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Dealing with Obsessions and Compulsive Behaviors in Children on the Autism Spectrum

"My 5-year-old is obsessed with Legos. In fact, his entire bedroom looks like a Lego museum. People who go into his room are rather impressed with the massive structures he has created. But my question is, should I allow him to continue to collect these pieces? It is starting to become a bit overwhelming."

Children with ASD or High-Functioning Autism (HFA) often must deal with obsessions and compulsive behavior. They may become fixated on a narrow subject, such as the weather, compulsive neatness, baseball statistics or other narrow interest. In fact, this is often a hallmark sign of the disorder.

While most of the core issues with HFA can’t be "cured," there are ways a family can cope with such issues and learn to overcome some of them. For example, kids on the autism spectrum can be explicitly taught better ways of communication with others, which will lessen their focus on the obsession or other solitary activities. 

Certain types of cognitive behavioral therapy can help as well. Finally, in severe cases, medications that control obsessive behavior can be tried to see if some of the obsessiveness reduces.





Families must, to some extent, learn to cope with compulsive behaviors on the part of their "special needs" child. It helps to learn as much as you can about the disorder and its nuances. Learn as much about your child as you can, and learn which things trigger inappropriate compulsive behavior so they can be avoided. 

Some compulsive behavior is completely benign and is easily tolerated by everyone involved. As a parent, you need to decide which kinds of behaviors should be just tolerated, and which need intervention.

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

Allow others (e.g., therapists, teachers, doctors) to help your child with some of his behaviors. As a parent, you can be expected to do only so much, and others may have to be involved in helping you help your child.

In some cases, it helps to turn your child’s obsession into a passion that can be integrated into his own extracurricular or school activities. A consuming interest in a given subject can help connect your child to schoolwork or social activities, depending on the obsession and the behavior. Only you, and perhaps your child’s doctors and teachers, can decide whether or not it’s appropriate to allow the child to fixate on a particular subject excessively.




==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD


COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said... Absolutely yes. its great for hand and eye coordination. my son is slmost 21 and i still give him one every Christmas.
•    Anonymous said... And what a wonderful obsession it is!!! We have so many Legos/Bionicles if I ever sold them I think I would be rich!!! My boys are hitting the teen years and still get them out. My youngest daughter plays as well. I found these great storage bags called Swoop that spread out on the floor like a mat and then when your done you can tie it up and put them away!! Although not for masterpieces in progress!!
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•    Anonymous said... Aspie's like to collect things. Let him display them. It's a great sense of accomplishment for him. I bet he gets excited when people compliment him on them! My 11 yr old Aspie still builds with them. He has a huge container full of pieces, but has built so many intricate ones that they are displayed on shelves in his room. Some have spilled over into my living room, so I just found more space in his room for them. I wish he was able to have a playroom where he could keep them. My son's main restricted interest is video games, so I love when he puts down the controller in favor of legos. Debi Conn is right.... eventually another restricted interest will take its place.
•    Anonymous said... Heh. My 7yo Aspie son's room in the same. He likes to pull them apart after a while and then rebuild new structures not ever thought of when the kits were put together. If it's not detrimental to his everyday functioning, where's the problem? Lego is EXCELLENT for developing fine motor control and learning important concepts: engineering/design principals, physics, creativity, planning. It's also something that they have total control over, which is important for all kids but especially kids on the spectrum.
•    Anonymous said... I don't know what the experts say, but we allow our daughter to have her "obsessions." For 2 years it was 100% Wonder Pets. Then for a year it was stickers. Now for the past year it's been Beanie Boos - her room is devoted. I don't see harm in it, as it brings her comfort when otherwise her sensory issues cause her grief.
•    Anonymous said... I say YES! My 13 year old w/ Aspergers LOVES his! It's one of the few things he enjoys and he takes great pride in! He's been building since around 7 he loves kinects and bionicles he buys a new one with his own $ every chance he gets... I would encourage him to continue.. Be excited when he builds something new.... We take pictures for a "portfolio" so he can take down certain pieces to build a newer or better version... It's a great outlet for them... Be proud momma
•    Anonymous said... I would say yes as well. My 5 year old is obsessed with zoo's and animals. I love it when he takes me on a zoo tour after he has spent an hour setting up his room. He also likes video games, and they could become an obsession if I don't drastically reduce the amount of time he is allowed on it and make video games a reward. So, it is good your son is using his imagination and skills with Legos verses spending hours on video games. I think we need to love and embrace the beautiful aspects of AS is our children.
•    Anonymous said... I would say, yes keep letting him collect. We started my son at age 4 and he has a 10 gal green rubber made tub full to the top. He still is building. I feel to fuels their creativity.
•    Anonymous said... IF that's what works...go with it. ~an aspie mommy
•    Anonymous said... If you have limited funds, you can create a photo collection of your child's masterpieces. It's a way to preserve them so your child will be willing to re-use the lego pieces.
•    Anonymous said... Just a thought... I let my son continue with whatever he is "in to" at the time but try to introduce related tangents that he might like. I do this to broaden his world in a comfortable way for him. If your child loves legos and building things with them you could try to introduce the process of sketching out his building plans. That could lead into other types of drawing or art projects. The key is to help them grow and broaden their interests without taking away what they enjoy. Does that make sense? It has worked really well for us.
•    Anonymous said... Legos never lose value so if he ever did move on you could sell them but Lego has a large adult following and people collect them my son has massive amounts as well we have 3 walls of bins sorted by color & body bins he enjoys sorting as much as building. My only rule is they have to stay out of the common areas of the house his room and basement I don't care about.
•    Anonymous said... let him be and God willing it's your biggest worry in his life
•    Anonymous said... Most definitely YES! This is one of the best activities to use when they are trying to play with other kids. Every kid likes Legos! It helps to bridge that "what do you want to do" gap!
•    Anonymous said... My 13 yr old has a room totally filled with Lego. His clothes and cupboard draws are stacked with amazing structures. He play occasionally now when stressed or really bored. But he still won't let go it. He puts his clothes in the bedside table draw. And wk t get new clothes as the Lego is more important.
•    Anonymous said... My 9 year old also has a Lego thing. And once he puts them together they stay together. His room is VERY overwhelming to me, but I believe he is seeking visual input. It is a great side of creativity as well. I say let him keep them.
•    Anonymous said... my son's current obession is legos and also trains. he goes back and forth between them, what we do is we let him play with them and then make him back off for a day or 2 to givem them a break, if not then he gets overwhelmed and frustrated because he cant think of what to build with them
•    Anonymous said... Our 11 yr old daughters obsession is Harry potter- we allow it all but work with her on socially acceptable levels around peers or family, for example- you can't wear the griffendor robe to school or not monopolizing the conversation about Harry. It's tough to teach balance but every kid has interests- it would be unfair to deny an interest to any child- just teach that there are social rules around it.
•    Anonymous said... Our son is 8yo and is an Aspie. He loves building with his lego but then shows little imagination as far as playing. So mostly his creations stay on his lego table once completed. This is one area we need to work on with him - imagination and play. ANY SUGGESTIONS WOULD BE HELPFUL. We try to use Lego to teach him things like following instructions, colors, and maths. I will refer to pieces as "two by four block " or "four by eight flat" and he must count the "dots" on the pieces, and tell us what the answer is. He has completed several larger lego with no assistance at all. We then Facebook a picture, which he also loves as our family and friends can be part of encouraging and rewarding him. He also loves the "Cars" movies, so we have found him Cars lego which has been great. I think lego is great for kids on the spectrum.
•    Anonymous said... Same with my soon to be teen.....most of his lego is stored in basement as he outgrew it.....still builds a bit but gradually new interests took over....right now it is midievil history....lol
•    Anonymous said... Sounds just like my Dylan. His room is filled with lego. At times you cannot even see the floor. We too have put bins in his room to help keep things organized. When it gets too much I make him clean up. However the next day they are all over the place again. It is an ongoing struggle! Lego is his comfort so to remove it from his room would not be a good idea. So we just keep encouraging the constant clean up.
•    Anonymous said... Yes as we have found with my youngest his obsession Thomas and Lego Ninjargo. These have encouraged creativity and imagination not only with play, but with his story writing at school. They also have Thomas rewards stickers at school which are used for really good work and to encourage new tasks, he will try anything for a Thomas sticker.
•    Anonymous said... YES keep them. We go to lots of lego conventions and there are many adult Lego clubs. might be a good social thing for him as he gets older. Also, I have a 5-yr-old NT boy, and he has all his own lego obsession, paired with all his 16-yr-old aspie brother's legos. It IS overwhelming. LOL Just try not to step on them.
•    Anonymous said... Yes! My husband has a cousin who's been collecting Star Wars Lego sets for years... He doesn't have aspergers and he's in his late 30's and he still gets them for holidays! It's a hobby like any other thing! Aspies get labeled with the word obsession but I think it's a passion and we all have them! And indulging them is to encourage them! Maybe he'll become an engineer for Lego someday! That's a career creating Legos and its a real job listed on their website believe it or not! And the only thing he will remember when he older and happy with his work is that his wonderful parents encouraged his dreams!
•    Anonymous said... Yes, we put a line of shelves all the way around my sons room, along with other bookcases. Soon he will move onto another obsession all on his own.
•    Anonymous said... Yes. People with aspergers have a better ability to visualise things in three dimensions, they may well struggle to draw in 2D, but will excel at 3D. Really there are strengths and weaknesses to this, work on the strengths, and learn to identify and counter the weaknesses.

