Aspergers Syndrome and Oppositional Defiant Disorder [ODD] Combination

Even the best-behaved Aspergers children can be difficult and challenging at times. Aspergers adolescents are often moody and argumentative. But if your Aspergers child or adolescent has a persistent pattern of tantrums, arguing, and angry or disruptive behaviors toward you and other authority figures, he or she may have oppositional defiant disorder (ODD). As many as one in 10 Aspergers children may have ODD in a lifetime.

Treatment of ODD involves therapy and possibly medications to treat related mental health conditions. As a parent, you don't have to go it alone in trying to manage an Aspergers child with ODD. Doctors, counselors and child development experts can help you learn specific strategies to address ODD.

Symptoms—

It may be tough at times to recognize the difference between a strong-willed or emotional child and one with ODD. Certainly there's a range between the normal independence-seeking behavior of Aspergers kids and ODD. It's normal to exhibit oppositional behaviors at certain stages of a youngster's development.

However, your Aspergers child's issue may be ODD if your youngster's oppositional behaviors:

• Are clearly disruptive to the family and home or school environment
• Are persistent
• Have lasted at least six months

The following are behaviors associated with ODD:

• Defiance
• Disobedience
• Hostility directed toward authority figures
• Negativity

These behaviors might cause your Aspergers child to regularly and consistently show these symptoms:

• Academic problems
• Acting touchy and easily annoyed
• Aggressiveness toward peers
• Anger and resentment
• Argumentativeness with adults
• Blaming others for mistakes or misbehavior
• Deliberate annoyance of other people
• Difficulty maintaining friendships
• Frequent temper tantrums
• Refusal to comply with adult requests or rules
• Spiteful or vindictive behavior

Related mental health issues—

ODD often occurs along with other behavioral or mental health problems such as attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), anxiety or depression. The symptoms of ODD may be difficult to distinguish from those of other behavioral or mental health problems.

It's important to diagnose and treat any co-occurring illnesses because they can create or worsen irritability and defiance if left untreated. Additionally, it's important to identify and treat any related substance abuse and dependence. Substance abuse and dependence in Aspergers kids or adolescents is often associated with irritability and changes in the Aspergers child or adolescent's usual personality.

Causes—

There's no clear cause underpinning ODD. Contributing causes may include:

• A biochemical or neurological factor
• A genetic component that when coupled with certain environmental conditions — such as lack of supervision, poor quality child care or family instability — increases the risk of ODD
• The Aspergers child's inherent temperament
• The Aspergers child's perception that he or she isn't getting enough of the parent's time and attention
• The family's response to the youngster's style

Risk factors—

A number of factors play a role in the development of ODD. ODD is a complex problem involving a variety of influences, circumstances and genetic components. No single factor causes ODD. Possible risk factors include:

• Being abused or neglected
• Exposure to violence
• Family instability such as occurs with divorce, multiple moves, or changing schools or child care providers frequently
• Financial problems in the family
• Harsh or inconsistent discipline
• Having a parent with a mood or substance abuse disorder
• Lack of supervision
• Moms and dads with a history of ADHD, ODD or conduct problems
• Poor relationship with one or both moms and dads
• Substance abuse in the Aspergers child or adolescent

When to seek medical advice—

If you're concerned about your Aspergers child's behavior or your own ability to parent a challenging youngster, seek help from your doctor, a child psychologist or child behavioral expert. Your primary care doctor or your youngster's pediatrician can refer you to someone.

The earlier this disorder can be managed, the better the chances of reversing its effects on your Aspergers child and your family. Treatment can help restore your youngster's self-esteem and rebuild a positive relationship between you and your Aspergers child.

Tests and diagnosis—

Behavioral and mental health conditions are difficult to diagnose definitively. There's no blood test or imaging technique that can pinpoint an exact cause of behavioral symptoms, though these tests are sometimes used to rule out certain conditions. Physicians and other health professionals rely on:

• Information gained from interviewing the Aspergers child
• Information gathered from moms and dads and teachers, who may fill out questionnaires
• Their clinical judgment and experience

Normal child and adolescent behavior and development can be challenging in their own right, but ODD is distinct due to the frequent and significant disruptions that are caused in the youngster's life at home, school, or in a job where authority figures have clear limits and expectations for behavior.

It can be difficult for doctors to sort and exclude other associated disorders — for example, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder versus ODD. These two disorders are commonly diagnosed together.

Complications—

Many Aspergers kids with ODD have other treatable conditions, such as:

• Anxiety
• Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
• Depression

If these conditions are left untreated, managing ODD can be very difficult for the moms and dads, and frustrating for the affected Aspergers child. Kids with ODD may have trouble in school with teachers and other authority figures and may struggle to make and keep friends.

ODD may be a precursor to other, more severe behavioral disorders such as conduct disorder, but this is controversial.

Treatments and drugs—

Ideally, treatment for ODD involves your primary care doctor and a qualified mental health professional or child development professional. It may also help to seek the services of a psychologist specializing in family therapy.

These health professionals can screen for and treat other mental health problems that may be interfering with ODD, such as ADHD, anxiety or depression. Successful treatment of the often-coexisting conditions will improve the effectiveness of treatment for ODD. In some cases, the symptoms of ODD disappear entirely.

Successful treatment of ODD requires commitment and follow-through by you as a parent and by others involved in your youngster's care. Most important in treatment is for you to show consistent, unconditional love and acceptance of your Aspergers child — even during difficult and disruptive situations. Doing so can be tough for even the most patient moms and dads.

Learning or improving parental skills—

A mental health professional can help you learn or strengthen specific skills and parenting techniques to help improve your Aspergers child's behavior and strengthen your relationship with him or her. For example, you can learn how to:

• Avoid power struggles
• Establish a schedule for the family that includes specific meals that will be eaten at home together, and specific activities one or both moms and dads will do with the Aspergers child
• Give effective timeouts
• Limit consequences to those that can be consistently reinforced and if possible, last for a limited amount of time
• Offer acceptable choices to your Aspergers child, giving him or her a certain amount of control
• Recognize and praise your Aspergers child's good behaviors and positive characteristics
• Remain calm and unemotional in the face of opposition

Success requires perseverance, hard work—

Although some parent management techniques may seem like common sense, learning to use them in the face of opposition isn't easy, especially if there are other stressors at home. Learning these skills may require counseling, parenting classes or other forms of education, and consistent practice and patience.

At first, your Aspergers child is not likely to be cooperative or to appreciate your changed response to his or her behavior. Expect that you'll have setbacks and relapses, and be prepared with a plan to manage those times. In fact, behavior often temporarily worsens when new limits and expectations are set. However, with perseverance and consistency, the initial hard work often pays off with improved behavior and relationships.

Individual and family counseling—

Individual counseling for your Aspergers child may help him or her learn to manage anger. Family counseling may help improve communication and relationships and help family members learn how to work together.

Lifestyle and home remedies—

At home, you can begin chipping away at problem behaviors by practicing the following:

• Assign your Aspergers child a household chore that's essential and that won't get done unless the youngster does it. Initially, it's important to set your youngster up for success with tasks that are relatively easy to achieve and gradually blend in more important and challenging expectations.
• Build in time together. Develop a consistent weekly schedule that involves moms and dads and youngster being together.
• Model the behavior you want your Aspergers child to have.
• Pick your battles. Avoid power struggles.
• Recognize and praise your Aspergers child's positive behaviors.
• Set limits and enforce consistent reasonable consequences.
• Set up a routine. Develop a consistent daily schedule for your Aspergers child.
• Work with your spouse or others in your household to assure consistent and appropriate discipline procedures.

Coping and support—

For yourself, counseling can provide an outlet for your own mental health concerns that could interfere with the successful treatment of your Aspergers child's symptoms. If you're depressed or anxious, that could lead to disengagement from your Aspergers child — and that can trigger or worsen oppositional behaviors. Here are some tips:

• Be forgiving. Let go of things that you or your Aspergers child did in the past. Start each day with a fresh outlook and a clean slate.
• Learn ways to calm yourself. Keeping your own cool models the behavior you want from your Aspergers child.
• Take time for yourself. Develop outside interests, get some exercise and spend some time away from your Aspergers child to restore your energy.

==> My Aspergers Child: Help for Parents with Aspergers and ODD Children 

Aspergers, ADHD, and ODD

Question

My 8 year old Aspie also has ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Disorder [ODD]. I can deal with the ADHD and the Aspergers …it’s the ODD I am having a hard time with. How do deal with it and what works with dealing with this disorder? What do you do as far as discipline? We are at our wits end with this part of his diagnoses and would love some advice.

Answer

Aspergers (high-functioning autism) is often not be the only psychological condition affecting a particular youngster. In fact, it frequently coexists with other problems such as:

• Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
• Bipolar Disorder
• Depression (Major Depressive Disorder or Adjustment Disorder with Depressed Mood)
• Generalized Anxiety Disorder
• Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
• Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD)

Oppositional Defiant Disorder, also known as ODD, is a psychiatric behavior disorder that is characterized by aggressiveness and a tendency to purposefully bother and irritate others.

DSM delineates the criteria for ODD as follows:

A. A pattern of negativistic, hostile, and defiant behavior lasting at least six months during which four or more of the following are present: often loses temper, often argues with adults, often actively defies or refuses to comply with adult requests or rules, often deliberately annoys people, often blames others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior, is often touchy or easily annoyed by others, is often angry and resentful, is often spiteful or vindictive.

B. The disturbance in behavior causes clinically significant impairment in social, academic, or occupational functions.

C. The behaviors do not occur exclusively during the course of psychotic or mood disorder.

D. Criteria are not met for Conduct Disorder, and if the individual is age 18 years or older, criteria are not met for Anti-social Personality Disorder.

Facts on Oppositional Defiant Disorder—

• 15% of ODD kids develop some form of personality disorder
• 20% of kids with ODD have some form of mood disorder, such as Bipolar Disorder or anxiety
• 35% of these kids develop some type of affective disorder
• 50-65% of ODD kids also have ADD or ADHD
• 75% of kids with Oppositional Defiant Disorder above the age of eight will still be defiant later in life
• Kids with CD and ODD are also at high risk for criminality and antisocial personality disorders in adulthood
• Many of these kids have learning disorders
• ODD is more common in boys than in girls before puberty
• ODD is reported to affect between 2 and 16 percent of kids
• Once kids enter adolescence, it is extremely difficult for moms and dads to change the ODD behavior

Symptoms of Oppositional Defiant Disorder—

Kids with ODD show defiant, hostile, and negativistic behaviors lasting at least six months, of which four or more of the following behaviors are present:

• actively defies or refuses to comply with adults' requests or rules
• argues with adults
• blames others for his or her mistakes
• deliberately annoys people
• is angry or resentful
• is spiteful and vindictive
• loses temper
• mean and hateful talking when upset
• often being touchy or easily annoyed by others
• seeking revenge

Causes of Oppositional Defiant Disorder—

There has been no systematic research into the causes of ODD; however, there are two theories as follows:

• Learning Theory: ODD comes as a response to negative interactions. The techniques used by moms and dads and authority figures bring about the oppositional defiant behavior.

• Developmental Theory: ODD is really a result of incomplete development. For some reason, ODD kids don't master the tasks that other kids master during their toddler years. They get stuck in the toddler stage (2-3 years old) and never really grow out of it.

Treatment of Oppositional Defiant Disorder—

• Cognitive-Behavioral Psychotherapy to assist in problem solving and decrease negativity
• Family Psychotherapy to improve communication
• Individual Psychotherapy to develop effective anger management
• Parent Training Programs to help manage behavior
• Social Skills Training to increase flexibility and improve tolerance to frustration with peers
• Stimulant Medication is prescribed only when ODD is accompanied by another disorder such as ADD or ADHD

Treatment is particularly important because kids with ODD are also at high risk for criminality and antisocial personality disorders in adulthood.

What Moms and Dads Can Do—

1. Avoid power struggles.
2. Build on the positives.
3. Establish a schedule for the family that includes specific meals that will be eaten at home together, and specific activities one or both parents will do with the Aspergers child.
4. Exercise and relax. Use respite care as needed.
5. Give effective timeouts.
6. Give the youngster praise and positive reinforcement when he shows flexibility or cooperation.
7. Limit consequences to those that can be consistently reinforced and if possible, last for a limited amount of time.
8. Manage your stress.
9. Offer acceptable choices to your Aspergers child, giving him a certain amount of control.
10. Pick your battles carefully.
11. Prioritize the things you want your youngster to do.
12. Remain calm and unemotional in the face of opposition.
13. Set up reasonable, age-appropriate limits with consequences that can be enforced consistently.
14. Stay involved in things other than your youngster with ODD, so that your youngster doesn't take up all of your time and energy.
15. Take a break if you are about to make the conflict with your youngster worse. This is good modeling, so be sure to support your youngster if he decides to take a time-out to prevent overreacting.
16. Try to work with other adults that are involved with your youngster, such as educators, coaches, and your husband or wife.

What Teachers Can Do—

It is important for educators to be aware of the disorders that their students are suffering from. Educators may or may not see symptoms of ODD at school. Even if the symptoms are not present at school, it is helpful to know what the moms and dads are dealing with at home. The more you communicate with the family and understand the situation, the better you will be able to help.

Click here for a complete parenting-course on how to deal with the Aspergers child who also has Oppositional Defiant Disorder.

Dual Diagnosis in Kids on the Autism Spectrum

“Is it common for children with asperger’s or high functioning autism to also have oppositional defiant disorder?”

While it is common for many children and teens on the autism spectrum to exhibit some of the traits of Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), only about 10% of these young people actually have an ODD diagnosis.

ODD often occurs with other behavioral and mental health conditions (e.g., Autism and ADHD). In fact, it has been estimated that over 50% of the kids suffering from ODD are also suffers of some other disorder. There are plenty of other conditions that are more common in kids suffering from ODD with the majority of these centering around pronounced learning difficulties.

ODD is often diagnosed when the youngster with Asperger's (AS) or High-Functioning Autism (HFA) is in his or her teenage years. The symptoms, which vary in severity, include being irritated and annoyed by authority figures, which in turn leads to them becoming uncooperative and generally defiant.

Experts suggest that ODD affects around 10% of kids on the autism spectrum. ODD will be diagnosed by a specialist when the youngster has displayed a persistent pattern of disobedience towards authority figures (i.e., parents, teachers, etc.).

 

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

Diagnosing conditions like ODD is actually quite difficult. However, you can use the list of symptoms below as a starting point. The ODD child:

• speaks to others in a hateful manner
• refuses to do anything when asked
• is argumentative with adults
• displays touchy, or irritable tendencies
• displays persistent and prolonged tantrums
• displays of defiance
• deliberately tries to upset his or her peers
• blames others for his or her own mistakes
• appears to often be angry or irritable

Just because a youngster with AS or HFA is acting up doesn’t necessarily mean that he or she has ODD. It’s perfectly normal for all young people – including those on the spectrum – to test the boundaries, especially at the ages of 2 to 3, and during the teenage years. This is normally nothing to worry about as most of these children will grow out of it eventually.

Do you need the advice of a professional who specializes in parenting children and teens with Autism Spectrum Disorders?  Sign-up for Online Parent Coaching today.

There are a number of things that parents can do to successfully parent a youngster diagnosed with both AS or HFA - and ODD. Here are just a few tips:

1. You have to show that you are in control. Although kids with ODD have a lack of respect for authority figures, you must retain control. Create a "rules contract" to help with this. Write down your expectations on paper. This works because it is a more “formal system,” which the youngster may respond to since it is similar to the way he or she is managed at school. This contract will also help these young people realize that they are responsible for what they do. They need to learn that there are consequences for their actions. Once ODD is diagnosed, at least you know the reason behind the defiant behavior. You can also look into treatment options and therapy with your doctor’s advice.

2. If you are particularly concerned about your youngster, then you might want to take him or her to see
your family doctor. If the doctor is concerned that your youngster is presenting significant symptoms of ODD, then he will refer you to a psychiatrist who is familiar with young people that have such behavioral problems.

3. Too many moms and dads do not have the necessary tools to deal with ODD. They will normally react (rather than respond) when their youngster starts showing defiance by (a) giving in, (b) threatening, (c) yelling, or (d) negotiating. This isn’t the ideal thing to do, because you are showing your son or daughter that he or she can get what they want by behaving in an unacceptable manner.

4. Always deal with your youngster in a calm manner – no matter how frustrated you may be at the time.

5. Introduce rules, rewards and consequences to create wanted behaviors and reduce unwanted ones. A strongly defined structured environment will go a long way in preventing defiant behavior, or managing it if it should appear.

 

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

6. When the youngster does something right, praise that behavior and reinforce what he or she has done. Whenever your youngster does something for you, be sure to let him or her know that you are grateful.

7. You no doubt know that kids on the spectrum need structure. The problem is that it can be difficult to decide on the right type of structure. Regular parenting techniques (e.g., time-outs, grounding) often don’t work with Asperger/ODD kids, because they will often simply use the time to plot some sort of revenge.

8. Carefully pick your battles – you can’t possibly win every one! Make sure that you pick the ones you can win, and then make sure that you DO win them.

9. ONLY talk over problems when your defiant youngster when he or she is calm.

10. NEVER give in to temptation and join in with the shouting. A "shouting match" always puts the ODD child in a one-up position relative to the parent.

11. Don't offer "false rewards" that are just intended to make your youngster feel better. Rewards that are given for the sole purpose of getting the child to calm down and act right will have worse repercussions in the long run – guaranteed!

12. Even though I mentioned “rewards” earlier, understand that rewards for observed positive behavior are the best way to deal with the ODD child.

==> More parenting methods for dealing with oppositional, defiant behavior in kids on the autism spectrum...

More resources for parents of children and teens with High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's:

==> How To Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums In Children With High-Functioning Autism and Asperger's

==> Parenting System that Significantly Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Aspergers and High-Functioning Autism

==> Launching Adult Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social Skills and Emotion Management to Children and Teens with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling The Mystery Behind Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Parenting System that Reduces Problematic Behavior in Children with Asperger's and High-Functioning Autism

 PARENTS' COMMENTS:

* Anonymous said... My 10 year old daughter has both, but as she ages, her temper gets calmer and she hasn't slammed a door in two years!!
* Anonymous said... We switched to gluten free diet. Her fits are almost none!
•    Anonymous said...Sometimes these discussions drive me crazy. especially when very revelvant age appropriate behaviours are blamed on our kids DX. Our kids might not proces all things the same but they can be taught. My 9 boy is mouthing off at present, thinks he is 16 and the boss and is pretty disrespectful. so are most of the 9 yo NT boys at his school. the only difference is that its taking jax and myself a very pain staking process to get to understand what is his business and what isnt and what is called disrespectful. many dx to do with behavioural issues that dont have specific proving (ADHD does) are more for the parent then the child. I dont mind if you have a go at me. lets just look at behaviours according to were a child is at, what they might be able to process or express.
•    Anonymous said...Yes Mine sure has ODD!
•    Anonymous said...Yes My son is ADHD, Aspergers, Mood Disorder NOS, ODD and insomnia. Recently his psychiatrist removed the ODD because he believe's that my son is not "defiant". He believes that my son's "defiance" is triggered by things that bother him because of his Aspergers such as, change in routine, over stimulation and from being so tired from his insomnia.
•    Anonymous said...Yes My son was diagnosed at 4 with ADHD and ODD and at 9 he got the Asperger diagnosis.
•    Anonymous said...Yes The Autism Discussion Page on FB is a wealth of information as well. I love the Parenting Asperger's Children page too.
•    Anonymous said...Yes The more I dealt with all of this with my own daughter, the more I realized all these labels are just that; fancy designations slapped onto observed behaviors. They don't necessarily indicate there's a specific "cure" (such as a medication) for the issue, or even a single "right" way to deal with it. In that sense, I agree that ODD is a "B.S. diagnosis". The opposition and/or the defiance is observable and real ... but those are just normal human responses to what happens around them and to them. Why does ANYONE behave this way? Usually, it's a defense mechanism of some sort.
•    Anonymous said...Yes V.S. Ramachandran and other prominent neuroscientists say that ODD is a b.s. diagnosis: look for the processing and/or anxiety issue underlying the behavior, rather than claiming opposition and defiance constitute a disorder in themselves.
•    Anonymous said...Yes We talk it out also when situations come up Lori. We try to 1) see if the situation really warranted the reaction. 2) What could we do differently the next time the situation arises. 3) What kind of outcome do we expect with our behavior? Do we want a positive reaction or a negative one? I try to get my son to see that everything he does has a consequence, be it positive or negative(That is what our therapist has suggested.) We role play to show the positive and negative solutions of certain behaviors ie anger/rage usually will have a negative reaction with people whereas if we can be calm and deal with the situation without yelling we can have a positive resolution. It is a slow process though.
•    Anonymous said...Yes Yes our Boy has a combo of everything!
•    Anonymous said...Yes YES! I just recently figured out that this is what my 9 year old daughter has, in addition to AS. We are having a lot of issues with her rage, and violence. ANY suggestions?? I would LOVE to hear. She is so smart, it makes it difficult to discipline her. Nothing seems to matter to her.
•    Anonymous said...Yes Yes. ASD in general has many other things that occur - ODD, ADD, ADHD, OCD, etc. It's different for every child. My 13 yr old is a rager as well Monica. He has gotten better as he matures but still struggles with things that us NTs could care less about. What I have read and heard from other Psychologists is that Their brains are so emotionally centered (especially in the heat of the moment) that their rational side doesn't work until after the meltdown/rage. They can train their brain to work more rationally but it takes work. My son is working with his Psychologist using role play to 1) Figure out if the situation is Fight or Flight (worth the energy to fight with words/fists or not) 2) Figure out the consequences of the first decision. 3) Act - which sometimes means going back to #1. NTs do this figuring unconsciously, ASD brains do not. At home, we talk through situations as they come up with the same 1, 2, 3 idea as he is getting agitated. The more you help guide them to the more accepted response, the better they will behave when not around you (School, etc). The most important thing I think is to make sure they understand that their emotions are valid, even if you personally don't agree with their feelings at the time. They need to feel understood, appreciated, and SAFE. Listen to their reasoning and then guide them to the more acceptable response.
•    Anonymous said...Yes, I have 2 with Aspies and ODD

Post your comment below…

High-Functioning Autistic Teens and Oppositional Defiance

“I have a 14-year-old son with high functioning autism who behaves in a way that mystifies me...I cannot do anything right, according to him. I had never heard of Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and after reading the symptoms, I think that he should be seeing a doctor about possibly having this disorder. I have noticed symptoms like the ones mentioned in him since he was very young.  I have tried to talk to him about it and he has told me that he feels out of control at times with his temper, especially when it comes to people of authority. I have learned to not talk about anything he might turn on. I e-mail him across the house and have learned to speak to him in his language. Is it possible for a child to have both disorders? What action should parents take in these cases?”

Many parents have difficulty recognizing the difference between a strong-willed, emotional teen with High-Functioning Autism (HFA) or Aspergers’ (AS) and one with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). Clearly, there's a range between the usual independence-seeking behavior of teens and out-of-control defiant behavior. It's normal to exhibit oppositional behaviors at certain stages of an adolescent’s development. However, your teen’s issue may be more serious if his behaviors:

• Have lasted at least six months
• Are persistent
• Are clearly disruptive to the family or school environment

The following are behaviors associated with ODD:

• Tantrums
• Spiteful or vindictive behavior
• Refusal to comply with adults’ requests or rules
• Difficulty maintaining friendships
• Deliberate annoyance of other people
• Blaming others for mistakes or misbehavior
• Argumentativeness with parents, teachers and other authority figures
• Anger and resentment
• Aggressiveness toward siblings and peers
• Acting touchy and easily annoyed
• Academic problems

Oppositional defiant behavior often occurs along with other behavioral or mental health problems, such as autism spectrum disorders, depression, ADHD, and anxiety. The symptoms of defiant behavior may be difficult to distinguish from those of other behavioral or mental health problems. It's important to diagnose and treat any co-occurring disorders, because they can create or worsen irritability and defiance if left untreated.

Stressful changes that disrupt an HFA or AS teen's sense of consistency increase the risk of disruptive behavior. However, though these changes may help explain disrespectful or oppositional behavior, they don't excuse it.

If your HFA or AS teen has signs and symptoms common to ODD, make an appointment with your physician. After an initial evaluation, the physician may refer you to a mental health professional who can help make a diagnosis and create the right treatment plan for your teen.

==> Discipline for Defiant Aspergers and High-Functioning Autistic Teens

Here's some information to help you prepare for an appointment:

1. Write down your family's key personal information (e.g., factors that you suspect may have contributed to changes in your teen's behavior).
2. Make a list of stressors that your teen or close family members have recently experienced.
3. Write down the signs and symptoms your teen has been experiencing – and for how long.
4. Take a trusted family member or friend with you to the appointment. Someone who accompanies you may remember something that you missed.
5. Make a list of your teen's key medical information (e.g., any physical or mental health conditions that he has been diagnosed with).
6. Write down the names of any medications your teen is taking (include any over-the-counter medications).
7. Write down questions to ask the physician in advance so that you can make the most of your appointment.

Questions to ask the doctor if your HFA or AS teen is referred to a mental health provider include:

1. What treatment approach do you recommend?
2. What factors do you think might be contributing to my teenager’s issues?
3. What else can I and my family do to help my teenager?
4. Should he be screened for any other mental health problems?
5. Should I tell his teachers about this diagnosis?
6. Is this condition likely temporary or chronic?
7. Is my teen at increased risk of any long-term complications from this condition?
8. Do you recommend family therapy?
9. Do you recommend any changes at home or school to encourage my teen’s recovery?
10. What do you believe is causing his symptoms?
11. Are there any other possible causes?

