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Aspergers Teens and Dating

"My Aspie son is 17 years old, and dating is now becoming a problem. He likes girls but struggles with starting a conversation, showing that he likes them, and so on... Any suggestions?"

Aspergers dating can be a bit more complicated than typical teen dating. The onset of dating is a big step for teens with Aspergers (high functioning autism), just as it is for all teens. Like any other teen, your son wants to develop those special friendships and be a part of the crowd. The socialization struggles brought about by Aspergers calls for some advanced planning. Here are some tips to get you started.

Social skills—

Social skills are necessary to form friendships. Unfortunately, this skill area causes problems for people with Aspergers. Dating calls for the ability to notice social cues, body language, and gestures. You can help your son by identifying and practicing necessary skills. Many schools or community Autism support organizations have social skills group therapy classes. By attending these group activities, your son can learn socialization skills in a controlled and supported environment.

Personal Hygiene—

Sometimes personal hygiene is all but forgotten by people with Aspergers. Dating definitely requires good personal hygiene. It is difficult to attract the attention of the opposite sex if you forget to bathe and brush your teeth. Help your son create a schedule for his personal hygiene. A visual checklist can keep him on a regular schedule.

Interest-led activities—

One way to meet people is through a shared interest. For example, if your son's special interest is computers, he could join a computer club or take a class. Now is the chance to put to good use those obsessive interests that are so commonly held by people with Aspergers. Dating someone who loves the same things you do makes for a more natural relationship.

Therapy—

It is not easy to make your way through the teen years with Aspergers. Dating is expected and desired. If your son is struggling, he may benefit from individual therapy. A private counselor can help him work through his issues, concerns, and fears. A counselor can give him strategies that will make life easier and more pleasant.

With a little planning, your son can tackle his socialization struggles. With a bit of organization, some social skills practice, and possibly some therapy, your son can begin to overcome some of the weaknesses of Aspergers. Dating will then become his reality. With a little practice, he will become comfortable with himself in social situations.

How to Discipline Children with Aspergers and HFA

Disciplining kids displaying behavior associated with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism (HFA) will often require an approach that is somewhat unique to that of "typical" kids. Finding the balance between (a) understanding the needs of a youngster on the autism spectrum and (b) discipline that is age appropriate and situationally necessary is achievable when applying some simple but effective strategies.

In this post, we will look at the following:
  1. General Behavior Problems
  2. Obsessive or Fixated Behavior
  3. Sibling Issues
  4. Sleep Difficulties
  5. Problems at School
  6. Problems in Public
  7. Over-protective Parenting
  8. The Dignity of Risk

CLICK HERE for the full article...

Parent Management Training [PMT] for Parents of Aspergers Children

Parent management training (PMT) is an adjunct to treatment that involves educating and coaching moms and dads to change their Aspergers child’s problem behaviors using principles of learning theory and behavior modification.

Purpose—

The aim of PARENT MANAGEMENT TRAINING is to decrease or eliminate an Aspergers child’s disruptive or inappropriate behaviors at home or school and to replace problematic ways of acting with positive interactions with peers, moms and dads and such authority figures as teachers. In order to accomplish this goal, PARENT MANAGEMENT TRAINING focuses on enhancing parenting skills. The PARENT MANAGEMENT TRAINING therapist coaches parents in applying such strategies as rewarding positive behavior, and responding to negative behavior by removing rewards or enforcing undesirable consequences (punishments).

Although PARENT MANAGEMENT TRAINING focuses on specific targeted behaviors rather than on the youngster's diagnosis as such, it has come to be associated with the treatment of certain disorders. PARENT MANAGEMENT TRAINING is used in treating oppositional defiant disorder , conduct disorder , intermittent explosive disorder (age-inappropriate tantrums), and attention deficit disorder with hyperactivity (attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder ). Such antisocial behaviors as fire-setting and truancy can also be addressed through PARENT MANAGEMENT TRAINING.

Description—

In PARENT MANAGEMENT TRAINING, the therapist conducts initial teaching sessions with the parent(s), giving a short summary of foundational concepts in behavior modification; demonstrating interventions for the moms and dads; and coaching parents in carrying out the techniques of PARENT MANAGEMENT TRAINING. Early meetings with the therapist focus on training in the principles of behavior modification, response-contingent learning, and ways to apply the techniques. Moms and dads are instructed to define the behavior(s) to be changed concretely and specifically. In addition, they learn how to observe and identify relevant behavior and situational factors, and how to chart or otherwise record the youngster's behavior.

Defining, observing and recording behavior are essential to the success of this method, because when such behaviors as fighting or tantrums are highlighted in concrete, specific ways, techniques of reinforcement and punishment can be put to use. Progress or its absence is easier to identify when the description of the behavior is defined with enough clarity to be measurable, and when responses to the PARENT MANAGEMENT TRAINING interventions are tracked on a chart. After the Aspergers child’s parents grasp the basic interventions as well as when and how to apply them, the techniques that the moms and dads practiced with the therapist can be carried out at home.

Learning theory, which is the conceptual foundation of PARENT MANAGEMENT TRAINING, deals with the ways in which organisms learn to respond to their environment and the factors that affect the frequency of a specific behavior. The core of learning theory is the notion that actions increase or decrease in frequency in response to the consequences that occur immediately after the action. Research in parent-child interactions in families with disruptive, difficult or defiant kids shows that parental responses are unintentionally reinforcing the unwanted behavior. PARENT MANAGEMENT TRAINING trains moms and dads to become more careful in their reactions to a youngster's behavior.

The parents learn to be more discerning: to provide attention, praise and increased affection in reaction to the Aspergers child’s behaving in desired ways; and to withdraw attention, to suspend displays of affection, or to withdraw privileges in instances of less desirable behavior.

The most critical element of PARENT MANAGEMENT TRAINING is offering positive reinforcement for socially appropriate (or at least non-deviant) behaviors. An additional component involves responding to any undesired behaviors by removing rewards or applying punishment. These two types of response to the youngster must be carried out with great consistency. Consistent responding is important because erratic responses to unwanted behavior can actually cause the behavior to increase in frequency. For instance, if a youngster consistently throws tantrums in stores, hoping to be given something to end the tantrum, inconsistent parent responses can worsen the situation. If a parent is occasionally determined not to give in, but provides a candy bar or a toy to end the tantrum on other occasions, the youngster learns either to have more tantrums, or to have more dramatic tantrums. The rise in the number or intensity of tantrums occurs because the youngster is trying to increase the number of opportunities to obtain that infrequent parental reward for the behavior.

Planning responses ahead of time to predefined target behaviors by rewarding desired actions and by withdrawing rewards or applying punishment for undesirable behavior is a fundamental principle of PARENT MANAGEMENT TRAINING. Consistent consequences, which are contingent on (in response to) the youngster's behavior, result in behavior change. Moms and dads practice therapeutic ways of responding to their Aspergers child’s behavior in the PARENT MANAGEMENT TRAINING sessions with the therapist.

Through PARENT MANAGEMENT TRAINING, parents learn that positive rewards for appropriate behaviors can be offered in a variety of ways. Giving praise, providing extra attention, earning points toward obtaining a reward desired by the youngster, earning stickers or other small indicators of positive behavior, earning additional privileges, hugging (and other affectionate gestures) are all forms of reward. The technical term for the rewarding of desired behavior is positive reinforcement. Positive reinforcement refers to consequences that cause the desired target behavior to increase.

PARENT MANAGEMENT TRAINING instructs moms and dads to cancel rewards or give punishments when the Aspergers child behaves in undesirable ways. The removal of rewards usually entails time away from the circumstances and situations in which the youngster can do desired activities or receive attention. The concept of a "time out" is based on this notion of removal of rewards. Time out from rewards customarily means that the youngster is removed from people and stimulation for a certain period of time; it can also include deprivation of privileges.

Punishment in PARENT MANAGEMENT TRAINING is not necessarily what parents typically refer to as punishment; it most emphatically is not the use of physical punishment. A punishment in PARENT MANAGEMENT TRAINING involves a response to the youngster's negative behavior by exposing the Aspergers child to something he or she regards as unpleasant. Examples of punishments might include having to redo the correct behavior so many times that it becomes annoying; verbal reproaches; or the military standby—"drop and give me fifty"—having to do pushups or sit-ups or laps around a playing field to the point of discomfort.

The least challenging problems, which have the greatest likelihood of successful change, are tackled first, in hope of giving the family a "success experience." The success experience is a positive reinforcement for the family, increasing the likelihood that they will continue using PARENT MANAGEMENT TRAINING in efforts to bring about change. In addition, lower-level behavioral problems provide opportunities for moms and dads to become skilled in intervening and to learn consistency in their responses. After the parents have practiced using the skills learned in PARENT MANAGEMENT TRAINING on the less important problems, more severe issues can be tackled.

In addition to face-to-face sessions with the parents, some PARENT MANAGEMENT TRAINING therapists make frequent telephone calls to the moms and dads between sessions. The purposes of the calls are to remind moms and dads to continue to be consistent in applying the techniques; to answer questions about the work at home; and to praise the parents' attempts to correct the youngster's behavior. In addition, ongoing support in sessions and on the telephone helps parents feel less isolated and thus more likely to continue trying to use learning principles in managing their youngster. Troubleshooting any problems that arise regarding the application of the behavioral techniques is handled over the telephone and in the office sessions.

An additional aspect of learning theory is that rewarding subunits of the ultimately desired behavior can lead to developing more complex new actions. The subunits are finally linked together by changing the ways in which the rewards are given. This process is called "chaining." Sometimes, if the youngster shows no elements of the desired response, then the desired behavior is demonstrated for the Aspergers child and subsequent "near hits" or approximations are rewarded. To refine "close but not quite" into the targeted response, rewards are given in a slightly "pickier" manner. Rewarding successive approximations of the desired behavior is also called "shaping."

Risks—

The best way to learn to alter parental responses to Aspergers child behaviors is with the support and assistance of a behavioral health professional (psychologist, psychiatrist, clinical social worker). As noted earlier, moms and dads often inadvertently reinforce the problem behaviors, and it is difficult for a parent to see objectively the ways in which he or she is unintentionally supporting the defiant or difficult behavior. Furthermore, inappropriate application of such behavioral techniques as those used in PARENT MANAGEMENT TRAINING can actually make the problem situation worse. Families should seek therapists with valid credentials, skills, training and experience in PARENT MANAGEMENT TRAINING.

Normal results—

Typically, the parents should notice a decrease in the unwanted behaviors after they implement the techniques learned in PARENT MANAGEMENT TRAINING at home. Of the various therapies used to treat childhood disorders, PARENT MANAGEMENT TRAINING is among those most frequently researched. PARENT MANAGEMENT TRAINING has shown effectiveness in changing Aspergers kid's behavior in very well-designed and rigorous studies. PARENT MANAGEMENT TRAINING has a greater effect on behavior than many other treatments, including family therapy or play therapy.

Furthermore, the results— improved child behavior and reduction or elimination of undesirable behavior— are sustained over the long term. When a group of kids whose families had used PARENT MANAGEMENT TRAINING were examined one to fourteen years later, they had maintained higher rates of positive behavior and lower levels of problem behavior.

Son has difficulty picking up on social cues...

"Our 10-year-old son is diagnosed with high functioning autism. He is bright and inquisitive, but has great difficulty picking up on social cues and understanding many aspects of friendship. We struggle to coach him in these areas ...our explanations often don’t make sense to him. Any suggestions?"

Click here for the answer...

Aspergers Children and Disruptive Behavior


Aspergers and high-functioning autistic kids with disruptive behavior need a higher level of supervision than other "typical" kids of the same age. However, supervision does not always have to be by the parent. In fact, because defiant behavior is often directed primarily at parents and teachers, parents may find that alternative caregivers, such as competent babysitters or aides, are able to develop good relationships with the youngster that provide social learning for the youngster and valuable respite for moms and dads.

Find ways to maintain a positive relationship with your Aspergers youngster. Pay attention to his good qualities and find joy in the moments of closeness. We naturally avoid people who cause us anxiety and are angered when they hurt us. But, we love our kids and that drives us forward to seek healing for them and for us. You need an outlet for your own feelings, so seek out support to help you cope. Many moms and dads also find that they need support to maintain a healthy, supportive marriage in difficult situations.

Get a plan and stick with it. Learn all you can about how to effectively manage your Aspergers youngster's behavior. Find what works for you, and then use those strategies in a consistent and structured way. Routines and clear expectations for behavior benefit all kids. They are vital to the healthy development of the disruptive youngster.

Respite and parent support are important because moms and dads need to be in control of their own emotions during difficult episodes with the Aspergers youngster. These kids enjoy making you mad, and they are good at it. Moms and dads need to maintain an emotionally neutral stance when giving instructions or consequences to the disruptive youngster. This skill doesn't come naturally and must be practiced and perfected over time. If moms and dads don't learn to control their own emotions when disciplining the youngster, the result is often violence and escalation of the disorder.

In working with disruptive Aspergers kids, I like to keep in mind the model I learned from Assertiveness Training. When a youngster has a need or desire to communicate, he may present it in one of three ways:

1. Unassertive (passive) communication - I lose, you win.
2. Aggressive communication - I win, you lose.
3. Assertive communication - I win, you win.

It may seem odd that the best thing to do to help disruptive Aspergers kids is the same thing you do to help shy kids, teach assertiveness! Of course you are coming at it from a different angle. The first step in changing the pattern of disruptive behavior in your youngster is to develop a sense of empathy. Observe and discuss with your youngster the emotions of others to help him understand how people feel when they are treated badly. TV and books are useful tools for teaching your youngster to recognize the feelings of others. Treat your youngster with empathy and respect, and he will learn to treat others in the same way.

An ideal opportunity to teach your Aspergers youngster how to handle angry feelings is when you and your spouse have an argument. Your youngster can learn principles of listening well, remaining calm, cooling off, and negotiating a solution by your example. Do you and your spouse often lose control emotionally? Name-calling, hateful words, and, of course, physical aggression by parents are directly modeled by disruptive kids.

Harsh physical punishment and abuse also lead to an aggressive pattern of externalizing painful emotions. Aggression in Aspergers kids is related to Oppositional Defiant and Conduct Disorders. These disorders set the stage for many long years of delinquency, substance abuse, poor relationships, and maladaptation in young adulthood. The destructive cycle is only stopped by learning self-control, a lesson best learned in childhood.

Aspergers kids need to understand the difference between right and wrong. A healthy sense of guilt when they do wrong is a good thing. Feeling "shame" rather than "guilt", however, is associated with disruptive behavior. What is the difference between shame and guilt, and why is it important? Probably because guilt is focused more on the transgression than the self, guilt seems to motivate restitution, confession, and apologizing rather than avoidance. Now you know why experts say condemn the behavior, not the youngster. It's a delicate balance for moms and dads, but an important one. In the same vein, parents should be realistic in their praise of the youngster. As kids reach the elementary years, they need to have an accurate perception of their abilities and relationships. Some interesting current research suggests that kids who have an unrealistically positive perception of themselves are more disruptive.

Aspergers kids do model aggressive behavior from TV, movies, and games. This has been demonstrated convincingly in the research. If your youngster has a problem with disruptive behavior, you should definitely limit or eliminate his viewing of this type of programming now.

My Aspergers Child: Help for Parents with Disruptive Aspergers Children & Teens

Crucial Strategies for Parents of Challenging Kids on the Autism Spectrum

    Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum :   ==> How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children ...