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"Best-of" Tips for Parenting Children on the Autism Spectrum

Here is a concise, cut-to-the-chase list of perhaps the most important (yet simple) strategies for parents of kids with ASD level 1, or High-Functioning Autism (HFA):

1. A child with HFA will act differently from your other kids. You will have to learn new and different ways to help and teach this youngster.

2. Adolescents are usually able to manage stressors better, and behavior problems at school may be less of an issue. However the fatigue that comes from this control may lead to the adolescent 'falling apart' at home.

3. As other children become more sophisticated with interpersonal relationships, it can become more difficult for a student with HFA to be involved in friendship groups, although they may be able to participate well in special interest groups such as science groups. When managing social interactions is difficult, some solitary time can be needed and should not be seen as a 'problem'.

4. HFA is just a label …it’s not a death sentence.

5. Be "concrete" with your child. Tell him that the inappropriate thing he wants or the unacceptable behavior that he is demonstrating is not allowed. He needs to follow structured, consistent rules which will assist in modifying his behavior. Don't give in to raising your voice and getting angry with your "special needs" child - no matter how hard it is not to.
 
6. Don't be ashamed and hide a child’s disability, be it high functioning autism or low-functioning autism. Most people know someone or love someone with the disorder, and speaking openly about it may help in finding others who need and want to talk about the conditions and their children.

7. Help educators to think about the best way to teach your youngster and make changes to the classroom that will help his learning experience. Teachers will also want to know about the ways that you have learned to manage your youngster's behavior and any special routines or interests that your youngster has and how he communicates.

8. Enlist the help of your Higher Power (I call him God).

9. Establish a daily routine. Consistent behaviors and expectations will help reduce your child's negative behaviors. Daily routine creates stability and comfort for children on the autism spectrum. Also, it helps to lessen their need to make demands on you. When you establish a routine, you eliminate some of the situations in which your child becomes demanding (e.g., by building in regular times to give him attention, he may have less need to show aggression to try to get your attention).

10. Fatigue after school is often a problem, and facing up to homework at the end of the day can be very stressful. You may need to negotiate with educators about the learning objectives of homework and what your youngster actually needs to do. Since many children with the disorder can focus well in some classes (especially those that are built on 'facts'), they may not need the repetitive learning tasks that other children need for some subjects.

11. Find a support group. There are many organizations that want to help mothers/fathers with special needs kids. However, moms and dads can also research the community for what is best for children who are on the Autism Spectrum.

12. Get to know your youngster’s teacher and meet regularly, along with your youngster, to talk about any issues that arise.

13. If anxiety is so overwhelming that it is interfering with your youngster's ability to manage normal activities, medication may be helpful. You will need to see your doctor to arrange this.

14. If you think your youngster has HFA, or one of the other disorders within the autism spectrum, it is best to have an assessment as soon as possible. There may be a waiting time for an assessment.

15. It is better to find out that a child is on the Autism Spectrum now than to wait until he or she is older. There are many things moms and dads can do to make their child’s future the best it can be. The sooner a parent gets a child who is on the Autism Spectrum treatment the better his or her future will be.
 

16. It may be helpful for you to arrange to attend a staff meeting to inform school staff about autism spectrum disorder - and what this means for your youngster.

17. Moms and dads do not cause the disorder - and should not blame themselves.

18. Offer ways of understanding humor or typical childhood banter that uses available environmental cues.

19. Refer to boundaries as the lines that keep people within the relationship road they are supposed to be on.

20. Secondary school can be very stressful for children with HFA, because of the daily challenges of having several different educators, having to move between classrooms and have different timetables each day. These changes can cause considerable confusion and anxiety for someone who is very resistant to change.

21. Set strategies and routines in place for your youngster that can be followed at home and at school (e.g., regarding acceptable behavior, consequences, dealing with anger and frustration).

22. Stress-management techniques may be helpful to control anxiety in older kids with the disorder.

23. Support from other moms and dads can be important.

24. Think of the social world as a variety of "relationship road maps" that your child needs to perceive accurately and use talking tools to be able to follow.

25. Try some behavior modification. You must determine what need the “bad” behavior is fulfilling, and then teach him a replacement behavior that will satisfy the need.

26. When you enroll your youngster at a preschool or school, talk to school staff about your child’s special needs.

27. You do not have to wait for a diagnosis before you can get help. You can seek support from professionals (e.g., a psychologist, pediatrician, speech pathologist, behavior therapist).

28. You should let school staff know if your youngster is sensitive to certain sounds, smells or being touched. This will help them develop appropriate plans for your youngster.

29. Your youngster will probably need clear routines, and if there have to be changes, he will need lots of warning.

30. Your child must learn to appropriately communicate the cause of his aggression and get his needs met through that insight.


Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD
 
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How to Explain Your ASD Child's "Annoying" Behavior to the Siblings

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Don't Feed Your Child's Desire to Push Your Buttons

 
 

Best Comment: 

This is so true especially for the ADHD aspect. I wish it didn't take me 10 years to put on this poker face. lol The thing is I did reward him for good behavior. I would also give him $10 for any unsolisiticed compliment I got on him (and there were lots that I was happy to share with him). The problem with my son is his self esteem (because he fed into bad/rebellious behavior) which he knew was wrong but he was impulsive. So a heads up to the parent of the rebel. Kids don't learn unless they pay some consequences and they are going "to expect you to come to their aid". Don't because they pushed it to far. Teach them about "boundaries" and "consequences" but also tell them you love them a lot. They are sad that they are behaving this way (for attn and are not sure how to "fix it") because they've done this so long. Hopefully the maturity level will eventually "click or catch up" and they will learn to be looking for good attention and give out good attention and vibes. "Strike that, reverse it." has been our motto around here (especially for his negative thoughts). Also, getting your kid to realize he should live a clean life (no substances or alcohol) is important. It's even more harmful to their brains.

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"Reward Systems" for Kids on the Spectrum: Are They Effective?

Question

Reward systems …do they work? We are trying to come up with some kind of reward system and what works??? Stickers? When he completes an assignment, he does not want to work at all, only on his terms.

Answer

Even though rewards can inspire a youngster with High-Functioning Autism or Asperger's to cooperate, you will need to differentiate between discipline and behavior modification. Offering your child stickers for what you would like him to do will often produce initial results.

Having said that, the newness of the incentive plan will wear off (sometimes rather quickly), and you will still have to impose negative consequences for improper conduct when it happens.

Obviously, much will depend on your son. A young child that is naturally driven towards approval may react to positive reinforcement. Sticker rewards may prove a terrific success! A young child that learns from bumping-up against the boundaries might be much less responsive to this method. Searching for approval and limit-testing are both typical ways for a youngster to learn to "go by the guidelines," and many kids require some of each.

What exactly are your household policies? Clear expectations and consistent consequences would be the secrets of success in creating cooperation all through your son's development. An alternative choice to a reward system is to develop a family environment of cooperative expectation from the beginning. Guidelines can include that we all brush our teeth each morning, comb our hair, wash our faces and eat breakfast.

Genuine cooperation entails that I do something for you and you do something for me. Cooperative children are compensated with privileges, like visiting the zoo, receiving a new lunch box or even a brand new toy. Cooperation can also be compensated with simply feeling connected to members of the family.

Sticker reinforcement centers your youngster on the accumulation of "goodies," as opposed to the spirit of cooperation. It may however, provide a quick start to cooperative conduct. Mothers and fathers should be prepared to cope with setting boundaries and motivating behavior through expectation and natural consequences in the end.

A word of warning: Be sure to separate actions from emotions. Moms and dads occasionally have impractical expectations that the youngster feel happy about cooperating. In the event the morning regimen is to put your clothes on before arriving at the breakfast table, your son need not like doing it, but he must accept it.

Reflecting your son's feelings can help him cooperate, instead of "act out" with a meltdown. For example,  "You are angry right this moment, I understand; however, you must still put your clothing on before arriving at the breakfast table. Then we can read our morning tale".

The method here is that there is a natural incentive, organic to the cooperation involved in family life. When the youngster chooses not to cooperate, then this may produce a negative result of not having time for his morning story.

Make room for feelings AND expect your child to do his part in the family. If the consequences are not overly strict and the expectations are fairly realistic to your son's development, cooperation will become a family affair.

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Crucial Strategies for Parents of Challenging Kids on the Autism Spectrum

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