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Supporting your Autistic Child to Make Friends

"My son (high functioning autistic) really struggles making and keeping friends. Is there anything I can do to help him with this? He is content to play by himself for the most part, but I can tell he feels left out and would really enjoy have some playmates."

When a "neurotypical" child (i.e., a child without ASD level 1 or High-Functioning Autism) makes friends, parents are not often involved in the choice of the friend or the facilitation of the friendship. 

But, the parents of an child on the autism spectrum should be  active participants in helping him make and keep solid friends.

Part of the process involves concretely teaching the child how an "average" (for the lack of a better term) friend should act. Teaching him politeness, restraint in some situations, and how to talk and establish good eye contact with others will help this child learn skills that aren’t innate to his development.

Finding a child to be your son’s friend in the school situation often takes careful planning and effort. It genuinely helps if you volunteer in the classroom and get to know the other students well. If you can find a receptive, relatively quiet child who would make a good friend for your son, ask the child’s parents if the two could play together. Bear in mind that rowdy or noisy children may be a source of distress to a child on the spectrum.




If your child is one of the many who have specific interests or musical ability, make the effort to link him up through groups or clubs of children with similar interests. Often, having a similar interest as another child will help facilitate a relationship between the two. 

Even if your son doesn’t have a special interest, consider something structured, such as the boy scouts or a church group, from which friends can be found and maintained through regular contact.

It’s probably not a good idea to invite a bunch of kids over for a sleepover. Rather, one child playing with your son at a time has the best chance of success. If the other child seems to have some maturity, explaining the condition of high-functioning autism to that child may help avoid the frustration some children feel around "special needs" kids.

Your son may not be receptive to a friendship in all cases, and he may prefer to play alone. In that case, wait until you see signs of receptiveness before attempting to facilitate a friendship. 
COMMENTS:

·         Anonymous said... Also when you see him having some interaction with other kids, make a fuss of him, show him that what he is doing is good and this will also encourage him.
·         Anonymous said... Autism means our kids have gaps in their social and emotional development and ability to think flexibly (and therefore behave adaptively). There's no quick fix for this - it takes an NT child 5 - 10 years to learn all the complexities of friendship and thats kids without developmental gaps. We've used Relationship Development Intervention very successfully with my son to fill in some of those developmental gaps. He is now very connected to others. He still struggles with lots of things but he's much less egocentric and more able to step into the skin of what it means to be a friend.
·         Anonymous said... How ever hard it may seem you need to keep putting your son into this social situation. Im thinking he is still young? As when they get older it does get a bit easier. My son has come on leaps and bounds by continuously putting him in the situation. Learning the correct social skills is very difficult for kids on the spectrum and if we force them into the situation then there will come a point where their interaction will change for the better.
·         Anonymous said... I have the same problem with my 5 yr old. She cries when the kids outside don't want to play with her or goes in the house. It makes me sooo sad
·         Anonymous said... It helps to practice what to say in different social situations; especially at the start of conversations. Really breaking it up in concrete language, like "when someone says hi, say hi", "when someone says I want to play say ok". I like power point- you can use clip art to illustrate a little social story book of potential scenarios (like when someone is playing with you remember not to walk away). Also getting together with other kids who share his common interests helps too. This is what I've learned with mine anyway!
•    Anonymous said… Boy, I can relate to this one! My daughter just "lost" her best friend because of my daughter's hellacious tantrums when things don't go her way, or if she starts to feel rejected. Her friend won't return calls, and her mom won't allow my daughter to play at her friend's house. The mom made it clear that she will not tolerate that kind of "behavior" in her home. I just want to cry for my baby. :-(
about an hour ago via mobile ·
•    Anonymous said… I have this problem as well and it really worries me. My 7 year old son gets on with girls who are a lot younger than him but other than that he cant seem to keep friendships.
•    Anonymous said… I need help with my son on this to. I know there has to be more kids in the school system that's have the same problems but they refused to help me get a group together. I think that it would help them to know they are not alone in the world!
•    Anonymous said… I think so many Aspies are like this. I'm a military member so we move a lot and so do people around us, unfortunately. What I found useful is finding other Aspies and normal kids as well. You have to network. Other Aspies have the same problem so it works out for both kids. On top of that you already know the other parent goes through the same stuff.
•    Anonymous said… look up groups on yahoo, you might find something! Also, talk to a speech pathologist or a local OT, they would probably help you. Our old office let people put thongs in the office, maybe you can start a group yourself.
•    Anonymous said… mine is a loner too, but he likes the older boys next door. They are aware of his syndrom and even invite him out to play now, and it makes him so excited. My son also loves to bowl, so this summer we are putting him in a bowling legue for kids. Our thought is to make socializing a postive experience by associating it with something he loves to do anyway. Plus it is a much more controled enviroment, he won't have to deal with any teasing or other kids being mean.
about an hour ago ·
•    Anonymous said… my daughter cant make friends or keep them i feel bad for her its really hard for her to keep friends
•    Anonymous said… My oldest son had problems with friends in elem. school, but it got better in jr. & sr. high because there were more kids with his interests. Joining band really helped.

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Coping with Obsessions and Rituals in Kids with ASD

"My [high functioning] autistic daughter has to have everything in her room just so. If anything gets moved (for example, when I dust the furniture or change her bed sheets), she has a fit. She always knows if something is missing or has been moved to a different spot. Is this part of her autism, or is it OCD, or both?"

One of the hallmarks of ASD Level 1 [High-Functioning Autism] is the development of obsessive thinking and the performing of ritual behaviors done to reduce stress and anxiety. This type of behavior can later meet the criteria in adulthood for obsessive-compulsive disorder.

ASD children often have an obsessive interest in a particular subject -- and very little interest in much else. They may obsessively seek information about maps or clocks or some other topic. 

They may also be very inflexible in their habits and may rigidly adhere to certain routines or rituals. These obsessions and compulsions are believed to be biological in origin. This means that it is very difficult to go to therapy or just talk the individual out of the rituals.


Even so, there is some evidence to suggest that cognitive-behavioral therapy may help control some of the behaviors and makes the child aware of ways to recognize when the behavior is occurring so as to stop it before it occurs. This kind of therapy, in general, can be helpful for children, teens and adults with autism because it focuses on concrete behavioral and “thought” changes necessary to function on a day-to-day basis.





Parents may need to simply be supportive of the child who so rigidly hangs onto rituals she doesn’t understand. Unless the child has done a lot of therapy, it takes a great deal of effort to fight the rituals, nor does it help to punish the child for them.

There are medications, often used in obsessive compulsive disorder, that can take the edge off of the ritual behavior and obsessions, especially when used along with cognitive behavioral therapy. No medication is without side effects, and the improvement may not be complete; however, it is worth the effort to try the medication as recommended by your child’s doctor.





PARENTS’ COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said... OCD is definitely part of the Aspergers. Our Aspie is obsessive about her pencil sketches. She always has her sketchbook with her and no one is allowed to touch it. She will show them to us but SHE has to turn the pages. I shudder to think of what would happen if that book got damaged!
•    Anonymous said... OCD isn't always part of ASD but our toddler (2.5 yrs) is HFA and must have things in a certain way. Must wear certain clothes or have certain sheets on his bed. It's not OCD just a different aspect of the spectrum
•    Anonymous said... Our daughter had OCD, sensory issues. Drove me crazy. Not until she was nine did all these issues get diagnosed into a aspergers diagnosis So, it's part of the aspergers. We also have social issues, tics, and a few more things.
•    Anonymous said... I have 4 daughters and 2 of them are on the spectrum .. The older of the two is just the same in fact she's numbered her pillows so she knows exactly which pillow goes where ... I was told by Camhs it is partly her autism but partly as her room is her sanctuary it's where she goes to get away from everything. So it's her way of having some control.. Nothing to be worried about after all it is her room and if you think about it you probably wouldn't like someone in your bedroom moving things about .. Don't worry honestly x
•    Anonymous said... My 3 year old will line her toys up and refuses to do anything else until theyre perfect. And if a toy is missing she gets mad and wont let it go until its been found and put in line
•    Anonymous said... Roo is 7 and he likes his room neat and orderly,but he shares are room with his NT brother who lives in what can only be described as organized chaos!!! Drives Roo crazy!! I have to keep on the older one constantly to clean so Roo doesn't meltdown! I also have Roo help change sheets, dust and vaccum so that its done the way he likes it and he doesn't panic cause someone touched his stuff :)

Please post your comment below…
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Altered Disciplinary Methods for High-Functioning Autistic Children

"My 5 y.o. son was recently diagnosed with high functioning autism. In light of this revelation, should I discipline him the same way I do my other kids, or should I make some adjustments based on his condition?"

Kids with ASD Level 1 or High-Functioning Autism (HFA) have no greater permission to misbehave than your other kids. But, the way you gain control over your “typical” kids’ behavior will differ with an HFA youngster, mostly because of differences in how he thinks and how he perceives rewards and discipline.

HFA kids do not respond well to negative reinforcement (e.g., threatening, scolding, etc.). Also, they don’t respond negatively to isolation, so the statement, “Go to your room!” may be seen as a reward instead of a consequence. Furthermore, spanking should never be used – not even as a last resort. 


Due to the way he thinks, your son probably won’t be able to tie the “misbehavior” to the “punishment,” leaving you back at square one. Therefore, you need to be more creative in defining which things will be viewed as rewards - and which things will be viewed as discipline.





Focus on rewarding (reinforcing) positive behavior rather than simply punishing “bad” behavior. Positive rewards can include being able to play a preferred computer game, listening to preferred music, or watching a preferred television program. Rewarding your son in this way may be enough to alter his behavior accordingly.

These specific privileges are often offered because HFA kids respond less to human contact - or even human praise – and more to the presence or absence of “things.” Rewards can be offered along with praise, but praise alone has little positive benefit and doesn’t improve self-esteem the same way it does for “typical” kids.

Discipline should involve removing anything your son prefers (e.g., television, toys, computer games, movies, etc.). All discipline and rewards must come with very concrete explanations as to why they are given. Only then can he match the reward or consequence with the behavior he has engaged in - and only then can change occur.

"Make-ups" can also be used as a form of discipline. This mother of an HFA child describes it well:

"I find it is critical that my son (9 yrs) have the chance to earn back his lost computer time. He usually is given the chance to do 'make ups' - to help me with a chore I would usually do or give me comfort in or whomever he has wronged. We negotiate these things depending. This week - he freaked out that the shirt he likes to wear to church each week was dirty, and he yelled at his dad for 20 minutes - so he picked up 50 sticks in the yard. He had a meltdown in public with me - so he had to play an anger management game with me or empty the dishwasher. 'Make ups' have to be approved by the offended. If we're fighting over homework and he's had a punishment given - it might simply be that he finishes the rest of the work without any more arguing and foregoes a break or agrees to work ahead on something."
 
==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
By

Promoting Independence in Adolescence: Help for Teenagers on the Autism Spectrum

"Now that my son with high functioning autism has become a teenager, are there things that I should be doing now to prepare him for adulthood?"

The teen years can be difficult whether or not your child has High-Functioning Autism (HFA) or Asperger's (AS). In situations where he does, however, there are special challenges that differ depending on the child.

Some parents find themselves dealing with a teenager who is a loner, who has few friends, and focuses on one or more hobbies or preoccupations. This type of child is independent in some ways, but lacks the maturity to truly be independent in life. A teen like this needs to be pushed in the direction of finding friends and developing relationships.


He or she may also need to learn some of the specific things necessary for “life independence,” like how to deal with money, cleaning up after oneself, doing the laundry and other life skills that will be needed once the teen is ready to leave home. Interpersonal skills, including how to talk to service people, shop assistants, and other people he may meet along the way, should be taught and practiced as concretely as possible.

Other parents are dealing with the ongoing presence of rituals and obsessions that might interfere with the teen’s eventual independence. Psychotherapy might work in this kind of situation, but there are also medications designed to control ritual behavior. Getting this under control as a teenager will go a long way in enhancing the teen’s adult experience as she grows older.


Other things that you can teach your son to prepare him for adulthood include the following:
  • Accepting responsibility and consequences for actions (e.g., missing a deadline) and learning how to plan for emergencies
  • Balancing educational and recreational computer use
  • Completing homework, essays, and projects without reminders or involvement from mom or dad, professors, or tutors
  • Developing realistic expectations and plans about academic workload at college or technical school
  • Doing chores (e.g., laundry, cooking, and cleaning)
  • Good sleep habits
  • Handling increased social freedom and pressures (e.g., drugs and alcohol, dating and sex)
  • Healthy nutrition and exercise
  • Knowing schedules for classes
  • Money management (e.g., using ATM’s, credit and debit cards, checkbook, online banking)
  • Navigating public transportation and knowing how to get around new areas
  • Organizational skills needed to balance work and social life
  • Organizing study materials
  • Time-management skills
  • Running errands (e.g., grocery, gasoline)
  • Scheduling, canceling, and keeping doctor’s appointments

Adolescence is a time when depression can develop in teens, especially in those who know they don’t fit in and suffer from resultant poor self-esteem. Be aware of the signs of depression, and be proactive through the use of psychotherapy or medications to control some of these symptoms. This means, as a parent, you need to be aware of excessive isolation, “dark” language, outbursts of anger, or self-mutilation.

Help is available and can assist the teen resolve some of the conflicts unique to adolescence and having HFA or AS.

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD

By

The Challenges of Puberty in Teenagers on the Autism Spectrum

"We seem to be having ever increasing difficulty with our 13-year-old daughter (high functioning autistic). We began to notice a change for the worse around the time she reached puberty. Her anger and anxiety have reached a new level. She also seems very very depressed much of the time. Is this normal for a teen with this disorder? What can we do to slow down what I see as a train wreck in the making?"

