Helping Aspergers and HFA Children Get to Sleep

Nearly 70 percent of Aspergers and High-Functioning Autistic (HFA) children under age 10 experience some type of sleep problem. And although “sleep needs” naturally decrease by about 15 minutes on average every year (1-year-olds require almost 14 hours daily, while a 17-year-old needs at least 8.25 hours), a startling 80 percent of Aspergers and HFA children ages 11 to 17 get less than the recommended amount. Some these kids may have chronic sleep difficulties, and many are actually going through their days sleep-deprived.

Does your child:

• get out of bed over and over until you are both exhausted and your child is crying
• demand that you lie down with her and stay there until she falls asleep
• call to you after you have already read 3 stories, checked for monsters, lined up the stuffed animals, and made sure that the door was ajar in exactly the correct position to your child’s specifications

Do you:

• wake up in your own bed and notice the extra body sleeping peaceful beside you
• try to sneak out of your child’s bedroom, but he wakes up and demands that you return
• find yourself drifting off and waking up two hours later in your child’s bed

If any of this sounds familiar, then you are probably waking up exhausted in the morning, dragging yourself through your day, and dreading this evening when it all starts again.

Help your youngster get better rest by trying out one or more of the following strategies:

1. About fifteen minutes before bedtime, and again five minutes before, remind your youngster that bedtime is coming soon. It's hard for kids to stop doing something they enjoy, and a reminder gives them time to finish what they're doing and to get ready to "switch gears" for actual bedtime routines. Some people find it helpful to use neutral timekeepers like clocks or a timer to help kids see when it’s time for bed.

2. The key to getting a youngster to bed easily is helping them to relax before bed time arrives. Not only is bath time necessary to prepare your youngster for the next day, it also helps by slowing them down into the right frame of mind needed to fall asleep. A warm bath or shower is very comforting and also helps to relax the body, making focusing the youngster on calming down before bed much easier.

3. Bedtime starts long before kids are in bed. In fact, kids are far more ready for bedtime if they have "winding down" time with some calm, relaxing activities. It's wise to avoid television programs that might make your kids excited or feel they need rough and tumble play. If you offer an evening snack, keep away from foods with caffeine, like colas and chocolate which are stimulants and could keep your youngster awake. Better to give fruit, pretzels, or cookies and a little milk.

4. Clean up before bed. Kids often make random messes during their playtime and it is very helpful to the parents to have them put their things away before bed. Children picking up their own things give the parents the ability to spend more time focused on their kids. You are also reinforcing a great habit while your kids are young. The less a parent or caregiver has to be responsible for, the less stress they will have.

5. Consider using the supplement Melatonin. More than two dozen studies have shown that melatonin helps children who have insomnia, and it has few or no side effects. The U.S. Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality in 2005 concluded that melatonin supplements are safe. Children with Aspergers and Autism are often given this supplement because their bodies either don't produce melatonin – or do so only erratically. This is not a treatment for the healthy child who just doesn't want to go to bed or the child with occasional trouble falling asleep. Melatonin is most beneficial for children who suffer brain injuries in which the brain no longer produces enough melatonin. About 15% of pediatricians recommend melatonin to help kids who have insomnia.

6. Create a buffer time to lower down the activity level for an hour or so before bedtime. Find quieter activities such as coloring, reading or playing quietly.

7. Decrease television time and increase your youngster's activities and exercise levels during the day.

8. Eliminate caffeine from your youngster’s diet. Cola drinks and chocolate have significant caffeine.

9. Encourage your kids to find ways to comfort themselves-- maybe holding a stuffed animal, making up a story or imagining a pleasant "dream."

10. Find a balance between being comforting and being firm about the rules. If you've set a rule of "one small drink of water" or "two books," kindly remind your youngster of the rule and then stick to it.

11. Have a bedtime snack. This does not need to be a big deal. It is just a little food to help them tide themselves over to morning and breakfast, which is a long time away. A cheese stick or a small glass of milk and a slice of bread or a handful of crackers is all it takes. Cooking is not required. Sweets are probably not a good idea for many reasons. Having a little something in their stomach before bedtime makes them more comfortable and less likely to sleep lightly or have trouble getting to sleep in the first place.

