Son has difficulty picking up on social cues...

"Our 10-year-old son is diagnosed with high functioning autism. He is bright and inquisitive, but has great difficulty picking up on social cues and understanding many aspects of friendship. We struggle to coach him in these areas ...our explanations often don’t make sense to him. Any suggestions?"

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Aspergers Children and Disruptive Behavior

Aspergers and high-functioning autistic kids with disruptive behavior need a higher level of supervision than other "typical" kids of the same age. However, supervision does not always have to be by the parent. In fact, because defiant behavior is often directed primarily at parents and teachers, parents may find that alternative caregivers, such as competent babysitters or aides, are able to develop good relationships with the youngster that provide social learning for the youngster and valuable respite for moms and dads.

Find ways to maintain a positive relationship with your Aspergers youngster. Pay attention to his good qualities and find joy in the moments of closeness. We naturally avoid people who cause us anxiety and are angered when they hurt us. But, we love our kids and that drives us forward to seek healing for them and for us. You need an outlet for your own feelings, so seek out support to help you cope. Many moms and dads also find that they need support to maintain a healthy, supportive marriage in difficult situations.

Get a plan and stick with it. Learn all you can about how to effectively manage your Aspergers youngster's behavior. Find what works for you, and then use those strategies in a consistent and structured way. Routines and clear expectations for behavior benefit all kids. They are vital to the healthy development of the disruptive youngster.

Respite and parent support are important because moms and dads need to be in control of their own emotions during difficult episodes with the Aspergers youngster. These kids enjoy making you mad, and they are good at it. Moms and dads need to maintain an emotionally neutral stance when giving instructions or consequences to the disruptive youngster. This skill doesn't come naturally and must be practiced and perfected over time. If moms and dads don't learn to control their own emotions when disciplining the youngster, the result is often violence and escalation of the disorder.

In working with disruptive Aspergers kids, I like to keep in mind the model I learned from Assertiveness Training. When a youngster has a need or desire to communicate, he may present it in one of three ways:

1. Unassertive (passive) communication - I lose, you win.

2. Aggressive communication - I win, you lose.

3. Assertive communication - I win, you win.

It may seem odd that the best thing to do to help disruptive Aspergers kids is the same thing you do to help shy kids, teach assertiveness! Of course you are coming at it from a different angle. The first step in changing the pattern of disruptive behavior in your youngster is to develop a sense of empathy. Observe and discuss with your youngster the emotions of others to help him understand how people feel when they are treated badly. TV and books are useful tools for teaching your youngster to recognize the feelings of others. Treat your youngster with empathy and respect, and he will learn to treat others in the same way.

An ideal opportunity to teach your Aspergers youngster how to handle angry feelings is when you and your spouse have an argument. Your youngster can learn principles of listening well, remaining calm, cooling off, and negotiating a solution by your example. Do you and your spouse often lose control emotionally? Name-calling, hateful words, and, of course, physical aggression by parents are directly modeled by disruptive kids.

Harsh physical punishment and abuse also lead to an aggressive pattern of externalizing painful emotions. Aggression in Aspergers kids is related to Oppositional Defiant and Conduct Disorders. These disorders set the stage for many long years of delinquency, substance abuse, poor relationships, and maladaptation in young adulthood. The destructive cycle is only stopped by learning self-control, a lesson best learned in childhood.

Aspergers kids need to understand the difference between right and wrong. A healthy sense of guilt when they do wrong is a good thing. Feeling "shame" rather than "guilt", however, is associated with disruptive behavior. What is the difference between shame and guilt, and why is it important? Probably because guilt is focused more on the transgression than the self, guilt seems to motivate restitution, confession, and apologizing rather than avoidance. Now you know why experts say condemn the behavior, not the youngster. It's a delicate balance for moms and dads, but an important one. In the same vein, parents should be realistic in their praise of the youngster. As kids reach the elementary years, they need to have an accurate perception of their abilities and relationships. Some interesting current research suggests that kids who have an unrealistically positive perception of themselves are more disruptive.

Aspergers kids do model aggressive behavior from TV, movies, and games. This has been demonstrated convincingly in the research. If your youngster has a problem with disruptive behavior, you should definitely limit or eliminate his viewing of this type of programming now.

My Aspergers Child: Help for Parents with Disruptive Aspergers Children & Teens

Aspergers Students: Tips for Teachers

Students with Aspergers (high functioning autism) are unique, and they can affect the learning environment in both positive and negative ways. In the classroom, the Aspergers child can present a challenge for the most experienced teacher. These children can also contribute a lot to the classroom because they can be extremely creative and see things and execute various tasks in different ways. Teachers can learn a lot when they have a child with Aspergers in their class, but the teacher may experience some very challenging days too. Here are some tips for teachers to consider:

Every child with Aspergers is different.

As a teacher you want to take the information you have acquired and apply it, but every Aspergers child is different, so it's difficult to take knowledge you have gained from one experience, and apply it to a situation with another child with Aspergers. Remember that each child with Aspergers is unique, and strategies that have worked with other students in the past may not work effectively with the Aspergers child because they perceive the world in a unique way, and they sometimes react to their environment in unpredictable ways.

Avoid demanding the student with Aspergers maintain eye contact with you.

Eye contact is a form of communication in American culture; we assume a person is giving us their attention if they look at us. The Aspergers child experiences difficulty with eye contact; it is extremely hard for them to focus their eyes on a person for any extended period of time. Limited eye contact is a part of the disability. Don't demand an Asperger child look you in the eye as you are talking to them--this is extremely difficult for them to do.

Aspergers students frequently are visual learners.

Despite difficulties with eye contact, many Aspergers children are visual learners. Much of the information presented in classrooms is oral, and often children with Aspergers may have difficulty with processing language. Often they cannot take in oral language quickly, and presenting information visually may be more helpful. Many Aspergers children are "hands-on" learners.

Aspergers students and "showing work".

Many teachers require children to "show their work"; in other words, illustrate how they got the answer to a problem."Showing work" is a demand that usually accompanies math homework. This may not be the best strategy with the Aspergers child, and may in fact lead to a big disagreement with the child.

Since many Aspergers children are visual learners, they picture how to solve the problem in their heads. To make them write out how they got the answer seems quite illogical to them. Why would you waste your time writing out something you can see in your head? The requirement of "showing work" simply does not make any sense to them, and it may not be worth the time it would take to convince them to do the requirement anyway.

If the student with Aspergers is staring off into space or doodling, don't assume they're not listening.

Remember the Aspergers child may experience difficulty with communication, especially nonverbal communication. What appears to the teacher to be behavior illustrating a lack of attention on the part of the child may not be that at all. In fact, the Aspergers child who is doodling or staring off may actually be trying to focus him or herself through the act of doodling or staring. The child is unaware that nonverbally s/he is communicating to the teacher that "I'm not listening, or I'm bored." Doodling or staring may actually help the child with Aspergers focus more on what the teacher is presenting. You might simply ask the child a question to check if he or she is listening.

Students with Aspergers may experience difficulties with focusing as well as lack of focus.

Focus involves attention. Sometimes Aspergers children focus all their attention on a particular object or subject; therefore, they fail to focus on what information the instructor is presenting. All their energy is directed toward a particular subject or object. Why? Because that object or subject is not overwhelming to them and they understand it.

To overcome this problem, the teacher can try to establish some connection between the object or subject of interest and the area of study. For example, if a child is fascinated with skateboarding, the child could learn reading and writing skills through researching a famous skateboarder and writing a report. Math skills could be taught by looking at the statistics involving competitive skateboarders. The possibilities for instruction are endless, but it will take some time and creative planning on the part of the teacher.

Sensory issues affect learning for the student with Aspergers.

Often Aspergers children are distracted by something in the environment that they simply cannot control. To them, the ticking of the clock can seem like the beating of a drum, the breeze from an open window can feel like a tremendous gust, the smell of food from the cafeteria can overpower them and make them feel sick, the bright sunshine pouring through the windows may be almost blinding to them.

This sensory overload the Aspergers child experiences may overwhelm them, so focusing can be difficult and frustration occurs. Frustration can then lead to disruptions from the child. To cope with frustration, the child might choose to repeatedly tap a pencil on a desk (or another disruptive behavior) in order to focus because s/he is experiencing sensory overload. What appears disruptive to the teacher and the rest of the class may actually be a way for the Aspergers child to cope with the sensory overload.

Obviously, a teacher does not want disruptions in the classroom. Take time to evaluate the classroom in terms of sensory stimulation, and how the environment affects the child with Aspergers. Perhaps some modifications can be made, or the child can be taught some coping skills that are not disruptive to classmates, like squeezing a squishy ball in their hand or some similar activity.

Don't assume the student with Aspergers is disrupting class or misbehaving to get attention.

More often than not, children with Aspergers react to their environment, and sometimes the reaction can be negative. Sometimes the child may be reacting to a sensory issue, and other times the child may be reacting to a feeling of fear. The Aspergers child feels fear because of a lack of control over his/her response to the environment or because of a lack of predictability. The child with Aspergers does best with clear structure and routine. A visual schedule can be helpful for the child.

Students with Aspergers experience difficulty with transitions.

Often a child with Aspergers gets "stuck" and has difficulty moving from one activity to another. They may need to be coached through the transition, and if a typical school day is loaded with lots of transitions, the child faces increased anxiety. Moving from one activity to another is not a challenge for most children, but for the child with Aspergers transitions can be monumental tasks.

Some possible strategies a teacher, paraprofessional, or parent can use: visual schedules, role-playing or preparing the child by discussing upcoming activities. Appropriate strategies are dependent on the age of the child and his/her abilities.

As a teacher, paraprofessional or parent of a child with Aspergers, it's important to recognize the child's gifts as well as limitations. Children with Aspergers present a challenge for the people who work with them, but these children also enrich our lives. So when you're feeling frazzled, take a deep breath and remember that tomorrow is another day. This child will grow up and make a contribution to our world in some way we can only imagine, and you can help this child.

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

Aspergers Syndrome and Conduct Disorder

Although several studies have suggested an association between violent crime and Aspergers (high functioning autism), few have examined the underlying reasons. All kids display oppositional or aggressive behavior from time to time, especially when they are upset, tired, or hungry. Oppositional behavior, such as arguing, lying, and disobeying, is a normal part of development for kids and early teenagers. When this behavior is frequent or excessive, affects the youngster’s home or school life, or violates the rights of others, a conduct disorder may be present.

In this post, we will discuss the following:

What is conduct disorder?
What are the signs of conduct disorder?
How common is conduct disorder?
Who is at risk for conduct disorder?
What help is available for families?
What can parents do?
How to Identify Conduct Disorder
4 Crucial Mistakes in Dealing with Oppositional Behavior
The Best Way To Help Oppositional Children 

CLICK HERE for the full article...

Misdiagnosing ASD Level 1 [High-Functioning Autism]

"Is it possible for a child suspected of having HFA to be misdiagnosed as having a Personality Disorder?"

Personality disorders cannot be safely diagnosed prior to early adolescence. Still, though frequently found between the ages of 3 and 6, High-Functioning Autism [and Asperger's] is often misdiagnosed as a cluster B personality disorder, most often as the Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

1. The HFA Child

This child is self-centered and engrossed in a narrow range of interests and activities. Social and occupational interactions are severely hampered and conversational skills (the give and take of verbal intercourse) are primitive. The child's body language - eye to eye gaze, body posture, facial expressions - is constricted and artificial, akin to children with the Schizoid, Schizotypal, and Narcissistic Personality Disorders. Nonverbal cues are virtually absent and their interpretation in others lacking. Yet, HFA and personality pathologies have little in common.

2. Narcissistic Personality Disorder and HFA

Consider pathological narcissism. The narcissist switches between social agility and social impairment voluntarily. His social dysfunctioning is the outcome of conscious haughtiness and the reluctance to invest scarce mental energy in cultivating relationships with inferior and unworthy others. When confronted with potential Sources of Narcissistic Supply, however, the narcissist easily regains his social skills, his charm, and his gregariousness.

Many narcissists reach the highest rungs of their community, church, firm, or voluntary organization. Most of the time, they function flawlessly - though the inevitable blowups and the grating extortion of Narcissistic Supply usually put an end to the narcissist's career and social liaisons.

The HFA child often wants to be accepted socially, to have friends, to marry, to be sexually active, and to sire offspring. He just doesn't have a clue how to go about it. His affect is limited. His initiative - for instance, to share his experiences with nearest and dearest or to engage in foreplay - is thwarted. His ability to divulge his emotions stilted. He is incapable or reciprocating and is largely unaware of the wishes, needs, and feelings of his interlocutors or counter-parties.

Inevitably, children with HFA are perceived by others to be cold, eccentric, insensitive, indifferent, repulsive, exploitative or emotionally-absent. To avoid the pain of rejection, they confine themselves to solitary activities - but, unlike the schizoid, not by choice. They limit their world to a single topic, hobby, or person and dive in with the greatest, all-consuming intensity, excluding all other matters and everyone else. It is a form of hurt-control and pain regulation.

Thus, while the narcissist avoids pain by excluding, devaluing, and discarding others - the HFA child achieves the same result by withdrawing and by passionately incorporating in his universe only one or two people and one or two subjects of interest. Both narcissists and children on the autism spectrum are prone to react with depression to perceived slights and injuries - but HFA children are far more at risk of self-harm and suicide.

3. The use of language

Children with most personality disorders are skilled communicators and manipulators of language. In some personality disorders (Antisocial, Narcissistic, Histrionic, Paranoid) the child’s linguistic skills far surpass the average. The narcissist, for instance, hones language as an instrument and uses it to obtain Narcissistic Supply or as a weapon to obliterate his "enemies" and discarded sources with. Cerebral narcissists actually derive Narcissistic Supply from the consummate use they make of their innate loquaciousness.

In contrast, the HFA child, though verbose at times (and taciturn on other occasions) has a far more limited range of tediously repetitive topics. Youngsters on the autism spectrum fail to observe conversational rules and etiquette (for instance, let others speak in turn).

The HFA child is unaware and, therefore, unable to decipher body language and external social and nonverbal cues and gestures. He is incapable of monitoring his own misbehavior. Psychopaths, narcissists, borderlines, schizotypals, histrionics, paranoids, and schizoids are similarly inconsiderate - but they control their behavior and are fully cognizant of reactions by others. They simply choose to ignore these data.

==> Click here for information on the specific traits of high-functioning autism, and the corresponding recommended parenting strategies...

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book


==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

Best Comment:

My friend has been told his whole life that he has autism but meaning Aspergers, I learned that autistism is actually very different than Aspergers and autism revolves around not being able to learn meanwhile Aspergers is just a disorder meaning you cannot connect or feel with others. I realized I do not think my friend has Aspergers, he solializes perfectly with me, there are times he does not pick up social cues but he is still a very caring person and generally knows when something is wrong or right. I believe he has severe OCD, and anxiety because he gets so anxious he stutors and cannot talk and I think he had anger management as a child because he has every single sign in these disorders (not anger now... but still self harm when in upsetting situations in front of other people like he will bite himself and then say I bite myself when i'm upset, I know he does this for attention and it probably gets him attention at home, but when hes with me I don't pay attention to it so he doesn't do it really like he would at home, I think this was taught to him)I tried to tell him that he has OCD and he would not believe me but actually got offended, then later proceeded to tell me when he was getting diagnosed they had no idea if he had Aspergers or OCD, they actually had to decide upon it. His whole life he has been told everything he does is because of a disorder and that there isn't anything you can do and that basically that's just the way he is and I don't believe that to be true because he cares about others when he wants to. He only does what he does for attention because he did not get enough at home.