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Loneliness in Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism





==> More crucial tips for parenting your struggling adolescent on the autism spectrum can be found here...


More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

Attention Problems in Children with ASD Level 1

“My son with high functioning autism has always struggled with paying attention to things (except those things that he really enjoys, of course). And now I’m getting reports from his teacher that his lack of attention span is severely affecting his grades for this upcoming report card. According to the teacher, my son is also having ‘increased behavioral problems’. Any suggestions on what I can do here at home to help him do better in school?”

A common misconception about ASD level 1, or High-Functioning Autistic (HFA), kids with attention difficulties is that they don’t pay attention at all. This is not necessarily the case. In actuality, these young people often pay attention to everything. Their problem is deciding what to focus on – and maintaining that focus.



Kids with HFA usually have deficits in “executive function” (i.e., the ability to think and plan ahead, control impulses, organize, and complete tasks. As a result, parents need to take over as the executive, providing extra guidance while their youngster gradually acquires executive skills of his or her own.

Although many of the traits of HFA are nothing short of frustrating at times, it’s important to remember that the youngster on the autism spectrum who is inattentive or ignoring is not acting willfully. Having an autism spectrum disorder is just as frustrating for your youngster.

Here are some essential tips for helping children with HFA who have attention difficulties:

1. The youngster on the autism spectrum often becomes more distracted and agitated if there are many after-school activities. Thus, parents should make adjustments to their youngster’s after-school commitments based on her abilities and the demands of particular activities.

2. Be on the lookout for good behavior – and praise it. Praise is especially important for kids with HFA, because they typically get so little of it. During a typical school day, many of these “special needs” kids receive constant correction, remediation, and complaints about their behavior, but little positive reinforcement.

3. Model “paying attention.” For example, when your youngster interrupts your work, it’s natural to shift your focus to him. But, this rewards inattentive behavior. Therefore, calmly tell your child that you are busy right now and trying to concentrate on what you’re doing. Also, “provide acknowledgment” when you catch your child paying attention. For example, when he is quietly concentrating on a task that he doesn’t like or finds difficult (such as homework), let him know that you recognize and appreciate his efforts.

4. Consider placing clocks throughout the house, especially in your youngster’s bedroom. Allow enough time for what your youngster needs to do (e.g., homework, getting ready in the morning, etc.). Also, use a timer for homework or transitional times (e.g., between finishing up play, getting ready for bed, etc.).

5. Create a “buffer time” (i.e., a time for quieter activities like coloring or reading) to slow down the activity level for an hour or so before bedtime. Also, consider using lavender or other aromas in your youngster's room (these have a calming effect).

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism 


6. Food can - and does - affect your youngster's mental state, which in turn affects behavior. Monitoring and modifying what, when, and how much your youngster eats can help decrease the symptoms of HFA. Prevent unhealthy eating habits by scheduling regular nutritious snacks and meals no more than 3 hours apart.

7. Kids with HFA are more likely to be successful in completing tasks when the tasks occur in predictable places and in predictable patterns. The parent’s job is to create and sustain structure in the home so that the youngster knows what to expect.

8. Educate your child on what it means to procrastinate, how everybody does it, and what a strong force it exerts on people. Teach her the difference between taking a much-needed break versus avoiding an activity. Also, teach your child how to spot her own reasons for procrastinating (e.g., unacknowledged fear of failure, believing the task is too difficult, etc.).

9. Kids with HFA tend to spend a lot of their time playing computer games (a sedentary activity). Therefore, it’s important for parents to provide opportunities for their child to “get physical.” The benefits of exercise are endless (e.g., improves concentration, decreases depression and anxiety, promotes brain growth, leads to better sleep - which in turn can reduce some of the traits of AS and HFA).

10. Make sure your “consequence system” is an effective one. For example, (a) always follow through with a consequence; (b) consequences should be spelled out in advance and occur immediately after your youngster has misbehaved; (c) remove your youngster from situations and environments that trigger inappropriate behavior; (d) try time-outs and the removal of privileges as consequences for misbehavior; and (e) when your youngster misbehaves, ask what he could have done instead, then have him demonstrate it.

11. Make sure your “reward system” is an effective one. For example, (a) reward your youngster for small achievements that you might take for granted in your other children; (b) always follow through with a reward; (c) change rewards frequently (kids on the spectrum get bored if the reward is always the same); (d) immediate rewards work better than the promise of a future reward, but small rewards leading to a big one can also work; (e) make a chart with points or stars awarded for good behavior so your youngster has a visual reminder of her successes; and (f) reward your youngster with privileges, praise, or activities, rather than with toys or food.

12. Research shows that kids with HFA benefit from spending time in nature. They often experience a greater reduction of symptoms of their disorder (including attentional difficulties) when they play in a park full of grass and trees instead of on a concrete playground.

13. Set a time and a place for everything to help your youngster understand and meet expectations. Establish simple and predictable rituals for meals, homework, play, and bed.

14. The child with HFA often has significant social skills deficits. He may talk too much, become easily distracted, struggle with reading social cues, interrupt frequently, or come off as aggressive. His relative emotional immaturity can make him stand out among his peer group and make him a target for rejection, teasing, and bullying. Thus, parents will do well to teach a few social skills. For example, (a) be careful to select playmates for your youngster with similar language and physical skills; (b) help him learn to read people’s faces and body language and to interact more smoothly in groups; (c) help him to become a better listener; (d) invite only one or two friends at a time at first, watch them closely while they play, and have a zero-tolerance policy for hitting/pushing/yelling; (e) make time and space for your youngster to play, and reward good play behaviors often; (f) role-play various social scenarios with your youngster, and trade roles often and try to make it fun; and (g) speak gently but honestly with your youngster about his challenges and how to make changes.

15. The youngster with HFA needs consistent rules that he can understand and follow. Make the rules of behavior simple and clear. Write them down, and hang them up in a place where he can easily read them. Pictorial depictions of the rules can be helpful as well.