12. If you feel comfortable about it, you may want to leave on a night light or decorate your youngster's bedroom walls or ceiling with glow-in-the-dark stickers. Having a bit of light reminds kids that there is still light somewhere and that before long, the daylight will come again.

13. If your youngster has had a nightmare, you can assure your youngster that a dream is only a dream, and a dream can’t hurt anybody.

14. Let your youngster know that it's okay if he or she doesn't fall asleep right away, but that it's important to stay in bed.

15. Let your kids know that you understand how disappointed they can get when they have to stop playing and get ready for bed. Just knowing that parents care about their feelings can help kids manage better.

16. Set a bed time. Being consistent is the most important rule with kids. You will find that deciding on a specific bed time and sticking to it will greatly reduce the struggle to get children to bed. When deciding on the time, make sure to consider the different aspects of the youngster’s needs. A youngster needs 10 to 11 hours of sleep to function well during the day. Most kids do not fall asleep right away, so make sure to account for that factor in determining the bed time.

17. Some families find it helpful to leave the bedroom door open a bit, so kids can hear some familiar sounds of the household as they try to fall asleep. If kids do get out of bed, it's best to walk them back to their rooms. Kids need to know their own beds and bedrooms are safe places.

18. Some families put a sticker on a calendar each morning after their youngster was able to stay in bed all night. There may not be many stickers to begin with, but seeing them increase over time can let kids realize that they've been able to manage something that once had been hard for them.

19. Spend ten minutes cuddling with your youngster. This will build a sense of love and security as well as provide a time to calm down.

20. Try to make bedtime the same time each night. Kids understand what's expected of them when they have a routine that's predictable.

21. Tuck them into bed. One method for settling a youngster into bed is the bedtime story. After the children are in their pajamas, tuck them comfortably into their blankets. You can either read to them or tell them a story, making it up as you go. Listening to your voice will help the youngster relax and get comfortable. There are also other options including bed time songs, rhymes and prayers that will help the youngster feel safe and at rest as they get settled down for the night.

22. Use lavender or other aromas in your youngster's room. The scent may help to calm your youngster.

23. Use relaxation tapes as background noise for your youngster when falling asleep. There are many varieties available including nature sounds and calming music. Kids with ADHD often find "white noise" to be calming. You can create white noise by putting a radio on static or running an electric fan.

24. Your youngster might find it comforting to have something of yours to keep through the night, like a glove or a small scarf. Those personal things can help your youngster feel connected with you, even though you're not right there.

25. Give your youngster choices. Some families find their kids are more willing to go through a bedtime routine if they have some control over what particular things they do. Of course there are some things, like bathing and teeth brushing, that need to be part of every healthy family’s “routine.” 

Here is a list of some other rituals you may want to consider:

• give hugs
• listen to quiet music
• read books or tell stories
• say goodnight to things in the room
• say prayers
• sing quiet songs
• spend time cuddling
• talk about what happened today
• talk about what's ahead for tomorrow

More resources for parents of children and teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism:

==> Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums in Asperger's and HFA Children

==> Discipline for Defiant Asperger's and HFA Teens

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and HFA: How to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Everything You'll Ever Need to Know About Parenting Asperger's Children

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

==> AudioBook: Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger’s and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism


Comments:

• Anonymous said... The strategies mentioned by to for good sleep of our Aspergers child are really fantastic. But to Eliminate caffeine from our youngster’s diet is the most important one I think. Cola drinks and chocolate must be avoided.
• Anonymous said...My 10 year old still has problems. I have tried everything and he still won't go to sleep without one of us in bed with him until he falls asleep. This is the only time we get to ourselves, and it is not happening. I feel frustrated as I he follows me all the time and the only break I get is when he is asleep!
• Anonymous said...My 8 year-old son with aspergers still has issues at bedtime. He insists me or his dad lay down with him until he goes to sleep because he's "lonely". He has a radio and favorite stuffed toys but they are no substitute. We have tried to ween him from this but no luck. Lots of crying and anxiety at bedtime. He ends up going to sleep after 10pm and he's hard to wake up for school. Any suggestions on how to remedy this?
• Anonymous said...My daughter is like this too.....and, refuses to do quiet time
• Anonymous said...My now 11yr old son with aspergers has had problems sleeping in cycles since an infant. Until recently we had quite a long time where if we managed to get him to sleep, he would stay asleep all night. Six months ago we moved and I suddenly had a very content child during the day and an extremely desperate and paranoid child at night. He has begun waking and coming in to us or sneaking into his sisters and sleeping on their floor. It has caused several problems and some nights becomes quite distressing for both my husband and I and all five children. Things have improved from the 40+times he was waking but is still an issue. At one point he was so sleep deprived that our gp recommended that we use a sedative at night for a week or so to regulate his body clock. We reluctantly gave it a go out of sheer desperation but unfortunately it was a very temporary solution. Bribes haven't worked and neither has reassurance, consequences, and all of the strategies above except the melatonin as this is the first I have heard of it. Has anyone had success with any other ideas?
• Anonymous said...No issues going to bed but waking up between 3-5 every day... any tips on this? Thanks. X

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Helping Aspergers and HFA Children Deal with Disappointments

"How can I help my 14-year-old child with high functioning autism to handle disappointments? Almost on a daily basis, he feels mistreated by one of his friends, or something at school doesn’t go just right, or he gets into trouble here at home and receives an undesirable consequence. I don’t want to send him into a depression – but at the same time, I want him to be more resilient and responsible. Also, I’ve heard you talk about how we, as parents of autistic children, tend to be over-protective – and the damage that we do as a result of this kind of parenting. Is there some way I can help him without being over-protective?"

Click here for the answer...

Aspergers and Speech Difficulties

Approximately 50% of kids with Aspergers have delayed speech. While many kids grow out of this by age five, others go on to experience other language difficulties. These generally fall into one or more of the following three areas of linguistics:

1. Pragmatics—

Pragmatics refers to language usage and the way that context relates to meaning. Kids with Aspergers often have difficulty in holding a normal conversation where there is give and take and social interaction. While most people learn these skills by observing others, those with Aspergers may need personal coaching. Problems with pragmatics manifest in the following forms:

• does not allow the other person to talk
• does not use people’s names
• focuses exclusively on topics that interest them
• gives too much detailed information
• interrupting others
• lack of facial expression and eye contact
• lack of greeting
• oblivious to boredom in others
• oblivious to emotional reactions in others

2. Semantics—

Semantics is defined as the meaning or interpretation of a word, sentence, or other language form. While many children with Aspergers are extremely intelligent and avid readers, they often struggle in this particular area. They may have problems with the following:

• difficulty in understanding jokes
• difficulty in understanding metaphors and figures of speech
• interpreting everything literally
• pedantic speech
• problems with understanding teasing
• sarcasm is not understood

3. Prosody—

Prosody refers to the tonal and rhythmic aspects of speech. Kids with Aspergers often have a strange manner of speaking. It may come across with words enunciated precisely and formally and the speed, volume and rhythm may be odd. Problem areas to look out for include the following:

• difficulties in coordinating speaking and breathing
• little or no inflection
• monotonous sound
• stilted or formal speech
• strange rhythms of speech
• talking loudly

How Parents Can Help

Aspergers kids with language problems can benefit from one-on-one training with a parent or speech therapist. The problems are often tackled individually and it takes perseverance and repetition to see lasting results. Methods vary but could include the following:

• practicing eye contact and body language
• practicing normal pronunciation and inflection
• teaching how to start a conversation
• training them not to interrupt
• use of pictures to explain figures of speech

It is never too late to seek help for speech difficulties. The key to success is often a commitment from a parent to work with the youngster for extended periods of time. Here’s how:

1. Don't force your Aspergers youngster to speak correctly and accurately at all times. Allow him to be a kid when you are not helping him with his speech trouble. Keeping on him constantly about speaking appropriately will frustrate and anger him.

2. Catch your child speaking properly and accuse her of being successful. When parents praise a youngster – even for the littlest things – it helps to build her self-esteem and makes her want to try harder to do something. Help your youngster to keep practicing her speech by telling her what a great job she is doing at sounding out words and learning her phonics. When your youngster gets a word down well, write that word down and post it somewhere such as the refrigerator. Then she can see it daily and know what a good job she has done.

3. Have your youngster evaluated by a speech therapist. Your youngster may need more help with his speech than you or any other family can offer. Whether your youngster is delaying in learning words, has trouble sounding words out, or even stutters, a speech therapist can come up with strategies to make speech easier on your youngster and help him to grow his speech skills. Also, a speech therapist can help your youngster deal with the frustrations of his speech trouble. Since a speech therapist has so much experience, she can offer ideas and exercises for relaxing your youngster and helping him stay on track to better speaking.

4. Help your youngster sound out words by encouraging him to take his time with speech. Many kids get frustrated and tire of trying to do something that is tough for them. Most have a small attention span and want to quit doing things after a few minutes of trying. Help your youngster to relax and take time in practicing his speech. Let him know that things that are worth doing well take time and practice and that he'll get it if he just stays calm and focused. Sound the words out with him slowly so that your youngster gets the importance of relaxing when practicing his speech. If you, the parent, are calm, your youngster will be as well.

5. Promote confidence in your youngster to help him deal with the social ramifications of a speech problem. Unfortunately, children can be mean, and your youngster may encounter these cruel children who will make fun of his speech trouble. Your youngster may have a difficult time dealing with this type of bullying treatment and end up not wanting to go to school, be around other children, or even leave the house. Help your youngster to feel good about himself by letting him know all his good qualities. Make a list of things your youngster does well or characteristics he possesses. Give him the list and let him see how amazing he is. Tell him to let you know immediately if any youngster picks on him for his speech trouble. Let your youngster know that this is bullying, and if it happens in school, he needs to tell his teachers.

6. Your youngster needs to see speaking as fun and enjoyable, not a task. Let him talk freely during times when you are not working on his speech with him. Chances are, you'll find him correcting himself – and that's the greatest way to instill confidence in him...allowing him to do it himself.

7. Practice, practice, and then practice some more.

The Aspergers Comprehensive Handbook

Managing Aspergers Meltdowns: Tips for Parents

Sometimes, little emotions are not so little with Aspergers (high functioning autism) children. All of us struggle with emotions – and all of us "lose it" from time to time; however, it's helpful to understand why Aspergers kids may be susceptible to being “driven along” by emotions, rather than being “in charge” of their emotions.

Possible Causes of Meltdowns—

1. Long Term Stress— Combine long term stressors of sensory overload and social challenges, along with all the regular hassles that make up daily living, it's not surprising that Aspergers children may "lose it" over seemingly small situations. As a parent of this child, you may feel bewildered at the intensity of the meltdown.

2. Sensory Overload— Some children with Aspergers are affected by noise, others are affected by smells, textures or lights. It can be any number of things, but too many sensory inputs can lead to meltdowns or shutdowns. It can all happen when the senses get into a major traffic jam.

3. Social Challenges—I was once a tourist in Columbia. The streets did not have signs, and I didn't understand what people were saying. Needless to say, it was stressful. Yet this is what Aspergers kids may go through on a regular basis. Of course, each child is unique, so he may experience more or less of this social confusion, but the stress can take its toll over the course of the day. Too much stress – and the boiling point can be reached.

4. More Stress— If over time an Aspergers child feels that meltdowns are inevitable, random, and uncontrollable, she can feel somewhat stressed out! Imagine not knowing when you will lose it next, or what the consequences may be.

What Can Be Done? 

Here are a few suggestions. Some will work, some won’t. Just as the senses can be bombarded, now your child can use them to self-soothe:

1. Hearing— Have you Aspergers child listen to some beautiful and soothing music. Consider purchasing some meditation CD's. Consider buying CD's with sounds of nature. He may savor the sounds and let them calm him down.

2. Smell— Buy some potpourri or a scented candle and put it in your child’s room. She may enjoy the smells, savor them, and let them calm her down.

3. Taste— Notice what your child’s favorite foods are. Keep some of his favorite foods on hand in small portions. He may really savor the taste, and let it soothe his restlessness.

4. Touch—Massage your child’s shoulders, or go for a walk with him. Maybe he would enjoy lifting weights, martial arts, a warm bath or soft clothes. He may let the touch soothe him and take away his stress.

5. Vision— Buy a beautiful painting or flower. Design a beautiful space in one of the rooms in your house. Light a candle, and watch it quietly with your Aspergers child. Go out in the middle of the night and watch the stars. Be creative. You know best what sights your child will most enjoy. She might notice them, take them in slowly, and let their beauty calm her down.

Tell your child to think of his emotions as wild horses. Untamed, they can wreak havoc. But, once understood and worked with, they can be of great service and power to your Aspergers child.

My Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns