Question
I need some practical advice on how to deal with public tantrums and meltdowns and shrieking. It seems like sometimes when I try to stop the shrieking in public, it increases. I want to do what is right by my son, but I feel ignorant as he has just been diagnosed with ASD... Please help!
Answer
The tantrums and meltdowns caused by Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) can be very different than what most people would consider a 'temper tantrum'. They are caused by the same sort of things, but they may happen more easily, or for a much more unusual stimulus. In addition, it may not be that the youngster particularly wants something, so much as that the world has become too much, and he is simply lashing out against it.
The most important part about dealing with tantrums and meltdowns is finding out what is causing them. While a lot of what is causing them can't be avoided, there will be some that can, and you can work on keeping him away from them or removing him from the stimulus if it starts. If it can't be removed or dealt with, asking your specialist about various coping methods would be a good idea. I'm not sure how old your son is or how severe his ASD is, so I can't give more detailed suggestions on the 'coping mechanisms'.
Now, for actually dealing with them when they happen, the first thing you can do is to try and remember that the meltdown isn't something that needs to be punished. Most moms and dads might see it as a temper tantrum, but they are much different than that. It can help if you get in the frame of mind of "how can I help my son through this" rather than "how can I make my son stop this."
Lashing out at the youngster will just make it harder, since he will be more terrified of losing control, seeing it as a bad thing. Instead, detach the youngster from the uncomfortable situation and work on some coping skills. Move it up a little at a time, if you can. He may never be able to handle everything, but he should at least be able to control himself well enough to say, "Mom, I need to go," rather than fall down and start screaming. Make sure that he feels you are a safe place in this, and that he can trust you to help him through it.
Now, if these 'meltdowns' genuinely are a temper tantrum rather than an overload, it's possible that you'll need to start discipline to work on them. In that case, focus on treating them the way that most tantrums are to be treated (e.g., primarily ignore them; don't punish; don't reward, etc.). It's not easy, but it's probably the best way to handle a tantrum. Now, I'm not saying the youngster is having tantrums rather than meltdowns, but being unable to hear the details of what's happening, I'd rather cover all bases.
Resources for parents of children and teens on the autism spectrum:
==> How to Prevent Meltdowns and Tantrums in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Launching Adult Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance
==> Teaching Social-Skills and Emotion-Management to Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Parents' Comprehensive Handbook
==> Unraveling the Mystery Behind High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book
==> Crucial Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism
==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Launching Adult Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance
==> Teaching Social-Skills and Emotion-Management to Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Parents' Comprehensive Handbook
==> Unraveling the Mystery Behind High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book
==> Crucial Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism
COMMENTS:
• Anonymous said… hi my name is amanda and my autistic son no matter how bad it got i always kept a calm voice and low tone i just repeated his name over and over till i got through to him he always calmed down with low tone talking if you get angry of course he will respond with anger if you raise your voice he /she will do that too i found they respond to your tone .he once threw fit in store i kept my calm voice and he calmed down even though people were looking at us i kept my voice calm and he was done in 5 min . thanks for reading .
• Anonymous said… My behavioralist (my son is 5 with ASD and SPD) says to ignore them. Make sure they are safe, offer other alternatives, try to distract, but if none of that works, ignore it.
• Anonymous said… My son is HFA....diagnosed at age 15. When he was younger and had a tantrum. ....we removed him from the place. BEFORE we went anywhere, we talked about behavior. My neuro - typical daughter raised her hand to me me ONCE at age 16. She never did it again. Don't sell your ASD kids short, they "know" how to push buttons. We never coddled our son, before or "after" the diagnosis.
• Anonymous said… One thing might be to begin to recognise when your child is already overloaded. When our son is overwhelmed we just can't go out. If we do it has to be very short. Maybe also see if there are sensory issues in some spaces like strong smells/sounds in some places and avoid them. Pubs with kids play areas for example. We use headphones so our son can listen to music to block stimulation.
• Anonymous said… Same as you do with any kid. Pick him up and take him to the car.
• Anonymous said… Take the child out of situation ( to car or otherwise) - as you would for any child. Aspergers doesn't mean they can't learn to know how to behave it's just they take s lot longer to learn... Explain calmly that screaming and shouting in public ( for whatever reason ) is not acceptable. Eventually they get it!
• Anonymous said… To this mother,I would suggest trying two things. One we call "Red Balloon"-My daughter would hold her hands as if she was holding a ballon between them and slowly breathe out,letting the "bad/angry air" out. She would do as many "balloons" as required,until she felt calmer. Another thing to try is whispering. While they're shouting and screaming,whisper calming words. Your child will want to understand what you're saying,and will adjust their volume so they can hear you,possibly whispering themselves.
• Anonymous said… What if,like me,you don't drive for medical reasons-so no car. And any attempts to move the child take superhuman strength because the "child" (my daughter is 16) is bigger than you and has become physically abusive when attempts are made. Then what?
Post your comment below…
• Anonymous said… hi my name is amanda and my autistic son no matter how bad it got i always kept a calm voice and low tone i just repeated his name over and over till i got through to him he always calmed down with low tone talking if you get angry of course he will respond with anger if you raise your voice he /she will do that too i found they respond to your tone .he once threw fit in store i kept my calm voice and he calmed down even though people were looking at us i kept my voice calm and he was done in 5 min . thanks for reading .
• Anonymous said… My behavioralist (my son is 5 with ASD and SPD) says to ignore them. Make sure they are safe, offer other alternatives, try to distract, but if none of that works, ignore it.
• Anonymous said… My son is HFA....diagnosed at age 15. When he was younger and had a tantrum. ....we removed him from the place. BEFORE we went anywhere, we talked about behavior. My neuro - typical daughter raised her hand to me me ONCE at age 16. She never did it again. Don't sell your ASD kids short, they "know" how to push buttons. We never coddled our son, before or "after" the diagnosis.
• Anonymous said… One thing might be to begin to recognise when your child is already overloaded. When our son is overwhelmed we just can't go out. If we do it has to be very short. Maybe also see if there are sensory issues in some spaces like strong smells/sounds in some places and avoid them. Pubs with kids play areas for example. We use headphones so our son can listen to music to block stimulation.
• Anonymous said… Same as you do with any kid. Pick him up and take him to the car.
• Anonymous said… Take the child out of situation ( to car or otherwise) - as you would for any child. Aspergers doesn't mean they can't learn to know how to behave it's just they take s lot longer to learn... Explain calmly that screaming and shouting in public ( for whatever reason ) is not acceptable. Eventually they get it!
• Anonymous said… To this mother,I would suggest trying two things. One we call "Red Balloon"-My daughter would hold her hands as if she was holding a ballon between them and slowly breathe out,letting the "bad/angry air" out. She would do as many "balloons" as required,until she felt calmer. Another thing to try is whispering. While they're shouting and screaming,whisper calming words. Your child will want to understand what you're saying,and will adjust their volume so they can hear you,possibly whispering themselves.
• Anonymous said… What if,like me,you don't drive for medical reasons-so no car. And any attempts to move the child take superhuman strength because the "child" (my daughter is 16) is bigger than you and has become physically abusive when attempts are made. Then what?
Post your comment below…