Puberty brings with it challenges for all children, however, children with ASD level 1 [High-Functioning Autism] face increased challenges through puberty. The behavior issues of impulsivity can increase in both frequency and intensity.

Kids with ASD who experienced bullying in elementary school - and now continue to experience bullying during their middle school years - may become increasingly aggressive. 

Adolescence can become a very difficult time for a child with ASD as peers may no longer be willing to tolerate someone who seems different. Moodiness, depression and anxiety can also develop in adolescence due to hormonal imbalances, resulting in increased separation of the "special needs" teen from his/her peers.
 

Adolescence is a time when social demands become more complex, and it becomes increasingly important to be able to understand social cues. Children with ASD can be more vulnerable to (a) manipulation by others and (b) peer pressure. They are likely to experience more rejection among their peers. With young people on the autism spectrum, interaction with peers usually creates more anxiety than interaction with younger or older people.


In order to create a few parenting changes that may help your daughter through this difficult time, answer the following:
  • Do any particular situations seem to trigger defiant behavior in your daughter?
  • Has your daughter been diagnosed with any other medical conditions?
  • Have your daughter's teachers reported similar symptoms?
  • How do you typically discipline your daughter?
  • How have you been handling your daughter's disruptive behavior?
  • How often has she refused to follow through with your rules or requests?
  • How often over the last six months has your daughter argued with you or her teachers?
  • How often over the last six months has your daughter been angry or lost her temper?
  • How often over the last six months has your daughter been vindictive, or blamed others for her own mistakes?
  • How often over the last six months has your daughter been touchy or easily annoyed?
  • How would you describe your daughter's home and family life?
  • What are your daughter's symptoms?
  • When did you first notice these symptoms?

Here are a few parenting strategies that can help:

1. If you're depressed or anxious, that could lead to disengagement from your daughter, which can trigger or worsen her behavior. Let go of things that you or your daughter did in the past. Start each day with a fresh outlook and a clean slate. Learn ways to calm yourself, and take time for yourself.

2. Set up a routine. Develop a consistent daily schedule for your daughter. Asking your daughter to help develop that routine can be helpful.

3. Remind yourself that your daughter’s behavior is most likely a temporary inconvenience rather than a permanent catastrophe.
 
==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

4. Recognize and praise your daughter's positive behaviors. Be as specific as possible (e.g., "I really liked the way you helped pick up your room tonight").

5. Pick your battles carefully. Avoid power struggles. Almost everything can turn into a power struggle — if you let it.

6. Model the behavior you want your daughter to exhibit.

7. Develop a united front. Work with your spouse to ensure consistent and appropriate discipline procedures.

8. Build in time together. Develop a consistent weekly schedule that involves you and daughter being together.

9. Assign your daughter a household chore that's essential and that won't get done unless she does it. Initially, it's important to set your daughter up for success with tasks that are relatively easy to achieve, then gradually blend in more important and challenging expectations.

10. At first, your daughter is not likely to be cooperative or appreciate your changed response to her behavior. Setbacks and relapses are normal, so be prepared with a plan to manage those occasions. Behavior often temporarily worsens when new limits and expectations are set. But, with persistence and consistency, the initial hard work will pay off with improved behavior. Also, as she passes though the storms of adolescence, things are likely to improve by default.

 

COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said... Alpha-Stim AID for anxiety. And, it gets better once adult.
•    Anonymous said... Encouraging articles.
•    Anonymous said... I'm having the same problem with my son. He is on a low dose antidepressant and it made such a difference. My happy boy is back.
•    Anonymous said... I've been going through that with my 13 y/o Aspie, too. Wicked anxiety and depression. It really started at about 10 or 11 and peaked for us this year. Luckily, between therapy and regular talks, we're in a better place now. I try not to rush her or stress her out. Her daily routines help calm her so we do our best not to interfere with them.
•    Anonymous said... Jed Baker gave the best explanation of one of the reasons why this happens, they become aware of all the drs, meds, therapies, spec schools etc, that they feel they are broken and unfixable. This happened to my son too. Meds and therapy helped, but Jed Baker also adds that we must increase our praise to help them during these years. I can honestly say doing this has helped our son. Good Luck!
•    Anonymous said... Medication. Risperdal and depakote work great but cause weight gain.
•    Anonymous said... My daughter too is in a major depression, she is on depokote and it is not working, neither did Prozac and another anxiety medicine. Feeling hopeless/helpless over here
•    Anonymous said... my son is 16 and is a nightmare with moods, temper, despite what we do as parents its not enough. he wont chat.!
•    Anonymous said... Totally! Normal! My guys meltdowns increased & aggression. I stuck to my guns with him and haven't used Meds. I've used humour, timeouts & rewards. It's hard but he's trying very hard!
•    Anonymous said... We are in the SAME boat over here!!!
•    Anonymous said... Yes yes yes!!! Totally normal...unfortunately! We got my daughter back into counseling and had a medication change also. Good luck .
•    Anonymous said… She's probably having trouble making/keeping friends and is likely being bullied. This is the age where they become acutely aware that they are different from others. Does she have any hobbies? I would strongly suggest getting her involved with a group of kids with similar interests, social skills groups, etc.
•    Anonymous said… my son has autism and i know is similar to aspergers. He is 17 now and I wish all the parents out there with teenage children with aspergers all the luck in the world through this difficult stage in both yours and their lives xxxx
•    Anonymous said… My daughter is only 10, going through puberty and anxiety is at an all time high!
•    Anonymous said… My daughter is 6 (almost 7) and is showing physical signs of puberty (breast development and armpit hair - along with the odor). She has become increasingly non-compliant in school and becoming more aggressive towards her teachers... At home she's almost a perfect little angel. Of course we have a very strict schedule/routine at home and any change in it has to be explained thoroughly before we get compliance.
•    Anonymous said… I'm 26 and autistic and still can't deal with puberty. It's extremely hard to explain. I just can't accept the physical change in myself or friends I knew before/during it. It's just too different seeing them with facial hair etc. I find it very crippling that my mind makes these natural things so hard to deal with even when they've happened a long time ago.

