Aspergers and Poor Personal Hygiene

A common behavior characteristic in Aspergers (high functioning autism) kids is the dislike of grooming and personal hygiene habits. "Aspies" of all ages seem to have difficulty establishing sound hygiene routines in the areas of bathing/showering, brushing hair, changing clothes, haircuts, cleaning teeth and washing hair.

Some Aspies tend to feel that showering or bathing isn't necessary. I remember asking my grandson with Aspergers if he was going to shower. He said “no” …he didn't have time for that. He then asked for an orange. I told him he could after he showered. That worked the ONE time. Then I started to find the peels and seeds in the shower. When I asked him about it, he said it was faster to do both at the same time.

The source of the problem stems mostly from the sensory sensitivities associated with Aspergers (particularly with tactile sensitivities) rather than from “laziness.” The nervous system of Aspies is always on high alert, and their brains interpret touch in unexpected ways (e.g., instead of being calmed by a gentle hug, they may become agitated or tense). Sometimes even anticipating being touched can trigger a meltdown in a child with Aspergers.

Here are some of the main reasons children with Aspergers seem to avoid practicing good personal hygiene:

• Using deodorant is potential area of discomfort for kids with Aspergers. The shock of the cold spray on their warm armpit coupled with the quite high-powered aerosol delivery causes genuine alarm and discomfort. Most deodorants are strongly scented, which also bombards a sensory sensitive Aspie.
• Some Aspies fear falling over if they shut their eyes, thus you can imagine the potential anxiety experienced by simply washing their face in the shower.
• Poor vestibular system functioning means Aspies often feel wobbly on their feet and suffer from gravitational insecurity (e.g., dislike of being upside-down, being suspended in mid-air or having their feet off the ground). Thus, the simple act of bending forward or backward over a sink or in the shower can create dizziness, anxiety or mild panic.
• Getting dressed and feeling comfortable in clothing is another area of distress for kids with Aspergers. Irritations can occur from loose fitting clothing touching the skin, tags or labels scratching, and clothes that are too stiff or too tight.
• Brushing teeth can be a challenge (e.g., not liking the taste of toothpaste, experiencing burning or stinging from it, having sensitive teeth and gums).
• Brushing hair or getting a haircut can be a challenge, because Aspies usually have very sensitive scalps.

Below are 20 tips to minimize the Aspergers child’s distress over grooming procedures:

1. Allow your Aspie to try several brands of toothpaste until he finds one he is comfortable with.

2. Be sure to put down a secure bath mat to prevent any slips on the wet floor when he’s done.

3. Being empathetic and talking with your Aspie about his discomfort in the grooming process will help him develop better personal hygiene habits.

4. Cut out tags and buy seamless socks and garments if your Aspergers child is sensitive to seams.

5. Experiment with unscented roll-on deodorants or natural crystal antiperspirant.

6. Get him into the habit of flossing, and if he has bad breath, have him gently scrape the back of his tongue with his toothbrush. Get a fun timer to help him brush longer, like a cool little hourglass filled with blue sand.

7. Goggles protect eyes from shampoo and water.

8. If your youngster finds a shirt that he is comfortable in, buy a couple in bigger sizes and put them away.

9. If your youngster has balance problems, consider a shower chair for use while washing hair.

10. Minimize temperature variations when bathing.

11. Provide a soft bristled electric toothbrush and bland tasting toothpaste.

12. Remind him not to touch his eyes or mouth or to pick his nose. Germs can easily enter the body through the mucous membranes of the eyes and through the nose and mouth.

13. Remind him to wash his hair if it looks oily, and teach him how to clean his face and under his nails.

14. Set up regular bath times. Many moms and dads find that evening baths are a nice way to relax their Aspergers youngster before bed. And bathing the night before can help ease the morning rush. Some Aspies prefer showers, which can also save a lot of time on a busy school night or morning. Showers can also save water.

15. Teach your child to wash his hands, especially after coming home from school or playing outside and before eating. Hand washing is, without a doubt, one of the best ways to prevent the spread of germs and illnesses.

16. Teach your child to cover sneezes and coughs. Germs can travel far and wide on a sneeze or a cough. Get him into the habit of covering his mouth and nose with a tissue (or his arm if he can’t reach a tissue fast enough) when he sneezes or coughs.

17. Try to keep your child’s hair and clothing fashionable (even if he doesn’t care, his peers do).

18. Use a 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner to reduce time spent in the shower.

19. Use simple clothing. Look for things like elastic waists, pullover shirts, Velcro fastenings and slip-on shoes.

20. Using visual reminders/timetables to encourage the completion of daily grooming tasks can be helpful in establishing good routines.

Whether your Asperger child is 4 or 24, personal hygiene and grooming may continue to cause distress through his sensory sensitivities. Being mindful of these sensitivities, and be prepared to compromise.

