Is there a cure for Aspergers?

Unfortunately, there is no cure for Aspergers; however, there are a wide variety of helpful treatments that help those with Aspergers to learn better social skills and communication cues, and to help them be able to interact socially more naturally. By focusing on learning ways to cope with the symptoms and pick up on social cues, most people with Aspergers lead fairly typical lives, with close friends and loved ones.

The mainstay of management for Aspergers is behavioral therapy, focusing on specific deficits to address poor communication skills, obsessive or repetitive routines, and physical clumsiness. Most kids improve as they mature to adulthood, but social and communication difficulties may persist. Some researchers and individuals with Aspergers have advocated a shift in attitudes toward the view that it is a “difference” rather than a “disability” that must be treated or cured.

Treatment for Aspergers attempts to manage distressing symptoms and to teach age-appropriate social, communication and vocational skills that are not naturally acquired during development, with intervention tailored to the needs of the child based on multidisciplinary assessment. Although progress has been made, data supporting the efficacy of particular interventions are limited.

Therapies for Aspergers—

Therapy for Aspergers concentrates on three-core symptoms: physical clumsiness, obsessive or repetitive routines, and poor communication skills. There is no single treatment for children suffering from all three of these core symptoms, but professionals do agree that the disorder can be treated when the intervention is carried out at the earliest possible time.

The ideal treatment for Aspergers coordinates therapies that address core symptoms of the disorder, including poor communication skills and obsessive or repetitive routines. While most professionals agree that the earlier the intervention, the better, there is no single best treatment package. Treatment for Aspergers resembles that of other high-functioning ASDs, except that it takes into account the linguistic capabilities, verbal strengths, and nonverbal vulnerabilities of children with Aspergers.

A typical program generally includes:

• Cognitive behavioral therapy to improve stress management relating to anxiety or explosive emotions and to cut back on obsessive interests and repetitive routines

• Medication for coexisting conditions such as major depressive disorder and anxiety disorder 

• Occupational or physical therapy to assist with poor sensory integration and motor coordination

• Social communication intervention, which is specialized speech therapy, to help with the pragmatics of the give and take of normal conversation 

• Training and support of moms and dads, particularly in behavioral techniques to use in the home

• Training of social skills for more effective interpersonal interactions

Of the many studies on behavior-based early intervention programs, most are case studies of up to five participants, and typically examine a few problem behaviors such as self-injury, aggression, noncompliance, stereotypies, or spontaneous language.

Despite the popularity of social skills training, its effectiveness is not firmly established. A randomized controlled study of a model for training moms and dads in problem behaviors in their kids with Aspergers showed that moms and dads attending a one-day workshop or six individual lessons reported fewer behavioral problems, while moms and dads receiving the individual lessons reported less intense behavioral problems in their Aspergers kids.

Vocational training is important to teach job interview etiquette and workplace behavior to older kids and grown-ups with Aspergers, and organization software and personal data assistants can improve the work and life management of individuals with Aspergers.

Medications for Aspergers—

No medications directly treat the core symptoms of Aspergers. Although research into the efficacy of pharmaceutical intervention for Aspergers is limited, it is essential to diagnose and treat comorbid conditions. Deficits in self-identifying emotions or in observing effects of one's behavior on others can make it difficult for children with Aspergers to see why medication may be appropriate.

Medication can be effective in combination with behavioral interventions and environmental accommodations in treating comorbid symptoms such as anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, inattention and aggression. The atypical antipsychotic medications risperidone and olanzapine have been shown to reduce the associated symptoms of Aspergers. Risperidone can reduce repetitive and self-injurious behaviors, aggressive outbursts and impulsivity, and improve stereotypical patterns of behavior and social relatedness. The selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) fluoxetine, fluvoxamine and sertraline have been effective in treating restricted and repetitive interests and behaviors.

Side Effects of Medications for Aspergers—

Care must be taken with medications, as side effects may be more common and harder to evaluate in children with Aspergers, and tests of drugs' effectiveness against comorbid conditions routinely exclude children from the autism spectrum.

• Weight gain and fatigue are commonly reported side effects of risperidone, which may also lead to increased risk for extrapyramidal symptoms such as restlessness and dystonia and increased serum prolactin levels.

• SSRIs can lead to manifestations of behavioral activation such as increased impulsivity, aggression and sleep disturbance.

• Sedation and weight gain are more common with olanzapine, which has also been linked with diabetes. Sedative side-effects in school-age kids have ramifications for classroom learning.

• Abnormalities in metabolism, cardiac conduction times, and an increased risk of type 2 diabetes have been raised as concerns with these medications, along with serious long-term neurological side effects.

Children with Aspergers may be unable to identify and communicate their internal moods and emotions or to tolerate side effects that, for most individuals, would not be problematic.

Studies are on the way to discover the best treatment for Aspergers, which includes the use of functional magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) to identify the abnormalities in the brain that causes malfunction. Clinical trials are being conducted to identify the effectiveness of anti-depressants in people with Aspergers. Even the analysis of the DNA of the Aspergers sufferer and his/her family may cause a breakthrough in the treatment of the Aspergers.