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Sibling Issues: Tips for Parents Dealing with Autism Spectrum Disorder

"Any tips for a mom who has to constantly explain to the children who DON'T have autism (high functioning) how to get along with their brother who DOES?  Help!"

In most cases, ASD [High-Functioning Autism] is a condition in families where both parents and siblings must learn to adapt and understand the condition at the level they are able. 

While moms and dads are learning to cope themselves, it is often difficult to see that there are other children involved—children who may be suffering themselves from the confusion of understanding the nature of the disorder in their family.

As a parent, it’s important to understand that kids learn things at different rates and in different ways than adults. They have questions about how to understand the behavior of their sibling that need as much attention as the ASD child needs. As the family grows, more questions will arise, and all of the children in the family need to learn the best ways to adapt to the behaviors of the child on the autism spectrum.

How ASD gets explained to siblings depends upon the age of the sibling and on the particular problems the affected child is having. For some kids, they just need to know that their brother or sister has a brain condition that leads him/her to resist change or to become fixated on certain things. Other children have the maturity to understand the nuances of how difficult it is for the "special needs" child to understand the emotions of others and to communicate non-verbally with others.





Some siblings can act-out angrily as "the child who isn’t getting the family’s attention." Others find themselves being their “brother’s keeper,” fending-off comments and teasing from other kids who see their ASD brother or sister as a freak. A sort of unnecessary maturity is forced on the sibling to be the protector or go-between when it comes to other children and their autistic sibling.

As a mother or father, it’s important to keep the lines of communication open in discussing the problems that may come up or the ways everyone can cope with the disorder in the family. Family therapy helps in some cases and should be an option for all families dealing with sibling issues related to ASD.




COMMENTS FROM PARENTS:

•    Anonymous said... I DESPERATELY NEED HELP in this area too!
•    Anonymous said... i know its repetitive but just keep telling them no matteer how many tyms. it will eventually sink in. the non aspies get frustrated also.
•    Anonymous said... I say to my 'other' son that we have to practice patience. But my aspie son does not have too many different rules, he is treated the same as the others. He must learn the rules or not play. He receives the same punishments. The difference is upfront consequences, they need the outcome to logically understand why.
•    Anonymous said... my 12 year old son adores his 4 year old non-aspie sister..... she gets a little frustrated when he hugs her too hard....but that the worst of it....lol....so far.•    Anonymous said… I eventually got tough with the older... I said, you brother learns differently...
•    Anonymous said… I highly recommend sending the other kids to a Sibshop. It has helped my daughter a lot, and she is more confortable talking about her feeling regarding her brother. There are a bunch of good kid books on Amazon to help kids understand.
•    Anonymous said… Is simply told my other son that the one has autism. Try getting that Holly Robinson Peete book, it explains it well to other siblings.
•    Anonymous said… My aspie has two younger twin sisters. It took several attempts but after breaking it down to them and explaining to them that their brother processes information differently and went into detail ( on their age level) about what that meant. They have finally begin to understand what that means and have started getting along better. I guess it all boils down to education about Aspergers.
•    Anonymous said… My middle child has AS and has an older and younger sister, the younger gets on fine with him but i found with the older (and with him as well) that it really helped sitting down with her and saying J has AS that means x y and z...which meant next time he did something she could say does he do this because he has AS? LIke wearing a jumper all day today when its been 30 degrees C.....
•    Anonymous said… My older two care less about the AS diagnosis. ..they think their brother should be like them period ..it is really hard to explain to a 19 and 17 year old about something they don't believe in...they feel like I am being unfair.

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Dietary & Therapeutic Considerations for Autism Spectrum Disorder [level 1]

ASD [High-Functioning Autism] is a neurobiological disorder that has no known cause or cure. For this reason, a number of alternative therapies have been tried to improve the symptoms of ASD and other autistic spectrum disorders.

Much has been made about the gluten-free and casein-free diet. This includes a diet virtually void of wheat, oat, rye and barley foods as well as any dairy foods that generally contain casein. Many parents have noted significant improvement in the behavioral symptoms of their child. Such a diet can be difficult to arrange, but there are web sites that sell products free of casein and gluten, and a few week's trial of the diet may make a difference that no medication can do.


Other alternative therapies include chelation therapy (rids the body of heavy metals which may be contributing to the symptoms), cranio-sacral therapy, auditory integration therapy, sensory integration therapy and music therapy. Some of these alternative therapies have gone past being “alternative” and have reached mainstream medical therapies.

A natural supplement found to be helpful in ASD is called L-Carnosine, a supplement that is a protein combination of alanine and histadine. In several studies, it has been shown to improve the auditory processing skills, socialization, speech production, fine motor skills and language skills of children with autism spectrum disorders.

Certain digestive enzymes have been developed for kids with ASD and related disorders. It is felt that the enzymes reduce the amount of undigested food that unhealthy gut bacteria thrive on.

Some researchers believe that kids with ASD are deficient in glutathione. Some companies now manufacture what is called liposome-enclosed glutathione. Glutathione is an antioxidant that also helps rid the body of toxins, including heavy metals.





Electrolyte solutions containing minerals are used to prevent dehydration and add valuable minerals to the child’s diet. In addition, phosphatidyl serine is used because it is known to regenerate damaged nerve cells and improve memory, learning and concentration.

There is much less research on dietary supplements and dietary changes in children with ASD and related disorders. Any research done is often done on extremely small numbers of children, so they can’t be widely recommended; however, none of these therapies are harmful to the body, so they may be tried safely in families looking to optimize their youngster’s level of functioning. As an example, numerous parents have reported wonderful results when giving their child melatonin for sleep issues.




  IMPORTANT COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said... Avoiding dyes, ESP red 40. The frustrating thing is that most kids antibiotics are pink and have red 40
•    Anonymous said... omega 3 fish oil capsules/oil of evening primrose capsules/good multi vitamin and mineral supplement,
•    Anonymous said... So, is it possible it's the GMOs that are in almost all wheat, soy and corn causing the problems and not the actual gluten? Why after thousands of years are people all of a sudden reacting to gluten? Organic foods are GMO free!
•    Anonymous said... We removed all artificial colors, flavors, and preservatives and saw a HUGE difference in about a week. It's worth a try for a week to see if it will help your child. We saw huge improvements in stimming, focus, hyperactivity, and meltdowns decreased. It worked better than any medications we have tried.
On a side note, most of the colors/flavors/preservatives are banned in other countries as a known health hazard for human consumption. Yet our government allows it. I'll let you do the research if you choose
•    Anonymous said... We've been doing the GAPS diet for 4+ months. We've seen huge gains (among the most impressive have been the initiation of pretend play -- there was zero before -- vanishing of rough play, and excellent growth in social and verbal skills). GAPS (similar to and based on SCD) removes all processed foods, grains, sugars (except in fruit and honey) and starches, and is designed to heal and seal the gut lining. It's a commitment, but it has been totally worth the effort and expense. Also, it has changed my super-picky eater into the kid who asks for vegetables for snack and plain fruit as dessert!
•    Anonymous said... when we look that he GF/CF diet, there was a lot of referring to gluten and casein being changed into a type of morphine in the brain and this is why these kids crave for these foods, it's like a drug addiction. When we change our son's diet, we had it rough for about 5 weeks and it was apparently his body going thru withdraws. We have taken additives out and added omega 3,6 and 9 which contains evening primrose oil and it has worked really well, a different kid.
•    Anonymous said... With my son we have to avoid dyes and colorants along with a lot of sugar. But he craves dairy and salt. Not sure why yet.

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Tantrums and Meltdowns in Kids on the Autism Spectrum

"My son, who is nearly 5 and has high functioning autism, has started to get uncontrollable meltdowns. He is as nice as pie one minute, and then for what seems like no reason at all, he kicks off, hitting, jumping, throwing things, and laughing almost hysterically. Nothing calms him down when he is like this. Please let me know what can be done to stop this behavior." 

Parents with children who have ASD [High-Functioning Autism] will often tell you about times their child has had a “meltdown” or type of temper tantrum that can disrupt the lives of the whole family.

These types of behaviors can be as rare as once a month or can happen several times per day, leaving parents sometimes frustrated and exhausted. There are, however, things a parent can do to minimize the strength and length of these tantrums.

The first thing to pay attention to is your own response to the tantrum. Are you calm and quiet? Have you taken steps to assure safety? Are you thinking clearly? Take slow, even breaths and reassure yourself that you’ve survived these meltdowns before, and it doesn’t have to be the dreadful experience you anticipate it to be.

Speak with a soft, neutral and pleasant voice. This relaxes both you and your child. Stay away from unnecessary words, and keep your movements slow and purposeful.

Many meltdowns happen as a result of rushing around or trying to get somewhere. It’s vital to take the time to slow down and rearrange your priorities. Forget that you have a timetable and concentrate on helping your child settle down first.

Keep safety a priority. Children in this stage can be impulsive and can forget every safety rule they were ever taught. If the child is having a meltdown while you’re driving, stop the car and take care of the issue. If your child tends to run away from you, resist the urge to chase them as it can make the situation worse.

Hold your child if necessary or talk with him in an attempt to redirect his behavior. In other situations, let the meltdown run itself down. Bear in mind that the child will often be exhausted after a meltdown so that you may need to give him the time to rest and get his breath back after such an event.

Remember that these types of behaviors represent ways you child is trying to communicate with you. Think about what the behavior represents and make attempts to avoid the behavior the next time. In addition, think in terms of prevention rather than intervention. Once a meltdown occurs, it's too late to put the brakes on at that point. It's infinitely better to learn your child's "revving up" signals (i.e., the signs that he's becoming agitated or frustrated) and find methods of distraction to get him off that track immediately.

As one parents stated: "There usually isn't any stopping it once it gets to that level. You have to try and head it off before it starts. They can't be calmed and told to stop. I've found help by talking to my sons after the meltdown. I tell them they can't act like that, that it isn't good for them or anyone else. I let them know I know things are hard for them but they still have to find another way to cope. And I give them choices. I've made a sensory area that is just for them. We call it the cool down club house. It is a pop up tent with sensory things inside. Fidgets, coloring things, other small toys they enjoy. When they feel one coming on they are to take themselves away from the situation and go to their club. If they allow themselves to get like that, then there is consequences, and I let them know what they are prior. It puts them in charge of their meltdowns and let's them know its not proper. On top of that, it gives them rules = and Aspies like rules. It has helped us anyway."






 
==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD


COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said... HUGS. Just know that you are not the only one! That helps a little. Really, I've found that there are no quick fixes. Eliminating food dyes helped us some, but it was not a miracle cure. My son still has meltdowns at almost 11, but over time he's slowly learning control. It may help to see what is triggering these meltdowns and avoid the trigger, if possible, or approach it differently. When there is anxiety or things appear to be heading toward a meltdown, try using some coping techniques that she can learn ahead of time, like "squeezing lemons" (squeezing her fists together repeatedly) or concentrating on her breathing to calm herself down. It will take a while and you'lll have to work with her on those. See what kinds of things she finds soothing. For my son, it's warmth (especially warm water) and heavy pressure (he likes to be a sandwish between two beanbag chairs). Most kids have something soothing that can head off a melt down as well. Some OT things that can be helpful are a weighted or neoprene vest, squeeze balls or textured toys, and things like swinging or spinning depending upon her preferences. There are lots of these calming OT things available for purchase online. Finally some studies have shown that teaching children to meditate, even for just a few minutes each day, can help their overall temperament. There are some good yoga and meditation websites for kids that you can take a look at, and see if a few months of meditation helps. Finally, unless you have a personal objection to medication, talk to your daughter's doctor about it. She's young, but I have found that there are some medications that help my son stay calmer overall, and have more control when his emotions are spiraling. Meds are not for everyone and I won't recommend any here since all kids are so different, but it's a last-resort that's available if she needs it.
__________


•    Anonymous said... I agree that it can be the simplest sensory issue and you need to think of the common thread. I am amazed how my son can articulate like when we took tennis lessons in a huge tent that magnified every sound. He told me he was listening to every conversation and sound and couldn't pick out the sounds he was involved in. I'm very lucky my son can verbalize sometimes what is setting him off and understand his noise sensitivity. I say stay open minded to find which sensitivities bother your child. Food coloring is another for us.
•    Anonymous said... I completely understand what you are experiencing! My daughter is now 12 and continues to have meltdowns that can turn into full blown tantrums that can last an hour! We have been trying for years to understand and prevent them. It is just like a light switch- she is completely fine and chatting and then she is screaming & out of control. It makes no sense- very irrational! Age, maturity, medication and time continues to help but it is a constant struggle. I can only tell you that you are not alone.
•    Anonymous said... I personally agree with Heather. Although food may be playing a part and is definitely something to look into, I have found with my son that meltdowns usually happen because he is overwhelmed or frustrated over a given situation. I have to constantly remind mysel to make sure he is well prepared for the day (if there are changes to the normal routine, explain early why and what is expected - behavior wise from him as well as what the new or changed event is). Every meltdown my son has had, I can usually tie to me not being as understanding or as patient as I should have been. I'm not trying to say that is what's happening for you, but after many years (my son is now 13), I have found my behavior or expectations usually compound the problem.
•    Anonymous said... I'll second the food dyes. We had to eliminate red 40 from my daughter's diet. She would go from a very sweet, obedient child to a real handful. Between the Flinstones chewable vitamins, Nestlé strawberry milk, breaded chicken nuggets (yes, it's there, too) she was overloaded. Once we eliminated it from her diet she was a different child!
•    Anonymous said... Just a quick note, many things help and others don't, that of course, will be child specific. I have a 16 year old and whilst life is always interesting with an aspie, the major meltdowns have subsided as he has matured and been taught what is and isn't socially acceptable. I whole heartedly agree that this is vital for the child to find 'their' place in the world. But the key to getting there is vigilant preemption of triggers. ....it is waaaay easier on all of you to avoid them and as you all know, they usually aren't major issues. The other thing to remember is that you are looking after YOUR child and YOUR family. ....no one else's, their judgment is unimportant!
•    Anonymous said... Please be careful the meltdowns don't turn into violent melt downs We carry a distraction with us at all times ie Lego that he will play with and it will distract him. We let him melt down a little while and watch from a distance then try and distract him with food or toy. If this doesn't work we leave him alone for another minute then try again.
•    Anonymous said... sigh. maybe make it clear that what he's doing is not appropriate and that it's not acceptable. it's not the food, it's whatevers setting him off in the first place. take a look at what happens right before he has a meltdown. the "what seems like no reason at all" IS a reason to kids like him with aspergers, and I guarantee he'll feel better just with you sitting down to find out whats upset him. fixing what upset him (if possible and "acceptable") will do a world of wonders. I dont normally rant like this, but as a parent of an aspie and as an aspie myself, it's something I feel very strongly about. if you raise a child to ride the aspie train, they'll do so their whole life. teach an aspie to deal with issues first hand like every other neurotypical child (within reason, of course), you'll raise an amazing aspie.
•    Anonymous said... Two of my kids are very sensitive to food dyes. Eliminating food dyes from their diets has made a huge difference for us. On days when they don't have food with dyes, they are in control of their emotions. On days when they have food with coloring, they have enormous meltdowns and loss of emotional control. Figuring out this trigger was a lifesaver for us.
•    Anonymous said... Watch the protein/carbohydrate balance, too. I could definitely see mine burn out faster after a heavy carb meal or snack. Once that blood sugar dipped it was meltdown city!
•    Anonymous said... When I discovered that my aspergers son was allergic to red dye, it was like a miracle. the days of dr. Jeckyl and mr hyde syndrome went away and although he is still an aspie kid, on the spectrum, there are no more crazy explosive manic uncontrollable over reactions. ... unless we get red dye by mistake, then look out for about 3 days. I am reminded each time it happens, to me or him, how life would be if we'd never discovered the link.
•    Anonymous said... When you remove the dye, it becomes that much easier to find the other triggers: noise, sleep, frustration, anxiety. Also O.T. made a huge difference for us, getting on a sensory diet st home and before school made the day go by so much better. Riding a bike or scooter in the morning and installing a hammock chair swing were two things that help us still to this day. Movement helps my kids organize their thoughts and feelings. Hope it helps.
•    Anonymous said... Wish I knew. We try to calmly talk to our nine year old. He was diagnosed last year but school suspected it since kindergarten. Since he was verbal, I didn't see it. He has had some meltdowns that have caused people to threaten to call cops nome because they didn't understand. Now that I know he is aspergers, I can handle the meltdowns a but better and know how to react better.
•    Anonymous said... Don't misunderstand what I'm saying...I still have a child w/ Aspergers. I still have to talk to her about what is acceptable social behavior. She still has obsessions and adheres to routines. She still suffers from anxiety and has sensory issues. We have our challenges every day. What I said is that there are substances like food dyes going into these kids that can influence their behavior, ability to concentrate, etc. My daughter does so much better when these things are eliminated from her diet.
 
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2024 Statistics of Autism in Chinese Children

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) has emerged as a significant public health concern worldwide, and China is no exception. As of 2024, new rese...