16. Lastly, investigate to see whether or not your child may have ADD. If you answer “yes” to most of the traits below, then strongly consider seeking a diagnosis from a professional:

(Yes or No)
  • My youngster fails to think through what he is about to do or say (i.e., leaps without looking).
  • He has difficulty adjusting to sudden changes in routines.
  • He has difficulty paying attention to the things that others (e.g., teachers) want him to do (e.g. instructions).
  • She has difficulty waiting for rewards and delaying gratification. 
  • She has difficulty waiting in line, sharing, and cooperating.
  • He is inconsistent in his work and behavior (i.e., he’s fine one day, but not the next).
  • My youngster overreacts to minor disturbances.
  • He is often restless, fidgets, and squirms.
  • He needs a lot of supervision to complete tasks (e.g., school work, chores, etc.), which require sustained attention.
  • Her attention span is getting worse relative to other kids the same age.
  • Her schoolwork, belongings, time-management, and personal functioning seem very disorganized.
  • It is hard for my youngster to follow routines (e.g., getting ready for school, getting ready for bed, etc.).
  • My youngster’s ability to control impulses is not improving with age.
  • My youngster has difficulty waiting for a turn, (e.g., interrupts others, blurts out answers before a question is completed, etc.).
  • He notes details that interest him, but misses the main idea.
  • He often gets into potentially dangerous situations.
  • Her school grades do not reflect her true ability (i.e., she underachieves).
  • He seems always on the go as if driven by an engine.
  • He shows rapid mood swings.
  • My youngster honestly “forgets” to bring her assignments home. 
  • My youngster’s activity level is inappropriate for the situation (e.g., has difficulty sitting still in class, during meals, church, etc.).
  • She daydreams, drifts into her own little world, and is often oblivious to what’s going on.
  • She has difficulty paying attention to things I want her to do.
  • She is easily bored.
  • He does pay attention to things he wants to do.
  • He doesn’t pay attention to important details and often makes careless mistakes in schoolwork. (e.g., + and – signs in math).
  • She is very interested in an activity I have difficulty dragging her away.
  • When he is working on his own hobbies or creating his own projects, he is extremely focused and organized.

Moms and dads are usually worried when they receive a note from school saying that their youngster doesn’t listen to the teacher and causes problems in class. Even though the youngster with HFA often wants to be a good student, attention difficulties and impulsive behavior frequently interferes. Parents know that their youngster is struggling, but may not know exactly what’s wrong. By utilizing the steps listed above, you should be able to help your child to be more focused and composed while in the classroom – and at home.


Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said… Breaks (movement and mini's / possibly shortening the class or the day). Lessen some of the demands. Shorten the day or add some study halls for him. I would ask him. Usually they want choices. They could do work at home and reading at school. They could do half the work assignment or none at all if they are getting the "knowledge". Less busy work is always good for them. Projects tend to help them.
•    Anonymous said… Call an IEP meeting and if he doesn't have an IEP, get him one. The classroom setting he is currently in is not accomodating his needs.
•    Anonymous said… Great suggestions above. We used some of them, but once he went to HS, things kind of fell apart. I decdied to homeschool him. It allows me to work with him one-on-one, take frequent breaks, and assign smaller assignments (vs HS). We go thru a homeschooling program that offers a special services program which helps as well. Good luck!
•    Anonymous said… I have high-functioning autism, myself. When I was your son's age, what whipped me into shape was positive reinforcement. If I did what I was supposed to, I was rewarded with the things I enjoyed doing. For example, I earned the privilege to go to a Rolling Stones concert with my parents for getting my grades up. The IEP thing is also a good idea. Good luck with helping your son! Hope it helps hearing feedback from someone that was in his place at one time.
•    Anonymous said… My son was the same way. His grades were suffering and he would have a meltdown daily which sometimes ended with him hiding from the teachers & aides under the desks and tables at school. I would end the day with having to go to the classroom sit on the floor and wait for him to calm down while we’re both on the floor with him in my arms. This was not only hard on him, but hard on his twin brother who would get teased constantly about his brother’s behavior. We opted for the restricted special education class this year. Less than half the kids of an integrated classroom. Less stress on him, no longer needs a 1 on 1 aide, his grades are coming up. He absolutely loves his electronics. So His teacher has been rewarding his good behavior with time on an iPad at the end of each day! He does get homework, but within his ability which now he does on his own! He’s doing fantastic this year! Point being...it may only take some modifications in his daily work to help. If the other students have, let’s say 20 math problems, giving your Aspie child 8-10 may help. I found my son would finish at the same time as the other children which gave him confidence and he was less frustrated. His behavior changed because of this and his rewards.
•    Anonymous said… We've done IEP, therapy and meds. My 3 boys are on varying degrees of the spectrum and ADHD. They have come a long way with these strategies.

Post your comment below…

Language Problems in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism




==> Here's more information that will help you assist with your child's language problems...

  

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book


==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

Why Some Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism Can Become Aggressive

Learning Difficulties Associated with Asperger’s and High-Functioning Autism: Crucial Strategies for Parents and Teachers

“I have a high functioning autistic student in my class this year. I’ve been having quite a problem in helping him with reading comprehension, problem solving, staying organized, and completing assignments… just to name a few. Any tips on how I can better assist this student in these areas will be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!”

Children with Asperger’s (AS) and High-Functioning Autism (HFA) tend to NOT have difficulty reading, decoding language, or learning information in a rote fashion. However, they DO have difficulties that involve other kinds of learning (e.g., understanding information, relationships, ideas, concepts, patterns, etc.). This issue can be viewed as the opposite of dyslexia.



These challenges are all related to the right hemisphere of the brain, and often affect the youngster’s ability in a number of areas (e.g., with organizing thoughts, physical coordination, planning, problem solving, and social interaction). The ability to recognize patterns or concepts – and then apply them to new situations – is very problematic for these “special needs” children.

