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Mother Tells Her “Aspergers-related” Story

My son has a very mild case of Aspergers , but I have always held him to a high standard of behavior especially in regards to other kids… you hit/bite you get a time out, privileges taken etc.

My boyfriend has 2 children 7 and 8. The 8 yr old is mildly autistic. I have 3 family members who are autistic (all on the more severe side) so I have some experience in this, so dating him didn’t phase me at first.

He does not discipline them at all. His son plays "chicken" when my 11 yr old is mowing… almost gets run over, my son swerves to miss him and runs over some flowers, and I think my boyfriend was more upset about the flowers than the fact that his son caused it by jumping in front of the tractor.

We had a bonfire, and his son kept playing in the fire, waving smoldering sticks and waving them around, running at and near the fire.....if I hadn’t said anything I believe my boyfriend would have ignored all of this even when his son tripped and almost fell into the fire, had MY SON not caught him in time.

The kicker...his son bit my son who is 11, the next day. My son did not retaliate, went to the bathroom to look at the bite and have a bit of a cry. No punishment, no time out in fact his son was allowed to play video games 2 minutes later.

My boyfriend says, he gets that way… ummm so did my kids when they were 2 or 3. My nephews were never allowed to bite, hit, and play with fire. He doesn’t want to be "mean to his kids".

I’m kinda at a loss. I saw my sister raise a severely autistic child, with the full line of issues, behaviors, and social problems.

I think it’s just lazy parenting. His son is capable of behaving… he goes to day care and school and hasn’t bitten. He doesn’t run out in front of cars or ride his bike in a dangerous manner.

My Aspergers Child
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I suspect my husband has Aspergers. What should I do?

Question

I suspect my husband has Aspergers. What should I do?

Answer

Approaching your spouse with the idea that he may have Aspergers (high-functioning autism) can result in two completely different responses. Either he is concerned and interested in pursuing an answer to some obvious issues, or he is in complete denial. He may even decide that the problem stems from you.

In all honesty, most individuals with Aspergers are well aware that they don’t process things like other individuals. Relationships of any variety have been difficult since childhood. Sensory issues have plagued them, like noises others don’t hear and lights that others can ignore. The way they carry themselves seems less than graceful to fairly clumsy. Their obsessions overtake any attempt at normal social conversation. Yes, they know they are quirky, but have no concept of the reasons behind these differences.

Let’s assume that your spouse knows that something is different about the way he interprets life. In this case, he may be searching for the reason and welcome your involvement. You can find resources on the Internet that will help you understand him better and decide what action you both need to take, if any. On the Internet you can find articles that describe Aspergers in terms that he can relate to, and also several mini-evaluations that can help him decide if he wants to pursue a diagnosis.

Now let’s assume that he denies the possibility of Aspergers. As his wife, you have to respect his decision to keep things the way they are. But, this doesn’t mean you have to join him in denial. If you are married to a suspected adult with Aspergers, you can use a little help yourself to cope with his eccentric behavior. In either circumstance, the advice is virtually the same.

Contact your local chapter of any Autism or Aspergers support association. They offer assistance in all areas: therapy, steps to a diagnosis, family support, spouse support. Once you find the resources and support you need for yourself, you will be able to pass your knowledge on to your spouse. How you relay this knowledge, either directly or indirectly, depends on his response to the subject of Aspergers.

Living With Aspergers: Help for Couples
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The 14 yr old has been having meltdowns and the 16 yr old is reacting to them...

Question

I'm in the middle of a separation that has many levels of drama and it's taking me a lot to manage. Meanwhile, I have 4 children - 3 boys and a girl. I have a teen that is on the Autism spectrum and one 2 yrs older. The 14 yr old has been having meltdowns and the 16 yr old is reacting to them which only escalates things in to fist fights and hole punches in my walls and asking for the male neighbors to come over and support me to bring order. The older one is suffering from the loss of his dad who at the same time resents for what he feels he suffered in abuse at his hands but, longs for him. It's just so much and I'm concerned that things will totally break before I can figure how to get past everyone’s hurt and now resentments and anger with each other. Help!!!!


Answer

Re: Siblings reacting to meltdowns...

Having a youngster with any type of developmental disability can be very stressful for the parents and the siblings of that youngster. This may be seen to be even more so at times for kids with (physically) hidden syndromes like ASD [High-Functioning Autism].

Kids with physical disabilities have a more visible and obvious disability. Whereas kids on the autistic spectrum tend to look exactly like other kids but can behave very differently.

For siblings this behavior can be difficult to understand even when they are aware of their sibling's autism. Many siblings can think of their autistic sibling as simply naughty or rude – particularly if they are quite young and unable to fully understand the issues involved.

Siblings may often feel embarrassed around peers, frustrated by not having the type of relationship with their sibling that they wanted or expected, and/or angry that the youngster with ASD requires so much of the parents' time. This can often mean the youngster not wanting to ask friends over to play, as they fear their sibling may embarrass them.

It is hard enough for parents of the youngster with ASD to understand why their youngster has this syndrome, much less why they behave the way they do.

Teach siblings about the disorder to the extent that they are able to understand. Let them know that it is okay to be frustrated with their sibling who is affected, but it won't help their relationship.

Let siblings know what that youngster needs, again to the extent that they can understand and provide as normal of an environment as possible. Try to make this as concrete as possible, and provide real life examples of what you mean that they can follow and relate to.

Obviously some family dynamics can make this tricky - but try to make some special parent-child time with the non-autistic sibling at least weekly.

In order to do this you may need to look to your family, friends or local social services to offer the youngster with autism somewhere to go for some respite (while you can then do some activity with their sibling).

This may mean staying in and watching a video or just chilling out in peace. Or it could involve a set activity like swimming, the cinema, walking, shopping etc. Whatever it is try to make it youngster-focused so that your youngster gets to determine what you do (within reason!)

It is often tempting to coddle the youngster with developmental disabilities, like ASD, and expect the other kids to do so as well. But, the youngster on the spectrum will benefit and learn social skills from their siblings as well, and they should be entitled to a reasonable amount of sibling rivalry as well as any other youngster.

You don't want to deny the youngster with ASD the typical childhood, which includes fighting over toys and television shows. These formative sibling relationships and experiences have a major effect on kids as they grow up (regardless of autism).

So to summarize, siblings need to know enough about their brother or sister's issues to give them an understanding at their level. They also need to know that it is OK to feel some negative emotions at times toward their sibling, and where ever possible, they need a little "special" time with you on their own.

 
Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
 
 
More articles for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the ASD child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually.

Click here to read the full article…

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Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's or HFA child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and your child are totally exhausted. But... don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

Click here for the full article...

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Although Aspergers [high-functioning autism] is at the milder end of the autism spectrum, the challenges parents face when disciplining a teenager on the spectrum are more difficult than they would be with an average teen. Complicated by defiant behavior, the teen is at risk for even greater difficulties on multiple levels – unless the parents’ disciplinary techniques are tailored to their child's special needs.

Click here to read the full article…

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Your older teenager or young “adult child” isn’t sure what to do, and he is asking you for money every few days. How do you cut the purse strings and teach him to be independent? Parents of teens with ASD face many problems that other parents do not. Time is running out for teaching their adolescent how to become an independent adult. As one mother put it, "There's so little time, yet so much left to do."

Click here to read the full article…

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Two traits often found in kids with High-Functioning Autism are “mind-blindness” (i.e., the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others) and “alexithymia” (i.e., the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in others). These two traits reduce the youngster’s ability to empathize with peers. As a result, he or she may be perceived by adults and other children as selfish, insensitive and uncaring.

Click here to read the full article...

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Become an expert in helping your child cope with his or her “out-of-control” emotions, inability to make and keep friends, stress, anger, thinking errors, and resistance to change.

Click here for the full article...
 
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A child with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) can have difficulty in school because, since he fits in so well, many adults may miss the fact that he has a diagnosis. When these children display symptoms of their disorder, they may be seen as defiant or disruptive.

Click here for the full article...
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Can Aspergers be treated? Yes!

Is there a cure for Aspergers?

No. Aspergers (high-functioning autism) can currently not be cured and the condition is life-long. However, with correct treatment and therapy, many people with Aspergers can go on to lead normal lives and may even excel in certain areas of occupational functioning.

Can Aspergers be treated?

Yes, most definitely! However, because Aspergers is a relatively new diagnosis in the field of developmental psychology and psychiatry, many treatment approaches are still in the developmental stages and lots of work still needs to be done in this area. One thing has definitely been established - the sooner treatment begins - the better! This applies especially to remedial, educational and therapeutic intervention. While there is no specific treatment or 'cure' for Aspergers, there are many interventions which can significantly improve the functioning and quality of life of people and kids with Aspergers.

Social Skills Training—

This should be one of the most important components of a treatment program. Kids with Aspergers can be helped to learn social skills by an experienced psychologist. Body language and nonverbal communication can be taught in much the same way as one would teach a foreign language. Kids with Aspergers can learn to interpret nonverbal expressions of emotion and social interaction. This can assist them with social interaction and peer relationships and prevent the isolation and depression that often occurs as they enter adolescence. Teenagers can sometimes benefit from group therapy and can be taught how to use the teenage 'slang' and language forms of their peer groups.

Educational Intervention—

Because kids with Aspergers may differ widely in terms of IQ and ability levels, schools should learn to individualize educational programs for these kids. Some of them may cope well in a mainstream class with additional support, while others may need to receive specialized education. In all cases, teachers should be aware of the special needs of Aspergers kids, who often need a great deal more support than first appears necessary.

Psychotherapy—

Psychotherapeutic approaches which focus on supportive therapy, the teaching of social skills and concrete behavioral techniques are more effective than approaches which concentrate on emotional in depth therapy, which may be too uncomfortable and stressful for the person with Aspergers. Kids can benefit from play therapy and 'story' therapy aimed at raising awareness of nonverbal communication, development and teaching of empathy and learning of social skills.

Diet—

Although there is no conclusive evidence, there are strong suggestions that changes in diet may significantly reduce the symptoms of some kids with Aspergers. Many moms and dads report that their kids become much more manageable when certain classes of food are eliminated from the diet. These include dairy products, sugar, gluten, wheat and some artificial colorants and preservatives like MSG and tartrazine. It is worthwhile consulting a trained nutritionalist to assist with dietary intervention and moms and dads should not simply eliminate important foods from their kid's diets without expert advice.

Psychopharmacological Interventions or Drug Therapy—

Many kids and adults with Aspergers do not need any form of medication, while others need to be treated symptomatically While there are no specific 'Aspergers' drugs, psychiatric drugs can be used to treat some of the problems which may manifest or be associated with Aspergers, such as ADD/HD, depression, mood swings, temper tantrums, irritability, aggression, obsessions and compulsive behaviors and anxiety. Many of the drugs used to treat the other Pervasive Developmental Disorders like Autism are also used to treat some of the associated symptoms of Aspergers. These include Ritalin, Adderall, Paxil, Strattera, Prozac, Risperal and others.

Like many psychiatric drugs, these often come with unwanted side effects and the risk of addiction and their benefits should always be weighed against the potential harm they could cause, particularly in the case of kids. Remember that you should always consult your doctor before altering or discontinuing any prescription medication. It is also important to realize that there are effective herbal and homeopathic alternatives to many of the prescription drugs. As with any medication, it is always best to consult your doctor before changing or discontinuing any prescribed medicines.

Natural alternatives—

Herbal and homeopathic remedies can be viable alternatives to the synthetic drugs and may be just as effective, with far fewer risks and side effects. Depending on the symptoms that need treatment, Native Remedies recommends the following remedies to assist in an overall treatment plan. Herbal remedy for depression, mood swings, repetitive behaviors, irritability, and aggression. These may all be symptoms of serotonin imbalance and may show improvement with the use of our 100% herbal MindSoothe Jr. formula. The ingredients of MindSoothe Jr. have been clinically proven to assist in balancing serotonin levels and act as SSRI's (Selective Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitors) in much the same way as the synthetic SSRI's do.

Herbal remedy for anxiety (calm and soothe)—

Tranquilizing drugs may be very effective in calming autistic kids and adults, who can easily become highly distressed and volatile over seemingly small changes in their environment. However, many tranquilizing drugs are also addictive and individuals may build up tolerance, resulting in the need for increasingly higher doses. PureCalm is a herbal formula which has been especially formulated to calm and soothe kids and adults without the risk of side effects and potential addiction. Available in easy to administer drop form, the dosage may be adjusted to suit kids or adults. PureCalm may be taken on its own when needed for quick symptomatic relief, and is also safe to use with most prescription and herbal medicines.

Herbal remedies for ADHD, hyperactivity and concentration—

Like the benzodiazepines and tranquilizing drugs, the psycho-stimulants come with documented side effects and potential for dependency. Yet many moms and dads find it very difficult to deal with Aspergers kids who also have symptoms of ADHD, hyperactivity and concentration problems. For the treatment of hyperactivity, restlessness and lack of concentration, Native Remedies has developed two highly effective remedies: Focus ADHD Formula is a 100% herbal remedy which has been especially formulated to treat the symptoms of ADHD in kids and adults alike. Focus comes in a tincture an is easily administered as drops in some juice or water. Native Remedies also offers BrightSpark, a safe and effective homeopathic formula. BrightSpark can be effectively used on its own or it can be combined with Focus ADHD Formula for severe or stubborn cases or for kids with defiance and anger problems.

Herbal remedy for tantrums—

Many Aspergers kids have violent tantrums, sometimes seemingly without cause. Tantrums may often be a result of the youngster's frustration at being unable to communicate or understand, and may also be a response to changes in routine or environment. Tantrum Tamer, a specially formulated homeopathic remedy, uses proven homeopathic ingredients which can greatly reduce or eliminate distressing and hard to handle tantrums. Tantrum Tamer dissolves easily in the mouth and is pleasant tasting and readily accepted by kids. Remedies may be used independently or in combination.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums in Aspergers Children
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What are the pros and cons of the APA’s plan to change the diagnosis of Aspergers to autism without the current separations?

In February 2010, the American Psychiatric Association released a draft of the possible revisions to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders or DSM. The current version, the DSM-IV, contains somewhat complicated diagnostic criteria for Autism Spectrum Disorder, which includes Autism, Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified, Aspergers, and includes reference to Rett’s Disorder or Childhood Disintegrative Disorder.

The AMERICAN PSYCHIATRIC ASSOCIATION plans to revise the category of Pervasive Developmental Disorder, simplifying the criteria and removing the distinctive divisions. With this revision, there will no longer be a diagnosis of Aspergers or PDD-NOS. All individuals who meet the criteria will be given a diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorders. The reasoning for these changes is to create a more consistent diagnosis, and a spectrum-type diagnosis may solve the problems of inconsistency. This will eliminate the need to diagnose an individual based on the severity of the condition.

Two individuals with the diagnosis of PDD-NOS may have dissimilar abilities. The same is true for two individuals diagnosed with Autism, or with Aspergers. Because these diagnoses are all part of the larger spectrum, you will find differing abilities throughout. The AMERICAN PSYCHIATRIC ASSOCIATION feels the new DSM-V criteria will create a uniform diagnosis for individuals on the Autism Spectrum.

Some experts and individuals are not in agreement with the proposed revisions. There are definite pros and cons to the proposed changes in the opinions of medical professionals and the public, including those directly affected by these revisions. Here are the most common pros and cons.

Pros—

• All related health problems can be recognized and treated. Individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorder often suffer with anxiety, gastrointestinal problems, seizures, and sensory integration dysfunction, along with Autism.

• More services could be available for all levels of ability. Most services require a diagnosis of classic Autism, leaving out the mildly affected individuals.

Cons—

• Some individuals believe that the less affected individuals will not want the stigma of Autism placed on them. Aspergers carries a more neutral connotation than Autism.

• Some individuals feel that milder cases of Autism Spectrum Disorder, those normally diagnosed as PDD-NOS or Aspergers, are more likely to be missed or not to qualify for the new ASD diagnosis.

• To the person affected by Aspergers, the diagnosis is part of who they are, and changing that to Autism may be extreme and cause anxiety.

Many individuals with Asperger’s Syndrome are comfortable with, and even embracing of, their diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome. It can even be a sense of identity and pride. To take this away and just “lump” individuals in the much broader Autistic Spectrum category is a mistake. Also over time, the general public is slowly becoming to hear about and understand (at least a little bit) what Asperger’s Syndrome is. So if the diagnosis is lost in a broader Spectrum – this understanding level will need to start all over again. Finally on a practical level what about all the support groups, practitioners, authors, resources, educational programs etc, that are all specifically set up to help individuals with the diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome? They will all have to change or cease to exist – which can only impact negatively on the lives of individuals with Asperger’s Syndrome and their families.

Because of the division of agreement, the AMERICAN PSYCHIATRIC ASSOCIATION has posted the proposed revisions online at www.DSM5.org The public will be able to post comments on the website until April 20, 2010. The AMERICAN PSYCHIATRIC ASSOCIATION will include the voice of the public in the final decision on whether these revisions become permanent.


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