With effective treatment, children with Aspergers can learn to cope with their disabilities, but they may still find social situations and personal relationships challenging. Many adults with Aspergers are able to work successfully in mainstream jobs, although they may continue to need encouragement and moral support to maintain an independent life.  

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Aspergers Children and Behavior Problems

Question

I have an 11 year old boy with AS …we just got the news 2-3 weeks ago after many years …oh it’s this, oh maybe this …so now were at Asperser’s syndrome. We are at our breaking point with him and have been talking about residential care. So here goes...

He doesn’t fall asleep until 11 or 12 and I have to stay up with him to monitor him. He likes to go through stuff and make messes (like putting food in glass of water). We have found lots of other family member’s stuff in his room (money, lock boxes, stuff of his dads). He is very defiant and out of control …he cusses a lot and does inappropriate things …like tonight he peed in a soda can and said his brother did it. When I cleaned his bathroom, he had written ‘fuck you’ on the wall. He has no respect for anything or anyone. He follows NO rules and we can’t get him to do anything. I don’t know what to do or where to go to get help! Where do we even start?

Answer

Re: Sleep difficulties…

1. Avoid giving your son large meals close to bedtime.

2. Be firm and go through a certain bedtime routine that your son is used to. At the end of that routine the lights go off and it is time to fall asleep.

3. Create a relaxing bedtime routine, such as having your son take a warm bath or reading a story.

4. Don’t give your son foods and drinks with caffeine in them, like hot chocolate, tea, cola, chocolate, etc. Even caffeine earlier in the day could disrupt your his sleep cycle.

5. Don't let your son watch more than one to two hours of TV during the day, and don't let him watch TV at bedtime at all. TV viewing at bedtime has been linked to poor sleep.

6. Establish a regular time for bed each night and do not vary from it. Similarly, the waking time should not differ from weekday to weekend by more than one to one and a half hours.

7. If your son has a TV set in their bedroom, remove it. Research shows watching TV is linked to sleep problems, especially if the TV set is in the child’s bedroom. The presence of other media, such as a computer, video games or Internet in a child’s bedroom is also associated with worse sleep. So no television, radio, or music playing while your son is going to sleep.

8. Keep to a regular daily routine. The same waking time, meal time, homework time, and play times will help your son to feel secure and comfortable, and help with a smooth bedtime.

9. Make after-dinner playtime a relaxing time. Too much activity close to bedtime can keep children awake.

10. Make sure the noise level in the house is low.

11. Make sure the temperature in the bedroom is comfortable and that the bedroom is dark.

12. Make sure your son has interesting and varied activities during the day, especially physical activity and fresh air.

13. Never use sending your son to bed as a threat. Bedtime needs to be a secure, loving time, not a punishment. Your goal is to teach him that bedtime is enjoyable, just as it is for us adults. If the feeling around bedtime is a good feeling, he will fall asleep easier.

14. Put some thought into finding your son’s ideal bedtime. In the evening, look for the time when he really is starting to slow down and getting physically tired. That's the time that he should be getting ready for bed. If you wait beyond that time, then your son will tend to get a second wind. At that point he will become more difficult to handle, and will have a harder time falling asleep.

15. Some Aspergers (high-functioning autism) children are soothed by the sound of a vaporizer or fan running. This "white noise" blocks out the distraction of other sounds. Small, portable white noise machines with a variety of different sounds are now available.

16. Use a simple, regular bedtime routine. It should not last too long and should take place primarily in the room where your son will sleep. It may include a few simple, quiet activities, such as a light snack, bath, saying goodnight, and a story.

17. Use light to your advantage. Keep lights dim in the evening as bedtime approaches. In the morning, get your son into bright light, and, if possible, take him outside. Light helps signal the brain into the right sleep-wake cycle.

18. Monitor your son’s diet:

• Help him avoid sweets. Although sugar can give a burst of energy, it's short-lived and can cause uneven blood sugar levels. This can disrupt sleep in the middle of the night as blood sugar levels fall.
• Look for hidden sources of caffeine such as chocolate, cough and cold medicine, and other over-the-counter medicine.
• Help him eat foods that facilitate sleep. Tryptophan is an amino acid that is a precursor to serotonin, which is then converted to melatonin. Carbohydrate snacks such whole grain crackers before bedtime may help to promote sleep. Just be sure to stay away from sweets.
• Have him eat magnesium-rich foods. Magnesium is a natural sedative. Deficiency of magnesium can result in difficulty sleeping, constipation, muscle tremors or cramps, anxiety, irritability, and pain. It has also been use for people with restless leg syndrome. Foods rich in magnesium are legumes and seeds, dark leafy green vegetables, wheat bran, almonds, cashews, blackstrap molasses, brewer's yeast, and whole grains.

19. Consider using some relaxation techniques. Relaxation techniques are one of the most effective ways to increase sleep time, fall asleep faster, and feel more rested in the morning. They require a minimum of 20 minutes before going to bed.

20. Consider sleep meds if the problem persists (e.g., Valerian, Melatonin, Kava).

Re: Stealing other people's stuff…

1. Avoid a long grounding sentence. Jail does not reform hardened criminals, and grounding will probably not reform your Aspergers child.

2. Be a good role model. Children learn by watching their parents. You should show concern about the property rights of others. A parent who brings office supplies home or boasts about a mistake at the supermarket checkout counter, teaches his child that honesty is not important.

3. Do not tempt him to lie his way out of it by asking questions like, “Did you get this from our bedroom?” … “Why did you take that?” … “Where did you find this?”

4. Don't ask your son for explanations. Merely state that he is not allowed to take things from other people. Do not sermonize. Just use simple explanations. "Stealing is wrong. You would not want anyone to take your stuff. So it's wrong for you to take other’s stuff."

5. Don't overreact. When a child steals it does not mean that he is a thief or is headed for a life of crime. It is really no different than any of mistake that your child makes. Losing your temper will not help, and may even act as a reward for him.

6. If he steals money from you, estimate how much he took and make it clear that he must pay you back. He may do this by helping around the house for money. You should pay him enough that he pays off his debt in about a month. Don't leave money around where your son can find it. Tell his siblings that you are going to watch their money for a while. Don't tell them why.

7. Never imply that your son is bad. Stealing is bad, not the child. Do not call your son a thief, dishonest, or a liar or any other name that you do not want him to become. When you give your child a label, he will grow to fill that label.

8. Once it is over, get over it. Get back into reward mode. Look for the things your son is doing right, not wrong – and work hard at reinforcing honesty. It is the stealing that is the enemy, not your son.

9. Watch your son – not to catch him being bad, but to catch him being good. Reward and praise the little acts of honesty that you see. All of this promotes a culture of honesty in the home.

10. Your main emphasis needs to be on promoting honesty. Use every day events, such as stories from television or school, as a starting point for talking about honesty, integrity, and family morals. At the same time, model it yourself.

Re: Defiance…

The most important way to help a defiant child is to become aware of his underlying insecurities and vulnerabilities and be as soothing as possible. Underneath the child's defiance is his inability to let you know directly how much he needs you and how much he depends on you for comfort and security. The only response he knows is to act defiantly. Therefore, you want to first gain your son's trust and confidence and somehow slip under his defiance so that you can offer him what he needs.

The defiant child, with his constant need to be the boss and his ongoing power struggles with you, makes life more difficult. Yet, it is crucial to remember that this child is just as prone to being overwhelmed and overloaded as the highly sensitive child. The defiant child uses bossiness and defiance in an attempt to feel secure. To protect himself, he shuts out part of the world - including his parents at times. Your goal is to provide tender, loving care in spite of his negativity and defiance.

At first, such a child may not trust you completely. He is not sure whether your attempts to soothe will be comforting or upsetting. He is so accustomed to taking charge, and so fearful of intrusions, that he feels he can trust only himself. You have to convince him that you can be comforting. Approach him slowly. Make sure your movements and voice tone are as relaxing to him as possible.

Firm limits also need to be implemented. Being empathetic doesn't mean always giving your son what he wants. But when he is being refused another helping of ice cream, or punished for kicking his sister or cussing-out his mother, the limit setting needs to be done in a firm but very gentle manner. Gentle limits coupled with empathy and flexibility will gradually help your son be less critical of you and himself.

Also, a defiant child can learn to choose certain physical activities to decrease his oversensitivity and overload (e.g., jumping with joint compression, large muscle movements, rhythmic actions in space like swings or spinning games).

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COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said... Almost identical behavior but at age 19. It got pretty scary. So here what we did. Physiatrist, who prescribed cymbalta and intunive for anxiety and ADHD. take him to therapist and a Speech therapist once per week and have enrolled him in Kung fu. Still has problems but most of the scary stuff is gone.
•    Anonymous said... Been there too. My son turns11 NXT month, he had the most problems where trying to treat ADD . After almost a year after diagnosis. I told them that the things I read on there mad Aspergers worse. That it did. I could tell you toe cuing stories.
•    Anonymous said... Dropped off add med and only on ridperdol. The stories I could tell, I don't think the hospital would be good. We have had a hard 3 years. One day at school o heard sr little girl said Landon and he shouldn't ' brag about being so mark.? You know when they are on these space ship thing about doing complicated issues.? Does your son ypvll
•    Anonymous said... Firstly deep breath - you have one diagnosis. My son has Asperger's and ADHD. Have you considered an ADHD assessment? Next, remove everything breakable from his room. And I mean everything. Strong rules and order now have to be the order of the day. He is not allowed to take others' stuff or there will be consequences. Try melatonin to help him sleep at night. Remember aspergers makes people very tired - esp in the afternoon. It's a fight andc struggle and I feel for you. But be firm. You will get there. Much love and hugs xx
•    Anonymous said... I BEG you to start him on the "fail safe " diet compiled by Sue Dengate and her Huband Howard. She is a dietician and he is a biochemist. They really know there stuff. I found out my son has ASD at the age of 4. I have had him on this diet since. He is the model child, until I decide to take him off it, or give him a treat outside of the diet, then the whole world pays for my mistake. He gets suspended from school, he hurts people... Including me. He smashes things to cause distress and watched it unfold. Please I beg you try it, be strict with it and your life will change beyond what you could imagine. By the way my son is now 15 and at the time when I should be frightened of his power, he is a loving boy... He lies, and hides things still, but he doesn't hurt people.
•    Anonymous said... I cried for first year or so. The DR said that you have to be able to grieve. Not that's it's a bad thing just not what kinda life he would. I had one or two seasons of team sports until he got tired or seone got the ball. The final straw was when he was made and there was no way he was leaving the dug out. Archery is only sport he likes. I homey son for last year. He does so much better. He get 100 on every thing. I'm second grade he was reading on 7 Tj grade level.? The computer does everything at your chosen. There are even public schools on a virtually public class. We have been cussed, hit, spit, told to hell. I know how you feel. You could spank an asperger child till your arm feel off and it only things it's violence to h.
2 years ago and I was devastated. Please feel free to tx me any time. They dr
•    Anonymous said... I have a 13 yr old daughter that is the same way. We have in home therapy a behavior specialist and mobile therapist and after a few years things have gotten better. She still blows up and curses but now I have the tools from therapy to deal with her. I think he needs medication and need a to be in therapy. He needs your help he isn't acting out on purpose to hurt you he cant control it. Sending him away isn't going to help unless you are giving up. Then he would be better off someplace else. Believe me we have been through hell and back and our daughter didnt ask to be born this way but its our job and responsibility as a parent to help our kids and do whatever it takes. Good luck
•    Anonymous said... I have a friend who has a son with aggressive Asperger's tendencies like that and she recently chose to have him enter a program at her state's mental hospital after so much gut wrenching nail biting worry and fear that it was the wrong thing. Well turned out to be the right thing to do. He has been helped tremendously through the program and has been discharged and able to come back home after only a few weeks of in-hospital therapy. You really need to research and ask questions and take a tour of the facilities and find out for yourself about the help a mental institution can provide before you write it off as a cruel and unloving thing to do. It is not. It is extremely hard and such a personal decision for a family to make but it can make worlds of difference, for the better. The tools they can give you are invaluable and psychology has come a very, VERY long way since Freud. So many improvements have been made over the last 10 years alone! So give it a try, do your research on it and don't reject the idea based on common public fear/misperception.
•    Anonymous said... I never knew ! So glad you seem to be coming through what must have been a nightmare for you and the family
•    Anonymous said... Melatonin will help with the sleep, which might improve behavior during the day.
•    Anonymous said... Melatonin works to help my son sleep (thank goodness). It helps them fall asleep (just not stay asleep) so anywhere from 5am onwards he is awake. But at least he goes to sleep earlier (and we get to have a break)
•    Anonymous said... my 13 Year old is a slob but he will loose his gaming pc if he is a slob. Do you punish him? because all you wrote is what bad stuff he does, and no consequences for his actions? If there are no consequences why would he improve and behave properly? He stays up late or all night, it doesnt matter to me as long as he gets his online school done. Some people are just night people. He is a gentleman I dont have to ask him to unload the car he comes out when he hears me pull up. I have to remind him daily to take out the trash he never complains. I remind him to shower like once a week and he says yes ma'am. So yes I am on him all the time but he also will loose his gaming pc which he lives for if he was anything less then a helpful family member or gentleman
•    Anonymous said... My Aspie was in Behavioral Therapy for awhile. Now it's mainly just school therapies and he's on meds. He takes Concerta, Guanfacine/Tenex, Ability and Depakote. We work closely with his doctor to monitor the medication and his lab tests. He is on the honor roll in the 6th grade. Every year gets better.
•    Anonymous said... oh you poor people I know your pain with my aggressive over-sized aspie, take time out to nurture yourselves, cbt is helping my boy no end, and if your aspie has a high iq try reasoning with him over his behaviour, sometimes (more than half the time, this is winning for me) I can simply say, 'but you're more intelligent than that my love' and he knows he is, time, patience and love, lots and lots of love… please don't send him away though, my poor boy was subject to violence and abuse at his special school, he now has to go through a healing process for that as well as accepting he's different
•    Anonymous said... To all of you who posted, no matter the advice, I wish I could give you a medal and a giant hug for what you go through to care for your children. We've been told Aspie for our son, but our challenges are minute upon reflection. You are my heroes. Keep being brave strong mommies.
•    Anonymous said... Try giving the melatonin a few hours before bed time. I know my son is worse if he has had a bad sleep.
•    Anonymous said... We too can relate and as he gets set the disrespect has escalated... We did residential years ago and it was just a bandage for a deeper problem and old habits came up
•    Anonymous said... Well I am sure you have tried everything but just in case, avoid confrontations and try to get along side him more, join in whatever he is interested in and find acceptable ways to encourage what he enjoys, say if it is collecting and he is inappropriately collecting the wrong things ...like others belongings....watch him carefully and try to find what kind of things he likes collecting and see if you can legitimize that.......ignore his bad language or what ever but reward him when he is being more polite. Work hard on keeping your approach positive where ever you can and eventually he may begin to copy your attitude and be less confrontational.
•    Anonymous said... Yes, he can't help it, make sure he feels your love, tell him you will love him no matter what. Back off punishments. Medication can really help. Have you tried melatonin for sleep? Sleep is key. Well done for asking for more help .. Keep looking it is out there. Xx
•    Anonymous said... you must grieve. It's very important. My son is now 16 and finally a success story in the making. We were like you - honestly we were. You can do this. He needs you and you love him xx
•    Anonymous said…  Anxiety is a huge trigger. Often these kids, like mine who is 18 now, lack the emotional maturity to express themselves. Everything you said here I've been through & some. Maturity helps as does letting go of SOME expectations. And not inflating our own reactions...as that often makes a bad situation worse. We toyed with residential care but $$ stopped us. I'm glad it did. I think he's better for being home with parents willing to stick it out even when he was at his worst. I know every situation is different & nobody here would judge you if you went that direction...but know that you're not alone. Also, I ditto medication. Rx'd right, it can really settle the flare ups. Good luck.
•    Anonymous said…  Aperges is an attention seeking illness with many autistic traits and tantrums thrown in. We want to fall down,cry and admit defeat. Get fustrated with them, scream and shout. I've found time out from each other and detailed explanations till they understand helps. Keep yourself as calm as you can at all times. Listen and explain. Pm for more or my number. Mine is now 18 xx
