Hitting, Biting and Kicking: How to Stop Aggressive Behavior in Aspergers Children

"Our 5 y.o. son with Aspergers [high functioning] can be very aggressive when he's frustrated. He's not beyond attacking whoever is the closest to him at the time, especially his playmates and siblings. He will push, spit, hit, kick ...and it's uncontrollable once his anger reaches that level. Any suggestions?!"

Few situations are more difficult to deal with than having a youngster who is aggressive toward other kids. It can be embarrassing as well as frightening when your Aspergers (high functioning autistic) youngster bites, hits, scratches or kicks to get his or her way. It’s not uncommon for younger Aspergers kids to engage in this type of behavior at various points in their development and in a variety of settings.

However, when it becomes very frequent or seems to be their consistent way of reacting to something they don’t like, it’s time to step in and help them change their behavior. The first step is understanding the underlying reasons why your Aspergers youngster is choosing to act out this way. The more you understand what’s happening, the better you’ll be able to help them find other, non-aggressive ways to solve their problems.

Initially, between the ages of 18 months to 2 years, Aspergers kids find it extremely hard to communicate their needs to their moms & dads, caregivers, and other kids. Negative behaviors are one way they may choose to get their point across. For older Aspergers kids between the ages of three and six, such behaviors may be the result of never having learned appropriate, non-aggressive ways of communicating when they were faced with a difficult situation. The cause of aggressive behaviors may be due to any or all of the following:

• Being placed in a stressful situation
• Exhaustion
• Extreme frustration or anger
• Inadequate speech development
• Lack of adult supervision
• Lack of routine
• Mirroring the aggressive behaviors of other kids around them
• Over-stimulation
• Self-defense

One place to begin is to watch your youngster for cues to see if any of the situations described above brings about aggressive behavior. Learning as much as you can about the factors that trigger bad behavior is the best way to combat it when it occurs next time. Some questions you should ask yourself:

• How is his aggressiveness expressed? Is it through angry words or through angry behaviors? Does he become verbally aggressive first and then physically aggressive, or is his first response to strike out and hit?

• What seems to cause your youngster to act out in an aggressive fashion? Is it triggered by frustration, anger, or excitement? Notice if there are patterns. Does he act this way when toys are involved, and he’s frustrated about sharing? Or does he become aggressive when there is too much going on and he’s over-stimulated? If you observe the situations carefully, you will likely notice patterns.

• Who does my youngster hit, bite or kick? Does he do it to one friend in particular? Does he only do it to me? Or does he tend to be aggressive with whomever he is with? If it’s one person in particular, try to find out if there’s a reason why he’s attacking that youngster such as engaging in overly aggressive play, a poor match of temperaments or a lack of clear cut rules before play begins.

By answering these questions, you are on your way to successfully limiting your youngster’s aggressive behavior in the future. In this article, I’ll outline some ways that you can help your youngster become more aware of his aggressive feelings and teach him to calm himself down, or find alternative ways to solve his problems. We’ll also talk about giving consequences to kids when they do lash out and hurt someone. In my experience, consequences are imperative to ending aggressive behavior in young kids.

They teach your youngster that all behaviors have a consequence, whether good or bad, and will help him make better choices in the future when he is with his friends. Once you’ve narrowed down the reasons why your youngster is behaving aggressively, it’s time to intervene.

Step in and Stop it immediately—

At the first sign that your youngster is about to become aggressive, immediately step in and remove him from the situation. Be careful not to give too much attention to your youngster so that you do not give any negative reinforcement for the bad behavior. Too much attention can include trying to “talk through” the problem.

Young kids are not able to hear long explanations of why their behavior was offensive. A simple yet firm statement such as, “We don’t bite” should suffice while you turn your attention to the victim. Other examples of too much attention include yelling at your youngster while attending to the victim, forcing your youngster to apologize immediately or continuing to talk to the other moms & dads around you about how embarrassed or angry you are.

Make a point of consoling the victim and ignoring the aggressor. If your youngster cannot calm down, remove him or her from the situation without getting angry yourself. When they are calm and ready to talk, you can discuss what happened. If it’s physically impossible to remove your youngster, you will have to remove yourself and the victim from the situation.

By walking an age-appropriate distance away from your youngster after he has acted out, you are sending the message that you will attend to him when he can calm down. In doing so, you are teaching your youngster that it is his responsibility to learn to calm himself and act appropriately.

Lower Your Voice, Don’t Raise It—

As moms & dads, we need to show self-control and use gentle words if we want our kids to do the same. It’s easy to respond with yelling or anger, but remember, your youngster is looking to you for cues on how to control his impulses and have good behavior. While it can be terribly embarrassing to have a youngster that continues to act out towards their friends, keep in mind that their negative behavior is most likely happening because they are still navigating their way through their social circles. This can be very difficult for some kids, so try not to over-react or personalize it.

One technique that works very well for some kids is to change the tone and volume of your voice. You can help your youngster stay calm by immediately lowering your voice when attending to the victim as well as to your youngster. If he is unable to calm down, before helping the victim, turn to him and say quietly, “I need you to calm down now. I am going to help Josh and when I am done I want you to be done screaming.”

For some kids this will work, and when your youngster returns to you, calm and collected, feel free to quietly praise him, saying, “Thank you for calming yourself down. We don’t bite. It hurt Josh and he is sad.” Repeat the phrase “We don’t bite” and inform your youngster that if it happens again, the consequence is that you will leave.

If this does not work for your youngster and he simply cannot calm down, leave him where he is (again, at an age-appropriate distance) and ignore the tantrum. Most young kids will not continue to act out if they no longer have an audience.

Practice Ways to De-fuse your Aspergers Child’s Anger—

For younger kids, help them recognize their anger by stating, “I know you're mad, but we don’t hit. No hitting!” For kids aged 3-7, talk about anger as an important feeling. You can practice ways to de-fuse your youngster's anger during calmer moments. You can say, “Sometimes I get angry too. When that happens, I say ‘I’m angry’ and I leave the room.”

You can also teach your youngster how to count to ten until he is less angry, how to do deep breathing in order to calm down, or how to use his words by making statements such as “I am really, really angry right now!” All of these methods help take the immediate focus off of your youngster’s anger and teach them to recognize this important emotion.

Before you enter into a potentially difficult social situation, review the consequences with your youngster about what will happen if he cannot control his anger. Tell your youngster, “I feel you can handle your anger, but if you can’t, we will have to leave the park and not come back until next week. Do you understand?” Make certain that you follow through with whatever consequences you pose to your youngster.

Teach Aspergers Kids that Aggression is wrong—

It’s also important to talk to your kids about aggression during a calm moment. In a steady voice, explain to your youngster that hitting, biting, kicking, and other aggressive behaviors are wrong. For younger kids, those between 18 months and 2 years, keep it simple. Hold them and explain, “No hitting. It is wrong.”

Remember that you may have to repeat this rule numerous times, using the same words, until your youngster gets it. Be firm and consistent each time your youngster becomes aggressive. Have a plan in place for consequences if aggressive behavior starts.

At home, this can include a time-out chair away from the rest of the family where your youngster can stay until he can calm down. If you are away from home, pick a safe place, such as a time-out in a car seat or another place where your youngster is removed from the fun. This reinforces that you are not tolerating aggression in any form.

For older kids, those between 3 and 7, remember that they may be experimenting with cause and effect. In other words, they want to see what you will do when they act out. It’s your job to provide the consequences for the "effect" to work. Since older kids are more verbal, you can use a variety of phrases when they misbehave.

Examples include, “Biting is not OK,” or “Hitting hurts others. You need to stop.” It is okay to tell your little biter/hitter/kicker that once he misbehaves, he’s lost a privilege for the day. Consequences can include leaving a play date immediately or losing video time.

Tell Your Aspergers Child to “Use Your Words”—

Many times kids who display aggressive behaviors simply lack the communication skills necessary to help them through a stressful situation. For a young youngster, biting or hitting someone is a whole lot easier! Plus, aggressive behaviors often give kids a false sense of power over their peers.

It’s up to you to work diligently with your youngster so that he or she can practice the art of diplomacy in a tough situation. Help your youngster find their voice when they feel like acting out. By explaining and then practicing using their words, you are helping them to trade off aggressive behavior in favor of more socially acceptable behavior. Some examples are:

• Teach your youngster to say “No!” to their peers instead of acting aggressively. Too often a youngster reacts negatively to a friend or sibling instead of asserting themselves. By using the simple word “no,” you are helping your youngster to get his point across verbally, not aggressively.

• Give your youngster a series of phrases to use with their friends when they are feeling angry or frustrated. Some examples are, “No, that’s mine,” “I don’t like that!” or “Stop! That hurts.” This helps your youngster substitute words for striking out.

Before you enter a situation that you know may cause your youngster to act aggressively (i.e., a play date or daycare) remind your youngster to “Use your words.” Repeat this to your youngster throughout the course of the week when you feel they are getting frustrated.

Recognize Your Aspergers Child’s Limitations—

This means knowing when to leave a potentially volatile situation or choosing to engage your youngster in a different activity to avoid aggressive confrontations. If you know that your youngster targets a particular youngster at play group, you may have to hold off going to play group for a few weeks until he learns to control himself. Or, if certain videos, games, or activities frustrate your youngster, remove them from your daily routine to see if this has a placating effect on your youngster’s behavior.

Finally, if your youngster is exhausted, hungry, or over-stimulated, respect that and engage in low-key, slow-paced activities that will make aggression less likely. With your older, more verbal youngster, talk openly about situations that make him angry and work together to come up with solutions to help him through the problem next time.

Be Appreciative of their Efforts—

When you catch your youngster being good, be sure to praise their hard work and efforts. For instance, if you observe your kids in a power struggle over a toy that ends in them working it out peacefully with their friend, tell them how proud you are that they chose to use their words instead of resorting to aggression to get their way. Look for and continue to praise good behavior as a way to motivate your kids to do better next time.

What Not to Do—

• Do not expose your youngster to violent television or video games. Too often TV and videos portray the most violent character as the hero, which sends the message that violence is a means to an end for problem-solving. This message can easily be avoided if you are on top of their viewing habits. While TV or video violence may not affect some kids, it may greatly influence others who have a tendency to act out aggressively with their friends. By knowing your youngster’s temperament and what he or she can withstand, you are helping them on their way towards their best behavior possible.

• Do not personalize your youngster’s bad behavior. All too often moms & dads get frustrated and angry at their youngster when they are aggressive, because many times we feel that our youngster’s poor behavior is a reflection of our parenting skills. If you have an aggressive youngster, switch your focus towards helping them express themselves in a more appropriate way and follow through when an incident occurs.

• Never bite or hit back. It can be tempting to want to teach your youngster a lesson in how it feels to be the victim of aggression, but when you succumb to a childlike form of communication, you are teaching your youngster that aggression is the answer to resolving a conflict. Even though it’s difficult, try your best to maintain your composure.

