7 Tips for Parenting Autistic Children

In this social work report I am going to share with you the 7 most useful tips and techniques that I have picked up when working with families as a social worker over the past 11 years:

1. Coping with the grieving process

For all families who have a child with Autism/Aspergers, or any disability come to that, there are always some feelings of grief or loss. This is not because you are rejecting your child or in any way being negative about them. But it’s just that when you plan for a family, spend 9 months in labor and then begin to raise your child you have a certain dream/ideal life planned out.

This is just human nature and one of the things that divides us from animals. We have the ability to see our future in our heads and we like to plan it. Particularly these days when there are so many shows, in fact whole TV channels, dedicated to having babies, family planning, pregnancy etc. There are shows on “taming toddlers”, home improvement shows teaching you how to make the “perfect nursery”, adverts for all the latest baby kit and gadgets.

So it’s little wonder that you have such dreams and ambitions, and have the perfect little family in your mind. Having a child with aspergers can often destroy that particular dream. You may well spend time slowly realising that perhaps “something is not quite right” with your child. Some time after that you will get a clinical diagnosis and learn that your child has aspergers syndrome.

With this knowledge a grieving process will begin. This is a grieving process for the “perfect” child and “perfect” life that you were dreaming of. This is a perfectly natural and understandable process. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love your child or think anything negatively about them.

It’s just that your child is different to what you expected. Now just look at that word “different” the dictionary definition is “differing from all others”, and is that so bad? So it’s not a good thing or a bad thing, just a different thing.

A really great way of looking at this is in the short story by Emily Perl Kingsley which you can read at http://www.aboutautism.org.uk/holland.htm

But for many parents this can be a hugely difficult thing to get through. Often there is guilt attached to these feelings of grief. This may be guilt that you feel that you don’t truly love your child as you are feeling this sense of loss. Or perhaps guilt as a parent that somehow it is your fault that your child has aspergers syndrome.

So often with feelings of guilt, just like other painful feelings, you can choose to avoid those feelings.

So instead of talking about those feelings and starting to understand them, and eventually come to terms with them, you stuff them away somewhere in your brain.

Just like we can all do with painful thoughts and memories. Often you may choose patterns of behavior that can be destructive such as overeating, drinking more alcohol, spending more money than usual to cope (or retail therapy as it is now called).

You may not do these destructive things though. You may overcompensate by trying to be “super mum” or “super dad” to your children, at the expense of all else.

But the bottom line is that if you do avoid these feelings then they are not going to simply go away forever.

Now again let me be clear on this I am in no way making you a bad person for this.

As we all try to avoid negative feelings and thoughts if we can. In fact our brains are wired up to try to get us out of pain as quickly as they can. But such intense feelings of grief, loss, bereavement call them what you want won’t just go away.

They will show themselves in a variety of damaging other ways. For instance you may adopt a very blaming approach to all kinds of people involved in your child’s care. This could be teachers, paediatricians, psychologists, social workers etc.

In this way all of your anger and grief is being directed at other people. This can cause problems in building relationships with people who are there to help you.

It also will mean that such negativity will stay with you for years, like a big weight on your shoulders. By expressing your emotions in this way it won’t make you feel better or allow you to heal psychologically in the long term. In fact it will set up an endless cycle of negativity towards others that will further deplete and drain you emotionally. Another way that your grief may show itself is, if you are not able to deal with it, maybe in some degree of mental illness. Conditions like depression or anxiety can be quite common ways in which your unresolved grief may appear.

Obviously none of these are conditions that are helpful to you when trying to understand and become a good parent to your aspergers child.

Those are just a few examples of the problems that you could encounter by not openly expressing your feelings. Physical illness can be another side effect. As you may well be aware your physical emotions can be very acidic in your body’s system. Think for a minute of how tight your stomach can feel or how cold your blood can feel when you get really anxious or worried about something.

That is acid being physically built up in your system and clearly excess acid in your system can do all kind of damage to your internal organs. Add to this the impact that it may have on your immune system, which may make you much more susceptible to a whole host of diseases. So failing to tackle your emotions can put you at a disadvantage both mentally and physically.

Now that’s quite a bleak scenario. But what I want to do is give you help and hope, not scare the heck out of you. So the secret of this is simply to talk about it.

Talk about those feelings of loss that you have and you can avoid these undesirable scenarios. If you feel at times that you have been cheated of a “normal” healthy child who will do all of the “normal” healthy things in life you need to talk about it.

I use the word “normal” in speech marks as clearly for the aspergers child what he or she does is normal – and everything that you and I do will seem abnormal and weird. So “nearly” is clearly a very relative term. But I digress………….. and at risk of repeating myself you must talk about it.

Now the next question may be who should I talk to? Well that is going to be dependent on you and your personal circumstances. Clearly a trained counsellor or relevant social/health care professional should hopefully have the skills to really help you to open up and talk about this stuff. Now dependent on which country you live in you may have free access to this service, or you may be required to pay for such a service. But it doesn’t have to be a professional though.

A sympathetic and understanding friend or family member could be of great help.

Providing that they are not a person who will spend the entire time talking about themselves, judging you on what you say, making you feel in anyway bad or offering you endless opinion on what you must do. At first it may be difficult and give you a whole variety of emotions (some good, some bad) but you need to stick with it, in order to move yourself forward. A good way of explaining this that I was told by counsellor once is that it’s like having a gaping wound in your leg after you have just fallen over and damaged it.