Highly Acclaimed Parenting Programs Offered by Online Parent Support, LLC:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said… My son just turned 14 and still fights having to bathe himself.
•    Anonymous said… My son would not be no trouble at all. He is turning 11 and I have to drag him to bathroom with my husband assist. Get him in the tub. He acts like we have a knife to cut his leg off or something. Then his mad because he has to use soap and wash every where. He says we are trying to make him blind as water gets in his eyes when trying to get water on his head to rinse. Teeth. I wish you could see his face. Such punishment! "Why do people brush their teeth !" " I do not have sugar bugs on my teeth. I find it difficult to get him to wash his hands after going to bathroom.  I'm sorry. I guess I'm not answering your question but it's nice to hear we aren't the only ones. DRAMA that is my house. The dentist keeps telling us he wants to pull a couple of teeth and place braces. Yeah that's I laugh. There aren't enough people there to hold him down. No laughing gas going to work there. It would be tramatic to everyone. He would not tolerate braces at this time.
•    Anonymous said… Totally agree with the above. It may take months, like in my 14 yr old sons case, but once its part of the routine there's no trouble at all.
•    Anonymous said… We had to make sure our son had showering, and brushing his teeth as part of his routine. Brushing his hair isn't much of an issue because he likes it fairly short. A light brushing in the morning before school is all that is needed. He's very good about making sure he brushes his teeth and puts on deodorant every morning because he knows it's in his routine.
•    Anonymous said…  My 18 yr old son showers about every 3rd day, but he doesn't leave his room to get dirty anyway. Luckily, he is obsessed with brushing his teeth smile emoticon and smelling nice! I just convinced him to get a haircut after 6 months & he is loving himself sick Lol My son responds well to scientific facts, so maybe you could tell him why maintaining good hygiene is important (using technical terms) smile emoticon
•    Anonymous said… Always been a problem. When my daughter encounters tangles in her hair it frustrates her into meltdowns.
•    Anonymous said… I was thinking my daughter was the only one that had this problem so I am so relieved to know it's not just me that has this problem with my Aspie's child.
•    Anonymous said… I went through the same stuff. My son is now almost 21 (next month) and he's showering, brushing, flossing and requesting to see the dentist and dermatologist all by himself. He still leans on me for a lot of things, but knows when his BO is getting whiffy and he showers. He started taking pride in his appearance etc about 2yrs ago. Better late than never! Just need to get him the right job...social anxiety is a pain!
•    Anonymous said… My son 15 had same issues, but with many talk, now he started to shower everyday , wash his hair ( he didn't like to wet his head) , and uses deodorant ( this i have to remind him everyday).
•    Anonymous said… My son is 11 and all hygiene is awful but getting better. We found trying to keep the same routine of showering/teeth brushing every day but I still have to constantly bug him about it.
•    Anonymous said… My Son is 14. When I ask him to have a shower, he asks "why do I need too". His tooth brushing is more like 2 seconds, than 2 minutes, so I'm glad I'm not alone xx
•    Anonymous said… My son was highly resistant to using deodorant for an extraordinarily long time. Eventually, through conversation, it turned out he had read the label (of course) where it indicated the product was 'highly flammable.' He understood this to mean he was at risk of combustion when he had the product on his skin. Switching to roll-ons made a difference, but it is still challenging.
•    Anonymous said… My sons the worst!! Seriously worried about it he is 9 at the moment and i have to talk him through every shower after the huge fight to even just get him in there.. i actually have to brush his teeth 4 him as he just cant do it right or refuses to..
•    Anonymous said… This makes me feel better!!! But, he has started brushing his hair in the morning!
•    Anonymous said… Ugh...my son's hair looks like a mop literally. Teeth..let's just say his gums are red and swollen. And nails, I am allowed to cut them once every 2 weeks when they are 1/2 inch long. His talons, aka toenails he rarely let's me .
•    Anonymous said… When I can get my son in the shower, he washes his hair, etc. fine, but getting him in there is a challenge. He doesn't see the need for personal hygiene like clean clothes, brushing his teeth, etc.
•    Anonymous said… When my daughter was younger she wouldn't want to get shower but within the past 2 years, age 15-16, she loves showering and putting on make up and doing her hair even though she doesn't like leaving the house.
•    Anonymous said… All of this def applies to my daughter and has done for many years, especially more so now as a teenager - she won't have a bath and has to have set times/days for a shower; hates brushing her teeth and hair brushing is just as bad as it was when she was little - you'd think I was killing her when brushing it! The hygiene 'monthly' is defiantly proving to be challenging at the moment
•    Anonymous said… been fighting for over a year. i know he has it. his father does and nobody diagnosed him. they just did ect treatments. and finally at 24 year old they diagnosed him. i know my son has it. so im still fighting for what he needs...its hard as im doing it alone with no support or guidance from anybody
•    Anonymous said… Don't give in to what the doctors tell you. It took 8 years to get the diagnosis for ASD for my son at the age of 12. Lots of Aspies don't like the sensation of water on their skin. Keep going.....
•    Anonymous said… I use to be obsessed will hygiene but then depression kicked my ass.
The reason most Aspies don't care though is because it's a waste of time. So is sleep. Sometimes so is eating. It just depends on what were obsessing over at the time.
•    Anonymous said… my son almost 4. he is obsessed with being clean and washed and constant fresh clothes and deordorant. only issue is rinsing hair after shampoo from shower. he has never been able to take a bath...flips out. i know he has aspergers....drs and specialists tell me im nuts.
•    Anonymous said… No mention of girls and their periods. That's our biggest challenge when it comes to hygiene.
•    Anonymous said… Period panties may be a good solution.
•    Anonymous said… Teeth brushing is the worst
•    Anonymous said… what if your child just simply refuses? My son is 16 now and taller than me. His personal hygiene is awful but if I bring it up it can produce a meltdown. I find it exasperating and quite frankly, depressing.
•    Anonymous said… Yep all 3 of my children have an aversion to teeth brushing and being clean in general.

Post your comment below…

How To Be Cool: 100 Tips For Aspergers Teens

Written by Nathan, a 17 year old Asperger's teen, as a project for his school newspaper:

Every "Aspie" (someone with high functioning autism) wants to be cool, yet most of us aren’t. But the truth is that there are no secrets to being cool; it's about who you are and how you behave. And there are things that you can do to bring out the cool in you.

Below are some tips that'll show you how to look and sound cool with your peers. Use them, and you'll transform yourself into one of the socially adept – and your buddies will look forward to hanging out with you.

1. Always remember that attitude is a key factor in how people look at you. Have a great personality: be talkative, nice, and have charisma!

2. Always remember, the first day of high school is the most crucial. First impressions are EVERYTHING! It's how people will perceive you, for a while at least, until they get to know you better, which will take time.