When Aggression is Extreme—

While aggression can be normal in many kids, you should be aware of when your youngster’s behavior has gone beyond the scope of what is considered within the normal boundaries for their developmental level. Look for the following signs in your youngster:

• A pattern of defiant, disobedient, or hostile behavior towards you or other authority figures such as teachers or day care providers. A pattern means behavior that is not fleeting, but is chronic and does not respond to the above interventions.
• Acts annoyed or is chronically touchy
• Acts spiteful or vindictive
• Blames others
• Constantly argues with adults
• Deliberately engages in activities that knowingly annoy others
• Exhibits ongoing anger
• Loses their temper easily

It is important to recognize that all young kids may exhibit any or all of the above problems at some point during their development. However, if your youngster persistently displays these behaviors and it affects their daily functioning, such as their ability to behave at school or maintain friendships, contact your pediatrician, as it may indicate that they have other psychological problems that need attention. In this case, you will need to have your youngster evaluated by a mental health professional.

Parenting an aggressive child with Asperger Syndrome can be one of the greatest challenges you will face as you weave your way through the maze of his or her development. Even though it may seem like it at times, it’s not impossible to teach your youngster new and appropriate ways to interact with other kids and the adults around them. The key is developing a clear, uncomplicated, consistent plan and following it in a composed manner. Remember: the best example of appropriate behavior is you, and your young kiddo is watching.

==> My Aspergers Child: Help for Parents with Aggressive Aspergers Children

Learning and Behavioral Characteristics of Students with Aspergers

Kids with Aspergers (high functioning autism) share some of the same characteristics as kids with autism, and there is debate on whether Aspergers is an independent diagnostic category or another dimension at the higher end of the autistic continuum (Szatmari, 1995). Although Aspergers shares some characteristics with higher-functioning autism, there are some unique features, and a different developmental progression and prognosis (Myles & Simpson, 1998) for children with Aspergers.

According to DSM-IV (1994) criteria, the youngster must meet the criteria for social impairment, repetitive activities and age of onset, but have normal cognitive and language development. Aspergers involves fewer symptoms than autism.

Learning and Behavioral Characteristics of Children with Aspergers—

1. Although kids with Aspergers usually speak fluently by five years of age, they often have problems with pragmatics (the use of language in social contexts), semantics (not being able to recognize multiple meanings) and prosody (the pitch, stress, and rhythm of speech) (Attwood, 1998).

• Social communication problems can include standing too close, staring, abnormal body posture and failure to understand gestures and facial expressions.
• Speech may be characterized by a lack of variation in pitch, stress and rhythm and, as the child reaches adolescence, speech may become pedantic (overly formal).
• Children with Aspergers may have an advanced vocabulary and frequently talk incessantly about a favorite subject. The topic may be somewhat narrowly defined and the individual may have difficulty switching to another topic.
• They may have difficulties with the rules of conversation. Children with Aspergers may interrupt or talk over the speech of others, may make irrelevant comments and have difficulty initiating and terminating conversations.

2. Anxiety is also a characteristic associated with Aspergers. It may be difficult for the child to understand and adapt to the social demands of school. Appropriate instruction and support can help to alleviate some of the stress.

3. Aspergers is characterized by a qualitative impairment in social interaction. Children with Aspergers may be keen to relate to others, but do not have the skills, and may approach others in peculiar ways (Klin & Volkmar, 1997). They frequently lack understanding of social customs and may appear socially awkward, have difficulty with empathy, and misinterpret social cues.

4. Children with Aspergers are poor incidental social learners and need explicit instruction in social skills.

5. Children with Aspergers may also be inattentive and easily distracted and many receive a diagnosis of ADHD at one point in their lives (Myles & Simpson, 1998).

6. Children with Aspergers share common characteristics with autism in terms of responses to sensory stimuli. They may be hypersensitive to some stimuli and may engage in unusual behaviors to obtain a specific sensory stimulation.

7. It is estimated that 50%-90% of people with Aspergers have problems with motor coordination (Attwood, 1998). The affected areas may include locomotion, ball skills, balance, manual dexterity, handwriting, rapid movements, lax joints, rhythm and imitation of movements.

8. The child with Aspergers is of average to above average intelligence and may appear quite capable. Many are relatively proficient in knowledge of facts, and may have extensive factual information about a subject that they are absorbed with. However, they demonstrate relative weaknesses in comprehension and abstract thought, as well as in social cognition. Consequently, they do experience some academic problems, particularly with reading comprehension, problem solving, organizational skills, concept development, and making inferences and judgments. In addition, they often have difficulty with cognitive flexibility. That is their thinking tends to be rigid. They often have difficulty adapting to change or failure and do not readily learn from their mistakes (Attwood, 1998).

Strategies for Teachers—

Many of the strategies for teaching children with autism are applicable for children with Aspergers. The professional literature often does not differentiate between high-functioning autism and Aspergers when outlining recommended practices. However, it is important to give consideration to the unique learning characteristics, to provide support when needed, and to build on the child’s many strengths.

The following identifies the specific learning difficulty and suggests a number of possible classroom strategies:

Difficulties with language—

• Comic Strip Conversations (Gray, 1994) can be applied to a range of problems with conversation skills
• difficulty understanding complex language, following directions, and understanding intent of words with multiple meanings
• encourage the child to ask for an instruction to be repeated, simplified or written down if he does not understand
• explain metaphors and words with double meanings
• limit oral questions to a number the child can manage
• pause between instructions and check for understanding
• small group instruction for conversational skills
• teach appropriate opening comments
• teach rules and cues regarding turn-taking in conversation and when to reply, interrupt or change the topic
• teach student to seek assistance when confused
• tendency to interrupt
• tendency to make irrelevant comments
• tendency to talk on one topic and to talk over the speech of others
• use audio taped and videotaped conversations
• watch videos to identify nonverbal expressions and their meanings

Insistence on sameness—

• use pictures, schedules and social stories to indicate impending changes
• wherever possible prepare the child for potential change

Impairment in social interaction—

• difficulty reading the emotions of others
• difficulty understanding "unwritten rules" and when they do learn them, may apply them rigidly
• difficulty understanding the rules of social interaction
• educate peers about how to respond to the child’s disability in social interaction
• encourage cooperative games
• explicitly teach rules of social conduct
• interprets literally what is said
• lacks tact
• may be naïve
• may need to develop relaxation techniques and have a quiet place to go to relax
• may need to provide supervision and support for the child at breaks and recess
• problems with social distance
• provide clear expectations and rules for behavior
• structured social skills groups can provide opportunity for direct instruction on specific skills and to practice actual events
• teach flexibility, cooperation and sharing
• teach the child how to interact through social stories, modeling and role-playing
• teach the child how to start, maintain and end play
• teach the children how to monitor their own behavior
• use a buddy system to assist the child during non-structured times
• use other kids as cues to indicate what to do

Restricted range of interests—

• incorporate and expand on interest in activities and assignments
• limit perseverative discussions and questions
• set firm expectations for the classroom, but also provide opportunities for the child to pursue his own interests

Poor concentration—

• break down assignments
• difficulty sustaining attention
• distractible
• frequent teacher feedback and redirection
• may be disorganized
• often off task
• reduced homework assignments
• seating at the front
• timed work sessions
• use nonverbal cues to get attention

Poor organizational skills—

• help the child to use "to do" lists and checklists
• maintain lists of assignments
• picture cues in lockers
• pictures on containers and locker
• use schedules and calendars

Poor motor coordination—

• consider the use of a computer for written assignments, as some children may be more skilled at using a keyboard than writing
• involve in fitness activities
• may prefer fitness activities to competitive sports
• provide extra time for tests
• take slower writing speed into account when giving assignments (length often needs to be reduced)

Academic difficulties—

• areas of difficulty include poor problem solving, comprehension problems and difficulty with abstract concepts
• avoid verbal overload
• be as concrete as possible in presenting new concepts and abstract material
• break down tasks into smaller steps or present it another way
• capitalize on strengths, e.g., memory
• do not assume that they have understood what they have read. Check for comprehension, supplement instruction and use visual supports
• don’t assume that the child has understood simply because he/she can re-state the information
• good recall of factual information
• may do well at mathematical computations, but have difficulty with problem solving
• often strong in word recognition and may learn to read very early, but difficulty with comprehension
• provide direct instruction as well as modeling
• show examples of what is required
• use activity-based learning where possible
• use graphic organizers such as semantic maps
• use outlines to help student take notes and organize and categorize information
• usually average to above average intelligence

Emotional vulnerability—

• easily stressed due to inflexibility
• educate other children
• help the child to understand his/her behaviors and reactions of others
• may be prone to depression
• may have difficulties coping with the social and emotional demands of school
• may have difficulty tolerating making mistakes
• may have rage reactions and temper outbursts
• often have low self-esteem
• provide experiences in which the person can make choices
• provide positive praise and tell the child what she/he does right or well
• teach techniques for coping with difficult situations and for dealing with stress
• teach the child to ask for help
• use peer supports such as buddy systems and peer support network
• use rehearsal strategies

Sensory Sensitivities—

• be aware that normal levels of auditory and visual input can be perceived by the child as too much or too little
• confusing, complex or multiple sounds such as in shopping centers
• having the child listen to music can camouflage certain sounds
• high-pitched continuous noise
• it may be necessary to avoid some sounds
• keep the level of stimulation within the child’s ability to cope
• minimize background noise
• most common sensitivities involve sound and touch, but may also include taste, light intensity, colors and aromas
• sudden, unexpected noises such as a telephone ringing, fire alarm
• teach and model relaxation strategies and diversions to reduce anxiety
• use of ear plugs if very extreme

The Complete Guide to Teaching Students with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

The World of Aspergers: Advice to Teachers

"I've come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element in the classroom... As a teacher, I possess a tremendous power to make a child's life miserable or joyous... In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated and a child humanized or de-humanized." - Haim Ginott

Few could disagree with the sentiments expressed by Ginott, at least in theory. Unfortunately, theory doesn't always translate into practice, at least not for kids with the enigmatic and complex disorder known as Aspergers (high functioning autism). Thus, when a crisis occurs, or worse yet escalates, it is often the youngster who is held accountable, and the teacher who is exonerated!

Consultants are rarely asked to look at what the school staff needs to know and do to better understand and address the challenges that accompany Aspergers. Rather, they are all too often directed to focus their efforts on "fixing" the youngster, as though his or her actions are the result of behavioral decisions, rather than the reflection of a neurological impairment.

Could it be that Ginott's words were intended only for educators of typical kids? That is most unlikely. Then what is there about Aspergers that "invites" placing the burden of responsibility with respect to aberrant behavior on the kids who manifest the disability, rather than on those who have the wherewithal to operate with far greater freedom and flexibility (i.e., their educators or caregivers)?

One parent's search for answers to a particularly distressing school situation led her to characterize the plight of her 8 1/2 year old son with Aspergers thusly: "The good news is he's bright, and the bad news is he's bright!" This revealing description makes a poignant, and sadly accurate statement about an educational system that not only fails to understand the youngster with Aspergers, it fails to recognize that such understanding is in fact necessary if positive change is to occur. An analysis of what this parent meant by her statement gives one a window on the topsy-turvy world of Aspergers.

In most disorders, descriptors such as "more able" and "high functioning" are excellent prognostic indicators - hence, the good news. How then can intelligence be considered bad news? The answer to this question lies in the paradoxical nature of Aspergers itself.

Individuals with Aspergers are cognitively intact. That is, they possess normal, if not above-average intelligence. This creates an expectation for success. Further, the pursuit of their restricted repertoires of interests and activities often results in the amassing of impressive facts, and in an expertise beyond their years. Therein lies the problem! Given their enormous strengths, and the expectation that they generate, and given the fact that intelligence is a highly-prized trait in our culture, intellectual prowess in the youngster with Aspergers virtually eclipses the social-emotional and other deficits that are at the heart of the unusual behavior and interests are often seen.

Stated more succinctly, unmindful of their neurologically-based weaknesses, educators and/or clinicians get blinded by the strengths of these kids. This situation inevitably leads to a mental set that can be summed up as follows: "If he/she is that smart, shouldn't he/she know better?" The answer to that question is a resounding "no". In fact, because of the social-emotional and communication deficits, as well as the presence of symptomatology unique to Aspergers, these kids can't "know better" until they are taught simply to know (i.e., to understand).

Consequently, in order to create an hospitable environment for kids with Aspergers in a world that is often inhospitable to their needs, it s vital that educators and other caregivers employ direct teaching strategies to address the following specific areas:

• Executive dysfunction (i.e., problems in organizational skills/planning)
• Perspective-taking
• Problem solving
• Reading/language comprehension
• Socio-communicative understanding and expression

Together, these target areas constitute a kind of life skills curriculum for the more able student. Their inclusion in the student's IEP can help to ensure that each of these important skill areas gets the attention it deserves. After all, life skills are far too important to be left to chance! 

Struggling with an Aspergers or HFA student? Click here for highly effective teaching strategies -- specific to the disorder. 


 COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said... I think schools should be trained on how to help children with different needs, in England alot of the one to ones and the special needs teacher have been cut because there isn't the funding for them as a result loads of children don't have their needs met.
•    Anonymous said... Thank you. I think that is the worst part of aspergers. My 7 year old was diagnosed with this ADHD and aniexty last year. The worst part is people treat him and me as if he is just a bad kid and a bully. Its can be so hard at time. I keep reminding him that people dont understand what they can see and that he is a good kid. We also talk how he has to try with his behavior and cant use his issues as an excuse. Once he learns to work with it it will be a gift.
*   Anonymous said... We give as much info on our Aspy child (triggers and signs) to look out for when his anxiety is rising and how to prevent the meltdown but when you have so many substitute teachers or teachers that treat yur child as a number and not as an individual he keeps getting suspended over trivial matters that could have been avoided if they didn't contribute to his anxiety...

Post your comment below...

HFA Teens & Angry Outbursts

My son is 13 years old; he has been previously diagnosed with high functioning autism, adhd and obsessive compulsive disorder. My son lived with his father for six months while I recovered from a nervous breakdown. When I got custody of him again he was very aggressive, would hit his 6 year old brother and call him names and put him down. My ex gave him no discipline from what I gather from my son, he told me he had to raise his six year old brother for them six months. He blames me for the divorce between me and his father. I have bipolar and he doesn’t seem to understand that I am different too and that I need him to cooperate and help me as much as possible. He’s too focused on his ocd, his adhd and his autism and he uses all of these things for an excuse for all of the negative behaviors he is having. In the last past year he has changed 3 schools, and moved to a new area, which he says he hates. I’m wondering if he will adjust to the new setting and new rules that I have for him. I think some of it is the teenage years; he uses profanity often and shows aggression to get his way no matter what the consequences. I want to help my son but I don’t know what to do. His brother is totally opposite; he does what I tell him and goes by all of the rules. How do I get my son to show me respect and work on his attitude without so many angry outbursts which could get me evicted from our apartment? I go with the flow to keep things as quiet as possible but things get worse, if I threaten to take his games he threatens and has went as far as walking out of the door leaving me to find him. Am I dealing with Aspergers, Adhd, compulsive disorder or just an unruly teenager? I think it is all of them. I was wondering if there is an autism training center that could come in and work with my son. I am desperate at this point and will do anything to help my child to stay on the right track, I worry that he is headed for suicide or prison. I am very concerned for him, he’s happy as long as I cater to him, but when I stand up for what I think is right he rebels and I pay dearly. Please help.

Click here for the answer...

Teaching Students with Asperger Syndrome: Guidelines for Educators

Teachers can be great allies in keeping the youngster with Aspergers or High Functioning Autism safe and successful in school, but you'll need to make sure you have all the knowledge you need to help...

Five Things Teachers Need to Know—

1. If there will be any sort of change in my youngster's classroom or routine, please notify me as far in advance as possible so that we can all work together in preparing her for it.
2. My youngster is an individual, not a diagnosis; please be alert and receptive to the things that make her unique and special.
3. My youngster needs structure and routine in order to function. Please try to keep his world as predictable as possible.
4. My youngster's difficulty with social cues, nonverbal communication, figurative language and eye contact are part of his neurological makeup -- he is not being deliberately rude or disrespectful.
5. Please keep the lines of communication open between our home and the school. My youngster needs all the adults in his life working together.

Kids diagnosed with Aspergers present a special challenge in the educational milieu. This article provides teachers with descriptions of seven defining characteristics of Aspergers, in addition to suggestions and strategies for addressing these symptoms in the classroom. Behavioral and academic interventions based on the author's teaching experiences with kids with Aspergers are offered.

Kids diagnosed with Aspergers (AS) present a special challenge in the educational milieu. Typically viewed as eccentric and peculiar by classmates, their inept social skills often cause them to be made victims of scapegoating. Clumsiness and an obsessive interest in obscure subjects add to their "odd" presentation. Kids with AS lack understanding of human relationships and the rules of social convention; they are naive and conspicuously lacking in common sense. Their inflexibility and inability to cope with change causes these individuals to be easily stressed and emotionally vulnerable. At the same time, kids with Aspergers (the majority of whom are boys) are often of average to above-average intelligence and have superior rote memories. Their single-minded pursuit of their interests can lead to great achievements later in life.

Aspergers is considered a disorder at the higher end of the autistic continuum. Comparing individuals within this continuum, Van Krevelen (cited in Wing, l99l) noted that the low-functioning youngster with autism "lives in a world of his own," whereas the higher functioning youngster with autism "lives in our world but in his own way" (p.99).