So you have a painful wound with blood, filled with dirt and muck. To heal the wound you have to rake all of the muck and clean it up. This is exactly what you must do with your feelings of loss, guilt, anger etc. In order to heal yourself you must get those feelings that can appear unclean, dirty or tainted out in the open and then they can be dealt with. Allowing you to move on more positively in your life. So the one thing for you to take from this is that you have to talk about your feelings to help yourself.

2. Look after yourself

Another important issue is making sure that you do look after yourself.

You need to look after yourself to help you enjoy your every day life and be the best parent you can be.

If you expend every single ounce of time and energy on others, and none on yourself, then you will soon be left with nothing left to give.

You cannot consistently do your best as a parent, or really expect to feel happy and unfulfilled as a person, if you do this.

Using the simple idea of a car – it runs best when it is full of fuel. And obviously the opposite of this is that when it has no fuel it stops completely. This is just like you as a parent – and the way that you ‘refuel’ is by looking after yourself. This is a mental and physical process and I will talk about both of these soon.

I know that the big problem for most parents is finding the spare time or energy to take for your self.

But if you really look hard enough at your life you can always find the time. More about this in a little while also.

First of all I am talking about looking after your self physically. Now don’t worry I am not going to start saying that you should go on 6 mile runs on a daily basis, or punishing yourself physically for hours down the gym. I am talking about firstly being aware of your ‘refuelling habits’ or, in other words, what you eat and drink.

If you drink excessive coffee, alcohol and sugary drinks. And also eat a diet largely based on processed foods, sugary foods, fatty foods and salty foods then the chances are that you may have some problems. Living a lifestyle like this can obviously contribute to weight problems, energy problems and physical ailments.

As well as this it can seriously affect your moods; perhaps making you feel tired, depressed and utterly lethargic.

Now this isn’t a healthy lifestyle resource so I am not going in depth into this here. But I have written a book on that subject, so email me if you want to know more.

But common sense tells you that if you look and feel overweight, lack energy and are prone to feelings of depression; then your quality of life and ability to parent will suffer.

The key to improving this area is to re-fuel much more on non-processed natural foods such as water, fruit, vegetables, fish, nuts, brown rice, pulses etc. Again I am not suggesting a whole lifestyle change – but this is something that you could start adjusting in your life and track your own results in how it improves your life. In addition to this aerobic exercise is another quick and easy way of making you feel better.

Like I said earlier this isn’t intended to cause you physical damage; so you need to do it to whatever level you are at. And always consult your physician before embarking on any course of fitness – as the adverts always tell you! The only thing I would say is that you need to do 20-30 minutes minimum at least 4 days per week to really feel the results.

If you are at the level of slow walking then great do that and build up. If you are able to jog, swim, cycle, rollerblade etc. that’s great too. Exercise will help you lose weight, secrete endorphins (little chemicals in your brain that make you feel good) and generally improve your ability to cope with things.

At first it may be very tiring and seem unnatural but in order to have more energy in your life; you need to exercise. One of the problems for many of us is that we are so stationary in life and we were not built to be like that. One of my all time favourite quotes from Tony Robbins (the famous US Life Coach guy) is that “emotion comes from motion”. By engaging your body more you do feel better.

I can honestly swear by this through personal experience. I now exercise 7 days a week and feel phenomenal afterwards. He also advises first thing in the morning as the best time to exercise as it turns on your metabolism to burn fat for the whole day. And it gets your day off to a great start with a “victory”.

But it’s not essential; you can do this any time of the day and still benefit. So for those of you pressed for time try setting the alarm 5 minutes earlier each morning for a week. Voila – you have 35 extra minutes each morning after 7 days; with which to look after yourself.

On the mental side it’s important to look after yourself by having people to turn to and talk to. This can be on serious issues as well as the enjoyment of just a good old chat! This can be friends, close family, relatives, support groups etc. I think another thing that really helps is to have something that is “just for you”. Not part of your role as a parent, wife/husband, friend, worker but YOU. Whether this means spending time reading a favorite book, playing an instrument, tending your garden, attending a college class.

It doesn’t matter what it is – if you want to do it and it’s important to you; find a way to do it! You may have to very creative to find the time but generally if you look hard enough, there is a way around every challenge in life. It will help you to have this specialist interest of your own in the world, and provide you with emotional strength/respite.

3. Adapt your lifestyle/routines

As you are probably well aware children with aspergers tend to thrive on routines and consistency. And they really struggle when things are unpredictable and liable to change without warning. In addition you will soon learn, by trial and error, which type of environments suit your child and which ones don’t. So the key to a happier family life in many cases lies with both understanding and accepting this.

Many families run into trouble when they try to simply slot their aspergers child into the normal routine. For example they go out for the day when the parents feel like it (rather than at a set agreed time). They have to go to the crowded soccer field with their mom to watch their brother play, or go the busy store to help with the weekly food shopping.

At this point many parents wonder why their child is shouting, screaming, aggressive or generally upset. This in turn is seen as some kind of “bad” behaviour, or as some unavoidable consequence of aspergers.

