Preventing Tantrums and Meltdowns in Younger Children on the Autism Spectrum

“Do younger kids with ASD have meltdowns on purpose? Can they be prevented? What's the best way to respond? Should the child be punished for having a meltdown? When might meltdowns be a sign of something more serious? Sorry for all the questions, but we are trying to learn all we can to help or little girl.” 

A meltdown (which oftentimes looks like an intense temper tantrum) is the expression of an Aspergers or high-functioning autistic youngster's frustration with the physical, mental or emotional challenges of the moment. Physical challenges are things like hunger and thirst. Mental challenges are related to her difficulty learning or performing a specific task. Emotional challenges are more open to speculation. Still, whatever the challenge, frustration with the situation may fuel an ASD kid's anger — and erupt in a meltdown.

Consider this: Most 2-year-olds have a limited vocabulary. Moms and dads may understand what a toddler says only 50 percent of the time. Strangers understand even less. When your child wants to tell you something and you don't understand — or you don't comply with your youngster's wishes — you may have a meltdown on your hands.

Do young ASD kids have meltdowns on purpose?

It might seem as though your kid plans to misbehave simply to get on your nerves, but that's probably giving your youngster too much credit. Young kids on the autism spectrum don't have evil plans to frustrate or embarrass their moms and dads. A young kid's world is right there in sight, at the end of his or her nose. Your youngster doesn't enjoy throwing a tantrum any more than you enjoy dealing with a meltdown.

==> How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Aspergers and High Functioning Autism

Can meltdowns be prevented?

There may be no fool-proof way to prevent meltdowns, but there's plenty you can do to encourage good behavior in even the youngest ASD child:

• Avoid situations likely to trigger meltdowns. If your kid begs for toys or treats when you shop, steer clear of "temptation islands" full of eye-level goodies. If your youngster acts up in restaurants, make reservations so that you won't have to wait — or choose restaurants that offer quick service.
• Be consistent. Establish a daily routine so that your kid knows what to expect. Stick to the routine as much as possible, including nap time and bedtime. It's also important to set reasonable limits and follow them consistently.
• Encourage your daughter to use words. Young kids understand many more words than they're able to express. If your youngster isn't speaking — or speaking clearly — you might teach him or her sign language for words such as "I want," "more," "enough," "hurt" and "tired." The more easily your youngster can communicate with you, the less likely you are to struggle with meltdowns. As your kid gets older, help him or her put feelings into words.
• Let your youngster make choices. To give your youngster a sense of control, let him or her make appropriate choices. Would you like to wear your red shirt or your blue shirt? Would you like to eat strawberries or bananas? Would you like to read a book or build a tower with your blocks? Then compliment your youngster on his or her choices.
• Plan ahead. If you need to run errands, go early in the day — when your youngster isn't likely to be hungry or tired. If you're expecting to wait in line, pack a small toy or snack to occupy your youngster .
• Praise good behavior. Offer extra attention when your kid behaves well. Tell him or her how proud you are when he or she shares toys, listens to directions, and so on.
• Use distraction. If you sense a meltdown brewing, distract her. Try making a silly face or changing location. It may help to touch or hold your youngster .

What's the best way to respond to a meltdown?

If you can, pretend to ignore the meltdown. If you lose your cool or give in to your ASD kid's demands, you've only taught your youngster that meltdowns are effective.

If your youngster has a meltdown at home, you can act as if it's not interrupting things. After he or she quiets down, you might say, "I noticed your behavior, but that won't get my attention. If you need to tell me something, you need to use your words."

If your child has a meltdown in public, pretending to ignore the behavior is still the best policy. Some parents who witness the scene may sympathize with you as you ignore the meltdown. If the meltdown escalates or your youngster is in danger of hurting himself or herself, stop what you're doing and remove your youngster from the situation. If your youngster calms down, you may be able to return to your activity. If not, go home — even if it means leaving a cart full of groceries in the middle of the store. At home, discuss with your child the type of behavior you would have preferred.

Should an ASD kid be punished for having a meltdown?

Meltdown? No.

Tantrums? This calls for a different approach.

Tempter tantrums are a normal part of growing up. Rather than punishing your daughter, remind her that tantrums aren't appropriate. Sometimes a simple reminder to "use your words" is adequate. For a temper tantrum that caused you to abandon an activity in public — try a timeout.

During a timeout, your youngster can sit someplace calming — such as in a chair in the living room — for a certain length of time, usually one minute for each year of the kid's age. You can pretend that you don't even see your kid during the timeout, but you can still assure his or her safety. If your youngster begins to wander around, simply place him or her back in the designated timeout spot. Remind your youngster that he or she is in timeout, but don't offer any other attention. Eventually, your youngster may even take his or her own timeout at the first sign of a tantrum — before a negative cloud surrounds you both.

When might meltdowns be a sign of something more serious?

As your youngster's self-control improves, meltdowns should become less common. Many kids on the spectrum  outgrow meltdowns by age 4, although in some cases meltdowns can continue into adolescence. If your older ASD child is still having meltdowns, the meltdowns seem especially severe or the meltdowns have pushed you beyond your ability to cope, share your concerns with his or her doctor. These may be signs that something else is going on. The doctor will consider physical or psychological problems that may be contributing to the meltdowns, as well as give you additional tips to help you deal with your youngster's behavior.

==> How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Aspergers and High Functioning Autism

==> Click here for more information on meltdowns and tantrums, and the parenting strategies to deal with them...


COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said… I agree that puberty seems to be a factor. Our 13 yo had one of his worst ones yet yesterday. He's so ashamed afterwards I don't have the heart to punish that
•    Anonymous said… I feel like meltdowns often still occur past the age of 4. This is the first article that I disagree with. Although the skill tips are on point with removing child from area, finding a safe place and trying to avoid the circumstances all together.
•    Anonymous said… I'm just learning like everyone else here how to handle my daughter with her Aspergers but one thing I feel is she should never be punished for having a melt down. HOW she handles the meltdown might need to be addressed but we talk. Or I let her indulge in her "peaceful place"...the iPad. It's her way of taking a time out and we all need a time out once in a while.
•    Anonymous said… Meltdowns are caused by sensory issues. Usually the child is out of control and cannot express what they are upset about. They are caused by input of senses. In tantrums, the child is looking for attention, is upset about something, cannot put into words what he/she is upset about but it's usually directed at someone/something. In my son we can tell the difference.
•    Anonymous said… My daughter is now 12. We have come an extremely long way. She started school at 3 in a developmentally delayed class but by the time she reached kindergarten she took a huge turn and was placed in normal classes. She is now in 7th grade in Spark, Gifted Arts, Beta club, french club, band etc. She is a straight A student. She has recently tested high in her class on a pre-test to take the ACTs this year and if she tests high enough she could skip 8th grade! (Which she doesn't want to do but still wants to test) I told you all of this because I had a totally different approach to her "gift". Although she is different from other kids I never once treated her different. When she threw a tantrum she was punished depending on the severity of the tantrum this could mean a spanking, timeout, something she loved taken away (her obsession was Sonic the hedgehog). Once she calmed down we sat her down and asked her #1 To explain what she did wrong and asked her why she acted the way she did and #2 had her give examples of a better reaction as to what she could have done differently. We taught her to divert things that worked up her nerves by thinking or doing something that made her happy. She will continue to get punished for her poor choices or tantrums because she has to learn how to behave and act. We do not use her "gift" as a crutch or excuse for why she acts out, etc. When she was young and threw a tantrum in public I absolutely removed her from the situation. I don't agree with ignoring the tantrum. I understand that no two kids are alike on the spectrum but this has worked for us. Most importantly we kept God and our faith in the center of her life as well as an extremely supportive family and extended family that followed how we dealt with her. I know that she will grow up to be a productive member of society and do great things.
•    Anonymous said… My son is 10 and still has them
•    Anonymous said… No meltdowns should not be punished. They can't properly express their feelings the way that we can, they become overwhelmed more easily. And no they don't do them on purpose. Set limits with the kids. Enforce these limits. Comfort them when they go through the meltdowns, sometimes that helps bring them out of them.
•    Anonymous said… Um my daughter is 11 and actually has had some of the worst meltdowns ever recently. Her doctors and I have attributed this to puberty beginning as well as the stress of middle school. I agree that time outs are helpful and of course keeping your cool. It's hilarious to say that in public other parents witnessing a meltdown will sympathize with you though, lol. Not even as a toddler was that true.

Post your comment below…

Aspergers Syndrome and Oppositional Defiant Disorder [ODD] Combination

Even the best-behaved Aspergers children can be difficult and challenging at times. Aspergers adolescents are often moody and argumentative. But if your Aspergers child or adolescent has a persistent pattern of tantrums, arguing, and angry or disruptive behaviors toward you and other authority figures, he or she may have oppositional defiant disorder (ODD). As many as one in 10 Aspergers children may have ODD in a lifetime.

Treatment of ODD involves therapy and possibly medications to treat related mental health conditions. As a parent, you don't have to go it alone in trying to manage an Aspergers child with ODD. Doctors, counselors and child development experts can help you learn specific strategies to address ODD.

Symptoms—

It may be tough at times to recognize the difference between a strong-willed or emotional child and one with ODD. Certainly there's a range between the normal independence-seeking behavior of Aspergers kids and ODD. It's normal to exhibit oppositional behaviors at certain stages of a youngster's development.

However, your Aspergers child's issue may be ODD if your youngster's oppositional behaviors:

• Are clearly disruptive to the family and home or school environment
• Are persistent
• Have lasted at least six months

The following are behaviors associated with ODD:

• Defiance
• Disobedience
• Hostility directed toward authority figures
• Negativity

These behaviors might cause your Aspergers child to regularly and consistently show these symptoms:

• Academic problems
• Acting touchy and easily annoyed
• Aggressiveness toward peers
• Anger and resentment
• Argumentativeness with adults
• Blaming others for mistakes or misbehavior
• Deliberate annoyance of other people
• Difficulty maintaining friendships
• Frequent temper tantrums
• Refusal to comply with adult requests or rules
• Spiteful or vindictive behavior

Related mental health issues—

ODD often occurs along with other behavioral or mental health problems such as attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), anxiety or depression. The symptoms of ODD may be difficult to distinguish from those of other behavioral or mental health problems.

It's important to diagnose and treat any co-occurring illnesses because they can create or worsen irritability and defiance if left untreated. Additionally, it's important to identify and treat any related substance abuse and dependence. Substance abuse and dependence in Aspergers kids or adolescents is often associated with irritability and changes in the Aspergers child or adolescent's usual personality.

Causes—

There's no clear cause underpinning ODD. Contributing causes may include:

• A biochemical or neurological factor
• A genetic component that when coupled with certain environmental conditions — such as lack of supervision, poor quality child care or family instability — increases the risk of ODD
• The Aspergers child's inherent temperament
• The Aspergers child's perception that he or she isn't getting enough of the parent's time and attention
• The family's response to the youngster's style

Risk factors—

A number of factors play a role in the development of ODD. ODD is a complex problem involving a variety of influences, circumstances and genetic components. No single factor causes ODD. Possible risk factors include:

• Being abused or neglected
• Exposure to violence
• Family instability such as occurs with divorce, multiple moves, or changing schools or child care providers frequently
• Financial problems in the family
• Harsh or inconsistent discipline
• Having a parent with a mood or substance abuse disorder
• Lack of supervision
• Moms and dads with a history of ADHD, ODD or conduct problems
• Poor relationship with one or both moms and dads
• Substance abuse in the Aspergers child or adolescent

When to seek medical advice—

If you're concerned about your Aspergers child's behavior or your own ability to parent a challenging youngster, seek help from your doctor, a child psychologist or child behavioral expert. Your primary care doctor or your youngster's pediatrician can refer you to someone.

The earlier this disorder can be managed, the better the chances of reversing its effects on your Aspergers child and your family. Treatment can help restore your youngster's self-esteem and rebuild a positive relationship between you and your Aspergers child.

Tests and diagnosis—

Behavioral and mental health conditions are difficult to diagnose definitively. There's no blood test or imaging technique that can pinpoint an exact cause of behavioral symptoms, though these tests are sometimes used to rule out certain conditions. Physicians and other health professionals rely on:

• Information gained from interviewing the Aspergers child
• Information gathered from moms and dads and teachers, who may fill out questionnaires
• Their clinical judgment and experience

Normal child and adolescent behavior and development can be challenging in their own right, but ODD is distinct due to the frequent and significant disruptions that are caused in the youngster's life at home, school, or in a job where authority figures have clear limits and expectations for behavior.

It can be difficult for doctors to sort and exclude other associated disorders — for example, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder versus ODD. These two disorders are commonly diagnosed together.

Complications—

Many Aspergers kids with ODD have other treatable conditions, such as:

• Anxiety
• Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
• Depression

If these conditions are left untreated, managing ODD can be very difficult for the moms and dads, and frustrating for the affected Aspergers child. Kids with ODD may have trouble in school with teachers and other authority figures and may struggle to make and keep friends.

ODD may be a precursor to other, more severe behavioral disorders such as conduct disorder, but this is controversial.

Treatments and drugs—

Ideally, treatment for ODD involves your primary care doctor and a qualified mental health professional or child development professional. It may also help to seek the services of a psychologist specializing in family therapy.

These health professionals can screen for and treat other mental health problems that may be interfering with ODD, such as ADHD, anxiety or depression. Successful treatment of the often-coexisting conditions will improve the effectiveness of treatment for ODD. In some cases, the symptoms of ODD disappear entirely.

Successful treatment of ODD requires commitment and follow-through by you as a parent and by others involved in your youngster's care. Most important in treatment is for you to show consistent, unconditional love and acceptance of your Aspergers child — even during difficult and disruptive situations. Doing so can be tough for even the most patient moms and dads.

Learning or improving parental skills—

A mental health professional can help you learn or strengthen specific skills and parenting techniques to help improve your Aspergers child's behavior and strengthen your relationship with him or her. For example, you can learn how to:

• Avoid power struggles
• Establish a schedule for the family that includes specific meals that will be eaten at home together, and specific activities one or both moms and dads will do with the Aspergers child
• Give effective timeouts
• Limit consequences to those that can be consistently reinforced and if possible, last for a limited amount of time
• Offer acceptable choices to your Aspergers child, giving him or her a certain amount of control
• Recognize and praise your Aspergers child's good behaviors and positive characteristics
• Remain calm and unemotional in the face of opposition

Success requires perseverance, hard work—

Although some parent management techniques may seem like common sense, learning to use them in the face of opposition isn't easy, especially if there are other stressors at home. Learning these skills may require counseling, parenting classes or other forms of education, and consistent practice and patience.

At first, your Aspergers child is not likely to be cooperative or to appreciate your changed response to his or her behavior. Expect that you'll have setbacks and relapses, and be prepared with a plan to manage those times. In fact, behavior often temporarily worsens when new limits and expectations are set. However, with perseverance and consistency, the initial hard work often pays off with improved behavior and relationships.

Individual and family counseling—

Individual counseling for your Aspergers child may help him or her learn to manage anger. Family counseling may help improve communication and relationships and help family members learn how to work together.

Lifestyle and home remedies—

At home, you can begin chipping away at problem behaviors by practicing the following:

• Assign your Aspergers child a household chore that's essential and that won't get done unless the youngster does it. Initially, it's important to set your youngster up for success with tasks that are relatively easy to achieve and gradually blend in more important and challenging expectations.
• Build in time together. Develop a consistent weekly schedule that involves moms and dads and youngster being together.
• Model the behavior you want your Aspergers child to have.
• Pick your battles. Avoid power struggles.
• Recognize and praise your Aspergers child's positive behaviors.
• Set limits and enforce consistent reasonable consequences.
• Set up a routine. Develop a consistent daily schedule for your Aspergers child.
• Work with your spouse or others in your household to assure consistent and appropriate discipline procedures.

Coping and support—

For yourself, counseling can provide an outlet for your own mental health concerns that could interfere with the successful treatment of your Aspergers child's symptoms. If you're depressed or anxious, that could lead to disengagement from your Aspergers child — and that can trigger or worsen oppositional behaviors. Here are some tips:

• Be forgiving. Let go of things that you or your Aspergers child did in the past. Start each day with a fresh outlook and a clean slate.
• Learn ways to calm yourself. Keeping your own cool models the behavior you want from your Aspergers child.
• Take time for yourself. Develop outside interests, get some exercise and spend some time away from your Aspergers child to restore your energy.

==> My Aspergers Child: Help for Parents with Aspergers and ODD Children 

Aspergers, Sensory Integration Disorder, and Anxiety

Question

My son is 8 and has Asperger's with sensory integration disorder. Recently he was having a LOT of anxiety, biting his nails until they bleed, he worries, etc. His pediatrician prescribed a low dose of Prozac and we had 2 weeks of that. It was a disaster… it really badly affected his sleeping habits. We stopped him cold turkey and now realize that wasn't the right thing to do. We stopped the medication about 2 weeks ago.

About one week ago he started having real problems in school with paying attention, etc. Now the Dr wants to put him on Concerta and I am just worried. He is very fidgety and has a really hard time sitting still and paying attention. But I fear that once we start on these meds it will be a merry-go-round that we can't get off of.

Answer

Although parents are often tempted to give up on a medicine when their youngster is having problems with it, since any medicine can cause side effects, it is often better to adjust the dose before switching to a new medicine. This can be especially helpful for kids having side effects from stimulants, with often include aggression, appetite suppression, and insomnia. In many of these situations, decreasing the dosage can eliminate the side effect. Unfortunately, it may also cause the dosage to be so low that it doesn't control your youngster's symptoms anymore.

Other times, a change to a different medicine can make a world of difference. Although similar meds have similar side effects, they do seem to affect kids differently. So, Adderall XR might cause one youngster to be very aggressive and moody, while another might do great and not have any side effects at all.

Although Concerta is a long acting form of Ritalin that does usually last for 10 to 12 hours, it only gives about 22 percent of the dose in the morning. If your son’s Concerta isn't working in the morning, it may be that he needs a higher dose, which would also increase his morning dose. A higher dose would also increase his afternoon dose though, which he may not need if he had been otherwise doing well. In this situation, a different med might work better.

15 year old son recently started having more meltdowns...

Question

My 15 year old son recently started having more meltdowns, is there a way to convince my wife that too much information may start these meltdowns. Such as repeating herself too many times when giving him direction for something that he really doesn't want to do?

Answer

Yes. Please refer to the "Anger Management" chapter [in Session #3] in the online version of My Aspergers Child eBook. Be sure to (a) read the text as well as (b) watch the instructional videos on that webpage.

My son with Aspergers tends to be tactless...

Question

My son with Aspergers tends to be tactless, very literal and overly honest and idealistic-is there any way that I can help him to be able to get a long a little better socially?

Answer

Socialization is a necessary component of life. Social communication is how we interact with the people around us. If a child struggles with socialization and communication, he will have problems getting along with his peers.

Asperger’s Syndrome manifests differently in each individual, although all children with Asperger’s have some form of social and communication deficit. There are ways to help turn your concerns into non-issues. You can help your son achieve a more balanced social life. You can start working on this at home where he is most comfortable.

Social stories are stories written about different real-life situations that follow the desired steps to correct problems in social behaviors. You can find books filled with social stories on the Internet or at your local library. You could even write you own, tailoring the stories to fit your son’s specific trouble spots. If you decide to use social stories, you should also pursue other options. A multiple-therapy approach is your best bet for a good outcome.

If your son has a program in place that includes occupational therapy, ask for a consultation with his therapist to add specific social communication goals. When you think of occupational therapy, you tend to think of something other than these types of problems. In reality, these therapists are very good at helping Asperger’s children learn to use correct social skills, as well as most other living skills. Most therapists will offer parent training sessions, as they are usually happy to know that the parent is interested enough to invest the time in their child.

Finally, check with your local Asperger’s support group or your child’s school system for available social skills groups. These groups are usually led by a psychologist or a therapist and provide opportunities for the Asperger’s child to practice social skills in a controlled environment. You can then follow through with extra practice at home.

There are books available that will help you work on social and communication skills completely at home. One such book is “Social Skills Training for Children and Adolescents with Asperger Syndrome and Social-Communication Problems” by Jed E. Baker”.

This book is an entire social skills curriculum complete with reproducible handouts and activity sheets. It covers all of the skills that cause most of the problems for children with Asperger’s and is a complete training package for Asperger’s kids of all ages. This program is very user-friendly and very detailed. You are sure to find specific examples of and solutions for the issues you see in your child.

All of these suggestions can be applied at home with a little training. You can help your son develop better social skills, enhancing his perspective and insuring a bright future.