3. For Aspie girls, don't wear make-up JUST BECAUSE the other girls do. Only wear a style of makeup (bold, natural, etc.) if you love the way it looks on you! Just don't go too overboard.

4. Associate with cool people. This one's a no-brainer. If you're always bringing losers to the group, you'll soon be labeled a loser as well. On the other hand, if you're known for bringing cool people around, your coolness factor will skyrocket.

5. Avoid being a bully and avoid becoming the victim of one. Don't be mean to other people in your school just to make yourself seem cooler. In fact, people generally hate bullies. Also, don't let bullies push you around. It's easier said than done, but in school, using your sense of humor and good social tactics are important.

6. Be a good conversationalist. Everyone loves someone who knows what to say at the right moment. Most of the time, it is much better to be sort of quiet and analyze the conversation, enjoying the humor of your friends. Then wait for the right moment to make a comment, usually to great result. However, if you come up into the middle of a quiet group of people, it is better to take a different approach. Be playful! Joke around with them. Making fun of people is fine, but make sure that you know the limits on it and that the people you're around are the kind of people who know you're kidding.

7. Be aware of how others will perceive you. There's a difference in letting people's judgments affect your self esteem, and being aware of how you come off to others. What you are really doing is being aware of how you look from another person's perspective. In terms of physical appearance: beware of food getting stuck in your teeth, bad breath, body odor, toilet paper stuck to your shoe, etc. In terms of composure: try not to stare too much (it makes people uncomfortable), stand/sit up straight (it makes you look and feel more confident), smile generously, be polite and considerate, etc. Definitely be aware of your body language at all times; analyzing body language can be a useful tool in knowing how to present your cool self.

8. Be fit, clean, and smell good. The first two are compulsory. Brush your teeth, exercise, etc. The third, you don't have to smell nice, just don't smell at all. Deodorant and a bit of perfume over that is good. Not too much. Or just deodorant. Just don't smell bad. It will make your rating go way down.

9. Be friendly and be nice to people. Say hi to people, especially if you make eye contact and they look like they're expecting a greeting, and be friendly with your teachers too.

10. Don’t be excessively eager. Everyone loves someone who is outgoing, but nobody likes someone who is overly excited. Many people find someone who is overeager to be annoying. Try not to force yourself on people. Smile and strike up a conversation, but make sure you know the line between friendly and obsessive.

11. Be funny. I'm not talking about telling knock-knock jokes or being a clown. But if you've got a sense of humor, let it rip (a little). You want to be funny, but you don't need to be the sole source of amusement. There's a balance. And please, when you tell a good joke, just bask in that accomplishment. Don't muddy the waters by going on and on -- you'll just kill it.

12. Be independent. You don't need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be cool. Only go out with someone if you actually like each other, don’t just find a boyfriend/girlfriend who is popular, so you will seem cooler. Love isn't about popularity. Actually if you become close friends with a guy/girl then it might even be more fun going to dances, hanging out, you don't exactly NEED to be in love. If you have a secret crush, try getting really close to them then eventually they might even fall for you too!

13. Be knowledgeable. Ignorance is never bliss. Guys like to have a buddy who knows a thing or two, especially about a range of subjects, from picking up women to current events to wines. But don't overdo it. Drop your knowledge when asked, otherwise you'll look like a showoff, and that is not cool.

14. Be mysterious. Nobody wants to read an open book, so if you tell all, others probably won't be that interested in you. Hold something back, and you'll leave everyone wanting more.

15. Be open-minded. This is very vital. Some people have different opinions and tastes so don't go gossiping about them just because they don't agree with you.

16. Be prepared to put your own foibles in the spotlight. Good comedians tend to use themselves as the principal target for humor, presumably because they know their own foibles so well, but also because it is a means by which they show others the warts-and-all side of their personality which instantly connects with our own warts-and-all side. We all spend so much time trying to be better people, often trying to smother up unpleasant truths about our appearance/abilities/thoughts, etc., that it's great to use humor to release the tension this brings about, to let out a collective sigh of relief that we're all in this crazy rat race together, all feeling the same inadequacies and all thinking the same thoughts about things that bug us.

17. Be the prince of cool. All of these tips will help you be a cool guy around your friends, and you should try to incorporate them into who you are. Your objective should be to try to become the next King Of Cool. But no matter what you do, don't try too hard. Being cool is often an effortless behavior for those who are cool, so don't overdo it.

18. Be who you really are. Don't try too hard to get others to notice you.

19. Be yourself. Don't try to be like anyone else. Live life for who you are. Don't lose sight of yourself or your morals. Being cool isn't about changing who you are …it’s about being confident enough to let people see how awesome you really are.

20. Being cool often means being funny. Tell jokes that make people laugh.

21. Bend rules don't break them. If you're cool, you're a winner. You are not some deluded potato head who values your life above others. You realize rules and laws exist for good reason or because someone in authority thinks they are a good idea. Nonetheless you realize breaking laws or rules is never an option. But bending is.

22. Broaden your factual knowledge or joke material. It is much easier to find funny moments in material you know well – your attitudes, your amazing knowledge of 17th century poetry, your familiarity with fishing trips that went wrong, etc. Whatever the material, though, it also needs to resonate with your friends, meaning that your concise ability to deconstruct a 17th century poem might not hit its mark with somebody not familiar with the piece! As a general rule, people who are very focused on one hobby, occupation, or sitcom can be very funny to other people who are also wrapped up in that particular pursuit. When they try to be funny around people who are not "in the loop," however, their humor often falls flat. In other words, they may come off as "geeks" or "nerds."

23. Don't be a bad mouth. Gossiping about people will only make them hate you.

24. Don't be a downer. If you're in a bad mood, consider staying home.

25. Don't be afraid to be different, whether that means standing up for yourself, defending someone else, or taking interest in something that no one else does, like playing an instrument. The coolest people are the ones who occasionally break against the tide and make people question the status quo. Insecure people will, at times, become jealous of you. These people will try to get to you, in an attempt to take the attention off of you and bestow it upon themselves. The important thing to remember is not to smile in weakness, just ignore them. Not as if you didn't hear your antagonist, but casually and conversationally disregard their remarks.

26. Don't be fake. One thing a lot of kids hate or like is being fake. Think about it. If you have a good friend that is not exactly popular, don't ditch him/her for some fake show-off that fills the hallways of school getting attention for having too much make-up. Maybe that friend that you just gave up on would have been your best friend! People can tell if you're fake or not. Just because someone is popular doesn't mean they are fake. Look at people from the inside.

27. Don't be the last person to leave a party. If that's you, you're probably the annoying one in the group. Just like with being funny, it's important to leave on a high note. If you overstay your welcome, you may not be invited back.

28. Don't bring anything inappropriate to school (e.g., drugs, weapons, ect.).

29. Don't broadcast your weaknesses. Every guy has a weakness, but you don't need to broadcast it. If you do, you'll likely make yourself and your weakness the target of group jokes. If you're sensitive about something, keep it to yourself.

30. Don't care so much about what others think of you. We will always, on some level, be concerned with others' opinions of ourselves, but realize that ultimately, you will never be able to please everyone. Try hard, but don't be so concerned with judging yourself or being judged by others. People have millions of ways to get under your skin. Learn to spot them and become immune. Be happy with yourself and do what you enjoy.

31. Don't copy the people you think are cool because the idea is to be a trend-setter, not a trend-copier!!

32. Don't ever talk back to teachers. It is disrespectful, makes you look bad, and they will watch you from then on.

33. Don't lose your cool... ever. Nobody wants to see their friend freak out. Bad things will happen and you should react, but you don't have to lose it. Keep your composure at all times.

34. Don't overcall. If you're always calling your friends, you're calling too much. There's no perfect ratio, but you should probably call your friends less often than they call you. That way, you'll be in high demand.

35. Don't try to be a bad-ass or a tough guy. That will spoil your image in school.

36. Don't use bad behavior to get attention. There are many young people that take up smoking, drinking, bullying, and other bad habits. Why? Most often, this comes from negative reinforcement. After doing something bad, a person may be "rewarded" with attention. "I can't believe he did that!" people will say. It is easy to misinterpret attention as popularity, even if it's for doing something wrong. If you want to be cool, you need to know your limits. You should never substitute negative attention for really being cool. Most of the time, the people who have bragging competitions about law-breaking and bonging beer do not fit into the category of cool. If a group of people doesn't like you for who you are and the lifestyle you've chosen, move on.

37. Don't walk - don't run - just glide like a 747. While others on the street may choose to walk at a zombie pace and others may choose to walk so fast it's hard to decipher whether they are walking or running you just glide. Your posture is exceptional and you are cool calm and collected thus you glide when seen in public walking from place to place.

38. Dress how you want. As long as your personality shines through, you can wear whatever you like. Guys have been known to get girlfriends even though they wear sweats all the time. That is definitely an affirmation of coolness. Being cool despite wearing something people generally make fun of.

39. If you don’t feel comfortable dressing how you want, then dress well. People don't like hanging out with slobs. No, you don't have to wear a suit to hang out with the guys, but always look presentable and sharp. Remember: We're initially judged on appearances, so always try to look your best.

40. Feel good about yourself. You may want to fit in and be cool at the moment, but later will you feel good about it? These are questions you need to ask yourself before making a decision. Just because you look cool, doesn't mean you will feel good later. You can still fit in and feel okay later on. I promise. Know that being cool doesn't necessarily mean you'll be with the "in" crowd. Everyone has their crowd, just make sure you like yours and you'll be fine.

41. Find real friends. For example, if people don't hang out with you because you don't wear designer clothes, they are not real friends. Instead, find friends that see you for who you are. If the people standing in front of you can't see you for you, then how can they be your friend?

42. Focus on the benefits of being funny. From a motivational point of view, as you travel along the path to becoming funnier, it is helpful to understand the extensive benefits of being a funny person.

43. Have a nice girlfriend (preferably good looking). A nice girlfriend will always make you a valued guy to be around. Why? Well, a nice girlfriend will probably have nice female friends. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out why your friends might like to hang around a guy who knows lots of women.

44. Have a nice hairstyle. Try a buzz cut or laxer flow if you're a boy, side-bangs if you're a girl. Straightening or perming your hair is also very cute! Or at least find a cute hairstyle that fits your face, and your fashion.

45. Have a purpose when you call somebody. Don't call just to chat. Keep phone calls brief. Call once. Leave a message, but only if you need to. If they don't return the call, don't call them back unless it's an emergency. For example, if you're making plans for a party and want to include them, but they don't call you back, it's their loss. You shouldn't have to run after them.

46. Have faith and confidence, be happy with who you are and be yourself.

47. Have your own sense of style. Discover the clothes you prefer/like to wear and create your style. Wear those clothes to school and be unique, but try to know what's fashionable and be up-to-date! Be ahead of the pack. Be a leader, not a follower; that what makes you cool. Don't worry about the people who judge you about your clothing. Hang out with friends who like your personality, sense of fashion, etc.

48. If you are a total newcomer to a particular group, try to find people who have similar interests to your own, which will provide an easy icebreaker conversation. Being new is a benefit, because (unless you were very popular at your old school) you'll have a whole new, fresh start and a chance to get a new identity.

49. If you want to become cool, don't change anything about you. Then you'll just be faking who you are, and then people won't know the real you, which turns into a disaster.

50. If you're a girl, always wear a bit of jewelry. A pretty necklace or even a simple bracelet will do! Even wearing one of those rubber hair bands on your wrist gives a cool impression, I've noticed. If your school has strict rules, maybe a slightly fancy watch would do. Nothing extreme. If your uniform is a polo shirt, do not do up all the buttons, you will look like a weird nerd.

51. Introduce people. Be the person that brings groups together (not necessarily your separate groups). If you have two sets of friends, introduce them (if you think they'll be compatible, of course). And since they initially only have you in common, they'll probably be talking about you when they cross each others' paths again.

52. Just because some popular girls like bad boys, a lot of popular girls also love cute, funny, neat, polite boys. It's your choice though.

53. Just live your life! Live it the way you want to live it, because you will die someday. Do you really want other people to tell you how to live? Love, think, live!

54. Just talk to people, but don't meddle into others' conversations that they have no idea you are listening to, or you will look like a creepy eavesdropping stalker.

55. Keep up with the latest trends, but that doesn't mean that you have to have everything that's in style. Also don't sport too many fads at once. It will make you look desperate and lack a unique style.

56. Keep your "cool". The very definition of cool is being calm, composed, under control, not excited, indifferent, and socially adept. Many times, cool people are those that don't get excited about things, that don't always have to talk, unless they have something cool to say. Learn how to deal with people. Don't get angry or frustrated. Being cool is natural. It's easy to do. Often times, the people who strive the hardest for coolness are sabotaging themselves by trying too hard. People like people that don't try, but are still successful. How does that work? One of the secrets of being cool is that, when one is just between trying and not trying at all, things just fall into place.

57. Keep your word. Keeping your promises will show the world that you're dependable -- a rock. But breaking your word will not only tarnish your reputation, it'll cost you some friends. You don't have to promise the world, but when you do give your word, let others know that it's your bond.

58. Know when not to be funny. Getting the balance right is important when you're trying to be funny; there are times when being humorous about something solemn or tragic will fall flat and insult people. Rely on your common sense and the fact that your least favorite member of the family is starting to glare at you with deep malice.

59. Learn a little about what makes us laugh. Laughter is generally the desired result of anyone seeking to be funny, and usually this is because we view laughter as a sign of happiness or as a release of tension. Laughter itself is unconscious – while it is possible for us to inhibit our laughter consciously (although not always successfully!), it is very hard for us to produce laughter on demand, and doing so will usually seem "forced". Fortunately, laughter is very contagious (we're about 30 times more likely to laugh in the presence of others), and in a social context, it's easy to start laughing when others are laughing. Getting people to laugh, therefore, requires genuine humor, which is definitely about more than reciting hackneyed jokes!

60. Learn from funny people. This is a delightful part of seeking to be a funnier person – you get to watch comedians! Whether they're professional comedians, your parents, your kids, or your boss, learning from the funny people in your life is a key step to being funny yourself. Watch the methods that they use and see what you can adapt to your own situation and personality. Keep a note of some of the funnier things these people say or do. And find what you admire most in these people – even if all you do is cobble together your own funny plan based on one admired trait from each person, you'll be improving your sense of funny tremendously.

61. Learn how to laugh at yourself. Being cool doesn't mean being perfect, and being able to find humor in your moments of clumsiness and discomfort is the defining hallmark of being cool. People will not only respect you for it, but they'll like you for being human, just like them.

62. Learn the key foundations of being funny. In a nutshell, as good comedians already know, being funny boils down to good timing and taking the best advantage of the context. This is why learning long lists of jokes won't necessarily make you "funny" because you still need to grasp the levity of a situation as it's unfolding before you, within the context of those present and the precise facts of each situation.

63. Make funny jokes! But it isn't cool when you make jokes about your friends. It'll hurt their feelings. Being cool doesn't mean being naughty. Behave in class. Sometimes it's time for jokes, sometimes it's not. Don't be too cocky or too much of a show-off. This will make your rating go down. Don't make rumors because that may make people hate you too.

64. Never Argue. When you're cool, arguing is always canceled. You realize winning an argument is pointless. When you know you're right you just know it. You don't need to waste time effort and energy attempting to persuade someone who hasn't seen the things you have seen.

65. Organize an event. Once in a while (say two times a year), you should plan an outing, like a ballgame or paintball. You call the guys, you get the tickets, you handle everything. Note: Making plans to go to your local bar doesn't count.

66. Present yourself in a positive way. Walk with good posture and look people in the eye. If you slump or stare at your feet, people won't respect you. You have to look and feel confident in order to receive the respect you need.

67. Refrain from using too many colloquialisms. This may make you appear as "fake" or unable to grasp your respected language. Speak normally, clearly and confidently and if you feel it is necessary adopt a more formal register and use polysyllabic words. However do not go overboard as this may make you appear pretentious, this being just as bad as seeming fake. Finding the right balance in your speech is important to making you seem intelligent and somewhat sophisticated in the presence of your peers.

68. Don't care about what you think other people think of you. Just go with the flow. If you know for sure someone is judging you – you can voice it, then just act like you don't care...because you don't. Practice thinking this way and your confidence will improve via self-acceptance. People at school will start wondering where you got all this self esteem!

69. Respect people. Respect others beliefs and cultures.

70. Smile. Don't put a fake one too. Try to keep it natural. Don't be sarcastic to people until you're on good terms with them, don't act like you need attention, and don't look like your trying too hard. Be patient. Keep doing your thing. Someone's bound to notice.

71. Some schools have uniforms that you have to wear with ties. If you have to tuck your shirt in, then leave out a little part and smooth it down. Wear your tie properly. Also, if you're a boy, wear your pants a little low.

72. Speak up. Observe people who are "cool"--they usually speak confidently and clearly, at a good pace. They don't chatter rapidly, pause, or mumble. They say what they mean, and mean what they say. Be confident in your word and don't let anyone try to change it. If you state your opinion and people disagree, don't worry. You said what you felt and people will respect you for that, unless you use it knowing it will offend someone. However, make it count. Don't shout out your opinion just to be heard. Make sure it's relevant, and be ready to back it up soundly.