Being ready to answer the physician's questions may reserve time to go over any points you want to talk about in-depth. You should be prepared to answer the following questions from your physician:

1. What are your teen's symptoms?
2. When did you first notice these symptoms?
3. How would you describe your teen's home and family life?
4. How often over the last six months has your teen been touchy, easily annoyed or deliberately annoying to others?
5. How often over the last six months has your teen been spiteful or vindictive, or blamed others for his own mistakes?
6. How often over the last six months has your teen been angry or lost his temper?
7. How often over the last six months has your teen argued with you or his teachers?
8. How often has he refused to follow through with your rules or requests?
9. How have you been handling your teen's disruptive behavior?
10. How do you typically discipline your teen?
11. Have your teen's teachers reported similar symptoms?
12. Has your teen been diagnosed with any other medical conditions?
13. Do any particular situations seem to trigger defiant behavior in your teen?

Treatment—

Treating oppositional defiant behavior (whether or not your teen has a formal diagnosis of ODD) involves several types of psychotherapy and parent-education training. The cornerstones of treatment for oppositional defiance usually include:

1. Social skills training: Your teen may benefit from therapy that will help him learn how to interact more positively and effectively with peers.

2. Parent training: A mental health provider with experience treating oppositional behavior may help you develop skills that will allow you to parent in a way that's more positive and less frustrating for you and your teen. In some cases, your teen may participate in this type of training with you, so that everyone in your family develops shared goals for how to handle problems. As part of parent training, you may learn how to:

• Remain calm and unemotional in the face of opposition.
• Recognize and praise your teen's good behaviors and positive characteristics.
• Offer acceptable choices to your teen, giving him a certain amount of control.
• Limit consequences to those that can be consistently reinforced and last for a limited amount of time.
• Establish a schedule for the family that includes specific meals that will be eaten at home together, and specific activities one or both parents will do with the teen.
• Avoid power struggles.

==> Discipline for Defiant Aspergers and High-Functioning Autistic Teens

3. Individual and family therapy: Individual counseling for your teen may help him learn to manage anger and express his feelings more healthfully. Family counseling may help improve your communication and relationships, and help members of your family learn how to work together.

4. Cognitive problem solving training: This type of therapy is aimed at helping your teen identify and change through patterns that are leading to behavior problems. Research shows that an approach called collaborative problem solving — in which you and your teen work together to come up with solutions that work for both of you — is highly effective at improving oppositional-related problems.

Although some parent-management techniques may seem like common sense, learning to use them in the face of opposition isn't easy, especially if there are other stressors at home. Learning these skills will require consistent practice and patience. Most important in treatment is for you to show consistent, unconditional love and acceptance of your HFA or AS teen — even during difficult and disruptive situations. Don't be too hard on yourself. This process can be tough for even the most patient mom or dad.

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Parenting Strategies—

At home, you can begin chipping away at problem behaviors in your HFA or AS teen by practicing the following:

• Develop a united front. Work with your partner/spouse to ensure consistent and appropriate discipline procedures.
• Set up a routine. Develop a consistent daily schedule for your teen. Asking your teen to help develop that routine can be helpful.
• Set limits and enforce consistent reasonable consequences.
• Recognize and praise your teen's positive behaviors. Be as specific as possible (e.g., "I really liked the way you helped pick up your room tonight").
• Pick your battles carefully. Avoid power struggles. Almost everything can turn into a power struggle — if you let it.
• Model the behavior you want your teen to exhibit.
• Build in time together. Develop a consistent weekly schedule that involves you and teen being together.
• Assign your teen a household chore that's essential and that won't get done unless he does it. Initially, it's important to set your teen up for success with tasks that are relatively easy to achieve, then gradually blend in more important and challenging expectations.
• Take care of yourself. Counseling can provide an outlet for your own mental health concerns that could interfere with the successful management of your teen's defiant behavior. If you're depressed or anxious, that could lead to disengagement from your teen, which can trigger or worsen oppositional behaviors. Let go of things that you or your teen did in the past. Start each day with a fresh outlook and a clean slate. Learn ways to calm yourself, and take time for yourself. Develop outside interests, get some exercise, and spend some time away from your teen to restore your energy.
• Remind yourself that your teen’s defiance is most likely a temporary inconvenience rather than a permanent catastrophe.

At first, your teen is not likely to be cooperative or appreciate your changed response to his behavior. Setbacks and relapses are normal, so be prepared with a plan to manage those times. In fact, behavior often temporarily worsens when new limits and expectations are set. However, with persistence and consistency, the initial hard work will pay off with improved behavior.

Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Launching Adult Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social-Skills and Emotion-Management to Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Parents' Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling the Mystery Behind High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Crucial Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD

 

----------

 

Resources for Neurodiverse Couples:

==> Online Group Therapy for Men with ASD

==> Online Group Therapy for NT Wives

==> Living with ASD: eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples 

==> One-on-One Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by ASD

==> Online Group Therapy for Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder

 ==> Cassandra Syndrome Recovery for NT Wives

==> ASD Men's MasterClass: Social-Skills Training and Emotional-Literacy Development

==> Pressed for time? Watch these "less-than-one-minute" videos for on the go.

 

COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said… Absolutely possible! My daughter has High Functioning Autism and ODD. We have found that by changing how we approach certain triggers, we can avoid the ODD eruptions. If she does blow up, we've also learned that it is not the time to push her or try to persuade her unless it is a safety issue. she can only have a learning experience once she has calmed down.
•    Anonymous said… Following. Yes please which meds have been given and which worked best in your situations
•    Anonymous said… I am exhausted! What meds have helped? I have a 17 year old with Aspergers and a suspected ODD diagnosis.
•    Anonymous said… I believe it to be under the umbrella... ocd and add/odd are subcharacteristics of HFA and Aspergers. My son was orignianlly diagnosed ODD/OCD/Major Depression (missing the BIGGER picture for a couple of years until finding a doctor who knew what Aspergers looked like). Once medicated (this took time to find right fit), years of counselling and finding something he enjoyed and was good at, much of the ODD symptomology extinguished. It's understandable how one would be oppositional when his/her life is so "out of control"- anger, fear, frustration all leads to a normal brain to want to gain control over his/her environment; couple that with the angst of teenage years for the neurotypical as well and you have a big mess. Most difficult years for me and mine were ages 11 to 16. Again, medication helped tremendously; in addition to, all of the other components to a comprehensive plan (counselling, family support). I point to the medication because if one is crawling out of his/her own skin...behavior modification will not work. My son is 31 today, still medicated and is successful and happy (gainfully employed, lives on his own, is delightful). It's a long hard road, but worth the pain.
•    Anonymous said… I do think it is unfortunate to label a particular behaviour as a disorder. We have had occasions over the years when my son has dug his heels in and refused to do as expected of him. He quite logically explains that he is unable to comply with our expectations at times when he doesn't feel in control of a situation and feels over-anxious. He is 19 now and recently started playing guitar. A family friend helps run a folk club and invited us to go along. I was amazed the first time that Oliver got up when invited and performed in front of everybody. He attended again on the next meeting and again performed. My friend had arranged to pick up us again a couple of weeks later and I was so looking forward to this but Oliver made it clear that he wan't going to go this time. I was disappointed but nothing would persuade him. AFTER the event when I was able to talk to Oliver calmly he explained that he just hadn't felt ready with his new song but would go again in the future when he felt better prepared. We have been a couple of times since. The real problem over the years was always my own frustration with his decisions when they interfered with my own plans but if I stayed objective and calm we could in due course talk things over together. I could help Oliver understand my disappointment when things didn't go as planned and Oliver would help me see how difficult it was for him to do things if he was over-tired, unprepared, stressed or just having a bad day.
•    Anonymous said… I have looked at PDA and although there are similarities with ODD and PDA, our son is definitely ODD and both of these diagnoses can operate in ASD. We have been on our journey for more than five years and with therapy, medication and great support we've made incredible accomplishments with our son. It is as many have said though...very exhausting.
•    Anonymous said… PDA strategies are ery different to strategies for ODD. Reducing demands and providing an anxiety free environment is ideal. Anxiety free isnt possible but a happier calm child has a better chance of learning strategies to deal with demands.
•    Anonymous said… I was that child...tho they did not have a label for it back then. I would recommend to be respectful and ackowledge his feelings but at the same time dont walk on egg shells. Use "i" statements like "i need u to..." and avoid labels like "youre" this and that etc. At the same time clear boundaries and expectations and a consistant reward and consequence system. Another huge thing is the consequence having something to do with the action and not being a punishment. I know this wouldve helped if my parents had known better. but i got a lot of name calling from my parents and was made fun of by kids at school as well as my parents. It cannot have been easy for them and they mustve gotten some relief out of letting off some steam. A psychiatrist even recommended that they slap me (yes a westwood, ma psychiatrist who is still practising). I would say that has been the most detrimental thing to my aspergers and ODD and would not recommend it.
•    Anonymous said… I've never heard of ODD but it sounds like my daughter might have this. Thanks for mentioning it.
•    Anonymous said… My aspie gas O.D.D. & believe, it's a challenge!!!!
•    Anonymous said… My daughter was dx with ODD 10 years ago and it never sat right with me, after researching PDA I believe she has that
•    Anonymous said… My son has Asperger's and O.D.D. We are also questioning P.D.A. but CAMHS aren't keen on giving it as a diagnosis. Worth reading about it though. My son is 15, not hit puberty yet and it's really hard going most of the time x
•    Anonymous said… My son has both its very difficult and trying  😣
•    Anonymous said… My son is 14 and is diagnosed ODD, Aspergers and Mixed Mood/Anxiety. His first diagnosis was ODD aged 9.
•    Anonymous said… My son is on seraquel, Prozac and trazadone ..he's 18 and doing much much better, hang in there!
•    Anonymous said… My son was diagnosed when he was 4 with ASD ADHD and odd its a real challenge to say the least..
•    Anonymous said… My sons defiance seems to come from anxiety. Wanting to gain/regain control because he frequently feels powerless or vulnerable. Not sure if he has ODD but giving him explanations about why things need to be done and helping him find ways to feel more in control and powerful sometimes has really helped. The more I push the more he pushes back. You have to bend and manoeuvre. Tiring and time consuming but works for us.
•    Anonymous said… Not only possible..very likely, Autism always pairs with another disorder from what I have been told through the many hospitals and psychiatrists we have seen, my son who is 18 now was diagnosed with both way back when, it's a long hard struggle and a lot of work, do the testing for diagnosing ..stay strong friend!
•    Anonymous said… ODD and Aspergers combined have been the most challenging diagnoses I have ever encountered! I am worn out as a parent. Meds have helped but it has been a tough journey.
•    Anonymous said… Our 11 year old is on the Spectrum as high functining (aka Aspergers) with multiple diagnoses, one being ODD. We have him in therapy and he's learning how to manage it. It is definitely exhausting, but very treatable. Hang in there...if you can find a support group for yourself...you'll find that helps.
•    Anonymous said… Our son was diagnosed at age12 with high function autism. He is now 15 and I strongly feel he also has ODD.
•    Anonymous said… Please research PDA. People with ASD with Demand avoidance behaviours usually have Pathological Demand Avoidance. If they dont have ASD then they probably have ODD. PDA is part of the Autism spectrum.
•    Anonymous said… Ugh, what do you do when this keeps on into adulthood?
•    Anonymous said… Vincent my 4 yr old seems to have ODD. I'm not sure if it is a symptom of Autism or a standing disorder in him. I was told, I needed to verify if he was indeed not Autistic because ODD can be a symptom of Autism. Not sure how I feel about my developmentally delayed child possibly being diagnosed as Autistic when I am not even sure if I believe he is, and know in my heart that he could be due to how he is AND his delays. I'd hate for him to be misdiagnosed whem he very well may just have ODD. So, If I were you I would research and speak to multiple professionals about weather or not this is a symptom of or an actual disorder for your individual child.
•    Anonymous said… We have tried several meds throughout the years (Clonodine, Intuniv, Prozac etc)! What worked the best for my child was Seroquel.
•    Anonymous said… Yes our son was diagnosed with Aspergers and ODD at 15, although he had these symptoms for years...The medicine Lamictal has really helped!

*   Anonymous said...What do you recommend for my 15yo high-functioning ASD with ODD who absolutely refuses anymore counseling or meds? We’ve done both over the years, with no real success. The meds we’ve tried have all had side effects that make him feel horrible. He also hates how they numbed his appetite, and he said they made him super quiet “like a zombie” (teachers confirm this). They didn’t improve his grades (he also has dyslexia & math LD)The counseling, though good advice from the counselors, had no effect on him outside the counseling room, and now he refuses to go anymore. If we try to force it, with consequences and such, we get the out-of-control, angry, horrible behavior nonstop…it’s unbearable. So we’ve been on no meds & no counseling for 6 months now. Behavior is inconsistent, but grades and motivation at school are still bad. Still rude and illogical when the mood hits, but we avoid power struggles and allow for reasonable compromises when he’s trying to exert control. He has good and bad days. It’s like he’s in that gray gap- not bad enough to force meds or professional treatment, but not on the healthy road to success with his choices and behaviors. Any advice? Again, meds and counseling he refuses at this point. Thanks for any advice.
*   Anonymous said...I have a 10 YO Son ASD, ODD, working with the local health food store on supplements, 5 HTP heavy metal detox etc. To help him to be able to control himself. It has worked for tons of friends, I will keep you posted. Also homeopathic remedies are helping too.
 
Post your comment below…

Helping Your Other Kids Cope with Their "Special Needs" Sibling

"My autistic son (high functioning) is 11 and my youngest son is 4. My 11-year-old verbally attacks my 4-year-old and my 4-year-old just stands there looking dazed and confused. How can I get my 11-year-old to stop doing this and how can I protect my 4-year-old from it? It is really starting to take a toll on my relationship with my husband. (The 11-year-old is his stepson and the 4-year-old is ours together.) Not to mention the toll it is taking on my 4-year-old. He loves his brother so much and wants nothing more than to spend time with him. His feelings get so hurt when his brother yells, screams, calls names, and tells him he hates him. I have tried sending 11-year-old to his room, talking to him, taking things away, watching the situation and trying to stop it before it happens, but it happens so quickly, it’s hard to see it coming. What can I do?"

First of all, find a time when you and your husband can sit down and have a talk with your 11-year-old, without the 4-year-old being present. Calmly, each of you should tell him how sad and upset you feel when he yells and screams at his little brother.

The goal is to make him feel guilty about this behavior and to understand that it is unacceptable. Point out to him how awful it would be if you and your husband acted that way toward him. Ask him how he would feel if you yelled, screamed, and called him names. Be specific describing such a situation to help him understand how bad he would feel. Then make the point that his little brother feels the same way.

Tell him that he cannot continue yelling, screaming, and calling names and that if he does, he will be punished. The punishment should be “time out” in a room (other than his bedroom) alone for 15 minutes with no fun activities available to him, following by apologizing to his brother.

Do this every time he acts inappropriately. Each time after his time out, sit him down and explain again why he must not act this way and that it is unacceptable. Find out why he had “a meltdown.” Help him find an alternate way that he could have handled the situation. Have him practice it. You may have to do this many, many times.

To stop verbal abuse, you may need to use other forms of behavior modification as well. You must determine the need that your son’s behavior fulfills and teach him a replacement behavior. For example, if he yells when his brother uses his things, teach him to come to you with a single code word, and when he does, help him handle the situation. This takes time. If the youngster is severely out of control, then removing the youngster from the situation is required. As you know, this may be easier said than done.

Behavior modification should be started early. You may need the help of a counselor or psychiatrist to help you deal with this now before it escalates into physical abuse. Hopefully your 11-year-old will learn to communicate the cause of his anger and get his needs met by doing so. Unfortunately, kids who get what they want because of misbehavior are likely to continue and escalate such behavior.

Your son may have Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) or another disorder in tandem with high-functioning autism. Some theorists claim that ODD is a result of incomplete development; the ODD youngster has never completed the developmental tasks of normal kids. The youngster is stuck at the 3-year-old level of development and never grows out of it. In this case, medical intervention may be necessary.

Another theory about ODD is that it is a result of negative interactions, possibly interactions that occur away from home. This theory states that having successfully used anger and abuse as a way to get needs met, the youngster continues to use it.

ODD does not usually occur alone. About 35% of ODD kids have an affective disorder and 20% may have a mood disorder, such as Bipolar Disorder. Other ODD kids have personality or learning disorders. It is imperative that your son is evaluated for other disorders.

Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Launching Adult Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social-Skills and Emotion-Management to Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Parents' Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling the Mystery Behind High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Crucial Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD


Here's what other parents have had to say:

*   Anonymous said... Social stories on sharing, correct behavior, controlling outbursts, etc.. are a good start. it seems the communication level is way off between the brothers. the age difference is the most obvious, but also, how they approach one another. It's hard for the 4 yr old to understand AS, so he'll approach his brother when the mood strikes, not knowing if his older brother is even approachable at that time. I see this with our 15 yr old son & our 6 yr old son w/AS. I would suggest that you ask your son's doctor/therapist about Parent Child Interactive Therapy (PCIT). We did this for 6 months & it made a world of difference. It teaches you & family how to communicate with an AS child, how to set rules/boundaries & discipline efforts that really work!! I was amazed at the positive changes in our lives!! It takes a month before you see changes, but stick with it... positive changes will come!! Praying for your family!!
 
•    Anonymous said... I have given my daughter a trashcan and told her to say her words in it.That way everybody knows that it is not intended to hurt them,just an Aspie out of control.So when she needed to say things she could grab the trashcan.Incidentally I don't think we have need of the trashcan much anymore.Same thing when I taught Kindergarten many years ago and the potty mouth years emerged.I just told they kids they could only say those words in the bathroom and to feel free to go to the bathroom and say them to their hearts content.When they figured out it wasted their playtime they quit.Of course,there were not Aspie kids but the daughter and the trashcan are.
 
•    Anonymous said... Recommend reading and applying 'The Explosive Child' by Dr Greene - explains why rigid, chronically inflexible, easily frustrated children have meltdowns & how to handle situations
 
•    Anonymous said... This is one of my biggest struggles with my 13 yr old and 8 yr old. This has always been very difficult to deal with, and hard to figure out where to even start. For me it is not his choice in words, but seeming apathy and dislike for her. She asks often why he hates her, and has begun to take every word he says personally.

•    Anonymous said... About protecting your 4-year old- watch for the pre-signs that your son is having a hard time, or escalating- sometimes they go from 0-10 with no warning, but try to find out what his triggers are and remove them. For example, the trigger may be video games, so remove all electronics preemptively. If he becomes escalated- remove your 4-year old immediately to another room, and back away from your son- do not give him any verbal, as he most likely cannot process verbal information when he is escalated coming at him. Give him space most importantly, and remove your other children from the room to protect them. We have been fortunate to have home ABA services and it has changed our home environment completely, we have 2 other young children which their lives have also improved since the therapy in the home. This is long-winded, but I really hope your son gets the services he needs smile emoticon
 
•    Anonymous said... My 12 year old aspie will verbally attack his 11 year old sister. She has learned over time to (with our direction) that he doesn't mean it, and doesn't have control. When he triggers, she's trained herself to walk away. When she was younger we used hand signals. So when her brother would start to escalate we'd give her the signal and she would walk away. It took some time for her to understand the signal, but once she was old enough to understand her brothers behaviors she walks away before he escalates. They play together extremely well now! There are still times when she has to walk away, but she knows what will trigger his behaviors and is in more control.
 
•    Anonymous said... Thank you so very much for all of the invaluable information! I am on the site and I am also going to post more here on the page.
 
•    Anonymous said... We use many strategies from Michelle Garcia Winner on socialthinking.com to help our son know what is expected, what is unexpected and that other people form their opinion of you based on your actions within social situations. Writing it down in a chart helps our son "see" it. Hope the information is helpful for you.
 
•    Anonymous said... You need to get a home ABA therapist to help your son, this is not done intentionally and is not in your son's control- he needs to be taught these things explicitly and in a supportive, understanding, therapeutic manner. Your school system is required under IDEA to provide these services to you as part of his IEP- they will typically give you a bank of hours, such as 25 hours at a time. But, the important thing is- not all BCBA's are the same- you need to have someone who knows what they are doing, i.e. experienced, Master's degree prepared at a minimum and with the BCBA certification. Hope this helps, but just remember that your son is not doing this on purpose.

Please post your comment below...

High-Functioning Autism plus Oppositional Defiant Disorder: The Greatest Parenting Challenge

“We have finally had a diagnosis for high functioning autism and ODD after 6 and a half years of hell… my son is now 14 and apparently there is no help available!! He has a diagnosis and his statement will be drawn up for educational purposes, but where does that leave us as a family...he is so difficult to take anywhere… our house has been slowly getting destroyed by temper tantrums… so far every door needs replacing and the walls are covered in holes. I have a 9 yr old daughter with epilepsy who is really beginning to dislike being at home… it seems every day our house is filled with arguments over petty things which often lead to violent outbursts… there is no medication for him apparently, but I as a mother cannot cope much longer… this is changing me as a person, I'm finding I'm snappy and irritable and finding it hard to just get on with everyday …things that seemed so easy before... any suggestions on where what or who to go to for help!?”

For moms and dads of kids with ASD level 1, or High-Functioning Autism (HFA), coping with violent and aggressive behavior is perhaps the most difficult challenge. Aggressive behavior in the HFA youngster occurs for a reason, just as it would with any other youngster. No kid ever just "acts out" for no apparent reason. The key is in the words "apparent reason" – there is ALWAYS a reason, but the major challenge for the parent is figuring out what that reason is.

Inappropriate behavior, whether mild or severe, generally occurs in order to:

• Avoid something (e.g., the youngster may become aggressive and shout before getting on the school bus because he wants to avoid going to school)
• Because of pain (e.g., the youngster may show a range of challenging behaviors to his mom or dad because he is in physical pain, such as having headache)
• Fulfill a sensory need (e.g., the youngster may lash out or shout in the classroom if it is too noisy, busy, bright, hot or smelly)
• Get something (e.g., he may lash out at another youngster because he wants to get the toy that the other child is playing with)

Thus, the first step in reducing or eliminating this behavior is to determine the need that it fulfills by looking at the four categories above.

 

==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder

The second step is to teach your child a replacement behavior, which he can use to communicate what he wants or doesn't want. It may even involve using some of his obsessive or self-stimulating behaviors (e.g., hand-flapping, rocking, pacing, etc.) as a replacement behavior. This is far less intrusive to others than aggressive behaviors, but still serves the same purpose.

You can also encourage your son to express his feelings or negotiate verbally. Alternatively, he can communicate through other methods such as emotion cards, drawings, using symbols, or "talking" through a puppet. You know your youngster best, so you need to experiment and see what works best.

This process takes time and initially, depending on the behavior, you may not have time. If the behavior is severe, then you need to immediately remove your son from whatever situation he is in at the time. Simply insisting that he stop the behavior and participate in whatever is occurring will not work unless you remove him from the situation first.

Also, maintaining your son's routine will go a long way towards reducing the need for inappropriate or aggressive behavior in the first place. Routine is a great source of stability and comfort for kids on the autism spectrum.

In summary, try to identify the real cause of the behavior, and teach your son to communicate the real cause of the behavior to you in a less harmful manner. A good therapist can be a big help to you here. So don’t be afraid to ask for help with this issue.





==> For parents who are struggling with their defiant teenager's behavior, here are a bunch of suggestions to implement - immediately!

Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
 

==> How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Launching Adult Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance

==> Teaching Social-Skills and Emotion-Management to Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder

==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Parents' Comprehensive Handbook

==> Unraveling the Mystery Behind High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book

==> Crucial Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism

==> Videos for Parents of Children and Teens with ASD

 

----------

 

Resources for Neurodiverse Couples:

==> Online Group Therapy for Men with ASD

==> Online Group Therapy for NT Wives

==> Living with ASD: eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples 

==> One-on-One Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by ASD

==> Online Group Therapy for Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder

 ==> Cassandra Syndrome Recovery for NT Wives

==> ASD Men's MasterClass: Social-Skills Training and Emotional-Literacy Development

==> Pressed for time? Watch these "less-than-one-minute" videos for on the go.

 

PARENTS' COMMENTS:

•    Anonymous said…At 12, our son was as the 14 y.o. described in the initial question. We sought professional help and ended up hospitalizing him. Meds did help him with the anxiety and depression, and to control his outbursts, but he needed to be in the hospital where they could observe him first hand while determining the effects of the meds. You must take the steps to get control in order to proceed to the part where you teach him the social and other skills he is lacking. And through it all, firmness with empathy and love. When a horse refuses to go into a barn, you don't punish him. You look in the barn to see if there's a snake. These children really do feel distressed; they're usually not being manipulative. There's a balance of how to meet their needs without letting them run the show, and most of us just aren't magically going to get there.
•    Anonymous said…I know how you feel, we had a living hell for 13 years with our daughter, with no family to help, no respite and no support, finally someone listened and noticed it was more than naughtiness and now she's diagnosed with aspergers & medicated. She still has her moments, but she's a more like a normal kid now. It's definitely saved our family and given her a chance of a decent life. :)
•    Anonymous said…I think my stepson has ODD, he hasn't been able to go to school since he was 11 as he is unable to sit still, concentrate, and always gets soooo angry when he is unable to do something or feels intimidated.
•    Anonymous said…Im going through the same things!!! My family cant even stand to be around him, they want me to give him to the state!! his special EI based school doesnt want him either, they often threaten to have him taken away by the police...lots of notes sent home..every day, he cant handle school, he cant handle a daycare..where does he go??? How do I get back to work..im on a family leave, i have 2more wks left....michigan has very little resources....anyone?? any suggestions Im so running out of time....
•    Anonymous said…My heart goes out to these moms. Our family is in the same boat. We have a 15 yr old son. Very aggressive and easily angered. I love a lot of the information here and give kudos to your site but I thought this reply was a little lacking in actual help. Identification and replacing the behavior is a little simplistic for the situations. At 14 yrs of age these teens are not necessarily youngsters who can be easily removed from the situation or able to easily apply a change to the way they respond. Although the article did identify that it would take time there is a huge gap in how to do that. It just seems to lead to more frustration and the Mom's left feeling more alone and defeated. I was hoping to find a second page with the deeper answer. It reminds me of sitting in an IEP meeting during his 6th grade and the solution they wrote down for my son was "He will work on doing better to get into less fights with his classmates and he will work on finishing his homework." That was it... just a feeling of "do better" with no achievable action plan.
•    Anonymous said…My son also was diagnosed with ODD along with ADHD, anxiety disorder, AS and more. We put him on risperdal and the ODD practically disappeared-it was quite miraculous!! I think that his anxiety was overwhelming, causing the ODD.
•    Anonymous said…My son has a diagnosis of Asd, ADHD and possible ODD, he is also being tested now for premature puberty-he's eight. We feel lost, and feel there is no where to turn, we home educate him as he can't cope at school. You are not alone. Xxxxxx
•    Anonymous said…my son has adhd ,ODD and aspergers and we use ritalin,and risperdal the risperdal was my saviour he now sleeps like a baby and i have seen a huge difference in him the school says he chooses his behaviour and its non of the above but now the teach has implemented a eeward system for each 40 min session in the day we seeing huge improvement …its taken me 4 yrs to find what works but there is hope
•    Anonymous said…my son has adhd odd ocd tics and sensory issues very difficult.
•    Anonymous said…My son has also been diagnosed with ADHD, which makes it even more difficult.
•    Anonymous said…My son has AS and intermittent explosive disorder. Tantrums started around 3 and quickly turned into rages. Preschool made him worse. By the time he was diagnosed in Kindergarten we were at our wits end. We had tried parenting like we had with our other children but it wasn't working with him. With the diagnosis came a lot of info. Had to completely change the way we dealt with him. Wasn't popular among some family members, but slowly became better. Spent 3 yrs at spec ed school. Takes Tenex, (blood pressure med) that helps tremendously with rages. We were fortunate to have wonderful teachers and admins that bent over backwards to help him. Now at 11, he isn't perfect, but is actually enjoyable to be around most of the time. There are many situations that he just can't handle right now, and we don't force him. Life isn't perfect, but Hope is alive. Number one suggestion is to learn to remain calm in all situations, and don't react confrontationally. Learn to pick battles, and overlook lesser infractions to concentrate on the most important ones. Don't get into power struggles, you will never win. Small settings with as little stress as possible, makes for a more pleasant Aspie. Good luck and hang in there.
•    Anonymous said…My son has same diagnosis.
•    Anonymous said…Oppositional Defiant Disorder is very hard to deal with. At home, there are some days when everything seems to be a fight. At school, notes come home that my son is refusing to do work, not following directions, and sometimes yelling at and threatening adults. Sometimes it just makes me want to cry.
•    Anonymous said…Same problem with my 10 year old. About to lose my job sigh.
•    Anonymous said…There is help, you just have to find the right professionals willing to help and not give up with "sorry, there's just nothing we can do to help." Our 11 year old was diagnosed with ODD 3 years ago on top of the AS diagnosis he had received at 4 years. It's taken a lot of time and work, and some medication, to get to where we are, but he is doing very well. Tantrums are less frequent and severe (less, not gone!), he has friends, he's more manageable... ABA has been huge!!! And smaller school environment has also helped. In just a paragraph, I may have made it sound easy or simplistic. Believe me, it hasn't been, but there is definate progress and lots of hope.
•    Anonymous said…There is help. My youngest has adhd and odd. Are you in the uk? If you are send me a friend req and ill help you out
•    Anonymous said…These two go hand in hand every time.
•    Anonymous said... And very important to take time for you. It can be very difficult to do that with responsibilities such as you have but if you go down who's going to keep the steering the ship?
•    Anonymous said... behaviour modification training works with ODD behaviours. you need to over structure their lives from what they eat to what they wear., give them NO choices at all to begin with and then allow them a choice between two options once you get 100% compliance. Choices are the reward for compliance and appropriate behaviours. It was hell but I had to do that with with my child. it is easier when they are younger. ODD is behavioural and only behaviour therapy works long term for it! As for books of how to do Behaviour Modification training, go online or to your library, it is extreme parenting for the extreme child. the pay offs are huge and the alternate is a wrecked home and life for you and your child. Medications do help but the child needs to learn to comply and to control their actions. It is not easy but either we teach them or the prison system will and that is heart breaking and sad. The truth is there is very little help and support out there. Keep up your best efforts and do not be hard on yourself. At 14 he can work to help himself!
•    Anonymous said... Early, early, early diagnosis is key...so treatment can be started when they are open to it, and continue consistently over the years. Only then can we get somewhere. The preteen years are too late... My daughter was dx at 11. By then, hormones exacerbate all of it and it's much harder to help them get control.
•    Anonymous said... Get you a counselor to help you cope and him a cognitive behavior therapist my son is the same way I know how hard it is but don't be ashamed to get help I did and Im not as stressed as before. I still get frustrated alot and theres alot of arguments with my son but you have to learn to choose your battles read Tony Atwoods guide to asbergers syndrome it will help with ideas as well
•    Anonymous said... Hi im in the very same way as you my 14 year old son asbergers left home on tuesday to live with his dad he does not like to follow rules
•    Anonymous said... I'm sorry it's so so hard. It is unbelievably stressful and emotionally draining. I often find myself saying and doing mean things and I'm a Social Worker who knows a lot about communication Ect. I feel for you. I'm not sure where you live but in most areas there will be a practitioner who can either help support you or work with your lad. We have thought we might separate our family to try to minimise conflict in the future. I feel for you and know how helpless things can feel. Take care.
•    Anonymous said... My son (15) has Aspergers and ADHD and also has treatment for depression. He was diagnosed aged 12 and it took my breakdown and his feelings for ending it all to get him diagnosed. We have ritalin (40mg daily) and prozit (2.5ml daily) and agree it took him to want to accept his Asperger's and ADHD. 2 years ago we would have been happy with Ds at GCSE. With help from school, us and CAMHS we are hoping for Bs, Cs and maybe even one A. It is a difficult journey but with age can come maturity and although we are not out of the woods yet we can see the light at the end of the tunnel. You are definitely not on your own here. I remember the days of the smashed tv all to well. Chin up xx
•    Anonymous said... My son also had odd with aspergers and ADHD. We medicate the ADHD but only for school. At home, he gets therapy frequently to help him learn how to use words rather than rage and to manage himself. It's a long road. I would keep a journal and document the meltdowns to try to get to the bottom of the causes and then you may be able to come up with idea for avoiding them. The therapist might be able to help you with this too. Sometimes they just can't find the words and it's worth talking about it after the fact when all the drama is over to try to find out. Explore sensory input. For example my son will meltdown if he has to wear buttons. He cannot tolerate the way they feel on his skin. For the longest time, he would freak out and I couldn't figure why until I asked him one day out of the blue. Avoidance is key. Message therapy might also help. Experiment and try stuff. Hang in ther. Try to get out and have some fun of your own when things get to be too much.
•    Anonymous said... My son also has aspergers and adhd ,what u have just wrote is my daily life ,my home is destroyed ,nd getting no help with the educational aspect ,he is in main stream school ,nd is excluded presently twice a week ,I can't get a statement for some reason ,my sons education is at reception class standard ,and he is 12 years old ,I can really empathise with what u are going through ,I am a single mum ov 6 teenage kids ,so very hard to show the rest any attention x
