbal skills, overall IQ usually within the normal or above normal range, and a solitary life style often mask outstanding deficiencies observed primarily in novel or otherwise socially demanding situations, thus decreasing the perception of the very salient needs for supportive intervention. Thus, active participation on the part of the clinician, together with moms and dads and possibly an advocate, to forcefully pursue the patient’s eligibility for services is needed. It appears that, in the past; many people with ASPERGERS were diagnosed as learning disabled with eccentric features, a non-psychiatric diagnostic label that is much less effective in securing services. Others, who were given the diagnosis of autism or PDD-NOS, had often to contend with educational programs designed for much lower functioning kids, thus failing to have their relative strengths and unique disabilities properly addressed.

Yet another group of people with ASPERGERS are sometimes characterized as exhibiting “Social-Emotional Maladjustment” (SEM), an educational label that is often associated with conduct problems and willful maladaptive behaviors. These people are often placed in educational settings for people with conduct disorders, thus allowing for possibly the worst mismatch possible, namely of people with a very naïve understanding of social situations in a mix with those who can and do manipulate social situations to their advantage without the benefit of self-restraint.

It is very important, therefore, to stress that although people with ASPERGERS often present with maladaptive and disruptive behaviors in social settings, these are often a result of their narrow and overly concrete understanding of social phenomena, and the resultant overwhelming puzzlement they experience when required to meet the demands of interpersonal life. Therefore, the social problems exhibited by people with ASPERGERS should be addressed in the context of a thoughtful and comprehensive intervention needed to address their social disability – as a curriculum need, rather than punishable, willful behaviors deserving suspensions or other reprimands that in fact mean very little to them, and only exacerbate their already poor self-esteem.

Situations that maximize the significance of the disability include unstructured social situations (particularly with same age peers), and novel situations requiring intuitive or quick-adjusting social problem-solving skills. Therefore, it is important that any evaluation intended to ascertain the need for special services include detail interviews with moms and dads and professionals knowledgeable of the youngster in naturalistic settings (such as home and school), and, if possible; direct observations of the youngster in unstructured periods such as recess or otherwise unsupervised settings.

General intervention setting—

The applicable educational ideologies as well as quality of available services vary enormously from school district to school district, across the Country as well as within the various states and sometimes across time for the same school district. It is very important that moms and dads become well acquainted with the following factors involved in securing appropriate placement and programming for their youngster.

1. Knowledge of model programs: moms and dads should make an effort to locate programs (public or private) that are thought to provide high quality services according to local experts, parent support organizations, or other parents. Regardless of whether or not they would like for their youngster to be placed in that program, a visit to it may provide moms and dads with a model and criteria with which to judge the appropriateness of the local program offered to them.

2. Knowledge of the PPT (Planning and Placement Team) process: it is crucial that moms and dads become acquainted with the PPT process so as to become effective advocates for their kids. They should be counseled by clinicians, parent advocates, or legal aides as to their rights as moms and dads of kids with disabilities, and as to the alternatives available to them. Parents should attempt to avoid a confrontational or adversarial approach in the same way that they should avoid complacency and passivity. Moms and dads should know that the legal mandate is provision of “appropriate services” to their kids. Note that this does not mean the best, nor the most expensive. If parents or their representatives approach the PPT process demanding the latter, they may be seen as preempting both the due examination of the youngster’s needs by the school district authorities, as well as the actual decision.

Experience has shown that the most efficacious approach is to secure independent evaluations (to which you should be entitled) of both the youngster’s needs and any programs offered by the school district, and to present the case for appropriate programming based on evaluation findings and recommendations. In a great number of cases, the final decision is beneficial, as most educational providers are eager to serve their clients to the best of their abilities. In fact, across the country, a number of service providers are making a special attempt to better acquaint themselves with the special needs of kids with social learning disabilities, to train themselves and their staff, and to creatively establish better individualized programs. Nevertheless, if moms and dads are met with unreasonable uncooperativeness, they should seek the advice of other parents or of parent advocates, and even, if necessary; resort to the services of lawyers experienced in the area of disabilities.

3. The range of services available in their school district: moms and dads should make an attempt to visit the various suggested educational placements and service providers available in their school districts so as to obtain first-hand knowledge and feelings about them, including the physical setting, staffing, adult/student ratio, range of special/support services, and so forth.

The following are positive program specifications to be kept in mind when deciding on appropriate placements and programs for people with ASPERGERS. They may not be applicable to every person with ASPERGERS, nor are they feasible in some parts of the country. Nevertheless, they may be seen as optimal conditions to keep in mind when dealing with program specifications:

1. A concern for the acquisition of real-life skills in addition to the academic goals, making use of creative initiatives and making full use of the person’s interests and talents. For example, given the fact that people with ASPERGERS often excel in certain activities, social situations may be constructed so as to allow him or her the opportunity to take the leadership in the activity, explaining, demonstrating, or teaching others how to improve in the particular activity.

Such situations are ideal to help the person with ASPERGERS (a) take the perspective of others; (b) follow conversation and social interaction rules, and (c) follow coherent and less one-sided goal-directed behaviors and approaches. Additionally, by taking the leadership in an activity, the person’s self-esteem is likely to be enhanced, and his/her *usually disadvantageous) position vis-à-vis peers is for once reversed.

2. A willingness to adapt the curriculum content and requirements in order to flexibly provide opportunities for success, to foster the acquisition of a more positive self-concept, and to foster an internalized investment in performance and progress. This may mean that the person with ASPERGERS is provided with individual challenges in his/her areas of strengths, and with individualized programs in his/her areas of weakness.

3. Opportunities for social interaction and facilitation of social relationships in fairly structured and supervised activities.

4. Relatively small setting with ample opportunity for individual attention, individualized approach, and small work group.

5. The availability of a communication specialist with a special interest in pragmatics and social skills training, who can be available for individual and small group work, and who can also make a communication and social skills training intervention an integral part of all activities, implemented at all times, consistently, and across staff members, settings, and situations. This professional should also act as a resource to the other staff members.

6. The availability of a sensitive counselor who can focus on the person’s emotional well being, and who could serve as a coordinator of services, monitoring progress, serving as a resource to other staff members, and providing effective and supportive liaison with the family.

General Intervention Strategies—

Specific interventions, e.g. teaching practices and approaches, behavioral management techniques, strategies for emotional support, and activities intended to foster social and communication competence, should be conceived and implemented in a thoughtful, consistent (across setting, staff members, and situations), and individualized manner. More importantly, the benefit (or lack thereof) of specific recommendations should be assessed in an empirical fashion (i.e., based on an evaluation of events observed, documented or charted), with useful strategies being maintained and unhelpful ones discarded so as to promote a constant adjustment of the program to the specific conditions of the individual youngster with ASPERGERS.

The following items can be seen as tentative suggestion to be considered when discussing optimal approaches to be adopted. It should be noted, however; that there are degrees of concreteness and rigidity, paucity of insight, social awkwardness, communicative one-sidedness, and so forth, characterizing people with ASPERGERS. Care providers should embrace the wide range of expression and complexity of the disorder, avoiding dogmatism in favor of practical, individualized, and common-sensual clinical judgment. The following suggestions should be seen in this context:

1. Adaptive skills intended to increase the person’s self-sufficiency should be taught explicitly with no assumption that general explanations might suffice nor that he/she will be able to generalize from one concrete situation to similar ones. Frequently occurring problematic situations should be addressed by teaching the person verbally the exact sequence of appropriate actions that will result in an effective behavior. Rule sequences for e.g., shopping, using transportation, etc., should be taught verbally and repeatedly rehearsed with the help of the interventionist and other people involved in the person’s care.

There should be constant coordination and communication between all those involved so that these routines are reinforced in the same way and with little variation between the various people. Verbal instructions, rote planning and consistency are essential. A list of specific behaviors to be taught may be derived from results obtained with the Vineland Adaptive Behavior Scales, Expanded Edition, which assess adaptive behavior skills in the areas of Communication, Daily Living (self-help) Skills, Socialization, and Motor Skills.

2. Additional teaching guidelines should be derived from the person’s neuro-psychological profile of assets and deficits; specific intervention techniques should be similar to those usually employed for many subtypes of learning disabilities, with an effort to circumvent the identified difficulties by means of compensatory strategies, usually of a verbal nature.

For example, if significant motor, sensory-integration or visual-motor deficits are corroborated during the evaluation, the person with ASPERGERS should receive physical and occupational therapies. These latter should not only focus on traditional techniques designed to remediate motor deficits, sensory integration or visual-motor deficits, but should also reflect an effort to integrate these activities with learning of visual-spatial concepts, visual-spatial orientation and causation, time concepts, and body awareness, making use of narratives and verbal self-guidance.

3. Generalization of learned strategies and social concepts should be instructed, from the therapeutic setting to everyday life (e.g., to examine some aspects of a person’s physical characteristics as well as to retain full names in order to enhance knowledge of that person and facilitate interaction in the future).

4. Self-evaluation should be encouraged. Awareness should be gained into which situations are easily managed and which are potentially troublesome. This is especially important with respect to perceiving the need to use pre-learned strategies in appropriate situations. Self-evaluation should also be used to strengthen self-esteem and maximize situations in which success can be achieved. People with ASPERGERS often have many cognitive strengths and interests that can be used to the person’s advantage in specific situations as well as in planning for the future.

5. Skills, concepts, appropriate procedures should be taught in an explicit and rote fashion using a parts-to-whole verbal teaching approach, where the verbal steps are in the correct sequence for the behavior to be effective.

6. Social awareness should be cultivated, focusing on the relevant aspects of given situations, and pointing out the irrelevancies contained therein. Discrepancies between the person’s perceptions regarding the situation in question and the perceptions of other should be made explicit.

7. Specific problem-solving strategies should be taught for handling the requirements of frequently occurring troublesome situations. Training should also be necessary for recognizing situations as troublesome and applying learned strategies in discrepant situations.

8. The ability to interpret visual information simultaneously with auditory information should be strengthened, since it is important not only to be able to interpret other people’s nonverbal behavior correctly but also to interpret what is being said in conjunction with these nonverbal cues.

9. The person with ASPERGERS should be instructed on how to identify a novel situation and to resort to a pre-planned, well rehearsed list of steps to be taken. This list should involve a description of the situation, retrieval of pertinent knowledge and step-by-step decision-making. When the situation permits (another item to be explicitly defined), one of these steps might be reliance on a friend’s or adult’s advice, including a telephone consultation.

10. The link between specific frustrating or anxiety-provoking experiences and negative feelings should be taught to the person with ASPERGERS in a concrete, cause-effect fashion, so that he/she is able to gradually gain some measure of insight into his/her feelings. Also, the awareness of the impact of his/her actions on other people’s feelings should be fostered in the same fashion.

11. To enhance the person’s ability to compensate for typical difficulties processing visual sequences, particularly when these involve social themes, by making use of equally typical verbal strengths.

General Strategies for Communication Intervention and Social Skills Training—

For most people with ASPERGERS, the most important item of the educational curriculum and treatment strategy involves the need to enhance communication and social competence. This emphasis does not reflect a societal pressure for conformity or an attempt to stifle individuality and uniqueness. Rather, this emphasis reflects the clinical fact that most people with ASPERGERS are not loners by choice, and that there is a tendency, as kids develop towards adolescence, for despondency, negativism, and sometimes, clinical depression, as a result of the person’s increasing awareness of personal inadequacy in social situations, and repeated experiences of failure to make and/or maintain relationships.

The typical limitations of insight and self-reflection vis-a`-vis others often preclude spontaneous self-adjustment to social and interpersonal demands. The practice of communication and social skills do not imply the eventual acquisition of communicative or social spontaneity and naturalness. It does, however, better prepare the person with ASPERGERS to cope with social and interpersonal expectations, thus enhancing their attractiveness as conversational partners or as potential friends or companions. The following are suggestions intended to foster relevant skills in this important area:

1. The person with ASPERGERS should be taught to monitor his/her own speech style in terms of volume, rhythm, naturalness, adjusting depending on proximity to the speaker, context and social situation, and number of people and background noise.

2. The person with ASPERGERS should be helped to recognize and use a range of different means to interact, mediate, negotiate, persuade, discuss, and disagree through verbal means. In terms of formal properties of language, the person may benefit from help in thinking about idiomatic language that can only be understood in its own right, and practice in identifying them in both text and conversation. It is important to help the person to develop the ability to make inferences, to predict, to explain motivation, and to anticipate multiple outcomes so as to increase the flexibility with which the person both thinks about and uses language with other people.

3. The effort to develop the person’s skills with peers in terms of managing social situations should be a priority. This should include topic management, the ability to expand and elaborate on a range of different topics initiated by others, shifting topics, ending topics appropriately and feeling comfortable with a range of topics that are typically discussed by same-age peers.

4. Explicit verbal instructions on how to interpret other people’s social behavior should be taught and exercised in a rote fashion. The meaning of eye contact, gaze, various inflections as well as tone of voice, facial and hand gestures, non-literal communications such as humor, figurative language, irony, sarcasm and metaphor, should all be taught in a fashion not unlike the teaching of a foreign language, i.e., all elements should be made verbally explicit and appropriately and repeatedly drilled. The same principles should guide the training of the person’s expressive skills. Concrete situations should be exercised in the therapeutic setting and gradually tried out in naturally occurring situations. All those in close contact with the people with ASPERGERS should be made aware of the program so that consistency, monitoring and contingent reinforcement are maximized.

Of particular importance, encounters with unfamiliar people (e.g., making acquaintances) should be rehearsed until the person is made aware of the impact of his/her behavior on other people’s reactions to him/her. Techniques such as practicing in front of a mirror, listening to the recorded speech, watching a video recorded behavior, and so forth, should all be incorporated in this program. Social situations contrived in the therapeutic setting that usually require reliance on visual-receptive and other nonverbal skills for interpretation should be used and strategies for deciphering the most salient nonverbal dimensions inherent in these situations should be offered.

General Guidelines for Behavior Management—

People with ASPERGERS often exhibit different forms of challenging behavior. It is crucial that these behaviors are not seen as willful or malicious; rather, they should be viewed as connected to the person’s disability and treated as such by means of thoughtful, therapeutic, and educational strategies, rather than by simplistic and inconsistent punishment or other disciplinary measures that imply the assumption of deliberate misconduct. Specific problem-solving strategies, usually following a verbal rule, may be taught for handling the requirements of frequently occurring, troublesome situations (e.g., involving novelty, intense social demands, or frustration). Training is usually necessary for recognizing situations as troublesome and for selecting the best available learned strategy to use in such situations. The following are some suggestions on how to approach behavioral management in the case of people with ASPERGERS:

1. Helping the person with ASPERGERS make choices: There should not be an assumption that the person with ASPERGERS makes informed decisions based on his/her own set of elaborate likes and dislikes. Rather he/she should be helped to consider alternatives of action or choices, as well as their consequences (e.g., rewards and displeasure) and associated feelings. The need for such an artificial set of guidelines is a result of the person’s typical poor intuition and knowledge of self.

2. Setting limits: a list of frequent problematic behaviors such a preservations, obsessions, interrupting, or any other disruptive behaviors should be made and specific guidelines devised to deal with them whenever the behaviors arise. It is often helpful that these guidelines are discussed with the person with ASPERGERS in an explicit, rule-governed fashion, so that clear expectations are set and consistency across adults, settings and situations is maintained.

These explicit rules should be not unlike curriculum guidelines. The explicit approach should be devised based on the staff’s ongoing experiences, determined empirically, and discussed in team meetings. An effort should be made to establish as much as possible all possible (though few) contingencies and guidelines for limit setting so that each staff member does not need to improvise and thus possibly trigger the person’s oppositionality or a temper tantrum. When listing the problematic behaviors, it is important that these are specified in a hierarchy of priorities, so that staff and the person himself/herself concentrate on a small number of truly disruptive behaviors (to others or to self).

Academic Curriculum—

The curriculum content should be decided based on long-term goals, so that the utility of each item is evaluated in terms of its long-term benefits for the person’s socialization skills, vocational potential, and quality of life. Emphasis should be placed on skills that correspond to relative strengths for the person as well as skills that may be viewed as central for the person’s future vocational life (e.g., writing skills, computer skills, science). If the person has an area of special interest that is not as circumscribed and unusual so as to prevent utilization in prospective employment, such an interest or talent should be cultivated in a systematic fashion, helping the person learn strategies of learning (e.g., library, computerized data bases, Internet, etc.).

Specific projects can be set as part of the person’s credit-gathering, and specific mentorships (topic-related) can be established with staff members or people in the community. It is often useful to emphasize the utilization of computer resources, with a view to (a) compensate for typical difficulties in grapho-motor skills, (b) to foster motivation in self-taught strategies of learning, including the use of “on-line” resources, and (c) to establish contact via electronic mail with other people who share some interests, a more non-threatening form of social contact that may evolve into relationships, including personal contact.

Vocational Training—

Often, adults with ASPERGERS may fail to meet entry requirements (e.g., a college-degree) for jobs in their area of training, or fail to attain a job because of their poor interview skills, social disabilities, eccentricities, or anxiety attacks. Having failed to secure skilled employment (commensurate with their level of instruction and training), sometimes these people may be helped by well-meaning friends or relatives to find a manual job. As a result of their typically very poor visual-motor skills they may once again fail, leading to devastating emotional implications. It is important, therefore; that people with ASPERGERS are trained for and placed in jobs for which they are not neuro-psychologically impaired, and in which they will enjoy a certain degree of support and shelter.

It is also preferable that the job does not involve intensive social demands. As originally emphasized by Hans Asperger, there is a need to foster the development of existent talents and special interests in a way as to transform them into marketable skills. However, this is only part of the task to secure (and maintain) a work placement. Equal attention should be paid to the social demands defined by the nature of the jobs, including what to do during meal breaks, contact with the public or co-workers, or any other unstructured activity requiring social adjustment or improvisation.

Self-Support—

As people with ASPERGERS are usually self-described loners despite an often intense wish to make friends and have a more active social life, there is a need to facilitate social contact within the context of an activity-oriented group (e.g., church communities, hobby clubs, and self-support groups). The little experience available with the latter suggests that people with ASPERGERS enjoy the opportunity to meet others with similar problems and may develop relationships around an activity or subject of share interest.

Pharmacotherapy—

Although little information about pharmacological interventions with people with ASPERGERS is available, a conservative approach based on the evidence from autism should probably be adopted. In general, pharmacological interventions with young kids are probably best avoided. Specific medication might be indicated if ASPERGERS is accompanied by debilitating depressive symptoms, severe obsessions and compulsions, or a thought disorder. It is important for moms and dads to know that medications are prescribed for the treatment of specific symptoms, and not to treat the disorder as a whole.

Psychotherapy—

Although insight-oriented psychotherapy has not been shown to be very helpful, it does appear that fairly focused and structured counseling can be very useful for people with ASPERGERS, particularly in the context of overwhelming experiences of sadness or negativism, anxiety, family functioning, frustration in regard to vocational goals and placement, and ongoing social adjustment.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook