A Child on the Autism Spectrum Interviews His Parents

Hi everybody, my name is Matt. After reading questions and answers to Mark Hutten, I was so sad to hear all the problems parents are having. I know I’m only 10 but I decided to interview my parents what they thought about my autism and how they helped me so that I could share with you:

Me: When did you first think I was different?

My parents: We noticed when you were about 3 years old, when you decided to stop eating.

Me: What did you do?

My parents: Well we went to the pediatrician who told us this was normal, and not to force you to eat, that you would eat when you decided to. Well that was a mistake still to this day you won’t touch a lot of foods.

Me: What did you think when the psychologist told you I had autism?

My parents: We were torn. We were happy in a way that we finally found out why you were acting differently, but sad thinking how can we help you?

Me: I don’t understand?

My parents: Every parent’s first impulse is thinking “what did I do wrong?” When we found out it was autism, and it was not our fault, this made us feel a little better. But now knowing that you have an autism spectrum condition,  it made us feel helpless thinking how can we help you. Matthew, every parent wants to help his or her child live a happy life.

Me: Is there anything you think helped me get this far?

My parents: Yes. I made sure ever since you started school I asked you four simple questions. Tell me something good, something bad, something happy something sad. This made you talk about your day and we could elaborate on a specific topic, which was most important to you. Now every day we talk about all different topics.

Me: Yes we still do it today, but I call it debriefing now.

Me: How did you get me to try new things?

My parents: The one that best works for you is reward and consequence. Do you remember when you would not ride your bike for the whole summer?

Me: Yes

My parents: Well it was not until I purchased a computer game and told you, that you could not play it until you rode your bike. You learned to ride a bike in 2 hours.

Me: Is there anything else you think that helps me?

My parents: Matthew it’s all trial and error. There have been times a strategy may work but the next day fails completely. We find its one step forward and 2 steps back. I get told a lot of the time that I’m a pessimist.

Me: What does that mean?

My parents: It means I look for the worst things in life. I do this to try to look ahead on what problems could arise for you. Everything I try to teach you now is not to learn for today but 2 years from now. I have always tried to teach you some problem solving of situations that may arise as you get older. Hopefully with constant repetition when this time comes, it would have sunk in and you would be ready.

Me: Are you tired of having a son with autism?

My parents: If you mean tired as exhausted, there are times, but I get the same exhaustion from telling your brother to pick up his clothes. Matt I’m a mom. I’m tired all the time. It goes with the territory. If you mean am I tired of you… NEVER. I wanted two boys and I was blessed with two wonderful boys, so to that answer - no!!!! You are a wonderful son with so many gifts to offer and I love you and will always love you.

Post-script-

Matt: "I hope that this may help parents. As my mom and dad said, 'it is all trial and error' and if these worked for me maybe they may be able to help your kids with autism."

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Resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Highly Effective Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

  

Anonymous said...Made my eyes my eyes a little moist. My daughter and I have similar conversations and I don't always know what to say but try to be insightful and honest. My daughter believes fully that I am her hero in life and that's so much to live up to when I feel at a loss so often. I feel so alone sometimes. Reading this conversation between parent and child really really helps to feel not so alone. So thank you!
  at 7:46 AM  

Anonymous said... I loved this article. Your mom gave some insight into how to get my 6 year old to share his day w/ me. I hope to have conversations like yours with him someday. I love him very much!!
   at 1:57 PM

Classroom Challenges for Asperger Students

The characteristics of Aspergers (high functioning autism) translate into challenges to learning, behavior, and socialization for the youngster with the disorder and pose just as significant difficulties for the teacher in terms of teaching, controlling behaviors, and maintaining a classroom environment that is conducive to learning by all students, including the youngster with Aspergers. The list below provides a quick reference guide for some of the common difficulties kids with Aspergers have in the classroom.

Common difficulties in the classroom:

• Academic difficulties

• Appear “normal” to other people

• Difficulties with abstract concepts

• Difficulty with learning in large groups

• Difficulty with reciprocal conversations

• Emotional vulnerability

• Inability to make friends

• Insistence on sameness/difficulty with changes in routine

• Interests limited to specific topics

• Low frustration tolerance

• Motor clumsiness

• Pedantic speech

• Poor concentration

• Poor coping strategies

• Poor organization skills

• Poor writing skills (fine-motor problems)

• Problem-solving abilities tend to be poor

• Restricted range of interests

• Sensory issues

• Socially naïve and literal thinkers

• Tend to be reclusive

• Vocabulary usually great; comprehension poor

Because these kids have so many strengths, it is often easy to overlook their weaknesses. Also, some of their behaviors may be misinterpreted as “spoiled” or “manipulative,” resulting in the mistaken impression that kids with Aspergers are being defiant and “troublemakers.”

It is important for teachers to recognize that inappropriate behaviors are usually a function of poor coping skills, low frustration tolerance, and difficulty reading social cues. Most teaching strategies that are effective for students with autism (structure, consistency, etc.) also work for students with Aspergers. However, because these kids are often aware that they are different and can be self-conscious about it, teachers may need to be subtler in their intervention methods.

My Aspergers Child: Highly Praised Program for Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums 

Aspergers Students: Dealing with Tantrums, Rage and Meltdowns in the Classroom

Tantrums, rage, and meltdowns (terms that are used interchangeably) typically occur in three stages that can be of variable length. These stages and associated interventions are described below. The best intervention for these behavioral outbursts is to prevent them through the use of appropriate academic, environmental, social, and sensory supports and modification to environment and expectations.

The Cycle of Tantrums, Rage, and Meltdowns and Related Interventions

 Initial stage

During the initial stage, children with Aspergers (high functioning autism) exhibit specific behavioral changes that may appear to be minor (e.g., nail biting, tensing muscles, indicating discomfort). During this stage, it is imperative that an adult intervene without becoming part of a struggle.

Intervention

Effective interventions during this stage include: antiseptic bouncing, proximity control, support from routine and home base. All of these strategies can be effective in stopping the cycle of tantrums, rage, and meltdowns and can help the youngster regain control with minimal adult support.

Rage

If behavior is not diffused during the initial stage, the child may move to the rage stage. At this point, the youngster is disinhibited and acts impulsively, emotionally, and sometimes explosively. These behaviors may be externalized (e.g., screaming, biting, hitting, kicking, destroying property, self-injury), or internalized (e.g., shutdowns, withdrawal). Meltdowns are not purposeful, and once the rage stage begins, it most often must run its course.

Intervention

Emphasis should be placed on youngster, peer, and adult safety, as well as protection of school, home, or personal property. Of importance here is helping the child with Aspergers regain control and preserve dignity. Adults should have developed plans for (a) obtaining assistance from educators, such as a crisis teacher or principal; (b) removing the student from the area (removing the upset student from the peer group is far less memorable for the peers than is moving the entire peer group away from the upset student); or (c) providing therapeutic restraint, if necessary. Especially in elementary and middle school, every effort should be made to prevent allowing a student to have a meltdown in view of peers as this behavior tends to “define” the student in the peers’ minds in years ahead.

Recovery

Following a meltdown, the youngster with Aspergers often cannot fully remember what occurred during the rage stage. Some may become sullen, withdraw, or deny that inappropriate behavior occurred. Other children are so physically exhausted that they need to sleep.

Intervention

During the recovery stage, kids are often not ready to learn. Thus, it is important that adults work with them to help them to once again become a part of the routine. This is often best accomplished by directing the child to a highly motivating task that can be easily accomplished (e.g., activity related to a special interest). If appropriate, when the student has calmed sufficiently, “process” the incident with him or her. Staff should analyze the incident to identify whether or not the environment, expectations, or staff-behavior played a role in precipitating the incident.

My Aspergers Child: Methods for Preventing Meltdowns at Home and in the Classroom

What is the best way to communicate with my Aspergers child?

Question

What is the best way of effectively communicating things to my child with Aspergers?

Answer

Communicating with a child who has an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) can be a delightful experience. It can just as often be a frustrating experience. Children with ASD can have a wide range of communication skills, so it’s important to tailor any communication specifically to your child. Many times, you’ll have to try some communication techniques to see if they’re effective.

Be sensitive when speaking with a child with Asperger’s (high functioning autism). Understand that your child might not be able to maintain eye contact or that he might not want you sitting close to him or touching him. Understand that you will need to teach him how to communicate effectively.

Using a tool such as Interactive Training Cards, created by Joan Green, can help you teach your child about communication. Interactive Training cards were developed by special educators specifically to help facilitate communication with people with communication delays or difficulties. Each set of communication cards comes with 120 2”x2” laminated cards that relate to the topic of the set. The set also includes four sentence and cards containing common words, such as yes, no, thank you, no thank you, and more. Words are printed on the front and back of each picture.

These Interactive Training Cards come in several sets, each set having a different theme. The Food Set includes foods for each meal, snacks, condiments and kitchen materials and utensils. The Home and Health Set include chores, hygiene activities, body parts and physical ailments. Another set contains Elementary and High School Activities.

Understand that communicating with a child with ASD will be repetitive and time consuming. It can often be frustrating. Be patient. Often children with ASD are slower to process things they hear, so expect the pace of conversation to be different than in a standard conversation. Give your child time and space to respond appropriately and to formulate a response.

When working on communication skills with your child, try to engage him in a topic of interest to him. This will help extend the conversation and give him a change to feel confident while talking to you. He will be excited and will be more willing to engage when the topic piques his interest.

Communicating effectively with children with ASD can be a challenge. But the rewards and benefits are tremendous. Your child will reap the benefits of your efforts, as he is able to understand the world a bit better and to learn more effective communication skills.