•    Anonymous said... My son has the same diagnosis with Bipolar just added during his last inpatient stay. My ex husband and I both have dealt with destroyed homes, frequent suspensions from school, attacks on us and teachers. His 1st inpatient stay was a year in a facility specifically designed for kids on the spectrum. They adjusted medications and got him under control. Upon return to school, his behaviors began to escalate and it wasn't long before he was back in the hospital. At 10 yrs now, he has 5 hospital stays behind him, we've moved to a new school, finally got a great teacher that loves him no matter what and is working with us. His medication coupled with weekly individual and family counseling is working and we have had no meltdowns in 3 weeks. Progress is slow, but we are grateful. Hang in there, you are not alone
•    Anonymous said... My son is 15 and has been on medication since he was five. It has changed over the years, but the neurologist told us in second grade to treat the anxiety first then the other issues. Aspergers children suffer from the unpredictable and lack of structure. Once we got the anxiety under control we treated for ADD. Then at 14 he had some severe paranoia, stopped taking meds and punched a hole in the wall. He spent a week in care and was not allowed to leave until he was cooperative. He now takes a third medication for mood stability. It has been a difficult journey and there is no help out there. His counselor cancelled sessions because he has no psychiatric goals...I was floored. People question why we have issues in society...our mental health needs to be progressive for all of our kids. I am a teacher and there are so many kids affected! You're not alone!!!!
•    Anonymous said... My son just got back into our home from residential placement. He was there inpatient for 11 months. He originally at age 3 was diagnosed ADHD, once put inpatient at age 12 that diagnosis was changed to Aspergers along with Depression, ODD, RAD, it has been a very rough roller coaster ride. His bad behaviors out weigh his good. We have many services in place for him, but HE has to be willing to change his ways. We have 6 months set up for him. If he returns to his old self, self destruction, suicide, he will then be placed into a group home. All of you going through things like this or more. Realize you are NOT ALONE !!!!!
•    Anonymous said... My son was diagnosed with ADHD-hyperactive impulsive type with with signs of depression and anxiety along with ODD at the age of 6. His treatment is Vyvanse 30mg every day and he is supposed to go to counseling. We also work very closely with the principal, school psychologist, school counselor, and his teacher. We also take him to see our doctor every 6 months.We noticed signs when he was about 3 or so. We had him tested at 4 but the psychologist we took him to at that time couldn't make the diagnoses stating we would have to wait till he was school age. Prek and kindergarten was not pleasant. We are in a different school district fr when he was in kindergarten. He has been doing GREAT in first grade and second grade.
•    Anonymous said... There is medication to lessen irritability and aggression, also repetitive behaviors. Abilify. My almost 13 yr old daughter has been taking it for about a year, and from the beginning it helped (it does take about 3 weeks to get into the system).
•    Anonymous said... This is my family too. You are not alone. I had to move out with my 14 year old so everyone else could be happy and safe
•    Anonymous said... We use a great lady therapist , been through many of them she teaches social thinking skills, plus other techniques. He has changed so much. We also use a program that is part of a wrap around service child guidance resource center. They work at home , school and out in the community
•    Anonymous said... Why aren't there medications for that?
•    Anonymous said... Wow, I thought It was I who had written this, and forgotten, until I got to the 9 year old daughter part. I know EXACTLY how you feel, for awhile I had a permascowl. Our son is 14, on no meds and this is the worst year by leaps and bounds. Don't get me started on my precious necklace he took a pair of pliers to. We never talk about school, though we have gone to two p/t evenings with him in tow, but we decided early on, when we realized he was determined to rebel, to simply let him fail. (You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.). It is now January and that is exactly what he's doing, failing. HOWEVER, we are maintaining a relationship with him, mostly me, mom. I realized early on that tearing out our hair and handing out consequences was futile so decided to take a softer approach, and it's working. There are still consequences but not the anger and volatility that goes with it - and we are getting a positive response. Our psychologist says that as long as there is a true relationship, some sincere connecting, at some point, they will come around. If we lose that connection, we might lose them. And I will, even if it's just my fingertip on his shoulder for only a second, grab any opportunity to touch him. I like what our psych said, that's what I have for you. Oh, and remember to breathe. P.S. His school is amazing by the way - don't know how we'd cope without them.
•    Anonymous said... You can still do wraparound services (TSS, BSC) and social skills classes if they're available in your area; he should already be in individual therapy if he has such anger issues..
•    Anonymous said... You may private message me as all these suggestions are well intentioned but overwhelming and all children are still different apart from the diagnosis. I have been working in the Mental Health Field for many years - My husband and I also do therapeutic foster care. We currently have a 13 year old boy with Aspergers and an 11 year old diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder. Support is key - Please let me know what area you live. Stay Strong!!
*   Anonymous said... Our son is 9 years old and we are experiencing the same. Fortunately our doors are solid wood and our walls are thick mud brick so he can't damage anything. We have him on medication and it helps a lot. When he isn't on it it is just awful. He is in respiradone which is an anti psychotic drug that calms aggression as well as Concerta (Ritalin for concentration) and Fluoxitine (antidepressant). Even on all this he is a very challenging child and causes major problems. His school is very supportive and we have a myriad of people helping us. We also have a 14 year old with dyspraxia ADHD inattentive and a 5 year old with a heart condition which has been a tough road and not helped our 9 year old. We just don't have the energy to follow through on all the suggestions we are given. We just want this living nightmare to end but dreams are free. He is very unpredictable.
•    Anonymous said… I agree with a lot that's already been said so won't repeat... Just wanted to say firstly, there IS help for your son and secondly, you need help and support too. Take care of yourself. Consider anti anxiety meds or anti depressants and see a therapist that you can 'offload on'.
•    Anonymous said… I feel your pain, there is most definitely meds and speak to them about behaviour therapy. Good luck x
•    Anonymous said… May I just ask what the problems are that everyone encounters? I'm at the very beginning of the process and I'm absolutely terrified. My son will be 3 in Feb and I'm almost certain it is aspergers/high functioning autism he will be diagnosed with eventually. His outbursts are becoming more and more aggressive and I was hoping that getting a diagnosis would help me help him as I'm clueless about what to do. There's so much information out there but what works and what do you trust?
•    Anonymous said… Mood stabilizer!! Our daughter takes it for strong ocd which can turn into a manic situation at times. She also takes prozac and lithium. We tried 11 meds in 4 yrs before finding this best combo. She herself she's she's feels like its a dream and doesn't want to go wake up. Keep trying!!! Get therapy.
•    Anonymous said… My grandson is also in the same boat and my Son and daughter in law at wits end .
•    Anonymous said… My life same. I feel your pain I used these guys for nutrients and neurofeedback http://adhd.com.au drug free treatment . Also Nurtured Heart Approach parenting. By Howard Glasser saved my life. It's about building inner wealth
•    Anonymous said… My son is 14 & also has these issues, but there is help. We do alot of things still like brushing, listening therapy ect that even at his age do continue to help. He takes prozac & clonidine & so far so good.....not perfect but manageable. Good days & bad but much better then it was.....good luck to you
•    Anonymous said… my son is waiting to be diagnosed for Aspergers after 8 yrs of hell which is still continuing. hes bin on meds for ADHD but no longer on them as he got TICS really bad, hes under child psychiatrist who dismissed his hearing voices as 'something we all experience!!!!!' r u kidding me!!!!! it ttook my son whose 11 a lot of courage to even tell the shrink this n angered him that she didnt believe him!! his words.
•    Anonymous said… Once he is diagnosed often times insurance will cover for in home help. Or they may cover a portion of the cost. I will ask around.
•    Anonymous said… We are all very similar.I lay in bed heartbroken as my son with aspergers gave his playstation and games to this woman who friended him on line said she would come over and play games. As we all know...they are dying for friendship. She took them and said she'd brig.g them back. We don't know her name or where she lives.he had her text number he told her to bring them back or we would call the police. She said she didn't care. The police wouldn't do anything. So hes hysterical and demands a new system and games. Sorry son tough lesson. He through a major fit. I had to have him stay with his dad. I can't handle him. He's 18 and 6' tall and 200 lbs. I have holes in my walls too
•    Anonymous said… We took the biomed approach for both my aspies, drugs just made my teen gain 30 lbs and turned her into a zombie. Biomed found 2 conditions, Pyroluria and Methlyation issues in both, 1 kid is an Overmethylator, my other is an Undermethylator. ODD/OCD issues are almost always caused by Undermethylation which is treatable without drugs! (all 3 issues are) its a long road but a year after starting treatment I had 2 very different kids! My teen is now a happy straight A student but we also do a lot of different therapies from OT to address sensory issues to the emotional stuff but without treating the biomed stuff its hopeless.
•    Anonymous said… You could be describing my situation exactly. My son was diagnosed with high functioning ASD earlier this year after taking 7 years to get a diagnosis. He is now also 14 years old. I have also replaced doors and filled in holes in walls, as well as replacing trashed carpets, electrical equipment etc. He also has a younger sister who isn't allowed to do teenage sorts of things like play her music. We too were left with nowhere to go after the diagnosis. So what I did was contact my MP and asked him to complain on my behalf to the NHS, saying how disgusting it was that a young boy should just abandoned like this. My MP put in a complaint to the Chief Executive of the NHS, Simon Stevens, who then got in touch with my local Young People's Service at the 2gether Trust, to report back to him with progress. My son now has several appointments lined up with a child psychologist who specialises in ASD who, I hope, is going to help my son accept his condition and help prevent some of these meltdowns. I'm not sure if it will be successful but at least I feel that I'm doing something. I hope this helps and best of luck x

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