•    Anonymous said…  Could be his aspergers behaviors are heightened because he's been so stressed out for years without parents having a proper diagnosis or services. So, not entirely the child's or the parent's fault.
•    Anonymous said…  Don't give up. Dig deeper to find root cause. The world is so stressful to these kids, they need a home place to always feel accepted and loved...a place to unwind and Reba lancet. I see lots of good advice here. Parents should seek therapist specialized in thid area as well.
•    Anonymous said…  For my son the most important changes have been acceptance for who he is, connection, trust and unconditional love. The book will help you change the way you view your son and interact with him.
•    Anonymous said… he may be aspbergers OCD, add, defiant disorder etc ( not say is just an example) but you should start with the worst diagnosis get help for him and yourself and family. They will help child give support for you and help for the family. Try autism center as they lump most of it together CHOP if you have has a program. We also have another group here called child Guidence resource group that helps. Friendship circle see if they can help after you get him some help. Melotonin is a must if not sleeping not enough sleep aggravates everything else.
•    Anonymous said…  He needs to have support, as well as yourself, from specialists. A psychologist and a paediatrician for meds if needed, melatonin for sleep and strategies for coping. Then they will guide you where to go from there. There are support services out there and they can help you find them.
•    Anonymous said…  I have a 11 year old son. He also has AS and there are days that he has his meltdowns, doesn't listen, doesn't sleep and then there are days he is so mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted he crashes and sleeps for 12 to 14 hours. First you need to take him to a psychiatrist and they can put him on medication and let him put him in a behavioral hospital to get him the help he needs, and ten you need to get him into with a therapist.
•    Anonymous said…  I have a 13 yo that loves computers and doesn't have a ton of friends. Inbox me if you want a pen pal for him. Every kid needs at least one friend  😉
•    Anonymous said…  I know you must be feeling overwhelmed yourself at his new diagnosis and probably don't know much yet about how to interpret your son's needs from his actions. Please avoid putting him in residential care. That is usually the wrong course to take with a child with Asperger's and gives them a huge sense of rejection by their family. He may need meds, but meltdowns and acting out are very often caused by sensory overload and/or feeling overwhelmed or unsafe in the environment. Aspies very often have strong sensory issues and it's important for the parent to learn about that and how it can easily throw them into meltdowns when their body feels overwhelmed.
•    Anonymous said…  I painted one wall of my son's room in blackboard paint when he was around 10, he used to write all kinds of nasty stuff on it, but that was ok, because I always felt it was better to be expressed without punishment in a safe space than for him to be struggling with intense feelings and having no outlet. My son was bullied in school and was also abused by teachers as I later found out. At the time I was at my wits end, worried about him harming myself or his sister and fully expecting him to be going to prison as soon as he was old enough, his meltdowns were awful and destructive (as the holes in my doors and walls will testify) After I got to the bottom of what was causing him to behave so awfully (his extreme anxiety and feeling like he had no control over anything in his life) I changed the way I managed him. I started to talk to him like an adult, and when he kicked off I'd calmly ask him if he really believed I deserved to be spoken to or treated like that? The logical approach worked, eventually, he is a different person now, and I'm so glad I never sent him away, because had I done that he would have never trusted me again
•    Anonymous said…  I'm not sure it's helpful to assign blame. The many ways problems develop within families doesn't often lead back to any particular cause. Most problems simply aren't wearhoused within an individual.
•    Anonymous said…  Learning about challenges of an 11-year-old's behaviors is helpful. The foul language, disrespect, lying, and stealing paint a picture of his struggles. However, these kinds of behavior do not develop and are not maintained in a vacuum. To understand and address these kinds of difficult child behaviors, you have to better understand the environments in which they are expressed. You can't address family dysfunction through the child.
•    Anonymous said…  Look into ABA programs in your area. Also research social stories . They have been really helpful for us. I always say the diagnosis explains the behaviour but it's not an excuse .. don't be afraid to set clear boundaries and consequences for negative behaviour ... and reward the positive behaviour like crazy ... even if it's only brief .
•    Anonymous said…  Melatonin 6mg...its natural and it helps my son with sleep issues
•    Anonymous said…  My 5 year old does all this and is very very aggressive. He jumped out of a moving car the other day. Refuses too wear a seat belt. Smashes furniture swears spits the list is endless.I'm at breaking point. Residential care is not the answer. My hearts breaks that ppl are willing too even think about giving up on their child.
•    Anonymous said…  My son is 16. He was diagnosed with Aspergers this year. Unfortunately, my son got involved in drugs & alcohol. We sent him to a wilderness therapy & then transferred him to a therapeutic boarding school. Not much has changed with him, I'm sorry to say. The therapist tells us it takes time. It also takes A LOT of money! I hope & pray it all works out for your child.
•    Anonymous said…  Praise praise praise him when he is being well behaved or does something that deserves praise...every little thing. Ignore the bad behaviour but when he is calm tell him it isn't appropriate. REWARD him as well for the things he does that are good  :)
•    Anonymous said…  Residential care is not the way to go. It's rough, not going to lie but I have decided to stop wishing my son was different, trying to make him "normal", etc etc. I've decided to put the focus on myself and my reactions, and have been working on acceptance. He is on his computer all the time but he is talented in that area so I try not to make such an issue of it anymore. I tell him I'm proud of him often. I found that by changing myself, his behavior has changed. Not perfect and still bad days but he's 15 and I haven't seen a meltdown in a long time. His grades are less than desirable and he has no friends but he is content. It's a hard road but you can do this!
•    Anonymous said…  See if you can get wrap around services in the home. Anxiety is a bigger trigger than you may think. My son is 11 and on adhd meds and that helps as well. It slows down his impulsivity and gives him a second to consider his actions.
•    Anonymous said…  Seroquel, and especially Seroquel XR, works wonders. Unfortunately, Seroquel XR is not yet generic. There are other relatives to this medication. A psychiatrist can choose the best one.
•    Anonymous said…  Several posts regarding children and families struggling with a cluster of symptoms related to ASD, ADHD, and anxiety. For anxious children with ADHD who fail to respond to stimulant medication it is worth exploring with the child's prescribing physician what influence, if any, psychostimulants might have in exacerbating their anxiety. Anxiousness can look an awful lot like ADHD. Attention problems can look an awful lot like anxiousness. Trauma can look an awful lot like anxiousness and attention problems. To complicate matters, all three can be present simultaneously or in any combination. To further complicate matters, poor sleep can look like anxiousness and attention problems and can be the result of trauma. So, if a child has not responded as expected it is worth exploring whether or not the symptoms being addressed are the symptoms that underlie the problems.
•    Anonymous said…  Start by realizing he has about as much control over his actions as you do. Blaming and critical opinion will not set him 'straight' or make him easier to communicate or reason with. 11 years is a long time to go without a diagnosis. There is a world of help at your feet now that you finally have one, make some calls, get occupational therapy to your home. Praise for good behavior does not always work. My son found it patronizing and embarassing. High praise made him shut down the good feeling moment. Often found an unremarkable thumbs up or a simple, "cool" worked great.
•    Anonymous said…  The diagnosis for us was a blessing. It gave us the chance to start new. Once we knew my son had ASD, I invested in a good psych and read lots. When i realised why all the common parenting strategies didn't work and learnt what did, life changed. It's still a roller coaster but at least now we have more ups and downs and when it's down, i know that it will turn around again soon. I hope for you that this to becomes a blessing and your family receives support and love.
•    Anonymous said…  These are all signs of ODD. An indepth mental health assessment may be in order to see if there are also any other coexisting issues. These are not asd behaviours as such but learnt behaviours stemming from other issues possibly at home/school.
•    Anonymous said…  This is the best advice I've seen in a long time.
•    Anonymous said…  What medications do you use? I've battled with meds for my son ... opens doors to other problems.
•    Anonymous said…  With the correct psychiatrist and the correct meds (administered faithfully - and don't ever let the school do it) and, if possible, a specialist school....miracles can happen. Really!
 
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Aspergers/HFA Students and School Anxiety

"Help! My 9 y.o. Aspergers son is suffering real bad anxiety trying to get back into the routine of school after the Christmas holidays. He is crying on and off all day at school and bedtimes, finding it hard to sleep and again crying. I feel so helpless that I can't do anything for him. Any advice would be greatly appreciated."

Aspergers (high functioning autism) children of all ages commonly experience school anxiety (i.e., school-related stress). This is often most apparent at the end of summer when school is about to start again, but it can occur year-round. This post explains school anxiety – and what can be done to help the Aspergers child become more relaxed and confident.

Social Stressors—

Many Aspergers children experience some level anxiety in social situations they encounter in school. While some of these issues provide important opportunities for growth, they must be handled with care:

• Bullies— Many schools now have anti-bullying programs and policies. Though bullying does still happen at many schools, even those with these policies, help is generally more easily accessible than it was years ago. The bad news is that bullying has gone high-tech. Many children use the Internet, cell phones and other media devices to bully other children, and this type of bullying often gets very aggressive. One reason is that bullies can be anonymous and enlist other bullies to make their target miserable. Another reason is that they don't have to face their targets, so it's easier to shed any empathy that they may otherwise feel.

• Peers— While most children would say that friends are one of their favorite aspects of school, they can also be a source of stress. Concerns about not having enough friends, not being in the same class as friends, not being able to keep up with friends in one particular area or another, interpersonal conflicts, and peer pressure are a few of the very common ways children can be stressed by their social lives at school. Dealing with these issues alone can cause anxiety in even the most secure children.

• Educators— A good experience with a caring teacher can cause a lasting impression on a youngster's life -- so can a bad experience. While most educators do their best to provide children with a positive educational experience, some children are better suited for certain teaching styles and classroom types than others. If there's a mismatch between student and teacher, a youngster can form lasting negative feelings about school or his own abilities.

Scheduling Stressors—

Many grown-ups find themselves overwhelmingly busy these days—work hours are getting longer, vacations are shortened or skipped, and people find themselves with little down time. Sadly, our children are facing similar issues. Here are some of the main scheduling stressors they face:

• Lack of Family Time— Due in part to the busyness of children’ lives and the hectic schedules of most moms and dads, the sit-down family dinner has become the exception rather than the rule in many households. While there are other ways to connect as a family, many families find that they’re too busy to spend time together and have both the important discussions and the casual day recaps that can be so helpful for children in dealing with the issues they face. Due to a lack of available family time, many moms and dads aren't as connected to their children, or knowledgeable about the issues they face, as they would like.

• Not Enough Sleep— According to a poll on this site, a large proportion of readers aren't getting enough sleep to function well each day. Unfortunately, this isn't just a problem that grown-ups face. As schedules get busier, even young children are finding themselves habitually sleep-deprived. This can affect health and cognitive functioning, both of which impact school performance.

• Over-scheduling— Much has been said in the media lately about the over-scheduling of our children, but the problem still continues. In an effort to give their children an edge, or to provide the best possible developmental experiences, many moms and dads are enrolling their children in too many extra-curricular activities. As children become teens, school extracurricular activities become much more demanding. College admissions standards are also becoming increasingly competitive, making it difficult for college-bound high school children to avoid over-scheduling themselves.

Academic Stressors—

Not surprisingly, much of the stress of school is related to what children learn and how they learn it. The following are some of the main sources of academic stress for Aspergers children:

• Homework Problems— Children are being assigned a heavier homework load than in past years, and that extra work can add to a busy schedule and take a toll.

• Learning Styles Mismatch— You may already know that there are different styles of learning -- some learn better by listening, others retain information more efficiently if they see the information written out, and still others prefer learning by doing. If there's a mismatch in learning style and classroom, or if your youngster has a learning disability (especially an undiscovered one), this can obviously lead to a stressful academic experience.

• Test Anxiety— Many of us experience test anxiety, regardless of whether or not we're prepared for exams. Unfortunately, some studies show that greater levels of test anxiety can actually hinder performance on exams. Reducing test anxiety can actually improve scores.

• Work That's Too Easy— Just as it can be stressful to handle a heavy and challenging workload, some kids can experience stress from work that isn't difficult enough. They can respond by acting out or tuning out in class, which leads to poor performance, masks the root of the problem, and perpetuates the difficulties.

• Work That's Too Hard— There's a lot of pressure for children to learn more and more and at younger ages than in past generations. For example, while a few decades ago kindergarten was a time for learning letters, numbers, and basics, most kindergarteners today are expected to read. With test scores being heavily weighted and publicly known, schools and educators are under great pressure to produce high test scores; that pressure can be passed on to children.

Environmental Stressors—

Certain aspects of an Aspergers youngster's environment can also cause stress that can spill over and affect school performance. The following are some stressors that moms and dads may not realize are impacting their kids:

• Lack of Preparation— Not having necessary supplies can be a very stressful experience for a youngster, especially one who's very young. If a youngster doesn't have an adequate lunch, didn't bring her signed permission slip, or doesn't have a red shirt to wear on "Red Shirt Day," for example, she may experience significant stress. Younger children may need help with these things.

• Lack of Sleep— As schedules pack up with homework, extracurricular activities, family time and some “down time” each day, children often get less sleep than they need. Operating under a sleep deficit doesn’t just mean sleepiness, it can also lead to poor cognitive functioning, lack of coordination, moodiness, and other negative effects.

• Noise Pollution— Believe it or not, noise pollution from airports, heavy traffic, and other sources have been shown to cause stress that impacts children' performance in school.

• Poor Diet— With the overabundance of convenience food available these days and the time constraints many experience, the average youngster's diet has more sugar and less nutritious content than is recommended. This can lead to mood swings, lack of energy, and other negative effects that impact stress levels.

Signs of school anxiety in Aspergers kids include:

• Clinging behavior
• Difficulty going to sleep
• Exaggerated, unrealistic fears of animals, monster, burglars
• Excessive worry and fear about parents or about harm to themselves
• Fear of being alone in the dark
• Feeling unsafe staying in a room by themselves
• Headaches
• Lying
• Meltdowns
• Negative attitude
• Nightmares
• Refusing to go to school
• Severe tantrums when forced to go to school
• Shadow the mother or father around the house
• Stomachaches
• Withdrawal, regressive behavior, or excessive shyness

What Can Be Done To Reduce School Anxiety In Aspergers Students? 

Here are 12 important tips:

1. Understand the value of tears. Crying can be a great stress reliever. It flushes out bad feelings and eases tension. It's hard to see your Aspergers youngster crying, and your first instinct may be to help him stop as soon as possible. But after the tears have all come out, your youngster may be in a particularly open and receptive mood for talking and sharing. Provide a soothing and sympathetic presence, but let the crying run its course.

2. Set a regular time and place for talking with your Aspergers youngster, whether in the car, on a walk, during mealtimes, or just before bed. Some Aspies will feel most comfortable in a cozy private space with your undivided attention, but others might welcome some sort of distraction to cut the intensity of sharing their feelings.

3. Routines are good. They help alleviate stress. Establishing a regular bedtime, get-up time, and bath time is important at any age. It also helps children with Aspergers learn to develop routines themselves. Family meetings are important. At the beginning of school, set a weekly time to regroup and to talk about what's going on and how it will work: who gets the shower first, what time to set the alarm clocks for. Give everybody a chance to talk.

4. Resist the urge to fix everything. There are some instances in which moms and dads do have to take action. If your youngster is in a class that's too challenging, or is having trouble because an IEP isn't being followed, there are steps you can take. If a teacher or a classmate is truly harassing your youngster, you will want to follow up with that. But you'll also want to teach her that some things in life just have to be dealt with, even though they stink. Fix only what's really badly broken.

5. Know when to get help. Most kids experience school anxiety to some extent, and some feel it more deeply and disruptively. When does it become a big enough problem to require professional help? Some signs to look for are major changes in friendships, style of clothing, music preferences, sleeping and eating habits, attitude and behavior. If you've established a good rapport with your youngster and he suddenly doesn't want to talk, that's a sign of trouble as well.

6. Keep the lines of communication open. Let your Aspergers youngster know that he can always talk to you, no matter what. It's not always necessary even to have solutions to his problems. Sometimes just talking about things out loud with a trusted adult makes them seem less threatening. And if the situation does become overwhelming for your youngster, you want to be the first to know about it.

7. Do some role-playing. Once you have some concrete examples of anxiety-provoking events, help your youngster figure out an alternate way to deal with them. Discuss possible scenarios and play the part of your youngster in some role-playing exercises, letting him play the part of the demanding teacher or bullying classmate. Model appropriate and realistic responses and coping techniques for your youngster.

8. Be aware that all students feel anxiety about school, even the ones who seem successful and carefree. Knowing this won't lessen your youngster's anxiety, but it may lessen yours.

9. Ask, "What three things are you most worried about?" Making your request specific can help your youngster start to sort through a bewildering array of fears and feelings. If he's unable to name the things that are most worrisome, have him tell you any three things, or the most recent three things.

10. Ask, "What three things are you most excited about?" Most students can think of something good, even if it's just going home at the end of the day. But chances are your youngster does have things she really enjoys about school that just get drowned out by all the scary stuff. Bring those good things out into the light.

11. Acknowledge the problem. Does hearing, "Don't worry!" help when you're anxious about something? It probably doesn't comfort your youngster much, either. The most important thing you can do for a youngster experiencing school anxiety is to acknowledge that her fears are real to her. If nothing else, you'll ensure that she won't be afraid to talk to you about them.

12. When school anxiety persists, parents should consult with a qualified mental health professional who will work with them to develop a plan to immediately return the child to school and other activities. Refusal to go to school in the older Aspergers child or teen is generally a more serious illness, and often requires more intensive treatment.

More resources for parents of children and teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism:

==> Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums in Asperger's and HFA Children
==> Discipline for Defiant Asperger's and HFA Teens
==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management
==> Everything You'll Ever Need to Know About Parenting Asperger's Children
==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

How can I help my daughter understand her Aspergers brother?

Question

How can I help my daughter understand her brother with Aspergers?

Answer

Kids without Aspergers can have a difficult time understanding their Aspergers siblings. The Aspie seems smart, uses big words that are hard to comprehend, avoids hanging out with the family, and focuses all of his being on his special interest. In many ways, he is a stranger. He does not appear to be disabled; he just seems quirky and embarrassing. Children may need family pep talks and counseling to help them understand and cope with their Aspergers sibling’s condition.

Here some ideas to help your children understand their Aspie sibling:

• Allow your non-Aspergers kids to help your Aspie with his therapy. Nearly all therapies can be worked on at home for greater progress. Enlist the entire family and multiply your Aspie’s social interaction and progress on therapy goals.

• Aspergers support groups offer non-Aspergers siblings a chance to build friendships with other children living with a sibling with Aspergers.

• Celebrate your Aspie’s strengths. He is an intelligent individual with many strengths. Recognize these strengths as a family.

• Explain the condition to your kids without Aspergers. Give each youngster an opportunity to ask questions and make suggestions suitable for your family dynamics. Describe Aspergers as an obstacle to be tackled by the entire family. This will increase understanding and unity.

• Family counseling and individual counseling can help your “normal” kids learn to cope with the differences caused by Aspergers.

• Talk about your Aspie’s embarrassing characteristics and how your family can make things better. No youngster wants to be embarrassed by a sibling in front of his friends. Give your non-Aspergers kids the information they need so they know that your Aspie’s behavior is not personal and is not just bad behavior. Encourage them to dismiss this embarrassing behavior in the presence of friends while explaining his condition.

The Parenting Aspergers Resource Guide