Here are some of the learning difficulties associated with AS and HFA:

1. The child on the autism spectrum often has difficulty organizing his thinking, planning and carrying out actions, and problem-solving. For example, he may struggle with breaking down an assignment into smaller pieces, or grasping the steps that need to be taken to complete a project.

2. The child with AS or HFA has difficulty identifying the main idea in something, the details that support the main idea, and the relationships among them. This affects her ability to comprehend reading, to write, to take notes, and to tell a story effectively.

3. Many children with AS and HFA are very good at rote learning. Thus, they may do well with Math simply by memorizing data. But as they get older, they often have difficulty solving more advanced Math problems that are based on recognizing patterns and concepts.

4. These kids also have difficulty interpreting nonverbal cues. As a result, they may not know what’s going on in social interactions. They don’t know what’s appropriate behavior in a given situation, because they miss the social patterns that other “typical” children pick up automatically. Problems with social communication is one reason why an AS or HFA child often focuses (sometimes obsessively) on technology (e.g., in a video game, the child doesn’t have to deal with all the nonverbal things).

==> Teaching Students with Aspergers and HFA


Children with AS and HFA have significant problems interpreting nonverbal cues if they:
  • Ask a lot of questions
  • Are repetitive and inappropriately interrupt the flow of a lesson in the classroom
  • Have trouble coping with transitions and changes in routine
  • Are clumsy
  • Have trouble following multi-step instructions
  • Are often lost or tardy
  • Have trouble generalizing previously learned information
  • Have difficulty recognizing facial expression or body language
  • Impart the “illusion of competence” because of their strong verbal skills
  • Make very literal translations
  • Need to verbally label everything that happens to comprehend circumstances, directional concepts, coordination, and spatial orientation
  • Show poor psycho-motor coordination
  • Seem to be constantly “getting in the way” (e.g., bumping into people and objects)
  • Have difficulty with fine motor skills (e.g., tying shoes, writing, using scissors, etc.)

5. A child on the spectrum may have difficulty understanding visual imagery. For instance, if he is asked to copy a shape (e.g., a cube), he may may draw something that appears nothing like a cube. He can’t accurately perceive the cube - or the forms that make up the cube. Therefore, he can’t copy it.

6. The child may also have difficulty evaluating visual-spatial information (i.e., has difficulty grasping the relationships between things she views, and has no clear sense of where they are). This can make her physically awkward.

Techniques that teachers - and parents - can use to help AS and HFA children with their learning difficulties include the following:
  1. Allow them to abstain from participating in activities at signs of overload.
  2. Avoid assuming they will automatically generalize concepts or instructions.
  3. Explain metaphors, nuances, and multiple meanings in the reading material.
  4. Implement creative programming or a modified schedule.
  5. Minimize transitions, and give several verbal cues before transition.
  6. Never assume they understand something simply because they can “parrot back” what you’ve just said.
  7. Number - and present - instructions in sequence.
  8. Offer added verbal explanations when they seem lost or confused.
  9. Rehearse getting from place to place.
  10. Simplify and break down abstract concepts.
  11. Thoroughly prepare them in advance for field trips or any other changes, regardless of how minimal.
  12. Verbally point out similarities, differences, and connections.
  13. When they ask questions excessively, answer a couple of their questions, but let them know a specific number (e.g., “two”), and that you will answer two more question at recess or after school.

Other tips for teaching students with AS and HFA include:
  • Analyze the child’s errors for clues about processing difficulties (e.g., if he reads the sentence “I pet the cat” as “I pet the car,” he may be having trouble using context clues to decipher meaning.
  • Help the child to organize and use his time effectively.  Kids on the autism spectrum often have difficulty completing daily classroom tasks. Therefore, (a) break large tasks into smaller ones, and set a short time limit for each subtask; (b) provide a folder in which the child transports homework assignments to and from school; and (c) show the child how to create “to-do lists” and establish a daily routine that he posts on his desk.
  • Minimize distracting stimuli as much as possible. Because many children with AS and HFA are easily distracted, minimize the presence of other stimuli that may compete for their attention (e.g., ask the child to keep her desk clear of objects and materials she doesn’t need for the task at hand, pull down window shades if other classes are playing outside, etc.).
  • Modify the child’s schedules and work environments. The problematic symptoms of AS and HFA tend to get progressively worse as the day wears on. Thus, when possible, have most challenging subject matter in the morning instead of the afternoon. Also, moving the child’s desk close to you, the teacher (where behavior can be monitored) can enhance his attention-span.
  • Offer outlets for excessive energy.  To help the AS or HFA child to control excess energy, try to intersperse quiet academic work with frequent opportunities for physical exercise. Also, give her some “settling-in time” after lunch and recess (e.g., time to read her favorite book) before asking her to engage in an activity that involves quiet concentration.
  • Have plenty of study aids on hand.  A child on the autism spectrum usually studies more effectively when he has scaffolding to guide his efforts (e.g., let the child copy - or receive a duplicate of - the class notes of high-achieving peers; provide graphics, study guides, and outlines that help the child to identify and interconnect important concepts and ideas).
  • Teach learning strategies and study skills.  Kids with AS and HFA benefit from being taught specific techniques for performing tasks and remembering subject matter. For instance, give the child questions to try to answer as she reads a story or textbook passage, teach certain mnemonics (i.e., memory aids) to help her remember particular facts, teach concrete strategies for taking notes and organizing homework assignments, and so on.
  • Lastly, employ a variety of ways to present information.  Because these children have trouble learning through a particular modality (e.g., via hearing or vision), try to be flexible in the ways you use to communicate information (e.g., incorporate videos, graphics, and other visual materials; when teaching the child how to read and spell a particular word, write the word, say its letters aloud, and have the him trace or write the word while repeating its letters).



==> Teaching Students with Aspergers and HFA

Children on the Autism Spectrum Who Talk Incessantly About a Special Interest


Problems with Handwriting in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

Shutdowns in Kids on the Autism Spectrum

Guidelines for Collaborating with Your Child’s School

“I’ve begged my son's school to test him for autism. I’ve had nine meetings with his principal, counselors, and teachers. They insist nothing is wrong with him except he needs more discipline, because he is ‘extremely intelligent’. Even though he has run away from school three times, they still don’t think anything is wrong. It's such a shame that these years of school are being wasted because the school doesn’t want to perform a test. How can I get them to change their mind about this?”

In short, you will need to be both a diplomat and an advocate. Being an advocate for a youngster with ASD Level 1, or High-Functioning Autism (HFA), can be tricky. Parents need exceptional communication and negotiation skills – and the confidence to support their youngster’s right to a proper education. Below are some very crucial tips to accomplish this goal in a tactful fashion:

1. Allow school officials to explain their opinions. If parents don’t understand what someone is saying, they should ask for clarification. For example, “What I hear you saying is…” can help ensure that both parties are on the same page.

2. Think in terms of “life success” rather than “school success.” Success in life (rather than just school success) depends not on academics, but on the willingness to ask for - and accept help, the determination to keep trying in spite of challenges, the ability to form healthy relationships with others, a healthy sense of self, and other qualities that are not as easy to quantify as grades and SAT scores. By focusing on these broad skills, parents can help give their youngster a huge leg-up in life.

3. Before any and all meetings, parents should write down what they want to accomplish. They can decide what is most important, and what they are willing to negotiate.



4. Parents can do their own research and keep abreast of new developments in various programs, therapies, and educational techniques for kids on the autism spectrum. Parents may be tempted to look to others (e.g., teachers, therapists, doctors, etc.) for solutions, especially at first. But parents are the foremost expert on their HFA youngster. Thus, they can take charge when it comes to finding the tools their child needs in order to learn.

5. Moms and dads of kids on the spectrum sometimes make the mistake of investing all of their time and energy into the school as the primary solution for their youngster’s disorder. Parents need to recognize that the school situation will never be perfect. Limited funding and too many regulations mean that the accommodations the “special needs” student receives may not be exactly what parents envision for him or her. This, in turn, may cause frustration and stress in the parent. So, in a nutshell, don’t have unrealistic expectations up front.
 
==> How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

6. Parents have the advantage of not being “part of the system” and may have fresh ideas. They can do their research and find examples of what other schools have done. So, offer some solutions based on the success of other schools.

7. Focus on strengths, not just weaknesses. Your youngster is not defined by his or her disorder. Focus on his or her gifts and talents. Nurture the activities where he or she excels, and make plenty of time for them.

8. Remember that the school system is dealing with a large number of kids; however, you are only concerned with YOUR “special needs” youngster. Help the meeting stay focused on him or her. Mention your youngster’s name often, resist the urge to fight larger battles, and don’t drift into generalizations.

9. Parents can remind themselves that everyone faces obstacles. It’s up to parents to teach their youngster how to deal with those obstacles without becoming discouraged or overwhelmed. Parents should not let the tests, endless paperwork, and school bureaucracy to distract them from what’s really important – giving their youngster plenty of emotional and moral support.

10. Remember that the school will be only one part of the solution for your youngster. So, leave some of the stress behind. Your attitude, support, encouragement, and optimism will have the most lasting impact on your youngster.
 
==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder

11. Stay composed and positive during meetings. The parent should try to go into the meeting assuming that everyone wants to help. If the parent says something she regrets, she can simply apologize and try to get back on track. In other words, try to stay on the good side of school officials, because they can be a big help – or a big hindrance, depending on how they feel about the parent’s attitude. This is not fair, and it’s not right. But, unfortunately, it’s the reality in some school systems.

12. Remember that the parent’s influence outweighs all others. The HFA youngster will almost always follow his or her parent’s lead. If parents approach learning challenges with a sense of humor, optimism, and hard work, their youngster will embrace their perspective (or at least see the challenges as a speed bump rather than a roadblock). Parents need to focus their energy on learning what works for their youngster – and implementing it the best they can.

13. Identify how your HFA youngster learns best – and share this information with his or her teacher(s). Once parents have figured out how their child learns best, they can take steps to make sure that type of learning is reinforced in the classroom and with homework. Let’s look at how to determine what type of learner your youngster is:
  • If your youngster is an auditory learner, he or she: (a) may love music, languages, and being on stage; (b) learns best by listening; (c) does well in lecture-based learning environments and on oral reports and tests; and (d) benefits from classroom discussions, spoken directions, and study groups.
  • If your youngster is a visual learner, he or she: (a) benefits from written notes, directions, diagrams, charts, maps, and pictures; (b) does well when material is presented and tested visually, not verbally; (c) learns best by seeing or reading; (d) may love to draw, read, and write; and (e) is probably a good speller.
  • If your youngster is a kinesthetic learner, he or she: (a) benefits from hands-on activities, lab classes, props, skits, and field trips; (b) does well when he or she can move, touch, explore, and create in order to learn; (c) learns best by doing and moving; and (d) may love sports, drama, dance, martial arts, and arts and crafts.

14. Lastly, write a respectful, business-like letter to the school that describes the issues and your suggested remedy. Ask what the school plans to do for your youngster. If you don’t get an acceptable reply, consult with an attorney who has expertise in special education matters. CLICK HERE for attorneys in any state.

 
Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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 BEST COMMENT:

Do you want to start an IEP process? Do you need accommodations for your son? You can request a comprehensive eval in writing. Many parents I know have gone the private insurance route and done a full psych/educational evaluation and then scheduled a meeting for them to review the results. But of course you can ask the school to do the psych testing--it just is a longer process. However your child has legal rights to receive any accomodations needed to succeed in school. Send a formal email to the principal, teacher, and the ESE person for the school. 
 
The schools are not required to accept any outside evaluation. But it will signal a necessary start to meeting for disability testing. Everything should be in writing. Since a formal request, in writing, is required for the school district to evaluate your child to determine if they are a child with a disability in need of special education and related services. That starts the legal clock running. The diagnosis itself does not guarantee an IEP (although it may get you a 504 with accommodations.) You will need to show that special education required. 
 
Do not let the school limit their consideration of need to academics - as other needs are direct instruction in social communication skills, executive functioning/organizational skills, self-advocacy skills, etc. are all valid "special education" needs. Developing appropriate teacher-student relationships, peer-to-peer relationships, being able to participate fully in extracurricular activities, not being bullied or shunned, etc. are all legitimate areas of special education need. 
 
Also, depending on the state and county, there are services available for free advocacy help where these advocates attend all meetings with the parent and help to move things along by liaisoning with the district. I myself have had the help of an educational advocate. Call your county district school board and ask for a list of advocates you can get help with. Sometimes going over the school's head and speaking with the county makes sense....here in my county they actually have an autism unit...someone who comes into the schools and helps the parent navigate through. And of course, you can go to the superintendent. Hope this helps.

The Blessings of Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

COMMENTS & QUESTIONS [for Dec., 2017]



Do you need some assistance in parenting your Aspergers or HFA child? Click here to use Mark Hutten, M.A. as your personal parent coach.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Mark,

You have been in touch with my wife, Karen, as we've gotten and are going through your course on Parenting/Launching Asberber Teens.  I had a question for your input as I'm looking for a check on how I respond to our son on a current concern.

This is our son's senior year in high school, but he has been able to take college courses this year at the local extension of BGSU.  It has been very hard on him, and he has been bombing out.  I'm thinking he is struggling among other things with different professors with different expectations and time management of projects all combined with currently not having much motivation as he doesn't have a clear picture of career goals, therefore doesn't see the value of the schooling.  (We had homeschooled him through 10th grade, which allowed us to naturally give him a much more consistent school experience, and he did well - with a lot of work on our side and his.)

The issue I am facing now is that it has just come out that he failed his final speech for communication class because he didn't show up, and therefore failed the course.

Further info:  He started the semester with 5 courses, and we immediately dropped one course that he felt would be too hard.  Then later, it came out that he was failing two other courses, so these were dropped even a little late in the semester, leaving him with just art and communications, which he felt he could handle.

Then with about 4 weeks left, it came out that he was slightly failing communications, and there was only one final speech left for him to bring up his grade.  So I had him focus on that project for weeks, knowing it was his key to pass.  I had him go to the prof and talk it over, and helped him to space out the preparations and prioritize it.  Towards the end, we offered for him to practice the speech with us, but he declined. 

After his speech day last week, I asked him how it went, and he said OK.  Just today it came out that he skipped the class and never gave the speech, and so got a 0 and has failed the class.

Soon he will be home and I will be debriefing this with him, and I thought I would welcome any input from you to factor into how I handle this.  He is not at all shy, and talks very freely, so he is not the introvert that is simply terrified to speak in public.  There's something else apparently.

Thanks for any thoughts you might have.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi Mark ~

My name is Jenniffer. I have a 15 yr. old son who has not been diagnosed professionally but displays all the signs of living with Asperger’s. He is high functioning.
We had him in public school when he was younger and pulled him out to homeschool when he was in the third grade. He was 8. We homeschooled him until the 8th grade, at which time he asked if he could go back. We agreed and he had a good year. We live in a small town and the grades are combined and as a result he became ‘friends’ with more of his 7th grade counterparts. When it came time for him to move up to high school he didn’t want to go without his ‘friends’. He stayed home for 9th. He is now back in school and those same ‘friends’ told him, within 2 months of starting, that they don’t want to hang out with him any longer.
Around the same time period he came to us and told us that he believes he has gender disphoria. He has never displayed any of the traits or behaviors that would have ever led us to come to that conclusion about him.
He is 6’1 and 220lbs. Before stating school again he was talking about wanting to lift weights and lose a little weight. He would help his dad with outside chores and would comment about how he liked that he was strong enough to help.
Since telling us about his thoughts he has been more anxious and depressed. But, it is not consistent.
 He told us a couple of days ago that he’s also been having nightmares but he can’t or won’t tell us what they are about.
He also has stopped doing his homework. He’s become a C student with one D and because his test scores are so high he’s brought attention to himself. He should be an A-B student. After the holidays the school wants to have a meeting with us to discuss how to get him ‘back on track’. He had a meeting with the school counselor about a week ago and told her he was only at school for socializing and doesn’t care about his grades or homework. He also told her that we are Christians and read the Bible every night and that that is more important than homework. An administrator called my husband, at that point, to see if Caleb had a safe place to do his homework and ‘is it against our religion for him to do homework?’
 We asked Caleb about the meeting and he was baffled that they would ‘extrapolate’ (his word 😏) that from what he told the counselor. We aren’t hopeful...
We believe it’s psychological. He doesn’t buy it, completely. He’s trying to figure it out and he says that if he could change it he would but ‘I was born this way’ and there’s nothing I can do to change it!
Through our own research we have started looking into possibly getting an FMRI. We aren’t sure that a diagnosis, at this point, would help. And we’ve been told because of his age it is going to be even more difficult to get.
I am going to purchase your ebook and am hopeful it will help us to understand him and help him understand himself.

My question is, do you hear about this often? Gender disphoria? And is there a correlation, in your opinion, with Asperger’s? We have been researching so much and have read that there is a belief that there is but we haven’t actually talked to anybody. His pediatrician has no experience with ASD or gender disphoria and immediately wanted us to go to counseling, which is fine except that the counselor was under the impression that we were interested in transitioning, before even talking with us. We are not interested in helping him transition. We want to help him understand and accept himself as a truly is. Even though, right now, he doesn’t see how that’s possible.
We believe because he is still going through puberty, which when he first came to us he expressed his desire to get on puberty blockers, will grow into his body to become more comfortable and confident in that fact.

I thank you for taking the time to read my email. I want to understand Caleb and how he thinks so that I can talk with him and not frustrate him or me. And right now that seems to be the only thing that’s happening...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hello Mark, (from Sunny South Africa)

I have learned sooooo much from your videos on YouTube.  I’m a subscriber!!

I have a 9 year old son, Reinhardt, with Aspergers (diagnosed December 2015).  His outbursts is not a severe as other children I’ve seen on YouTube, and the teachers say that he is overall very sweet and obedient.  He copes in school, struggle with language and reading but excels in math.  He is a born drummer – loves keeping a rhythm on any surface and we support that – that’s his thing… as well as running and dancing…

What we do struggle with though is getting the little guy to do things he is “supposed” to do, to motivate him to for instance to do homework “after homework time” (in his mind) if he is not done with the day’s homework.  Example: He had extra classes on Tuesdays, and then in the afternoon he does cross country (loves running) so on Tuesdays, there were very little time for homework.  And if it’s after a certain time in the day, he refuses to do homework, “because it’s dark out”.  And whatever you say, you can even make him sit behind his book and place the pencil in his hand, he will not do a stich of work. 

Same with bath time. He will not bath if the sun is still out – he bathes after the sun is down. 

I understand keeping to a routine and how their thought patterns work, but is there a way to motivate a child with Asperger’s to do things he does not want to do?  Sometimes you need them to take a bath earlier in order to go to a function, or things does not run according to plan and homework or other tasks needs to move to a different time slot… we really struggle with this.  He is obsessed with time an when things must and wil happen:  “Mom, when are you dishing up – you are late (5min past normal dinner time)… or how late will “this” happen, how many days until X happens…. Typical conversations:  What is the date today (although he already knows) and what date are we going to grandma – oh, ok, 6 days… and then this will repeat every day (count down) until the day we have to travel, and then he will start with the hours and minutes… how long until we leave – I’ll say 3 hours.  Him: but what time is it now (7:04) – what time will we leave (10:00).  No mommy, not 3 hours.  Two hours and 56 minutes… ha-ha-ha. 

It is a struggle some days, but most days this is what keeps us on our toes. Talking, discussing, convincing (NOT) and trying to keep everything together, because I have an (almost) 12 year old (sensitive/sweet) daughter – hitting the teens – and balancing her needs with the constant need from her brother… shew, some days are just….  I don’t know….

Maybe there is a video I’ve missed that talks about my questions that you can just refer me to.  Would love to hear from you. 

Thank you for the wonderful work you do for us!!!  We do not have a big Asperger’s support where we live – everything we need to do (like specialists, etc) are about 1½ to 2 hours’ drive away.  Makes it very difficult. In our town I know of only 2 other families with children with Aspergers, and I’m sure a lot of misdiagnosed kids around us…

I hope to hear from you soon, but if I don’t, have a Merry Christmas and a very prosperous 2018 – may you be blessed for helping us understand our children!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mr. Hutten,

Believe it or not, we are working through the parenting course but it's going slower than the needs at home arise.  Here's the deal -- Caleb is only 3 courses away from high school graduation.  Less than 3 really because the math courses (Algebra 2 and Business Math) are in process of being finished - he's retaking failed tests to complete the two math courses.  The 3rd course is English.  We mentioned the possibility of withdrawing him from high school and letting him get his GED, but the teacher begged us not to withdraw him since he is so CLOSE to graduating.  My husband Kevin also feels he is so close and maybe it's worth just keeping on with high school.  We have had him withdraw from the college plus program though.

Background info: he is enrolled at a public charter school where the kids can work at home or at the library or at the school itself.  We chose this method to give him more freedom to work where it's easier to concentrate (i.e. not a classroom).  HOWEVER, it has been more trouble than benefit  because he was given a chrome book on which to do his work and he ended up on pornographic sites, gay chat group rooms, etc.  Whatever comes into his mind as a curiosity, he researches with infinite focus and persistence.  We ended up talking to the teacher about it after he put his sister in danger by telling a perverted stranger on Facebook to "check out his sister".  We had him delete his FB account and put strict restrictions on him last year.  The school took the computer back and he worked at the library... but that also gave him access to inappropriate sites.  He was uploading inappropriate photos of himself to homosexual sites after he was curious about that lifestyle and found it interesting.  Evidently the library workers do not keep tabs on what goes on with the computers.  On top of that, he has a fixation on serial killers now, and it worries us that he has access to books and online materials that might jump start some kind of violence/downward turn.  Right now, he is not violent apart from his anger which usually is directed toward himself of yelling at his same-age sister (both adopted at the same time from Russia).  Your material mentions that immature aspergers really should be careful what they see because they can't differentiate between reality and imagination.  THIS is what we are worried about.  The teacher told us to let him go to the library and let him carry the consequences of his behavior/actions should he go astray.  While that sounds great, we have 3 other children that he brings his perversions home to (or sends them out to perversions online).  We have also made it that he is not to take any pictures of siblings at all because he might send them to inappropriate sites.  This is not a nice way to live.

So for him to work at home, it would need to be quiet - but we have a 4 year old running around and just living.  The 4 year old is not quiet, creating a lot of panic and anger in Caleb that he can't focus.  His outbursts are hard to abide.  But he has broken all our trust of what he is doing outside the home when he says he is doing school.  Your materials talk about trusting our child but how do you build trust with someone who is so impulsive and not interested in exercising any self control AND who has really whole heartedly gone to the Dark Side and then talks about it at home without filter and has put his sister at risk in the past (I'd like to believe he has learned from that - but he has yet to regain my trust).

Please, help.  I am so tired of living like this.

PS  One reason it's going slower than we would like is because for safety issues, we have our computer out in the main room.  We usually do the parenting course when we send everyone to their rooms for the evening - when we get regain the quiet of "Grand Central Station".   And some nights it is not conducive to learning/study depending on the chaos of the house.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hello Mark.  I am a 47 year old mother of two. My son is 22 and my daughter is 18. My husband died in 2014 after a 4 year bout with cancer.
My two kids couldn't be more different. While my son is easy-going and compassionate, my daughter is none of those. I read about your program and I'm wondering if at 18 she is "too far gone". She is also at college so most of my interaction with her is via text or cell phone. She does come home on breaks and those have been trying it best. She absolutely hates my boyfriend and makes no effort to get along. 
She has been in counseling and seeing psychiatrist for medication for a few years. We have gone from diagnosis to diagnosis and nothing seems to really work. I honestly think it comes down to her almost narcissistic tendencies. And I think the way we parented her from the beginning has enabled that.

I guess my question for you is will your program work to help guide me to parent her better now.  To end this constant feeling of dread that a good mood will change and everyone will be miserable.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi.  My son was diagnosed with Aspergers at the  age of 30.  He's now almost 37.  I have been to a few conferences and read books and articles about parenting children with ASD but so much of it has to do with children or teens.  I feel so alone with my struggle to help my son.  I even went to a therapist for over a year, with my son, to get some answers on how to navigate my way through his meltdowns, etc.  This was someone who was supposed to have some knowledge of ASD and was recommended by the support group for adult aspies in Portland Maine.  I got no advice as to whether or not my current strategies help or harm.  Do you have any suggestions for me as to where I might get some answers or support?  I would appreciate any help I can get.  Thanks

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mark,

Happy New Year. I am writing at this time, I imagine, because it is the holiday season. I am married to a man with Aspergers Syndrome, and the holidays have had an extra layer of loneliness and output of energy on my part. This has led me to seeking support, specifically with a neurotypical and high functioning autistic relationship dynamic. Of course, I come with my own set of challenges, emotionally and neurologically. But, they deal with... emotion.

I did not realize my husband had this challenge until the past year. I was very consumed with his daughter, who is also on the spectrum, and trying to learn, or self-teach strategies of parenting her. We have complexities of each of us coming into this marriage, with two children each, after divorces. Our ex-spouses are very challenging and my husband does not take ownership in dealings with his ex-wife, often unintentionally, but very painfully, “throwing me under the bus”. I am seen as the problem by many and it is a large burden, especially when I have committed myself so fully, with so much thought, and compassion, to others.

We currently live in two houses, due to the extreme conflict with his ex-wife, and his inability or unwillingness to reduce that conflict or set a boundary. I “broke” this past year and found myself alone and patterns of passive aggressiveness in my husband’s dealings with the situation. The two houses sets up even more loneliness opportunity, without the minimum of daily contact. I am scared because I think things could improve, in a matter of fact way, but I am exhausted from being hurt and forgotten. I have broken trust from discussions leading to commitments and those important commitments not taking place. I feel I don’t have energy left over for me and my self care. I find myself wanting to be alone, and not participate in activities or a life with my husband and his kids because it leads to such strong feelings of being used, taken advantage of, and broken trust.

We do have many strengths as a couple, and a blended family. However, there are issues that need therapy and structural change in order for things to function in a way that I can find peace and calm.

I am wondering if you do retreat type therapy. We happen to be in Indiana, in New Albany. A long drive. I will start with your ebook, but I find it terrifying. It feels like more work on my part (though there are potential great rewards), and I need a human, and validation and connection from a person, as I continue through this journey. Typical therapy is not going to work. I also believe a third party helps individuals to feel “ heard “ and a place in which accountability is expected.

Are there any practioners with this specialty in Southern Indiana? You are my first step in attempting to remain in our marriage, to which we are both committed, but I find exceedingly draining.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My son broke the rules again and smoked weed, tested positive after a party he went to, I took away his phone and I Pad, he did not fight me, I went through the Snapchat and Instagram posts and realized that almost half of the kids in his school are posting themselves, while doing drugs.

Many of those kids are put on pedestals by teachers, parents and principal for great accomplishments, the kids are part of SkillsUSA and they are high ranking officers for SkillsUSA and straight A students.
They are champions in world robotics and so on, being followed by a lot of kids worldwide, and there they are on snapchat, smoking big huge joints and pipes.
I was in shock, and for the last week I have been looking at all those posts and reading them.

When confronting and talking to my 15 year old, he did not deny smoking it, he did not lie about his friends doing it.

Here is what he said: "Because I am upsetting you, I might consider not doing it until I am 18 when I will be moving out. Not sure what your problem is, it is good for us, we do better in school, and you all said follow Bryce and be like him. I don't understand your problem with it, it will become legal in 2 days, yes I know I am not 21, but look at all the scientific proof."

He knows 10 times more about scientific proof of it being good, then I can pull up what it does bad.
He is 15 he is in 10th grade and 1/3 done of his college classes.
He never ever gave me any problems, never talked back, never comes home late, never did ever anything to upset me in any way.
That is why I am lost right now, it all changed now. All the things in your book, having dinner at home, we do and have been doing 7 days a week, he has chores,
he earns his allowance, and loses it if he does not follow through, he works for me and is on 1099 MISC, he saves his money for a new laptop, he follows his dreams with photography and take college classes, and now, the last 4 month he puts his friends first, everything I say, reflects he can care less, and they are first, he believes them more than us, and he wants to do what they do.
Do the this unique situation with the kids involved, I really need guidance, I have some of the kids filmed, and I know, those kids have no parents involved, because one of them owns his own house already and lives by himself and that is where they always are. Please advise, thank you so much.

Behavioral Manifestations of Anxiety in Kids on the Autism Spectrum




==> Need more help resolving behavior problems in your child on the autism spectrum? Here you go...

 
Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 
 

Helping Children on the Autism Spectrum to Help Themselves

“How can I help my high functioning autistic daughter (age 7) to be more independent and confident in her abilities to handle tough situations?”

All kids need love, encouragement, and support – and for the child with Asperger’s (AS) or High-Functioning Autism (HFA), such positive reinforcement can help ensure that he or she emerges with a strong sense of self-confidence and the determination to keep going even when circumstances are difficult.

In searching for ways to help your child, remember that you are looking for ways to help her to help herself. Your job is to give her the social and emotional tools she needs to work through the inevitable obstacles that will come. In the long run, facing and overcoming the difficulties associated with the symptoms of AS and HFA can help your youngster to become more resilient.



Parents should always remember that the way they behave and respond to challenges has a big impact on their “special needs” youngster. A good attitude won’t solve the problems associated with the disorder, but it can give the youngster hope and confidence that things can improve and that she will eventually succeed.

How to help your child with autism spectrum disorder to help herself:

1. Encourage healthy emotional habits. Like you, your child may be frustrated by the problems associated with his disorder. Therefore, try to give him outlets for expressing his anger, frustration, or feelings of disappointment. Listen when he wants to talk. Create an environment open to expression. Doing so will help your child connect with his emotions, and eventually, learn how to calm himself and regulate his feelings.

2. For children on the autism spectrum, being proactive is crucial and involves (a) self-advocacy (e.g., asking for a seat at the front of the classroom) and (b) the willingness to take responsibility for choices. Thus, ask your youngster how she approaches problems. How do problems make her feel? How does she decide what action to take? Discuss different possible decisions, problems, and outcomes with your youngster. Have her pretend to be part of the situation and make her own decisions. If she is hesitant to make choices and take action, try to provide a few “safe” situations to test the water (e.g., thinking of a solution for a scheduling conflict, choosing what to make for dinner, etc.). Also, share how you approach problems in your life.

3. For kids on the spectrum, self-awareness (i.e., knowledge about strengths and weaknesses) is very important. Therefore, work with your youngster on activities that are within his capabilities. This will help build feelings of competency. Help him develop his strengths and passions. Feeling passionate and skilled in one area can inspire hard work in other areas. Ask your youngster to list his strengths and weaknesses. In addition, talk about your own strengths and weaknesses.

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

4. In order to help your child to help himself, you need to be as emotionally and physically healthy as possible. Thus, take care of YOU too. It’s easy to get caught up in what your youngster needs, while forgetting your own needs. But, if you don’t take care of yourself, you run the risk of burning out. You won’t be able to help your youngster to help himself if you’re exhausted and emotionally depleted. On the other hand, when you’re calm and focused, you’re better able to connect with your youngster and help him to be calm and focused too. Enlist the help of teachers, tutors, and therapists whenever possible to share some of responsibility for day-to-day academic responsibilities. Join a support group. The encouragement and advice you’ll get from other moms and dads is crucial. Make daily time for yourself to relax and decompress. Get enough rest, eat well, and exercise.

5. Kids with AS and HFA usually need to work harder and longer because of their disorder. Therefore, discuss what it means to keep going even when things are tough. Talk about the rewards of hard work – and the opportunities missed by giving up. Talk with your youngster about times when he persevered (e.g., why did he keep going?). When your youngster has worked hard, but failed to achieve his goal, discuss different possibilities for pushing forward. In addition, share stories about when you have faced challenges and kept pushing forward.




6. Recruit family and friends so that they, too, can help your AS or HFA child to help herself. You may have tried to keep your youngster’s disorder a secret, which can, even with the best intentions, look like guilt or shame. Without knowing, extended family and friends will not understand the disorder. As a result, they may think that your youngster’s behavior is stemming from disobedience, laziness or hyperactivity. Once everybody is on the same page, they can support your youngster’s progress. Your family members and friends can be helpful teammates if you can find a way to include them and learn to ask for help when you need it.

7. Setting realistic and attainable goals is a crucial skill for success, and involves the flexibility to adapt and adjust goals according to changing challenges, circumstances, and limitations. Thus, celebrate with your youngster when she achieves a goal. If some goals seem to be too hard to achieve, talk about why - and how - plans or goals can be adjusted to make them possible. Help your youngster identify a few short-term and long-term goals, and write down steps and a timeline to achieve the goals. Check with your child periodically to talk about progress and make adjustments as needed. In addition, talk about your own short-term and long-term goals and what you do when you encounter difficult challenges.

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

8. Strong support systems are key for children with AS and HFA. The child that is able to ask for help when she needs it - and reach out to others for support - is often highly successful. Thus, demonstrate to your youngster how to ask for help in difficult situations. Help her to nurture and develop good relationships. Model what it means to be a good friend so she knows what it means to help and support others. Present your youngster with role-play scenarios that require help. Also, share examples of people needing help, how they got help, and why it was good to ask for what you need.

9. When a child with AS or HFA learns how to regulate stress and calm himself, he will be much better equipped to overcome challenges. So, ask your youngster to describe activities and situations that make him anxious. Break down the scenarios and talk about how anxiety and frustration can be avoided. Ask your youngster what words he might use to describe anxiety. Does he recognize when he is feeling anxious? Encourage your youngster to identify and participate in activities that help reduce anxiety (e.g., sports, games, music, writing in a journal, etc.). Also, use words to identify feelings and help your youngster learn to recognize specific emotions.

10. Lastly, prayer and meditation have worked wonders for other parents of children on the autism spectrum. For example, pray for your child’s success in all areas of life – spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, and financially. Also, visualize your child thriving in all of these areas.


==> More strategies on how to help your child to become more self-reliant and confident!

The 3 Phases of a Meltdown in Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

How to Make Sure Your ASD Child Thrives and Becomes a Healthy, Happy and Productive Adult




==> Parenting Autistic Children: Research-based Methods

  • What if you found a set of research-based parenting strategies that thousands of other parents have used and found to be highly successful?
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Good news! There is such a program. Click on the link above to get started immediately.

What to Do When Your "Special Needs" Child is Bullied at School

Bullying is a distressing issue that affects countless children across the world, but for those with special needs, the impact can be even m...