- Avoidance of social situations to a degree that limits activities or disrupts life
- Clinging to the parent
- Crying
- Excessive self-consciousness and anxiety in everyday social situations
- Extreme fear of being watched or judged by others, especially people you don’t know
- Fear that others will notice that you’re nervous
- Fear that you’ll act in ways that that will be embarrassing or humiliating
- Having a meltdowns
- Intense worry for days, weeks, or even months before an upcoming social situation
- Refusing to go to school
- Throwing a tantrum
- Challenging negative, unhelpful thoughts that trigger and fuel social anxiety, replacing them with more balanced views.
- Facing the social situations you fear in a gradual, systematic way, rather than avoiding them.
- Learning how to control the physical symptoms of anxiety through relaxation techniques and breathing exercises.
- Sit comfortably with the back straight and the shoulders relaxed. Put one hand on the chest and the other on the stomach.
- Inhale slowly and deeply through the nose for 4 seconds. The hand on the stomach should rise, while the hand on the chest should move very little.
- Hold the breath for 2 seconds.
- Exhale slowly through the mouth for 6 seconds, pushing out as much air as possible. The hand on the stomach should move in when exhaling, but the other hand should move very little.
- Continue to breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth. Focus on keeping a slow and steady breathing pattern of 4-in, 2-hold, and 6-out.
==> Parenting System that Reduces Defiant Behavior in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Launching Adult Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Guide for Parents Who Want to Promote Self-Reliance
==> Teaching Social-Skills and Emotion-Management to Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Parenting Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism: Parents' Comprehensive Handbook
==> Unraveling the Mystery Behind High-Functioning Autism: Audio Book
==> Crucial Research-Based Parenting Strategies for Children and Teens with High-Functioning Autism
Resources for Neurodiverse Couples:
==> Online Group Therapy for Men with ASD
==> Online Group Therapy for NT Wives
==> Living with ASD: eBook and Audio Instruction for Neurodiverse Couples
==> One-on-One Counseling for Struggling Individuals & Couples Affected by ASD
==> Online Group Therapy for Couples Affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder
==> Cassandra Syndrome Recovery for NT Wives
==> ASD Men's MasterClass: Social-Skills Training and Emotional-Literacy Development
==> Pressed for time? Watch these "less-than-one-minute" videos for on the go.
15 comments:
-
I have no idea what to do in social situations, so they make me nervous. People would try to force me to interact. I tell them I don't know what to do. They don't believe me and push me on. I make a mistake, they laugh and I'm afraid to try it again. Or, I try, make a mistake and someone yells at me,”You just don't say that!" I ask why not. They think I'm being sarcastic, refuse to answer and alienate me more. Eventually, they just give up on me which leads to further isolation. The only way I can avoid what they do, and the tension it causes, is to avoid them. They ask me why I avoid them. I tell them it’s because they yell at me. They tell me,”Well, if you would just say the right thing." I tell them I don't know what that is. They still don't believe me and think I'm making up lame excuses. Most people I know can't handle my AS traits. It frustrates them too much. That pushes even more of them away.
-
I was shy as a child and also what I call "socially tone deaf," which made me awkward in many of my interactions with other kids, but even at that early age I would say I didn't have social anxiety as much as I had social indifference...I was simply happier spending time alone than with others. That is still true today, even though years of life experience have greatly improved my social skills. I am animated, outgoing and sociable at work and with a few friends whose homes I visit, but I only go to actual social "events" two or three times a year, not because I am anxious but because I just can't be bothered and very much prefer quiet evenings alone at home. When I do go out, I am OK for 2 or 3 hours, but then I begin to feel bored or crowded and am ready to leave. I do think I am happiest and healthiest living alone...it's easier to be around people all day if I have my solitude to look forward to.
-
That is interesting and good to read... I have put off saying I think I'm Aspie like because there are times I can appear 'out-going' - but usually it is when I am talking about an interest of mine in a situation where I am sharing with people who I trust to accept me. I have had people tell me that it's like a switch turns on and I light up and it's amazing to watch. If I think about that at the moment, I get self-conscious and stammer... so I try not to think about it. Like you I can usually do something socially demanding for about 3 hours before I start to shut down and need to go rest. Holiday parties with family and all the kids and chatty conversation can be the most exhausting thing for me... I end up finding some place quiet to hang out before I can rejoin. I don't live alone, but I stay at home while the kids go to school, which gives me my peace. During the summer though, I get grumpier and grumpier until Mommy needs a time out. Thank God for DVD's!
-
That sounds just like me! I love to talk and can actually be the "life of the party," especially when talking about a subject I love and know well. What I find so tiring about socializing is sitting through 2 or 3 hours, in which I may spend only 5 or 10 minutes talking this way and the rest of the time sitting around, waiting a polite length of time to go home, longing to be online...
-
For me during social anxiety it felt like I knew what to say but when that was treated I still didn't know what to say. I do ok with one person but in a group situation I have nothing to say. I don't have anxiety anymore because when I realize I'm not saying anything I just look for something else to occupy my mind with. I do repetitive things like try to straighten objects on a table. It still sounds like anxiety but I don't get those racing thoughts in my head, so in a way it's better. If you want to get treated for social anxiety you can't do it on your own. See a therapist/ psychologist and if you need it take medication. Also, look for books or ways to treat social anxiety online. My way works for me, but may not work for everybody.
-
I have both. I thought social anxiety/phobia was my single issue for most of my life up until recently. It is probably more prominent than my autism. My diagnosticians said that my social anxiety likely primarily arose due the hindrance in my ability to understand people and social norms, but also because of sensory issues. Early on, my psychologists/iatrists tried social situation exposure in an effort to get over it. This was while on SSRIs. That's the classical method, but it never really worked with me. It probably would be more successful on someone who doesn't also have autism.
-
My solution has been finding the right medication: Lexapro. This has helped me a lot, but I still have difficulties.
-
I used to be quite extraverted, but I turned very introverted after years of embarrassing mistakes and failings. And now my social anxiety is pretty bad, and if you took that away I'd probably do well socially.
-
I was placed on antidepressants after a lifetime of dysthymia and bouts of clinical depression. They relieved my social anxiety to some degree, which I was not expecting. I still avoid social situations but I am merely shy now rather than paralyzed. Now I am more likely to blurt something out or ramble on about my particular area of interest. I think my social anxiety masked my possible Aspie traits. (self dx'd).
-
I only have one of the two. Social anxiety disorder. I'm glad I can actually relate to some people since joining this website as an NT xD. I know how to respond in any situation on the spot, I don't even have to think about it. The anxiety symptoms can make it difficult sometimes, but I seem to be getting over some of them now.
-
That is very much my child. At this point, she is taking medication to help her at bedtime.
That article is very helpful.
Thanks. -
Not sure if my 25 year old has Asperger's. He goes to college for Physical Therapy, but not sure what he wants to be. Doesn't have a job, but had one up till about a year ago. Doesn't want to look for one. Has social anxiety. Doesn't like me, his mom. Doesn't like to be told what to do.
-
Hi Mark,
My 15 year old son has a phobia about going into shops and buying even an ice cream for himself. I think this has developed because we haven’t taken him out enough or ever made him buy anything by himself. I have sat down and talked to him about why it is so important because when he has his own home he will have to do his own shopping.(he seemed to agree with this)
I have explained to him that we will be going shopping together about 2 times a week and 2 times a week he has to go into a shop and pay for his own ice-cream. What happens if he refuses to go into the shop because he is so anxious, do I need to say if he refuses that he will have a consequence and loose his iPod until he carries through with my request. How should I handle this phobia.
We have been following your programme for 1 week now and I have notice a huge improvement in his behaviour and our relationship. Thanks so much. -
Re: What happens if he refuses to go into the shop because he is so anxious, do I need to say if he refuses that he will have a consequence and loose his iPod until he carries through with my request. How should I handle this phobia.
This is a wonderful task that you are giving him!!!
I would go in small steps... perhaps something like:
1st time- You go in the shop with him and pay
2nd time- You go in the shop with him - he pays
3rd time- You go in the shop with him - he pays - you stand at the door (as far away as possible) and watch
4th time- Same as 3rd, but you stand right outside the door (out of view, but when he comes out, you are right there)
Also, rehearse all of this at home before attempting (role play ...you are the cashier).
I would caution against punishing him for not following through as this will just raise the anxiety level. -
One time I was invited to a birthday party. I was so anxious the week before that, kept thinking bout it and how I didn't have a present yet, if I had the time right and other stuff like that.
Then, a day before the party I was doing some stupid stuff with my friend, to keep my mind off of it. Long story short, I got injured, enough that they called in a helicopter. Only two things were going through my mind at that point, one was the pain and the other one was relief at not having to attend that birthday party the next day.