73. Spring back. Every well-rounded, self-confident funny person knows how to take a failed funny – forgive yourself. Sometimes a joke will fall flat, or an observation that cracks you up will just make others groan. Don't be discouraged. Learn from your comedic errors, and keep trying. Even the highest paid comedians don't always get a laugh, and no one expects anybody to be funny all the time. If you feel like you're temporarily off your game, just don't try to force humor.

74. Take a deep breath. Being cool is all about being relaxed and comfortable in any circumstance. Don't lose your cool. If you feel yourself about to lose your temper, or burst into tears, or lose control in any way, take a deep breath and excuse yourself. Stay calm. Don't be disruptive, annoying, or have unpredictable mood changes. You are serene and steadfast in your coolness and it should show. That means not getting too caught up in anything, not even your cool self.

75. The only brand you advertise is your own. You wear simple but stylish clothing free from corporate logo's or slogans. You don't advertise brands like Nike on the shirt you are wearing or Levi on your jeans.

76. Trust in your innate sense of humor. Being funny doesn't come in "one-size-fits-all"; what makes you funny is unique to you and the way you observe the world. Focus first on what you find funny in life and learn from your own reactions to the things that make you laugh. Trust that you do have a funny bone – as babies we laugh from 4 months of age, and all children express humor naturally from kindergarten age, using humor to entertain themselves and others, with riddles, knock knock jokes, laughing at themselves, and even using physical slapstick humor. So it's already in you – you just need to bring it forth again!

77. Try to identify who's where on the social ladder, but on the first day of school, just try to get settled in! If you are new, your main goal on the first day should just be to make friends! Be friendly and socialize with as many people as you can without getting them mixed up. Do not try to be friends with them only because they are "popular." However, after you've been in school for a while and are settled in, you can befriend one of the nicer popular people, they'll be your ticket into "the group." At the end of your first year in the school, try to have found some close friends to regularly spend time with. Having a wide variety of friends helps a lot.

78. Try to maintain a certain "strut" to your walk and posture (hey, always stand up/keep your back straight); appear as if you're not trying at all, but just want to get some place.

79. Use appropriate language. Don't use bad language and stick to your morals.

80. Use Humor: Cool people always use humor and ease in any situation. They don`t get annoyed and angry, and no matter how many bad things happen to them they don't take it too harshly; they make jokes about it. They have excellent emotional awareness and they don`t let bad emotion affect them, they have awesome emotional control and understanding.

81. When you speak people listen. You speak with such confidence, that when you talk people listen. You never mumble. You look people in the eye. And when talking to people you don't look at their possible dandruff, or that mole on their chin or whatever you look them in their eyes.

82. Write a list of all of the goals you are aiming for. What essentially makes you cool is your identity. Try to find your talent -- sports, music, art, whatever. People will notice your passion and respect you for it. You can also learn new skills and meet new people by trying new things.

83. You are always learning. You realize that people not learning are busy dying. You never stand still because you realize when you're cool you have to always keep learning. You are always looking for better solutions to bigger problems.

84. You are friends with all types of people. You have friends who have varying interests. They have different religions. They are different ethnicities. And they believe in things different to you.

85. You are not a member of the masons or any other similar organization. You don't need to know any secret handshake to get ahead.

86. You don't avoid fear - you head towards it at pace. You caress it. You face it. You make love to it. And you ruthlessly knock it over like a bulldozer knocking through brick walls.

87. You don't procrastinate. You realize that this it. This is your life. This is it. This is all you have. And you will use every moment you have as a celebration. When you have work to do you get to work. You don't attend bullshit parties. You put yourself under pressure and use that pressure to ignite your hyper productive skills within you, to get the absolute maximum output.

88. You enjoy wearing black. But you're not a goth and never will be.

89. Start lifting weights and working out at the gym – get some serious muscle tone.

90. You have passion about what you do. You realize being able to exert your talents is something to be grateful for and you are. Conversely you realize that being passionate about something does NOT give you a license to be emotional EVER.

91. You have your own language. If the current common trend is to say "Yo" when greeting people and "Later" when bidding farewell - you use neither. Instead you have your own versions.

92. You know that every problem has a solution. Some problems may have solutions that can be implemented within seconds. Some may take minutes. Some hours. Some days. And others much longer. But every problem has a solution. You realize this. And thus you are solution focused and never ever whine when presented with a problem or problems ...

93. When someone brags they lose coolness... don't brag. It's simple.

94. You never argue. When you're cool, arguing is always cancelled. You realize winning an argument is pointless. When you know you're right you just know it. You don't need to waste time effort and energy attempting to persuade someone who hasn't seen the things you have seen ... read the books you have ... been the places you have ... met the people you have ... that they are wrong and you are right. You're right and that's that.

95. Whining about how you got into your current predicament does not even enter your cool head. You are 100% solution-focused.

96. You never talk down to anyone ever. Everyone is equal. Everyone is a citizen of your world.

97. You say more with less. When talking, overall, you use less words in your sentences. You get to the point. You leave rambling for drunk old men who spend their life's in pubs drinking ale. When you are talking on-line in emails and websites, you get to the point. Your emails are always 8 lines or less. You just practice the mantra of always saying the absolute minimum in order to get maximum impact.

98. You stand tall. You have exemplary posture. You never slouch.

99. You talk highly of other people. When you are introducing people you know to other people. Stand tall and introduce them. Don't just say "This is my friend Jennifer". Say something like "Kyle, I want to introduce you to Jennifer. I really like Jennifer for a number of reasons. She is cool. She is attractive. And Jennifer is very intelligent. She grew up in Australia. She is here in London for 1 more year to finish her degree from the London School of Economics."

100. You're already cool. Whatever anyone else says is invalid. You observe what they say but you don't listen. You realize that you can't make everyone happy.

Chat Room for Teenagers with Aspergers - ONLY!

Helping an Aspergers Child Transition to a New School

Question

We live in Ireland and my son who is 6 goes to a Gaelscoil (a school that teaches through the Irish Language). We speak mainly English at home. I was recently told that Jude's (my son) Irish is not up to standard and has been suggested that perhaps we should look into sending him to an English speaking school. My problem is that Jude is very happy in this school and I feel that such a major change to him would be very upsetting to him and also Jude knows the Irish but in his mind he doesn't speak Irish only English. Do you have any tips to either get my boy to use the Irish that he has in school or to make the transition to a new school easier for him? I would be grateful for any pointers you have.

Answer

Re: Irish is not up to standard…

Please watch the video entitled Aspergers Students: Tips for Teachers for tips on helping your son get up to speed with his Irish.

Re: Making the transition to a new school…

Here are some tips that can help your Aspergers son transition to a new school:

1. As his first day at the new school approaches, begin talking with your son about the upcoming changes. What are his expectations? Reassure him that other kids feel the same way when they change schools.

2. Ask the new school to assign a ‘buddy’ to assist your son during the first few days or weeks. This is something your son will benefit from – so talk with the guidance counselor and get it set-up.

3. Be patient. Expect your son to have a hard first six weeks or so (although he may adapt, make friends easily, and adjust fairly quickly).

4. Be prepared for very stormy weather for the first few days. You might find your son is withdrawn, more sensitive, not doing as well in school, being uncooperative, having tantrums or meltdowns, etc. This will pass as he settles in.

5. Be sure to introduce yourself to your son's teachers and share necessary contact information as well as information about Aspergers. Keep the lines of communication open throughout the year. This will send the message to your son that you and the teacher are a team and are willing to work out any kind of challenge that comes along.

6. Before his first day at the new school, find out what supplies are required. Most schools provide supply lists for each grade level. Stock up on necessary items.

7. Knowledge is the best tool to reduce anxiety, and if you can uncover the basis for your son’s concerns, you will be better prepared to address them. Whether your son is worried about making new friends, losing touch with old ones, or simply finding his locker on the first day of school, odds are you can help.

8. Each day, engage your son in conversations about the school day, activities, new friends, and upcoming school events. Talking about new situations can help him work through anxieties and fears. Keep the lines of communication open.

9. Find out what your son is interested in and encourage involvement in one or two activities. Present the idea of extracurricular activities, clubs, or sports. Being involved in activities outside of the regular school schedule will help him meet more friends and feel connected to the new school.

10. Future friends are everywhere you look – find them! Sign your son up for nearby summer camps and classes, play at the school playground, and visit the local library. He may need help meeting these new friends – and he’ll feel less nervous starting a new school if he sees some familiar faces in the classroom.

11. Get involved with the school. If you’re able to volunteer in the classroom, you’ll get to know the teacher and your son’s classmates firsthand. Networking with other mothers/fathers can be a great way to meet other children, too.

12. Get your son to bed on time that first day. Begin the school sleep schedule a week or two before the first day so he will be used to it by the time school starts.

13. Help your son get into the habit of laying out what to wear before he gets to bed at night. This makes getting ready in the morning go quick and easy.

14. Include your son in the transitioning process. Attend the school orientation together and arrange for a tour. He may appreciate the opportunity to follow his schedule before his actual first day of school (e.g., walking from the bus stop …to his locker …to each class …back to his locker …then back to the bus stop). Also, be sure to point out the bathrooms, cafeteria and auditorium. Knowing where things are should alleviate some of your son’s fears.

15. Provide a healthy breakfast for your son that first morning. Make sure he is up and ready in time to sit down and eat a good breakfast, instead of grabbing something and running out the door.

16. Remind your son about other "firsts" he has experienced in his life and how well he handled them. For example, has your son ever started a new camp? Does your son remember his first day of kindergarten? Find opportunities to talk about successes he has experienced and the advantages of taking that first step (e.g., meeting a new friend or learning a new skill). This will build confidence and remind him that taking risks can pay off.

17. Seek the positive. Request the school handbook and scour the school’s website for fun facts, photographs, and lists of interesting classes, extracurricular activities and sports.

18. Stick to your routine. If rapid changes have left your son reeling, knowing what’s expected at home can provide a soothing anchor.

19. Make sure your son learns more about changing schools. Read a book on the topic or visit your local library and get reading!

20. If your son is still struggling and complaining after six months, that should be a cause for concern. In that case, talk to your son’s teacher and the school counselor, but remind yourself that the odds are he’ll adjust just fine – sooner or later.  

Highly Acclaimed Parenting Programs Offered by Online Parent Support, LLC:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

____________________

Do you need the advice of a professional who specializes in parenting children and teens with Autism Spectrum Disorders?  Sign-up for Online Parent Coaching today.

____________________

Dealing with Aggressive Aspergers Teens: 10 Tips for Parents

Have you experienced an out-of-control yelling match with your Aspergers (high functioning autism) teen? While parenting these teens, moms and dads often find themselves in a power struggle. Teen "Aspies" try all sorts of things to get what they want, and sometimes this involves yelling and cussing-out their parents. The techniques that follow should help parents deal with aggressive Aspergers teens:

1. Avoid Excessive Negative Attention— It's a mistake to pay more attention to what the Aspergers youngster is doing wrong (e.g., his failures, mistakes, misbehaviors, etc.) than to what he is doing right (e.g., his successes, achievements, good behaviors, etc.). When you go to bed at night, review the day you have had with your Aspie. Have you spent as much time during the day looking at his appropriate behaviors as you have looking at his inappropriate actions?