Naturally, not all kids with Aspergers are alike. Just as each youngster with Aspergers has his or her own unique personality, "typical" Aspergers symptoms are manifested in ways specific to each individual. As a result, there is no exact recipe for classroom approaches that can be provided for every youngster with Aspergers, just as no one educational method fits the needs of all kids not afflicted with Aspergers.

Following are descriptions of seven defining characteristics of Aspergers, followed by suggestions and classroom strategies for addressing these symptoms. (Classroom interventions are illustrated with examples from my own teaching experiences at the University of Michigan Medical Center Youngster and Adolescent Psychiatric Hospital School.) These suggestions are offered only in the broadest sense and should be tailored to the unique needs of the individual student with Aspergers.

Insistence on Sameness—

Kids with Aspergers are easily overwhelmed by minimal change, are highly sensitive to environmental stressors, and sometimes engage in rituals. They are anxious and tend to worry obsessively when they do not know what to expect; stress, fatigue and sensory overload easily throw them off balance.

Programming Suggestions:

• Allay fears of the unknown by exposing the youngster to the new activity, teacher, class, school, camp and so forth beforehand, and as soon as possible after he or she is informed of the change, to prevent obsessive worrying. (For instance, when the youngster with Aspergers must change schools, he or she should meet the new teacher, tour the new school and be apprised of his or her routine in advance of actual attendance. School assignments from the old school might be provided the first few days so that the routine is familiar to the youngster in the new environment. The receiving teacher might find out the youngster's special areas of interest and have related books or activities available on the youngster's first day.)
• Avoid surprises: Prepare the youngster thoroughly and in advance for special activities, altered schedules, or any other change in routine, regardless of how minimal.
• Minimize transitions.
• Offer consistent daily routine: The youngster with Aspergers must understand each day's routine and know what to expect in order to be able to concentrate on the task at hand.
• Provide a predictable and safe environment.

Impairment in Social Interaction—

Kids with Aspergers show an inability to understand complex rules of social interaction; are naive; are extremely egocentric; may not like physical contact; talk at people instead of to them; do not understand jokes, irony or metaphors; use monotone or stilted, unnatural tone of voice; use inappropriate gaze and body language; are insensitive and lack tact; misinterpret social cues; cannot judge "social distance;" exhibit poor ability to initiate and sustain conversation; have well-developed speech but poor communication; are sometimes labeled "little professor" because speaking style is so adult-like and pedantic; are easily taken advantage of (do not perceive that others sometimes lie or trick them); and usually have a desire to be part of the social world.

Programming Suggestions:

• Although they lack personal understanding of the emotions of others, kids with Aspergers can learn the correct way to respond. When they have been unintentionally insulting, tactless or insensitive, it must be explained to them why the response was inappropriate and what response would have been correct. Individuals with Aspergers must learn social skills intellectually: They lack social instinct and intuition.
• Kids with Aspergers tend to be reclusive; thus the teacher must foster involvement with others. Encourage active socialization and limit time spent in isolated pursuit of interests. For instance, a teacher's aide seated at the lunch table could actively encourage the youngster with Aspergers to participate in the conversation of his or her peers not only by soliciting his or her opinions and asking him questions, but also by subtly reinforcing other kids who do the same.
• Emphasize the proficient academic skills of the youngster with Aspergers by creating cooperative learning situations in which his or her reading skills, vocabulary, memory and so forth will be viewed as an asset by peers, thereby engendering acceptance.
• In the higher age groups, attempt to educate peers about the youngster with Aspergers  when social ineptness is severe by describing his or her social problems as a true disability. Praise classmates when they treat him or her with compassion. This task may prevent scapegoating, while promoting empathy and tolerance in the other kids.
• Most kids with Aspergers want friends but simply do not know how to interact. They should be taught how to react to social cues and be given repertoires of responses to use in various social situations. Teach the kids what to say and how to say it. Model two-way interactions and let them role-play. These kid’s social judgment improves only after they have been taught rules that others pick up intuitively. One adult with Aspergers noted that he had learned to "ape human behavior." A college professor with Aspergers remarked that her quest to understand human interactions made her "feel like an anthropologist from Mars" (Sacks, l993, p.112).
• Older students with Aspergers might benefit from a "buddy system." The teacher can educate a sensitive non-disabled classmate about the situation of the youngster with Aspergers and seat them next to each other. The classmate could look out for the youngster with AS on the bus, during recess, in the hallways and so forth, and attempt to include him or her in school activities.
• Protect the youngster from bullying and teasing.

Restricted Range of Interests—

Kids with Aspergers have eccentric preoccupations, or odd, intense fixations (sometimes obsessively collecting unusual things). They tend to relentlessly "lecture" on areas of interest; ask repetitive questions about interests; have trouble letting go of ideas; follow own inclinations regardless of external demands; and sometimes refuse to learn about anything outside their limited field of interest.

Programming Suggestions:

• Use the youngster's fixation as a way to broaden his or her repertoire of interests. For instance, during a unit on rain forests, the student with Aspergers who was obsessed with animals was led to not only study rain forest animals but to also study the forest itself, as this was the animals' home. He was then motivated to learn about the local people who were forced to chop down the animals' forest habitat in order to survive.
• Use of positive reinforcement selectively directed to shape a desired behavior is the critical strategy for helping the youngster with Aspergers (Dewey, 1991). These kids respond to compliments (e.g., in the case of a relentless question-asker, the teacher might consistently praise him as soon as he pauses and congratulate him for allowing others to speak). These kids should also be praised for simple, expected social behavior that is taken for granted in other kids.
• Students can be given assignments that link their interest to the subject being studied. For example, during a social studies unit about a specific country, a youngster obsessed with trains might be assigned to research the modes of transportation used by people in that country.
• Some kids with Aspergers will not want to do assignments outside their area of interest. Firm expectations must be set for completion of class work. It must be made very clear to the youngster with Aspergers that he is not in control and that he must follow specific rules. At the same time, however, meet the kids halfway by giving them opportunities to pursue their own interests.
• For particularly recalcitrant kids, it may be necessary to initially individualize all assignments around their interest area (e.g., if the interest is dinosaurs, then offer grammar sentences, math word problems and reading and spelling tasks about dinosaurs). Gradually introduce other topics into assignments.
• Do not allow the youngster with Aspergers to perseveratively discuss or ask questions about isolated interests. Limit this behavior by designating a specific time during the day when the youngster can talk about this. For example: A youngster with Aspergers who was fixated on animals and had innumerable questions about a class pet turtle knew that he was allowed to ask these questions only during recesses. This was part of his daily routine and he quickly learned to stop himself when he began asking these kinds of questions at other times of the day.

Poor Concentration—

Kids with Aspergers are often off task, distracted by internal stimuli; are very disorganized; have difficulty sustaining focus on classroom activities (often it is not that the attention is poor but, rather, that the focus is "odd" ; the individual with Aspergers cannot figure out what is relevant [Happe, 1991], so attention is focused on irrelevant stimuli); tend to withdrawal into complex inner worlds in a manner much more intense than is typical of daydreaming and have difficulty learning in a group situation.

Programming Suggestions:

• Work out a nonverbal signal with the youngster (e.g., a gentle pat on the shoulder) for times when he or she is not attending.
• The teacher must actively encourage the youngster with Aspergers to leave his or her inner thoughts/ fantasies behind and refocus on the real world. This is a constant battle, as the comfort of that inner world is believed to be much more attractive than anything in real life. For young kids, even free play needs to be structured, because they can become so immersed in solitary, ritualized fantasy play that they lose touch with reality. Encouraging a youngster with Aspergers to play a board game with one or two others under close supervision not only structures play but offers an opportunity to practice social skills.
• Seat the youngster with Aspergers at the front of the class and direct frequent questions to him or her to help him or her attend to the lesson.
• In the case of mainstreamed students with Aspergers, poor concentration, slow clerical speed and severe disorganization may make it necessary to lessen his or her homework/class work load and/or provide time in a resource room where a special education teacher can provide the additional structure the youngster needs to complete class work and homework (some kids with Aspergers are so unable to concentrate that it places undue stress on moms and dads to expect that they spend hours each night trying to get through homework with their youngster).
• If a buddy system is used, sit the youngster's buddy next to him or her so the buddy can remind the youngster with Aspergers to return to task or listen to the lesson.
• Kids with severe concentration problems benefit from timed work sessions. This helps them organize themselves. Class work that is not completed within the time limit (or that is done carelessly) within the time limit must be made up during the youngster's own time (i.e., during recess or during the time used for pursuit of special interests). Kids with Aspergers can sometimes be stubborn; they need firm expectations and a structured program that teaches them that compliance with rules leads to positive reinforcement (this kind of program motivates the youngster with Aspergers to be productive, thus enhancing self-esteem and lowering stress levels, because the youngster sees himself as competent).
• A tremendous amount of regimented external structure must be provided if the youngster with Aspergers is to be productive in the classroom. Assignments should be broken down into small units, and frequent teacher feedback and redirection should be offered.

Poor Motor Coordination—

Kids with Aspergers are physically clumsy and awkward; have stiff, awkward gaits; are unsuccessful in games involving motor skills; and experience fine-motor deficits that can cause penmanship problems, slow clerical speed and affect their ability to draw.

Programming Suggestions:

• Do not push the youngster to participate in competitive sports, as his or her poor motor coordination may only invite frustration and the teasing of team members. The youngster with Aspergers lacks the social understanding of coordinating one's own actions with those of others on a team.
• Individuals with Aspergers may need more than their peers to complete exams (taking exams in the resource room not only offer more time but would also provide the added structure and teacher redirection these kids need to focus on the task at hand).
• Involve the youngster with Aspergers in a health/fitness curriculum in physical education, rather than in a competitive sports program.
• Kids with Aspergers may require a highly individualized cursive program that entails tracing and copying on paper, coupled with motor patterning on the blackboard. The teacher guides the youngster's hand repeatedly through the formation of letters and letter connections and also uses a verbal script. Once the youngster commits the script to memory, he or she can talk himself or herself through letter formations independently.
• Refer the youngster with Aspergers for adaptive physical education program if gross motor problems are severe.
• When assigning timed units of work, make sure the youngster's slower writing speed is taken into account.
• Younger kids with Aspergers benefit from guidelines drawn on paper that help them control the size and uniformity of the letters they write. This also forces them to take the time to write carefully;

Academic Difficulties—

Kids with Aspergers usually have average to above-average intelligence (especially in the verbal sphere) but lack high level thinking and comprehension skills. They tend to be very literal: Their images are concrete, and abstraction is poor. Their pedantic speaking style and impressive vocabularies give the false impression that they understand what they are talking about, when in reality they are merely parroting what they have heard or read. The youngster with Aspergers frequently has an excellent rote memory, but it is mechanical in nature; that is, the youngster may respond like a video that plays in set sequence. Problem-solving skills are poor.

Programming Suggestions:

• Academic work may be of poor quality because the youngster with Aspergers is not motivated to exert effort in areas in which he or she is not interested. Very firm expectations must be set for the quality of work produced. Work executed within timed periods must be not only complete but done carefully. The youngster with Aspergers should be expected to correct poorly executed class work during recess or during the time he or she usually pursues his or her own interests.
• Capitalize on these individuals' exceptional memory: Retaining factual information is frequently their forte.
• Kids with Aspergers often have excellent reading recognition skills, but language comprehension is weak. Do not assume they understand what they so fluently read.
• Do not assume that kids with Aspergers understand something just because they parrot back what they have heard.
• Emotional nuances, multiple levels of meaning, and relationship issues as presented in novels will often not be understood.
• Offer added explanation and try to simplify when lesson concepts are abstract.
• Provide a highly individualized academic program engineered to offer consistent successes. The youngster with Aspergers needs great motivation to not follow his or her own impulses. Learning must be rewarding and not anxiety-provoking.
• The writing assignments of individuals with Aspergers are often repetitious, flit from one subject to the next, and contain incorrect word connotations. These kids frequently do not know the difference between general knowledge and personal ideas and therefore assume the teacher will understand their sometimes abstruse expressions.

Emotional Vulnerability—

Kids with Aspergers have the intelligence to compete in regular education but they often do not have the emotional resources to cope with the demands of the classroom. These kids are easily stressed due to their inflexibility. Self-esteem is low, and they are often very self-critical and unable to tolerate making mistakes. Individuals with Aspergers, especially adolescents, may be prone to depression (a high percentage of depression in adults with Aspergers has been documented). Rage reactions/temper outbursts are common in response to stress/frustration. Kids with Aspergers rarely seem relaxed and are easily overwhelmed when things are not as their rigid views dictate they should be. Interacting with people and coping with the ordinary demands of everyday life take continual Herculean effort.

Programming Suggestions:

• Affect as reflected in the teacher's voice should be kept to a minimum. Be calm, predictable, and matter-of-fact in interactions with the youngster with Aspergers, while clearly indicating compassion and patience. Hans Asperger (1991), the psychiatrist for whom this syndrome is named, remarked that "the teacher who does not understand that it is necessary to teach kids [with Aspergers] seemingly obvious things will feel impatient and irritated" (p.57); Do not expect the youngster with Aspergers to acknowledge that he or she is sad/ depressed. In the same way that they cannot perceive the feelings of others, these kids can also be unaware of their own feelings. They often cover up their depression and deny its symptoms.
• Be aware that adolescents with Aspergers are especially prone to depression. Social skills are highly valued in adolescence and the student with Aspergers realizes he or she is different and has difficulty forming normal relationships. Academic work often becomes more abstract, and the adolescent with Aspergers finds assignments more difficult and complex. In one case, teachers noted that an adolescent with Aspergers was no longer crying over math assignments and therefore believed that he was coping much better. In reality, his subsequent decreased organization and productivity in math was believed to be function of his escaping further into his inner world to avoid the math, and thus he was not coping well at all.
• Kids with Aspergers must receive academic assistance as soon as difficulties in a particular area are noted. These kids are quickly overwhelmed and react much more severely to failure than do other kids.
• Kids with Aspergers who are very fragile emotionally may need placement in a highly structured special education classroom that can offer individualized academic program. These kids require a learning environment in which they see themselves as competent and productive. Accordingly, keeping them in the mainstream, where they cannot grasp concepts or complete assignments, serves only to lower their self-concept, increase their withdrawal, and set the stage for a depressive disorder. (In some situations, a personal aide can be assigned to the youngster with Aspergers rather than special education placement. The aide offers affective support, structure and consistent feedback.)
• It is critical that adolescents with Aspergers who are mainstreamed have an identified support staff member with whom they can check in at least once daily. This person can assess how well he or she is coping by meeting with him or her daily and gathering observations from other teachers.
• Prevent outbursts by offering a high level of consistency. Prepare these kids for changes in daily routine, to lower stress (see "Resistance to Change" section). Kids with Aspergers frequently become fearful, angry, and upset in the face of forced or unexpected changes.
• Report symptoms to the youngster's therapist or make a mental health referral so that the youngster can be evaluated for depression and receive treatment if this is needed. Because these kids are often unable to assess their own emotions and cannot seek comfort from others, it is critical that depression be diagnosed quickly.
• Teach the kids how to cope when stress overwhelms him or her, to prevent outbursts. Help the youngster write a list of very concrete steps that can be followed when he or she becomes upset (e.g., 1-Breathe deeply three times; 2-Count the fingers on your right hand slowly three times; 3-Ask to see the special education teacher, etc.). Include a ritualized behavior that the youngster finds comforting on the list. Write these steps on a card that is placed in the youngster's pocket so that they are always readily available.
• Teachers must be alert to changes in behavior that may indicate depression, such as even greater levels of disorganization, inattentiveness, and isolation; decreased stress threshold; chronic fatigue; crying; suicidal remarks; and so on. Do not accept the youngster's assessment in these cases that he or she is "OK".

Kids with Asperger's syndrome are so easily overwhelmed by environmental stressors, and have such profound impairment in the ability to form interpersonal relationships, that it is no wonder they give the impression of "fragile vulnerability and a pathetic childishness" (Wing, 1981, p. 117). Everard (1976) wrote that when these youngsters are compared with their nondisabled peers, "one is instantly aware of how different they are and the enormous effort they have to make to live in a world where no concessions are made and where they are expected to conform" (p.2).

Teachers can play a vital role in helping kids with Aspergers learn to negotiate the world around them. Because kids with Aspergers are frequently unable to express their fears and anxieties, it is up to significant adults to make it worthwhile for them to leave their safe inner fantasy lives for the uncertainties of the external world. Professionals who work with these youngsters in schools must provide the external structure, organization, and stability that they lack. Using creative teaching strategies with individuals suffering from Aspergers is critical, not only to facilitate academic success, but also to help them feel less alienated from other human beings and less overwhelmed by the ordinary demands of everyday life.

The Complete Guide to Teaching Students with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism