Aspergers Children and Anger Control Problems

Question

My 21 year old son is very fidgety, interrupts while I'm speaking with him and has basically lost all his friends over the years. He gets mad about things (like why we circumcised him when he was a baby) that normally would not bother anyone. If something goes wrong in his life (which seems to be a daily occurrence), it is someone's fault. He went from being a popular child to being a loner. I had him move in with his dad because he kept starting fights with his younger brother - obsessing that his younger brother was gay and that he would beat the crap out of him if he found that out. It just seems he is getting worse now. Years ago I had taken him for counseling and they said he was depressed and was very "sensitive" to what was going on. However, this sensitivity has gotten into the danger point where you never know what might set him off. Since he is 21 it is next to impossible to get him to see anyone (no insurance) but he has admitted to my mother that he needs help. He just explodes sometimes and then will apologize after the fact but the explosions are getting more and more. Is he emotionally unstable?

Answer

You are referring to anger-control problems and low-frustration tolerance – also called “meltdowns.” These meltdowns are especially common in Aspergers (high functioning autism) children and teens (or in your case, a young adult-child). Some families have learned how to prescribe behavior to prevent meltdowns:

• Look directly at your child who is about to have a major meltdown.
• Give your child permission to have a major meltdown. For example say, "Jon, I know you usually have a meltdown when this happens and I want you to know that it is ok for you to do that now."
• Prescribe the behaviors that your child usually does in this situation when agitated. You'll continue talking after telling your child it is ok to have a meltdown and list what the child normally does. "Jon, when you are feeling this way, you usually start swearing, kicking, screaming, and blowing snot – so go ahead and get started."
• Let your child think about what you said. If your child is truly oppositional, then he will refuse to do what you prescribed. If your child does it, that's ok, you gave permission. Eventually, doing this will help your child learn self-control.

Do you have an Aspergers child who doesn't do well with transitions? Does he have a meltdown at the slightest provocation or change in schedule? Does he kick, punch, destroy property, swear, and runaway when upset?

Click ==> Here’s help in dealing with Aspergers meltdowns...

Do you have tips for toilet training a young child with Asperger’s?

Question

Do you have tips for toilet training a young child with Asperger’s?

Answer

Toilet training your child with Asperger’s will most likely be difficult for you as a parent. If you have potty trained an older child, you will find this experience likely to be very different. Methods that work with some children are typically based on a child’s desire to please the parent and often based on a reward system. Many parents have relied heavily on ‘the M&M method’ or the ‘shoot the Cheerios in the bowl’ trick. These are not typically effective with children with Asperger’s, as children with Asperger’s don’t tend to have the same desire to please and have a more difficult time changing behaviors.

With children with Asperger’s, it can be effective to try to change only one behavior at a time. Concentrate on teaching a child to either pee or poop in the potty, not both at the same time. Watch your child to see if you see signs that your child is aware of needing to use the toilet. If he is aware of his need, it is time to start training.

Many parents find Social Stories helpful during potty training. These are short, pictorial guides designed to storyboard the potty process. Talking through these with your child can help familiarize him with the process of using the toilet. These stories should contain information about feeling the need to use the potty through flushing the toilet and washing your hands. You will need to repeat these Social Stories often, and understand that the potty training process take some time.

Establish a routine around using the potty for your child. This will help the child with Asperger’s feel more comfortable with the toilet training process. Look to see if your child has any fears about using the potty that need to be addressed. Look to see if your child has a degree of comfort and ability in manipulating his own clothing. Can he pull down his own pants? Can he work the button or snap on his pants? If he is comfortable with these things, use them in helping him establish his potty routine.

Maria Wheeler has created a good book on toilet training called, “Toilet Training for Individuals with Autism & Related Disorders.” This comprehensive toilet training guide contains two hundred toilet training tips and over forty case studies with solutions. Reading this book will give you not only helpful tips, but also some real life examples of how those tips worked for people.

Aspergers Children and Gym Class

It is quite likely that kids with Aspergers will start gym classes just as any other normal kid would, that is with enthusiasm and expectations, but it is important to be careful while mixing gym class and Aspergers together in order to ensure that the experience does not become an uncomfortable one for the youngster with Aspergers.

The problems that an Aspergers youngster may have in gym classes may be related to a number of problems that they face due to their unfortunate disorder, like impaired motor skills which make it difficult for them to take quick instructions or make quick movements and thereby to play baseball, soccer or any other physically demanding sports. A gymnasium can be loud and the confusing commotion created there in combination with the players and students yelling and the coach blowing in his whistle can be devastating for certain Aspergers youngster as they are sometimes super-sensitive to noise.

Another problem faced by the Aspergers youngster is the fact that he must change among his peers, and since these special kids are not apt at changing clothes without some assistance, it could mean social embarrassment. Rude behaviors with peers and educators in gym classes by these kids are often common as well because they are often maladapted to deal with social situations.

The most dangerous part of gym classes and Aspergers kids is the fact that they are often adept at withstanding amazing amounts of pain, which, though sounds like a good thing, can put the youngster in danger because he may hide injuries he received due to some contact sports. These are some of the most common problems that are to be noted by educators and moms and dads alike in order to assure the youngster’s well being and adaptability in gym classes.

It is very important to note that it is essential to understand the problems of the particular youngster with Aspergers first before taking any steps to help them as problems differ from individual to individual, therefore, subject educators, moms and dads, gym educators and special educators must cooperate in order to create the right gym environment for these kids. Peers who are willing and kind enough to help these kids out in their day to day gym activities should be assigned to each of them and gym educators must take caution, not to surprise the Aspergers youngster with any sudden change in the routine as they follow routines and instructions by the book.

Sometimes, when the degree of the Aspergers disorder is more than average, educators may be required to use flash cards, pictures or even posters as visual cues due to their inability to interpret verbal instructions properly. Demonstrations are often extremely helpful for Aspergers kids, especially if it is done before the general students tries to do the activity.

An assigned aide can do a lot of benefit to the kids with Aspergers as they can remove a youngster from a gym session if he becomes particularly stressed out or may be due to the youngster’s inability to handle the excess noise in the gym. A properly written, general weekly schedule can help the Aspergers youngster to be clear from confusions. Finally, a physical education teacher or any teacher for instance should understand that although an Aspergers youngster will most probably be bright in some aspects, but some, he will have difficulty in handling with efficiency; for such cases a possible alternative should be offered to the student.

Kindness and willingness to help from educators, moms and dads and friends can make gym class and Aspergers go together very nicely, in fact under the right conditions, the Aspergers youngster can even excel in gym classes.

Aspergers and Mixed State Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar Disorder’s Mixed State and Aspergers is often confused, but they are not one and the same. Certain features may coincide, but the two disorders can usually be differentiated on the ground that Aspergers kids are not interested in their friendship with peers, but children with bipolar disorder show interest in peer activities (although their aggressive impulses often render it useless).

Bipolar disorder is a comorbid condition found rarely in Aspergers, but when it is found, it makes the clinical condition of the child even more complicated. The Mixed Stage is the most dangerous and difficult stage of the bipolar disorder, and in combination with Aspergers, it becomes even more dangerous. It is not necessary that all children with Aspergers will also develop the bipolar mixed disorder, and neither is it vice versa, but it is present sometimes.

Bipolar Disorder, which may or may not co-exist with Aspergers, has the following symptoms and features:

• A condition which combines both mania and depression together to make the person feel tired, lethargic and anxious at the same time is called the Mixed State. Suicidal tendencies are the biggest danger involved with the individuals suffering from the Mixed State stage of the bipolar disorder, because the frustration and depression does not take away the energy necessary to commit suicide.

• Academic performance is seriously hampered by memory loss that might be caused due to a long term of untreated bipolar disorder. One may actually lose brain matter if the disorder is not met with proper treatment in time. Impulsive behavior and STM (short term memory) loss are the most common effects seen, for example, recollection of names and faces can be difficult.

• An advanced state of bipolar disorder causes insomnia or sleeplessness. A person suffering from bipolar disorder related insomnia may stay up for many a nights leading to poor performance in everything, and if stretched for a very long period, even psychosis.

• If someone reaches the extreme stage of mania, that is psychosis, he would require immediate hospitalization, especially if they are suffering from bipolar disorder as well, because their thoughts become both blurred and lunatic causing them to attempt suicide. The persons are often totally oblivious to their location and surroundings.

Following a routine to control your sleeping habits can be a step towards improvement. Also try out exercises you find appropriate for you, and do not under-eat or over-eat. Managing work if you are suffering from bipolar disorder can be hard, but taking breaks and keeping to regular hours can be really helpful. Try to avoid doing big jobs at once, rather set small tasks in front of you in order to reach your ultimate goal of finishing the big work. This helps in bringing the stress down and a sense of completion comes over you.

Individuals with bipolar disorder suffer from extremes of both happiness and depression. In order to control these, healthy lifestyle, proper medication and therapy from an experienced therapist can control the dangerous and hazardous problems that bipolar disorder gives rise to, therefore it is important to treat it early and properly.

Aspergers/HFA Children and Excessive Crying

Question

My 9 year old daughter cries all the time. When I tell her about something she has done wrong or try and correct something... she starts crying – even when she spills a drink or something on herself. I never shout or even tell her off... I think she would faint if I did!! She must have uncontrolled emotions or something, not being able to deal with them properly perhaps.

Answer

Can there be too much crying? Should we be concerned at some point when school-aged children cry? I think yes.

Often Aspergers and high functioning autistic (HFA) children feel criticized by their parents who tell them that they shouldn't cry. Hurt, they may cry more when told to stop crying. That's why I think we should downplay the message, "Don't cry," and play up the message, "Let's think of better ways you could handle this situation without crying." This approach makes us allies, trying to help our children grow up.

Another key for parents is not to reinforce excessive crying behavior. For example, Michael cries when he is frustrated. Rather than assisting him in response to tears, the parents could say: "We'll be glad to help you when you pull yourself together and ask for help in a big boy voice." The message should be, "It's not a good idea to cry about small things. Use your strength. We want to help you be strong."

Children on the autism spectrum often keep crying as long as it seems to work for them. When it doesn't, they eventually quit. If they are upset about something, we want them to learn to handle their feelings in more powerful ways.

One factor that generally triggers Aspergers and HFA children to stop crying is social pressure. If older children cry often in front of peers, they generally will be ridiculed. Parents can point this out while they teach their children other, more powerful responses to difficult situations.

Kids on the autism spectrum do indeed have problems with low-frustration tolerance, and they are very sensitive to changes in routine as well as certain environmental stimuli. As parents, we want to treasure our child's sensitivity. But, we also want to teach both boys and girls to tolerate some feelings without crying and to express certain emotions in more mature ways.

==> My Aspergers Child: Preventing Tantrums and Meltdowns