In actual fact if the schedule for the day had been run differently to suit the aspergers child it could all very well have been avoidable. Now I know many parents like to be laid back and not have to make definite plans (it’s one of the privileges of being an adult right?) and also practically struggle to juggle domestic/child care duties. So I am not saying that this stuff is easy. But equally doing things without proper regard to the impact on you and your child helps no-one.

So for potentially difficult events like the busy soccer crowd or the supermarket – is it really necessary for your child to go? At times there are probably other options.

But if not then some pre-planning can also help in the form of explaining what may happen at the event, how to react to certain possible situations and possible “escape” strategies if it gets too much to cope with for the child.

Similarly try to plan/schedule events so that your child has a clear idea as to what will happen in the day ahead and so be expecting it. This will greatly cut down on the difficulties that you can at times experience with your aspergers child.

Unfortunately the world is an unpredictable place so you cannot plan for every eventuality. But just putting a little thought into the need for consistency and structure in the aspergers child can bring some surprisingly good results all around.

4. Arm yourself with knowledge

The very fact that you are reading this short book of tips shows that you are aware of the importance of this point. So I won’t labor it too much! But the world is a fast-changing place these days and new ideas, research, viewpoints etc. are frequently coming out on a daily basis. And the world of aspergers is no exception! The internet is by far the easiest, most up-to-date and cheapest place to get this information.

Every day people are posting ideas on forums, adding content to their websites or writing stories about new developments.

One really helpful tip to keep on top of all the new content on the web is a little free feature called Google Alerts. I am sure that most of you are familiar with Google.

For those of you who are not they are THE biggest search engine on the internet. Estimates say that at about 70-80% of people who search online use Google.

So to get to Google’s home page you need to type in www.google.com into your internet browser (or just click the blue link I just gave you!). Then click on “More” and then “Alerts” then enter the word “Aspergers” in the “Search Terms” box and your email address and then you are away!

5. Get Support

Now all of us need support from time to time to encourage us and help us get through testing times in life. Many parents are fortunate that they can get support from each other, other family members or friends. But there are situations when this is not necessarily the best choice. Sometimes being able to talk to other people in the same situation (i.e. parents of other aspergers children) can really make the difference. This can be really helpful for letting off steam in an environment where you don’t feel judged or that you cannot say what you really think for fear of upsetting your husband/best friend/mom.

It is also a great way of picking up little tips or bits of advice that only other parents might now about. This could be particular approaches to helping your child, the name of a good therapist or a local event that’s going on.

Now support groups are traditionally held in public places such as church halls, recreational centers or school buildings after hours.

People come together to talk about different issues and there are often social spin-offs like trips out, coffee mornings and other such gatherings. But nowadays there are many different “virtual” support groups available on the internet.

You can access these without leaving the house and there are often people around 24 hours per day to interact with, due to the different time zones around the world.

I would recommend using both local and internet based support groups to get the best of both worlds. But ultimately the decision is down to you and what best suits your personal circumstances.

Support is also available from different professionals who may well be involved with you, your child and your family. This will often be just as helpful but in different ways. Teachers, social workers, health workers, psychologists can all offer a great deal of advice, techniques and insights into various aspects of aspergers. Most professionals in these fields are also trained, and develop through experience, the ability to be supportive, non-judgemental and empathic to your situation. So be sure to maximise these sources of support too. And never be afraid to pick up the phone to ask them for support.

6. What’s the reason?

One of the most important things that I can suggest for parents when confronted with any behaviour by your child is to always think “what’s the reason?” I know that this is easier said than done when your child is suddenly shouting, screaming or having a fully blown tantrum in a very public place. But whenever possible the most effective method is to quickly look at what the reason for the behaviour is – rather than an automatic reaction. Without wanting to baffle you with psycho-babble; an excellent technique that I use as a social worker is the “pain/pleasure” principle.

Now I am not going to take credit for this idea – as it is a concept that I have adopted from Tony Robbins (the life coach expert I mentioned earlier).

In fact this is slightly off-topic but if you want to equip yourself with some amazing tools and techniques to change every area of your life (your finances, emotions, physical fitness, health and spirituality) then check out his website at www.TonyRobbins.com

He comes with my highest endorsement; using his stuff his improved every area of my life infinitely over the past 4 years. Anyway I digress – the “pain/pleasure” principle is a basic way of understanding what motivates all human behaviour.

As human beings all of our behaviour can be explained at a most basic level as either helping us to get out of pain or get into pleasure.

For example over-eating gets you out of the pain of boredom/discomfort and also gives you the sensory pleasure of eating the food. Similarly smoking can get you out of the pain of a situation (for that short period when you inhale and exhale) and give you the pleasure of a comforting, soothing habit.

So OK can I really apply this to my child? Absolutely – any behaviour that your child may display can be seen at this basic level. So if your son starts to suddenly freak out in the store and shout noisily what does this mean? Well in all likelihood they will be getting out of the pain of a situation (maybe it’s a sensory problem of too much light, noise or people) by controlling their immediate environment through the noise that they are making. And similarly to the cigarette example there is probably some pleasure that they are getting from being able to instantly manipulate and control their environment.

So what to do next?

Well the key to this now is to help your child find a more appropriate way of gaining pleasure or getting out of pain, than shouting.

So maybe there is a song they like that you could sing to them, a familiar topic/discussion that you can have with them.

Or alternatively if you are sure that it’s a particular part of the environment that they are in, then get them out of the environment. Don’t persist with the situation, shout back or think of your child as bad/naughty. Remember that all behaviour has a reason and once you find out what that is you are half way there.

7. Prepare For Meetings

I know that many parents find meetings with professionals to be intimidating and daunting tasks. They needn’t be in fact in my opinion they certainly shouldn’t be.

One easy way of getting around this is to make sure that you don’t go alone.

Take someone who can help, and if necessary act as an advocate for you and your child. This could be a relative, friend or professional advocate.

But make sure you choose someone who can be calm, objective and who will not let their own issues/agendas affect things. Another great tip is to make sure that you clearly have your own questions/agenda for discussion written up to take with you.

You can bet your bottom dollar that the professionals will have a written agenda, so it’s important for you to do the same.

I even go one step further when attending important meetings. I play them out in my head beforehand. That way I can “see” what will happen – and have chance to think of answers/questions, iron out any problems or difficulties that may arise.

Before they happen! I would advise you to do this and you will see what a difference this makes when it comes to your next meeting. But my most important piece of advice is to remember that 99% of all professionals who are working with your aspergers child are doing it for all the right reasons.

People in social and health care are drawn to this kind of work because they really want to help other people. So bear this is mind – that the people involved are here to help you and your child.
The Parenting Autism Resource Guide: A Complete Resource Guide For Parents Who Have Children Diagnosed With Autism.

The 5 Biggest Mistakes That Parents of Asperger’s Children Make

The 5 biggest mistakes that parents of Asperger’s children make:

1. Waiting too long to take action.

I have worked with children who were diagnosed very early with ASD’s and looked like severe Autism (banging head into the wall, screaming, and flapping arms all day with no initiation of communication) at ages 2 and 3 but with early intervention and treatment looked like mild Asperger’s or even normally developing by the time they were five. When I first see children who are already early elementary school aged and never had services because people thought they were just late talkers, they have missed the optimal time for intervention and the prognosis for improvement is not as good. 

We absolutely must catch them when they are very young and provide treatment. We need to get the message out that it is better to help kids who would have been fine either way than to overlook kids because we think they will “grow out of it”. Time and again I get kids who are 5 years old and the parents have known something was not coming together right for years. We have to get rid of the stigma/fear and show people that getting help early works and is worth stepping through the fear and advocating for the services their child needs.

 

2. Overlooking the benefits of routines and consistency.

Example: Johnny wakes up one morning and eats breakfast, brushes teeth, gets dressed, then goes to school. The next morning Johnny wakes up and is surprised to find that he has to take a bath before getting dressed. Johnny has a tantrum and becomes aggressive, hitting, putting holes in walls, and the whole family is late to school and work and stressed out.

If you don’t build in the predictability where it is possible, he has to find ways to cope and you might not like his preferred coping mechanisms (rocking, flapping, withdrawing, tantrum). Certainly, we cannot predict every situation in life, but having a core routine within the family is usually very helpful for the child with Asperger’s. Preparing a child for changes in the routine is also helpful.

In Johnny’s case, perhaps the water was not working the night before and you had to get the bath before school. If Johnny retains verbal information it is important to tell Johnny the night before what to expect the next morning. Ideally you would make a schedule (written, pictures, photos depending on his abilities) so he can visually see what to expect out of the day.

This is so helpful when changes in routines are necessary. That being said, it is also possible to OVER schedule the routine. I have found that children with Asperger’s are often so dependent on their routines that it can be very disruptive to alter them when life happens. For this reason, many parents have found it helpful to build adaptations and variations into their regular routines. They teach their child to cope with the many changes in routines that happen all the time. 

3. Friendship failure.

Failing friendships are a challenge some higher functioning children with Asperger’s can face. For example, Jane, a 7 year old, is friends with Leanne. Jane has Asperger’s and does not like to be in large groups of people. Leanne is also 7 and is the daughter of Jane’s mother’s best friend. Jane likes to swim, Leanne likes to talk to her friends. Jane often becomes frustrated and is not sure what to say when Leanne is around. She doesn’t read her social cues and does not know how to get into the conversation, nor does she have a desire to talk about what Leanne and her friends are talking about.

Find activities that your child is truly interested in and help them cultivate friendships within those activities. In Jane’s case, she enjoys swimming so finding a swimming team or class that she can attend regularly and then role playing and coaching her to help her with social skills related to those relationships will evolve into people who know Jane and share an interest with her. Ideally, in the future those friendships will turn into a network of advocates and friends who will share Jane’s interests and appreciate who she is as a human being.

4. Expecting the child to know what to expect when they don’t, this is particularly true in social situations.

Imagine how a birthday party must seem to a child who has never been to one. People singing while a large bright colored blob that is on fire is brought out in the dark (the cake with candles). Imagine how it would feel to go to your first day of Kindergarten when you don’t know where to go to use the toilet, are not sure how to ask other people if you can play with them, and don’t particularly care much for being in a room full of people.

I find that children with social skills challenges do best when placed first into social situations that interest them AND have lots of structure. For instance, even an uncoordinated child will often enjoy non-competitive group sports when the rules are very clear.

Ideally as they age you expose the child to more social situations and provide them with information about what to expect and how to behave. For instance, if they are meeting their teacher, you let them know that they will be meeting the teacher and what it involves. Meeting the teacher involves going to the school, walking into the classroom, saying “Hello, my name is Joe”, making eye contact, and shaking the teacher’s hand. It also involves listening to the teacher introduce themselves, and answering a question or two if the teacher asks. Joe might also have questions about the class that can be answered then, but his parents must be familiar enough with his needs to help him know what to ask. Carol Gray’s Social Stories are a great resource for children learning to interact socially and role playing is often helpful.

5. Jumping on the latest thing instead of analyzing their child’s needs and finding the right tools to help them as an individual.

Sarah’s family is well educated and has the means to provide her with whatever she needs. They see many specialists and try every new thing that comes out to “fix” Sarah.

It is critical to really think about what you know about your child before selecting different treatment options. Each child is so different and certainly there will be some trial and error, but there are often clues/indicators of what will work best for a particular child. Parents often disregard their parental instincts because they have heard something worked for someone they know and the child got much better.

The families I see who have the most success seem to be the families who know their child’s strengths and needs and have found a combination of strategies that are a good match for their child.

The Parenting Aspergers Resource Guide

Defiance in Teens with Aspergers & High-Functioning Autism

"My son (high functioning autistic) is now 13 ...he was diagnosed at the age of 8. All of a sudden he is acting out, cussing all the time, lying, being disrespectful and verbally abusive, and has an overall grumpy attitude. Are these years the hardest, or is this just the beginning? When he finally hits puberty, will things get better?"

Click here for the answer...

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Aspergers Children & Sexual Behaviors

Individuals with autism are sexual beings, just as everyone else is. However, because of their inability to control all of their impulses, they may display behaviors that are inappropriate in public. This can be particularly difficult to deal with as it can be embarrassing for parents to deal with. This is something you will need to be direct and proactive about.

There are social aspects of sexuality that will need to be dealt with. You can use social stories to teach about sexuality as well as many other things. It is important that your child understand good touch/bad touch. They can be vulnerable in this area and you want them to be prepared in order to reduce their risk.

In order to be proactive, you will need to think ahead, and decide what is appropriate to teach your child at each stage of development. When talking about sexuality, use real terms. Individuals with autism do not pick up on social cues, so they need concrete terms about what you are talking about. Reinforce appropriate behavior, and when inappropriate behavior occurs (e.g., masturbating in public), redirect the child.

Plan ahead before going into the community. Let them know exactly what is expected of them while they are in the community. If your child is young and doesn't seem to comprehend, give them something else to keep their hands busy.

Using behavior modification techniques can be effective. For older children, adolescents, let them know that it is okay to do that, but it needs to be done in private. You need to decide that you will address the issue, and not avoid it.

Set aside some time with your child to talk about sexuality. If you only respond when an incident occurs you may be sending the wrong message to your child. Find out what your child knows about sexuality, again using direct questions. Find out if your child has concerns or fears about sexuality. 

Talk about what is "normal" sexual behavior, but also let them know what is inappropriate. Try to let your child know that you are comfortable and that it is okay to have sexual feelings and it is OK to talk about them. If you still have concerns, talk to your child's school. They may have some programs that can be helpful in teaching more about sexuality. Or you can seek the advice of a professional outside of the school.

Changing Your Aspie's Eating Habits

"My grandson has Asperger’s. He is age 7. His diet consists of cheese, eggs, bread, milk, juice, wieners, fish, hamburgers, chicken, mashed or French fried potatoes and, on occasion, chocolate and bananas. He will eat no pasta, vegetables, or any other fruit. Does this eating problem go along with Asperger’s? How can we get him to change his eating habits?"

Your grandson’s disorder may cause unusual reactions to new foods and he may not want to eat them. To him, they may taste bitter, salty, or just plain awful. They may smell bad (to him). He may dislike the textures of new foods. Consequently, he doesn’t want to eat foods that cause these reactions.

Compared to some other Aspies, your grandson’s diet is not that terrible. He gets protein from eggs, milk, cheese, wieners, fish, hamburger, and chicken  ...grains, which provide B vitamins, from bread and hamburger and hot dog buns  ...some vitamins and minerals, including vitamin C, from juice, potatoes, chocolate, and bananas  ...and calcium and vitamin D from milk and cheese.

All in all, his diet could be worse and is not much different from what many neurotypical children eat. However, his diet would be more nutritious if he ate more fruits, vegetables, and grains. 

Perhaps he would try some whole grain cereals. Many Asperger's children like Life cereal or Cheerios. See if he likes popcorn, which is a whole grain (don’t load it up with a lot of butter, though). Try whole grain breads, hamburger and hot dog buns. He might like whole grain rice. Try it mixed in a cheese and chicken casserole. Most children like macaroni and cheese. See if he does. Try tacos made with whole grain tortillas, hamburger, and cheese. You might be able to sneak in some chopped tomato and onion. Use low fat hamburger and 1% milk.

See if he will drink different types of fruit juices. There are new ones on the market that are delicious and have a serving of fruit and one of vegetables in each glass. Many fruits may taste sour to him. If he likes cereal, slice half of a banana on it. Canned peaches and pears are sweet and may appeal to him. Cut up fruits into bite sized pieces so they are easy to eat. Don’t chastise him if he doesn’t eat them; maybe in the future he will. Make small apple or blueberry muffins. He might like them, too. Yogurt with fruit is an option you could try.

As far as vegetables are concerned, it may be an uphill road! But, sometimes vegetables can be hidden in other foods, for example, in those juices mentioned above. How about putting some onion in his hamburger? Potatoes are vegetables and he likes them! Try oven frying the French fries instead of frying in oil. Blend some cooked cauliflower into his mashed potatoes. He may not notice the difference. He may like sweet potatoes. He might like creamed corn or cornbread. Does he eat any soup, such as pea soup or vegetable? You could try tomato soup made with milk -- he might like it. If you put finely chopped, frozen carrots and peas in a chicken/cheese casserole, he might eat them. Avocado has a bland taste, and you could mix it into his hamburger patties.

It’s very important not to make “a big deal” about what he doesn’t eat. If you do, eating will become a power struggle. Offer various new foods along with ones he likes. If he doesn’t like them, don’t make an issue of it. Some battles aren’t worth constant fighting, especially when his diet isn’t too bad to begin with. Keep serving some new foods along with the old ones. Avoid serving soda pop and sweets so he doesn’t fixate on them.

My last suggestion is to make sure he has a multivitamin each day. Get one that is chewable, tastes good, and has a cute shape. Also, drinking Ensure or Pediasure is a good way to supplement his diet with vitamins and minerals.


COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said... Ahh. The die game. It's typical. You just described my son, he just turned 8. Mostly salty or sweet stuff and mostly all carbs, thank god for eggs ad chicken. Yup, he's typical. If you can, prepare burgers with puréed veggies in them, be careful though, they have extremely sensitive palates and an detect any changes in the usual preparation. I put a beaten egg into chicken noodle soup to get extra protein. You gotta be discrete. Yogurt is good for the fruits, and dark chocolate is better, I feel for u, but, they are hard to change. And punishment isn't the answer, you are only required to provide food, it's up to him to eat it, he won't starve, remember that. You're awesome as a grand mom to be involved in his life like this, bless you:) if he tries one we thing a week, that's progress, just put a bit on his plate and say leave it there. Chances are they always try it;) in my experience. Good luck. And as long as he's thriving, he's ok.
•    Anonymous said... Exactly our issue here. We are starting food therapy on Sept.
•    Anonymous said... feeding therapy through OT
•    Anonymous said... Food issues are such a problem for my 7 year old she only weighs 30lbs. She has had problems eating since she was born. I couldnt nurse her and she wouldn't take a bottle easily. We had to give her pedisure for the longest time. We blended it like a smoothie and thankfully she likes strawberries. However pedisure is not cheap, so today I make her lots of smothies with whole milk, fresh fruit, strawberry powder, flax seeds, vitamin d oil, and multivitamins. She drinks this mixture 2x a day. And I keep the the fruit in the freezer so her drink is extra cold. I think her sensitivity is in her throat because she will actually start choking on anything that is not routine food for her, so the cold smoothie I think is vey soothing to her. The best advice I can give is to be patient and dont ever give up. Lately my daughter has been real interested in gardening, she wants to plant, grow, and eat her own fruits and veggies. Which is a huge leap forward for us. Hang in there it will get better.
•    Anonymous said... Get someone to tell him he needs to eat other things, we did this through the naturopath as my 8 year old is gluten and diary intollerant , I have two on the spectrum and definitely there is a huge change in behavior since changing diet, it is a known fact that most kids on the spectrum have a leaky gut and processed foods cause great discomfort for the person and in turn this causes irratation and bad moods
•    Anonymous said... Google Natasha Mcbride GAPS. Amazing stuff.
•    Anonymous said... I gave my kids the choice, they had to pick any 3 out of the whole spectrum of vegetables, and they had to agree to eat them whenever they were on their plate. We discussed what each type of food does for our bodies (meat makes me strong, rice gives me energy, carrots help me see, etc). Sometimes get a whinge out of them but they agreed to it and I feel that they have a balanced diet.
•    Anonymous said... I would be thrilled if my 12-year old son with Autism ate that much! He eats VERY few things and drinks ONLY chocolate milk and sweet tea. (I semi-jokingly say that the chocolate milk has kept him alive.) I also have to practically force him to eat, yes, his favorite things. It's like his body and his brain don't communicate with each other, so he doesn't even know he's hungry.
•    Anonymous said... I'd just be thankful for the protein here. My son has SOOO many allergies he's diet is limited.
•    Anonymous said... It can absolutely be related. Sensory issues on the spectrum can make eating an absolute chore. The villain isn't just taste either, texture can play a large part in the eating issues of spectrumites. Veggies and fruits are big culprits in this. Lots of them have tough textures, leaving a stringy feeling or tiny hard seeds, while others can be so mushy it can be likened to slime. Try lots of different cooking and preparation methods for each fruit/veg. When one method doesn't work, put it on the back burner and wait a bit before trying something else. Introduce the foods slowly, and one at a time. One thing that really helped with my son, is to encourage him to just try everything. I really emphasize that it is perfectly a-ok not to like something. Anytime he tries something new, he gets gigantic praise, even if he doesn't like it. It has taken a while, but I've found he actually has an interesting pallate (he LOVES beets, for example) Best of luck getting your kiddo to eat well
•    Anonymous said... It will come in time My daughter is almost 9 and the same way. They will be curious about new foods. My aspie feel that by repeating foods that she like is because she "knows" what to expect in taste and texture. She is sometimes afraid to try new foods because of not having another choice if she doesn't like it. Don't worry it'll change.
I have a friend who's kid is not on the spectrum at all and won't eat nothing but nuggets, hotdogs and pizza!
•    Anonymous said... Like the article answer said, his diet really isn't that bad...he eats fish, eggs and hamburger! The ONLY meat my son will eat is chicken, and only in the form of chicken nuggets/tenders. And they have to be specific kinds, he won't eat different kinds of chicken tenders he hasn't had before. He eats mac and cheese, but only specific kinds, if there is anything different about the noodles he won't touch them. He will eat grilled cheese, but only if made a certain way. Extremely limited as far as what he will try and how things have to be cooked/presented.
•    Anonymous said... Mine won't eat meat
•    Anonymous said... My 7 year old Aspie used to be very picky. He would only eat crackers and cheese for the longest time. Over time I have turned trying new foods into a game or told him that he had to try it at least once. If he didn't like it he didn't have to eat it. Ever since I started doing those two things he has really broadened his palette. His favorite thing is avocados! Who would have thought! The other thing I do is take advantage of his thirst for knowledge and show him how processed foods are made and what they contain and that quickly made him rethink his food choices. I hope some of these ideas help.
•    Anonymous said... My 9 yr olds son's diet is fairly limited too. Breakfast is probably the worst meal of the day. He will eat one thing every day for months until he's sick of it and then we have a battle to find something else to eat
•    Anonymous said... My almost 10 year old still eats a limited diet. The most frustrating is that he won't eat beef, chicken, or pork (and I cook a lot of chicken). If he eats any meat at all, it's processed. On a good note though, he loves fruits and veggies. He is on the skinny side for sure but he is healthy. We don't do food battles in this house. I spent too much time with him standing over the sink throwing up when he was little by trying to force the issue. He has added a small amount of foods over the years (but not many).
•    Anonymous said... My aspie daughter has tons of sensory issues. she was seen for two years by a kenesiologist to help de-sensitize her to these things. among them are several food such a almost all fruit. His suggestion was to offere the healthy foods and not the unhealthy foods and when she was hungry enough she would eat. We made it mandatory that she ate 1 strawberry or 2 raspberries, 1 piece of broccoli before she got to eat anything else. We served it on a separate plate with only the veggie on it and told her once she eats that small portion she could have the rest of the meal. I sat there with her until she did, the rest of us would eat our full supper. If she chose not to eat her meal and was hungry later then her food was waiting for her. The rule was, you don't have to like it, but you do have to eat it to be healthy. I made sure it was never punitive. If she made a fit at the table she went to bed until she was ready to comply. Bad manners at the table has never been tolerated in our home. A child having apergers still needs to be taught appropriate behaviour and not to be allowed to scream and throw tantrums and be demanding. My aspie is not 15 and she knows how to behave as I taught her the same way I taught her non-aspie sister who has ADHD and ODD. We use behaviour Modification Therapy here. Even as teens. The sooner you start teaching your child what is appropriate and what is not, the easier the battle, I started with my kids as soon as they are aged 2. Children's aid was so impressed that they approved our homestudy to adopt a child with fetal alcohol and prenatal drug effects who is possibly on the ASD. She is now five and has many challenges accepting limitations but I am doing exactly what I did with my older two and we are currently in the process of adopting from Children's Aid again. We are looking at a sibling group under 5 with special needs. You teat them as a non-challenged child but with eyes and heart open to the increased difficulty and challenges they face. The onus is on the Adult to remain calm, be consistent and fair and to not make excuses because they have Aspergers. If the parents fully accept their child for who they are, the child will accept themselves and you will have a happier and better behaved child.
•    Anonymous said... My boy ate nothing until 2.5 years, lived on milk hated textures. Meal times were a nightmare! He was underweight for awhile so I let him eat what ever he wanted, then we changed his diet to organic and gluten free. He loves sushi, salmon and vege is his favourite and yesterday (he's 7) he said he loves meat after declaring at 3 to be a vegetarian superhero. So stick with it, talking to him about how his body works and the fuel it needs really helps I think he is sensitive to chemicals, he can sniff them out as hard as it is going organic and gluten free I believe "fixed" the problem, he notices the difference at school etc so he is happy to stick with it
•    Anonymous said... My daughter's diet is limited but thankfully, fairly healthy. Grocery shopping is pretty easy...as long as they don't stop carrying those essential items!
•    Anonymous said... My grandson is 19 yrs old. He has ate chicken strips his whole life. Sometimes tacos. No fruits . Only green beans n any potatoes except baked.
•    Anonymous said... My son eats everything! He was eating salad before he was 1 year old. I always wondered if it had anything to do with what he was fed when we started solid foods. He did not get "jarred baby food" I made his food. After fruits and veggies were introduced I went strait to pureeing what we had for dinner. My daughter on the other hand who is not AS had "jarred baby food" because I was working at the time and it was just easier. She is extremely picky and won't touch the food if she doesn't think she will like it. She just recently started trying foods and eating more veggies. She has always ate fruit.
•    Anonymous said... My son Is the same way except he will not eat even if he does get hungry.
•    Anonymous said... My son would eat fruit 24 hours a day if I would let him. He used to eat everything but salmon and when he got MRSA and started showing signs of Autism his diet changed overnight. We've been working hard for years to get him to eat his food that we cook and we all eat. There are somethings we might have to adjust from what the rest of us are eating. But any food that is white he won't touch and he likes his veggies HAVE to be raw not cooked. Like I'll make his own sauce separate from what we eat. Ours son's school started this thing called Say Yes to No. The Idea is getting them to do things or say yes to things they would normally say no to. Or accept a response of being told no. He gets a star that we put his name on and he takes it back to school and the stars are put in a jar and at the end of the week a star is drawn and the kids get a prize. At home when we do it, if he gets so many we go do something of his choice whether it be a movie, going out to eat ect. It does make a difference on the yes to no.
•    Anonymous said... oh yes this went on for a long time. I stioll give my non aspie V8 fusion. I also puree veggies into pasta sauce
•    Anonymous said... Our 10 year old diet eats a good variety of food I think, but nothing can touch, no sauce or gravy etc as that makes food touch, it has to be the same brands he always has and food has to be cooked a certain way I.e his sausages must be grilled he will not eat them barbequed, trout and salmon must be wrapped in foil and cooked in the oven, not grilled or pan fried or steamed etc. if his food touched, was a different brand or cooked the wrong way it would cause a panic like reaction and retching.
•    Anonymous said... Thank you all for your comments. My 7 year old son is the same as the one mentioned in the original statement. Food is a constant issue (not a war, because it is one battle I don't want to deal with everyday), but my family is concerned. And now he needs to lose some weight because of what he eats. It is very difficult, so I thank you for all your suggestions!!!
•    Anonymous said... that is not uncommon - Aspies often have rigid food limitations and it can be hard to get them to bend. I suggest getting one of the cook books about how to sneak veg and fruit into a kids food without them knowing - one was done by Seinfeld's wife, I know that. My son got much more flexible on some things as he got older, especially when they are getting into puberty - their appetite can expand their tastes, too. Just keep trying to introduce other foods, maybe in some combination with the ones he likes - like make strawberry milk with his milk, and some natural sweetener like xylosweet and strawberries - just strain out the seeds before you serve it to him - like a thin smoothie - he might like it - then you can expand that to other fruits, and that is an easy way to sneak in a bit of veg like kale and such, too. Home baked breads are a good way to sneak stuff in, too!
•    Anonymous said... The doctor actually told us as long as there is bread and water on the table. They will be fine!
•    Anonymous said... The thing I do with my son is give him the motivation to try something new. We discuss healthy eating etc and he knows he's not allowed dessert until he's eaten most of his dinner. It's not a quick fix. It takes time to logically discuss and find that motivator. I'm lucky my son is so rigid about having dessert!
•    Anonymous said... This is very common, oversensitivity to flavors, smells textures. My son (8) has just now started eating "normal" food (cheese pizza, chow mein, steak, and a wide variety of vegetables) - before he at pasta, plain bread, cereal, apples, carrots, cheese, and protein bars (no meat, no other dairy, no other produce, nothing with sauce, no sandwiches, no peanut butter...) I had to supplement with calcium and multivitamins. I agonized over this for many years, the only thing you can do is wait. The list you provided is not that bad, so try not to worry. Find a good, whole food organic fruit/veggie supplement at the health food store if you're worried about the lack of fresh fruit and veggies. Check what their return policy, good supplements are expensive, if he doesn't like it, take it back and keep trying until you find one he likes.
•    Anonymous said... We use rewards as for trying new foods and after a while he begins to like the foods. As for being sneaky, he loves v8 juices and we do give him that to drink at least he gets some veggies and fruits that way.
•    Anonymous said... When our 15 year old is exposed to a new situation I have to preface that he only eats "white" foods. He use to call himself a carb piranha. He will eat bananas and apples, when peeled. Very typical and we sneak in the protein with peanut butter and protein bars. Thank goodness we started him on balance bars as a two year old!!
•    Anonymous said... Wow he eats a really varied diet compared to my grandkids!
•    Anonymous said... wow what an insightful child you have! Is that because they know it is an animal? Very inspiring!
•    Anonymous said... Wow! I think your lucky! We are basically chicken strips, fish sticks, and cheese pizza here. And he is brand and restaurant specific. Only certain brands and only certain things at certain place. It drives me insane! A lot of it is a texture thing. He is currently doing OT to try and help with that. He likes the taste of canned peaches but cannot eat them without choking and gagging. He doest like the "slippery" fruits.
•    Anonymous said... wow! that is a GREAT diet! I wish my son ate such a variety. My son just eats certain pasta, pizza, chicken nuggets and certain cereals. Sometimes a banana or apple. He also likes certain cakes or pringles. But that's it. I wish he ate fish and drank juice or milk.
•    Anonymous said... You asked if this eating problem goes along with Aspergers...Welcome to the World of Autism. Yes, indeed it does.
•    Anonymous said... your very lucky my kid only eats grilled cheese,pizza,cereal, milk,french fries,pancakes I cant get him to eat any meats

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