You should avoid using punishment as a primary method of control. Instead, substitute positive consequences, which place the emphasis on good behavior rather than on bad behavior. Eliminate verbal punishment (e.g., hollering, putting down the teenager, name-calling, excessive criticism), and use reward as a disciplinary tactic. Emphasize successes, accomplishments, achievements, and good behaviors. Pay more attention to normal good behavior and be positive. Constant nagging of an Aspergers adolescent will certainly result in a buildup of anger, resentment, and aggressive behaviors.

2. Avoid Excessive Restrictions— Some Aspergers kids who are overprotected, excessively restricted, and generally not allowed to be like other youngsters their age may develop resentment and anger. They want to do things that others do, but are prevented from doing so. Sometimes you have to look at your adolescent's peer group in order to decide what is and is not appropriate – and what is too much restriction.

3. Avoid Random Discipline— Moms and dads often discipline after the fact. This is “random discipline.” They set a rule and wait for the teenager to break it before they decide upon a consequence. To Aspergers adolescents, the concept of fairness is extremely important. If they are disciplined in this fashion, they may frequently feel unjustly treated. In addition, random discipline often makes adolescents feel that others are responsible for what has happened to them and anger is apt to develop. You should spell out the rules and consequences for your youngster's behavior at the same time. The most important part of this process is not the rule, but the consequence. Put the responsibility for what happens to the youngster squarely on his or her shoulders.

4. Do Not Let the Behavior Get Out of Control— Once a youngster is actively involved in an aggressive behavior or shouting match, it is difficult to deal with the behavior. Rather than wait till the behavior occurs to handle it, sometimes it is possible, and better, to try to prevent it from happening or to catch it early and not let it get out of control. In some adolescents, the aggressive behavior develops gradually and may involve several steps. Some initial behaviors appear and then intensify.

For example, an adolescent's brother may call him stupid. Some verbal exchanges follow, then a pushing and shoving match begins, and finally a full-blown fight erupts. Rather than wait to react when the fight starts, it would be better to try to catch the behavior early, and intervene before the situation gets out of hand. Target the name-calling or verbal arguing and try to stop that, rather than wait to zero in on the fighting.

5. Don't Get into a Power Struggle—You tell your Aspie to clean his room and he refuses. Then you threaten, "You had better clean it, or you're not going out on Saturday." He replies, "You can't make me clean it and I'm going out on Saturday, anyway." Then you say something, he says something, you both begin to shout, and a full-blown power struggle has developed. This is a good way to generate anger in your youngster. When possible, avoid battles and power struggles, which only lead to a buildup of anger. At times, it may be better to have the youngster experience the consequence of his behavior rather than to win the battle and get him to do what you want. If you try to win each fight, you may battle the youngster throughout adolescence, and will probably end up losing the war.

6. Encourage Appropriate Communication— The most effective way to deal with anger and rebellious behavior is to have adolescents appropriately communicate their feelings of disapproval and resentment. Encourage them to express and explain negative feelings, sources of anger, and their opinions—that is, what angers them, what we do that they do not like, what they disapprove of. If an Aspergers adolescent expresses emotions appropriately, in a normal tone of voice, she should not be viewed as rude or disrespectful. This is an appropriate expression of anger, and the youngster should not be reprimanded or punished. In other words, allow adolescents to complain, disagree, or disapprove, provided they are not sarcastic, flippant, or nasty.

Remember, though, that allowing a youngster to shout, swear, or be fresh does not teach effective communication of emotions. If the adolescent is complaining about excessive restrictions, punishments, or other things that she does not like, listen. Try to understand her feelings. If the complaints are realistic, see if something can be worked out and resolved, or if a compromise can be achieved.

7. Look for Ways to Compromise— In many situations with Aspie teens, you should try to treat them the way you would one of your friends or another adult. Rather than get into a battle to see who is going to win, it may be better to create a situation where a compromise is reached.

8. Provide Appropriate Models— Kids learn a great deal from modeling their parents' behavior. The way we handle our conflicts and problems is apt to be imitated by our kids. If I handle my anger by hollering, throwing things, or hitting, there is a good possibility that my kids will handle their conflicts in a similar fashion. The old saying "Don't do as I do; do as I say" is a very ineffective way of dealing with behavior. Therefore, if you see aggressive or rebellious behaviors in your adolescent, look at yourself, your spouse, or an older sibling to see if one of you is modeling these behaviors. If so, the behavior must stop before we can expect to change the teenager's conduct. If there is a significant amount of arguing in the home, or if parents demonstrate disrespect for one another, it is likely that the adolescent will adopt similar behavior patterns. If you scream at your youngster, he is likely to scream back.

Moms and dads who use physical punishment with the young youngster, as a primary method of dealing with his or her behavior, forget one important thing: kids grow and usually get as big as or bigger than them. A young child disciplined through physical punishment will probably end up as a teenager who gets into physical battles with his parents. Moms and dads must look at themselves to be sure they are not models of the behavior they are trying to eliminate in the youngster. Serving as an appropriate model is a good way to teach kids how to deal with and express anger.

9. Stabilize the Environment— Aspergers adolescents who experience environmental change—especially divorce, separation, or remarriage—may develop underlying anger. The anger and resentment that result from the changes may be expressed in other ways. Try to identify the changes, stabilize the environment, and get him to express his feelings through more appropriate methods. If the teenager has questions regarding a divorce or remarriage, discuss them with him.

10. Try Not to React to Passive-Aggressive Behavior— Some of the opposition, stubbornness, resistance, and other passive-aggressive maneuvers of Aspergers adolescents are designed to express anger and/or to get a reaction from the parents. Ignoring this behavior is often an effective way to reduce it. Some ways of dealing with this passive-aggressive behavior will result in the development of more anger, while others will help deflate the anger balloon. For example, if you ask your Aspie to do something – and he is doing it, although complaining the whole time, ignore his complaints since he is doing what you asked.

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism