Parenting Teenagers with Aspergers and HFA

Here Are Some Quick Tips for Parents of Teenagers with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

Keep Doing The Things That Work—

• Be patient. Remember that kids and adolescents with an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) are relatively immature, socially and emotionally, compared to neurotypical kids of the same chronological age. Imagine sending a 10 year old off to high school (even if she has a chronological age of 14), or putting a 14 year old boy behind the wheel of car (even if he has a chronological age of 18)—or sending that 14 year old off to college or the army. We need to adjust our expectations for adolescents with ASD—and make sure they still have appropriate supports. Don’t pull the “ramp” out from under the “wheelchair”!

• Go with the flow of your child’s nature. Simplify schedules and routines, streamline possessions and furnishings. If your adolescent only likes plain T shirts without collars or buttons, buy plain T shirts. If your kid likes familiar foods, or has a favorite restaurant, indulge her.

• Have realistic, modest goals for what the adolescent or the family can accomplish in a give time period. You may need to postpone some plans for career goals, trips, culture or recreation.

• Kids still need structure, down time, soothing activities, and preparation for transitions.

• Communication: Establish verbal codes or gestures to convey that one or both parties need a time out: a chance to cool down before continuing a difficult discussion at a later time. Impersonal, written communication is easier for the adolescent to absorb: lists of routines and rules, notes, charts, or calendars. E-mail may become a new option. In so far as you can, keep your cool—they can’t handle our upset feelings. Walk away if you need to. Side by side conversations (walking, in the car) may be more comfortable for the adolescent than talking face to face. Tell your adolescent just what s/he needs to know, one message at a time, concisely.

• A regular bed time at a reasonable hour is more important than ever, if you can put/keep it in place. Regular routines of all kinds—familiar foods, rituals, vacations—are reassuring when the adolescent’s body, biochemistry, and social scene are changing so fast.

• Discipline & responsibility: A simple, low key, consistent approach is more important than ever, as adolescents become taller and stronger—not that physical restraint was ever very useful with our kids. Pick your battles. Set and enforce only your bottom line rules and expectations—matters of safety and respect. Write them down. Make sure both moms and dads/all involved adults agree on the rules. Give choices when possible, but not too many. Engage your adolescent in problem-solving; what does s/he think would work?

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

• Make sure thorough neuropsych re-evaluations are performed every three years. This information and documentation may be critical in securing appropriate services, alternative school placements, a good transition plan; choosing an appropriate college or other post secondary program; proving eligibility for services and benefits as an adult.

• Special interests may change, but whatever the current one is, it remains an important font of motivation, pleasure, relaxation, and reassurance for the adolescent.

Possible Shifts and Changes—

• Yes, adolescents do continue to grow and develop. You may get some nice surprises along the way, as you see the adolescent take an unexpected giant step toward maturity. I think of it as their neurons maturing on the vine! Maybe it’s just that they figure some things out, and get used to the feel of their new body chemistry.

• With or without ASD, most adolescents become less willing to take a parent’s word or advice; so we need to hook them up with other trustworthy adults. If you want your adolescent to learn or try or do something, arrange for the suggestion or information to come from a trusted adult other than a parent. E.g.: Handpick your adolescent’s guidance counselor. Look for other good mentors: Uncle? Scout or youth group leader? Psychologist, social worker, peer mentor, “Big Brother,” social skills group leader? Weight room coach or martial arts teacher?

• Boys may need to spend increased amounts of time with their fathers, and/or other male role models, as they undertake to become men. If Dad has taken a back seat, let him know his son really needs his attention now. If you are a single mother, look especially hard for male mentors at your son’s school or in the wider community.

• ASD can intensify parent/adolescent dynamics—which are challenging enough! The “job description” of a teenager is to pull away from moms and dads toward more independence; for our kids, the process can be extra messy—not least because they may be even less ready for independence than other adolescents. Although some adolescents with ASD are more docile and child-like, be prepared to tolerate/ignore considerable distancing, surliness, or acting out, knowing that it won’t last forever. At the same time, set some firm limits, and keep a close eye on the child/adolescent’s welfare.

Hygiene—

Instill the essential habit of a daily shower and clean clothes: peers, teachers, and future potential employers are very put off by poor hygiene. If possible, put your adolescent’s clothes on a well-organized shelf in the bathroom, near the clothes hamper.

Adolescents’ Mental Health—

• Adolescents with ASD are less prepared than neurotypical adolescents for the new challenges of sexuality and romance. Some are oblivious; others want a girl or boy friend, but are clueless about how to form and maintain a relationship. Boys especially may be at risk for accusations of harassment, and girls especially at risk for becoming victims. Teach appropriate rules, or see that another adult does. Look for supervised activities in which boys and girls can socialize safely together, supervised by a staff person who know ASD and can coach appropriate social skills.

• Seek out activity-based, practical social skills groups designed especially for adolescents. Participating in such a group, being accepted by group leaders and peers, is probably the most powerful way to allay an adolescent’s potential despair at not fitting in socially and not having any friends. The positive social experiences and new skills they learn will be assets for the rest of their lives.

• Even for a previously well-adjusted youngster, multiple stressors during the adolescent years may bring on anxiety and even depression. Stressors seem to include increased academic/abstract thinking and social demands at school, peer pressure, increased social awareness, and fears of the future. Highly anxious adolescents who do not get help may be at risk for hospitalizations, school failure, acting out (including alcohol and substance abuse), or even suicide attempts.

• Don’t panic, however—there are interventions you can provide. Appropriate school placement and staff training, exercise (martial arts, yoga), and/or appropriate therapy with a carefully chosen professional, may help control the level of anxiety. Meds may need to be introduced or adjusted.

Moms and Dads’ Mental Health—

• Kids with ASD can be difficult to parent and to love even when they are young. Often, our kids neither accept nor express love or other positive feelings in ways a neurotypical parent expects or finds most comfortable. Kids’ behavior can be trying or embarrassing for us. Adding adolescence to the mix can make this dilemma even more painful.

• If both moms and dads can largely agree about an adolescent’s diagnosis, treatment, and rules, it will save a lot of family wear and tear. To get your partner on the same page, attend ASD  conferences or classes together. When you hear the same information, you can discuss it and decide what will work best for your adolescent and in your family. As you learn more about the disorder, you may also come to better appreciate each other’s contributions to your youngster’s welfare. Attend team meetings at the school together, or alternate which parent attends. Seeing your youngster’s therapist together (possibly without the child), or seeing a couples or family therapist, may help you weather a tough time together.

• Build and use any support networks you can: extended family, close friends, church/synagogue groups, and understanding school staff. At MYASPERGERSCHILD.COM parent support groups, you will find other wonderful moms and dads who will appreciate how hard you are working for your adolescent, and share their strategies, resources, and spirit. If you don’t have a good network, consider individual or family therapy for a little support during a stormy, demanding life passage. When you have a demanding adolescent, it’s good to be reminded once a week that your needs and feelings are valid and important, too!

• “Spray yourself with Guilt-Away!” Forgive yourself for being an imperfect parent, and for not loving your youngster “enough.” Forgive yourself for sometimes losing your temper, yelling, or handling a tense situation awkwardly. Forgive yourself for getting your adolescent diagnosed “late”—there are still plenty of years in which to help your youngster. Forgive yourself for not arranging play dates, or sports, or tutoring, the way other moms and dads may be doing. We each offer our youngster our own unique talents, interests, and qualities, as people and as moms and dads. We each do the best we can to gather the information, insights, resources, and services that will help our kids live and grow through adolescence. And—willingly or of necessity—we each end up making significant sacrifices for our kids. In the hardest years my mantra was: “The best I can do has got to be good enough—because it’s the best I can do!” It is a hard job; we are all heroic moms and dads (as a kind friend of mine once said to me).

• A regular bed time for the adolescent gives you time you can count on each evening for yourself and/or your partner. If you can build in regular respite—such as a night your adolescent spends with a grandparent once a month—go for it, and plan ahead for some relaxation, fun, or culture. (Divorced moms and dads may be able to count on a little time alone or with friends as long as they set up and adhere faithfully to a regular visitation schedule.)

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

Disclosure and Self-Advocacy—

• Encourage your adolescent to carry a wallet disclosure card to show if stopped by a police officer or other first responder. A lot of adolescents with ASD like to walk at night to unwind, and police may view their behavior as suspicious. You may want to introduce your adolescent to your local police community relations officer, and explain a little about ASD. Refer the police to MYASPERGERSCHILD.COM if they have questions.

• If you have not talked to your adolescent about ASD, you or someone else should do so—to the extent that the adolescent is ready to hear it. It’s tricky for adolescents—they so much want to be “normal” and strong and successful. A diagnosis can seem threatening or even totally unacceptable. In truth, however, the adults with ASD who do best are those who know themselves well—both their own strengths, which point them toward finding their niche in the world, and their own blind spots: where they need to learn new skills or seek out specific kinds of help.

• Adolescents need to learn when to ask for help, from whom, and how. It’s very helpful to have someone such as a trusted guidance counselor whose door is always open, and who can coach the adolescent in problem solving.

School—

• If you can afford it, you may prefer to pay private school tuition rather than paying a lawyer to negotiate with a financially strapped or resistant school system. However, a private school may not be the best choice. Some families move to a community with a better high school.

• Residential schools may be worth considering for some. The right fit can build tremendous confidence for the adolescent, give the moms and dads a break, and prepare everyone for the independence of the post high school years.

• Schedule regular monthly educational team meetings to monitor your adolescent’s progress, to ensure that the IEP is being faithfully carried out, and to modify it if necessary. Because adolescents can be so volatile or fragile, and because so many important things must be accomplished in four short years of high school, these meetings are critical. If an adolescent is doing very well, the team can agree to skip a month—but be sure to reconvene to plan the transition to the following year.

• See the MYASPERGERSCHILD.COM school list in the adolescent information packet. There are no easy answers to finding the mix of conditions where our kids can survive or even thrive; pick the best possible realistic choice, and help your adolescent adjust. Call MYASPERGERSCHILD.COM if you would like to discuss options. Some families hire educational placement services.

• Some adolescents adjust o.k. to middle/high school with appropriate supports and accommodations. Others, however, just cannot handle a large, impersonal high school. You may need to hire an advocate or lawyer to negotiate with your school system to pay for an alternative school placement, tuition, and transportation.

Transition Planning—

• Chapter 688 in Massachusetts mandates a transition from services delivered under the aegis of the Department of Education (DOE), through graduation or age 22, to services delivered by another state agency, such as the Massachusetts Rehabilitation Commission. Involve your state Rehabilitation Commission in the planning process, since they may be the sole or key provider of post-h.s. services for most adults with ASD.

• Consider delaying graduation in order to ensure that transition services are actually provided under DOE. It may be hard to convince an academically gifted, college bound student to accept this route. However, it may be very helpful for students who will need a lot of help with independent living skills and employment issues. Services need not be delivered within high school walls. Community college courses, adaptive driving lessons, and employment internships are just a few alternatives to consider.

• If you have not yet made a will and set up a special needs trust, do it now. Ask the lawyer about powers of attorney or other documents you may need once your adolescent is no longer a minor. Few moms and dads assume guardianship of a young adult 18 or older, but it may be necessary and appropriate in some situations.

• Social skills are more essential to employment success than high IQ or a record of academic achievement. Make sure the IEP provides for social skill learning/social pragmatic language. For example, a good overarching goal is: “Bobby will learn the social skills appropriate to a 9th grader.”

• The transition plan (part of the IEP) should address the skills a teenager needs while in high school, in order to be prepared for the kind of independent life s/he wants to lead after graduation. Many high schools are unfamiliar with transition planning, however—especially for college bound students. The more you know as a parent, the more you may be able to ensure that a solid transition plan is written and carried out.

• What kind of living situation, employment, and transportation fit your adolescent’s picture of his/her future at age 18 or 25? Once the goals are set, where can the adolescent learn the necessary skills? Consider academic courses, electives, extracurricular activities, and additional services within and outside the high school (e.g. community college, adaptive driving school).

• You want input and ownership from the adolescent as far as is possible, but moms and dads can and should have input. You may need to have team meetings when the adolescent is absent, so you can speak frankly about your concerns, without fear that the adolescent may feel you lack respect for or faith in her/him.

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

Steps Toward Independence—

• An activity the adolescent can walk to is great. Learning to use public transportation is also great. Consider buying a T pass, or rolls of quarters.

• Look for opportunities—e.g. in the summer—for a sheltered, successful overnight stay away from home with no parent. Examples: long weekend visits to relatives, a week or two of a carefully chosen sleep-away camp, taking a course on a college campus. MYASPERGERSCHILD.COM has a summer and recreation resource list.

• Look for volunteer activities or part time jobs at the high school or in the community. Be persistent in asking the school to provide help in the areas of career assessment, job readiness skills, and internships or volunteer opportunities. They probably have such services for intellectually challenged adolescents—but may not realize our kids need that help, too. They may also not know how to adapt existing programs to meet our kids’ needs.

• Teach laundry and other self-care/home care skills by small steps over time. Try to get the adolescent to take an elective such as cooking or personal finance at the high school.

College—

• Because your college student is no longer a minor, many colleges generally will not communicate openly with moms and dads, nor disclose the student’s disability without the student’s permission. Some colleges will allow the student to sign a blanket waiver to release information to moms and dads, but many will only allow limited waivers or none. The burden is on the student to disclose, to ask for help, and to let moms and dads know about problems—things that are hard for our kids.

• If your adolescent seems like a good candidate for college, take him or her to visit colleges during the spring vacation weeks of the junior year of high school, or during the summers before junior and senior year. Visits reveal a lot about what environment the adolescent will prefer. Purchase a large college guide to browse (e.g. Fiske). Also look at Colleges that Change Lives by Loren Pope: Clark University, Hampshire College, and Marlboro are New England colleges in this book.

• Not all adolescents are ready for a residential college experience right after high school. To decide, use the evidence of how the adolescent did at sleep-away camp or similar samplings of independence, and look carefully at executive function skills (organizational skills). As an alternative, community colleges offer a lot of flexibility: easy admission, low cost, remedial courses if necessary, the option of a light course load, and the security of living at home. Some college disability offices are more successful than others at providing effective, individualized support. However, if the adolescent is living at home, you may be able more easily to sense trouble, step in with help, or secure supports your young adult needs to succeed.

==> More parenting strategies for helping your teenager with Asperger's or HFA can be found here...


==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

Aspergers Children and Problems in Social Interactions

Children with Aspergers (high functioning autism) may develop problems in their abilities to successfully engage in interpersonal relationships.

Social impact—

Aspergers may lead to problems in social interaction with peers. These problems can be severe or mild depending on the child. Kids with Aspergers are often the target of bullying at school due to their idiosyncratic behavior, precise language, unusual interests, and impaired ability to perceive and respond in socially expected ways to nonverbal cues, particularly in interpersonal conflict. Kids with Aspergers may be overly literal, and may have difficulty interpreting and responding to sarcasm, banter, or metaphorical speech. Difficulties with social interaction may also be manifest in a lack of play with other kids.

The above problems can even arise in the family; given an unfavorable family environment, the youngster may be subject to emotional abuse. A youngster or teenager with Aspergers is often puzzled by this mistreatment, unaware of what has been done incorrectly. Unlike other pervasive development disorders, most kids with Aspergers want to be social, but fail to socialize successfully, which can lead to later withdrawal and asocial behavior, especially in adolescence. At this stage of life especially, they risk being drawn into unsuitable and inappropriate friendships and social groups. People with Aspergers often interact better with those considerably older or younger than themselves, rather than those within their own age group.

Kids with Aspergers often display advanced abilities for their age in language, reading, mathematics, spatial skills, and/or music—sometimes into the "gifted" range—but this may be counterbalanced by considerable delays in other developmental areas. This combination of traits can lead to problems with teachers and other authority figures. A youngster with Aspergers might be regarded by teachers as a "problem child" or a "poor performer." The youngster’s extremely low tolerance for what they perceive to be ordinary and mediocre tasks, such as typical homework assignments, can easily become frustrating; a teacher may well consider the youngster arrogant, spiteful, and insubordinate. Lack of support and understanding, in combination with the youngster's anxieties, can result in problematic behavior (such as severe tantrums, violent and angry outbursts, and withdrawal).

Difficulties in relationships—

Two traits sometimes found in Aspergers children are mind-blindness - the inability to predict the beliefs and intentions of others – (see below) and alexithymia - the inability to identify and interpret emotional signals in oneself or others – (see below) which reduce the ability to be empathetically attuned to others. Alexithymia in Aspergers functions as an independent variable relying on different neural networks than those implicated in theory of mind (see below). In fact, lack of Theory of Mind in Aspergers may be a result of a lack of information available to the mind due to the operation of the alexithymic deficit.

A second issue related to alexithymia involves the inability to identify and modulate strong emotions such as sadness or anger, which leaves the child prone to “sudden affective outbursts such as crying or rage.” The inability to express feelings using words may also predispose the child to use physical acts to articulate the mood and release the emotional energy.

Children with Aspergers report a feeling of being unwillingly detached from the world around them. They may have difficulty finding a life partner or getting married due to poor social skills. Children with Aspergers will need support if they desire to make connections on a personal level. The complexity and inconsistency of the social world can pose an extreme challenge for children with Aspergers. In the UK Asperger's is covered by the Disability Discrimination Act; those with Aspergers who get treated badly because of it may have some redress. The first case was Hewett v Motorola 2004 (sometimes referred to as Hewitt) and the second was Isles v Ealing Council.

The intense focus and tendency to work things out logically often grants people with Aspergers a high level of ability in their field of interest. When these special interests coincide with a materially or socially useful task, the person with Aspergers can lead a profitable career and a fulfilled life. The youngster obsessed with a specific area may succeed in employment related to that area. People with Aspergers have also served in the military. Although Aspergers is generally a disqualifier for military service, the individual can be qualified for enlistment if he or she has not required special accommodations or treatment for the past year. More research is needed on adults with Aspergers .

Mind-blindness can be described as an inability to develop an awareness of what is in the mind of another human. It is not necessarily caused by an inability to imagine an answer, but is often due to not being able to gather enough information to work out which of the many possible answers is correct. Mind-blindness is the opposite of empathy. Simon Baron-Cohen was the first person to use the term 'mind-blindness' to help understand some of the problems encountered by children with autism or Aspergers or other developmental disorders.

Alexithymia is defined by:

1. a stimulus-bound, externally oriented cognitive style
2. constricted imaginal processes, as evidenced by a paucity of fantasies
3. difficulty describing feelings to other people
4. difficulty identifying feelings and distinguishing between feelings and the bodily sensations of emotional arousal

Theory of mind appears to be an innate potential ability in humans, but one requiring social and other experience over many years to bring to fruition. Different people may develop more, or less, effective theories of mind. Empathy is a related concept, meaning experientially recognizing and understanding the states of mind, including beliefs, desires and particularly emotions of others, often characterized as the ability to "put oneself into another's shoes."

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book


==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

Parent of Aspergers Child Shares Her Story

This is 'our' experience of Aspergers. Since Aspergers is known as a 'pick and mix' syndrome, other moms and dads will have different problems and different solutions.

B___ failed his hearing test when he was a baby. After years of visits to hearing specialists and nothing being done, we were eventually informed that there was nothing wrong with B___'s hearing; he just chose not to hear. This was because he was in his own little world. He was diagnosed at around the age of 9 with Aspergers, a 'generally' mild form of autism usually associated with an above average IQ.

We had lived for all that time believing something was wrong with his hearing, but that was all. We put the trouble he was in at school down to his being unable to hear things. It was only after an Educational Psychologist (there are some good ones) made the diagnosis that all the little traits which we had accepted as being B___, also made up a Syndrome!

What sort of traits were they? He was obsessive...if he played with anything, it was that toy to the exclusion of all others. This obsession may only have lasted a couple of days, it may have lasted several weeks, but each time it was only the one thing. From around the age of 5 or 6, it was videos. He would watch the same video over and over and over again.

When he played with toys, everything was always in a pattern...generally a straight line pattern - a square, a rectangle, a straight line. He did not like curves and positively hated disorder. (That did not stretch to keeping his bedroom tidy though).

If his routine was disrupted, he would have terrible temper tantrums. It was necessary to pre-warn him of everything and prepare him. This meant even to warning him that in ten minutes he would be going to bed; he needed to adjust from what he was currently doing to what he would be doing.

He is a great one for rules. He doesn't always follow them, but generally speaking, once he accepts why a rule is in place, he sticks to it and becomes very irate if others don't. When we are out and about, the number of times he wants to report someone to the police for breaking the rules...generally drivers...is phenomenal. I would be very wary of anyone with Aspergers becoming a policeman...you certainly won't get off with a warning! :)

The biggest problem we had was how he interacted with other kids in school, or didn't. All the other things we accepted as part of him. It was only when he had problems with other kids that we felt we had a problem. B___'s Aspergers is very mild, but even he has problems gauging people and their feelings and reactions.

He will not be able to see that he is boring another youngster to death...and will not let them go when he feels he has a captive audience. He will not play nicely with other kids...they break a rule and he feels mortally wounded.

He constantly thinks that 'they are out to get him' (this final feeling I now think may have been more to do with the bullying which he suffered, although other Aspergers kids report the same thing so I don't know). For example, his school was all open plan classrooms. He was always sat with the teacher and therefore was at the front. He would see a youngster in the next classroom facing towards him (actually listening to his own teacher) and he truly believed that this youngster would be planning to attack him.

This lack of empathy can sometimes cause all sorts of problems. If someone hurts themselves, he will laugh. He has not realized that the other person is upset. If he sees someone cry, he has now 'learnt' that this means they are unhappy. However, because it is a learned response, he finds it a difficult thing to translate to a different situation. For example, if he cannot find something in a bookshop, he has learnt that you can go and ask an assistant. He has also learnt now that you can do that in a supermarket. But that does not mean he could ask in a clothes store. We have now taught him that wherever you are, if you have a problem, look for a person in authority and ask for help. (This did not work in the school though...I never realized how few teachers actually want to help kids).

Many Aspergers kids do not have any sense of humor; those that do tend to have a very 'slap stick style' sense of humor. For most, plays on words are very difficult for them to cope with. B___ certainly can never tell whether something is true, humor or sarcasm.

Aspergers often means that kids also have short term memory problems. If you gave B___ a list of three things to do, he could 'probably' do them. Give him four and he will forget at least two of them. Even now, he cannot get the days of the week in the right order and cannot remember the months of the year or the seasons in order.

I mentioned earlier that Aspergers is a 'pick and mix' syndrome. This means that the Aspergers  never really comes alone. There is nearly always something else as well. In B___'s case it is dyslexia. I help run a support group for moms and dads of kids with Aspergers and the other problems which frequently occur are dyspraxia, ADD, ADHD and Tourette's Syndrome.

Having detailed all the problems we have had with our son, I must assure you that it is not all doom, gloom and despondency by a long way. The peculiarities of B___'s brain and others who have Aspergers generally give them a lot of strengths as well. Many, many of them are very skilled at the sciences, or maths...generally the very logical subjects where there are rules to follow. Music is another field where Aspergers kidss are widely represented, the other art type subjects are less well represented. This is believed to be as a result of the high IQ and the obsessive, logical natures they have. Whilst in schools, the kids are pushed to have a very wide knowledge of all things, in a work environment of their choice, an 'Aspergers youngster' can specialize in his/her obsession.

Further, we have had so few problems since we began home educating B___ that people seeing him now tend to disbelieve that he has any problems at all. We can concentrate on his strengths and skills and help him by giving him coping mechanisms where he has weaknesses. For example, he always has a diary around him and has learnt that he can use this to work out days of the week, or months of the year.

There are many very famous, very successful people who either had, or are believed to have had, Aspergers. Bill Gates, the Microsoft computer billionaire is supposed to have Aspergers. Einstein was believed to have Aspergers.

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book


==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

Sleep Disorders are Common in Kids with Aspergers

A recent study conducted at the Center for Pediatric Sleep Disorders at the University La Sapienza in Rome, Italy has led researchers to believe that sleep disorders are more common among kids with Aspergers as opposed to their typically-developing peers. Oliviero Bruni, MD authored the study which compared the sleep habits of eight kids with Aspergers, 10 kids with autism and a control group of 12 typically-developing kids. Moms and dads of kids with Aspergers filled out a sleep questionnaire and the Pediatric Daytime Sleepiness Scale. The kids were also assessed using the Child Behavior Checklist, the industry-standard Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule (ADOS), the Wechsler Intelligence Scale for Kids (WISC), and were observed during an overnight sleep study (polysomnogram).

The study determined that not only were kids with Aspergers reluctant to go to sleep they had difficulty falling asleep, difficulty waking up, and a general feeling of sleepiness throughout the day. As a parent of a youngster with Aspergers I can attest to these findings. My son has a hard time transitioning into his sleep routine, a difficult time falling asleep, and often nods off throughout the day. He rarely looks rested but can't seem to increase his quality of sleep.

It is important for all kids, but especially kids with Aspergers and other autism spectrum conditions, to have a consistent bedtime routine. This will allow everyone to wind down and have a relaxing evening which should, ideally, set the mood for a more restful night. It is imperative to avoid any excessively stimulating activity in the later evening hours including screen time (TV, movies, video games, computer time, etc) and any type of excessive physical activity. Some moms and dads find that the use of aromatherapy and relaxing music helps their youngster calm down and prepare themselves for a restful night of sleep.

All kids have sleep issues from time-to-time and will go through phases of disruptive sleep. Kids with Aspergers, however, are more prone to have longer periods of these disruptive cycles. This lack of quality sleep can affect a youngster in their everyday lives including their education and extracurricular activities. If the youngster isn't getting sleep then it is unlikely that the moms and dads are which can through the entire family dynamic off. If you have a youngster with Aspergers it is important to take note of their sleep, including speaking with the youngster themselves, and contact their pediatrician if you feel that they are being negatively affected by their sleep cycle.

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book


==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

Tantrums & Meltdowns in the Classroom: Guidelines for Teachers of Aspergers and HFA Students

Every teacher of Aspergers and high functioning autistic (HFA) kids can expect to witness some meltdowns. At school, there are predictable situations that can be expected to trigger meltdowns, such as transitions between activities, on the school bus, getting ready to work, interactions with other kids, directives from the teacher, group activities, answering questions in class, individual seat work, and the playground.

Characteristics of Meltdowns in Aspergers and HFA Kids—

All young kids from time to time will whine, complain, resist, cling, argue, hit, shout, run, and defy their teachers. Meltdowns, although normal, can become upsetting to teachers because they are embarrassing, challenging, and difficult to manage. On the other hand, meltdowns can become special problems when they occur with greater frequency, intensity, and duration than is typical for the age of the youngster. 

There are nine different types of temperaments in these special needs young people:

• Distractible temperament predisposes the youngster to pay more attention to his or her surroundings than to the teacher.
• High intensity level temperament moves the youngster to yell, scream, or hit hard when feeling threatened.
• Hyperactive temperament predisposes the youngster to respond with fine- or gross-motor activity.
• Initial withdrawal temperament is found when kids get clingy, shy, and unresponsive in new situations and around unfamiliar people.
• Irregular temperament moves the youngster to escape the source of stress by needing to eat, drink, sleep, or use the bathroom at irregular times when he or she does not really have the need.
• Low sensory threshold temperament is evident when the youngster complains about tight clothes and people staring and refuses to be touched by others.
• Negative mood temperament is found when kids appear lethargic, sad, and lack the energy to perform a task.
• Negative persistent temperament is seen when the youngster seems stuck in his or her whining and complaining.
• Poor adaptability temperament shows itself when kids resist, shut down, and become passive-aggressive when asked to change activities.

Prevention for Teachers of Students on the Autism Spectrum—

It is much easier to prevent meltdowns than it is to manage them once they have erupted. Here are some tips for preventing meltdowns in the classroom:

• Avoid boredom. Say, “You have been working for a long time. Let’s take a break and do something fun.”
• Change environments, thus removing the youngster from the source of the meltdown. Say, “Let’s read a book.”
• Choose your battles. Teach kids how to make a request without a meltdown and then honor the request. Say, “Try asking for that pencil nicely and I’ll get it for you.”
• Create a safe environment that kids can explore without getting into trouble. Childproof your classroom so kids can explore safely.
• Distract kids by redirection to another activity when they tantrum over something they should not do or cannot have. Say, “Let’s read a book together.”
• Do not ask kids to do something when they must do what you ask. Do not ask, “Would you like to study now?” Say, “It’s study time now.”
• Establish routines and traditions that add structure. Start class with a sharing time and opportunity for interaction.
• Give kids control over little things whenever possible by giving choices. A little bit of power given to the youngster can stave off the big power struggles later. “Which do you want to do first, work on reading or writing?”
• Increase your tolerance level. Are you available to meet the youngster’s reasonable needs? Evaluate how many times you say, “No.” Avoid fighting over minor things.
• Keep a sense of humor to divert the youngster’s attention and surprise the youngster out of the tantrum.
• Keep off-limit objects out of sight and therefore out of mind. In an art activity keep the scissors out of reach if kids are not ready to use them safely.
• Provide pre-academic, behavioral, and social challenges that are at the youngster’s developmental level so that the youngster does not become frustrated.
• Reward kids for positive attention rather than negative attention. During situations when they are prone to meltdowns, catch them when they are being good and say such things as, “Nice job sharing with your friend.”
• Signal kids before you reach the end of an activity so that they can get prepared for the transition. Say, “When the timer goes off 5 minutes from now it will be time to turn in your work.”
• When visiting new places or unfamiliar people explain to the youngster beforehand what to expect. Say, “Stay with your assigned buddy in the museum.”

Intervention for Teachers of Aspergers and HFA Students—

There are a number of ways to handle a meltdown. Strategies include the following:

• Avoid shaming the youngster about being angry. Kids in healthy families are allowed to express all their feelings, whether they are pleasant or unpleasant. They are not criticized or punished for having and expressing feelings appropriately, including anger.

• If the youngster has escalated the tantrum to the point where you are not able to intervene in the ways described above, then you may need to direct the youngster to time-out. In school warn the youngster up to three times that it is necessary to calm down and give a reminder of the rule. If the youngster refuses to comply, then place him or her in time-out for no more than 1 minute for each year of age.

• Learn to deal with your own and others' anger. When teachers discipline out of anger or with expectations that are inappropriate for the age of their youngster, they often make mistakes in the way they react. The place to begin is with ourselves. When we feel calm, we can model effective anger and conflict management.

• Maintain open communication with your student. Consistently and firmly enforce rules and explain the reasons for the rules in words your student can understand. Still, you can listen well to his protests about having to take a test or measles shot.

• Notice, compliment and reward appropriate behavior. Teaching your student to do the right things is better (and easier) than constantly punishing bad behavior. Kids who get a steady diet of attention only for bad behavior tend to repeat those behaviors because they learn that is the best way to get our attention, especially if we tend to be overly authoritarian.

• Remain calm and do not argue with the youngster. Before you manage the youngster, you must manage your own behavior. Yelling at the youngster will make the tantrum worse.

• Talk with the youngster after the youngster has calmed down. When the youngster stops crying, talk about the frustration the youngster has experienced. Try to help solve the problem if possible. For the future, teach the youngster new skills to help avoid meltdowns such as how to ask appropriately for help and how to signal a teacher that the he or she knows they need to go to “time away” to “stop, think, and make a plan.” Teach the youngster how to try a more successful way of interacting with a peer, how to express his or her feelings with words and recognize the feelings of others without hitting and screaming.

• Teach kids about intensity levels of anger. By using different words to describe the intensity of angry feelings (e.g., annoyed, aggravated, irritated, frustrated, angry, furious, enraged), kids as young as 2 1/2 can learn to understand that anger is a complex emotion with different levels of energy.

• Teach understanding and empathy by calling your student's attention to the effects of his or her actions on others. Invite the youngster to see the situation from the other person's point of view. Healthy kids feel remorse when they do something that hurts another. Authoritative discipline helps them develop an internal sense of right and wrong. Remember, a little guilt goes a long way, especially with an Aspergers youngster.

• Think before you act. Count to 10 and then think about the source of the youngster’s frustration, this youngster’s characteristic temperamental response to stress (hyperactivity, distractibility, moodiness), and the predictable steps in the escalation of the meltdown.

• Try to discover the reason for your student's anger or meltdown. What does he or she want and is not getting? The reasons kids have meltdowns vary: to get attention, get someone to listen, protest not getting their way, get out of doing something they do not want to do, punish a teacher for going away, for power, for revenge, from fear of abandonment, etc. Let the youngster know the behavior is unacceptable. Talk calmly.

• Try to intervene before the youngster is out of control. Get down at the youngster’s eye level and say, “You are starting to get revved up, slow down.” Now you have several choices of intervention.

• You can ignore the tantrum if it is being thrown to get your attention. Once the youngster calms down, give the attention that is desired.

• You can place the youngster in time away. Time away is a quiet place where the youngster goes to calm down, think about what he or she needs to do, and, with your help, make a plan to change the behavior.

• You can positively distract the youngster by getting the youngster focused on something else that is an acceptable activity. For example, you might remove the unsafe item and replace with an age-appropriate toy.

Post-Tantrum Management—

• Do not reward the youngster after a tantrum for calming down. Some kids will learn that a meltdown is a good way to get a treat later.
• Explain to the youngster that there are better ways to get what he or she wants.
• Never let the meltdown interfere with your otherwise positive relationship with the youngster.
• Never, under any circumstances, give in to a tantrum. That response will only increase the number and frequency of the tantrums.
• Teach the youngster that anger is a feeling that we all have and then teach her ways to express anger constructively.

Beyond the Tantrum Stage—

Most tantrums and angry outbursts come and go as Aspergers and HFA kids and youth grow in their ability to use language and learn to solve problems using words. But occasionally, fits of temper and violence persist into elementary school and may signal serious problems. Sometimes there are biological sources of anger that require diagnosis by a physician or psychologist.

If someone is getting hurt or if you use the suggestions listed in this fact sheet and nothing seems to work, it is time to get professional help. Ask a physician, school guidance counselor or psychologist for names of those skilled in working with autistic kids on anger issues. Or, check the yellow pages under counselors, for psychologists and marriage and family therapists who specialize in autism-related behavioral problems.

 

Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Launching Adult Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social-Skills and Emotion-Management to Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Parents' Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling the Mystery Behind High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Crucial Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD

 

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Resources for Neurodiverse Couples:

==> Online Group Therapy for Men with ASD

==> Online Group Therapy for NT Wives

==> Living with ASD: eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples 

==> One-on-One Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by ASD

==> Online Group Therapy for Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder

 ==> Cassandra Syndrome Recovery for NT Wives

==> ASD Men's MasterClass: Social-Skills Training and Emotional-Literacy Development

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